Boyfriend frustrations!

tanyalevan

Hello,

I am not trying to talk down about my boyfriend but I am just getting to the point where I have had enough. He is in no way motivated to do anything healthy or active with his life. Asking him to go for a walk is like mission impossible. I understand that I cant make him do what he doesnt want to do but having to hear him complain about his appearance is a little tiring when he doesnt want to do anything active for it.
Its like he goes to work then when work finishes its just time to relax watch tv and play games ONLY...I keep trying in a non pushy way to ask him to do things with me but he says Okay and then never does it... And gets annoyed if i ask again.
Am I really that bad of a person?
I hate that I feel like I am being pushy but I know i could be way worse if I wanted to be.

Does anyone else have a similar situation?

Should I just let it go?

taunto

So the main I'm getting out of this is that you know you're pushy and pushing him and the only thing holding you from annoying the living crap out of a guy who doesn't want to workout with you is the knowledge that you can annoy him even more?

You want advice? Go for the full blowout annoying him and see whats the breaking point when he dumps you?

tanyalevan

No I am saying I am not being pushy enough cos I don't want to annoy him...The way I am trying is by sending a text saying "Hey wanna go for a walk this sunday at the park" He replies with "Okay" ....then comes sunday lets go!...He is gonna watch tv instead.

Then If I ask him about the text and get ready he thinks I am attacking him...He says things like I just want to relax then I go on my own.

whierd

Then leave him be.

Any other questions?

taso42

he sounds like a great catch

qtgonewild

video games. pfff great catch there.

taunto

Heres my problem with these types of threads. There is only 1 side of the story. From the sounds of it, you're a control freak who thinks that her boyfriend should get into fitness even though he doesn't want to (sure he says he do but unless he wants to, he ain't gonna do squat).

But you're saying that you're pushing him because he's a kid and you're trying to fulfill the mom role. But wheres his side of the story? Is his story along the lines of "Hey, I get 1 day out of the week to chill and I wanna chill".

And heres the catch. He's out of shape and you're pushing him. If YOU were out of shape and he was pushing you, you would probably go all "oh he only liked me for my body and now that I'm fat, he wants me to change".

Leave the man be or just leave the man.

Candi_land

You can't force someone to do something. Nagging him too death will get you nowhere but quickly on your way to a single status.

Drop it and leave him alone. If/when he's ready to do something about being unhappy with his appearance he'll do it.

jcreazy

I was in a relationship like this once, I was the guy that was lazy and never wanted to do anything. We broke up and we were both happier after. I loved her but we just weren't on the same page.

tanyalevan

Okay I am coming across a lot different to what I am.
I am asking for help cos i want to help him not me. He works 9 - 5 mon - fri like a lot of people on here do.
But I will let it go if he complains about his weight or size I am just gonna shrug it off...he is eating junk food for lunch everyday decreasing his life span and time togethor I will just shrug it off cos I dont want to be that "nagging girlfriend" since diabetes runs in his family its okay Ill just shrug it off.

bunbunzee44

unfortunately, you can't force him. if he's not motivated, nothing will happen. it IS pretty common to complain about your own body and not do anything about it. and a few walks here and there are not going to help much. just give him his time and space, he will have to decide on his own.

dakotababy

Okay I am coming across a lot different to what I am.
I am asking for help cos i want to help him not me. He works 9 - 5 mon - fri like a lot of people on here do.
But I will let it go if he complains about his weight or size I am just gonna shrug it off...he is eating junk food for lunch everyday decreasing his life span and time togethor I will just shrug it off cos I dont want to be that "nagging girlfriend" since diabetes runs in his family its okay Ill just shrug it off.

I think everyone is trying to say...you can help him by leaving him alone! You can express your concerns to him, but you ARE NOT his mommy. He is a big boy right? Let him make his own decisions. If he wants to go for a walk, he can offer to come with you...you do not need to get on him about it.

taunto

Okay I am coming across a lot different to what I am.
I am asking for help cos i want to help him not me. He works 9 - 5 mon - fri like a lot of people on here do.
But I will let it go if he complains about his weight or size I am just gonna shrug it off...he is eating junk food for lunch everyday decreasing his life span and time togethor I will just shrug it off cos I dont want to be that "nagging girlfriend" since diabetes runs in his family its okay Ill just shrug it off.

Glad you realized that you're not his mommy. Only took you a few posts. Kudos to you on learning to leave a grown man to his own decisions rather than manipulating or nagging him.

The only decision in his life you need to be making is if you want to continue being in it. You always have the choice to leave him if you think he's going down a road that you go with him on.

MikeBenWilliams

Just do your thing. The more he sees how being healthy and active positively impacts your life, he'll come around.

michellekicks

When did you start getting healthy and active?

So because you decided you're ready, he should?

