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How to deal with comments

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  • leanjogreen18leanjogreen18 Posts: 2,464Member, Premium Member Posts: 2,464Member, Premium Member
    I really think you take peoples comments especially your friends comments too seriously, between this thread and your other one.

    I'm cutting and I had a piece of pizza and my friend said something to the effect of "I thought you were on a diet". Now I could have gotten upset about that and assigned negative intent to it but...First this is my friend I think she meant well, secondly perhaps she thinks I must eat salads for every meal? So I simply said yeah I'm eating a piece of pizza with a side salad and my fitiness trainer (who is a strenth trainer with several folks competing) has access to my food diary, he's ok with it. That usually either promotes more questions (I have only a select few friends that know I'm cutting) or stops the conversation because they know I'm watching it.

    I really think you need to losen up a bit about putting intentions on other peoples comments for your own sake and friendships. You've worked hard you have something that works for you and that's fantastic. Others are not you, they make comments because perhaps they really are surprised you're eating something "not healthy", maybe they are ribbing you a bit since you eat differently than they do.

    Lastly I don't talk about my diet except with very few friends who are supportive and on here. They make strange comments from time to time but honestly I don't give a rats *kitten* what they think. I know what my plan is I'm paying for an excellent trainer who's got a handle on my progress. Just assign a well meaning intention and move on or laugh it off.

    tl;dr - you can't control what other people think and say, you can only control your reaction to it.
    edited December 2018
  • carolyn000000carolyn000000 Posts: 174Member Member Posts: 174Member Member
    BZAH10 wrote: »
    Ok, some decent responses, we've established that I'm being a whiny little *kitten* lately, I'm going to stop now. I see I've brought some some stuff on myself by not exactly being private about myeal prepped thing.

    I still have 1 question though - why is it socially acceptable to comment on "healthier" choices or "healthier" peoples cheats (I know there's such thing as healthy or unhealthy food its just a term) - and yet if those healthy people were to ever fire back with comments about an obese persons food, they'd be seen as rude? Personally I think both are kinda rude, but why is one of them perfectly ok in today's society and the other makes you a *kitten*?

    This isn't a whine, its a legitimate question I have.

    It’s not acceptable in either situation but it absolutely happens a lot to obese people (just peruse these forums for thread after thread judging people who eat fast food/buy ice cream cookies/etc.). It absolutely happens in person too.

    However. I think in your case, the commentary is largely because of the spectacle you’ve made of your eating and not the actual contents of your food containers.

    Millions of people “food prep” whether or not they are doing anything special for fitness. Millions of people bring their own food to work (“good” food or otherwise). Millions of people eat frequently for a variety of reasons (medical issues, preference, etc.). Most of them do so without preamble and just go about their business.

    You’ve chosen to make all this extremely public. Therefore it is fodder for the masses. People don’t comment on tthings they don’t notice.

    Nope... I think a lot of people notice what you are eating. I get comments all the time. Sometimes I even will eat junk just to not get noticed or to fit in. I have co-workers who sneak off to another room to eat their burgers and fries even though I have NEVER commented on their food.

    I have no answers for what to say. It always takes me off guard when people comment, and I am just minding my own business trying to enjoy my lunch.

    I'm not personally criticizing you so please don't take offense but I don't think this is a good thing to do. First, you don't need to "fit in". You make your choices regardless of the baseless opinions of others.

    Think of some comments ahead of time so that you'll be prepared. You'll probably feel better afterwards for standing up for yourself. I have plenty of responses to unsolicited comments but most would be offensive so I only use them if absolutely necessary.

    Oh no I agree with you totally. I just work with all morbidly obese people. I stick out like a sore thumb and like to blend in sometimes. However, after three years, two of them are starting to losing weight, and I even got them on MFP!
  • BZAH10BZAH10 Posts: 5,307Member Member Posts: 5,307Member Member
    BZAH10 wrote: »
    Ok, some decent responses, we've established that I'm being a whiny little *kitten* lately, I'm going to stop now. I see I've brought some some stuff on myself by not exactly being private about myeal prepped thing.

