Why are people so mean
Replies
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Well, some of you people are awesome. Some of you were very quick to judge. I am NOT a stuck up person about any of this. Do I CARE about the health of my family and friends?? YES. Weight loss is FAR MORE important as far as health goes then the vanity aspect of it. I am always very catious in anything I say, weight related or not. Yes, I AM sensitive. I've been through hell and back in life with everything including the way people treated me when I was heavier. So yes....its a little heart breaking and im "overly sensitive" when these friends who ive had through thick and thin are backing out on me because I'm choosing this lifestyle. I get that people grow apart and people change and like different things, I get that....
But its simply the fact that these very same people who loved me through everything I've been through in life, are now looking at me as if I'm taking an "I'm better than you approach". I asked about why people say that they are happy being fat...when they complain about how they wish they could be fit in the very same day. Oh well, thanks to those of you who get where I'm coming from. I'm sorry for those of you who are taking this the very same way that my family and friends are. Words on a screen don't display very good emotion.....
What I bolded could very well be the key to why you're not getting invited to places. People saying, "I'm happy being fat" could very well be defensive mechanisms from these friends and family who are probably on their respective internet forums asking, "Why is my friend/sister/cousin making hurtful/ignorant comments about my weight, diet, etc. now that they've lost weight?"
People weren't quick to judge you; people pointing out that the problem could be you were being objective about an issue with only one half of a story presented. However, your reaction in this post is somewhat telling.0 -
The awesome people are the people who give both sides and don't assume anything.
I have talked to them. It's always some excuse. One friend told me she didn't think i even ate mexivan food......we have been friends for 15 years..I do......the other one said we don't shop at the same stores.....yes we do, we always have. Though Im just a really nice person....and when other people are doing good with their life, I celebrate it and encourage it. I don't alienate.
Some of you should not be on a supportive and.motivational website. Then again...ignorance causes me anger which only motivates me even harder.
I guess they're just being mean, eh?0 -
The awesome people are the people who give both sides and don't assume anything.
I have talked to them. It's always some excuse. One friend told me she didn't think i even ate mexivan food......we have been friends for 15 years..I do......the other one said we don't shop at the same stores.....yes we do, we always have. Though Im just a really nice person....and when other people are doing good with their life, I celebrate it and encourage it. I don't alienate.
Some of you should not be on a supportive and.motivational website. Then again...ignorance causes me anger which only motivates me even harder.
Yep. As expected: it's not my fault, it's everyone else, accusations of "ignorance" . . . Good luck, OP, in all your endeavors! :flowerforyou:0 -
The awesome people are the people who give both sides and don't assume anything.
I have talked to them. It's always some excuse. One friend told me she didn't think i even ate mexivan food......we have been friends for 15 years..I do......the other one said we don't shop at the same stores.....yes we do, we always have. Though Im just a really nice person....and when other people are doing good with their life, I celebrate it and encourage it. I don't alienate.
Some of you should not be on a supportive and.motivational website. Then again...ignorance causes me anger which only motivates me even harder.
It's a fitness website, not a supportive and motivational website. You asked for opinions, don't be surprised when you get a few that fly in the face of your rock solid perceptions of yourself.0 -
The awesome people are the people who give both sides and don't assume anything.
I have talked to them. It's always some excuse. One friend told me she didn't think i even ate mexivan food......we have been friends for 15 years..I do......the other one said we don't shop at the same stores.....yes we do, we always have. Though Im just a really nice person....and when other people are doing good with their life, I celebrate it and encourage it. I don't alienate.
Some of you should not be on a supportive and.motivational website. Then again...ignorance causes me anger which only motivates me even harder.
Being supportive and motivational does not mean agreeing with you.
If you have spoken to them and they are still like that, then time to find some new friends.0 -
People are mean because they are. It's normal, but nobody wants to really believe a peer is better than them. Especially close friends and family. They may acknowledge some things they may be better at, but overall no one wants to feel that they aren't special or superior in some way. And if body issue is a big thing for them, I can see why they are trying to avoid you.
