Boyfriend frustrations!

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  • jamesha100
    jamesha100 Posts: 214 Member
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    Hi,

    Just wanted to say that I think you are great for caring about your partners health and do not deserve the negative reactions you have received.

    Your boyfriend may be scared to commit to changing his lifestyle and it is good that you are aware that constant nagging is unlikely to get him to do so.

    Maybe you need to find some form of activity that he would really enjoy. As a gamer paint balling may be a good choice - it is a real adrenaline rush and can be quite a good workout. This would get you both outdoors doing stuff and he may realize he enjoys being outside and active with you.

    Other activities that might appeal could be canoeing, mountain biking and so on. This would make exercise fun rather than a chore.

    Other than that just let him see that losing weight and getting fit is making you happy. If he is not completely insensitive he should think about this change in you and think maybe he wants a piece of the action.

    Good luck!
  • BonnieandClyde29
    BonnieandClyde29 Posts: 1,026 Member
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    I wouldn't push it, OBVIOUSLY you can't help someone that doesn't want to help themselves, but when my husband started asking me when I was going to start working out again, or saying it in a more delicate manner either way I was offended, defensive, and majorly stubborn thinking he just thinks I'm getting fat and just wants me to be a hot trophy wife, so I stopped doing anything and just maintaining my weight. I'm loosing more weight now, and he doesn't say anything unless its supportive and if I bring it up. Some people are just like that myself included.

    That is one other thing though, we started walking on the beach every other morning, or doing things we wanted to do to make it more fun, not just a regular workout. I would try something he might like, or do something on his day off and see if that will start something
  • JustJoshinnn
    JustJoshinnn Posts: 2 Member
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    The more you get fit and lose weight, he'll notice it.. HE will want to get involved because he'll see that you're looking great and other guys are going to want to steal you away from him.


    Let that be the motivator.
  • BonnieandClyde29
    BonnieandClyde29 Posts: 1,026 Member
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    The more you get fit and lose weight, he'll notice it.. HE will want to get involved because he'll see that you're looking great and other guys are going to want to steal you away from him.


    Let that be the motivator.

    ^^^this!!!
  • acahane
    acahane Posts: 34 Member
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    I found this with my wife a while back. In the end I had to seperate my desire for her to be health from my own deseire to get fit (wanted to do it togther). So I started getting fitter and lossing weight. I would say positive things about ME ONY like how much better I felt, my energy etc. I got envolved with a running group and other things and was out and about. It was seeing the changes in me the made her start. She admitted it was partly fear of lossing me to some fit girl has I was getting more attractive. However that was her insecuirty but it got her moving. Eventually she tarted enjoying it and getting th benifts herself. That when she really changed her mind set.

    Short answer - you can only ever change yourself not another person.
  • thebigcb
    thebigcb Posts: 2,210 Member
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    Hello,

    I am not trying to talk down about my boyfriend but I am just getting to the point where I have had enough. He is in no way motivated to do anything healthy or active with his life. Asking him to go for a walk is like mission impossible. I understand that I cant make him do what he doesnt want to do but having to hear him complain about his appearance is a little tiring when he doesnt want to do anything active for it.
    Its like he goes to work then when work finishes its just time to relax watch tv and play games ONLY...I keep trying in a non pushy way to ask him to do things with me but he says Okay and then never does it... And gets annoyed if i ask again.
    Am I really that bad of a person?
    I hate that I feel like I am being pushy but I know i could be way worse if I wanted to be.

    Does anyone else have a similar situation?

    Should I just let it go?

    Dumb him,
  • furry226
    furry226 Posts: 31
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    Sounds like a standard man... if you dont like it, get a girlfriend!
  • Chadomaniac
    Chadomaniac Posts: 1,785 Member
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    Get a new one
  • conniemaxwell5
    conniemaxwell5 Posts: 943 Member
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    The risk of making a change to your lifestyle is that many of the people in our lives will not understand. When we start to make different choices for ourselves, it makes even more apparent the 'negative' choices they are making. There's a fine line between caring about those choices and becoming judgmental of them.

    I would sit down with your boyfriend and have an open, honest conversation about why you are concerned with his diet and lack of exercise. Once you've done that, leave it alone. Forcing him to change will only foster resentment between you. Don't ask him to go for walks or other activities. He will either see the changes in you and want to change too, or he will stay the same.

    It's important for couples to be compatible - to enjoy enough of the same things to have a life together. If you've made serious changes to your lifestyle and he is comfortable where he is, are you still compatible in enough areas of your life that you want to stay with him? If you are, then make sure you spend time on those things to allow the relationship to flourish. If not, then it may be time to move on and find someone more in tune to who you've become.
  • snookumss
    snookumss Posts: 1,451 Member
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    I had this problem. I had a very heavy boyfriend, who would complain about his gut and bad health, BUT would pick up three peoples worth of taco bell while I couldn't eat that many calories in my remaining meal and he'd have no problem eating it all in front of me. He didnt care enough to do anything, because he'd rather play video games and eat junk food and enjoy the flavor. I tried making healthier food at home, meals that tasted good to me (plenty of flavor) he'd gripe about and I actually remember saying to him: "Not every meal has to taste AMAZING." and he felt that it should, so he'd rather eat taco bell than my homemade food (I'm a pretty good cook actually!). I lost nearly 50lbs over a year, with that type of influence to live with.

