Online Dating
Online dating is really a looks game.I'm overweight for my height and it really gets you down when it comes to dating.
Last few dates I have went on have told me no "chemistry " .In other words you're fat. One I dated for a bit just used me.....
2 dates did not tell me exactly what they did cos they well off but was easy to dechipher what they did.I guess some women went with them for their money.
So I've deleted the apps and want to loose 2 stone before going back.I might just go on a paid one like Match as perhaps people more serious there.
I want to loose the weight for myself but obv I want men to be attracted to me too and not fob me off with some lame excuses.
Last few dates I have went on have told me no "chemistry " .In other words you're fat. One I dated for a bit just used me.....
2 dates did not tell me exactly what they did cos they well off but was easy to dechipher what they did.I guess some women went with them for their money.
So I've deleted the apps and want to loose 2 stone before going back.I might just go on a paid one like Match as perhaps people more serious there.
I want to loose the weight for myself but obv I want men to be attracted to me too and not fob me off with some lame excuses.
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Replies
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Online dating is really a looks game.I'm overweight for my height and it really gets you down when it comes to dating.
Last few dates I have went on have told me no "chemistry " .In other words you're fat. One I dated for a bit just used me.....
2 dates did not tell me exactly what they did cos they well off but was easy to dechipher what they did.I guess some women went with them for their money.
So I've deleted the apps and want to loose 2 stone before going back.I might just go on a paid one like Match as perhaps people more serious there.
I want to loose the weight for myself but obv I want men to be attracted to me too and not fob me off with some lame excuses.
Personally, I could never do online dating. I beleive chemistry and attraction happen organically while you are living life for yourself, not actively seeking a person. So as you work to lose weight and improve your life, you will find other, like-minded people who you get to know. Maybe as you spend more time with them something special comes of it, and finally you call hanging out "dating". That is the way I rolled before marriage and I would never change it.
I spent time with friends, girls and guys, doing things I enjoyed and always had people to go out with. Some of those people turned into a bit more, and that was cool. A very select few really changed things for me. One of them i married 21 years ago today.
That is how I think it should happen.
Your mileage may vary.10 -
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Im overweight and found my hubs online. Its not about weight, its about finding the right person. It took some digging but I found what I was looking for
As long as your honest and not putting outdated pics or something up they should know what they are getting into.5 -
You should join in on The Singles Hangout" thread for some of the discussions on dating apps, and Match. You'll find that they're all about the same.
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4legsRbetterthan2 wrote: »Im overweight and found my hubs online. Its not about weight, its about finding the right person. It took some digging but I found what I was looking for
As long as your honest and not putting outdated pics or something up they should know what they are getting into.
My thoughts exactly, it's just another tool in the toolbox for meeting potential partners. Of course, there is a lot of little deceptions going on, just like any dating situation, but old pic and photo shopping is a real problem. Most studies have found that women tend to misrepresent on weight and men on height and income.
Wonder what response I would get if I wrote in my profile that I was a leprecaun that begged for Lucy Charms...
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Oh god... Dating sites are just awful. Focus on yourself and your goals, but please don't have higher expectations if you decide to give it another go. I've used paid for dating sites in the past and was just as disappointed as you seem to be.1
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Wheelhouse15 wrote: »4legsRbetterthan2 wrote: »Im overweight and found my hubs online. Its not about weight, its about finding the right person. It took some digging but I found what I was looking for
As long as your honest and not putting outdated pics or something up they should know what they are getting into.
My thoughts exactly, it's just another tool in the toolbox for meeting potential partners. Of course, there is a lot of little deceptions going on, just like any dating situation, but old pic and photo shopping is a real problem. Most studies have found that women tend to misrepresent on weight and men on height and income.
Wonder what response I would get if I wrote in my profile that I was a leprecaun that begged for Lucy Charms...
