Why Does Looking a Certain Way Matter?
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I've always taken pride in my appearance. Even when was overweight/obese I did the best I could at whatever size I was wearing.
But I was uncomfortable. When I was losing weight I wanted the fat rolls gone, to be able to wear a bikini and shop at any store I wanted without going to the plus-sized section. I didn't even have a goal weight or a celebrity dream body inspiration. Just wanted the weight off and to get fit.
I worked really hard, reached my goal and all the above and more. I don't have a fitness model body and I'm not skinny (never strived for either body type), but I'm in perfect health, have a normal BMI, very fit, comfortable with my lifestyle (don't have to diet or overexercise to maintain my figure) I feel amazing and love the way I look.
Like the above poster said I also feel that it's empowering to embrace your own standards and be the best you can be.6 -
CanesGalactica wrote: »I have a legitimate question: Why does looking a certain way matter to you? Or anyone?
Why do we all seem to crave an innate desire to look like someone or something other than we are? Why judge someone who doesn't meet that expectation in your mind? We're all different and we all have different ideas of what appeals to us aesthetically, so why judge others who don't meet that?
I'm not asking for condescending criticism here, I'm genuinely asking. Here seems like an excellent place to gain some insight because most people here are trying to attain a body type or aesthetic that is much different than what they started off as.. be it being more put together, gaining muscle, wanting to be model thin, etc.
I'm asking because I'm curious and I don't (legitimately) understand this desire to be different than I was (regardless of the means taken to achieve it).
P.S. Please do not turn this into a body bashing thread. I've seen enough of those in my lifetime and jealousy isn't a pretty look on anyone.
well.. goals are a good thing. If you are overweight you are most likely also very unhealthy... so improved appearance = health. and lets face it if you feel like you look better you will feel better it improves your mental heath as well.1 -
I look a certain way when cycling in order to be seen by people who are driving a vehicle.
my 2-cents.
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I never want to look like someone else. I am me, and that's all I can be! I honestly just want to look like I used to look before the weight gain. I love myself.2
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Just to be clear... was the original question more about looking like someone else specifically... like, "I want to look like [insert celeb/athlete/etc here]" or more a more general, "I want to look like I'm an athlete or look like I lift or whatever else"?
I've never thought, "wow, I want to look like that person"... but I have thought, "I want to look like that"1 -
I wanna look like Brad Pitt.
Imagine the confidence and pull.1 -
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skctilidie wrote: »
Gurrrrrl.... joo cray cray.0 -
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Just to be clear... was the original question more about looking like someone else specifically... like, "I want to look like [insert celeb/athlete/etc here]" or more a more general, "I want to look like I'm an athlete or look like I lift or whatever else"?
I've never thought, "wow, I want to look like that person"... but I have thought, "I want to look like that"
I thought it was more geared towards unreasonable expectations. I guess the thing that pops to my mind is women pining for the thigh gap, when they may just not have the body type to ever get it.
But, its been an interesting discussion all around.2 -
Clever_User_Name wrote: »For me, mostly for the health. I don't care about having an 8 pack or a perfect V, or wearing traps for earmuffs. I just want to be at a healthy BF%, be in good cardio shape, and give myself the best odds to live a longer and more comfortable life.
With that being said, it's so disheartening to me to come in here and see so many people complaining about their bodies, when their before pictures look better than the best I've ever looked. I say this with full knowledge and accepting of the fact that there are just as many people out there, that could feel the same way about my before and after. I'm just saying how I feel and what gets me feeling that way. My opinion only.
I agree with 100% of this. I want to be strong and healthy and be able to keep up with my boys on a soccer pitch or a fencing strip. I’m hoping I’ll love the way I look when I get there, but that part of it is not really even a goal that’s in my mind.
