Single and Resentful
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fastfoodietofitcutie
Posts: 523 Member
in Chit-Chat
I love my family dearly but am feeling a little resentful today for having to shell out money again for a family occasion. I’m the oldest of four and unfortunately single. Over the years I have spent thousands on weddings, showers, bachelorette parties, baby showers, christening gifts, etc.. It’s not that I don’t want to celebrate their joyous occasions but I’m sad it will never be returned. In my mid 40’s, I’ll never have a baby and may never get married. It’s not that I’m keeping track of the money and want it back but it would be nice to be acknowledged that I’ve gone above and beyond over the years and have never been celebrated myself. I know that’s selfish. Just feeling sorry for myself today I guess as I’m on my way to celebrate another event that I’ll never have.
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Replies
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SIngle and resentful?
You wanna see true resentment.....
you should try being married.36 -
Just be happy: 1) you have a family you can share life with, many don't, and 2) you have the funds to it, again many don't.
Have a good day.15 -
Lots of hugs to you. It's ok to be a little selfish. Have you discussed your feelings with your family?0
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It makes sense to feel down about this and it's totally ok to acknowledge those feelings. Can you have a birthday bash or something that will bring the people you care about together to celebrate your day? Today I was reading Aliki's book "Feelings" with my kids and there's a boy generously sharing, and a boy with an angry look on his face a ways off hoarding his toys. The sharer says, "It feels good to give." And the recipient says, "It feels good to get." Those two kids are standing together and bonding. If you can, focus on how your sharing brings you closer together to your family and friends. You must be so loved to receive all those invitations. But I also think it's ok to say, "I can't afford to attend that destination wedding," and afford can mean "emotionally afford."8
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fastfoodietofitcutie wrote: »I love my family dearly but am feeling a little resentful today for having to shell out money again for a family occasion. I’m the oldest of four and unfortunately single. Over the years I have spent thousands on weddings, showers, bachelorette parties, baby showers, christening gifts, etc.. It’s not that I don’t want to celebrate their joyous occasions but I’m sad it will never be returned. In my mid 40’s, I’ll never have a baby and may never get married. It’s not that I’m keeping track of the money and want it back but it would be nice to be acknowledged that I’ve gone above and beyond over the years and have never been celebrated myself. I know that’s selfish. Just feeling sorry for myself today I guess as I’m on my way to celebrate another event that I’ll never have.
Throw yourself a lavish birthday party. Ball gown, banquet hall, fancy invites. They will celebrate you and gift you things as well.5 -
Motorsheen wrote: »SIngle and resentful?
You wanna see true resentment.....
you should try being married.
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I have never thought about this aspect.
Coupla things:
Don’t buy your nieces and nephews birthday or Xmas gifts (if you do this already), your siblings will thank you. Trust me
Second, i can’t tell if this is about the money or if it’s just a reminder that you’re single and feel lonely but I just want to say that ‘having someone’ can be desperately lonely too. Marriage is not all it’s cracked up to be. Kids are generally jerks and any parent who says differently probably never actually spends time with their kids 😅. I’m currently engaged in a Mexican standoff with my husband over the dirty dishes and even though it’s been a few days, he still doesn’t even know that I’ve waged battle. I can’t remember the last time we had an engaging conversation. My son is a budding bully and I have to work with him constantly on empathy. My daughter is a martyr and an eternal victim and she’s only 7. Her favorite activity is throwing a tantrum. I spend most days irritable and resentful that I had kids ‘because that’s just what you do’. I know some day they’ll outgrow this but my daily mother’s guilt level is somewhere between self-loathing and a low-grade level of black despair.
Now. Several people might quote this and say “I love my marriage and kids” and that’s great. I’m glad. But the silent majority get it, although most of them are wise enough not to put it out so flatly like this. 😬
So I guess I’m saying.. the grass is always greener. You envy us. We envy you. But I can tell you that no amount of gifts I received for babies or showers or my wedding even come close to making up for what are decidedly my biggest regrets and the loss of my freedom.
Disclaimer: I love my kids. I do not regret their existence. But I truly hate being a parent and it’s something I need to work out so they never feel as though I resent them. *Edit* This is getting better as they get older, so there’s hope
Most important thing though: I have no intention of invalidating your feelings. I don’t mean to imply that you shouldn’t feel upset because others have it worse. I’m just trying to share the real life aspects of what you feel you’re missing out on.
This is my longest post ever.
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😂0 -
caco_ethes wrote: »I have never thought about this aspect.
Coupla things:
Don’t buy your nieces and nephews birthday or Xmas gifts (if you do this already), your siblings will thank you....
Regarding your whole post, I think you have a good point about the grass is always greener. Additionally, you never know what’s going on behind closed doors but as far as I can tell everyone is very happy in their family units. Not that I don’t want them to be happy, it just makes my envy even worse.
I do have those days or weekends that I am thankful for being able to do what I want but in my mind it doesn’t make up for not having a partner in life.