Hey they say there is someone for everyone
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As an online dating queen here, I would say that maybe a good way to make sure you are not wasting your time (or the other person's) on a date with someone who will find excuses afterwards to demonstrate that they were not attracted to you because of your weight (and I am only saying this because you are saying that it happened for two dates in a row, so I am not saying this in a general way), would be to make sure you are posting full-body pictures and photos that show you at random, natural moments rather than photos that show you at your best. I have no idea what your profile looks like so maybe I am just making assumptions, but we all are tempted to put our best pictures up front or avoid full-body shots if we are not proud of our body, but it's best in my opinion to filter out people that won't be attracted right away and to be very upfront - plus, when they see you in real life all prepped up they can only be positively surprised
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It’s not about weight
Online dating sucks in general because some people don’t take it seriously
They use it as a faster way to hook up I guess you could say
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I have lacked chemistry with men I find very attractive, which is really disappointing because chemistry is a requirement for me.
When people talk about weight not being an issue, it's true. I've been on and off a site for longer than I care to admit. During that time, MFP records that I've lost 25 lbs, but it's really closer to 35 because I was too embarrassed to enter my actual highest weight. I didn't get more quality dates after the weight loss and didn't meet a special someone. Losing the weight isn't a magic elixir.
Taking time off is never a bad idea, I have done it regularly to reflect on my experiences.1 -
Thanks for all the replies.
I had hoped for a different outcome when I went back but thanks for putting me straight.:)
Be great to meet someone organically but I do think people go out looking then too.
My friend met her husband playing mixed tag rugby.0 -
Clever_User_Name wrote: »Thanks for all the replies.
I had hoped for a different outcome when I went back but thanks for putting me straight.:)
Be great to meet someone organically but I do think people go out looking then too.
My friend met her husband playing mixed tag rugby.
Scrums do get pretty up close and personal...
You could say that.0 -
I’ve online dated, and it’s a crapshoot. The saying “nobody’s perfect” is definitely proven.
Losing two stone is a good idea, but there are plenty of people out there that will enjoy you for what you are1 -
I think though I will feel happier when loose the weight and that will come across.:)0
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I met my now fiancé on Tinder when I was 61lbs heavier. Just my experience. Not to say I didn't have bad online dating experiences but for me it worked out.0
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I signed up for Ashley Madison, so far the only people that have messaged me want me to sit in a chair in a corner for some reason.3
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Online dating is a total crapshoot. "No chemistry" doent neccesarily mean "too fat".. Now, if you represented yourself in a dishonest way, thats on you.. get used to disapointment. But, assuming you were totally honest, then there are a hundred factors besides looks that could be at work. I have been on more dates than i can count and chemistry has happened like 4 times...its freaking rare (at least for me)...My point is, it's a numbers game..if you are gonna do it...you gotta have persistence and fortitude.1
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I tried the Match thing for 3 months. No dates, but a lot of losers and scammers, and the last one had a criminal record, so I cancelled the date and told him to not contact me. Very scary. Then I cancelled my subscription and deactivated my account. No one needs that level of stress in their life, and pay for it too.
Not from a dating perspective, but I am socializing with groups from Meetups in my area, learning some dance steps, playing board games, going to movies. . . give that a try.1 -
I tried the Match thing for 3 months. No dates, but a lot of losers and scammers, and the last one had a criminal record, so I cancelled the date and told him to not contact me. Very scary. Then I cancelled my subscription and deactivated my account. No one needs that level of stress in their life, and pay for it too.
Not from a dating perspective, but I am socializing with groups from Meetups in my area, learning some dance steps, playing board games, going to movies. . . give that a try.
Meetups are the way to go. Good choice!
How do you find these meet up groups?0 -
If you want to lose weight, do it for yourself not because you think it will get you some man. I have friends that are overweight and do quite well with online dating. If you continue doing online dating, do not go in thinking every date could be your soulmate or "the one" and definitely don't think "no chemistry" means "too fat", more than likely it means just that, no chemistry.0
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@pudgy1977: There's a website (meetups.com???). If that's not it, just google meetup groups and you should be able to find the website listing groups in your area.0
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I found my boyfriend online (8 yrs and going strong) - and trust me online dating isn't for the fainthearted. I'll never do it again, mind you I have made a couple of life long friends. Let's be honest, looks are the first thing people notice online, bars, clubs etc... Join some groups, cooking classes, painting classes, geek group (we go to Comicons together), MFP meet ups etc... you'll find people with common interests which is a much stronger foundation. Best of luck 2
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I tried the Match thing for 3 months. No dates, but a lot of losers and scammers, and the last one had a criminal record, so I cancelled the date and told him to not contact me. Very scary. Then I cancelled my subscription and deactivated my account. No one needs that level of stress in their life, and pay for it too.
