Online Dating
Replies
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@pudgy1977: There's a website (meetups.com???). If that's not it, just google meetup groups and you should be able to find the website listing groups in your area.0
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I found my boyfriend online (8 yrs and going strong) - and trust me online dating isn't for the fainthearted. I'll never do it again, mind you I have made a couple of life long friends. Let's be honest, looks are the first thing people notice online, bars, clubs etc... Join some groups, cooking classes, painting classes, geek group (we go to Comicons together), MFP meet ups etc... you'll find people with common interests which is a much stronger foundation. Best of luck
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I tried the Match thing for 3 months. No dates, but a lot of losers and scammers, and the last one had a criminal record, so I cancelled the date and told him to not contact me. Very scary. Then I cancelled my subscription and deactivated my account. No one needs that level of stress in their life, and pay for it too.
Not from a dating perspective, but I am socializing with groups from Meetups in my area, learning some dance steps, playing board games, going to movies. . . give that a try.
Meetups are the way to go. Good choice!
How do you find these meet up groups?
Create a free account on the site Meetup.com, then search your town or surrounding area for things you like to do, and join the group. So many options in my area, I joined some groups and have not had time to attend their events yet!
Some of the groups also have Facebook pages where they post the events also. My dance group is one of them that has both.0 -
Ive tried online dating hasn't worked for me at all girls use me or cant accept my adhd.2
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I don't get the chemistry comments. There's absolutely no way you can determine the mysterious elements of physical attraction from communicating online anyway. Like ChaelAZ said, try to socialize face to face as much as you can. Good things will come from it.
Looking around today I almost wonder how we managed to procreate as a species for so long! 0 -
I tried the Match thing for 3 months. No dates, but a lot of losers and scammers, and the last one had a criminal record, so I cancelled the date and told him to not contact me. Very scary. Then I cancelled my subscription and deactivated my account. No one needs that level of stress in their life, and pay for it too.
Not from a dating perspective, but I am socializing with groups from Meetups in my area, learning some dance steps, playing board games, going to movies. . . give that a try.
Meetups are the way to go. Good choice!
How do you find these meet up groups?
Create a free account on the site Meetup.com, then search your town or surrounding area for things you like to do, and join the group. So many options in my area, I joined some groups and have not had time to attend their events yet!
Some of the groups also have Facebook pages where they post the events also. My dance group is one of them that has both.
Meetups are great, but most aren't really dating opportunities per se but then again, that's the way most people met in the past, find an activity you enjoy then meet potential partners while having fun. No pressure and you'll generally have a great time even if you don't find someone so it's never a waste of time.2 -
I don't get the chemistry comments. There's absolutely no way you can determine the mysterious elements of physical attraction from communicating online anyway. Like ChaelAZ said, try to socialize face to face as much as you can. Good things will come from it.
That was my poorly made point about chemistry. Photos or personality traits that come through in text can be attractive, but then there's a meeting and... just nothing. They might have traits, both physical and personality related, that are really attractive but there's no connection.
Meet ups are a great suggestion, although all in my area are pretty gender specific.0 -
I don't get the chemistry comments. There's absolutely no way you can determine the mysterious elements of physical attraction from communicating online anyway. Like ChaelAZ said, try to socialize face to face as much as you can. Good things will come from it.
That was my poorly made point about chemistry. Photos or personality traits that come through in text can be attractive, but then there's a meeting and... just nothing. They might have traits, both physical and personality related, that are really attractive but there's no connection.
Meet ups are a great suggestion, although all in my area are pretty gender specific.
You might also want to try a singles social group then. They usually have mixers for singles that involve fun, low stress activities such as potlucks and volleyball. I know a few married couples that met through those networks.1 -
Wheelhouse15 wrote: »I don't get the chemistry comments. There's absolutely no way you can determine the mysterious elements of physical attraction from communicating online anyway. Like ChaelAZ said, try to socialize face to face as much as you can. Good things will come from it.
