Online Dating
Replies
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Cameron_1969 wrote: »Wheelhouse15 wrote: »I don't get the chemistry comments. There's absolutely no way you can determine the mysterious elements of physical attraction from communicating online anyway. Like ChaelAZ said, try to socialize face to face as much as you can. Good things will come from it.
That was my poorly made point about chemistry. Photos or personality traits that come through in text can be attractive, but then there's a meeting and... just nothing. They might have traits, both physical and personality related, that are really attractive but there's no connection.
Meet ups are a great suggestion, although all in my area are pretty gender specific.
You might also want to try a singles social group then. They usually have mixers for singles that involve fun, low stress activities such as potlucks and volleyball. I know a few married couples that met through those networks.
These groups don't always appeal to those of us who aren't really social types. . We want a significant other, but find a big circle of friends to be more trouble than they're worth. And, stepping alone into a group, even a group of like-minded individuals is awkward and uncomfortable. . It's good to do it anyway, to keep from getting too set in one's ways. . but it's still awkward and uncomfortable. .
It's just one of many options, but if you have social anxiety to the point where it's keeping you from socializing even in low stress situations then it's not going to be easy to meet people but there are ways of coping. If someone finds maintaining friendships more trouble then they are worth then having an intimate relationship probably isn't an ideal situation for those people either since those require a lot of time, effort and compromise.
As you say, it's always good to keep some social activities no matter how you feel about them because being a shut in is probably not a great lifestyle for anyone.3 -
I have a close friend who is probably 150lbs overweight. She went on an online dating site and you wouldn't believe the number of people (men and women) who were hitting her up. She had a picture that clearly showed her weight and was inundated with messages. There are lots of people who prefer bigger women or men. I don't think "no chemistry" means you are too fat. I can't say I can 100% judge chemistry online, but I do know whether or not someone is interesting or can carry on a conversation.
Be yourself and if people don't want to go out with you then who cares? If you are working on weight loss (and I assume you are since you are here) put that in your profile too. That way someone who wants you to stay big doesn't get pissed if you lose weight or someone who is worried about your weight knows you are working on it.
Good points there, I have a friend who lost 200lbs and a few guys wrote up saying they preferred her before pics. She was devastated by those comments, but it does show that there is not universal standards of beauty.2 -
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I tried the Match thing for 3 months. No dates, but a lot of losers and scammers, and the last one had a criminal record, so I cancelled the date and told him to not contact me. Very scary. Then I cancelled my subscription and deactivated my account. No one needs that level of stress in their life, and pay for it too.
Not from a dating perspective, but I am socializing with groups from Meetups in my area, learning some dance steps, playing board games, going to movies. . . give that a try.
Meetups are the way to go. Good choice!
How do you find these meet up groups?
https://www.meetup.com/
There's a ton of things in our area. All depends upon what you want to do.
I've not done anything with it since I don't have time to join a meetup group. Even if it's work related.
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xFunctionalStrengthx wrote: »I tried the Match thing for 3 months. No dates, but a lot of losers and scammers, and the last one had a criminal record, so I cancelled the date and told him to not contact me. Very scary. Then I cancelled my subscription and deactivated my account. No one needs that level of stress in their life, and pay for it too.
Not from a dating perspective, but I am socializing with groups from Meetups in my area, learning some dance steps, playing board games, going to movies. . . give that a try.
Meetups are the way to go. Good choice!
How do you find these meet up groups?
https://www.meetup.com/
There's a ton of things in our area. All depends upon what you want to do.
I've not done anything with it since I don't have time to join a meetup group. Even if it's work related.
Our church always lists our group events from our picnics, hikes, dirt biking, cycling, tennis, game nights, watching sports, clubbing, movies,
casino hopping, restaurant nights, concerts, festivals, fairs, theme park visits, retreats et al on Meetup.com. Oftentimes, we the church members, start preferring the opt-in adults who aren't regulars, who then become regulars. Sometimes people from Los Angeles and OC come down and even those from South and South East SD attend.1 -
I don't get the chemistry comments. There's absolutely no way you can determine the mysterious elements of physical attraction from communicating online anyway. Like ChaelAZ said, try to socialize face to face as much as you can. Good things will come from it.
