Why Does Looking a Certain Way Matter?
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caco_ethes wrote: »Because the media bombard us with what we should look likeKeepRunningFatboy wrote: »Most all of us have been conditioned since birth. It absolutely completely surrounds us every single day in what we observe, hear about and think about. It has formed our beliefs of what is positive, healthy, attractive and preferred by society.
But you as conscious, thinking people can choose to fight that conditioning. My question is why do most people not bother or seem to think that the unrealistic B.S. they know they're being fed on a day-to-day basis is something to strive for, even though logically, there is no way they can obtain something that doesn't exist or may not be possible for their body type without surgery or other more questionable means?
I guess what I want to know is why would anyone want to be miserable trying to obtain an unrealistic standard that makes them look like just 'everyone else' than to be the best them they can be at present and strive for whatever things they can control? After all, you can never know what the best "you" can be if you've never seen it or experienced.. so how would you even know if you one day got there?0 -
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CanesGalactica wrote: »caco_ethes wrote: »Because the media bombard us with what we should look likeKeepRunningFatboy wrote: »Most all of us have been conditioned since birth. It absolutely completely surrounds us every single day in what we observe, hear about and think about. It has formed our beliefs of what is positive, healthy, attractive and preferred by society.
But you as conscious, thinking people can choose to fight that conditioning. My question is why do most people not bother or seem to think that the unrealistic B.S. they know they're being fed on a day-to-day basis is something to strive for, even though logically, there is no way they can obtain something that doesn't exist or may not be possible for their body type without surgery or other more questionable means?
I guess what I want to know is why would anyone want to be miserable trying to obtain an unrealistic standard that makes them look like just 'everyone else' than to be the best them they can be at present and strive for whatever things they can control? After all, you can never know what the best "you" can be if you've never seen it or experienced.. so how would you even know if you one day got there?
There isnt really one answer, but I think alot of it has to do with loving and respecting yourself. There are many many ways thatcan be destroyed in someone.0 -
I know this is a fitness site where vanity and sexual attractiveness are the underlying theme in most discussions, especially in chit chat. In the other discussion rooms here, "health" or "getting healthy" are the mantras. But there is no denying that attractiveness concerns are the invisible hands that guide almost all body discussions on MFP.
But since the question is Does Looking A Certain Way Matter, what immediately came to mind was a young woman who I saw on a TV talk show in the 90s who got shot in the face and survived. She basically got her whole face shot off. Her face was covered by a scarf as the viewing audience was warned it would be too disturbing to see what it actually looked like. They showed what she looked like before and she was a very beautiful young woman.
I know this is an extreme example and has nothing to do with calorie counting, keto, or weight lifting. But there's no way around it. What we look like definitely matters in all areas of life. And anyone who denies this is a big fibber. But I think for most of us, it could be a lot worse than it is. So if we're fat or old or saggy or just plain ugly because we weren't blessed in the looks department - an attack or a disease or an accident could result in dramatic and permanent disfigurement. And we'd look back on what we thought were unattractive physical traits in ourselves and kick ourselves for not realizing how good we had it.
ETA: It matters because what we look like determines who will pay attention to us, who will talk to us, who will hire us, who will help us, who will approve of us, who will include us or exclude us. We want love, companionship and the capacity to earn money. And we'll go to any lengths to make ourselves look like we deserve these things because it's looks that open the door to these things. Looks matter and that's a fact.
I'm asking more from the standpoint of wanting to know why certain people look to achieve specific results without knowing whether or not those particular results are actually achievable in a safe and sane way.
For example, a woman may be depressed because her breasts are not large enough and, after trying to pump them up without surgery after years and years of trying, decides to have a modest breast implant to boost her self-esteem. Now, per what I'm asking and my non-judgment pact with myself, my question is "why did the woman opt for surgery instead of doing anything and everything she might have been able to internally to be at peace with herself and how she looked despite not having the large cup size she wanted?
That's really what I want to know. Why do so many people let their image of themselves define every aspect of their lives? Why not take a journey of self-exploration to find out why they feel this way?
I guess.. why is self-love so hard for people regardless of how they perceive themselves? After all, most of us do not see others harsher than we see ourselves. But why are we all our own worst critics? Why do we let outside circumstances define that image we have of ourselves? It's like giving complete control of an aspect of your life to an unknown source.
