Let Me Down Easy..
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mustacheU2Lift wrote: »Well my honest answer is just say it. But in a way thats not hurtful. And dont make me ask for an answer. Respect is key.
This. If you're in the role of the dumper, don't get nasty. Don't be mean. Do be honest, clear, and POLITE. Polite is NOT the same as nice. Polite just means don't be rude.
Sadly, far too many can't understand this.0 -
caco_ethes wrote: »Everyone knows mfp is a whirlwind of crushes and micro-romances, oftentimes simultaneously. But what to do when that starts to fade?
Seen this on social media forums for decades now. Cycle for interest is usually on a few months, maybe up to six months before there are so many other vying for attention the distraction and crushes just keep moving along.
the real killer is when things move to sexual exploits - the trading of stories, pictures, videos, live chats...usually with the promise or desire to meet up in person. But there are only so many words, poses, visual acts, and things to do online before the stark reality of the distance and futility of it all overruns the excitement of a new person, and things fade REALLY quick there. Usually you will see either one or both poof their accounts and many times reincarnate for new profiles (many times this is also to cover the trax from the significant other, unfortunately). That is when you know they've moved on, or when they are back in flirting and grooming the next person for three months of fun.
I've been there over the years.
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Motorsheen wrote: »caco_ethes wrote: »Or not?
Everyone knows mfp is a whirlwind of crushes and micro-romances, oftentimes simultaneously. But what to do when that starts to fade?
This came up in a conversation yesterday and I thought it was interesting enough to make a thread about. So what do you prefer? Do you want the bald truth if someone has lost interest in you? If you’re the one losing interest, do you feel like you need to spare their feelings?
This is not specific to MFP but this could be a way to vaguely let someone know that it’s safe to be blunt.. or not.
EDIT: Also, how do you know when someone is over you and moved on?
lose interest in me?
I don't understand this question.....
I'm still trying to figure out what crushes and micro-romances are.
micro-romance...... I'm not sure what that means either.
but I can Crush five tacos with ease.0 -
I pretend to be pregnant1
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Motorsheen wrote: »Motorsheen wrote: »caco_ethes wrote: »Or not?
Everyone knows mfp is a whirlwind of crushes and micro-romances, oftentimes simultaneously. But what to do when that starts to fade?
This came up in a conversation yesterday and I thought it was interesting enough to make a thread about. So what do you prefer? Do you want the bald truth if someone has lost interest in you? If you’re the one losing interest, do you feel like you need to spare their feelings?
This is not specific to MFP but this could be a way to vaguely let someone know that it’s safe to be blunt.. or not.
EDIT: Also, how do you know when someone is over you and moved on?
lose interest in me?
I don't understand this question.....
I'm still trying to figure out what crushes and micro-romances are.
micro-romance...... I'm not sure what that means either.
but I can Crush five tacos with ease.
I crushed tacos at lunch today. Crushing is my new favorite sport.1 -
JustKeepTryin wrote: »hmmm... so someone has to like you first to have to worry about all this nonsense? no wonder I'm so confused!
I can see how this is possible! I’m in the same boat!0 -
xFunctionalStrengthx wrote: »mustacheU2Lift wrote: »Here's the thing. Letting someone down easy does not do THEM any favors. It leaves room for misinterpretation, and gives people false hope. When you let someone down easy, that's for YOU. Because you can't handle delivering the honest message about what you're not feeling.
The whole question about letting someone down easy isn't even framed properly. This isn't about the dump-ee, it's ACTUALLY about the dump-er. And if you're going to dump someone, please have the stones to make it clear what's going on. It's better for everyone.
To be the dumpee or dumper wouldn't a "relationship" have to be vocalized and agreed upon to some degree. You cant dumper if theres no real dumpee.
Sorry, just wanted to say dumpee and dumper.
While one would think so, there are those people who get easily confused regarding relationships. Therefore, they may feel like a slighted dumpee when in actuality nothing even close to a relationship existed.
This happens A LOT here where someone is just having fun and the other one is falling in love. Sometimes, but not often, the one having fun is honest about their intentions or lack thereof. Quite often that person is also having fun with 12 others who also think they are the special one.
..... This is just a place to goof and clown, how someone can become infatuated with someone else on here is a mystery to me.2 -
Motorsheen wrote: »xFunctionalStrengthx wrote: »mustacheU2Lift wrote: »Here's the thing. Letting someone down easy does not do THEM any favors. It leaves room for misinterpretation, and gives people false hope. When you let someone down easy, that's for YOU. Because you can't handle delivering the honest message about what you're not feeling.
The whole question about letting someone down easy isn't even framed properly. This isn't about the dump-ee, it's ACTUALLY about the dump-er. And if you're going to dump someone, please have the stones to make it clear what's going on. It's better for everyone.
To be the dumpee or dumper wouldn't a "relationship" have to be vocalized and agreed upon to some degree. You cant dumper if theres no real dumpee.
Sorry, just wanted to say dumpee and dumper.
While one would think so, there are those people who get easily confused regarding relationships. Therefore, they may feel like a slighted dumpee when in actuality nothing even close to a relationship existed.
