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How to deal with comments
Replies
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youcantflexcardio wrote: »Ok, some decent responses, we've established that I'm being a whiny little *kitten* lately, I'm going to stop now. I see I've brought some some stuff on myself by not exactly being private about myeal prepped thing.
I still have 1 question though - why is it socially acceptable to comment on "healthier" choices or "healthier" peoples cheats (I know there's such thing as healthy or unhealthy food its just a term) - and yet if those healthy people were to ever fire back with comments about an obese persons food, they'd be seen as rude? Personally I think both are kinda rude, but why is one of them perfectly ok in today's society and the other makes you a *kitten*?
This isn't a whine, its a legitimate question I have.
Some of it, IMO, is that certain people will see it as OK to poke fun at someone about their new, healthier habits because healthier habits are perceived as a good and positive thing, so social teasing about it seems like jocular, friendly behavior to them. OTOH, teasing someone about things generally seen as unhealthy behaviors is more or less universally seen as a jerk move.
We see a lot of people here describe themselves, because they're overweight, as disgusting, ugly, of bad character because they can't resist eating and don't work out (weak, lazy, are among self-perceptions). Who would tease a person about something that so many people feel so very bad about already? Jerk move.
OTOH, I can't think of a case, here or real world, where someone's described themselves as a terrible, disgusting human being because they ate too nutritiously, or had an excellent physique, or were strong/fast/etc. because of working out. (It may happen, but it's sure not common. Every once in a while someone worries that they've become obsessed with diet/exercise in a negative way, but even that's kind of unusual.) Teasing someone about habits that they (and pretty much everyone else) perceive as positive . . . doesn't seem like a huge social transgression, to a lot of people.
That's true even if the teaser doesn't personally have those good habits, and the likelihood of the teasing may increase because when people feel uncomfortable, we often turn to humor to defuse the discomfort. You're getting thin and fit, a good thing. If your friends feel like they should be doing those good things, and aren't, that's the discomfort. Teasing you about your positive habit is a way to release that tension (I'm not saying it's a good way, BTW.)
If someone is truly worried about another's food/workout behavior, the non-jerk move is to talk to them one on one in a concerned, loving way. (Though in your case, the preceding posts suggest you do better if someone calls you out like a retired DI?)
BTW, one thing some of us are saying, that you don't seem to be picking up, is that whether you eye-roll or snap back at someone who says things you dislike, or do nothing at all externally, the anger spike, the stress, the blood pressure rise, are doing you no good at all, and may be long-term, in small ways, harmful to you. Controlling one's behavior is important. Controlling one's attitude - not hiding it, but learning to manage it productively from the inside, is a pretty good thing, too.15 -
I am diabetic and I will have commentary on what I eat the rest of my life. I get comments about medication, machines and food. You just have to remember not everyone can understand and either brush it off or help them understand. It's best not to get angry. You're doing this for you!3
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youcantflexcardio wrote: »Ok, some decent responses, we've established that I'm being a whiny little *kitten* lately, I'm going to stop now. I see I've brought some some stuff on myself by not exactly being private about myeal prepped thing.
I still have 1 question though - why is it socially acceptable to comment on "healthier" choices or "healthier" peoples cheats (I know there's such thing as healthy or unhealthy food its just a term) - and yet if those healthy people were to ever fire back with comments about an obese persons food, they'd be seen as rude? Personally I think both are kinda rude, but why is one of them perfectly ok in today's society and the other makes you a *kitten*?
This isn't a whine, its a legitimate question I have.
It's not ok as far as I'm concerned, but it happens regularly and I don't see it stopping anytime soon. I get comments regularly from my family because I'm the only person (immediate family and extended) that isn't overweight and who exercises regularly. No, I don't talk about it at all unless someone asks me a direct question.
I just follow the "treat others how you want to be treated" rule and I don't comment on their food choices. Comments about mine or how I spend my free time are ignored unless they are particularly rude or offensive. Then I speak up immediately. I don't care about hurting feelings if they are being hurtful to me first.2 -
youcantflexcardio wrote: »Ok, some decent responses, we've established that I'm being a whiny little *kitten* lately, I'm going to stop now. I see I've brought some some stuff on myself by not exactly being private about myeal prepped thing.
