Please take it easy on the "Resolutioners"
Chocolate_is_my_Kryptonite
Posts: 132 Member
There is this trend to look down at the hoards of new faces that enter the gym during the first part of the year. This 4th day of January I am asking that we don't take the usual stance and be kind to the "resolutioners". I would venture to guess that we all didn't come out of the womb in perfect tip top physical shape and had to start at some point.
The people that are making these decisions to change their situation for the better should not be looked down upon, but embraced and brought into a healthy life. There are the ones that aren't serious but I would think that the majority of these people come into the gym really wanting to make a change for the better and it is intimidating to walk into a gym as an overweight unhealthy person and see all of the men and women that have been there working for a long time. You have to work out next to these people that have bodies that look like they may as well have been chiseled from stone and you are sitting there with your too tight t shirt showing the rolls you are trying to get rid of and maybe trying out a new workout that you have never done before while feeling the judging glare from someone you can only dream about looking half way as good as.
So please in this 2019 if you see a new face in the gym can we just say hello? Or if they look lost try to point them in the right direction? Maybe give them a spot if they are struggling or some tips on their form in a friendly manner. This might lead to a positive experience in the gym and maybe next year they will be able to lend a hand to the next class of "resolutioners".
The people that are making these decisions to change their situation for the better should not be looked down upon, but embraced and brought into a healthy life. There are the ones that aren't serious but I would think that the majority of these people come into the gym really wanting to make a change for the better and it is intimidating to walk into a gym as an overweight unhealthy person and see all of the men and women that have been there working for a long time. You have to work out next to these people that have bodies that look like they may as well have been chiseled from stone and you are sitting there with your too tight t shirt showing the rolls you are trying to get rid of and maybe trying out a new workout that you have never done before while feeling the judging glare from someone you can only dream about looking half way as good as.
So please in this 2019 if you see a new face in the gym can we just say hello? Or if they look lost try to point them in the right direction? Maybe give them a spot if they are struggling or some tips on their form in a friendly manner. This might lead to a positive experience in the gym and maybe next year they will be able to lend a hand to the next class of "resolutioners".
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Replies
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Well put! You really sum up how it feels to be a newbie in a gym.
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Chocolate_is_my_Kryptonite wrote: »There is this trend to look down at the hoards of new faces that enter the gym during the first part of the year. This 4th day of January I am asking that we don't take the usual stance and be kind to the "resolutioners". I would venture to guess that we all didn't come out of the womb in perfect tip top physical shape and had to start at some point.
The people that are making these decisions to change their situation for the better should not be looked down upon, but embraced and brought into a healthy life. There are the ones that aren't serious but I would think that the majority of these people come into the gym really wanting to make a change for the better and it is intimidating to walk into a gym as an overweight unhealthy person and see all of the men and women that have been there working for a long time. You have to work out next to these people that have bodies that look like they may as well have been chiseled from stone and you are sitting there with your too tight t shirt showing the rolls you are trying to get rid of and maybe trying out a new workout that you have never done before while feeling the judging glare from someone you can only dream about looking half way as good as.
So please in this 2019 if you see a new face in the gym can we just say hello? Or if they look lost try to point them in the right direction? Maybe give them a spot if they are struggling or some tips on their form in a friendly manner. This might lead to a positive experience in the gym and maybe next year they will be able to lend a hand to the next class of "resolutioners".
I don't know where you're getting this "looking down at" and "judging glare" stuff from, unless you're projecting your own feelings on others. It's certainly not the attitude I have encountered in decades at all kinds of gyms (and I have never been close to "chiseled" myself), and it's not the attitude I've encountered on the discussion boards here, either.
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Very well put, as a serial starter I can tell you that it can be very intimidation for someone especially those not comfortable in their skin to go to the gym. They are paying to go and just because you have been going much longer they have all the right to be there. Gyms are not Exclusive1
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lynn_glenmont wrote: »Chocolate_is_my_Kryptonite wrote: »There is this trend to look down at the hoards of new faces that enter the gym during the first part of the year. This 4th day of January I am asking that we don't take the usual stance and be kind to the "resolutioners". I would venture to guess that we all didn't come out of the womb in perfect tip top physical shape and had to start at some point.
