Just be nice
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debrakgoogins wrote: »singingflutelady wrote: »I find it funny to see all the "does anyone do keto" threads some days especially when there are multiple keto threads on the front page. No need to google to find them.
I saw four separate posts today about "anyone from TN" and they were all from different people. I sometimes wish there was a hard edit that required a first timer or someone who hasn't posted in X amount of time to read how to and acknowledge they understand how to do a search before posting a new topic.
I'm on an anxiety message board where the moderators merge multiple threads that are by the same person or on the same subject. It really cuts down on the repetitiveness of the boards.6 -
callsitlikeiseeit wrote: »Tacklewasher wrote: »Running_and_Coffee wrote: »TavistockToad wrote: »Running_and_Coffee wrote: »I think it's important to consider how effective a cold bucket of reality is really going to be when the dynamic isn't you and your BFF, but a bunch of strangers, many of whom might be feeling sensitive or vulnerable. I'm sure everyone IS intending to be helpful and honest, but what I typically see is:
OP: I want to do <insert popular diet/unrealistic weight loss goal/scam/green tea supplements>
MFP: That won't work. You're overcomplicating this. Eat less. (Sometimes accompanied by flow chart.)
That cold bucket feels...cold. It also could feel discouraging. The OP could interpret it as, "They think I'm stupid."
I mean these are people who are going out on a limb, talking to strangers. They might be frustrated with their bodies, which is no fun And now they feel ostracized for their brains as well, or at least their judgment.
I'm not saying that we should LIE, but there's probably something in between being blunt and maybe a wee bit judgmental and patting them on the head condescendingly.
How would you answer that post, just out of interest? Or would you just scroll on past?
If I thought I could answer in a way that would be helpful and would actually be well-received, I'd answer. If not, I'd scroll. If I have to think too hard to answer "nicely," scrolling works.
How does that help the next new person who comes along and is curious and might be swayed by the OP?
theres a lot of posts I don't respond to because my immediate response is ' you're a dumbass' and other members already have it covered.
this goes for other boards as well as MFP lololol
Agreed, and I do that as well. Just get frustrated when those who do respond nicer than I would are labelled as "mean" and all I can think about is what my reply would have been labelled.4 -
@pinuplove It could have been a bump situation - didn't think about that. See, another kind MFPer sharing their wisdom. Peace, love and rainbows my friend.5
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I’m gonna be the one person on this thread that actually agrees with you for the most part. I don’t think there’s any “hatred” but a lot of people can be rude and make this place kind of intimidating for people who are new. I’m sure nobody is trying to be rude and I’m sure it’s just tough love but when I look through the threads, it seems like a lot of the newer people are sometimes treated like they’re stupid if they ask a question that might be obvious for people who have been here a while No, I can’t think of any specific examples but it’s something I’ve thought about while going through threads. Now everyone’s going to get defensive but I’m just saying what I’ve noticed :-)19
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debrakgoogins wrote: »@pinuplove It could have been a bump situation - didn't think about that. See, another kind MFPer sharing their wisdom. Peace, love and rainbows my friend.
*hugs*
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Tacklewasher wrote: »callsitlikeiseeit wrote: »Tacklewasher wrote: »Running_and_Coffee wrote: »TavistockToad wrote: »Running_and_Coffee wrote: »I think it's important to consider how effective a cold bucket of reality is really going to be when the dynamic isn't you and your BFF, but a bunch of strangers, many of whom might be feeling sensitive or vulnerable. I'm sure everyone IS intending to be helpful and honest, but what I typically see is:
OP: I want to do <insert popular diet/unrealistic weight loss goal/scam/green tea supplements>
MFP: That won't work. You're overcomplicating this. Eat less. (Sometimes accompanied by flow chart.)
That cold bucket feels...cold. It also could feel discouraging. The OP could interpret it as, "They think I'm stupid."
I mean these are people who are going out on a limb, talking to strangers. They might be frustrated with their bodies, which is no fun And now they feel ostracized for their brains as well, or at least their judgment.
I'm not saying that we should LIE, but there's probably something in between being blunt and maybe a wee bit judgmental and patting them on the head condescendingly.
How would you answer that post, just out of interest? Or would you just scroll on past?
If I thought I could answer in a way that would be helpful and would actually be well-received, I'd answer. If not, I'd scroll. If I have to think too hard to answer "nicely," scrolling works.