    I still have 1 question though - why is it socially acceptable to comment on "healthier" choices or "healthier" peoples cheats (I know there's such thing as healthy or unhealthy food its just a term) - and yet if those healthy people were to ever fire back with comments about an obese persons food, they'd be seen as rude? Personally I think both are kinda rude, but why is one of them perfectly ok in today's society and the other makes you a *kitten*?

    This isn't a whine, its a legitimate question I have.

    It’s not acceptable in either situation but it absolutely happens a lot to obese people (just peruse these forums for thread after thread judging people who eat fast food/buy ice cream cookies/etc.). It absolutely happens in person too.

    However. I think in your case, the commentary is largely because of the spectacle you’ve made of your eating and not the actual contents of your food containers.

    Millions of people “food prep” whether or not they are doing anything special for fitness. Millions of people bring their own food to work (“good” food or otherwise). Millions of people eat frequently for a variety of reasons (medical issues, preference, etc.). Most of them do so without preamble and just go about their business.

    You’ve chosen to make all this extremely public. Therefore it is fodder for the masses. People don’t comment on tthings they don’t notice.

    Nope... I think a lot of people notice what you are eating. I get comments all the time. Sometimes I even will eat junk just to not get noticed or to fit in. I have co-workers who sneak off to another room to eat their burgers and fries even though I have NEVER commented on their food.

    I have no answers for what to say. It always takes me off guard when people comment, and I am just minding my own business trying to enjoy my lunch.

    I'm not personally criticizing you so please don't take offense but I don't think this is a good thing to do. First, you don't need to "fit in". You make your choices regardless of the baseless opinions of others.

    Think of some comments ahead of time so that you'll be prepared. You'll probably feel better afterwards for standing up for yourself. I have plenty of responses to unsolicited comments but most would be offensive so I only use them if absolutely necessary.

    Oh no I agree with you totally. I just work with all morbidly obese people. I stick out like a sore thumb and like to blend in sometimes. However, after three years, two of them are starting to losing weight, and I even got them on MFP!

    Good for you! Lead by example. Excellent. Hopefully they'll stick with it.
  • youcantflexcardioyoucantflexcardio Posts: 347Member, Premium Member Posts: 347Member, Premium Member
    I really think you take peoples comments especially your friends comments too seriously, between this thread and your other one.

    I'm cutting and I had a piece of pizza and my friend said something to the effect of "I thought you were on a diet". Now I could have gotten upset about that and assigned negative intent to it but...First this is my friend I think she meant well, secondly perhaps she thinks I must eat salads for every meal? So I simply said yeah I'm eating a piece of pizza with a side salad and my fitiness trainer (who is a strenth trainer with several folks competing) has access to my food diary, he's ok with it. That usually either promotes more questions (I have only a select few friends that know I'm cutting) or stops the conversation because they know I'm watching it.

    I really think you need to losen up a bit about putting intentions on other peoples comments for your own sake and friendships. You've worked hard you have something that works for you and that's fantastic. Others are not you, they make comments because perhaps they really are surprised you're eating something "not healthy", maybe they are ribbing you a bit since you eat differently than they do.

    Lastly I don't talk about my diet except with very few friends who are supportive and on here. They make strange comments from time to time but honestly I don't give a rats *kitten* what they think. I know what my plan is I'm paying for an excellent trainer who's got a handle on my progress. Just assign a well meaning intention and move on or laugh it off.

    tl;dr - you can't control what other people think and say, you can only control your reaction to it.

    In the spirit of not whining, I can agree with most of what you say. When I was at a concert and my friends wife said "you know they don't serve protien shakes here, I hope you brought your own", that was actually really damn funny. That's friendly ribbing and I'm ok with it.