I am genuinely interested in answers.0 -
natty_or_not wrote: »caco_ethes wrote: »Because the media bombard us with what we should look like
The first time I read that, I thought you said ‘mafia’ not ‘media’
The magazine cartel, posted up at every checkout aisle in the supermarkets
Social media image crafting and perfecting. We're hardwired to compare ourselves against others. Jockey to get ahead. If looking at too many perfect insta accounts makes you feel low just quit looking at them. Don't compare yourself.
But why are we hardwired to compare ourselves and everything? I've always wanted to know. Does anyone really have an answer to it? So many things in our lives that we could be competing over really don't matter. Your comment of Instagram accounts is a good example. Unless you make your money off of Instagram, why in the grand scheme of things would anyone want to be competitive over it or use it as comparison for what they're not? It's not beneficial, in other words.0 -
CanesGalactica wrote: »natty_or_not wrote: »caco_ethes wrote: »Because the media bombard us with what we should look like
The first time I read that, I thought you said ‘mafia’ not ‘media’
The magazine cartel, posted up at every checkout aisle in the supermarkets
Social media image crafting and perfecting. We're hardwired to compare ourselves against others. Jockey to get ahead. If looking at too many perfect insta accounts makes you feel low just quit looking at them. Don't compare yourself.
But why are we hardwired to compare ourselves and everything? I've always wanted to know. Does anyone really have an answer to it? So many things in our lives that we could be competing over really don't matter. Your comment of Instagram accounts is a good example. Unless you make your money off of Instagram, why in the grand scheme of things would anyone want to be competitive over it or use it as comparison for what they're not? It's not beneficial, in other words.
Because appearance is where they get their "self worth"0 -
etguillemette wrote: »There may be something said about the intermingling of personality and appearance. People will make assumptions about you based on your appearance, but it's not always social conditioning or people being crappy. Our brains make shortcuts in spooky ways, and will unconciously group things together. Follow me down the rabbit hole...
Studies have shown that people holding a warm beverage viewed others as being more warm and open, people holding a cold beverage viewed people as cold and distant, and people holding a thick clipboard viewed people as being more serious. When it comes to body type, what kind of a person do you picture when you hear about someone who is "bold" and "brash"? What about "meek" and "mild"? "Sly" and "shifty"? What about "slovenly" and "slothful"? Extra bit of weirdness, notice how words like "meek", "mild", "sly", "shifty" all have quick sharp vowel sounds, while words like "bold", "brash", "slovenly" and "slothful" have wider, rounder vowel sounds? And that I just used "sharp" and "round" to describe sound, and you knew exactly what I meant? Spooky.
My point is that the words we use to describe ourselves also carry some visual connotations through some weird neurological voodoo, and that an uncomfortable dissonance can arise because of it. I spent most of my life being small and skinny, and I think my personality meshed nicely with that. I am generally quiet, careful, spare , unobtrusive, sharp, practical and efficient. It's like part of me built my personality around my body type, and when I started to get on the chubby side, my appearance felt incongruous with my personality. I don't think it's crazy when people say things like, "I want to be the person I was <number> years ago...", and I don't think it's just about appearance. Our personality and weight may not be directly related to each other, but our brains don't know that. Going from one body type to another can feel like you're crawling around in someone else's skin.
tldr: Brains are weird and lazy.
Okay, so this is pretty interesting from my perspective. I have been overweight my entire life. There has never been a time I wasn't overweight. So for someone in my position, I have no "before I got fat" image of myself. I've also always dealt with the setbacks and disapproving judgment of people based on my appearance. Even when I was starving myself (unintentionally) and got down to 160, I was still kinda chubby looking.
So for me, it's a complete disconnect to say "I want to be the person I was X number of years ago" because I honestly have no frame of reference for that. And given that, I have no fundamental understanding of hating yourself for "letting yourself go" because I've always been overweight. Not medically obese, but clinically overweight. There just came a time in my life recently where I realized I spent all of my 20s being obsessed by what other people thought of me, how terrible my body was compared my peers and how much self-hate I was instigating. Which, incidentally, was doing nothing for my clinical depression.
