Why are people so mean

Pixi_Rex

People are not mean, everyone who complains about mean people are usually over sensitive and very whiney.

verymissk

Find new friends if you're not happy with the ones you have. Ignore your family because you can't get a new one.


When people change who they are, a lot of times they no longer mesh with people who liked them before. That's ok. You're going to need to make friends who like the new you.

BeachIron

Be careful though...whenever it seems like "everybody else" doesn't like you...its probably you. You don't have to brag to be disapproving and snide without saying a word. It's like being an ex-smoker (which I am) and coughing and giving dirty looks to people that smoke. That'll lose you a smoker friend in a flat minute.

Sometimes however, all you have in common is your vices and when you let them go, there's nothing left to talk about.

And yes, jealousy does happen, but you may be more self righteous about your new life than you know. All you told us about your friends is that they are fatter than you...its sort of telling.

^ This. And, I'm sorry, but any special diet that you make someone else's problem is a great way to not be invited to a party. I absolutely do not talk diet and exercise with any of my friends that I'm currently hanging out with because they just don't care and I know that. When we go out for beers, I drink beer. When we go out for hamburgers and shakes, I eat a hamburger and drink a shake. When I first got back in town, I received a couple of comments about my fitness level, but I let them slide and didn't say another word other than "thank you." I'm pretty sure that they think of me as "that guy" who can eat whatever he wants and stay fit, but the truth is I monitor my intake very carefully and just don't talk about it or sweat the IDGAF days.

EatClean_WashUrNuts

Your mental awareness, or lack there of, for your present emotional state directly impact how you perceive people to be.

OfficiallySexyVal

I agree with everyone, they are jealous!

I am starting to have the same problem at home myself. I have always been the "fat sister/friend" that everyone hung out with. Well since I have lost my weight and am now smaller than most of my friends and family they all tell me that I am getting to skinny and that if I lose anymore im going to look sick and they try shoving unhealthy food in my face.
I understand what you are going through and if you need someone for support I would be happy to be of assistance!

whierd

They are having trouble identifying with your new lifestyle, and that is ok. However, you keep saying that they didn't invite YOU. How about you invite them to stuff? That way they can see that you aren't a wet blanket now.

Unless you are.

Darryl4126

People are mean because they are stupid jealous winers. I keep my fitness thoughts and goals to myself because no one really cares. Thats my take on it. If they do not do it and now how good it feels to overcome weight issues they do not understand all us on MFP do know how much support one needs on this journey.

rml_16

And, I'm sorry, but any special diet that you make someone else's problem is a great way to not be invited to a party.

She seems pretty laid-back about it. She didn't say she made it their problem.

As a veg, I can tell you, people make it their problem even when you don't. I have never been to a get-together that didn't have something available that didn't have meat in it and I usually bring a dish to pass, anyway, so I can make it my own problem. And when people ask and wring their hands (and they ALWAYS do), my response is always, "Don't worry about it. I'm not there for the food, I'm there for the company."

But still, they all freak out about it. I am not and have never been demanding. If there's nothing for me to eat, I just don't eat. I'm not going to starve to death in a few hours at a party or restaurant.

It sounds like her family was being very mean, whatever their reasons.

5ftnFun

Be careful though...whenever it seems like "everybody else" doesn't like you...its probably you. You don't have to brag to be disapproving and snide without saying a word. It's like being an ex-smoker (which I am) and coughing and giving dirty looks to people that smoke. That'll lose you a smoker friend in a flat minute.

Sometimes however, all you have in common is your vices and when you let them go, there's nothing left to talk about.

And yes, jealousy does happen, but you may be more self righteous about your new life than you know. All you told us about your friends is that they are fatter than you...its sort of telling.

This is something I think the OP should consider. We can't possibly know how her family & friends view her now. Maybe they are jealous and/or no longer have much in common with her. But I do think a little self reflection would be wise. Make sure it isn't you that has changed and not just them. Could it be a little of both?

JessicaBR13

Be careful though...whenever it seems like "everybody else" doesn't like you...its probably you. You don't have to brag to be disapproving and snide without saying a word. It's like being an ex-smoker (which I am) and coughing and giving dirty looks to people that smoke. That'll lose you a smoker friend in a flat minute.

Sometimes however, all you have in common is your vices and when you let them go, there's nothing left to talk about.

And yes, jealousy does happen, but you may be more self righteous about your new life than you know. All you told us about your friends is that they are fatter than you...its sort of telling.

