Please take it easy on the "Resolutioners"
Replies
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jimmyjbanks wrote: »jimmyjbanks wrote: »jimmyjbanks wrote: »Actually this post is directed at the gym regulars. The OP is saying Please take it easy on the "Resolutioners" It is not, titled, do not be scared, nobody is judging you...
Which is perpetuating and creating a preconceived notion for "resolutioners" that the gym is some scary, judgy place where all the regulars are going to look down on you, make fun of you and try to get you to quit. This honestly reads like a PF commercial.So basically, being nice and not judging newbies will discourage them?? With that type of logic, no amount of reason will prevail..
No....making it sound like the gym is some scary place where the "regulars" behave in a way that a post telling them to take it easy is what's discouraging.
It may be perpetuating a preconceived notion but the OP felt strongly enough to post about it. People just want to be comfortable wherever they are even when they are insecure.
Some gyms and clubs do have that type of environment. Calling it out and addressing it is a good way to change it and begin to eradicate it. Thankfully, most, if not all, posters in here have not seen it so maybe it is actually not as prevalent of an issue.
I think everyone who has commented here is against this type of rude behavior or any type of bullying. That is an awesome thing and I hope it spreads.
So then maybe it's worth pointing out that the gym isn't really some place that's fully of judgy mcjudgertons, like most posters are trying to do rather than perpetuating the gym stereotype and telling the regulars to "take it easy"??
If you read all of my comments you would see that I mentioned only the posts in the thread and that based on that small sample the issue may not be as prevalent. Right there I am agreeing with you so take the win.
The OP was the one who started the thread so you would have to pose that question to them. The OP even mentioned that he/she was not going to debate this with anyone, that was just saying for people to be nicer to one another (I paraphrased that).
My whole point is for people to show compassion and kindness to others. First it was in the gym and then everywhere. We can nit pick and say don't perpetuate stereotypes but we do know that those conditions do exist (thankfully not everywhere and hopefully not as often). Instead of going back at me, how about pushing for others to be kind to their fellow humans? I have never said that the gyms were full of them at all. I have merely said that it is better if people show compassion and kindness.
Honestly, I do not understand why there is any back and forth on this. If we all agree that kindness and compassion towards your fellow humans are the right thing, that ends it.
I don't think anyone is arguing that kindness and compassion are bad or that they shouldn't be demonstrated. The disagreement is whether or not specific shows of unkindness to "resolutioners" is as pervasive as some claim it is.
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janejellyroll wrote: »I don't think anyone is arguing that kindness and compassion are bad or that they shouldn't be demonstrated. The disagreement is whether or not specific shows of unkindness to "resolutioners" is as pervasive as some claim it is.
I think I agree, I don't really see a lot of outwards aggression or trolling against new folks in the gym. That being said, I won't lie, when I see some person going machine-to-machine-to-machine for 3 reps and really checking themselves out in the mirror as they lift a 15lb dumbbell then I do chuckle to myself on the inside a bit. Now when they do that crap and don't wipe off the equipment, THEN I might say "hey, don't forget to wipe down for the next person". But then again, a guy who goes to the gym 7 days a week and thinks it's cool to take a very loud speakerphone call in the weight room is going to be called out for his nonsense too. And the "show off" that has to practically scream as he lifts every single rep.... yea, he might need a little "any chance of that going down by 40db?" request too
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Went to my gym this morning for the first time in 18 months. It was like a ghost town. I was expecting lots of resolutioners. Maybe they don't do 6am workouts???0
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crimznrose wrote: »Went to my gym this morning for the first time in 18 months. It was like a ghost town. I was expecting lots of resolutioners. Maybe they don't do 6am workouts???
After traditional working hours is when it's the busiest, resolutiners or not.2 -
jimmyjbanks wrote: »jimmyjbanks wrote: »jimmyjbanks wrote: »Actually this post is directed at the gym regulars. The OP is saying Please take it easy on the "Resolutioners" It is not, titled, do not be scared, nobody is judging you...
Which is perpetuating and creating a preconceived notion for "resolutioners" that the gym is some scary, judgy place where all the regulars are going to look down on you, make fun of you and try to get you to quit. This honestly reads like a PF commercial.So basically, being nice and not judging newbies will discourage them?? With that type of logic, no amount of reason will prevail..
No....making it sound like the gym is some scary place where the "regulars" behave in a way that a post telling them to take it easy is what's discouraging.
It may be perpetuating a preconceived notion but the OP felt strongly enough to post about it. People just want to be comfortable wherever they are even when they are insecure.
Some gyms and clubs do have that type of environment. Calling it out and addressing it is a good way to change it and begin to eradicate it. Thankfully, most, if not all, posters in here have not seen it so maybe it is actually not as prevalent of an issue.
