Why Does Looking a Certain Way Matter?
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Argumentum ad populum. Understood and appreciated.2
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4legsRbetterthan2 wrote: »CanesGalactica wrote: »4legsRbetterthan2 wrote: »CanesGalactica wrote: »caco_ethes wrote: »Because the media bombard us with what we should look likeKeepRunningFatboy wrote: »Most all of us have been conditioned since birth. It absolutely completely surrounds us every single day in what we observe, hear about and think about. It has formed our beliefs of what is positive, healthy, attractive and preferred by society.
But you as conscious, thinking people can choose to fight that conditioning. My question is why do most people not bother or seem to think that the unrealistic B.S. they know they're being fed on a day-to-day basis is something to strive for, even though logically, there is no way they can obtain something that doesn't exist or may not be possible for their body type without surgery or other more questionable means?
I guess what I want to know is why would anyone want to be miserable trying to obtain an unrealistic standard that makes them look like just 'everyone else' than to be the best them they can be at present and strive for whatever things they can control? After all, you can never know what the best "you" can be if you've never seen it or experienced.. so how would you even know if you one day got there?
There isnt really one answer, but I think alot of it has to do with loving and respecting yourself. There are many many ways thatcan be destroyed in someone.
True, but why do people not work on that internal strife while they work on their external appearance (if that makes them happy)? I hear a lot of stories from people who did work on a lot of the external stuff and were still sidled with the same unhappiness insides that led to their transformations in the first place. IE. They addressed the physical health and dietary aspects of feeling better but not processing through the mental strife they had going on.
Yeah I have seen that too. Partly I think the physical and dietary fixes are more straitforward. Want to lose weight, go on a diet. Want to build muscle. Lift weights. Oversimplified but the answers are pretty well known and abvious.
Why do I feel I need to look a certain way to deserve love? That can be a deep and tangled web to unravel. You may not even be able to withput professional assistancd (which also "looks bad" and adds a catch22 to the problem)
There, you said what I was trying in way too many words to really ask.
Why do people punish themselves to the point of feeling that they don't deserve love, attention, respect (whatever) based on their appearance or their past choices that may have led to their less than stellar perception of themselves?
And yes, I agree. It may be that people need resources available (like professional help) that currently aren't. That's a situation I understand quite well. I think the nature of a lot of the non-fiction books I like to read has helped me slowly start to get to this point of questioning things I thought were truths or just "well, that's how it is".
But in that quest, I still really like the input of people I am not personally involved with because the opinions feel more genuine than someone who may or may not be trying to protect my feelings (or themselves).
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I have no self hatred and don't go through misery to achieve my physical goals. It's actually the opposite. I love myself and want the very best for myself because I believe I am worth it. I'm worth the extra effort and am willing to put in the work needed. My motivation and drive doesn't come from hating myself or wishing to be someone else. My motivation comes from within. I love myself enough to know that I am worth the effort. Not every fit person is miserable on the inside. I'm quite the opposite. I like who I am on the inside and outside.
I feel like I deserve to be strong and healthy so I worked hard and made it happen.
I don't have Instagram and Facebook so I absolutely do NOT compare myself to others on social media because I'm not even on those sites. I don't read the fitness or fashion magazines either because I prefer my reading to be fact based . I stay away from the woo articles anyway so I'm not comparing myself to those models either. I don't put much stock in the media at all so there's no way I would let them dictate how I feel about myself or how they feel I should look.
I have never wished to be someone else. I do admire others though but not fake Photoshopped images. I may admire a lady in the grocery store with nice hair or pretty eyes but I don't strive to change myself to look like that in any way. I may think a man has a nice back but I don't dream to have the same back as him. I don't need to compare myself or set out to look like another human being because I'm happy just being me. You can admire peoples nice qualities without wishing to look just like them. I can find beauty in just about anyone.
Not everyone that cares about their appearance is suffering inside, I'm certainly not. I'm quite content with who I am as a person.
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100_PROOF_ wrote: »I have no self hatred and don't go through misery to achieve my physical goals. It's actually the opposite. I love myself and want the very best for myself because I believe I am worth it. I'm worth the extra effort and am willing to put in the work needed. My motivation and drive doesn't come from hating myself or wishing to be someone else. My motivation comes from within. I love myself enough to know that I am worth the effort. Not every fit person is miserable on the inside. I'm quite the opposite. I like who I am on the inside and outside.
I feel like I deserve to be strong and healthy so I worked hard and made it happen.