The people that are making these decisions to change their situation for the better should not be looked down upon, but embraced and brought into a healthy life. There are the ones that aren't serious but I would think that the majority of these people come into the gym really wanting to make a change for the better and it is intimidating to walk into a gym as an overweight unhealthy person and see all of the men and women that have been there working for a long time. You have to work out next to these people that have bodies that look like they may as well have been chiseled from stone and you are sitting there with your too tight t shirt showing the rolls you are trying to get rid of and maybe trying out a new workout that you have never done before while feeling the judging glare from someone you can only dream about looking half way as good as.
So please in this 2019 if you see a new face in the gym can we just say hello? Or if they look lost try to point them in the right direction? Maybe give them a spot if they are struggling or some tips on their form in a friendly manner. This might lead to a positive experience in the gym and maybe next year they will be able to lend a hand to the next class of "resolutioners".
I don't know where you're getting this "looking down at" and "judging glare" stuff from, unless you're projecting your own feelings on others. It's certainly not the attitude I have encountered in decades at all kinds of gyms (and I have never been close to "chiseled" myself), and it's not the attitude I've encountered on the discussion boards here, either.
That is great that you don't feel that way or feel that you have ever had this happen. I am sorry if my post has offended you in some way but there is a collective disdain for this time of year when some people that have been in the gym for a year or more have to wait a little longer to get to their favorite equipment. I am not here to debate this topic with you I just wanted to make a plea to those that do actually act in a negative way to those trying to make the step.29 -
well said
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As someone who was a resolutioner back in 2013 after many years hiatus from the gym and having felt the same way, I can tell you years later that the "judging glares" and "disdain" were mostly in my head because I was way out of my comfort zone.
I've been going to the gym for many years now, and while the crowdedness can be mildly annoying, myself and other gym goers for the most part are hoping for the best for everyone because the vast majority of us have been there and done that.
And frankly, regardless of the time of year, there are always more people in the gym who are overweight and trying to better themselves than there are the chiseled and/or super fit people. I'm pretty fit, but hardly chiseled.24 -
Truth! Gyms are very intimidating. I dropped 20 pounds in 2018 at home but still am not confident enough to step in a gym.1
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Thank you! Having firmly entered middle age, I do know I need to reverse some trends, lest I become infirm way too soon. I may not be "serious" by the standards of body builders or self-proclaimed Instagram "models", but I DO want to age into that 90 yr old that amazes people and not the one confined to a nursing home. And, I know that the process needs to start now. Everyone is at their own place and pace. The overweight and unhealthy deserve kudos and encouragement on their journey, instead of childish attitudes and remarks that imply their inferiority. And yes, the overt looks and comments DO happen. I had one lovely young woman take me to task just this morning because I am apparently "a middle aged person who thinks they own the place". I guess I was in her way...7
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I hate this time of year because my gym is way more crowded, but I don't know who is new and who is not so couldn't give judging glares if I wanted to. And frankly most of the crowd seems pretty in shape -- I think lots of people get inspired to go to the gym once the holidays are over and so on, it's not primarily out-of-shape intimidated people.
But in any case I'm with lynn on this, and don't think there's lots of looking down on and judging. I do think there's irritation with big crowds, but that's not something taken out on individuals, let alone newbies. It's like how I loathe stores and big shopping districts in much of December and wouldn't be caught dead in a mall (or Michigan Ave) on Black Friday.
What I dislike more about this time of year (since I can vary my gym time to avoid the major crowds) is that it is colder outside usually (another big reason for more crowded gyms) and that every magazine and social media site seems to go overboard in pushing weight loss and nutrition woo.16 -
I agree with others that much of the percieved judging is self-conscious not reality. If you are intimidated or worried about what other are thinking, don't be. Most of the regular gym goers don't really notice the other people around them because they have a routine. If a regular in my gym was rude to a new person, it would be addressed by multiple people. If you do experience that, speak to management. If it continues, find a new gym - most are not like that at all.
I am always happy to see people trying to do better for themselves. In fact, I look forward to the beginning of the year because it means that the locally owned gym I go to will be more getting business. New business means profits which means the gym will stay open. I love my gym so I want it to stay in business. Even if only a handful of the people continue going, it's a plus.6 -
debrakgoogins wrote: »I agree with others that much of the percieved judging is self-conscious not reality. If you are intimidated or worried about what other are thinking, don't be. Most of the regular gym goers don't really notice the other people around them because they have a routine. If a regular in my gym was rude to a new person, it would be addressed by multiple people. If you do experience that, speak to management. If it continues, find a new gym - most are not like that at all.
