Boyfriend frustrations!
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Just break up0
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"having to hear him complain about his appearance is a little tiring when he doesnt want to do anything active for it."
You are not nagging. He opened the door by complaining. Once he complained, there is no problem with active discussion about how to fix the complaint. Not fair for one person to make a complaint and the other has to sit their with their mouth shut. I would be jumping all over my partner if they made a complaint about appearance then feigned stupidity about diet/exercise.0 -
I have been working out for the last year and occasionally suggesting to my husband that he walk with me or whatever. I go to a personal trainer and my fitness level has hugely improved. He now wants to keep up with me. He has been seeing a trainer for the past few months and is getting healthier and fitter - but he did it in his own time. Just be a good example for him.0
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My SO works on his feet all day. I work in an office. I don't expect him to come along with me for fitness type things. He also likes to sit down and watch tv or play xbox after work, but he works long hours, and makes way more money than I do. After working 7am until 6pm, he deserves to veg out for the 3 or 4 hours he has free in the evening. You need to keep yourself motivated. Besides, walks are boring. Does he have a sport he likes? Mine likes to frisbee golf, so I tag along with him for that sometimes. Some people just aren't into exercise. If fitness is a big part of your life and really important to you, maybe he's not the one.0
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You can't force someone to do something. Nagging him too death will get you nowhere but quickly on your way to a single status.
Drop it and leave him alone. If/when he's ready to do something about being unhappy with his appearance he'll do it.
This. You get single really quick pulling this sht. Trust me.0 -
The key statement you made in this entire dialogue is "boyfriend". Thankfully you are not married. You are right to think about his health and spending time together but you also have to realize what makes you happy and if spending time is important than perhaps boyfriend is as far as this relationship should go. Although you are not married, maybe some couples counseling with help you resolve this controversial conflict and if not, it is time to find a new "boyfriend" who make be a future life time companion. Just remember this new boyfriend will have quirks to but the important thing is are those quirks you can live with. The same sounds true for the couch potato, could you live with that and someday (if he don't change) seeing him become morbidly obese and being reduced to a large amount of medication and health care concerns to keep him going?0
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You guys are not reading her statements. The key in the statement is he wants to veg out on the couch and video game console and spend very little us time. This is doomed to be an ex-relationship unless he wakes up. It is not about pushing him to go for walks or whatever, it is about trust and time together. He is making promises and not keeping them and not putting in the relationship.You can't force someone to do something. Nagging him too death will get you nowhere but quickly on your way to a single status.
Drop it and leave him alone. If/when he's ready to do something about being unhappy with his appearance he'll do it.
This. You get single really quick pulling this sht. Trust me.0 -
You are beginning to think like me :flowerforyou:If you BF and his attitute remain the same do you think your BF makes you happy? Do you see yourself being with him in 5 years?
If the answer to both of these questions is yes then stay happy in your relationship and accept that your interests lie in different areas and therefore can't enjoy every interest together as a couple (this is a good thing!!)
If the answer to both these questions is no then it's time to split up.
If the answer to both these questions is yes but only if he...or yes if we had...or yes if anything then it's also time to split up.
Hopw that helps!
Exxx0 -
Tough one. You got to decide what's important for you. You won't find the perfect man who is everything you want... it doesn't exist. And I'd say a big majority of people in this country would rather play video games or watch tv than being active (and I'm not judging... I love video games and tv shows too and I'm a nerd).
Does he make you happy? Do you have fun together? That's what really matters. Now, if he's obese and gorging himself all day, and really doesn't care, I would consider leaving him too, just because you're not on the same page anymore when it comes to health, and that is important, but as long as he's 'healthy enough' I'd just let it go. But if that's the only thing wrong in your relationship, you're still pretty lucky.0 -
Not knowing what his job is, does he get exercise at work? Years ago, I'd run 6 miles daily and then go to the spa. Trying to get my boyfriend to exercise, he said he walks at least two miles during the day, most of them carrying heavy equipment/tools. He was not out of shape, but I still worried. I left him alone. We are now married, he left that type of work years ago & eventually started exercising on his own & has been running for the past 20 years.
It is understandable that you want him healthy, but it is his decision. He may come around on his own, and he may not. Continue with your own health program and hope that it encourages him, but don't nag him. It'll probably make him less likely to do it.
Good luck.0 -
Leave him alone.
I would rather a man who is loyal, loving and plays video games than a sly dog who is out at he pub with his 'mates' every other night.0 -
you can work on cardio other ways....0
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Here's how this should have gone.
text- I'm walking sunday- do you want to come with me?
he says "okay"
sunday- honey- I'm going for a walk in 5 mintues- if you'dl ike to come with me you're welcome to.
