Why Does Looking a Certain Way Matter?

KosmosKitten

I have a legitimate question: Why does looking a certain way matter to you? Or anyone?

Why do we all seem to crave an innate desire to look like someone or something other than we are? Why judge someone who doesn't meet that expectation in your mind? We're all different and we all have different ideas of what appeals to us aesthetically, so why judge others who don't meet that?

I'm not asking for condescending criticism here, I'm genuinely asking. Here seems like an excellent place to gain some insight because most people here are trying to attain a body type or aesthetic that is much different than what they started off as.. be it being more put together, gaining muscle, wanting to be model thin, etc.

I'm asking because I'm curious and I don't (legitimately) understand this desire to be different than I was (regardless of the means taken to achieve it).

P.S. Please do not turn this into a body bashing thread. I've seen enough of those in my lifetime and jealousy isn't a pretty look on anyone.

Svanel

Humans are very visual creatures. Most peoples first perception is the physical aspects of another, i.e. looks, build, etc. etc. Many are drawn to another based solely off looks. That's the first impression we get. Until we take the time to know that person, we won't know if that beauty is skin deep or if it permeates to their core. There's so much media out there that markets certain looks that are deemed attractive, appropriate, strong, fit, etc. and there are a lot of people that try to achieve that mainstream. As humans, we all want to be accepted and wanted. So we try to fit in however we can. Damaging if taken to an extreme.

jjpptt2

For me personally... 80% of it is to gain approval/attention/similar, 20% is personal preference. But I have self esteem issues, so take it for what it's worth.

sardelsa

I wouldn't say I want to look like someone other than myself, but the best version of myself I know I can achieve with hard work and dedication. I have a certain physique in mind and it is not out of the realm of what can be obtained with muscle building cycles. To me how I look is very important to me in terms of how I feel and my confidence... not only that but the extra muscle comes in handy when I have to lift things in my everyday lift, plus it allows me to eat more and be more conscious of what I am eating (keeping my goals in check), and will no doubt be helpful as I age.

joemac1988

It matters to me because it directly affects my confidence, mood, and performance. For example, I'm in a sales job; when I look good, I feel good and that confidence affects my sales. My overall quality of life is improved by being in good shape and I KNOW this because I haven't always been.

Diatonic12

It doesn't matter to me. I don't give a bo-diddlywhop if you have 6 pack abs or not. If maintaining a perfect body makes you meaner than a skunk then what good is it. I like people who can think for themselves about everything.

I really like this joint because it's loaded to the gills with people not sheeple who can think for themselves. We expand our perceptions when we consider other possibilities beyond what we think we know.

Connection is good.

kimber0607

i believe beauty is in the eye of the beholder and what we (personally) deem beautiful may not be what the masses think is attractive. I lost about 20-25 pounds a few years ago and initially got lots of praise and was very happy with my size. Over the past 3 years I slowly gained it all back (about 25 pounds). I was devastated not so much by my size (as I knew even with the extra weight, I was still considered average size/weight) but the fact that I lost control and wasn't taking better care of myself ate at me. I actually received several comments about how i looked BETTER w added weight (fuller figure more womanly)..I know they meant well, but it crushed me personally. I felt like a failure for gaining the weight back. So now, Im back to do it for me...for the challenge....and my goal is to not get back to where i was, but get stronger, leaner and shed about 15 pounds

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foodie18mfp

My reason for wanting to be “in shape” is to be strong. I want to be able to defend myself and my children if necessary using my body.
I have learned that our looks don’t determine our value, but I still struggle with wanting other people to find me attractive. It’s most likely. Self esteem issue although I feel confident. My value doesn’t come from the eyes of anyone else. If I’d get into an accident and lose my outward beauty, I’d like to be able to still feel valuable and worthy of living. The people who truly love you are going to find you beautiful no matter how you look and those are the people to lean on and keep around. its a 100% fact that as a woman, I notice how a man treats others over everything else. He could be the most outwardly attractive man, but if he doesn’t treat others with love, isn’t humble, and doesn’t show compassion, I would have never talked to him during my single days. Spirit matters more.