I am always happy to see people trying to do better for themselves. In fact, I look forward to the beginning of the year because it means that the locally owned gym I go to will be more getting business. New business means profits which means the gym will stay open. I love my gym so I want it to stay in business. Even if only a handful of the people continue going, it's a plus.
^^ So with you on this. In fact, I suspect it's the people who join in January and stop coming in February who are the backbone of the gym business -- it's great to be paid for a service you don't have to provide (or incur operational, cleaning, upkeep and repair expenses for).3 -
I agree. I've felt the stares more than once. Just walking into the gym takes a huge amount of courage for some people. If it hasn't happened to you, you are either in the tiny minority or you didn't notice or had such high self-confidence you didn't care!9
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I agree with previous posts; the crowds are what's frustrating and years of gym going (trust me, I definitely don't look like it) shows the trend of heavy increase in January with a drop in February and a slight pick up in March in time for spring break.
During this time it's more difficult to find your familiar machine, more equipment breakdowns occur, and most often regular routines are disrupted due to the large volume of people.
That being said, I am always the one in class to offer a hello and show people the way. Most people in the gym are there focusing on their own workout that they don't pay attention to others (unless it interferes with their workout).2 -
I agree. I've felt the stares more than once. Just walking into the gym takes a huge amount of courage for some people. If it hasn't happened to you, you are either in the tiny minority or you didn't notice or had such high self-confidence you didn't care!
Are you perceiving the stares and taking it to be a negative thing when it isn't, or is this reality? What we think is happening and what is actually happening can be to entirely different things.17 -
I hate this time of year because my gym is way more crowded, but I don't know who is new and who is not so couldn't give judging glares if I wanted to. And frankly most of the crowd seems pretty in shape -- I think lots of people get inspired to go to the gym once the holidays are over and so on, it's not primarily out-of-shape intimidated people.
But in any case I'm with lynn on this, and don't think there's lots of looking down on and judging. I do think there's irritation with big crowds, but that's not something taken out on individuals, let alone newbies. It's like how I loathe stores and big shopping districts in much of December and wouldn't be caught dead in a mall (or Michigan Ave) on Black Friday.
What I dislike more about this time of year (since I can vary my gym time to avoid the major crowds) is that it is colder outside usually (another big reason for more crowded gyms) and that every magazine and social media site seems to go overboard in pushing weight loss and nutrition woo.
So much this!1 -
I see crowds, but no staring or unkind remarks. I also don't see an abundance of sculptured bodies. Where's your gym at OP? I'd like to go see all this. I just see normal people doing their stuff and the staff doing their job helping out the newcomers. I would ask newcomers to read the rules, or ask, if they have a question.4
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I'll admit, I probably made a new person feel uncomfortable this past weekend. We have a dedicated group of women who do a women's cardio kickboxing class. Whenever someone new comes, we introduce ourselves and make a point of having them join one of the small groups during drills. I got there right at the beginning of class on Saturday so I couldn't introduce myself. I wanted to say hi to her so I tried to make eye contact. She would see me, I would smile and she would look away quickly. Several of us had the same reaction from her. She left immediately after the class. I think she thought she was being judged when we just really wanted to make her feel welcome. I'm not sure how I could have handled it better. Suggestions?2
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The vast majority of regulars at the gym are totally focused on whatever their particular agenda is for that day, accomplishing that, and leaving. Honestly, they are so absorbed in what they are doing they have neither the time, interest nor the inclination to disparage anyone else.
If any gym newbies are experiencing any kind of negativity, it's most likely due to one of two things:
1) Your gym is full to the brim with nasty people.
2) Your personal discomfort level of being in a new and somewhat intimidating environment where you naturally feel out-of-place and awkward to begin with is making you interpret even the most casual and unintentional glances in your direction as some kind of disapproval.
My money's on Door #2.