Not from a dating perspective, but I am socializing with groups from Meetups in my area, learning some dance steps, playing board games, going to movies. . . give that a try.
Meetups are the way to go. Good choice!
How do you find these meet up groups?
Create a free account on the site Meetup.com, then search your town or surrounding area for things you like to do, and join the group. So many options in my area, I joined some groups and have not had time to attend their events yet!
Some of the groups also have Facebook pages where they post the events also. My dance group is one of them that has both.0 -
Ive tried online dating hasn't worked for me at all girls use me or cant accept my adhd.2
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I don't get the chemistry comments. There's absolutely no way you can determine the mysterious elements of physical attraction from communicating online anyway. Like ChaelAZ said, try to socialize face to face as much as you can. Good things will come from it.
Looking around today I almost wonder how we managed to procreate as a species for so long! 0 -
I tried the Match thing for 3 months. No dates, but a lot of losers and scammers, and the last one had a criminal record, so I cancelled the date and told him to not contact me. Very scary. Then I cancelled my subscription and deactivated my account. No one needs that level of stress in their life, and pay for it too.
Not from a dating perspective, but I am socializing with groups from Meetups in my area, learning some dance steps, playing board games, going to movies. . . give that a try.
Meetups are the way to go. Good choice!
How do you find these meet up groups?
Create a free account on the site Meetup.com, then search your town or surrounding area for things you like to do, and join the group. So many options in my area, I joined some groups and have not had time to attend their events yet!
Some of the groups also have Facebook pages where they post the events also. My dance group is one of them that has both.
Meetups are great, but most aren't really dating opportunities per se but then again, that's the way most people met in the past, find an activity you enjoy then meet potential partners while having fun. No pressure and you'll generally have a great time even if you don't find someone so it's never a waste of time.2 -
I don't get the chemistry comments. There's absolutely no way you can determine the mysterious elements of physical attraction from communicating online anyway. Like ChaelAZ said, try to socialize face to face as much as you can. Good things will come from it.
That was my poorly made point about chemistry. Photos or personality traits that come through in text can be attractive, but then there's a meeting and... just nothing. They might have traits, both physical and personality related, that are really attractive but there's no connection.
Meet ups are a great suggestion, although all in my area are pretty gender specific.0 -
I don't get the chemistry comments. There's absolutely no way you can determine the mysterious elements of physical attraction from communicating online anyway. Like ChaelAZ said, try to socialize face to face as much as you can. Good things will come from it.
That was my poorly made point about chemistry. Photos or personality traits that come through in text can be attractive, but then there's a meeting and... just nothing. They might have traits, both physical and personality related, that are really attractive but there's no connection.
Meet ups are a great suggestion, although all in my area are pretty gender specific.
You might also want to try a singles social group then. They usually have mixers for singles that involve fun, low stress activities such as potlucks and volleyball. I know a few married couples that met through those networks.1 -
Wheelhouse15 wrote: »I don't get the chemistry comments. There's absolutely no way you can determine the mysterious elements of physical attraction from communicating online anyway. Like ChaelAZ said, try to socialize face to face as much as you can. Good things will come from it.
That was my poorly made point about chemistry. Photos or personality traits that come through in text can be attractive, but then there's a meeting and... just nothing. They might have traits, both physical and personality related, that are really attractive but there's no connection.
Meet ups are a great suggestion, although all in my area are pretty gender specific.
You might also want to try a singles social group then. They usually have mixers for singles that involve fun, low stress activities such as potlucks and volleyball. I know a few married couples that met through those networks.
These groups don't always appeal to those of us who aren't really social types. . We want a significant other, but find a big circle of friends to be more trouble than they're worth. And, stepping alone into a group, even a group of like-minded individuals is awkward and uncomfortable. . It's good to do it anyway, to keep from getting too set in one's ways. . but it's still awkward and uncomfortable. .2 -
Even when I was a good weight and nice looking I hardly got any messages on dating sites. I'm not sure why. I never had any luck. I thought of trying again but I'm not sure.0
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