Why Does Looking a Certain Way Matter?

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KosmosKitten
KosmosKitten Posts: 10,476 Member
in Chit-Chat
I have a legitimate question: Why does looking a certain way matter to you? Or anyone?

Why do we all seem to crave an innate desire to look like someone or something other than we are? Why judge someone who doesn't meet that expectation in your mind? We're all different and we all have different ideas of what appeals to us aesthetically, so why judge others who don't meet that?

I'm not asking for condescending criticism here, I'm genuinely asking. Here seems like an excellent place to gain some insight because most people here are trying to attain a body type or aesthetic that is much different than what they started off as.. be it being more put together, gaining muscle, wanting to be model thin, etc.

I'm asking because I'm curious and I don't (legitimately) understand this desire to be different than I was (regardless of the means taken to achieve it).

P.S. Please do not turn this into a body bashing thread. I've seen enough of those in my lifetime and jealousy isn't a pretty look on anyone.
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Replies

  • Svanel
    Svanel Posts: 6,255 Member
    edited June 2018
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    Humans are very visual creatures. Most peoples first perception is the physical aspects of another, i.e. looks, build, etc. etc. Many are drawn to another based solely off looks. That's the first impression we get. Until we take the time to know that person, we won't know if that beauty is skin deep or if it permeates to their core. There's so much media out there that markets certain looks that are deemed attractive, appropriate, strong, fit, etc. and there are a lot of people that try to achieve that mainstream. As humans, we all want to be accepted and wanted. So we try to fit in however we can. Damaging if taken to an extreme.
  • jjpptt2
    jjpptt2 Posts: 5,650 Member
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    For me personally... 80% of it is to gain approval/attention/similar, 20% is personal preference. But I have self esteem issues, so take it for what it's worth.
  • sardelsa
    sardelsa Posts: 9,812 Member
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    I wouldn't say I want to look like someone other than myself, but the best version of myself I know I can achieve with hard work and dedication. I have a certain physique in mind and it is not out of the realm of what can be obtained with muscle building cycles. To me how I look is very important to me in terms of how I feel and my confidence... not only that but the extra muscle comes in handy when I have to lift things in my everyday lift, plus it allows me to eat more and be more conscious of what I am eating (keeping my goals in check), and will no doubt be helpful as I age.

  • Diatonic12
    Diatonic12 Posts: 32,344 Member
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    It doesn't matter to me. I don't give a bo-diddlywhop if you have 6 pack abs or not. If maintaining a perfect body makes you meaner than a skunk then what good is it. I like people who can think for themselves about everything.

    I really like this joint because it's loaded to the gills with people not sheeple who can think for themselves. We expand our perceptions when we consider other possibilities beyond what we think we know.

    Connection is good.
  • kimber0607
    kimber0607 Posts: 994 Member
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    i believe beauty is in the eye of the beholder and what we (personally) deem beautiful may not be what the masses think is attractive. I lost about 20-25 pounds a few years ago and initially got lots of praise and was very happy with my size. Over the past 3 years I slowly gained it all back (about 25 pounds). I was devastated not so much by my size (as I knew even with the extra weight, I was still considered average size/weight) but the fact that I lost control and wasn't taking better care of myself ate at me. I actually received several comments about how i looked BETTER w added weight (fuller figure more womanly)..I know they meant well, but it crushed me personally. I felt like a failure for gaining the weight back. So now, Im back to do it for me...for the challenge....and my goal is to not get back to where i was, but get stronger, leaner and shed about 15 pounds :)
  • foodie18mfp
    foodie18mfp Posts: 43 Member
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    My reason for wanting to be “in shape” is to be strong. I want to be able to defend myself and my children if necessary using my body.
    I have learned that our looks don’t determine our value, but I still struggle with wanting other people to find me attractive. It’s most likely. Self esteem issue although I feel confident. My value doesn’t come from the eyes of anyone else. If I’d get into an accident and lose my outward beauty, I’d like to be able to still feel valuable and worthy of living. The people who truly love you are going to find you beautiful no matter how you look and those are the people to lean on and keep around. :) its a 100% fact that as a woman, I notice how a man treats others over everything else. He could be the most outwardly attractive man, but if he doesn’t treat others with love, isn’t humble, and doesn’t show compassion, I would have never talked to him during my single days. Spirit matters more.
  • gearhead426hemi
    gearhead426hemi Posts: 919 Member
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    Everyone just needs to focus on what makes them happy and keeps them motivated. We all have different goals, genetics and lifestyles so it is impossible for us all to be perfect. All we can strive for is the best we can be. It applies to all aspects in life, religion, career, fitness, diet everything. We all need to find what motivates us and focus on that. Don't judge others because we don't know their situations, genetics or what might be holding them back from being the best person they can be. Just be supportive and focus on yourself.
  • 4legsRbetterthan2
    4legsRbetterthan2 Posts: 19,590 MFP Moderator
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    "be it being more put together" - I relatively recently did a bit of a makeover in my wardrobe. I wanted to just look more professional at work, and now I just feel more confident when I wear those clothes. I guess I do kinda believe that how you dress and present yourself is an outward projection of how you feel inside. It seems to work a little in reverse too though, if you dress nice sometimes it helps boost your mood, kind of a fake it till you make it type result I guess.