How does that help the next new person who comes along and is curious and might be swayed by the OP?
theres a lot of posts I don't respond to because my immediate response is ' you're a dumbass' and other members already have it covered.
this goes for other boards as well as MFP lololol
Agreed, and I do that as well. Just get frustrated when those who do respond nicer than I would are labelled as "mean" and all I can think about is what my reply would have been labelled.
my fiance is in canada, and we are in the immigration process for him to move down. those boards are full of the BIGGEST dumbasses ive ever seen!
ps: dont ever let anyone tell you moving to the US is cheap, easy, or fast LOLOLOL2 -
Tacklewasher wrote: »callsitlikeiseeit wrote: »Tacklewasher wrote: »Running_and_Coffee wrote: »TavistockToad wrote: »Running_and_Coffee wrote: »I think it's important to consider how effective a cold bucket of reality is really going to be when the dynamic isn't you and your BFF, but a bunch of strangers, many of whom might be feeling sensitive or vulnerable. I'm sure everyone IS intending to be helpful and honest, but what I typically see is:
OP: I want to do <insert popular diet/unrealistic weight loss goal/scam/green tea supplements>
MFP: That won't work. You're overcomplicating this. Eat less. (Sometimes accompanied by flow chart.)
That cold bucket feels...cold. It also could feel discouraging. The OP could interpret it as, "They think I'm stupid."
I mean these are people who are going out on a limb, talking to strangers. They might be frustrated with their bodies, which is no fun And now they feel ostracized for their brains as well, or at least their judgment.
I'm not saying that we should LIE, but there's probably something in between being blunt and maybe a wee bit judgmental and patting them on the head condescendingly.
How would you answer that post, just out of interest? Or would you just scroll on past?
If I thought I could answer in a way that would be helpful and would actually be well-received, I'd answer. If not, I'd scroll. If I have to think too hard to answer "nicely," scrolling works.
How does that help the next new person who comes along and is curious and might be swayed by the OP?
theres a lot of posts I don't respond to because my immediate response is ' you're a dumbass' and other members already have it covered.
this goes for other boards as well as MFP lololol
Agreed, and I do that as well. Just get frustrated when those who do respond nicer than I would are labelled as "mean" and all I can think about is what my reply would have been labelled.
Kittens. Lots of kittens.2 -
debrakgoogins wrote: »Running_and_Coffee wrote: »OK, so they are "lazy" because they didn't Google first? And that means it's OK to be...grumpy to them?
Alternative theory: a human being who you don't know just a scale wake up call and is flustered, upset and is reaching out for some kind of human connection. On a website called My Fitness PAL.
I think the poster meant searching the forums for the topic they have a question about. Almost every question can be answered with just a bit of research in the forums.
That was pretty much my point, too. That way, the new posters question can start out with specific detailed questions. Or they can just say, hey I'm looking into ways to lose weight and would like to connect with others using 'X' method.0 -
I've been posting regularly for around four and a half years. In all of that time, I can think of maybe a handful of clearly mean/spiteful posts and in every one of those situations, at least one (usually more) regular piped in with a "hey, what's the deal here?" kind of comment. Until somebody actually steps up and actually points out truly mean posts, I will continue to roll my eyes at threads like these.9
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Running_and_Coffee wrote: »OK, so they are "lazy" because they didn't Google first? And that means it's OK to be...grumpy to them?
Alternative theory: a human being who you don't know just a scale wake up call and is flustered, upset and is reaching out for some kind of human connection. On a website called My Fitness PAL.
They can get their connection by responding to a thread that already exists that probably has the answer they are looking for. I never said grumpy, I said concise. I wouldn't blame someone for being grumpy after typing the same reply a million times though.
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Running_and_Coffee wrote: »Running_and_Coffee wrote: »I think it's important to consider how effective a cold bucket of reality is really going to be when the dynamic isn't you and your BFF, but a bunch of strangers, many of whom might be feeling sensitive or vulnerable. I'm sure everyone IS intending to be helpful and honest, but what I typically see is:
OP: I want to do <insert popular diet/unrealistic weight loss goal/scam/green tea supplements>
MFP: That won't work. You're overcomplicating this. Eat less. (Sometimes accompanied by flow chart.)
That cold bucket feels...cold. It also could feel discouraging. The OP could interpret it as, "They think I'm stupid."