<get shoes and things together>
5 minutes
leave.
if he comes- he comes- if not. don't worry about it.
I work out at a gym constantly- my BF has no interest in going- I have tried to ask- and I make it open to him but I just go on my own- he's finally making some changes for himself in the way that he wants too- and that's totally his business. So fine- I'm happy he lost some weight and is starting to want to not be a soft ball of mushy dough. it's gross. But it's his business not mine.0 -
If it was me I would leave him alone even though it is annoying the hell out of you how he is complaining about his appearance all the time but if you leave it alone long enough he will see how dam good you are looking by going for walks etc and getting fit then he will get off his *kitten* and doing something about his own health.
Just keep strong and keep yourself on track with your own health as if you don't you could end up stressed out and sick from it0 -
Okay I am coming across a lot different to what I am.
I am asking for help cos i want to help him not me. He works 9 - 5 mon - fri like a lot of people on here do.
But I will let it go if he complains about his weight or size I am just gonna shrug it off...he is eating junk food for lunch everyday decreasing his life span and time togethor I will just shrug it off cos I dont want to be that "nagging girlfriend" since diabetes runs in his family its okay Ill just shrug it off.
If he hasn't asked for help, you don't need to help him, that is so patronizing. Leave him alone.0 -
"I don't want to speak poorly of my boyfriend, but he's a fat, lazy slob. How can I get him to do something he doesn't want to do, since, you know, I'm his mother, and it's my job to make him do things whether he wants to or not?"
Great. It had been a while since I'd seen one of these threads. I was beginning to think everyone had magically grown up.0 -
I agree with those that say you got a lot of unnecessary negtive feedback from your original post which was undeserved. You are just trying to help when he's mentioned he's not happy with how he looks. So you have to walk that fine line between being supportive and nagging. My suggestion is to leave it alone until the next time he complains about his weight and have a calm discussion about, well I'm going to go do X,Y,Z this week. Do you want me to let you know when I'm headed out so you can join? Also you may try just straight up asking, "Hey, I feel like I'm nagging you and don't mean to, would you prefer for me to leave you alone about it?"
Hope it helps!
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Leave him alone.
Live your lifestyle.
If he complains about his weight and his look, tell him to do something about it.
Men don't like to be fixed, men like to be fixers. When he complains he doesn't want you to give him a solution, he just wants to complain. Next time he complains ask him what he did to fix it, if he says nothing, tell him that if he wants to fix it he can come to you, and if he "doesn't you don't want to hear about it.
For example, my husband says "I feel have a headache" I say "what did you take?" he says "nothing" and I say "well, go do something about it and if you still have a headache in an hour then come see me."
He's a grown *kitten* man.0 -
You can't force someone to do something. Nagging him too death will get you nowhere but quickly on your way to a single status.
Drop it and leave him alone. If/when he's ready to do something about being unhappy with his appearance he'll do it.
This. You get single really quick pulling this sht. Trust me.
Maybe she'd be better off without him.0 -
Don't let all the mean posters here discourage you. I would keep up with your fitness, don't bug him about it. Even if he really needs to get healthy but won't do it, its his choice and no one else. If he cares about you and realizes that being active is important to you and he's missing out on opportunities to spend time with you, he may come around and be part of it too. Or he might just let it be your thing only. If its the latter, you may realize that its more important to you to be with someone with likeminded interests and maybe the relationship wasn't meant to be.0
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What kinds of things do the two of you do TOGETHER that are fun and rewarding and remind you you're so lucky to have him in your life?
Nothing? Then dump him!
Lots, but nothing diet- and fitness-related? Then go this road on your own, enjoy the relationship with him, and let him find his own way to healthier living.0 -
The fact that he's your boyfriend is a good thing... If he doesn't want the lifestyle you want, either you accept that or you move on. Things that frustrate you now, will REALLY frustrate you if you stay with him long term or marry him.
That said, I'm married to a man who is less of an exercise freak than I am. It used to bother me, but I can't make him do anything. So... I just did my thing. After 24 years of marriage, he is working out more now than he ever did before. He does what he wants to do when he wants. Funny thing is, we exercise together at least two times per week now. I think that by leaving him alone, he may have recognized the need for more exercise, and my dedication to regular exercise served as a role model for him.
Life is too short for you to let something like this frustrate you, so if you want to stay with him, you need to let this go:-)0 -
Why is the OP getting so much grief here???