    as for changing my body, I do want to lose some weight, for health, aesthetics, and mobility reasons. I don't really want to change anything drastic about myself though. I guess I kinda just take what I got a make the best of it. Accent my favorite parts, not so much my less favorite parts, but I can't really say there is anything I all out hate about myself.
  • KeepRunningFatboy
    KeepRunningFatboy Posts: 3,055 Member
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    Most all of us have been conditioned since birth. It absolutely completely surrounds us every single day in what we observe, hear about and think about. It has formed our beliefs of what is positive, healthy, attractive and preferred by society.

  • ChaelAZ
    ChaelAZ Posts: 2,240 Member
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    Media and social training.
  • ChaelAZ
    ChaelAZ Posts: 2,240 Member
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    ChaelAZ wrote: »
    Media and social training.

    That is, there is no profit in acceptance.
    There is no profit in averages and community sharing.
  • Diatonic12
    Diatonic12 Posts: 32,344 Member
    edited June 2018
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    natty_or_not wrote: »
    caco_ethes wrote: »
    Because the media bombard us with what we should look like

    The first time I read that, I thought you said ‘mafia’ not ‘media’ B);)

    The magazine cartel, posted up at every checkout aisle in the supermarkets :D

    Social media image crafting and perfecting. We're hardwired to compare ourselves against others. Jockey to get ahead. If looking at too many perfect insta accounts makes you feel low just quit looking at them. Don't compare yourself.
  • cwolfman13
    cwolfman13 Posts: 41,874 Member
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    I don't have any particularly advanced body composition goals or anything like that. I'm mostly concerned with being healthy. I've been lean for the vast majority of my life and then got fat when I was in my 30s. I much preferred the way I felt and looked when I was leaner.

    I will never have 6 pack abs...haven't had them since about 22 years old and never will and don't strive to have them either. I'd say 15% BF is pretty average in regards to guys who exercise regularly and have some semblance of a reasonably healthy diet...I'm fine with that. I do not have either the dietary discipline or training discipline for anything more advanced than that.
  • jgnatca
    jgnatca Posts: 14,464 Member
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    First of all, who is trying to get a certain body? Not me. I can speculate but I’d be projecting.

    I like getting my body in shape that it can do things. Be more flexible. Run faster and longer. Have greater stamina and be alert. And I like my hair.

    Also, my heroes and models I revere for aspects separate from a bodily ideal.

    (Florence Nightingale, Albert Schweitzer, Victor Frankl)
  • RoxieDawn
    RoxieDawn Posts: 15,488 Member
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    I don't have any desire to be any thing or look other than myself. I truly work hard and strive to be a better version of myself everyday. I spent way too many years being unhealthy and treating my body badly.

    I don't do any social media or listen to outside crap at all. Being older has its advantages in not letting outside influences effect me. Lastly, have now reached another point in my age where absolutely nothing is more important then feeling good, the bonus is that what I do to do that, my outward appearance has improved.

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