This happens A LOT here where someone is just having fun and the other one is falling in love. Sometimes, but not often, the one having fun is honest about their intentions or lack thereof. Quite often that person is also having fun with 12 others who also think they are the special one.
..... This is just a place to goof and clown, how someone can become infatuated with someone else on here is a mystery to me.
Does this mean we aren't getting married and you aren't having my babies?? I. Am. Crushed.
shhh..... I was deflecting attention.
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"It's not you, it's me.." j/k. No.
Clear, concise and to the point. Don't be glazing that ish. Just tell me. I'm a big girl. I'll do the same.0 -
See, that isn't so hard, is it.1 -
xFunctionalStrengthx wrote: »mustacheU2Lift wrote: »Here's the thing. Letting someone down easy does not do THEM any favors. It leaves room for misinterpretation, and gives people false hope. When you let someone down easy, that's for YOU. Because you can't handle delivering the honest message about what you're not feeling.
The whole question about letting someone down easy isn't even framed properly. This isn't about the dump-ee, it's ACTUALLY about the dump-er. And if you're going to dump someone, please have the stones to make it clear what's going on. It's better for everyone.
To be the dumpee or dumper wouldn't a "relationship" have to be vocalized and agreed upon to some degree. You cant dumper if theres no real dumpee.
Sorry, just wanted to say dumpee and dumper.
While one would think so, there are those people who get easily confused regarding relationships. Therefore, they may feel like a slighted dumpee when in actuality nothing even close to a relationship existed.
This happens A LOT here where someone is just having fun and the other one is falling in love. Sometimes, but not often, the one having fun is honest about their intentions or lack thereof. Quite often that person is also having fun with 12 others who also think they are the special one.
Shhhh.... Those 12 guys I am talking to think I am their only one. Please don't tell them otherwise. I have a bet going to see which one will fall in love with me first.2 -
TL;DR
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"I am glad we met. You are a really cool person and I have tried really hard to “get in to it” but I just can’t. I always had good intentions but honestly I’m just not feeling it. I start thinking about being responsible for your feeling s and being tied down and honestly it freaks me out. I’m just not ready for it. I am fine with dating now and then but I think you want more and I don’t want to keep you on a string."
^^^^^^ This was what happened to me in real life yesterday after about a month of seeing each other. First off, he assumed things wrong. I wasnt ready to "tie him down ". After initially feeling hurt and rejected, I appreciated the honesty of it. We may still see each other, we may not. But this approach is way better than ghosting. I'm the same way when I end things. No reason to hurt feelings. Be a grown up. I'm still friends with almost everyone I've ever been involved with.
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Being let down is something I don't take too well. I've become savvy at seeing the writing the wall and getting out before I get hit with that fateful conversation that sends me to Hermitville.
If I don't get a reply to my DM before the sun sets in the east, I will block --> delete --> start going to a different post office.0 -
caco_ethes wrote: »Personally, I’d want to know bluntly. The sooner the better. Then we can move on to dishing about your new flings
This. I like the closure, as do most humans, I think.0 -
xFunctionalStrengthx wrote: »mustacheU2Lift wrote: »Here's the thing. Letting someone down easy does not do THEM any favors. It leaves room for misinterpretation, and gives people false hope. When you let someone down easy, that's for YOU. Because you can't handle delivering the honest message about what you're not feeling.
The whole question about letting someone down easy isn't even framed properly. This isn't about the dump-ee, it's ACTUALLY about the dump-er. And if you're going to dump someone, please have the stones to make it clear what's going on. It's better for everyone.
To be the dumpee or dumper wouldn't a "relationship" have to be vocalized and agreed upon to some degree. You cant dumper if theres no real dumpee.
Sorry, just wanted to say dumpee and dumper.
While one would think so, there are those people who get easily confused regarding relationships. Therefore, they may feel like a slighted dumpee when in actuality nothing even close to a relationship existed.
This happens A LOT here where someone is just having fun and the other one is falling in love. Sometimes, but not often, the one having fun is honest about their intentions or lack thereof. Quite often that person is also having fun with 12 others who also think they are the special one.
Sadly, it happens a lot all over the 'net. It's very easy for people to see what they want, and for others to project what they want others to see with minimal risk of getting caught. I think some people get caught up in the attention, and live for the excitement.
Unfortunately, someone always tends to get hurt.
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I have been ghosted in relationships of all sorts, even platonic female friendships. I try not to take it personally because we all have our own *kitten*. Some people turn to other people and some run and hide. I can't force anyone to handle anything differently even though it really hurts.
I don't ghost people. I never just disappear and stop answering. Even if the extent of my emotions change for someone I don't try to hide from them because there was probably something good I saw in them that is still there despite me being in a different state of mind. I am friends with almost all of my exes for that reason.Avocado_AS5 wrote: »"I am glad we met. You are a really cool person and I have tried really hard to “get in to it” but I just can’t. I always had good intentions but honestly I’m just not feeling it. I start thinking about being responsible for your feeling s and being tied down and honestly it freaks me out. I’m just not ready for it. I am fine with dating now and then but I think you want more and I don’t want to keep you on a string."