Just_Mel_

If I'm going to be 100% honest with myself, I have this overwhelming desire to make my outside match my inside. I know I'm a cool person with a kickass personality, but people judge by appearance. So much of my self worth is wrapped up in what I look like. I hate it and I wish that wasn't the case. Many years of criticism from others and myself have damaged me. Every time I'm rejected by a man or something doesn't work out in my dating life, I feel like it's because I'm fat. It really messes with my head. Like if/when I get to where I want to be, I won't have those issues. Logically I know that's probably not true. But something is the matter with me, otherwise it wouldn't keep happening.

gearhead426hemi

Everyone just needs to focus on what makes them happy and keeps them motivated. We all have different goals, genetics and lifestyles so it is impossible for us all to be perfect. All we can strive for is the best we can be. It applies to all aspects in life, religion, career, fitness, diet everything. We all need to find what motivates us and focus on that. Don't judge others because we don't know their situations, genetics or what might be holding them back from being the best person they can be. Just be supportive and focus on yourself.

4legsRbetterthan2

"be it being more put together" - I relatively recently did a bit of a makeover in my wardrobe. I wanted to just look more professional at work, and now I just feel more confident when I wear those clothes. I guess I do kinda believe that how you dress and present yourself is an outward projection of how you feel inside. It seems to work a little in reverse too though, if you dress nice sometimes it helps boost your mood, kind of a fake it till you make it type result I guess.

as for changing my body, I do want to lose some weight, for health, aesthetics, and mobility reasons. I don't really want to change anything drastic about myself though. I guess I kinda just take what I got a make the best of it. Accent my favorite parts, not so much my less favorite parts, but I can't really say there is anything I all out hate about myself.

caco_ethes

Because the media bombard us with what we should look like

KeepRunningFatboy

Most all of us have been conditioned since birth. It absolutely completely surrounds us every single day in what we observe, hear about and think about. It has formed our beliefs of what is positive, healthy, attractive and preferred by society.

ChaelAZ

Media and social training.

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ChaelAZ

ChaelAZ wrote: »

Media and social training.

That is, there is no profit in acceptance.
There is no profit in averages and community sharing.

Diatonic12

natty_or_not wrote: »

caco_ethes wrote: »

Because the media bombard us with what we should look like

The first time I read that, I thought you said ‘mafia’ not ‘media’

The magazine cartel, posted up at every checkout aisle in the supermarkets

Social media image crafting and perfecting. We're hardwired to compare ourselves against others. Jockey to get ahead. If looking at too many perfect insta accounts makes you feel low just quit looking at them. Don't compare yourself.

cwolfman13

I don't have any particularly advanced body composition goals or anything like that. I'm mostly concerned with being healthy. I've been lean for the vast majority of my life and then got fat when I was in my 30s. I much preferred the way I felt and looked when I was leaner.

I will never have 6 pack abs...haven't had them since about 22 years old and never will and don't strive to have them either. I'd say 15% BF is pretty average in regards to guys who exercise regularly and have some semblance of a reasonably healthy diet...I'm fine with that. I do not have either the dietary discipline or training discipline for anything more advanced than that.

jgnatca

First of all, who is trying to get a certain body? Not me. I can speculate but I’d be projecting.

I like getting my body in shape that it can do things. Be more flexible. Run faster and longer. Have greater stamina and be alert. And I like my hair.

Also, my heroes and models I revere for aspects separate from a bodily ideal.

(Florence Nightingale, Albert Schweitzer, Victor Frankl)

RoxieDawn

I don't have any desire to be any thing or look other than myself. I truly work hard and strive to be a better version of myself everyday. I spent way too many years being unhealthy and treating my body badly.

I don't do any social media or listen to outside crap at all. Being older has its advantages in not letting outside influences effect me. Lastly, have now reached another point in my age where absolutely nothing is more important then feeling good, the bonus is that what I do to do that, my outward appearance has improved.

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kelMee2

For me it’s not about looking a certain way, it’s about being in control and getting back to the person I was when I met my husband. When we first met I was about 145lbs and I was confident and happy in my own skin, we’ve been together for 19 years and in that time I’ve been through 5 pregnancies one of which was our little girl who we lost halfway through the pregnancy, we’ve also been through 2 miscarriages and I’ve lost several members of my family including my mum which all led to comfort eating. Anytime I was stressed or upset I would eat and I lost all my confidence and wasn’t happy in my own skin at all. My weight spiralled out of control and when I started here on the 26th of February I weighed 204lbs and was ashamed of myself. Now fast forward a few months I’m 179lbs so still have a long way to go but my confidence is slowly coming back and I’m starting to feel like my old self again. I no longer comfort eat which was something that plagued me for years and thought I’d never overcome. I’m not looking to be skinny, I don’t want to look like a model I just want to be me and be healthy. I’ve never understood why people lose weight for the approval of others, if someone doesn’t love you for who you are they’re not worth your time. I always think weight loss should be something you do for yourself.

etguillemette

There may be something said about the intermingling of personality and appearance. People will make assumptions about you based on your appearance, but it's not always social conditioning or people being crappy. Our brains make shortcuts in spooky ways, and will unconciously group things together. Follow me down the rabbit hole...