There’s such a wide range of bodies here and I agree that it’s disheartening to see people disparaging how they look (even though I know I’m guilty of it all the time, too). I hate seeing people who are far more fit than I was at my fittest talking down about themselves - it makes me sad for them and for myself both. After sitting here thinking about this for a bit, I’ve decided I’m going to make it a goal of mine now to STOP publicly criticizing what I see as my own flaws, because I’m sure there are others who feel the same way when I do it.2 -
I'm struggling with the premise of the question which is implying there is something wrong with wanting to look a certain way. In principle, I don't have an issue with it. I would agree that no-one should make themself miserable in the pursuit of it or be judgemental about others who aren't like minded but that cuts both ways. Assuming people who want to look better are shallow/vain is just as bad as assuming people who don't look fit are lazy/weak-willed. There are multiple ways of finding meaning in life...we all strive to be 'better', hopefully in a balanced way. It's up to each person to choose their path without judgement from anybody.4
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I'm struggling with the premise of the question which is implying there is something wrong with wanting to look a certain way. In principle, I don't have an issue with it. I would agree that no-one should make themself miserable in the pursuit of it or be judgemental about others who aren't like minded but that cuts both ways. Assuming people who want to look better are shallow/vain is just as bad as assuming people who don't look fit are lazy/weak-willed. There are multiple ways of finding meaning in life...we all strive to be 'better', hopefully in a balanced way. It's up to each person to choose their path without judgement from anybody.
excellent point!0 -
I'm struggling with the premise of the question which is implying there is something wrong with wanting to look a certain way. In principle, I don't have an issue with it. I would agree that no-one should make themself miserable in the pursuit of it or be judgemental about others who aren't like minded but that cuts both ways. Assuming people who want to look better are shallow/vain is just as bad as assuming people who don't look fit are lazy/weak-willed. There are multiple ways of finding meaning in life...we all strive to be 'better', hopefully in a balanced way. It's up to each person to choose their path without judgement from anybody.
Well said0 -
CanesGalactica wrote: ».
But that doesn't mean that you know what the "best version of you" is. How can you know if you've never seen or experienced it before? Maybe the "best version of you" has absolutely nothing to do with your health or your fitness level.. or maybe it does? But how would you know if you've never experienced it?
Inquiring minds want to know!
I tried to explain it as it relates to me, but I deleted my post, felt my personal explanation wouldn't answer your question very well.
But I'll try again. I have experienced it and you're comment about it had nothing to do with health and fitness is spot on. The health and fitness is secondary to the improvements I make every day. I can diligently take a look back say 13 years ago, 5 years ago, a year ago and today, I am definitely not the same person I was and much much better, most of it has to do with confidence, attitude, mindset, strength (not just physically), etc etc.
The health and fitness gives me something to focus on for myself outside of all other things like being a mom, co worker, wife, etc, but it helps me be better at all of these things, if that makes any since. I learned along time ago, when mindset is right the body will follow not in just physical changes. Some of this is age, as I transition into middle age which I am going through right this very minute my perspectives are different, I definitely like and enjoy where I am much better than all those years ago, that has to be a better version of yourself doesn't it?
I think I mentioned it before, but for me, this is in a weird "gray" area because I have never known what that "best version" is. I've always been overweight, always been an underachiever and have always been clinically depressed. That then gets into a weird area of "if I did by chance encounter this best version of myself at some point, would I be able to recognize it or would I simply think that I'm still not "good enough" or that I still have a long way to go?
Thanks a ton for your input. It's valuable insight, I think. 0 -
rickswifey83 wrote: »I used to constantly compare myself to everyone else who had a better body, prettier face, better hair, etc. It led me to a place where I was constantly insecure and depressed. It was not the motivation I needed to help me get to where I wanted to be. I was setting myself up for failure when I would say I wanted to look like (insert famous person's name).
I will never be the prettiest person in the room and I will never have the best body, but I have learned to love who I am. It is easier said then done with all the marketing geared towards specific standards of beauty and body image, but once you embrace your own standards it feels empowering.rainbow198 wrote: »I've always taken pride in my appearance. Even when was overweight/obese I did the best I could at whatever size I was wearing.
But I was uncomfortable. When I was losing weight I wanted the fat rolls gone, to be able to wear a bikini and shop at any store I wanted without going to the plus-sized section. I didn't even have a goal weight or a celebrity dream body inspiration. Just wanted the weight off and to get fit.
I worked really hard, reached my goal and all the above and more. I don't have a fitness model body and I'm not skinny (never strived for either body type), but I'm in perfect health, have a normal BMI, very fit, comfortable with my lifestyle (don't have to diet or overexercise to maintain my figure) I feel amazing and love the way I look.
Like the above poster said I also feel that it's empowering to embrace your own standards and be the best you can be.
How did you both arrive at the standards you felt best represented what you wanted for yourself and your life?
And if someone had different standards than you, would you judge them for it or not care?
Thank you both for your input. These responses are very insightful for me.0 -
JustKeepTryin wrote: »CanesGalactica wrote: »I have a legitimate question: Why does looking a certain way matter to you? Or anyone?