^^^^^^ This was what happened to me in real life yesterday after about a month of seeing each other. First off, he assumed things wrong. I wasnt ready to "tie him down ". After initially feeling hurt and rejected, I appreciated the honesty of it. We may still see each other, we may not. But this approach is way better than ghosting. I'm the same way when I end things. No reason to hurt feelings. Be a grown up. I'm still friends with almost everyone I've ever been involved with.
This intrigues me a little bit that you two are still friends with your exes. Not saying it's a bad thing. But, while most of my relationships ended on a good note. I have only seen most of my exes once after we broke up, and it was in passing. I can't say I'm friends with them, since we don't get together, talk, etc. as if friends. But, aside from one, there isn't animosity.
I know a few others who say they are still friends with their exes. But, given that at the end of my relationships, we've gone our separate ways, it's very rare to stay in contact with them.0 -
xFunctionalStrengthx wrote: »I have been ghosted in relationships of all sorts, even platonic female friendships. I try not to take it personally because we all have our own *kitten*. Some people turn to other people and some run and hide. I can't force anyone to handle anything differently even though it really hurts.
I don't ghost people. I never just disappear and stop answering. Even if the extent of my emotions change for someone I don't try to hide from them because there was probably something good I saw in them that is still there despite me being in a different state of mind. I am friends with almost all of my exes for that reason.Avocado_AS5 wrote: »"I am glad we met. You are a really cool person and I have tried really hard to “get in to it” but I just can’t. I always had good intentions but honestly I’m just not feeling it. I start thinking about being responsible for your feeling s and being tied down and honestly it freaks me out. I’m just not ready for it. I am fine with dating now and then but I think you want more and I don’t want to keep you on a string."
^^^^^^ This was what happened to me in real life yesterday after about a month of seeing each other. First off, he assumed things wrong. I wasnt ready to "tie him down ". After initially feeling hurt and rejected, I appreciated the honesty of it. We may still see each other, we may not. But this approach is way better than ghosting. I'm the same way when I end things. No reason to hurt feelings. Be a grown up. I'm still friends with almost everyone I've ever been involved with.
This intrigues me a little bit that you two are still friends with your exes. Not saying it's a bad thing. But, while most of my relationships ended on a good note. I have only seen most of my exes once after we broke up, and it was in passing. I can't say I'm friends with them, since we don't get together, talk, etc. as if friends. But, aside from one, there isn't animosity.
I know a few others who say they are still friends with their exes. But, given that at the end of my relationships, we've gone our separate ways, it's very rare to stay in contact with them.
Good points...i am also curious about this. I stopped seeing guys cause they were not ok with any sort of relationship i had with my ex-ex husband0 -
mustacheU2Lift wrote: »xFunctionalStrengthx wrote: »I have been ghosted in relationships of all sorts, even platonic female friendships. I try not to take it personally because we all have our own *kitten*. Some people turn to other people and some run and hide. I can't force anyone to handle anything differently even though it really hurts.
I don't ghost people. I never just disappear and stop answering. Even if the extent of my emotions change for someone I don't try to hide from them because there was probably something good I saw in them that is still there despite me being in a different state of mind. I am friends with almost all of my exes for that reason.Avocado_AS5 wrote: »"I am glad we met. You are a really cool person and I have tried really hard to “get in to it” but I just can’t. I always had good intentions but honestly I’m just not feeling it. I start thinking about being responsible for your feeling s and being tied down and honestly it freaks me out. I’m just not ready for it. I am fine with dating now and then but I think you want more and I don’t want to keep you on a string."
^^^^^^ This was what happened to me in real life yesterday after about a month of seeing each other. First off, he assumed things wrong. I wasnt ready to "tie him down ". After initially feeling hurt and rejected, I appreciated the honesty of it. We may still see each other, we may not. But this approach is way better than ghosting. I'm the same way when I end things. No reason to hurt feelings. Be a grown up. I'm still friends with almost everyone I've ever been involved with.
This intrigues me a little bit that you two are still friends with your exes. Not saying it's a bad thing. But, while most of my relationships ended on a good note. I have only seen most of my exes once after we broke up, and it was in passing. I can't say I'm friends with them, since we don't get together, talk, etc. as if friends. But, aside from one, there isn't animosity.
I know a few others who say they are still friends with their exes. But, given that at the end of my relationships, we've gone our separate ways, it's very rare to stay in contact with them.
Good points...i am also curious about this. I stopped seeing guys cause they were not ok with any sort of relationship i had with my ex-ex husband
I don't mind if someone I'm with stays in contact with exes, or has friends of the opposite sex. I have them as well. But, when I was married, my (ex) wife couldn't stand the fact that I had female friends and basically drove them away. yet, it was okay for her to have male friends. Hmmm.....0 -
When I am juggling too many MFP men I just say I am really busy (which is always true) and I stop sending nudes. This also weeds out certain people who clearly aren't interested in my fabulous brain.
How do I get on the list that starts getting them
caco_ethes wrote: »Or not?
Everyone knows mfp is a whirlwind of crushes and micro-romances, oftentimes simultaneously.
THE RETURN2
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