So in this recent time span, I have decided to truly stop caring about what other people think (why should I let strangers dictate my life?), work on repairing that mental image I have of myself and being the best me I can be NOW regardless of my weight or outside appearance. After all, as others have mentioned, the changes aren't going to happen overnight, so why should I spend all that time being completely miserable? How is that beneficial to anyone? It's not.. and it's definitely not motivational enough (for me) to make a change.0 -
CanesGalactica wrote: »natty_or_not wrote: »caco_ethes wrote: »Because the media bombard us with what we should look like
The first time I read that, I thought you said ‘mafia’ not ‘media’
The magazine cartel, posted up at every checkout aisle in the supermarkets
Social media image crafting and perfecting. We're hardwired to compare ourselves against others. Jockey to get ahead. If looking at too many perfect insta accounts makes you feel low just quit looking at them. Don't compare yourself.
But why are we hardwired to compare ourselves and everything? I've always wanted to know. Does anyone really have an answer to it? So many things in our lives that we could be competing over really don't matter. Your comment of Instagram accounts is a good example. Unless you make your money off of Instagram, why in the grand scheme of things would anyone want to be competitive over it or use it as comparison for what they're not? It's not beneficial, in other words.
As much as I try not to compare myself to others, the feelings do get the best of me. It is very strange too. I could see a top figure competitor be very inspired by them and not feel any feelings of jealousy or comparison, but then I see someone with beautiful hair and eyes and the "kind of look I wish I had" and it sends me into a sad downward spiral. Or people who are always on vacation and living luxurious lifestyles with beautiful houses and clothes. I don't chose or want to feel that way, and deep down I know it is not beneficial...but it seems to be in my nature to compare. I have this idea how I want to look and be presented to others and to myself. I think it stems from childhood.. being teased and being an ugly duckling pretty much my whole life.1 -
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But that doesn't mean that you know what the "best version of you" is. How can you know if you've never seen or experienced it before? Maybe the "best version of you" has absolutely nothing to do with your health or your fitness level.. or maybe it does? But how would you know if you've never experienced it?
Inquiring minds want to know!0 -
4legsRbetterthan2 wrote: »CanesGalactica wrote: »caco_ethes wrote: »Because the media bombard us with what we should look likeKeepRunningFatboy wrote: »Most all of us have been conditioned since birth. It absolutely completely surrounds us every single day in what we observe, hear about and think about. It has formed our beliefs of what is positive, healthy, attractive and preferred by society.
But you as conscious, thinking people can choose to fight that conditioning. My question is why do most people not bother or seem to think that the unrealistic B.S. they know they're being fed on a day-to-day basis is something to strive for, even though logically, there is no way they can obtain something that doesn't exist or may not be possible for their body type without surgery or other more questionable means?
I guess what I want to know is why would anyone want to be miserable trying to obtain an unrealistic standard that makes them look like just 'everyone else' than to be the best them they can be at present and strive for whatever things they can control? After all, you can never know what the best "you" can be if you've never seen it or experienced.. so how would you even know if you one day got there?
There isnt really one answer, but I think alot of it has to do with loving and respecting yourself. There are many many ways thatcan be destroyed in someone.
True, but why do people not work on that internal strife while they work on their external appearance (if that makes them happy)? I hear a lot of stories from people who did work on a lot of the external stuff and were still sidled with the same unhappiness insides that led to their transformations in the first place. IE. They addressed the physical health and dietary aspects of feeling better but not processing through the mental strife they had going on.
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Not answers to it all, but a few ideas:
Why not take a journey of self-exploration to find out why they feel this way?
1. They have to realize they are doing it.
2. They have to face the fact that they are doing it.
3. It may be a painful process.
After all, most of us do not see others harsher than we see ourselves.- i cant say I fully agree, but varies person to person
But why are we all our own worst critics? - because we know more about ourselves than others
Why do we let outside circumstances define that image we have of ourselves? It's like giving complete control of an aspect of your life to an unknown source. - Might stem from people being "pack animals" and instinct that goes along with that to fit in.
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"After all, as others have mentioned, the changes aren't going to happen overnight, so why should I spend all that time being completely miserable? How is that beneficial to anyone? It's not.. and it's definitely not motivational enough (for me) to make a change."