Why do we all seem to crave an innate desire to look like someone or something other than we are? Why judge someone who doesn't meet that expectation in your mind? We're all different and we all have different ideas of what appeals to us aesthetically, so why judge others who don't meet that?
I'm not asking for condescending criticism here, I'm genuinely asking. Here seems like an excellent place to gain some insight because most people here are trying to attain a body type or aesthetic that is much different than what they started off as.. be it being more put together, gaining muscle, wanting to be model thin, etc.
I'm asking because I'm curious and I don't (legitimately) understand this desire to be different than I was (regardless of the means taken to achieve it).
P.S. Please do not turn this into a body bashing thread. I've seen enough of those in my lifetime and jealousy isn't a pretty look on anyone.
well.. goals are a good thing. If you are overweight you are most likely also very unhealthy... so improved appearance = health. and lets face it if you feel like you look better you will feel better it improves your mental heath as well.
Most likely I suppose, but I am both overweight and physically fine. My yearly doctor visits are always stunning for doctors because of the fact that I am overweight. They expect me to report more problems or have diabetes or other known weight/diet related illnesses, but I don't (I'm super appreciative of that). Blood work and standard tests always come back squeaky clean.
Mentally, well.. I suffer from clinical depression and exercise and dietary changes have not improved that. It comes and goes.
P.S. I am not advocating that being severely overweight is a good thing or glorifying obesity. I'm simply stating a personal example where weight/appearance is not indicative of a person's overall health (mental or physical). Different strokes for different folks. 1 -
Just to be clear... was the original question more about looking like someone else specifically... like, "I want to look like [insert celeb/athlete/etc here]" or more a more general, "I want to look like I'm an athlete or look like I lift or whatever else"?
I've never thought, "wow, I want to look like that person"... but I have thought, "I want to look like that"
The second one. Thank you, I was struggling to put what I meant into words. I haven't encountered many people who want to be celebrity look-a-likes.. but I have encountered plenty of people obsessed with having a six pack, muscles or having the body of a model. And there's nothing wrong with that (in my opinion). I'm just curious what drives people to obsess about wanting that specific look. Why is it appealing to them? Important?0 -
4legsRbetterthan2 wrote: »Just to be clear... was the original question more about looking like someone else specifically... like, "I want to look like [insert celeb/athlete/etc here]" or more a more general, "I want to look like I'm an athlete or look like I lift or whatever else"?
I've never thought, "wow, I want to look like that person"... but I have thought, "I want to look like that"
I thought it was more geared towards unreasonable expectations. I guess the thing that pops to my mind is women pining for the thigh gap, when they may just not have the body type to ever get it.
But, its been an interesting discussion all around.
I aim for interesting, not antagonistic.
Apologies for responding to each of these separately. I get annoyed having to do the "back and forth" with responses.0 -
I'm struggling with the premise of the question which is implying there is something wrong with wanting to look a certain way. In principle, I don't have an issue with it. I would agree that no-one should make themself miserable in the pursuit of it or be judgemental about others who aren't like minded but that cuts both ways. Assuming people who want to look better are shallow/vain is just as bad as assuming people who don't look fit are lazy/weak-willed. There are multiple ways of finding meaning in life...we all strive to be 'better', hopefully in a balanced way. It's up to each person to choose their path without judgement from anybody.
Hmm, I wasn't trying to imply people who were looking to achieve a specific appearance were shallow and/or vain and if it came across that way, my apologies.
I'm in the process of exploration and soul searching, so questions like this pop up a lot when I get introspective. I am interested in why having something like a six pack.. or well defined muscles.. or being "x" amount of body fat percentage is important to some and not others. Why have some set that as their "reasonable" goal for what is fit or healthy. Do other people agree with that as a defined standard? When do those types of goals become unreasonable for some? Or unattainable?
And then I guess in the larger picture, how do we define what the standard is for health or fitness when bodies come in so many shapes and sizes and each of those bodies is controlled by a mind that is independent and capable of setting personal standards? It seems a lot of folks judge others for not maintaining the same standards they may have set up for themselves (regardless of whether they are achieving it or not) and see no problem with being judgmental. Others seem to wander kinda aimlessly with no real goals set in motion. And I understand that's pretty normal human behavior, but it doesn't stop me from asking questions at every corner.0 -
Several reasons, one being how we are treated.