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debrakgoogins wrote: »I'll admit, I probably made a new person feel uncomfortable this past weekend. We have a dedicated group of women who do a women's cardio kickboxing class. Whenever someone new comes, we introduce ourselves and make a point of having them join one of the small groups during drills. I got there right at the beginning of class on Saturday so I couldn't introduce myself. I wanted to say hi to her so I tried to make eye contact. She would see me, I would smile and she would look away quickly. Several of us had the same reaction from her. She left immediately after the class. I think she thought she was being judged when we just really wanted to make her feel welcome. I'm not sure how I could have handled it better. Suggestions?
I've done this before inadvertently. My thing is skating classes and I'm typically one of the more advanced people and I've been told intimidating on the ice cause I like to go fast and can be freight train like. If this happens usually after I'll go over and ask if they enjoyed the class and encourage them to come back.
but whether these thoughts are perceived or whatever people benefit greatly from a warm smile and a hi or an offer of help. Ok some don't like that but if they're brand new a little welcome goes a long way to making them start feeling comfortable4 -
jimmyjbanks wrote: »snickerscharlie wrote: »The vast majority of regulars at the gym are totally focused on whatever their particular agenda is for that day, accomplishing that, and leaving. Honestly, they are so absorbed in what they are doing they have neither the time, interest nor the inclination to disparage anyone else.
If any gym newbies are experiencing any kind of negativity, it's most likely due to one of two things:
1) Your gym is full to the brim with nasty people.
2) Your personal discomfort level of being in a new and somewhat intimidating environment where you naturally feel out-of-place and awkward to begin with is making you interpret even the most casual and unintentional glances in your direction as some kind of disapproval.
My money's on Door #2.
So, if it is door #2, then if any of the gym regulars extended an olive branch or showed kindness towards them it probably would help the newbie feel more comfortable and at ease. Which was the intent of the OP, in my opinion. Why analyze the psychological makeup of a person when it would be as easy to say hi or show some kindness??? If a person feels a certain way then they do, a random compassionate stranger can make a huge difference.
Which is how this thread is derailed. It seems it is easier to say the newbie has insecurities and it is on them instead of showing kindness and have compassion for our fellow human.
If I were new and some stranger decided to talk to me, that would make me more uncomfortable than silence and being left alone. To each their own. 🤷🏼♀️14 -
For Resolutioners...
It's by no means appropriate for anyone to make you feel uncomfortable for trying to better yourself...
But expect there to be Dbs who will....
It's going to be part of the journey, part of the struggle, just another thing you will have to overcome and part of the game...
The big question is, are you going to let this be the thing that derails your efforts for another year... A few Db's, who frankly everyone else already knows is a DB...
Let these people motivate you...
You belong there, otherwise you wouldn't be there...4 -
I am a runner and have lost track of the times people (non-runners and people who might be carrying a bit of extra weight) have told me they're too embarrassed to run outside, or intimidated to join a running club. I can categorically tell you that any runner/fit person is almost guaranteed to be inwardly willing on any newbies they notice, and have utmost respect for their willingness to show up and have a go. I bet most people in the gym either won't give you a second thought, or will think 'good for you'.4
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jimmyjbanks wrote: »If I were new and some stranger decided to talk to me, that would make me more uncomfortable than silence and being left alone. To each their own. 🤷🏼♀️
You made my point for me. That is how you feel and me or anyone else dissecting it is not going to change it. So if a newbie feels intimidated or ANY similar feeling then telling them it is unwarranted is probably not going to change it.
I am not saying strike up a conversation and corner them; just say hi, offer a spot, etc... like the OP mentioned.
But doing just that might make a person feel more uncomfortable. So I'm not sure what point I made for you. 🤷🏼♀️6 -
jimmyjbanks wrote: »Chef_Barbell wrote: »jimmyjbanks wrote: »If I were new and some stranger decided to talk to me, that would make me more uncomfortable than silence and being left alone. To each their own. 🤷🏼♀️
You made my point for me. That is how you feel and me or anyone else dissecting it is not going to change it. So if a newbie feels intimidated or ANY similar feeling then telling them it is unwarranted is probably not going to change it.
I am not saying strike up a conversation and corner them; just say hi, offer a spot, etc... like the OP mentioned.
But doing just that might make a person feel more uncomfortable. So I'm not sure what point I made for you. 🤷🏼♀️
So someone who sees you struggling and offers a spot to keep you from hurting yourself would make you feel more uncomfortable? Would you rather they ignore you and let you hurt yourself?