I still have 1 question though - why is it socially acceptable to comment on "healthier" choices or "healthier" peoples cheats (I know there's such thing as healthy or unhealthy food its just a term) - and yet if those healthy people were to ever fire back with comments about an obese persons food, they'd be seen as rude? Personally I think both are kinda rude, but why is one of them perfectly ok in today's society and the other makes you a *kitten*?
This isn't a whine, its a legitimate question I have.
It is rude to make unsolicited negative comments on another person's food or give unsolicted advice no matter the person's level of weight, health or fitness. People do make negative comments to obese people about their food or exercise often.
If someone is being rude you can ignore them, explain to them they are being rude/offensive or respond in kind with rude comments of your own.
.You seem very sensitive and defensive about certain things. Some people like to push other people's buttons. The more reaction you give the happier they will probably be.
I was taught simple rules like do unto others as you would have done unto you and two wrongs don't make a right. It is a fair guideline still for social interactions.1 -
Echoing OP, I've found the phrase "I do what I want" to be my favorite retort. You can use it in response to almost anything. Anyone who criticizes your choices doesn't understand what you're doing--and I personally prefer not to have to explain it.2
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youcantflexcardio wrote: »Ok, some decent responses, we've established that I'm being a whiny little *kitten* lately, I'm going to stop now. I see I've brought some some stuff on myself by not exactly being private about myeal prepped thing.
I still have 1 question though - why is it socially acceptable to comment on "healthier" choices or "healthier" peoples cheats (I know there's such thing as healthy or unhealthy food its just a term) - and yet if those healthy people were to ever fire back with comments about an obese persons food, they'd be seen as rude? Personally I think both are kinda rude, but why is one of them perfectly ok in today's society and the other makes you a *kitten*?
This isn't a whine, its a legitimate question I have.
It’s not acceptable in either situation but it absolutely happens a lot to obese people (just peruse these forums for thread after thread judging people who eat fast food/buy ice cream cookies/etc.). It absolutely happens in person too.
However. I think in your case, the commentary is largely because of the spectacle you’ve made of your eating and not the actual contents of your food containers.
Millions of people “food prep” whether or not they are doing anything special for fitness. Millions of people bring their own food to work (“good” food or otherwise). Millions of people eat frequently for a variety of reasons (medical issues, preference, etc.). Most of them do so without preamble and just go about their business.
You’ve chosen to make all this extremely public. Therefore it is fodder for the masses. People don’t comment on tthings they don’t notice.
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I make sure I am seen with beer and a bag of pork rinds in my hand at all times, so that whenever someone asks what my secret is I just hold out both. If they ask questions I shush them and instruct them to have a rind and hand them a beer.17
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We must have different types of friends. Mine would encourage me while trying to lose, but would not comment if I happened to slip. Since most of my gatherings revolve around BBQ, Motorcycles, Cigars and Bourbon it don't really matter.7
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Duck_Puddle wrote: »youcantflexcardio wrote: »Ok, some decent responses, we've established that I'm being a whiny little *kitten* lately, I'm going to stop now. I see I've brought some some stuff on myself by not exactly being private about myeal prepped thing.
I still have 1 question though - why is it socially acceptable to comment on "healthier" choices or "healthier" peoples cheats (I know there's such thing as healthy or unhealthy food its just a term) - and yet if those healthy people were to ever fire back with comments about an obese persons food, they'd be seen as rude? Personally I think both are kinda rude, but why is one of them perfectly ok in today's society and the other makes you a *kitten*?
This isn't a whine, its a legitimate question I have.
It’s not acceptable in either situation but it absolutely happens a lot to obese people (just peruse these forums for thread after thread judging people who eat fast food/buy ice cream cookies/etc.). It absolutely happens in person too.
However. I think in your case, the commentary is largely because of the spectacle you’ve made of your eating and not the actual contents of your food containers.
Millions of people “food prep” whether or not they are doing anything special for fitness. Millions of people bring their own food to work (“good” food or otherwise). Millions of people eat frequently for a variety of reasons (medical issues, preference, etc.). Most of them do so without preamble and just go about their business.
You’ve chosen to make all this extremely public. Therefore it is fodder for the masses. People don’t comment on tthings they don’t notice.