IMO, may be time to find some new friends. If not they you'll just drag yourself down more. Real friends stay friends.
As for family, you'll just have to bite the bullet unfortunately.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness industry for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition0 -
Chances are if it's "everyone else" that's the problem, it isn't.0
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I couldn't give less of a damn about what people think about what I eat, how I eat, if I eat. I don't concern myself with other people's issues. And if someone isn't a help, they're a hindrance. I have no problem telling someone to eff off.0
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Nevermind.....0
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I just thank god I have my husband. He's on this journey with me and so supportive. Just sucks I'm losing all my friends and family in the process
Having your husband by your side is fantastic. People may bring you down, leave you, etc., but having him as your rock is a blessing. I know because my husband is my rock through this. He loves me for who I am.0 -
The awesome people are the people who give both sides and don't assume anything.
I have talked to them. It's always some excuse. One friend told me she didn't think i even ate mexivan food......we have been friends for 15 years..I do......the other one said we don't shop at the same stores.....yes we do, we always have. Though Im just a really nice person....and when other people are doing good with their life, I celebrate it and encourage it. I don't alienate.
Some of you should not be on a supportive and.motivational website. Then again...ignorance causes me anger which only motivates me even harder.
Ah, now people on the site are ignorant.
And they shouldn't be here.
Well, good luck with that.
How is that working out for you?
No one here is calling you anything, nor criticising you (well, until you got defensive).
They are explaining a *possible* path of behavious which *might* be yours.
But now you are all insulted and upset and ... well, that isn't going to lead you into enlightenment.
Either tell your friends you would love to go with them, that you were hurt to not be invited or figure it out why this happens.
"Jealousy" is a fast and easy answer.
Mean people everywhere.... is such an easy answer.0 -
I couldn't give less of a damn about what people think about what I eat, how I eat, if I eat. I don't concern myself with other people's issues. And if someone isn't a help, they're a hindrance. I have no problem telling someone to eff off.
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OP deactivated her account. Pretty telling IMO.0
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Easy come, easy go.OP deactivated her account. Pretty telling IMO.0 -
I've had friends who have gotten together and not invited me. This was years ago when I was in college. At the time, I made excuses for them, but in the long run those friendships didn't last. I believe that people who are supportive of you will add positivity to your life. Sometimes when you change for the better, some people can't deal with it and they begin to withdraw from you. My suggestion would be to join a gym or a club and make new friends. Keep the doors open with your other friends, but I wouldn't expect much.
I've had similar things happen recently, when I decided to change and grow emotionally. In less than a year, I have lost more than one friend because I got rid of frienemies. I'm pursuing my career dreams and some people were not supportive and even criticized me, including one of my guy friends. I don't think it always has to do with jealousy.
And just an FYI, I have lost about 10 pounds since May and NO ONE has noticed! But I don't really care because I'm happy with my progress.0 -
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Sounds like they are not right. To not invite you to a family party is ridiculous; I have no idea why some people are replying your perception is off on this. They need to clue in, family is supposed to be there for good and bad no matter what. My sister did not need to join MFP (she is a size 2 and beautiful after two kids) but she did just to encourage me to log in everyday and keep going. Feel free to add me.0
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I agree with everyone, they are jealous!...
I
Yabut "everyone" didn't say this ^^.0 -
Because being mean,condescending, sarcastic and self righteous gives me a bit of a superiority lift to counter my crushing self doubt and low self-esteem.0
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The awesome people are the people who give both sides and don't assume anything.
I have talked to them. It's always some excuse. One friend told me she didn't think i even ate mexivan food......we have been friends for 15 years..I do......the other one said we don't shop at the same stores.....yes we do, we always have. Though Im just a really nice person....and when other people are doing good with their life, I celebrate it and encourage it. I don't alienate.
Some of you should not be on a supportive and.motivational website. Then again...ignorance causes me anger which only motivates me even harder.