I promise you will face way bigger trials in this life as partners; if this one is giving you trouble, you should just break up now. Wait until one of you has cancer, or becomes a paraplegic, or you have a disabled baby, or you both lose your jobs at the same time... then your complaint about his not wanting to exercise with you will seem... what's the word? Ridiculous.

T_ThomasXOXO

Just do your thing. The more he sees how being healthy and active positively impacts your life, he'll come around.

Agree. Lead by example.

tanyalevan

When did you start getting healthy and active?

So because you decided you're ready, he should?

I promise you will face way bigger trials in this life as partners; if this one is giving you trouble, you should just break up now. Wait until one of you has cancer, or becomes a paraplegic, or you have a disabled baby, or you both lose your jobs at the same time... then your complaint about his not wanting to exercise with you will seem... what's the word? Ridiculous.

We all have problems. I am posting in the support board for support. You have no idea what I have been through in my life or let a lone the last month so who are you to judge based on a topic a posted?

tanyalevan

Just do your thing. The more he sees how being healthy and active positively impacts your life, he'll come around.

Its been about 5 months now but I can keep going thanks for the idea!

justwanderful

Long term, he's not going to change. And if he does, he'll only get worse.
The longer you stay with him the more you'll resent him.
Get yourself a new boyfriend. One that has traits and goals more in line with yours.

jaz050465

The issue to me seems that if he's just watching TV or playing video games, is he having quality time with YOU. If he is at other times then I'd just accept that you need to let it go. If he isn't- then why are you still with him?

michellekicks

When did you start getting healthy and active?

So because you decided you're ready, he should?

I promise you will face way bigger trials in this life as partners; if this one is giving you trouble, you should just break up now. Wait until one of you has cancer, or becomes a paraplegic, or you have a disabled baby, or you both lose your jobs at the same time... then your complaint about his not wanting to exercise with you will seem... what's the word? Ridiculous.

We all have problems. I am posting in the support board for support. You have no idea what I have been through in my life or let a lone the last month so who are you to judge based on a topic a posted?

Support for what? Making him go for a walk with you? You can't. We can't. No one can but him... if he doesn't want to go for a walk with you, don't worry about it. You do you; let him do him. It doesn't matter what you've been through in your life. You will go through more. Whether or not your boyfriend/partner/husband will ever join you for a walk is not so big.

jenanigans_from_space

If he's a hardcore gamer, why not use his gaming personality as a motivator instead of getting annoyed at it? I get a weekly (or so) email from subscribing to NerdFitness; the site might be selling something, but not so far as I can tell except to promote paleo and how to make exercise and eating right more like an MMORPG for real life. They have forums and what-not, I haven't looked deeply into it, but the emails are a good read for beginners.

Otherwise, like other people have said, drop back from reminding him and trying to push him; just keep doing your thing, be an inspiration rather than a naggy mum, and if he doesn't come around he'll at least realise the very real chance of losing you to someone who wants to lead a healthier and happier life. That might be motivation enough.

Good luck!

taunto

When did you start getting healthy and active?

So because you decided you're ready, he should?

I promise you will face way bigger trials in this life as partners; if this one is giving you trouble, you should just break up now. Wait until one of you has cancer, or becomes a paraplegic, or you have a disabled baby, or you both lose your jobs at the same time... then your complaint about his not wanting to exercise with you will seem... what's the word? Ridiculous.

We all have problems. I am posting in the support board for support. You have no idea what I have been through in my life or let a lone the last month so who are you to judge based on a topic a posted?

so you want us to support you by telling you to keep nagging your boyfriend?

Also, and I'm trying to be very polite about this... but nobody cares about what you've been through in life. Everybody has baggage. You opened the topic and got feedback. Just not the one you were hoping for.

Bring in your boyfriend and lets hear his side of the story!

tanyalevan

When did you start getting healthy and active?

So because you decided you're ready, he should?

I promise you will face way bigger trials in this life as partners; if this one is giving you trouble, you should just break up now. Wait until one of you has cancer, or becomes a paraplegic, or you have a disabled baby, or you both lose your jobs at the same time... then your complaint about his not wanting to exercise with you will seem... what's the word? Ridiculous.

We all have problems. I am posting in the support board for support. You have no idea what I have been through in my life or let a lone the last month so who are you to judge based on a topic a posted?

Support for what? Making him go for a walk with you? You can't. We can't. No one can but him... if he doesn't want to go for a walk with you, don't worry about it. You do you; let him do him. It doesn't matter what you've been through in your life. You will go through more. Whether or not your boyfriend/partner/husband will ever join you for a walk is not so big.

You are reading too much into one thing I mentioned...the walk was an example. when you have been with someone for almost 5 years who you love so much of course you are going to want to TRY and help them. Almost everyone here has said to just leave him...I pray to god that nothing happens to his health.

tanyalevan

When did you start getting healthy and active?