Nope... I think a lot of people notice what you are eating. I get comments all the time. Sometimes I even will eat junk just to not get noticed or to fit in. I have co-workers who sneak off to another room to eat their burgers and fries even though I have NEVER commented on their food.
I have no answers for what to say. It always takes me off guard when people comment, and I am just minding my own business trying to enjoy my lunch.0 -
carolyn000000 wrote: »Duck_Puddle wrote: »youcantflexcardio wrote: »Ok, some decent responses, we've established that I'm being a whiny little *kitten* lately, I'm going to stop now. I see I've brought some some stuff on myself by not exactly being private about myeal prepped thing.
I still have 1 question though - why is it socially acceptable to comment on "healthier" choices or "healthier" peoples cheats (I know there's such thing as healthy or unhealthy food its just a term) - and yet if those healthy people were to ever fire back with comments about an obese persons food, they'd be seen as rude? Personally I think both are kinda rude, but why is one of them perfectly ok in today's society and the other makes you a *kitten*?
This isn't a whine, its a legitimate question I have.
It’s not acceptable in either situation but it absolutely happens a lot to obese people (just peruse these forums for thread after thread judging people who eat fast food/buy ice cream cookies/etc.). It absolutely happens in person too.
However. I think in your case, the commentary is largely because of the spectacle you’ve made of your eating and not the actual contents of your food containers.
Millions of people “food prep” whether or not they are doing anything special for fitness. Millions of people bring their own food to work (“good” food or otherwise). Millions of people eat frequently for a variety of reasons (medical issues, preference, etc.). Most of them do so without preamble and just go about their business.
You’ve chosen to make all this extremely public. Therefore it is fodder for the masses. People don’t comment on tthings they don’t notice.
Nope... I think a lot of people notice what you are eating. I get comments all the time. Sometimes I even will eat junk just to not get noticed or to fit in. I have co-workers who sneak off to another room to eat their burgers and fries even though I have NEVER commented on their food.
I have no answers for what to say. It always takes me off guard when people comment, and I am just minding my own business trying to enjoy my lunch.
I'm not personally criticizing you so please don't take offense but I don't think this is a good thing to do. First, you don't need to "fit in". You make your choices regardless of the baseless opinions of others.
Think of some comments ahead of time so that you'll be prepared. You'll probably feel better afterwards for standing up for yourself. I have plenty of responses to unsolicited comments but most would be offensive so I only use them if absolutely necessary.1 -
I really think you take peoples comments especially your friends comments too seriously, between this thread and your other one.
I'm cutting and I had a piece of pizza and my friend said something to the effect of "I thought you were on a diet". Now I could have gotten upset about that and assigned negative intent to it but...First this is my friend I think she meant well, secondly perhaps she thinks I must eat salads for every meal? So I simply said yeah I'm eating a piece of pizza with a side salad and my fitiness trainer (who is a strenth trainer with several folks competing) has access to my food diary, he's ok with it. That usually either promotes more questions (I have only a select few friends that know I'm cutting) or stops the conversation because they know I'm watching it.
I really think you need to losen up a bit about putting intentions on other peoples comments for your own sake and friendships. You've worked hard you have something that works for you and that's fantastic. Others are not you, they make comments because perhaps they really are surprised you're eating something "not healthy", maybe they are ribbing you a bit since you eat differently than they do.
Lastly I don't talk about my diet except with very few friends who are supportive and on here. They make strange comments from time to time but honestly I don't give a rats *kitten* what they think. I know what my plan is I'm paying for an excellent trainer who's got a handle on my progress. Just assign a well meaning intention and move on or laugh it off.
tl;dr - you can't control what other people think and say, you can only control your reaction to it.
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carolyn000000 wrote: »Duck_Puddle wrote: »youcantflexcardio wrote: »Ok, some decent responses, we've established that I'm being a whiny little *kitten* lately, I'm going to stop now. I see I've brought some some stuff on myself by not exactly being private about myeal prepped thing.
I still have 1 question though - why is it socially acceptable to comment on "healthier" choices or "healthier" peoples cheats (I know there's such thing as healthy or unhealthy food its just a term) - and yet if those healthy people were to ever fire back with comments about an obese persons food, they'd be seen as rude? Personally I think both are kinda rude, but why is one of them perfectly ok in today's society and the other makes you a *kitten*?