I think we found who the problem is in your relationship dynamics.0 -
You are not alone! I have been dealing w/ this too. Especially the veggie thing. I'm pescetarian actually, so there are lots of things I can eat and I don't even mind bringing my own food to a get-together...but I'm feeling left out all of the time for this reason. People seem to think I'll be offended by going anywhere with burgers served. No! They need to get it right, and when I try to explain it seems to fall on deaf ears.
However...I've kind of been on the other side of this, and I don't wanna say you're bragging or being obnoxious because it does NOT sound like you are. I have a friend who has lost a lot of weight, for her (she wasn't that big to begin with) and she gets so preachy toward everyone about carbs. It is more annoying than she probably realizes. Also, she's had a big surge of confidence but in my opinion it's kind of a false confidence because she used to think she was the ugliest, frumpiest thing ever and now she seems to think every guy wants her and every girl is jealous of her. In reality, nope...she's just looking thinner and better, but no one is THAT interested in it except her! hehe0 -
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Just take care of yourself, if they were true friends and family, they wouldn't judge you or unfriend you, maybe your better w/out them. Keep up the good work, we're all here for you, ONLY YOU CAN CHANGE YOU~ YOU CANT CHANGE THEM0
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My opinions on why many people are so mean;
1.) They are addicted to their own adrenalin. When they engage in conflict, adrenalin starts to flow, the body gets a rush of energy and heightened awareness. So they like conflict.
2.) It makes them feel "better than thou". By concentrating on the specks in other people's eyes, they don't have to acknowledge the specks in their own eyes (i.e. you're so screwed up relative to me, so I must be great).
Bottom line. Dump 'em if they are in your social circle. Then ignore their aggression (physical confrontation is different). If you respond, it will trigger item 1 above and they will press the conflict forward even more(i.e. don't feed them their drug of choice, adrenalin, as it only amplifies the addiction and motivates them to be even meaner).0 -
Reading your post, makes me wonder. Please, understand I am not trying to be mean. Just throwing out my perspective.
It is possible you have given off signals that come across wrong to them. You could have made a comment, that didn't register with you as bad, that came off wrong to them. Also, maybe it is just me, but I don't think you needed to tell us that your friends are fat. It's information we really don't need to know. You kind of threw them under the bus, and I get that you're upset and hurt but we really didn't need to know that they're not 'healthy.'
I do honestly believe you need to sit down and have a talk with your friends. It may be a painful experience for both sides, but everyone needs to put their cards on the table and get it all out of their system so you can decide whether these friends are worth the effort or not. Same with family.
Again, I'm not trying to be mean or anything. Just giving my opinion and you know, it is awesome that you are instilling great health values for your kids and family.0 -
I have/had a friend with different political views than myself, who've I've know about 20 years. We were fine for years, but as we've aged, she's became more engrossed in her beliefs, which unfortunately could come across as insulting to my beliefs, lifestyle and relationships. While I cannot imagine she was being deliberately mean, she would sometimes try to 'change' my option or stance on MY OWN politics.
Not long ago, I had a dinner party and I did not invite her. Thanks to Facebook she found out and made a thing of it. I gave the lame excuse I did not think she'd want to make the drive to my house. However, I really didn't want her there. I wanted a nice fun evening of people that don't stress me out. Recently, she struck again and I'm putting her on ice.
I'm sure she's somewhere on some christian republican website complaining about how mean and jealous I am.0 -
OP deactivated her account. Pretty telling IMO.
Oh jeez. Where's a butt hurt or cry gif when needed???
The internet is full of people, you'll get opinions from everyone when you ask a question! Some will just stroke the ego and say, "Yes, you're a saint and they're just evil, jealous people." and others will just tell it like they see it.0 -
OP deactivated her account. Pretty telling IMO.
The typical sequence would be for the mean spirited to escalate the verbal abuse to death and rape threats.
Very civilized.......NOT!0 -
I agree with everyone, they are jealous!
And by "everyone", you mean "about half of the responses so far", right?
And personally, I think everyone is jealous of me because I'm not prone to hyperbole.
Anyhow, I'm...
In...
...to see where the conversation goes from here.0
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