^ Well said.

whierd

And to the people who are saying "they are just jealous!": That is an incredibly simple and short-sighted mentality. I urge you all to examine yourselves.

deksgrl

Get involved in some fitness club, running club, cycling club, group classes or whichever, and you'll make new friend with whom you might have more in common lifestyle-wise... You know you win some, you lose some. :flowerforyou:

This.

sunnyside1213

You can send me a friend request if you like. I am here everyday.

TINAHUNTER1969

I used to have a similar problem with social gatherings because I don't drink alcohol - people used to think if I didn't drink I didn't know how to enjoy myself. However, after attending a few parties and nights out people were amazed that I can have a good time without alcohol. I accept invitations for all sorts of things, I really make an effort to get out and meet new people, I've been to the cinema on my own, attended a show at the local town hall on my own - if I wait for other people all the time my life is going to pass me by so now I'm kinda like the Nike advert I just DO IT!!

Why don't you have a few family over for a barbeque and show them how nice your food is and that its not boring. Also serve some meat dishes - just because you don't eat it doesn't mean you won't serve it!!

I choose not to drink for my own personal wellbeing, its nothing to do with religion or anything.

Don't let people put you down because they have tunnel vision. I made a lot of new friends through zumba and by getting a few friends together to go to different charity nights and things like that. Go along to see bands play near where you live, get a few people together and just spread your wings. My local library advertises nights with various writers who gives talks on their book themes etc. See if there is anything like this in your area and just go along.

We are allowed to change our views and our styles and if necessary some friends - do what you need to do for YOU

TheBitSlinger

^ This. And, I'm sorry, but any special diet that you make someone else's problem is a great way to not be invited to a party. I absolutely do not talk diet and exercise with any of my friends that I'm currently hanging out with because they just don't care and I know that. When we go out for beers, I drink beer. When we go out for hamburgers and shakes, I eat a hamburger and drink a shake. When I first got back in town, I received a couple of comments about my fitness level, but I let them slide and didn't say another word other than "thank you." I'm pretty sure that they think of me as "that guy" who can eat whatever he wants and stay fit, but the truth is I monitor my intake very carefully and just don't talk about it or sweat the IDGAF days.

Fantastic attitude! Gonna adopt the "don't talk about" philosophy.

kevin831

Most of the reply's on this site say your friends are jealous of you & I agree. You look great & feel great & that is what matters the most. It is a good thing you have a supportive "Hubby". He is your source of strength. If you can find some new buddies at the gym or church group or somewhere. Most of the people on this site are very supportive. They will give you the needed motivation to keep going. Hang in there!!!

Commander_Keen

Why not invite them to go to a bar with you.
Why not invite them to go shopping with you.

mike_ny

I honestly don't think mean people need to have any reason to be mean. Whether it's issues of self esteem, insecurity, or paranoia, anyone who doesn't totally fit their ideals and view of the world or even just someone who happens to unluckily be in their path will be the recipient of their anger and meanness. Bitter people are looking for something or somebody to blame their unhappiness or displeasure on instead of taking responsibility for their own shortcomings. There are lots of things most of us don't like, but we accept that and don't make it the focus of our day and all of our interactions with others.

It's their problem and not yours and you need to avoid or ignore them as best you can. It is really hard when it's someone very close that you can't avoid. I unusually try to just state that we don't agree on some things and neither of us are likely to change based on the other's viewpoint, so let's just agree to disagree and stick to neutral topics and things we do agree on. They may grumble, but at least they know you won't take the bait to get into an argument with no chance of resolution.

Above all, do not argue or try to defend your positions (you know you're right, so just take some comfort in that).
Responding back is a waste of time and will only escalate their abuse. Try not to show any negative reactions as they really aren't saying anything they probably haven't already said to you several times prior anyway. They're looking for a reaction and points to counter, so don't give them any and they'll go away and be a nuisance to someone else.

determinedbutlazy

And to the people who are saying "they are just jealous!": That is an incredibly simple and short-sighted mentality. I urge you all to examine yourselves.

hi5

softblondechick

You may not realize it...but maybe you are a "downer" to these people. Maybe you need to chill on talking about your diet, and losing weight, and feeling great. It is sort of like inviting a person who is on AA to a cocktail party, you don't want to not include him, but, you don't want to interfere with his sobriety, and also, he is spouting off about AA, and how great it is...sort of ruins the whole party. Maybe they enjoy eating unhealthy food, just like you used to, and they really don't need your preaching. That may be their perception.

Anyway, it looks to me like you don't have a lot in common with these people anyway, I think finding people who share your goals, and lifestyle would be better.