I hope your situation gets better!1 -
Being single is definitely hard and marriage is hard as well. I have a couple of single friends and I notice that yes sometimes they are lonely but they go out with their girlfriends, get mani's and pedi's, they shop and take care of themselves. If I were you, I would find some friends that you could hang out with, that have the same interests as you and the same situation. It is hard being around married people, when you are single. I would take a trip and do things for yourself, like traveling to a place you have never been before. I would not go all out for every event for the family. I give my nephews practical gifts and I give to them at all times of the year. I hope you can find comfort soon and/or find someone to love.0
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caco_ethes wrote: »I have never thought about this aspect.
Coupla things:
Don’t buy your nieces and nephews birthday or Xmas gifts (if you do this already), your siblings will thank you. Trust me
Second, i can’t tell if this is about the money or if it’s just a reminder that you’re single and feel lonely but I just want to say that ‘having someone’ can be desperately lonely too. Marriage is not all it’s cracked up to be. Kids are generally jerks and any parent who says differently probably never actually spends time with their kids 😅. I’m currently engaged in a Mexican standoff with my husband over the dirty dishes and even though it’s been a few days, he still doesn’t even know that I’ve waged battle. I can’t remember the last time we had an engaging conversation. My son is a budding bully and I have to work with him constantly on empathy. My daughter is a martyr and an eternal victim and she’s only 7. Her favorite activity is throwing a tantrum. I spend most days irritable and resentful that I had kids ‘because that’s just what you do’. I know some day they’ll outgrow this but my daily mother’s guilt level is somewhere between self-loathing and a low-grade level of black despair.
Now. Several people might quote this and say “I love my marriage and kids” and that’s great. I’m glad. But the silent majority get it, although most of them are wise enough not to put it out so flatly like this. 😬
So I guess I’m saying.. the grass is always greener. You envy us. We envy you. But I can tell you that no amount of gifts I received for babies or showers or my wedding even come close to making up for what are decidedly my biggest regrets and the loss of my freedom.
Disclaimer: I love my kids. I do not regret their existence. But I truly hate being a parent and it’s something I need to work out so they never feel as though I resent them. *Edit* This is getting better as they get older, so there’s hope
Most important thing though: I have no intention of invalidating your feelings. I don’t mean to imply that you shouldn’t feel upset because others have it worse. I’m just trying to share the real life aspects of what you feel you’re missing out on.
This is my longest post ever.
I'll be thinking about this when I go swimming today.2 -
I promise you... that grass isn't any greener. It's just different grass.6
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This post actually reminds me of an episode of Sex and the City. Sorry that you feel that way. I second the opinion that you should throw yourself a fantastic birthday party. Gift registry and all.1
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caco_ethes wrote: »I have never thought about this aspect.
Coupla things:
Don’t buy your nieces and nephews birthday or Xmas gifts (if you do this already), your siblings will thank you. Trust me
Second, i can’t tell if this is about the money or if it’s just a reminder that you’re single and feel lonely but I just want to say that ‘having someone’ can be desperately lonely too. Marriage is not all it’s cracked up to be. Kids are generally jerks and any parent who says differently probably never actually spends time with their kids 😅. I’m currently engaged in a Mexican standoff with my husband over the dirty dishes and even though it’s been a few days, he still doesn’t even know that I’ve waged battle. I can’t remember the last time we had an engaging conversation. My son is a budding bully and I have to work with him constantly on empathy. My daughter is a martyr and an eternal victim and she’s only 7. Her favorite activity is throwing a tantrum. I spend most days irritable and resentful that I had kids ‘because that’s just what you do’. I know some day they’ll outgrow this but my daily mother’s guilt level is somewhere between self-loathing and a low-grade level of black despair.
Now. Several people might quote this and say “I love my marriage and kids” and that’s great. I’m glad. But the silent majority get it, although most of them are wise enough not to put it out so flatly like this. 😬
So I guess I’m saying.. the grass is always greener. You envy us. We envy you. But I can tell you that no amount of gifts I received for babies or showers or my wedding even come close to making up for what are decidedly my biggest regrets and the loss of my freedom.
Disclaimer: I love my kids. I do not regret their existence. But I truly hate being a parent and it’s something I need to work out so they never feel as though I resent them. *Edit* This is getting better as they get older, so there’s hope
Most important thing though: I have no intention of invalidating your feelings. I don’t mean to imply that you shouldn’t feel upset because others have it worse. I’m just trying to share the real life aspects of what you feel you’re missing out on.
This is my longest post ever.
I can relate to alot of this some days. No judgement here!1 -
Motorsheen wrote: »SIngle and resentful?
You wanna see true resentment.....
you should try being married.
I'm editing this post to recant my previous statement
0 -
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Motorsheen wrote: »SIngle and resentful?
You wanna see true resentment.....
you should try being married.
W3rd G.3 -
fastfoodietofitcutie wrote: »
I don't doubt it, but...I promise you... that grass isn't any greener. It's just different grass.
I would also wonder if you're projecting a bit. Is "everyone" *really* pitying you? And if so, are they pitying you because they think you're missing out on something fantastically wonderful, or because they know you want a family of your own?4 -
fastfoodietofitcutie wrote: »Being 45 and single at every function and have everyone pity you takes its toll.
Like you should care at 45? That is right in the "not caring what other people think" age wheel house. Wait till 50. Then all the pity, insults, and judegement gets really funny.
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