I don't if we're giving you the answers you need to hear. If you don't want to spend your time being miserable and you've decided it's not beneficial or motivational enough...then your enough is really enough. No judgment.
For others, it is beneficial to them. They're overall health and wellbeing is linked to their level of fitness. There are only choices and consequences and they choose not to fall back into old habits that made them feel less than energetic or healthy, mentally or physically.
For me, I can think more clearly. I could plan and learn and study until the cows come home but until I chose to just go do something by throwing all of that dieting clutter out of my brain, I was not happy.
What's that saying around here? Track it and move it. I did.0 -
"After all, as others have mentioned, the changes aren't going to happen overnight, so why should I spend all that time being completely miserable? How is that beneficial to anyone? It's not.. and it's definitely not motivational enough (for me) to make a change."
I don't if we're giving you the answers you need to hear. If you don't want to spend your time being miserable and you've decided it's not beneficial or motivational enough...then your enough is really enough. No judgment.
For others, it is beneficial to them. They're overall health and wellbeing is linked to their level of fitness. There are only choices and consequences and they choose not to fall back into old habits that made them feel less than energetic or healthy, mentally or physically.
I'm asking from a general perspective, not a personal one. I don't find being led by media standards or personal modes of unrealistic (for me) perfection to be beneficial (again, for me).
I'm not looking to hear a specific reason for anything, I'm interested in the personal experiences and reflections of a bunch of strangers who think nothing like I do. Weird, huh?
As a person who suffers from clinical depression, I simply cannot understand why anyone would willingly subject themselves to being miserable or feeling "less than" on something that isn't going to change overnight. I do understand wanting to better oneself (in whatever way they feel is acceptable), but being in a perpetual mode of self-hatred until they get where they want to be seems self-defeating. I mean, congratulations if that method works for some, but it definitely would not work for me personally as I was in that terrible abyss unwillingly for years.1 -
For me it’s not about looking a certain way, it’s about being in control and getting back to the person I was when I met my husband. When we first met I was about 145lbs and I was confident and happy in my own skin, we’ve been together for 19 years and in that time I’ve been through 5 pregnancies one of which was our little girl who we lost halfway through the pregnancy, we’ve also been through 2 miscarriages and I’ve lost several members of my family including my mum which all led to comfort eating. Anytime I was stressed or upset I would eat and I lost all my confidence and wasn’t happy in my own skin at all. My weight spiralled out of control and when I started here on the 26th of February I weighed 204lbs and was ashamed of myself. Now fast forward a few months I’m 179lbs so still have a long way to go but my confidence is slowly coming back and I’m starting to feel like my old self again. I no longer comfort eat which was something that plagued me for years and thought I’d never overcome. I’m not looking to be skinny, I don’t want to look like a model I just want to be me and be healthy. I’ve never understood why people lose weight for the approval of others, if someone doesn’t love you for who you are they’re not worth your time. I always think weight loss should be something you do for yourself.
I never experienced a miscarriage. Only recently when somenone close to me lost their baby did it ever dawn in me what that may slightly feel like. My heart goes out to you.1 -
CanesGalactica wrote: »4legsRbetterthan2 wrote: »CanesGalactica wrote: »caco_ethes wrote: »Because the media bombard us with what we should look likeKeepRunningFatboy wrote: »Most all of us have been conditioned since birth. It absolutely completely surrounds us every single day in what we observe, hear about and think about. It has formed our beliefs of what is positive, healthy, attractive and preferred by society.
But you as conscious, thinking people can choose to fight that conditioning. My question is why do most people not bother or seem to think that the unrealistic B.S. they know they're being fed on a day-to-day basis is something to strive for, even though logically, there is no way they can obtain something that doesn't exist or may not be possible for their body type without surgery or other more questionable means?
I guess what I want to know is why would anyone want to be miserable trying to obtain an unrealistic standard that makes them look like just 'everyone else' than to be the best them they can be at present and strive for whatever things they can control? After all, you can never know what the best "you" can be if you've never seen it or experienced.. so how would you even know if you one day got there?
There isnt really one answer, but I think alot of it has to do with loving and respecting yourself. There are many many ways thatcan be destroyed in someone.