When my mother gave up smoking, my dad gave up too, to support her and to give her the best possible chance at succeeding.
I can't have coke in the house because I just get hooked on the stuff. My OH would never bring any home and guzzle it in front of me only because he doesn't have a problem with it, because he loves me and wants me to do well. When I asked him if he'd come for a bike ride with me, he had work to do, but he did come out with me because he wanted to help me get back into the swing of exercising. Surely that's what you do when you love someone.
She's not exactly asking for much, but just to go for a walk???0 -
Don't let all the mean posters here discourage you. I would keep up with your fitness, don't bug him about it. Even if he really needs to get healthy but won't do it, its his choice and no one else. If he cares about you and realizes that being active is important to you and he's missing out on opportunities to spend time with you, he may come around and be part of it too. Or he might just let it be your thing only. If its the latter, you may realize that its more important to you to be with someone with likeminded interests and maybe the relationship wasn't meant to be.
THAT!0 -
The only person you have control over is you. Keep doing what your doing. Hopefully he'll come around.
Leave him be. He'll do something if/when he is ever ready to do so and you mentioning activities to him in whatever shape or form only frustrates him and only serves to emphasize the issue(s) further that he isn't where he wants to be.
If he starts to grumble about being out of shape or not liking where he is physically, then tell him if he wants that to change, it's up to him to do something about it, you're tired of hearing him grumble about it and not doing anything about it.
My husband waited 8 months after I started doing MFP to start doing it too and then started working out. Sometimes they just want to see that you're committed to the process or that you're having success at it before they'll jump on board.0 -
Sounds exactly like my EX-husband.....any questions? A leopard will rarely change his spots, but as women we seem to have to try. Save yourself the time and frustration. Do what you enjoy WITHOUT him. Stop asking, don't tell him what you're doing or where you're going Maybe that will be the catalyst he needs to get off his @$$ to spend quality time with you.0
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You can't change anyone but yourself. Don't nag, don't push. Put an effort into being nice, even when you don't really feel like it. Give him a compliment every day. Tell him he looks nice or you like that particular shirt on him. Tell him you appreciate how hard he works or that he filled up your car. Thank him for picking up some groceries, or whenever he is doing something around the house. (Even when you are telling yourself that you don't get a 'thank you' for all the things you do). Smile, show affection, a hug, a kiss. If you are worried about his eating habits, you could cook healthy meals and try to involve him, ask him to help you chop up some veggies or put some chicken on the bbq. You could prepare and pack his lunch sometimes, or put a healthier snack in his work bag.
When he feels appreciated and feels good around you, he is much more likely to say "Hey, you know what, I'll join you" when you say you're going out for a walk. When you are nice, he is much more likely to respond to you in a nice way. Just think about this: when you are sitting on the couch in a really bad mood with a pout on your face, how likely is it that he'll approach you with a smile and a kiss?
Stop worrying about the things you can't change, do something about the things you CAN change -> you and your own behavior.0 -
sounds like he doesn't want to do it. Maybe leave him alone and if that doesn't work for you, leave.0
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It seems to me that you decided to get into fitness and internally you're nervous about sticking with it if you don't have immediate support from the person you spend the most time with. Instead of putting so much focus on your boyfriend you need to get right with yourself and get super comfortable doing things without him/without offering to include him first. It's clear he's not interested in engaging in these kinds of activities at this point. Sometimes doing things for yourself and letting others view the progress is enough to spark interest. I think a lot of the people in the thread think you're more interested in forcing him to do what you want rather than accepting him for who he is. I understand you came here for support but you're only laying out your side of this for us and you can't be surprised at people disagreeing with you. We don't know what kind of job he has, the stress involved, or any other factor that can make him sit down on a Sunday and check out. What I'm getting at is: He isn't you. Deal with it.
Maybe you do accept him, maybe your heart IS in the right place because wanting someone to get healthy is a good idea, but you should know as well as anyone it has to be on that person's timeline. How long did it take you to get serious? Think about it.
Finally, pulling the victimized card in the thread isn't helping you either. "Damned if I do, damned if I don't." is a ridiculous ploy to villainize the people who didn't tell you what you wanted to hear. I don't think anyone here is trying to pass judgment on your life, because frankly, why would they? We don't know you. But the things that are blatantly obvious are the insecurities you have with this particular relationship and the fact that constructive criticism is not something you're able to swallow yet.
Good luck.0 -
Leave the man be or just leave the man.
So much this. You don't get to choose when/if he decides to exercise/become healthier. He obviously doesn't want to. It's either ok with you or it's not.. but pushing him isn't helpful.0
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