This isn't a whine, its a legitimate question I have.
It’s not acceptable in either situation but it absolutely happens a lot to obese people (just peruse these forums for thread after thread judging people who eat fast food/buy ice cream cookies/etc.). It absolutely happens in person too.
However. I think in your case, the commentary is largely because of the spectacle you’ve made of your eating and not the actual contents of your food containers.
Millions of people “food prep” whether or not they are doing anything special for fitness. Millions of people bring their own food to work (“good” food or otherwise). Millions of people eat frequently for a variety of reasons (medical issues, preference, etc.). Most of them do so without preamble and just go about their business.
You’ve chosen to make all this extremely public. Therefore it is fodder for the masses. People don’t comment on tthings they don’t notice.
Nope... I think a lot of people notice what you are eating. I get comments all the time. Sometimes I even will eat junk just to not get noticed or to fit in. I have co-workers who sneak off to another room to eat their burgers and fries even though I have NEVER commented on their food.
I have no answers for what to say. It always takes me off guard when people comment, and I am just minding my own business trying to enjoy my lunch.
I'm not personally criticizing you so please don't take offense but I don't think this is a good thing to do. First, you don't need to "fit in". You make your choices regardless of the baseless opinions of others.
Think of some comments ahead of time so that you'll be prepared. You'll probably feel better afterwards for standing up for yourself. I have plenty of responses to unsolicited comments but most would be offensive so I only use them if absolutely necessary.
Oh no I agree with you totally. I just work with all morbidly obese people. I stick out like a sore thumb and like to blend in sometimes. However, after three years, two of them are starting to losing weight, and I even got them on MFP!4 -
carolyn000000 wrote: »carolyn000000 wrote: »Duck_Puddle wrote: »youcantflexcardio wrote: »Ok, some decent responses, we've established that I'm being a whiny little *kitten* lately, I'm going to stop now. I see I've brought some some stuff on myself by not exactly being private about myeal prepped thing.
I still have 1 question though - why is it socially acceptable to comment on "healthier" choices or "healthier" peoples cheats (I know there's such thing as healthy or unhealthy food its just a term) - and yet if those healthy people were to ever fire back with comments about an obese persons food, they'd be seen as rude? Personally I think both are kinda rude, but why is one of them perfectly ok in today's society and the other makes you a *kitten*?
This isn't a whine, its a legitimate question I have.
It’s not acceptable in either situation but it absolutely happens a lot to obese people (just peruse these forums for thread after thread judging people who eat fast food/buy ice cream cookies/etc.). It absolutely happens in person too.
However. I think in your case, the commentary is largely because of the spectacle you’ve made of your eating and not the actual contents of your food containers.
Millions of people “food prep” whether or not they are doing anything special for fitness. Millions of people bring their own food to work (“good” food or otherwise). Millions of people eat frequently for a variety of reasons (medical issues, preference, etc.). Most of them do so without preamble and just go about their business.
You’ve chosen to make all this extremely public. Therefore it is fodder for the masses. People don’t comment on tthings they don’t notice.
Nope... I think a lot of people notice what you are eating. I get comments all the time. Sometimes I even will eat junk just to not get noticed or to fit in. I have co-workers who sneak off to another room to eat their burgers and fries even though I have NEVER commented on their food.
I have no answers for what to say. It always takes me off guard when people comment, and I am just minding my own business trying to enjoy my lunch.
I'm not personally criticizing you so please don't take offense but I don't think this is a good thing to do. First, you don't need to "fit in". You make your choices regardless of the baseless opinions of others.
Think of some comments ahead of time so that you'll be prepared. You'll probably feel better afterwards for standing up for yourself. I have plenty of responses to unsolicited comments but most would be offensive so I only use them if absolutely necessary.
Oh no I agree with you totally. I just work with all morbidly obese people. I stick out like a sore thumb and like to blend in sometimes. However, after three years, two of them are starting to losing weight, and I even got them on MFP!
Good for you! Lead by example. Excellent. Hopefully they'll stick with it.0 -
leanjogreen18 wrote: »I really think you take peoples comments especially your friends comments too seriously, between this thread and your other one.