True, but why do people not work on that internal strife while they work on their external appearance (if that makes them happy)? I hear a lot of stories from people who did work on a lot of the external stuff and were still sidled with the same unhappiness insides that led to their transformations in the first place. IE. They addressed the physical health and dietary aspects of feeling better but not processing through the mental strife they had going on.
Yeah I have seen that too. Partly I think the physical and dietary fixes are more straitforward. Want to lose weight, go on a diet. Want to build muscle. Lift weights. Oversimplified but the answers are pretty well known and abvious.
Why do I feel I need to look a certain way to deserve love? That can be a deep and tangled web to unravel. You may not even be able to withput professional assistancd (which also "looks bad" and adds a catch22 to the problem)1 -
Argumentum ad populum. Understood and appreciated.2
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4legsRbetterthan2 wrote: »CanesGalactica wrote: »4legsRbetterthan2 wrote: »CanesGalactica wrote: »caco_ethes wrote: »Because the media bombard us with what we should look likeKeepRunningFatboy wrote: »Most all of us have been conditioned since birth. It absolutely completely surrounds us every single day in what we observe, hear about and think about. It has formed our beliefs of what is positive, healthy, attractive and preferred by society.
But you as conscious, thinking people can choose to fight that conditioning. My question is why do most people not bother or seem to think that the unrealistic B.S. they know they're being fed on a day-to-day basis is something to strive for, even though logically, there is no way they can obtain something that doesn't exist or may not be possible for their body type without surgery or other more questionable means?
I guess what I want to know is why would anyone want to be miserable trying to obtain an unrealistic standard that makes them look like just 'everyone else' than to be the best them they can be at present and strive for whatever things they can control? After all, you can never know what the best "you" can be if you've never seen it or experienced.. so how would you even know if you one day got there?
There isnt really one answer, but I think alot of it has to do with loving and respecting yourself. There are many many ways thatcan be destroyed in someone.
True, but why do people not work on that internal strife while they work on their external appearance (if that makes them happy)? I hear a lot of stories from people who did work on a lot of the external stuff and were still sidled with the same unhappiness insides that led to their transformations in the first place. IE. They addressed the physical health and dietary aspects of feeling better but not processing through the mental strife they had going on.
Yeah I have seen that too. Partly I think the physical and dietary fixes are more straitforward. Want to lose weight, go on a diet. Want to build muscle. Lift weights. Oversimplified but the answers are pretty well known and abvious.
Why do I feel I need to look a certain way to deserve love? That can be a deep and tangled web to unravel. You may not even be able to withput professional assistancd (which also "looks bad" and adds a catch22 to the problem)
There, you said what I was trying in way too many words to really ask.
Why do people punish themselves to the point of feeling that they don't deserve love, attention, respect (whatever) based on their appearance or their past choices that may have led to their less than stellar perception of themselves?
And yes, I agree. It may be that people need resources available (like professional help) that currently aren't. That's a situation I understand quite well. I think the nature of a lot of the non-fiction books I like to read has helped me slowly start to get to this point of questioning things I thought were truths or just "well, that's how it is".
But in that quest, I still really like the input of people I am not personally involved with because the opinions feel more genuine than someone who may or may not be trying to protect my feelings (or themselves).
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I have no self hatred and don't go through misery to achieve my physical goals. It's actually the opposite. I love myself and want the very best for myself because I believe I am worth it. I'm worth the extra effort and am willing to put in the work needed. My motivation and drive doesn't come from hating myself or wishing to be someone else. My motivation comes from within. I love myself enough to know that I am worth the effort. Not every fit person is miserable on the inside. I'm quite the opposite. I like who I am on the inside and outside.
I feel like I deserve to be strong and healthy so I worked hard and made it happen.
I don't have Instagram and Facebook so I absolutely do NOT compare myself to others on social media because I'm not even on those sites. I don't read the fitness or fashion magazines either because I prefer my reading to be fact based . I stay away from the woo articles anyway so I'm not comparing myself to those models either. I don't put much stock in the media at all so there's no way I would let them dictate how I feel about myself or how they feel I should look.
I have never wished to be someone else. I do admire others though but not fake Photoshopped images. I may admire a lady in the grocery store with nice hair or pretty eyes but I don't strive to change myself to look like that in any way. I may think a man has a nice back but I don't dream to have the same back as him. I don't need to compare myself or set out to look like another human being because I'm happy just being me. You can admire peoples nice qualities without wishing to look just like them. I can find beauty in just about anyone.