That was my poorly made point about chemistry. Photos or personality traits that come through in text can be attractive, but then there's a meeting and... just nothing. They might have traits, both physical and personality related, that are really attractive but there's no connection.
Meet ups are a great suggestion, although all in my area are pretty gender specific.
Don't be hard on yourself. I find you well versed in pretty much all that you say.
I'm mainly sound oriented rather than being mainly visually oriented, although I do appreciate the way a person looks. But the way a person sounds is everything to me, in terms of whether I'd want to smooch and snuggle with them or not.
Thank you! Between no profile pic and infrequent/sporatic participation, it never occurred to me that anyone would link my posts together.
Depth/timbre of voice is something I appreciate too. I was so impressed by a waiter I had recently. His voice was extremely deep in pitch and timbre - the kind that you feel as much as you hear.2 -
Cameron_1969 wrote: »Wheelhouse15 wrote: »I don't get the chemistry comments. There's absolutely no way you can determine the mysterious elements of physical attraction from communicating online anyway. Like ChaelAZ said, try to socialize face to face as much as you can. Good things will come from it.
That was my poorly made point about chemistry. Photos or personality traits that come through in text can be attractive, but then there's a meeting and... just nothing. They might have traits, both physical and personality related, that are really attractive but there's no connection.
Meet ups are a great suggestion, although all in my area are pretty gender specific.
You might also want to try a singles social group then. They usually have mixers for singles that involve fun, low stress activities such as potlucks and volleyball. I know a few married couples that met through those networks.
These groups don't always appeal to those of us who aren't really social types. . We want a significant other, but find a big circle of friends to be more trouble than they're worth. And, stepping alone into a group, even a group of like-minded individuals is awkward and uncomfortable. . It's good to do it anyway, to keep from getting too set in one's ways. . but it's still awkward and uncomfortable. .
I agree with this. I've gotten off dating apps and signed up for meet ups but have yet to find the energy or courage to go.1 -
I agree that "chemistry" doesn't necessarily mean weight.
I went out with a very attractive guy and just felt no chemistry.
And online dating is not for the week. There are lots of weirdos out there to weed through.1 -
Yeah, It can be heart wrenching when unfortunately some guys are pathological liars:(
Anywho, I'll give it a go again:)
I am in diff classes but these consist of females only.
Do a bit of running at events but I would not approach anyone with my big red face and the sweat pouring off me0 -
I’ve been doing online dating for a while and like you OP, in the beginning I took rejection really badly, but now I’m fine with it. Not everyone is my cup of tea, and I’m not everyone’s too. That’s normal. If I go to a pub I don’t fancy everyone. It’s the same online. Appearance plays a part, but nothing to do with weight or other factors. Just preference. I prefer bigger guys for instance :-)0
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I've been considering trying Match or something like it.. I've been separated for several months now & feel like I'm ready to start looking for the connection that's been missing from my life for years. I'm not as young as I used to be, and I don't really have the patience or energy for the bar scene.. I've never been particularly outgoing when it comes to meeting women either, so it seems like it might be a less stressful (and less exhausting.. hangovers HURT these days!) way to meet women. Haven't been able to buckle down and pull the trigger yet though.0
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Dating in general is a crapshoot and matters a lot where the people are in life, maturity level, etc.
I used to play an online game called Everquest (the big game before the current World of Warcraft) and I used to chat with some women in game. Got to know a few and would do the cybering thing. One of them I eventually ended up committing too and moved 2300 miles from Michigan to the Seattle area to be with her. I would have married her from the moment I made the commitment to her and myself but she wanted me to be sure I knew what I was in for (depression issues, sleep issues). We were married a year later on the 2 year anniversary of our first real life face to face meeting and this year will be our 14th wedding anniversary.
While we compliment each other well, the reality is that with out age differences (she is 7 years older) and interests, we could have grown up on the same block and I likely never would have met her or if I had, not been a match back then.5 -
@SurfyPantsResurfaced wrote: »Never done the online dating thing and never will. Yes my response will be of no help to you.
You're currently logged in and posting to a dating site my friend1 -
men on datign sites ask me for dirty underwear and to fart on them Q_Q *kitten* that0
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Went back.Did not last long.I am not happy with myself at the mo so not a good idea being on it.Will go back after a break.0
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UncaToddly wrote: »Dating in general is a crapshoot and matters a lot where the people are in life, maturity level, etc.