I'm cutting and I had a piece of pizza and my friend said something to the effect of "I thought you were on a diet". Now I could have gotten upset about that and assigned negative intent to it but...First this is my friend I think she meant well, secondly perhaps she thinks I must eat salads for every meal? So I simply said yeah I'm eating a piece of pizza with a side salad and my fitiness trainer (who is a strenth trainer with several folks competing) has access to my food diary, he's ok with it. That usually either promotes more questions (I have only a select few friends that know I'm cutting) or stops the conversation because they know I'm watching it.
I really think you need to losen up a bit about putting intentions on other peoples comments for your own sake and friendships. You've worked hard you have something that works for you and that's fantastic. Others are not you, they make comments because perhaps they really are surprised you're eating something "not healthy", maybe they are ribbing you a bit since you eat differently than they do.
Lastly I don't talk about my diet except with very few friends who are supportive and on here. They make strange comments from time to time but honestly I don't give a rats *kitten* what they think. I know what my plan is I'm paying for an excellent trainer who's got a handle on my progress. Just assign a well meaning intention and move on or laugh it off.
tl;dr - you can't control what other people think and say, you can only control your reaction to it.
In the spirit of not whining, I can agree with most of what you say. When I was at a concert and my friends wife said "you know they don't serve protien shakes here, I hope you brought your own", that was actually really damn funny. That's friendly ribbing and I'm ok with it.
That said, there is a difference between friendly ribbing and/or innocent comments, and snide remarks disguised as ribbing. Not a lot of people make those, but there's a couple people who eat really unhealthy/drink a lot and are pretty overweight, and I actually seem to get the most flak from them. It's not ribbing anymore - it legitimately seems to irritate them that I moderately drink, cut weight, workout, lift, eat a meal plan etc. And trust me, I'm not trying to flaunt anything there - some of them live with me. Can't really hide the fact that my steak gets weighed when there's a food scale on the counter.
Edit: and no, I don't talk about eating or working out or anything at home, at all. I come here to do that, or talk to my friends/family who do train about this stuff.2 -
youcantflexcardio wrote: »Ok, some decent responses, we've established that I'm being a whiny little *kitten* lately, I'm going to stop now. I see I've brought some some stuff on myself by not exactly being private about myeal prepped thing.
I still have 1 question though - why is it socially acceptable to comment on "healthier" choices or "healthier" peoples cheats (I know there's such thing as healthy or unhealthy food its just a term) - and yet if those healthy people were to ever fire back with comments about an obese persons food, they'd be seen as rude? Personally I think both are kinda rude, but why is one of them perfectly ok in today's society and the other makes you a *kitten*?
This isn't a whine, its a legitimate question I have.
FWIW, I didn't read this as a whine.
I have noticed that too - but then again, now it's socially acceptable for people to comment "ew bArF ThAt'S sO gRoSs!" about more muscular physiques (especially on females), "ewwww VeInS R YUCKY" or "U lOoK LiKe a mAn wItH AlL tHe mUsClEs" (sorry, trying to type in the most obviously knuckle-dragging, mouth-breathing way possible here). Somehow, negative comments about fit/strong/healthy bodies is perfectly OK, but may the Good Lord protect anyone who is even PERCEIVED to be "body shaming" anyone who is overweight.
At my work, there is one group of women (thank you Eight Pound, Six Ounce, Newborn Baby Jesus I'm the only female on my shift so all my immediate co-workers are guys) who are all extremely overweight (think 100+ pounds, one of them was over 8 months pregnant and some people didn't even realize it) and I hear negative comments about my body, food, gym schedule, etc, daily. *shrugs* not a clue.
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TheRoadDog wrote: »We must have different types of friends. Mine would encourage me while trying to lose, but would not comment if I happened to slip. Since most of my gatherings revolve around BBQ, Motorcycles, Cigars and Bourbon it don't really matter.
You sir are living your life right!
(as long as the bourbon & motorcycles aren't enjoyed simultaneously, of course).
VFR800 rider here. keep the rubber side down brother!0 -
youcantflexcardio wrote: »Ok, some decent responses, we've established that I'm being a whiny little *kitten* lately, I'm going to stop now. I see I've brought some some stuff on myself by not exactly being private about myeal prepped thing.