    That said, there is a difference between friendly ribbing and/or innocent comments, and snide remarks disguised as ribbing. Not a lot of people make those, but there's a couple people who eat really unhealthy/drink a lot and are pretty overweight, and I actually seem to get the most flak from them. It's not ribbing anymore - it legitimately seems to irritate them that I moderately drink, cut weight, workout, lift, eat a meal plan etc. And trust me, I'm not trying to flaunt anything there - some of them live with me. Can't really hide the fact that my steak gets weighed when there's a food scale on the counter.

    Edit: and no, I don't talk about eating or working out or anything at home, at all. I come here to do that, or talk to my friends/family who do train about this stuff.
    edited December 2018
  • JBanx256JBanx256 Posts: 119Member Member Posts: 119Member Member
    Ok, some decent responses, we've established that I'm being a whiny little *kitten* lately, I'm going to stop now. I see I've brought some some stuff on myself by not exactly being private about myeal prepped thing.

    I still have 1 question though - why is it socially acceptable to comment on "healthier" choices or "healthier" peoples cheats (I know there's such thing as healthy or unhealthy food its just a term) - and yet if those healthy people were to ever fire back with comments about an obese persons food, they'd be seen as rude? Personally I think both are kinda rude, but why is one of them perfectly ok in today's society and the other makes you a *kitten*?

    This isn't a whine, its a legitimate question I have.

    FWIW, I didn't read this as a whine.

    I have noticed that too - but then again, now it's socially acceptable for people to comment "ew bArF ThAt'S sO gRoSs!" about more muscular physiques (especially on females), "ewwww VeInS R YUCKY" or "U lOoK LiKe a mAn wItH AlL tHe mUsClEs" (sorry, trying to type in the most obviously knuckle-dragging, mouth-breathing way possible here). Somehow, negative comments about fit/strong/healthy bodies is perfectly OK, but may the Good Lord protect anyone who is even PERCEIVED to be "body shaming" anyone who is overweight.

    At my work, there is one group of women (thank you Eight Pound, Six Ounce, Newborn Baby Jesus I'm the only female on my shift so all my immediate co-workers are guys) who are all extremely overweight (think 100+ pounds, one of them was over 8 months pregnant and some people didn't even realize it) and I hear negative comments about my body, food, gym schedule, etc, daily. *shrugs* not a clue.
  • JBanx256JBanx256 Posts: 119Member Member Posts: 119Member Member
    TheRoadDog wrote: »
    We must have different types of friends. Mine would encourage me while trying to lose, but would not comment if I happened to slip. Since most of my gatherings revolve around BBQ, Motorcycles, Cigars and Bourbon it don't really matter.

    You sir are living your life right!
    (as long as the bourbon & motorcycles aren't enjoyed simultaneously, of course).
    VFR800 rider here. keep the rubber side down brother!
  • youcantflexcardioyoucantflexcardio Posts: 347Member, Premium Member Posts: 347Member, Premium Member
    JBanx256 wrote: »
    Ok, some decent responses, we've established that I'm being a whiny little *kitten* lately, I'm going to stop now. I see I've brought some some stuff on myself by not exactly being private about myeal prepped thing.

    I still have 1 question though - why is it socially acceptable to comment on "healthier" choices or "healthier" peoples cheats (I know there's such thing as healthy or unhealthy food its just a term) - and yet if those healthy people were to ever fire back with comments about an obese persons food, they'd be seen as rude? Personally I think both are kinda rude, but why is one of them perfectly ok in today's society and the other makes you a *kitten*?

    This isn't a whine, its a legitimate question I have.

    FWIW, I didn't read this as a whine.

    I have noticed that too - but then again, now it's socially acceptable for people to comment "ew bArF ThAt'S sO gRoSs!" about more muscular physiques (especially on females), "ewwww VeInS R YUCKY" or "U lOoK LiKe a mAn wItH AlL tHe mUsClEs" (sorry, trying to type in the most obviously knuckle-dragging, mouth-breathing way possible here). Somehow, negative comments about fit/strong/healthy bodies is perfectly OK, but may the Good Lord protect anyone who is even PERCEIVED to be "body shaming" anyone who is overweight.