I used to play an online game called Everquest (the big game before the current World of Warcraft) and I used to chat with some women in game. Got to know a few and would do the cybering thing. One of them I eventually ended up committing too and moved 2300 miles from Michigan to the Seattle area to be with her. I would have married her from the moment I made the commitment to her and myself but she wanted me to be sure I knew what I was in for (depression issues, sleep issues). We were married a year later on the 2 year anniversary of our first real life face to face meeting and this year will be our 14th wedding anniversary.
While we compliment each other well, the reality is that with out age differences (she is 7 years older) and interests, we could have grown up on the same block and I likely never would have met her or if I had, not been a match back then.
I played EQ for a few years, Monk was my main, and that was long before online dating became the norm. It was much harder then because you didn't have the instant messaging and picture exchanges. I remember playing on MUDs a few years before and you had to send pictures through the mail lol. I'm happy to see it worked out for you so well!0 -
JaydedMiss wrote: »men on datign sites ask me for dirty underwear and to fart on them Q_Q *kitten* that
That's a rather interesting dating site, think I'll pass on it.0 -
Wheelhouse15 wrote: »JaydedMiss wrote: »men on datign sites ask me for dirty underwear and to fart on them Q_Q *kitten* that
That's a rather interesting dating site, think I'll pass on it.
not even uncommon. At all. Hell i even once posted trying to buy a vacuum on kijiji and had a guy on 2 different accounts try to ask if id trade sex for one.... like seriously..?0 -
JaydedMiss wrote: »Wheelhouse15 wrote: »JaydedMiss wrote: »men on datign sites ask me for dirty underwear and to fart on them Q_Q *kitten* that
That's a rather interesting dating site, think I'll pass on it.
not even uncommon. At all. Hell i even once posted trying to buy a vacuum on kijiji and had a guy on 2 different accounts try to ask if id trade sex for one.... like seriously..?
A vacuum is worth sex? Was it at least a Dyson?
Then again, I've seen some of the messages that women get here and on IG etc so I'm not particularly surprised just saddened at how pathetic some people are.
Side note, how are things in London these days? Grew up there but have only been back to see my family every few months. The city sure has grown.
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Wheelhouse15 wrote: »JaydedMiss wrote: »Wheelhouse15 wrote: »JaydedMiss wrote: »men on datign sites ask me for dirty underwear and to fart on them Q_Q *kitten* that
That's a rather interesting dating site, think I'll pass on it.
not even uncommon. At all. Hell i even once posted trying to buy a vacuum on kijiji and had a guy on 2 different accounts try to ask if id trade sex for one.... like seriously..?
A vacuum is worth sex? Was it at least a Dyson?
Then again, I've seen some of the messages that women get here and on IG etc so I'm not particularly surprised just saddened at how pathetic some people are.
Side note, how are things in London these days? Grew up there but have only been back to see my family every few months. The city sure has grown.
iv never had anyone on here perv on me, Which is kind of funny since theres actual like less clothed progress pics here XD Maybe a bad sign for my confidence LOL
Its good, Lots of students. Hasnt changed much im sure
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JaydedMiss wrote: »Wheelhouse15 wrote: »JaydedMiss wrote: »Wheelhouse15 wrote: »JaydedMiss wrote: »men on datign sites ask me for dirty underwear and to fart on them Q_Q *kitten* that
That's a rather interesting dating site, think I'll pass on it.
not even uncommon. At all. Hell i even once posted trying to buy a vacuum on kijiji and had a guy on 2 different accounts try to ask if id trade sex for one.... like seriously..?
A vacuum is worth sex? Was it at least a Dyson?
Then again, I've seen some of the messages that women get here and on IG etc so I'm not particularly surprised just saddened at how pathetic some people are.