I still have 1 question though - why is it socially acceptable to comment on "healthier" choices or "healthier" peoples cheats (I know there's such thing as healthy or unhealthy food its just a term) - and yet if those healthy people were to ever fire back with comments about an obese persons food, they'd be seen as rude? Personally I think both are kinda rude, but why is one of them perfectly ok in today's society and the other makes you a *kitten*?
This isn't a whine, its a legitimate question I have.
FWIW, I didn't read this as a whine.
I have noticed that too - but then again, now it's socially acceptable for people to comment "ew bArF ThAt'S sO gRoSs!" about more muscular physiques (especially on females), "ewwww VeInS R YUCKY" or "U lOoK LiKe a mAn wItH AlL tHe mUsClEs" (sorry, trying to type in the most obviously knuckle-dragging, mouth-breathing way possible here). Somehow, negative comments about fit/strong/healthy bodies is perfectly OK, but may the Good Lord protect anyone who is even PERCEIVED to be "body shaming" anyone who is overweight.
At my work, there is one group of women (thank you Eight Pound, Six Ounce, Newborn Baby Jesus I'm the only female on my shift so all my immediate co-workers are guys) who are all extremely overweight (think 100+ pounds, one of them was over 8 months pregnant and some people didn't even realize it) and I hear negative comments about my body, food, gym schedule, etc, daily. *shrugs* not a clue.
You know, might be a bit self centered but I didn't even think about women who lift weights. That's got to be a whole different set of BS comments to deal with. I happen to think Paige Hathaway is gorgeous and Annie Thorissdottr has the sexiest legs on the planet, but I'm well aware I'm in the minority there. I think fit & strong looks better than fat or skinnny regardless of gender. It's what the human body was made for.1 -
youcantflexcardio wrote: »Ok, some decent responses, we've established that I'm being a whiny little *kitten* lately, I'm going to stop now. I see I've brought some some stuff on myself by not exactly being private about myeal prepped thing.
I still have 1 question though - why is it socially acceptable to comment on "healthier" choices or "healthier" peoples cheats (I know there's such thing as healthy or unhealthy food its just a term) - and yet if those healthy people were to ever fire back with comments about an obese persons food, they'd be seen as rude? Personally I think both are kinda rude, but why is one of them perfectly ok in today's society and the other makes you a *kitten*?
This isn't a whine, its a legitimate question I have.
It's not OK to comment about what other people are eating, or how they're eating it. It's generally also considered rude to directly point out to people that they're being rude, so they tend to get away with their rude comments about food and eating. I have on the rare occasion, when the comments and discussion over my eating had gone on for a while and my irritation level was rising, made the remark,"I always thought it was considered rude to comment on what people are eating." Note, I didn't directly tell the person speaking that they were being rude. And my tone was what I would use if I were trying to change the topic with a remark about the weather, like, "Oh, look, I think it might be going to rain." But it's been very effective the few times I've used it -- it has even elicited an apology or two.
I don't think that society in general treats remarks about the things eaten by healthy or obese people all that differently, but that's my experience. I think our perceptions are all influenced by our individual circumstances -- we're all far more likely to notice comments directed to ourselves, comments that bother us, and comments that fit our existing world view than we are to notice comments directed at other people, comments that don't bother us, and comments that are inconsistent with our existing world view. In my experience, people can make comments about the food that obese people eat without being viewed as a *kitten*, so long as they don't accompany it by a direct and rude comment on the person's obesity, such as, "Do you really think you should be eating that, considering that you're already a fat cow?" Are the people making comments to you actually insulting you?
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lynn_glenmont wrote: »youcantflexcardio wrote: »Ok, some decent responses, we've established that I'm being a whiny little *kitten* lately, I'm going to stop now. I see I've brought some some stuff on myself by not exactly being private about myeal prepped thing.
I still have 1 question though - why is it socially acceptable to comment on "healthier" choices or "healthier" peoples cheats (I know there's such thing as healthy or unhealthy food its just a term) - and yet if those healthy people were to ever fire back with comments about an obese persons food, they'd be seen as rude? Personally I think both are kinda rude, but why is one of them perfectly ok in today's society and the other makes you a *kitten*?
This isn't a whine, its a legitimate question I have.