I don't have Instagram and Facebook so I absolutely do NOT compare myself to others on social media because I'm not even on those sites. I don't read the fitness or fashion magazines either because I prefer my reading to be fact based . I stay away from the woo articles anyway so I'm not comparing myself to those models either. I don't put much stock in the media at all so there's no way I would let them dictate how I feel about myself or how they feel I should look.
I have never wished to be someone else. I do admire others though but not fake Photoshopped images. I may admire a lady in the grocery store with nice hair or pretty eyes but I don't strive to change myself to look like that in any way. I may think a man has a nice back but I don't dream to have the same back as him. I don't need to compare myself or set out to look like another human being because I'm happy just being me. You can admire peoples nice qualities without wishing to look just like them. I can find beauty in just about anyone.
Not everyone that cares about their appearance is suffering inside, I'm certainly not. I'm quite content with who I am as a person.
Would you judge someone who wasn't putting in the extra effort or work in the way you are to be better (in your opinion) as less than? Or is it more of an "each to their own" type affair? If a person were able to achieve self-love and appreciation for their body as it is (even if it isn't in peak performance) are they still less than in your opinion? Or have they simply taken a different journey to arrive at a similar end point, even if you (in this instance) look fit and that other person may or may not look physically fit?
I'm very comforted in knowing that not everyone who cares about their appearance is suffering inside or putting aside all else to get what they want. But why so much emphasis on personal appearance in the first place? If all you care about is being the best you (you being general here) by living more healthfully, then why so much care and consideration on muscle mass, how toned someone is, whether they have a "beach body" or whatever other media scripted thing is in fashion that year?
I guess I just really don't understand why looking a specific way is so important for some people. And that's why I'm here.. asking a bunch of random strangers questions about it. Thank you for your input.
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CanesGalactica wrote: »100_PROOF_ wrote: »I have no self hatred and don't go through misery to achieve my physical goals. It's actually the opposite. I love myself and want the very best for myself because I believe I am worth it. I'm worth the extra effort and am willing to put in the work needed. My motivation and drive doesn't come from hating myself or wishing to be someone else. My motivation comes from within. I love myself enough to know that I am worth the effort. Not every fit person is miserable on the inside. I'm quite the opposite. I like who I am on the inside and outside.
I feel like I deserve to be strong and healthy so I worked hard and made it happen.
I don't have Instagram and Facebook so I absolutely do NOT compare myself to others on social media because I'm not even on those sites. I don't read the fitness or fashion magazines either because I prefer my reading to be fact based . I stay away from the woo articles anyway so I'm not comparing myself to those models either. I don't put much stock in the media at all so there's no way I would let them dictate how I feel about myself or how they feel I should look.
I have never wished to be someone else. I do admire others though but not fake Photoshopped images. I may admire a lady in the grocery store with nice hair or pretty eyes but I don't strive to change myself to look like that in any way. I may think a man has a nice back but I don't dream to have the same back as him. I don't need to compare myself or set out to look like another human being because I'm happy just being me. You can admire peoples nice qualities without wishing to look just like them. I can find beauty in just about anyone.
Not everyone that cares about their appearance is suffering inside, I'm certainly not. I'm quite content with who I am as a person.
Would you judge someone who wasn't putting in the extra effort or work in the way you are to be better (in your opinion) as less than? Or is it more of an "each to their own" type affair? If a person were able to achieve self-love and appreciation for their body as it is (even if it isn't in peak performance) are they still less than in your opinion? Or have they simply taken a different journey to arrive at a similar end point, even if you (in this instance) look fit and that other person may or may not look physically fit?
I'm very comforted in knowing that not everyone who cares about their appearance is suffering inside or putting aside all else to get what they want. But why so much emphasis on personal appearance in the first place? If all you care about is being the best you (you being general here) by living more healthfully, then why so much care and consideration on muscle mass, how toned someone is, whether they have a "beach body" or whatever other media scripted thing is in fashion that year?
I guess I just really don't understand why looking a specific way is so important for some people. And that's why I'm here.. asking a bunch of random strangers questions about it. Thank you for your input.
I'll try to answer the best that I can but there is not going to be a clear cut answer because each person is going to feel differently. What drives each person is an individual thing .
No I absolutely do not judge others that don't want this lifestyle. it's not for everyone , not everyone finds it fun or attractive.
Last weekend I went to a show in a small town called Medford New Jersey. Out of millions of people who lived in that tri-state area, only several hundred came to the body building show. Not everyone aspires to look a certain way and that's totally okay. Not everyone is interested in that type of thing. I don't judge people for having different goals than I do. They might want to be the best bird watcher in the world or might want to be best runner. Those aren't my goals but everyone is different. My goal is strength, their goal may be the opposite. Neither is right or wrong.