    I learned he was lazy, he had no ambition, didn't take anything seriously and would always be content with nothing. If it really bothers you either make it a huge deal and try to force him to change it. OR break up with him and move on. Do what you want to do and be happier. Maybe you'll meet a guy who is a bit more serious about his health.
  • hookilau
    hookilau Posts: 3,134 Member
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    OP: I don't like to be nagged :noway:
    It only makes me dig in my heels more & not want to budge.

    This being said, I missed the whole video game thing as I come from the generation of pinball machines :laugh: :laugh:
    In the 80's we went to Dead shows & did other time wasting things like frisbee & drinking in the park :smokin:

    I would let it go & make exercise activities 'me time'....if all he wants to do is play video games during his down time, it's HIS down time. I say respect it for what it is. Good luck :drinker: :drinker:
  • PepperWorm
    PepperWorm Posts: 1,206
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    Wrong, wrong, wrong.

    You can't change your boyfriend, his goals or what he wants to do. If you can't accept him for his life choices long term...then it's time to part ways.
  • PepperWorm
    PepperWorm Posts: 1,206
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    video games. pfff great catch there.

    I'd take the guy who plays video games over someone who judges someone for playing video games any day of the week. But then my husband and I play everyday. We're goofing our way through Dragon's Crown right now.

    OP leave that man the hell alone. Either accept him as you found him or find someone else; he is under no obligation to change just because you choose to change. who he was used to be good enough and its not his fault it isn't anymore because you're the one changing the status quo.

    TRUTH!

    And just because YOU don't like gaming doesn't mean the significant other you chose isn't good enough because THEY do.
  • thebigcb
    thebigcb Posts: 2,210 Member
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    Dumb him, hes an overweight gamer, there will be a line of women waiting to catch him I am sure
  • MackieMotivation
    MackieMotivation Posts: 25 Member
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    If you BF and his attitute remain the same do you think your BF makes you happy? Do you see yourself being with him in 5 years?

    If the answer to both of these questions is yes then stay happy in your relationship and accept that your interests lie in different areas and therefore can't enjoy every interest together as a couple (this is a good thing!!)

    If the answer to both these questions is no then it's time to split up.

    If the answer to both these questions is yes but only if he...or yes if we had...or yes if anything then it's also time to split up.

    Hopw that helps!

    Exxx
  • babyluthi
    babyluthi Posts: 285 Member
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    Lead by example:bigsmile:
    Okay I am coming across a lot different to what I am.
    I am asking for help cos i want to help him not me. He works 9 - 5 mon - fri like a lot of people on here do.
    But I will let it go if he complains about his weight or size I am just gonna shrug it off...he is eating junk food for lunch everyday decreasing his life span and time togethor I will just shrug it off cos I dont want to be that "nagging girlfriend" since diabetes runs in his family its okay Ill just shrug it off.
  • MattLBennett
    MattLBennett Posts: 24 Member
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    video games. pfff great catch there.

    Nice, seriously. :ohwell:

    To the OP : I think i was that guy and my wife was you. I wouldn't do jack about my weight but would complain and be unhappy about it. She (and I think you) just wanted to help the person they love to not be unhappy, if i was happy doing what i was doing then she wouldn't have minded and wouldn't have been offering to help.

    End of the day, like most people have said, you can't and shouldn't try to motivate him only he can do that. Offer the walk and other healthy things but don't take it to heart when he doesn't do it, and if he complains say well if you're unhappy you can come walking with me (in a positive way).

    I am incredibly grateful my wife tried but we are both fully aware that i didn't take her up on it until i knew i wanted a change and if she had tried to make me it would have caused a fight. Coping with someone who is unhappy with themselves is hard, you have my sympathies. You may find you are in different places or want different things from life but give it your best shot and i hope it works out for you. you sound sweet.
  • Fruitcake1972
    Fruitcake1972 Posts: 9 Member
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    Hi,

    Just wanted to say that I think you are great for caring about your partners health and do not deserve the negative reactions you have received.

    Maybe you need to find some form of activity that he would really enjoy. As a gamer paint balling may be a good choice - it is a real adrenaline rush and can be quite a good workout. This would get you both outdoors doing stuff and he may realize he enjoys being outside and active with you.

    Other activities that might appeal could be canoeing, mountain biking and so on. This would make exercise fun rather than a chore.

    Good luck!

    Agree with this person , other competitive "activities" for the gamer that do not sound like exercise ; Bowling, Go ape, Gokarting, kite flying.

    Other Exercise hiding activities; waterskiing, Kite surfing, Wake boarding, Swimming Pools with loads of Chutes, snorkling,

    Does he like Museums/ Arts/ music festivals/ treasure hunts/ disco dancing/ ballroom dancing (all a lot of walking involved without the "boredom")

    Have you got A WI ?

    Has he got any friends who are more active you could engage?

    Sometimes it is easier to stay in an unhappy relationship than it is to move on, out of fear of the unknown, being alone etc, as long as these are not your reasons for staying with him, a 5 year old realtionship is worth fighting for, but not if it is a one person battle.
    Good luck
  • scareysue
    scareysue Posts: 5
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    I used to have this problem with my husband.

    do you know what worked? I decided to stop worrying about it, and I got out there and did what I wanted to do. If I wanted a walk, or went to the gym, and did it.

    It wasn't long before he was asking to come along.
  • xLexa
    xLexa Posts: 482 Member
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    How about going home and saying, let's go for a walk (now)? make it a question :) Don't make plans for Sunday because I know I rarely keep my plans if I wait too long and think about it. But ask once and if he doesn't want to go yourself :) It might take a while but honestly you can't change anyone , but you might inspire him.

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