It's not OK to comment about what other people are eating, or how they're eating it. It's generally also considered rude to directly point out to people that they're being rude, so they tend to get away with their rude comments about food and eating. I have on the rare occasion, when the comments and discussion over my eating had gone on for a while and my irritation level was rising, made the remark,"I always thought it was considered rude to comment on what people are eating." Note, I didn't directly tell the person speaking that they were being rude. And my tone was what I would use if I were trying to change the topic with a remark about the weather, like, "Oh, look, I think it might be going to rain." But it's been very effective the few times I've used it -- it has even elicited an apology or two.
I don't think that society in general treats remarks about the things eaten by healthy or obese people all that differently, but that's my experience. I think our perceptions are all influenced by our individual circumstances -- we're all far more likely to notice comments directed to ourselves, comments that bother us, and comments that fit our existing world view than we are to notice comments directed at other people, comments that don't bother us, and comments that are inconsistent with our existing world view. In my experience, people can make comments about the food that obese people eat without being viewed as a *kitten*, so long as they don't accompany it by a direct and rude comment on the person's obesity, such as, "Do you really think you should be eating that, considering that you're already a fat cow?" Are the people making comments to you actually insulting you?
Meh, not really insulting, just irritating. Might be some vieled insults from a couple of people, but whatever. I'm just gonna do me. People can say what they want - if what I do bothers them that's their problem not mine.0 -
Long term behavior & habits vastly outweigh infrequent, sporadic choices done once in a blue moon...
A few doses of "toxic" holiday food each year is not going to kill you or make you a hippocrate3 -
Earlier in the day on Christmas Eve one of my parents’ friends was over as I was making myself lunch. I had emptied a bag of salad into a big bowl and was getting some vegetables ready to put in when she noticed the bowl. She had a conniption when she saw the amount of lettuce I was going to eat. Apparently a bag of lettuce (at a whopping 55 calories, btw) is “outrageous.” She went on and on and was in disbelief about what a “huge,” “humongous” salad it was and was “shocked” I was going to eat the whole thing. For perspective, I’m an active, 5’9”, 25 year old female with a BMI of 21. My mom was standing there ready to defend me since a few years ago I was battling anorexia and bulimia and those comments would have been a definite trigger. My only responses were along the lines of “yes,” “yep” and “I like salad.” But inside I had to work to keep myself from firing off some snarky comments. I don’t know what she was trying to do. It seemed like she was trying to make me feel bad about it. A salad! The entire thing was like, 300 calories. So I don’t have any advice, but I agree it’s annoying af when someone offers unsolicited and unwelcome comments about my food. She eventually stopped because I refused to engage but it was a damn long 90 seconds.
ETA: I didn’t read the entire thread so this is meant to be a direct reply to the OP.8 -
It's never acceptable but people will always do unacceptable things.
I'm still laughing at the long stare while stuffing food in your open mouth suggestion. I'm definitely going to do that next time someone comments on my food choices4 -
20 times within 24 hours? After the 5th comment I would have left. Abruptly. Not kidding.1
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youcantflexcardio wrote: »I still have 1 question though - why is it socially acceptable to comment on "healthier" choices or "healthier" peoples cheats (I know there's such thing as healthy or unhealthy food its just a term) - and yet if those healthy people were to ever fire back with comments about an obese persons food, they'd be seen as rude? Personally I think both are kinda rude, but why is one of them perfectly ok in today's society and the other makes you a *kitten*?
This isn't a whine, its a legitimate question I have.
Whenever you're perceived to be 'higher up' on the social ladder, consider it open season on you in terms of what's 'socially acceptable'. Same thing happens in comedy. Doesn't make it right, but that's how it is.
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youcantflexcardio wrote: »I still have 1 question though - why is it socially acceptable to comment on "healthier" choices or "healthier" peoples cheats (I know there's such thing as healthy or unhealthy food its just a term) - and yet if those healthy people were to ever fire back with comments about an obese persons food, they'd be seen as rude? Personally I think both are kinda rude, but why is one of them perfectly ok in today's society and the other makes you a *kitten*?
This isn't a whine, its a legitimate question I have.
Whenever you're perceived to be 'higher up' on the social ladder, consider it open season on you in terms of what's 'socially acceptable'. Same thing happens in comedy. Doesn't make it right, but that's how it is.