Yes it would. People have social anxiety and other assorted social issues. Also, they have gym staff for this purpose so I wouldn't put myself in that position to begin with.11 -
Absolutely! I started on this journey in January last year. I had been thinking about it for a while, and was ready to buckle down in January, after the holidays were past. Whenever people get ready, they are welcome!1
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jimmyjbanks wrote: »Chef_Barbell wrote: »jimmyjbanks wrote: »Chef_Barbell wrote: »jimmyjbanks wrote: »If I were new and some stranger decided to talk to me, that would make me more uncomfortable than silence and being left alone. To each their own. 🤷🏼♀️
You made my point for me. That is how you feel and me or anyone else dissecting it is not going to change it. So if a newbie feels intimidated or ANY similar feeling then telling them it is unwarranted is probably not going to change it.
I am not saying strike up a conversation and corner them; just say hi, offer a spot, etc... like the OP mentioned.
But doing just that might make a person feel more uncomfortable. So I'm not sure what point I made for you. 🤷🏼♀️
So someone who sees you struggling and offers a spot to keep you from hurting yourself would make you feel more uncomfortable? Would you rather they ignore you and let you hurt yourself?
Yes it would. People have social anxiety and other assorted social issues. Also, they have gym staff for this purpose so I wouldn't put myself in that position to begin with.
OK, in my view I do not see why it should make you feel uncomfortable. But that is my view. In this thread, it has been stated that if the newbies are intimidated or feel related feeling it is their own insecurities. Other posters are saying it is the newbie's own issue. That is the posters telling the newbies how they should feel.
You made a valid statement that no one can tell someone else how they should feel. So why is it ok to tell the newbies it is their mind and not valid but I cannot say your feeling is invalid??
I don't think anyone in this thread said a new person's feelings are invalid.8 -
jimmyjbanks wrote: »Chef_Barbell wrote: »jimmyjbanks wrote: »Chef_Barbell wrote: »jimmyjbanks wrote: »Chef_Barbell wrote: »jimmyjbanks wrote: »If I were new and some stranger decided to talk to me, that would make me more uncomfortable than silence and being left alone. To each their own. 🤷🏼♀️
You made my point for me. That is how you feel and me or anyone else dissecting it is not going to change it. So if a newbie feels intimidated or ANY similar feeling then telling them it is unwarranted is probably not going to change it.
I am not saying strike up a conversation and corner them; just say hi, offer a spot, etc... like the OP mentioned.
But doing just that might make a person feel more uncomfortable. So I'm not sure what point I made for you. 🤷🏼♀️
So someone who sees you struggling and offers a spot to keep you from hurting yourself would make you feel more uncomfortable? Would you rather they ignore you and let you hurt yourself?
Yes it would. People have social anxiety and other assorted social issues. Also, they have gym staff for this purpose so I wouldn't put myself in that position to begin with.
OK, in my view I do not see why it should make you feel uncomfortable. But that is my view. In this thread, it has been stated that if the newbies are intimidated or feel related feeling it is their own insecurities. Other posters are saying it is the newbie's own issue. That is the posters telling the newbies how they should feel.
You made a valid statement that no one can tell someone else how they should feel. So why is it ok to tell the newbies it is their mind and not valid but I cannot say your feeling is invalid??
I don't think anyone in this thread said a new person's feelings are invalid.
They said it is in their heads and they should not feel that way....It is their own insecurities...
Projection of insecurity is a real and valid thing. That doesn't mean a person's feelings are invalid though. Of course if someone is outwardly being a DB, there are always those in the world everywhere.5 -
Chef_Barbell wrote: »jimmyjbanks wrote: »Chef_Barbell wrote: »jimmyjbanks wrote: »If I were new and some stranger decided to talk to me, that would make me more uncomfortable than silence and being left alone. To each their own. 🤷🏼♀️
You made my point for me. That is how you feel and me or anyone else dissecting it is not going to change it. So if a newbie feels intimidated or ANY similar feeling then telling them it is unwarranted is probably not going to change it.
I am not saying strike up a conversation and corner them; just say hi, offer a spot, etc... like the OP mentioned.
But doing just that might make a person feel more uncomfortable. So I'm not sure what point I made for you. 🤷🏼♀️
So someone who sees you struggling and offers a spot to keep you from hurting yourself would make you feel more uncomfortable? Would you rather they ignore you and let you hurt yourself?