I mean these are people who are going out on a limb, talking to strangers. They might be frustrated with their bodies, which is no fun And now they feel ostracized for their brains as well, or at least their judgment.
I'm not saying that we should LIE, but there's probably something in between being blunt and maybe a wee bit judgmental and patting them on the head condescendingly.
This forum does nothing to push back against the laziness of people who can't be bothered to look for 10 minutes for an answer to their question before starting another new thread. Sometimes that answer is still on the first page. The natural result of this is that people who are trying to be helpful who have typed the same response a few thousand times keep getting more and more concise and it comes across as blunt.
OK, so they are "lazy" because they didn't Google first? And that means it's OK to be...grumpy to them?
Alternative theory: a human being who you don't know just a scale wake up call and is flustered, upset and is reaching out for some kind of human connection. On a website called My Fitness PAL.
I'd ague that the bigger problem is not people being mean, but looking for human connection online.
So much this. It's not possible for random strangers on the internet to upset me because they are random strangers on the internet. I'm not invested in them in any way, shape or form and they don't know the first thing about me. Why would I waste time worrying about what they think of me??4 -
I will agree to a problem i just found, So many people saying use the search function and find old threads on the same topic, And then everyone posts zombie gifs when the old thread gets bumped XD4
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Oh I can't take another heartache
Though you say you're my friend, I'm at my wit's end
You say your love is bonafide, but that don't coincide
With the things that you do
And when I ask you to be nice, you say
You've gotta be cruel to be kind, in the right measure
Cruel to be kind, it's a very good sign
Cruel to be kind, means that I love you baby
You gotta be cruel to be kind5 -
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JaydedMiss wrote: »I will agree to a problem i just found, So many people saying use the search function and find old threads on the same topic, And then everyone posts zombie gifs when the old thread gets bumped XD
All the more reason to lurk a bit!2 -
janejellyroll wrote: »TavistockToad wrote: »'Pure hatred'? Really? Care to link to some 'hatred'?
Yes there's straight talking and a lack of sugar coating (who's got the spare cals for that?!) But I have never seen hatred, and I've been here a loooooooong time.
Pure hatred is starting this thread on a Thursday and making me think for a minute that it's actually Friday.
SO MUCH THIS.
I literally checked my calendar when I saw the OP.
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WinoGelato wrote: »janejellyroll wrote: »TavistockToad wrote: »'Pure hatred'? Really? Care to link to some 'hatred'?
Yes there's straight talking and a lack of sugar coating (who's got the spare cals for that?!) But I have never seen hatred, and I've been here a loooooooong time.
Pure hatred is starting this thread on a Thursday and making me think for a minute that it's actually Friday.
SO MUCH THIS.
I literally checked my calendar when I saw the OP.
I've always felt like Thursday is the day for threads like these.
It's Thursday, Thursday, gotta get mean on Thursday!
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JaydedMiss wrote: »I will agree to a problem i just found, So many people saying use the search function and find old threads on the same topic, And then everyone posts zombie gifs when the old thread gets bumped XD
You don't have to POST in the threads.
When I first started on this site people didn't have phone apps. So the threads were not as frequent and the search function actually had some ...function. I agree it doesn't work very well now.
Plus the phones have created this me-me-me-me- answer meeeeeeeee phenomenon. I noticed a huge difference in the number of repetitive threads when everyone started posting from phones.
Meh, not sure what the solution is to this particular problem.
I know it's not more mean people threads, though. That's a sure-fire way to get NO answers at all.
Wait. We're on page four...4 -
MFP has a somewhat different culture, not what you're used to in some other weight management sites. It can be shocking at first, and I can understand how that feels. I remember when I first joined and started using the forums I was a little taken aback. Being the curious person I am, I decided to stay and see what that's all about and I'm glad I did.
If you hang around, you'll get used to the bluntness. After that initial culture shock, you'll come to appreciate it. There is nothing more liberating than learning how all that minutia people sometimes impose on themselves and struggle to uphold is not necessary. How I could be wrong sometimes, and the alternative makes weight loss much easier. We're here to work on our goals, and every tidbit provided by someone who's been there done that and achieved the results is a potential goldmine, regardless of how bluntly it's expressed.10 -
:huh:
What in the world is going on here? I wasn't aware that 'not blindly agreeing with every hare-brained scheme' = 'mean'
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