This cannot last for long and this "system" is eating itself before our eyes.4 -
I'm gonna push back on those who have said that the OP is being too unusual in his behavior and involving other people. Meal prepping and timing meals is not unusual in many areas. Eating any vegetable that isn't fried is unusual in other areas. When I buy fresh vegetables at the grocery, the checker often asks me what they taste like, because she has never seen anyone purchase a vegetable before. Seriously. I have spoken with the guy in charge of the vegetable department at my Kroger and they toss thousands of pounds of vegetables daily. I had to speak to him about kale, because it was advertised but never available. And it turned out the meat department was stealing the entire shipment to line their display cases since "No one buys that stuff anyway."
It's all contextual. In the context of my city, wearing running clothes to actually run, wanting to eat at a restaurant which has even one meal less than 1500 calories available, not thinking a "salad" should be composed of 80% cheese and sugared pecans, all these things make me a weirdo. Guess what. I'm not changing, not for a whole basketful of kittens. The OP doesn't have to change either, and the comments being made are rude and invasive personal comments.
OP, there are several ways to handle rude personal comments. One is to smile distantly and pretend to be deaf. Keep smiling and remain deaf until the questioner shuts up and gets a clue. Another one is to say "That's a very personal comment," and nothing else.
Another approach, the one I usually take, is to smile brightly and say, "Yes, my lifestyle allows for planned treats. Pretty great, isn't it? By the way I love this hors d'oeuvre, try one."
However, I'd be tempted, given the relentless battering you have described, to suggest that you SHOULD explain your choices to them. In detail. Very precise detail, with each choice and your reasoning and the research behind it outlined. Do not give up when their eyes glaze over and they start to edge towards the exit. Follow your tormentors around explaining. Follow them to their car and stand talking to them through the car window while they smile in increasing desperation. I guarantee they will never ask similar questions again.10 -
youcantflexcardio wrote: »I still have 1 question though - why is it socially acceptable to comment on "healthier" choices or "healthier" peoples cheats (I know there's such thing as healthy or unhealthy food its just a term) - and yet if those healthy people were to ever fire back with comments about an obese persons food, they'd be seen as rude? Personally I think both are kinda rude, but why is one of them perfectly ok in today's society and the other makes you a *kitten*?
This isn't a whine, its a legitimate question I have.
Whenever you're perceived to be 'higher up' on the social ladder, consider it open season on you in terms of what's 'socially acceptable'. Same thing happens in comedy. Doesn't make it right, but that's how it is.
This is certainly true, and the reason it's not unusual for someone to say, "Look at you, you're so skinny, you're wasting away!" and mean it as a compliment, while "Oh gosh, you really porked up over the holidays, didn't you?" would be completely beyond the pale.
Scott Adams, the creator of Dilbert, once talked about this in the context of Dogbert. Sometimes Dogbert grabs a stick and beats human characters with it. It's funny when a dog beats a human. But some human character beating Dogbert would be animal abuse. In comedy always punch up, never down.9 -
Honestly.... people probably just don't know what else to talk with you about.... they probably could care less what you are eating in the moment. I just don't think people sit around caring what other people eat that much. The comments they make are normally just an attempt at conversation with you.
Change the subject...be interesting on other levels. Take interest in others... wind them up and let them talk. I'm betting that they are just trying to connect with you. I always talk about the thing I know to talk about with someone. For example, my bestie's husband is a musician... and on a normal basis I have nothing to discuss with him. So I ask him about his music like 90 % of the time... cause I know it's something he likes. Not because I'm actually that eager to know how his album in coming along-- I really don't care that much. It's just a point of connection.7 -
EASY...........................if they say "you're eating ..........?" just say ......................."YEP" and smile and flex.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
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*kitten* comments about what is on your plate can be annoying, but I think I topped that one last week. I am a freelance consultant who usually contracts with different institutions for 3 to six months at a time. I am on month three of my present contract and last week I came into work in a fairly good mood. I was standing chatting with my boss and a few colleagues and said something positive which, granted, is a bit unlike me. Anyway, my boss looked at me and said "I don't know what you put in your steroids this morning, but keep doing it". I just stood there for a moment processing that. I mean, what?4
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