So because you decided you're ready, he should?

I promise you will face way bigger trials in this life as partners; if this one is giving you trouble, you should just break up now. Wait until one of you has cancer, or becomes a paraplegic, or you have a disabled baby, or you both lose your jobs at the same time... then your complaint about his not wanting to exercise with you will seem... what's the word? Ridiculous.

We all have problems. I am posting in the support board for support. You have no idea what I have been through in my life or let a lone the last month so who are you to judge based on a topic a posted?

so you want us to support you by telling you to keep nagging your boyfriend?

Also, and I'm trying to be very polite about this... but nobody cares about what you've been through in life. Everybody has baggage. You opened the topic and got feedback. Just not the one you were hoping for.

Bring in your boyfriend and lets hear his side of the story!

I never mentioned what i was going through in life so no need to care...I got feedback but also got the title of worst girlfriend for just wanting to help. Damned if I do damned if I don't.

Achrya

video games. pfff great catch there.

I'd take the guy who plays video games over someone who judges someone for playing video games any day of the week. But then my husband and I play everyday. We're goofing our way through Dragon's Crown right now.

OP leave that man the hell alone. Either accept him as you found him or find someone else; he is under no obligation to change just because you choose to change. who he was used to be good enough and its not his fault it isn't anymore because you're the one changing the status quo.

michellekicks

When did you start getting healthy and active?

So because you decided you're ready, he should?

I promise you will face way bigger trials in this life as partners; if this one is giving you trouble, you should just break up now. Wait until one of you has cancer, or becomes a paraplegic, or you have a disabled baby, or you both lose your jobs at the same time... then your complaint about his not wanting to exercise with you will seem... what's the word? Ridiculous.

We all have problems. I am posting in the support board for support. You have no idea what I have been through in my life or let a lone the last month so who are you to judge based on a topic a posted?

Support for what? Making him go for a walk with you? You can't. We can't. No one can but him... if he doesn't want to go for a walk with you, don't worry about it. You do you; let him do him. It doesn't matter what you've been through in your life. You will go through more. Whether or not your boyfriend/partner/husband will ever join you for a walk is not so big.

You are reading too much into one thing I mentioned...the walk was an example. when you have been with someone for almost 5 years who you love so much of course you are going to want to TRY and help them. Almost everyone here has said to just leave him...I pray to god that nothing happens to his health.

Listen, I'm not trying to offend you. I can see you're on edge about this. I assume (hope?) your boyfriends is (nearly) as young as you are. So if that's true, his health will be okay. You guys are barely cracking a dent in your adult years. It's not like heart disease is imminent here because he's sedentary. But the point I was trying to make earlier, is that even if it is... even if his health is failing... there's nothing you can do to change his readiness.

I see you've lost 7kg. That's awesome! When did you start? How long between when you first thought about it or tried to lose a few pounds or when you considered increasing your activity until now? Fitness is something we get into at our own pace. We cannot force anyone into our mold. In fact, if you try, it will probably have the opposite effect. If someone had consistently nagged you to get off your butt before you started this "journey" how would you have felt? Judged? Annoyed?

You asked for some advice and I'm giving mine. But it's late; so I'm done here.

All the best to you. I, too, will pray for your boyfriends health this evening.

drop_it_like_a_squat

I am asking for help cos i want to help him not me.

He obviously doesn't want you to help him. Just let him be & MAYBE one day he will decide to change. But that's totally up to him & you should accept & respect that.

tanyalevan

video games. pfff great catch there.

I'd take the guy who plays video games over someone who judges someone for playing video games any day of the week. But then my husband and I play everyday. We're goofing our way through Dragon's Crown right now.

OP leave that man the hell alone. Either accept him as you found him or find someone else; he is under no obligation to change just because you choose to change. who he was used to be good enough and its not his fault it isn't anymore because you're the one changing the status quo.

just so you know we both love video games and play them together..a lot...so there is no way I am "judging him" haha.

jr235

Sounds like one of these relationships where one person decides "you must do everything with me and we must spend every moment of every day together". My best friend is like this. I haven't had an actual conversation with her since she started dating her husband. Sigh.

tanyalevan

Okay let me just make theis clear. The whole thing is that I don't nag him I am scared to. If i ask him if he would like to join me for say a walk he does say okay but when it comes time to walk he doesn't want to anymore. I don't control him I don't make him do things I simply ask and if he says yes then says no its just frustrating. I came on here to find some advice to help us out.

Again I do NOT control him at all in fact we have a great equal relationship this is just one part that i am finding a little frustrating.

Sue me for trying to help the man I love but I am not leaving him over something like this that is just ridiculous.