    At my work, there is one group of women (thank you Eight Pound, Six Ounce, Newborn Baby Jesus I'm the only female on my shift so all my immediate co-workers are guys) who are all extremely overweight (think 100+ pounds, one of them was over 8 months pregnant and some people didn't even realize it) and I hear negative comments about my body, food, gym schedule, etc, daily. *shrugs* not a clue.

    You know, might be a bit self centered but I didn't even think about women who lift weights. That's got to be a whole different set of BS comments to deal with. I happen to think Paige Hathaway is gorgeous and Annie Thorissdottr has the sexiest legs on the planet, but I'm well aware I'm in the minority there. I think fit & strong looks better than fat or skinnny regardless of gender. It's what the human body was made for.
  • lynn_glenmontlynn_glenmont Posts: 5,582Member Member Posts: 5,582Member Member
    Ok, some decent responses, we've established that I'm being a whiny little *kitten* lately, I'm going to stop now. I see I've brought some some stuff on myself by not exactly being private about myeal prepped thing.

    I still have 1 question though - why is it socially acceptable to comment on "healthier" choices or "healthier" peoples cheats (I know there's such thing as healthy or unhealthy food its just a term) - and yet if those healthy people were to ever fire back with comments about an obese persons food, they'd be seen as rude? Personally I think both are kinda rude, but why is one of them perfectly ok in today's society and the other makes you a *kitten*?

    This isn't a whine, its a legitimate question I have.

    It's not OK to comment about what other people are eating, or how they're eating it. It's generally also considered rude to directly point out to people that they're being rude, so they tend to get away with their rude comments about food and eating. I have on the rare occasion, when the comments and discussion over my eating had gone on for a while and my irritation level was rising, made the remark,"I always thought it was considered rude to comment on what people are eating." Note, I didn't directly tell the person speaking that they were being rude. And my tone was what I would use if I were trying to change the topic with a remark about the weather, like, "Oh, look, I think it might be going to rain." But it's been very effective the few times I've used it -- it has even elicited an apology or two.

    I don't think that society in general treats remarks about the things eaten by healthy or obese people all that differently, but that's my experience. I think our perceptions are all influenced by our individual circumstances -- we're all far more likely to notice comments directed to ourselves, comments that bother us, and comments that fit our existing world view than we are to notice comments directed at other people, comments that don't bother us, and comments that are inconsistent with our existing world view. In my experience, people can make comments about the food that obese people eat without being viewed as a *kitten*, so long as they don't accompany it by a direct and rude comment on the person's obesity, such as, "Do you really think you should be eating that, considering that you're already a fat cow?" Are the people making comments to you actually insulting you?

  • youcantflexcardioyoucantflexcardio Posts: 347Member, Premium Member Posts: 347Member, Premium Member
    Ok, some decent responses, we've established that I'm being a whiny little *kitten* lately, I'm going to stop now. I see I've brought some some stuff on myself by not exactly being private about myeal prepped thing.

    I still have 1 question though - why is it socially acceptable to comment on "healthier" choices or "healthier" peoples cheats (I know there's such thing as healthy or unhealthy food its just a term) - and yet if those healthy people were to ever fire back with comments about an obese persons food, they'd be seen as rude? Personally I think both are kinda rude, but why is one of them perfectly ok in today's society and the other makes you a *kitten*?

    This isn't a whine, its a legitimate question I have.

    It's not OK to comment about what other people are eating, or how they're eating it. It's generally also considered rude to directly point out to people that they're being rude, so they tend to get away with their rude comments about food and eating. I have on the rare occasion, when the comments and discussion over my eating had gone on for a while and my irritation level was rising, made the remark,"I always thought it was considered rude to comment on what people are eating." Note, I didn't directly tell the person speaking that they were being rude. And my tone was what I would use if I were trying to change the topic with a remark about the weather, like, "Oh, look, I think it might be going to rain." But it's been very effective the few times I've used it -- it has even elicited an apology or two.