Side note, how are things in London these days? Grew up there but have only been back to see my family every few months. The city sure has grown.
iv never had anyone on here perv on me, Which is kind of funny since theres actual like less clothed progress pics here XD Maybe a bad sign for my confidence LOL
Its good, Lots of students. Hasnt changed much im sure
Just give me a chance, I’ll perv.1 -
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I gave online dating a go for the first time last year and did receive a lot of attention in spite of my weight, so I don't think weight is a huge factor for me (it depends on the individual though, of course), but I have noticed that finding someone truly compatible is a double-edged sword. The other week, I finally broke up with my boyfriend who I met on there, and who has so much in common with me, it's almost too hard to believe. We see eye-to-eye on so many world issues, have the same interests in music and movies, same sense of humour, similar career goals and experiences, etc. However, as other posters have mentioned, online dating doesn't give a relationship the opportunity to grow organically. So, over time, I started seeing red flags and incompatibilities that are impossible for an online algorithm to pick up on, and perhaps they are things I would have noticed had I hypothetically met him in a more normal setting, like at school, and got to know him on a purely platonic level at the beginning.
On the other hand, online dating does give individuals the chance to meet like-minded people who one would otherwise never have the opportunity to if one leads a busy lifestyle. That's a bonus if you're a total freak. Like me.0 -
I gave online dating a go for the first time last year and did receive a lot of attention in spite of my weight, so I don't think weight is a huge factor for me (it depends on the individual though, of course), but I have noticed that finding someone truly compatible is a double-edged sword. The other week, I finally broke up with my boyfriend who I met on there, and who has so much in common with me, it's almost too hard to believe. We see eye-to-eye on so many world issues, have the same interests in music and movies, same sense of humour, similar career goals and experiences, etc. However, as other posters have mentioned, online dating doesn't give a relationship the opportunity to grow organically. So, over time, I started seeing red flags and incompatibilities that are impossible for an online algorithm to pick up on, and perhaps they are things I would have noticed had I hypothetically met him in a more normal setting, like at school, and got to know him on a purely platonic level at the beginning.
On the other hand, online dating does give individuals the chance to meet like-minded people who one would otherwise never have the opportunity to if one leads a busy lifestyle. That's a bonus if you're a total freak. Like me.
So...did you ever meet him? Online dating is how you meet...but if you became a couple surely you connected in person?0 -
Wheelhouse15 wrote: »JaydedMiss wrote: »Wheelhouse15 wrote: »JaydedMiss wrote: »men on datign sites ask me for dirty underwear and to fart on them Q_Q *kitten* that
That's a rather interesting dating site, think I'll pass on it.
not even uncommon. At all. Hell i even once posted trying to buy a vacuum on kijiji and had a guy on 2 different accounts try to ask if id trade sex for one.... like seriously..?
A vacuum is worth sex? Was it at least a Dyson?
Then again, I've seen some of the messages that women get here and on IG etc so I'm not particularly surprised just saddened at how pathetic some people are.
Side note, how are things in London these days? Grew up there but have only been back to see my family every few months. The city sure has grown.
Wait. MFPers are showing you, a married man, their private love notes?
Not married and comedy/creep material can be interesting, no names were ever revealed.
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JaydedMiss wrote: »Wheelhouse15 wrote: »JaydedMiss wrote: »Wheelhouse15 wrote: »JaydedMiss wrote: »men on datign sites ask me for dirty underwear and to fart on them Q_Q *kitten* that
That's a rather interesting dating site, think I'll pass on it.
not even uncommon. At all. Hell i even once posted trying to buy a vacuum on kijiji and had a guy on 2 different accounts try to ask if id trade sex for one.... like seriously..?
A vacuum is worth sex? Was it at least a Dyson?
Then again, I've seen some of the messages that women get here and on IG etc so I'm not particularly surprised just saddened at how pathetic some people are.
Side note, how are things in London these days? Grew up there but have only been back to see my family every few months. The city sure has grown.
iv never had anyone on here perv on me, Which is kind of funny since theres actual like less clothed progress pics here XD Maybe a bad sign for my confidence LOL
Its good, Lots of students. Hasnt changed much im sure
Yeah, sounds about the same lol.0 -
Okay, I’m new to this... A very, very attractive man (according to his photos) just texted: “u so sexy u should come over.”
So, I should probably just go to his house, right?0 -
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SurfyPantsResurfaced wrote: »@SurfyPantsResurfaced wrote: »Never done the online dating thing and never will. Yes my response will be of no help to you.
You're currently logged in and posting to a dating site my friend
yeah u so sexy you should come over1
This discussion has been closed.
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