That was my poorly made point about chemistry. Photos or personality traits that come through in text can be attractive, but then there's a meeting and... just nothing. They might have traits, both physical and personality related, that are really attractive but there's no connection.
Meet ups are a great suggestion, although all in my area are pretty gender specific.
You might also want to try a singles social group then. They usually have mixers for singles that involve fun, low stress activities such as potlucks and volleyball. I know a few married couples that met through those networks.
These groups don't always appeal to those of us who aren't really social types. . We want a significant other, but find a big circle of friends to be more trouble than they're worth. And, stepping alone into a group, even a group of like-minded individuals is awkward and uncomfortable. . It's good to do it anyway, to keep from getting too set in one's ways. . but it's still awkward and uncomfortable. .2 -
Even when I was a good weight and nice looking I hardly got any messages on dating sites. I'm not sure why. I never had any luck. I thought of trying again but I'm not sure.0
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Cameron_1969 wrote: »Wheelhouse15 wrote: »I don't get the chemistry comments. There's absolutely no way you can determine the mysterious elements of physical attraction from communicating online anyway. Like ChaelAZ said, try to socialize face to face as much as you can. Good things will come from it.
That was my poorly made point about chemistry. Photos or personality traits that come through in text can be attractive, but then there's a meeting and... just nothing. They might have traits, both physical and personality related, that are really attractive but there's no connection.
Meet ups are a great suggestion, although all in my area are pretty gender specific.
You might also want to try a singles social group then. They usually have mixers for singles that involve fun, low stress activities such as potlucks and volleyball. I know a few married couples that met through those networks.
These groups don't always appeal to those of us who aren't really social types. . We want a significant other, but find a big circle of friends to be more trouble than they're worth. And, stepping alone into a group, even a group of like-minded individuals is awkward and uncomfortable. . It's good to do it anyway, to keep from getting too set in one's ways. . but it's still awkward and uncomfortable. .
It's just one of many options, but if you have social anxiety to the point where it's keeping you from socializing even in low stress situations then it's not going to be easy to meet people but there are ways of coping. If someone finds maintaining friendships more trouble then they are worth then having an intimate relationship probably isn't an ideal situation for those people either since those require a lot of time, effort and compromise.
As you say, it's always good to keep some social activities no matter how you feel about them because being a shut in is probably not a great lifestyle for anyone.3 -
I have a close friend who is probably 150lbs overweight. She went on an online dating site and you wouldn't believe the number of people (men and women) who were hitting her up. She had a picture that clearly showed her weight and was inundated with messages. There are lots of people who prefer bigger women or men. I don't think "no chemistry" means you are too fat. I can't say I can 100% judge chemistry online, but I do know whether or not someone is interesting or can carry on a conversation.
Be yourself and if people don't want to go out with you then who cares? If you are working on weight loss (and I assume you are since you are here) put that in your profile too. That way someone who wants you to stay big doesn't get pissed if you lose weight or someone who is worried about your weight knows you are working on it.
Good points there, I have a friend who lost 200lbs and a few guys wrote up saying they preferred her before pics. She was devastated by those comments, but it does show that there is not universal standards of beauty.2 -
I tried the Match thing for 3 months. No dates, but a lot of losers and scammers, and the last one had a criminal record, so I cancelled the date and told him to not contact me. Very scary. Then I cancelled my subscription and deactivated my account. No one needs that level of stress in their life, and pay for it too.
Not from a dating perspective, but I am socializing with groups from Meetups in my area, learning some dance steps, playing board games, going to movies. . . give that a try.
Meetups are the way to go. Good choice!
How do you find these meet up groups?
https://www.meetup.com/
There's a ton of things in our area. All depends upon what you want to do.
I've not done anything with it since I don't have time to join a meetup group. Even if it's work related.