There is a very distinct difference in how I am treated by random strangers now that I am 180lbs lighter. I didn't realize the extent of the difference until I saw how I am treated now vs when I was obese.
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Clever_User_Name wrote: »For me, mostly for the health. I don't care about having an 8 pack or a perfect V, or wearing traps for earmuffs. I just want to be at a healthy BF%, be in good cardio shape, and give myself the best odds to live a longer and more comfortable life.
With that being said, it's so disheartening to me to come in here and see so many people complaining about their bodies, when their before pictures look better than the best I've ever looked. I say this with full knowledge and accepting of the fact that there are just as many people out there, that could feel the same way about my before and after. I'm just saying how I feel and what gets me feeling that way. My opinion only.
I agree with this. I'm driven by challenging myself to be more regimented/in control of my diet and active/physical/stronger, rather than having a specific shape or level of muscle definition. If that does become my focus, it will be what fits with my body size/shape. Having a more capable or competent body - one that can meet or push to pass what I currently can accomplish is most important to me.
When it comes to media representations, the marketing preference for the shape of women has fluctuated so dramatically in my life and I haven't or don't fit into any of them perfectly. I gave up on trying to look like the prevailing feminine notion a long time ago. I feel like designers are doing a better job (not great, by any means, but better) of acknowledging different body types and designing appropriately, but we'll see if that lasts.
It's also disheartening to me when people I consider more attractive (regardless of shape or size) than myself being negative about themselves. But I also realize that everyone is their own worst critic.1 -
- Who is better off?
- Who has the better job?
- Who would sell more clothes?
- Who would be more respected?
- Who is the better lover?
- Who has the most opportunities in the world?
- etc...
it's a trick question.
The fella in the yellow shirt has a glass of wine; I think maybe he's the winner.....1 -
Personally: I wan to look like mysef. But I want to be healthy doing so and being overweight is unhealthy (bit is fine but more is bad) .
In general: because humans are insecure and are social animals, we want to be part of the group (accepted).1 -
CanesGalactica wrote: »Just to be clear... was the original question more about looking like someone else specifically... like, "I want to look like [insert celeb/athlete/etc here]" or more a more general, "I want to look like I'm an athlete or look like I lift or whatever else"?
I've never thought, "wow, I want to look like that person"... but I have thought, "I want to look like that"
The second one. Thank you, I was struggling to put what I meant into words. I haven't encountered many people who want to be celebrity look-a-likes.. but I have encountered plenty of people obsessed with having a six pack, muscles or having the body of a model. And there's nothing wrong with that (in my opinion). I'm just curious what drives people to obsess about wanting that specific look. Why is it appealing to them? Important?
If that's the case, then I think there can be different motivations, and the line between those motivations can be slippery for some.- Some people just want that degree of success or accomplishment, and something like visible abs or a thigh gap or whatever are fairly easy to judge progress towards/success of. Not everyone is happy with just being better, some want to be the better than better, however they judge that.
- Some people just want the attention that comes with a certain look or physique. Think IG models and the like. It's a look at me mentality.
- Some people think they need abs (or whatever) to fit in, or to be liked, or to get the girl. I know I've felt that in the past. It comes from a dislike/dissatisfaction with yourself, but I'm not sure what it is that takes that generalized dislike and connects it to physical appearance... probably something subconscious that ties back in to the images we see every day.
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Random...but I was watching Jeff Goldblum view his previous movies in a promotional for the new Jurassic Park..in one of his movies his character says, “Everyone does everything just to get laid.” Haha3
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Motorsheen wrote: »
- Who is better off?
- Who has the better job?
- Who would sell more clothes?
- Who would be more respected?
- Who is the better lover?
- Who has the most opportunities in the world?
- etc...
it's a trick question.
The fella in the yellow shirt has a glass of wine; I think maybe he's the winner.....
Here, in case anyone is interested.
Robert Paterson
About him
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Stuff everyone else - I want to do this for me, I was properly skinny growing up and competed in every sporting event going. Now I can't run for a bus, I don't want to limit myself and the only way I can change that is to do this for me. My family are a little shallower and they want me to look more 'socially acceptable' to not embarrass them and I feel guilty that they feel uncomfortable when I meet their friends.1
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I like this thread. It gave me a big pinch in a good way and made me do some serious thinking. It has actually spurred me on like a rocket booster. I'm determined now more than ever about a judgment free zone and not making anyone feel less than and at the same time, my mind is set to keep moving forward.1
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