I think everyone who has commented here is against this type of rude behavior or any type of bullying. That is an awesome thing and I hope it spreads.
So then maybe it's worth pointing out that the gym isn't really some place that's fully of judgy mcjudgertons, like most posters are trying to do rather than perpetuating the gym stereotype and telling the regulars to "take it easy"??
If you read all of my comments you would see that I mentioned only the posts in the thread and that based on that small sample the issue may not be as prevalent. Right there I am agreeing with you so take the win.
The OP was the one who started the thread so you would have to pose that question to them. The OP even mentioned that he/she was not going to debate this with anyone, that was just saying for people to be nicer to one another (I paraphrased that).
My whole point is for people to show compassion and kindness to others. First it was in the gym and then everywhere. We can nit pick and say don't perpetuate stereotypes but we do know that those conditions do exist (thankfully not everywhere and hopefully not as often). Instead of going back at me, how about pushing for others to be kind to their fellow humans? I have never said that the gyms were full of them at all. I have merely said that it is better if people show compassion and kindness.
Honestly, I do not understand why there is any back and forth on this. If we all agree that kindness and compassion towards your fellow humans are the right thing, that ends it.
My disagreement is with the making a mountain out of a molehill. This happens every year in January. I absolutely don't see any of what you and the OP are preaching, and it makes a new gym goer even more nervous thinking this "might" happen to them. Dear new gym person--just stay calm and go to the gym. You'll be glad you did.15 -
snowflake954 wrote: »jimmyjbanks wrote: »jimmyjbanks wrote: »jimmyjbanks wrote: »Actually this post is directed at the gym regulars. The OP is saying Please take it easy on the "Resolutioners" It is not, titled, do not be scared, nobody is judging you...
Which is perpetuating and creating a preconceived notion for "resolutioners" that the gym is some scary, judgy place where all the regulars are going to look down on you, make fun of you and try to get you to quit. This honestly reads like a PF commercial.So basically, being nice and not judging newbies will discourage them?? With that type of logic, no amount of reason will prevail..
No....making it sound like the gym is some scary place where the "regulars" behave in a way that a post telling them to take it easy is what's discouraging.
It may be perpetuating a preconceived notion but the OP felt strongly enough to post about it. People just want to be comfortable wherever they are even when they are insecure.
Some gyms and clubs do have that type of environment. Calling it out and addressing it is a good way to change it and begin to eradicate it. Thankfully, most, if not all, posters in here have not seen it so maybe it is actually not as prevalent of an issue.
I think everyone who has commented here is against this type of rude behavior or any type of bullying. That is an awesome thing and I hope it spreads.
So then maybe it's worth pointing out that the gym isn't really some place that's fully of judgy mcjudgertons, like most posters are trying to do rather than perpetuating the gym stereotype and telling the regulars to "take it easy"??
If you read all of my comments you would see that I mentioned only the posts in the thread and that based on that small sample the issue may not be as prevalent. Right there I am agreeing with you so take the win.
The OP was the one who started the thread so you would have to pose that question to them. The OP even mentioned that he/she was not going to debate this with anyone, that was just saying for people to be nicer to one another (I paraphrased that).
My whole point is for people to show compassion and kindness to others. First it was in the gym and then everywhere. We can nit pick and say don't perpetuate stereotypes but we do know that those conditions do exist (thankfully not everywhere and hopefully not as often). Instead of going back at me, how about pushing for others to be kind to their fellow humans? I have never said that the gyms were full of them at all. I have merely said that it is better if people show compassion and kindness.
Honestly, I do not understand why there is any back and forth on this. If we all agree that kindness and compassion towards your fellow humans are the right thing, that ends it.
My disagreement is with the making a mountain out of a molehill. This happens every year in January. I absolutely don't see any of what you and the OP are preaching, and it makes a new gym goer even more nervous thinking this "might" happen to them. Dear new gym person--just stay calm and go to the gym. You'll be glad you did.
QFT.6 -
jimmyjbanks wrote: »snickerscharlie wrote: »The vast majority of regulars at the gym are totally focused on whatever their particular agenda is for that day, accomplishing that, and leaving. Honestly, they are so absorbed in what they are doing they have neither the time, interest nor the inclination to disparage anyone else.
If any gym newbies are experiencing any kind of negativity, it's most likely due to one of two things:
1) Your gym is full to the brim with nasty people.
2) Your personal discomfort level of being in a new and somewhat intimidating environment where you naturally feel out-of-place and awkward to begin with is making you interpret even the most casual and unintentional glances in your direction as some kind of disapproval.
My money's on Door #2.