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xFunctionalStrengthx wrote: »I tried the Match thing for 3 months. No dates, but a lot of losers and scammers, and the last one had a criminal record, so I cancelled the date and told him to not contact me. Very scary. Then I cancelled my subscription and deactivated my account. No one needs that level of stress in their life, and pay for it too.
Not from a dating perspective, but I am socializing with groups from Meetups in my area, learning some dance steps, playing board games, going to movies. . . give that a try.
Meetups are the way to go. Good choice!
How do you find these meet up groups?
https://www.meetup.com/
There's a ton of things in our area. All depends upon what you want to do.
I've not done anything with it since I don't have time to join a meetup group. Even if it's work related.
Our church always lists our group events from our picnics, hikes, dirt biking, cycling, tennis, game nights, watching sports, clubbing, movies,
casino hopping, restaurant nights, concerts, festivals, fairs, theme park visits, retreats et al on Meetup.com. Oftentimes, we the church members, start preferring the opt-in adults who aren't regulars, who then become regulars. Sometimes people from Los Angeles and OC come down and even those from South and South East SD attend.1 -
I don't get the chemistry comments. There's absolutely no way you can determine the mysterious elements of physical attraction from communicating online anyway. Like ChaelAZ said, try to socialize face to face as much as you can. Good things will come from it.
That was my poorly made point about chemistry. Photos or personality traits that come through in text can be attractive, but then there's a meeting and... just nothing. They might have traits, both physical and personality related, that are really attractive but there's no connection.
Meet ups are a great suggestion, although all in my area are pretty gender specific.
Don't be hard on yourself. I find you well versed in pretty much all that you say.
I'm mainly sound oriented rather than being mainly visually oriented, although I do appreciate the way a person looks. But the way a person sounds is everything to me, in terms of whether I'd want to smooch and snuggle with them or not.
Thank you! Between no profile pic and infrequent/sporatic participation, it never occurred to me that anyone would link my posts together.
Depth/timbre of voice is something I appreciate too. I was so impressed by a waiter I had recently. His voice was extremely deep in pitch and timbre - the kind that you feel as much as you hear.2 -
Cameron_1969 wrote: »Wheelhouse15 wrote: »I don't get the chemistry comments. There's absolutely no way you can determine the mysterious elements of physical attraction from communicating online anyway. Like ChaelAZ said, try to socialize face to face as much as you can. Good things will come from it.
That was my poorly made point about chemistry. Photos or personality traits that come through in text can be attractive, but then there's a meeting and... just nothing. They might have traits, both physical and personality related, that are really attractive but there's no connection.
Meet ups are a great suggestion, although all in my area are pretty gender specific.
You might also want to try a singles social group then. They usually have mixers for singles that involve fun, low stress activities such as potlucks and volleyball. I know a few married couples that met through those networks.
These groups don't always appeal to those of us who aren't really social types. . We want a significant other, but find a big circle of friends to be more trouble than they're worth. And, stepping alone into a group, even a group of like-minded individuals is awkward and uncomfortable. . It's good to do it anyway, to keep from getting too set in one's ways. . but it's still awkward and uncomfortable. .
I agree with this. I've gotten off dating apps and signed up for meet ups but have yet to find the energy or courage to go.1 -
I agree that "chemistry" doesn't necessarily mean weight.
I went out with a very attractive guy and just felt no chemistry.
And online dating is not for the week. There are lots of weirdos out there to weed through.1 -
Yeah, It can be heart wrenching when unfortunately some guys are pathological liars:(
Anywho, I'll give it a go again:)
I am in diff classes but these consist of females only.
Do a bit of running at events but I would not approach anyone with my big red face and the sweat pouring off me0 -
I’ve been doing online dating for a while and like you OP, in the beginning I took rejection really badly, but now I’m fine with it. Not everyone is my cup of tea, and I’m not everyone’s too. That’s normal. If I go to a pub I don’t fancy everyone. It’s the same online. Appearance plays a part, but nothing to do with weight or other factors. Just preference. I prefer bigger guys for instance :-)0
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