In my opinion being strong is important. It's important to me. It may not be important to everyone though and that's okay. Strength is my goal and I love the progression. I love looking back at training plans from 7 years ago and seeing how far I have come along. I love looking at pictures of myself 20 years ago and seeing all the improvements I have made. I like challenging myself and know that I am worth the work.
I have never suffered from low self esteem and have always known my self worth. I was beautiful then and am beautiful now.
My spouse loves me no matter what I look like because our connection is deeper than physical attraction. My kids love me no matter what I look like and most importantly,I love myself. Not everyone that looks fit is silently suffering. Some of us just have goals that happen to be physical rather than mental or spiritual.
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MEDIA COMA4
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CanesGalactica wrote: »natty_or_not wrote: »caco_ethes wrote: »Because the media bombard us with what we should look like
The first time I read that, I thought you said ‘mafia’ not ‘media’
The magazine cartel, posted up at every checkout aisle in the supermarkets
Social media image crafting and perfecting. We're hardwired to compare ourselves against others. Jockey to get ahead. If looking at too many perfect insta accounts makes you feel low just quit looking at them. Don't compare yourself.
But why are we hardwired to compare ourselves and everything? I've always wanted to know. Does anyone really have an answer to it? So many things in our lives that we could be competing over really don't matter. Your comment of Instagram accounts is a good example. Unless you make your money off of Instagram, why in the grand scheme of things would anyone want to be competitive over it or use it as comparison for what they're not? It's not beneficial, in other words.
From my perspective...
Media/advertising targets people's insecurities. We are bombarded by messages of you're not good enough - either directly or indirectly. So many products are sold not based on what they do, but based on what's wrong with a person/consumer (bad skin, overweight, ED, etc). The ones that aren't still feature attractive, fit, successful people in their ads (which yes, there is/can be a "if I buy that product I'll look like them, get that type of girl, have that kind of lifestyle, etc" connection).
I think for many people, the desire to fit in spirals into the need to keep up with the joneses, which feeds the comparison culture.0 -
I don't try to look like anyone else. I try to be the best version of myself, on the inside and on the outside. It's important to me to respect my body, keep it healthy and myself happy. I also want my body to look the best it can, determined by what I think is beautiful and suits my body and my life. I treat my appearance as a form of self-expression. I believe that when I look good, it's because I'm healthy. When I look bad, it's because I'm unhealthy.
I also believe that appreciation of beauty, be it in nature or in ourselves, is an important part of my spiritual practice.0 -
There's also a very practical side to physicality for individuals in high risk jobs or the military that have to be at the top of their game, all of the time. They work out to stay alive. I have some of those in my family. I like your discussion because it's made me reassess why and what I'm doing.0
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4legsRbetterthan2 wrote: »natty_or_not wrote: »
Cool, yeah. That is what everyone is supposed to say. Just not the reality of it for most.
This is kind of a weird example, i see what you are getting at. But the difference in race may add another layer to the puzzle. (wasnt sure if I should post this, dont want to start a whole discussion about race[ism])
I don't recognize race, so didn't really think about that, but of course for some that is another subconscious layer of complexity. My point is, if people were to admit to their unfiltered mental judgements of what is said in their heads when viewing the two pictures, just based on aesthetic value, the fit, younger, more "attractive" guy wins almost every point. Further more, who do you think a company would prefer to hire or have represent them?
So not saying we don't moderate ourselves and sometimes catch those thoughts, and maybe even correct them, but intrinsically, because of media, social grooming, etc., those thoughts are within almost everyone. Ironically I had just posted in a thread about what a world would be like without mirrors or a social construct that places physical aesthetic value above almost everything. I watched a documentary about an indigenous tribe that has very little contact with the outside world, and it was amazing how different their self-confidence and image was compared to the neurotic society we have developed.
Personally, I fight with this internally a lot. And even with a keen internal eye that can recognize and call BS on my own predispositions, correcting them to rectify that thinking is something that will take a lifetime to undo, if it is even possible.2 -
CanesGalactica wrote: ».
But that doesn't mean that you know what the "best version of you" is. How can you know if you've never seen or experienced it before? Maybe the "best version of you" has absolutely nothing to do with your health or your fitness level.. or maybe it does? But how would you know if you've never experienced it?
Inquiring minds want to know!
I tried to explain it as it relates to me, but I deleted my post, felt my personal explanation wouldn't answer your question very well.
But I'll try again. I have experienced it and you're comment about it had nothing to do with health and fitness is spot on. The health and fitness is secondary to the improvements I make every day. I can diligently take a look back say 13 years ago, 5 years ago, a year ago and today, I am definitely not the same person I was and much much better, most of it has to do with confidence, attitude, mindset, strength (not just physically), etc etc.