Not everyone that cares about their appearance is suffering inside, I'm certainly not. I'm quite content with who I am as a person.
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100_PROOF_ wrote: »I have no self hatred and don't go through misery to achieve my physical goals. It's actually the opposite. I love myself and want the very best for myself because I believe I am worth it. I'm worth the extra effort and am willing to put in the work needed. My motivation and drive doesn't come from hating myself or wishing to be someone else. My motivation comes from within. I love myself enough to know that I am worth the effort. Not every fit person is miserable on the inside. I'm quite the opposite. I like who I am on the inside and outside.
I feel like I deserve to be strong and healthy so I worked hard and made it happen.
I don't have Instagram and Facebook so I absolutely do NOT compare myself to others on social media because I'm not even on those sites. I don't read the fitness or fashion magazines either because I prefer my reading to be fact based . I stay away from the woo articles anyway so I'm not comparing myself to those models either. I don't put much stock in the media at all so there's no way I would let them dictate how I feel about myself or how they feel I should look.
I have never wished to be someone else. I do admire others though but not fake Photoshopped images. I may admire a lady in the grocery store with nice hair or pretty eyes but I don't strive to change myself to look like that in any way. I may think a man has a nice back but I don't dream to have the same back as him. I don't need to compare myself or set out to look like another human being because I'm happy just being me. You can admire peoples nice qualities without wishing to look just like them. I can find beauty in just about anyone.
Not everyone that cares about their appearance is suffering inside, I'm certainly not. I'm quite content with who I am as a person.
Would you judge someone who wasn't putting in the extra effort or work in the way you are to be better (in your opinion) as less than? Or is it more of an "each to their own" type affair? If a person were able to achieve self-love and appreciation for their body as it is (even if it isn't in peak performance) are they still less than in your opinion? Or have they simply taken a different journey to arrive at a similar end point, even if you (in this instance) look fit and that other person may or may not look physically fit?
I'm very comforted in knowing that not everyone who cares about their appearance is suffering inside or putting aside all else to get what they want. But why so much emphasis on personal appearance in the first place? If all you care about is being the best you (you being general here) by living more healthfully, then why so much care and consideration on muscle mass, how toned someone is, whether they have a "beach body" or whatever other media scripted thing is in fashion that year?
I guess I just really don't understand why looking a specific way is so important for some people. And that's why I'm here.. asking a bunch of random strangers questions about it. Thank you for your input.
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CanesGalactica wrote: »100_PROOF_ wrote: »I have no self hatred and don't go through misery to achieve my physical goals. It's actually the opposite. I love myself and want the very best for myself because I believe I am worth it. I'm worth the extra effort and am willing to put in the work needed. My motivation and drive doesn't come from hating myself or wishing to be someone else. My motivation comes from within. I love myself enough to know that I am worth the effort. Not every fit person is miserable on the inside. I'm quite the opposite. I like who I am on the inside and outside.
I feel like I deserve to be strong and healthy so I worked hard and made it happen.
I don't have Instagram and Facebook so I absolutely do NOT compare myself to others on social media because I'm not even on those sites. I don't read the fitness or fashion magazines either because I prefer my reading to be fact based . I stay away from the woo articles anyway so I'm not comparing myself to those models either. I don't put much stock in the media at all so there's no way I would let them dictate how I feel about myself or how they feel I should look.
I have never wished to be someone else. I do admire others though but not fake Photoshopped images. I may admire a lady in the grocery store with nice hair or pretty eyes but I don't strive to change myself to look like that in any way. I may think a man has a nice back but I don't dream to have the same back as him. I don't need to compare myself or set out to look like another human being because I'm happy just being me. You can admire peoples nice qualities without wishing to look just like them. I can find beauty in just about anyone.
Not everyone that cares about their appearance is suffering inside, I'm certainly not. I'm quite content with who I am as a person.
Would you judge someone who wasn't putting in the extra effort or work in the way you are to be better (in your opinion) as less than? Or is it more of an "each to their own" type affair? If a person were able to achieve self-love and appreciation for their body as it is (even if it isn't in peak performance) are they still less than in your opinion? Or have they simply taken a different journey to arrive at a similar end point, even if you (in this instance) look fit and that other person may or may not look physically fit?