    I don't think that society in general treats remarks about the things eaten by healthy or obese people all that differently, but that's my experience. I think our perceptions are all influenced by our individual circumstances -- we're all far more likely to notice comments directed to ourselves, comments that bother us, and comments that fit our existing world view than we are to notice comments directed at other people, comments that don't bother us, and comments that are inconsistent with our existing world view. In my experience, people can make comments about the food that obese people eat without being viewed as a *kitten*, so long as they don't accompany it by a direct and rude comment on the person's obesity, such as, "Do you really think you should be eating that, considering that you're already a fat cow?" Are the people making comments to you actually insulting you?

    Meh, not really insulting, just irritating. Might be some vieled insults from a couple of people, but whatever. I'm just gonna do me. People can say what they want - if what I do bothers them that's their problem not mine.
  • Keto_VampireKeto_Vampire Posts: 931Member Member Posts: 931Member Member
    Long term behavior & habits vastly outweigh infrequent, sporadic choices done once in a blue moon...
    A few doses of "toxic" holiday food each year is not going to kill you or make you a hippocrate
  • comptonelizabethcomptonelizabeth Posts: 1,580Member Member Posts: 1,580Member Member
    It's never acceptable but people will always do unacceptable things.
    I'm still laughing at the long stare while stuffing food in your open mouth suggestion. I'm definitely going to do that next time someone comments on my food choices
  • newmeadownewmeadow Posts: 830Member Member Posts: 830Member Member
    20 times within 24 hours? After the 5th comment I would have left. Abruptly. Not kidding.
  • lemmie177lemmie177 Posts: 478Member Member Posts: 478Member Member
    I still have 1 question though - why is it socially acceptable to comment on "healthier" choices or "healthier" peoples cheats (I know there's such thing as healthy or unhealthy food its just a term) - and yet if those healthy people were to ever fire back with comments about an obese persons food, they'd be seen as rude? Personally I think both are kinda rude, but why is one of them perfectly ok in today's society and the other makes you a *kitten*?

    This isn't a whine, its a legitimate question I have.

    Whenever you're perceived to be 'higher up' on the social ladder, consider it open season on you in terms of what's 'socially acceptable'. Same thing happens in comedy. Doesn't make it right, but that's how it is.

  • CSARdiverCSARdiver Posts: 5,374Member Member Posts: 5,374Member Member
    lemmie177 wrote: »
    I still have 1 question though - why is it socially acceptable to comment on "healthier" choices or "healthier" peoples cheats (I know there's such thing as healthy or unhealthy food its just a term) - and yet if those healthy people were to ever fire back with comments about an obese persons food, they'd be seen as rude? Personally I think both are kinda rude, but why is one of them perfectly ok in today's society and the other makes you a *kitten*?

    This isn't a whine, its a legitimate question I have.

    Whenever you're perceived to be 'higher up' on the social ladder, consider it open season on you in terms of what's 'socially acceptable'. Same thing happens in comedy. Doesn't make it right, but that's how it is.

    This cannot last for long and this "system" is eating itself before our eyes.
  • SaintGiffSaintGiff Posts: 3,324Member Member Posts: 3,324Member Member
    *kitten* comments about what is on your plate can be annoying, but I think I topped that one last week. I am a freelance consultant who usually contracts with different institutions for 3 to six months at a time. I am on month three of my present contract and last week I came into work in a fairly good mood. I was standing chatting with my boss and a few colleagues and said something positive which, granted, is a bit unlike me. Anyway, my boss looked at me and said "I don't know what you put in your steroids this morning, but keep doing it". I just stood there for a moment processing that. I mean, what?
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