Yes it would. People have social anxiety and other assorted social issues. Also, they have gym staff for this purpose so I wouldn't put myself in that position to begin with.
This. At 5:45 in the morning, the average gym goer is just trying to get their workout in and not get to work late. They might notice it's more crowded, but I doubt most would even know who in the gym at any moment is a regular or a newbie, and they are worrying about their own family/schedule/problems, not judging you. I recently had co-worker tell me that he bumped into another co-worker in the parking lot of his gym, and it turns out they've both been going at the same time for months and never even noticed each other!
It's totally understandable to be nervous or self-conscious, but understanding that this is normal and something you don't really need to worry about is IMHO one of the best ways to get past it.
If you are new and unsure what to do or how to use the equipment, introduce yourself to staff at the front door and ask for help. They are literally paid to do that, so don't feel bad about it AT ALL. They certainly don't want you to feel intimidated or hurt yourself. Honestly, if the staff at your gym don't help when you ask and make you feel comfortable, find another gym. It's the staff's job to make sure you like it there and know how to do anything you intend to do there; it's the other's customers responsibility to show common courtesy. It's nice if they can do more than that, but the fact that they might not doesn't mean you aren't welcome. For many (if not most) the gym is a place to get in, get it done, and get out.8 -
jimmyjbanks wrote: »So why is it ok to tell the newbies it is their mind and not valid but I cannot say your feeling is invalid??
Noone said their feelings are invalid, only that they are more than likely not being judged as much as they think they are. We are offering a different perspective in a forum designed for open conversations and debates. You don't seem to want to see both sides of the issue, just yours.11 -
jimmyjbanks wrote: »Chef_Barbell wrote: »jimmyjbanks wrote: »Chef_Barbell wrote: »jimmyjbanks wrote: »Chef_Barbell wrote: »jimmyjbanks wrote: »Chef_Barbell wrote: »jimmyjbanks wrote: »If I were new and some stranger decided to talk to me, that would make me more uncomfortable than silence and being left alone. To each their own. 🤷🏼♀️
You made my point for me. That is how you feel and me or anyone else dissecting it is not going to change it. So if a newbie feels intimidated or ANY similar feeling then telling them it is unwarranted is probably not going to change it.
I am not saying strike up a conversation and corner them; just say hi, offer a spot, etc... like the OP mentioned.
But doing just that might make a person feel more uncomfortable. So I'm not sure what point I made for you. 🤷🏼♀️
So someone who sees you struggling and offers a spot to keep you from hurting yourself would make you feel more uncomfortable? Would you rather they ignore you and let you hurt yourself?
Yes it would. People have social anxiety and other assorted social issues. Also, they have gym staff for this purpose so I wouldn't put myself in that position to begin with.
OK, in my view I do not see why it should make you feel uncomfortable. But that is my view. In this thread, it has been stated that if the newbies are intimidated or feel related feeling it is their own insecurities. Other posters are saying it is the newbie's own issue. That is the posters telling the newbies how they should feel.
You made a valid statement that no one can tell someone else how they should feel. So why is it ok to tell the newbies it is their mind and not valid but I cannot say your feeling is invalid??
I don't think anyone in this thread said a new person's feelings are invalid.
They said it is in their heads and they should not feel that way....It is their own insecurities...
Projection of insecurity is a real and valid thing. That doesn't mean a person's feelings are invalid though. Of course if someone is outwardly being a DB, there are always those in the world everywhere.
I totally agree but saying this "Your personal discomfort level of being in a new and somewhat intimidating environment where you naturally feel out-of-place and awkward to begin with is making you interpret even the most casual and unintentional glances in your direction as some kind of disapproval." is basically saying you are feeling insecure but it is on you. Why not admit that the newbies are dealing with their own anxiety of being in a new environment. And it is ok for them to feel that way?
This thread went from a "be kind to your fellow human" vibe to a "let's discuss social anxiety" thread. The spirit of the OP seems to be that we should be kind one another. I challenge anyone to find fault in that.
Does the world need more kindness and compassion? Yes probably. However, everyone is different and that's what I get from this thread. I saw people being encouraging despite obstacles (perceived or otherwise). Meaning go to the gym and do your thing and not worry about the next person.4
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