I'm very comforted in knowing that not everyone who cares about their appearance is suffering inside or putting aside all else to get what they want. But why so much emphasis on personal appearance in the first place? If all you care about is being the best you (you being general here) by living more healthfully, then why so much care and consideration on muscle mass, how toned someone is, whether they have a "beach body" or whatever other media scripted thing is in fashion that year?
I guess I just really don't understand why looking a specific way is so important for some people. And that's why I'm here.. asking a bunch of random strangers questions about it. Thank you for your input.
I'll try to answer the best that I can but there is not going to be a clear cut answer because each person is going to feel differently. What drives each person is an individual thing .
No I absolutely do not judge others that don't want this lifestyle. it's not for everyone , not everyone finds it fun or attractive.
Last weekend I went to a show in a small town called Medford New Jersey. Out of millions of people who lived in that tri-state area, only several hundred came to the body building show. Not everyone aspires to look a certain way and that's totally okay. Not everyone is interested in that type of thing. I don't judge people for having different goals than I do. They might want to be the best bird watcher in the world or might want to be best runner. Those aren't my goals but everyone is different. My goal is strength, their goal may be the opposite. Neither is right or wrong.
In my opinion being strong is important. It's important to me. It may not be important to everyone though and that's okay. Strength is my goal and I love the progression. I love looking back at training plans from 7 years ago and seeing how far I have come along. I love looking at pictures of myself 20 years ago and seeing all the improvements I have made. I like challenging myself and know that I am worth the work.
I have never suffered from low self esteem and have always known my self worth. I was beautiful then and am beautiful now.
My spouse loves me no matter what I look like because our connection is deeper than physical attraction. My kids love me no matter what I look like and most importantly,I love myself. Not everyone that looks fit is silently suffering. Some of us just have goals that happen to be physical rather than mental or spiritual.
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MEDIA COMA4
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CanesGalactica wrote: »natty_or_not wrote: »caco_ethes wrote: »Because the media bombard us with what we should look like
The first time I read that, I thought you said ‘mafia’ not ‘media’
The magazine cartel, posted up at every checkout aisle in the supermarkets
Social media image crafting and perfecting. We're hardwired to compare ourselves against others. Jockey to get ahead. If looking at too many perfect insta accounts makes you feel low just quit looking at them. Don't compare yourself.
But why are we hardwired to compare ourselves and everything? I've always wanted to know. Does anyone really have an answer to it? So many things in our lives that we could be competing over really don't matter. Your comment of Instagram accounts is a good example. Unless you make your money off of Instagram, why in the grand scheme of things would anyone want to be competitive over it or use it as comparison for what they're not? It's not beneficial, in other words.
From my perspective...
Media/advertising targets people's insecurities. We are bombarded by messages of you're not good enough - either directly or indirectly. So many products are sold not based on what they do, but based on what's wrong with a person/consumer (bad skin, overweight, ED, etc). The ones that aren't still feature attractive, fit, successful people in their ads (which yes, there is/can be a "if I buy that product I'll look like them, get that type of girl, have that kind of lifestyle, etc" connection).
I think for many people, the desire to fit in spirals into the need to keep up with the joneses, which feeds the comparison culture.0 -
I don't try to look like anyone else. I try to be the best version of myself, on the inside and on the outside. It's important to me to respect my body, keep it healthy and myself happy. I also want my body to look the best it can, determined by what I think is beautiful and suits my body and my life. I treat my appearance as a form of self-expression. I believe that when I look good, it's because I'm healthy. When I look bad, it's because I'm unhealthy.
I also believe that appreciation of beauty, be it in nature or in ourselves, is an important part of my spiritual practice.0 -
There's also a very practical side to physicality for individuals in high risk jobs or the military that have to be at the top of their game, all of the time. They work out to stay alive. I have some of those in my family. I like your discussion because it's made me reassess why and what I'm doing.0
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4legsRbetterthan2 wrote: »natty_or_not wrote: »
Cool, yeah. That is what everyone is supposed to say. Just not the reality of it for most.