The health and fitness gives me something to focus on for myself outside of all other things like being a mom, co worker, wife, etc, but it helps me be better at all of these things, if that makes any since. I learned along time ago, when mindset is right the body will follow not in just physical changes. Some of this is age, as I transition into middle age which I am going through right this very minute my perspectives are different, I definitely like and enjoy where I am much better than all those years ago, that has to be a better version of yourself doesn't it?2 -
@ChaelAZ. We are bent on survival. Social media image crafting has blown everything out of proportion. Belly selfies with a toilet in the background for the WIN.
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I'm just here for the articles.3 -
4legsRbetterthan2 wrote: »natty_or_not wrote: »
Cool, yeah. That is what everyone is supposed to say. Just not the reality of it for most.
This is kind of a weird example, i see what you are getting at. But the difference in race may add another layer to the puzzle. (wasnt sure if I should post this, dont want to start a whole discussion about race[ism])
I don't recognize race, so didn't really think about that, but of course for some that is another subconscious layer of complexity. My point is, if people were to admit to their unfiltered mental judgements of what is said in their heads when viewing the two pictures, just based on aesthetic value, the fit, younger, more "attractive" guy wins almost every point. Further more, who do you think a company would prefer to hire or have represent them?
So not saying we don't moderate ourselves and sometimes catch those thoughts, and maybe even correct them, but intrinsically, because of media, social grooming, etc., those thoughts are within almost everyone. Ironically I had just posted in a thread about what a world would be like without mirrors or a social construct that places physical aesthetic value above almost everything. I watched a documentary about an indigenous tribe that has very little contact with the outside world, and it was amazing how different their self-confidence and image was compared to the neurotic society we have developed.
Personally, I fight with this internally a lot. And even with a keen internal eye that can recognize and call BS on my own predispositions, correcting them to rectify that thinking is something that will take a lifetime to undo, if it is even possible.
Maybe, but my honest first response would be:
Who is better off? 1- probably has alot more money and is more "stable" in life
Who has the better job? 1- probably has alot more experience and the better job
Who would sell more clothes? - definitely 2
Who would be more respected? - I guess it largely depends on "by whom" but by society in general, probably 1
Who is the better lover? - probably 2
Who has the most opportunities in the world? - not really sure, depends on the opportuinities
obviously, everything is pretty subjective here1 -
I've always taken pride in my appearance. Even when was overweight/obese I did the best I could at whatever size I was wearing.
But I was uncomfortable. When I was losing weight I wanted the fat rolls gone, to be able to wear a bikini and shop at any store I wanted without going to the plus-sized section. I didn't even have a goal weight or a celebrity dream body inspiration. Just wanted the weight off and to get fit.
I worked really hard, reached my goal and all the above and more. I don't have a fitness model body and I'm not skinny (never strived for either body type), but I'm in perfect health, have a normal BMI, very fit, comfortable with my lifestyle (don't have to diet or overexercise to maintain my figure) I feel amazing and love the way I look.
Like the above poster said I also feel that it's empowering to embrace your own standards and be the best you can be.6 -
CanesGalactica wrote: »I have a legitimate question: Why does looking a certain way matter to you? Or anyone?
Why do we all seem to crave an innate desire to look like someone or something other than we are? Why judge someone who doesn't meet that expectation in your mind? We're all different and we all have different ideas of what appeals to us aesthetically, so why judge others who don't meet that?
I'm not asking for condescending criticism here, I'm genuinely asking. Here seems like an excellent place to gain some insight because most people here are trying to attain a body type or aesthetic that is much different than what they started off as.. be it being more put together, gaining muscle, wanting to be model thin, etc.
I'm asking because I'm curious and I don't (legitimately) understand this desire to be different than I was (regardless of the means taken to achieve it).
P.S. Please do not turn this into a body bashing thread. I've seen enough of those in my lifetime and jealousy isn't a pretty look on anyone.
well.. goals are a good thing. If you are overweight you are most likely also very unhealthy... so improved appearance = health. and lets face it if you feel like you look better you will feel better it improves your mental heath as well.1 -
I look a certain way when cycling in order to be seen by people who are driving a vehicle.
my 2-cents. 1 -
I never want to look like someone else. I am me, and that's all I can be! I honestly just want to look like I used to look before the weight gain. I love myself.2
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Just to be clear... was the original question more about looking like someone else specifically... like, "I want to look like [insert celeb/athlete/etc here]" or more a more general, "I want to look like I'm an athlete or look like I lift or whatever else"?
I've never thought, "wow, I want to look like that person"... but I have thought, "I want to look like that"1
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