Studies have shown that people holding a warm beverage viewed others as being more warm and open, people holding a cold beverage viewed people as cold and distant, and people holding a thick clipboard viewed people as being more serious. When it comes to body type, what kind of a person do you picture when you hear about someone who is "bold" and "brash"? What about "meek" and "mild"? "Sly" and "shifty"? What about "slovenly" and "slothful"? Extra bit of weirdness, notice how words like "meek", "mild", "sly", "shifty" all have quick sharp vowel sounds, while words like "bold", "brash", "slovenly" and "slothful" have wider, rounder vowel sounds? And that I just used "sharp" and "round" to describe sound, and you knew exactly what I meant? Spooky.

My point is that the words we use to describe ourselves also carry some visual connotations through some weird neurological voodoo, and that an uncomfortable dissonance can arise because of it. I spent most of my life being small and skinny, and I think my personality meshed nicely with that. I am generally quiet, careful, spare , unobtrusive, sharp, practical and efficient. It's like part of me built my personality around my body type, and when I started to get on the chubby side, my appearance felt incongruous with my personality. I don't think it's crazy when people say things like, "I want to be the person I was <number> years ago...", and I don't think it's just about appearance. Our personality and weight may not be directly related to each other, but our brains don't know that. Going from one body type to another can feel like you're crawling around in someone else's skin.

tldr: Brains are weird and lazy.

ChaelAZ

• Who is better off?
• Who has the better job?
• Who would sell more clothes?
• Who would be more respected?
• Who is the better lover?
• Who has the most opportunities in the world?
• etc...

kam26001

I'm just fascinated by the human body. It can be shaped and sculpted in ways one would've never imagined. Who are we really and what are we supposed to look like when the mind and spirit are immeasurable? This goes deep for me.

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ChaelAZ

natty_or_not wrote: »

ChaelAZ wrote: »

• Who is better off?
• Who has the better job?
• Who would sell more clothes?
• Who would be more respected?
• Who is the better lover?
• Who has the most opportunities in the world?
• etc...

Could be either one. There’s no telling just by outward appearances alone.

Cool, yeah. That is what everyone is supposed to say. Just not the reality of it for most.

KosmosKitten

Will_Workout_for_food wrote: »

i dont want to look like anyone else, i want to look the best version of me as possible. im still at trial and error with myself. im still not completely happy with how i look, so i will push forward to try new things until i am completely happy. with it, comes confidence. just like wearing a shirt, i feel so lazy and sluggy when i wear a oversized t shirt, but when i wear a fitted/snug shirt, i instantly have a tougher stance.

Okay, but question: How do you know what the best version of yourself is if you've never seen or experienced it? Sounds like an unattainable goal?

Not criticizing, just very curious how other people think.

KosmosKitten

Svanel wrote: »

Humans are very visual creatures. Most peoples first perception is the physical aspects of another, i.e. looks, build, etc. etc. Many are drawn to another based solely off looks. That's the first impression we get. Until we take the time to know that person, we won't know if that beauty is skin deep or if it permeates to their core. There's so much media out there that markets certain looks that are deemed attractive, appropriate, strong, fit, etc. and there are a lot of people that try to achieve that mainstream. As humans, we all want to be accepted and wanted. So we try to fit in however we can. Damaging if taken to an extreme.

Alright, but why do we as conscious thinking humans who are aware of this predicament let our minds be swayed by extremely unrealistic expectations that have little to do with boosting self-esteem or image? We all have the capacity to fight and rebel against the expectations set before us, so why do so many people capitulate to it instead thinking that it will make them happy when they know that's not the case deep down?

4legsRbetterthan2

ChaelAZ wrote: »

natty_or_not wrote: »

ChaelAZ wrote: »

• Who is better off?
• Who has the better job?
• Who would sell more clothes?
• Who would be more respected?
• Who is the better lover?
• Who has the most opportunities in the world?
• etc...

Could be either one. There’s no telling just by outward appearances alone.

Cool, yeah. That is what everyone is supposed to say. Just not the reality of it for most.

This is kind of a weird example, i see what you are getting at. But the difference in race may add another layer to the puzzle. (wasnt sure if I should post this, dont want to start a whole discussion about race[ism])