This is kind of a weird example, i see what you are getting at. But the difference in race may add another layer to the puzzle. (wasnt sure if I should post this, dont want to start a whole discussion about race[ism])
I don't recognize race, so didn't really think about that, but of course for some that is another subconscious layer of complexity. My point is, if people were to admit to their unfiltered mental judgements of what is said in their heads when viewing the two pictures, just based on aesthetic value, the fit, younger, more "attractive" guy wins almost every point. Further more, who do you think a company would prefer to hire or have represent them?
So not saying we don't moderate ourselves and sometimes catch those thoughts, and maybe even correct them, but intrinsically, because of media, social grooming, etc., those thoughts are within almost everyone. Ironically I had just posted in a thread about what a world would be like without mirrors or a social construct that places physical aesthetic value above almost everything. I watched a documentary about an indigenous tribe that has very little contact with the outside world, and it was amazing how different their self-confidence and image was compared to the neurotic society we have developed.
Personally, I fight with this internally a lot. And even with a keen internal eye that can recognize and call BS on my own predispositions, correcting them to rectify that thinking is something that will take a lifetime to undo, if it is even possible.2 -
CanesGalactica wrote: ».
But that doesn't mean that you know what the "best version of you" is. How can you know if you've never seen or experienced it before? Maybe the "best version of you" has absolutely nothing to do with your health or your fitness level.. or maybe it does? But how would you know if you've never experienced it?
Inquiring minds want to know!
I tried to explain it as it relates to me, but I deleted my post, felt my personal explanation wouldn't answer your question very well.
But I'll try again. I have experienced it and you're comment about it had nothing to do with health and fitness is spot on. The health and fitness is secondary to the improvements I make every day. I can diligently take a look back say 13 years ago, 5 years ago, a year ago and today, I am definitely not the same person I was and much much better, most of it has to do with confidence, attitude, mindset, strength (not just physically), etc etc.
The health and fitness gives me something to focus on for myself outside of all other things like being a mom, co worker, wife, etc, but it helps me be better at all of these things, if that makes any since. I learned along time ago, when mindset is right the body will follow not in just physical changes. Some of this is age, as I transition into middle age which I am going through right this very minute my perspectives are different, I definitely like and enjoy where I am much better than all those years ago, that has to be a better version of yourself doesn't it?2 -
@ChaelAZ. We are bent on survival. Social media image crafting has blown everything out of proportion. Belly selfies with a toilet in the background for the WIN.
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I'm just here for the articles.3 -
4legsRbetterthan2 wrote: »natty_or_not wrote: »
Cool, yeah. That is what everyone is supposed to say. Just not the reality of it for most.
This is kind of a weird example, i see what you are getting at. But the difference in race may add another layer to the puzzle. (wasnt sure if I should post this, dont want to start a whole discussion about race[ism])
I don't recognize race, so didn't really think about that, but of course for some that is another subconscious layer of complexity. My point is, if people were to admit to their unfiltered mental judgements of what is said in their heads when viewing the two pictures, just based on aesthetic value, the fit, younger, more "attractive" guy wins almost every point. Further more, who do you think a company would prefer to hire or have represent them?
So not saying we don't moderate ourselves and sometimes catch those thoughts, and maybe even correct them, but intrinsically, because of media, social grooming, etc., those thoughts are within almost everyone. Ironically I had just posted in a thread about what a world would be like without mirrors or a social construct that places physical aesthetic value above almost everything. I watched a documentary about an indigenous tribe that has very little contact with the outside world, and it was amazing how different their self-confidence and image was compared to the neurotic society we have developed.
Personally, I fight with this internally a lot. And even with a keen internal eye that can recognize and call BS on my own predispositions, correcting them to rectify that thinking is something that will take a lifetime to undo, if it is even possible.
Maybe, but my honest first response would be:
Who is better off? 1- probably has alot more money and is more "stable" in life
Who has the better job? 1- probably has alot more experience and the better job
Who would sell more clothes? - definitely 2
Who would be more respected? - I guess it largely depends on "by whom" but by society in general, probably 1
Who is the better lover? - probably 2
Who has the most opportunities in the world? - not really sure, depends on the opportuinities
obviously, everything is pretty subjective here1
This discussion has been closed.
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