So, if it is door #2, then if any of the gym regulars extended an olive branch or showed kindness towards them it probably would help the newbie feel more comfortable and at ease. Which was the intent of the OP, in my opinion. Why analyze the psychological makeup of a person when it would be as easy to say hi or show some kindness??? If a person feels a certain way then they do, a random compassionate stranger can make a huge difference.
Which is how this thread is derailed. It seems it is easier to say the newbie has insecurities and it is on them instead of showing kindness and have compassion for our fellow human.
I haven't read to the end of the thread so feel free to excuse this if you've already answered it, but how do you propose that one do this? Unless someone is making eye contact and smiling at me when I'm using an erg at the gym I go to, I don't assume they want to be acknowledged (and frankly, I don't really want to be acknowledged most of the time). If someone asks me a question, then sure I'll try to answer it graciously and accurately. But otherwise I'm not sure how one would go about welcoming people who appear to be newcomers. Never mind that, unless I catch someone out of the corner of my eye and I am worried about them physically hurting themselves or I just so happen to know them, I'm not focused on anyone other than myself.
Sure people shouldn't be mean, but I don't think that tends to happen - or rather I haven't seen it happen. If it does happen then the management need to know about it and do something. If it's a systemic issue, then change gyms.3 -
jimmyjbanks wrote: »snickerscharlie wrote: »The vast majority of regulars at the gym are totally focused on whatever their particular agenda is for that day, accomplishing that, and leaving. Honestly, they are so absorbed in what they are doing they have neither the time, interest nor the inclination to disparage anyone else.
If any gym newbies are experiencing any kind of negativity, it's most likely due to one of two things:
1) Your gym is full to the brim with nasty people.
2) Your personal discomfort level of being in a new and somewhat intimidating environment where you naturally feel out-of-place and awkward to begin with is making you interpret even the most casual and unintentional glances in your direction as some kind of disapproval.
My money's on Door #2.
So, if it is door #2, then if any of the gym regulars extended an olive branch or showed kindness towards them it probably would help the newbie feel more comfortable and at ease. Which was the intent of the OP, in my opinion. Why analyze the psychological makeup of a person when it would be as easy to say hi or show some kindness??? If a person feels a certain way then they do, a random compassionate stranger can make a huge difference.
Which is how this thread is derailed. It seems it is easier to say the newbie has insecurities and it is on them instead of showing kindness and have compassion for our fellow human.
I haven't read to the end of the thread so feel free to excuse this if you've already answered it, but how do you propose that one do this? Unless someone is making eye contact and smiling at me when I'm using an erg at the gym I go to, I don't assume they want to be acknowledged (and frankly, I don't really want to be acknowledged most of the time). If someone asks me a question, then sure I'll try to answer it graciously and accurately. But otherwise I'm not sure how one would go about welcoming people who appear to be newcomers. Never mind that, unless I catch someone out of the corner of my eye and I am worried about them physically hurting themselves or I just so happen to know them, I'm not focused on anyone other than myself.
Sure people shouldn't be mean, but I don't think that tends to happen - or rather I haven't seen it happen. If it does happen then the management need to know about it and do something. If it's a systemic issue, then change gyms.
I treat people at the gym the way I like to be treated -- I mind my own business, wipe down equipment when I'm done, and refrain from making unnecessary noise. I don't want randos greeting me or "extending" anything to me, so I'm not going to do that to them.11 -
jimmyjbanks wrote: »snickerscharlie wrote: »The vast majority of regulars at the gym are totally focused on whatever their particular agenda is for that day, accomplishing that, and leaving. Honestly, they are so absorbed in what they are doing they have neither the time, interest nor the inclination to disparage anyone else.
If any gym newbies are experiencing any kind of negativity, it's most likely due to one of two things:
1) Your gym is full to the brim with nasty people.
2) Your personal discomfort level of being in a new and somewhat intimidating environment where you naturally feel out-of-place and awkward to begin with is making you interpret even the most casual and unintentional glances in your direction as some kind of disapproval.
My money's on Door #2.
So, if it is door #2, then if any of the gym regulars extended an olive branch or showed kindness towards them it probably would help the newbie feel more comfortable and at ease. Which was the intent of the OP, in my opinion. Why analyze the psychological makeup of a person when it would be as easy to say hi or show some kindness??? If a person feels a certain way then they do, a random compassionate stranger can make a huge difference.
Which is how this thread is derailed. It seems it is easier to say the newbie has insecurities and it is on them instead of showing kindness and have compassion for our fellow human.
I haven't read to the end of the thread so feel free to excuse this if you've already answered it, but how do you propose that one do this? Unless someone is making eye contact and smiling at me when I'm using an erg at the gym I go to, I don't assume they want to be acknowledged (and frankly, I don't really want to be acknowledged most of the time). If someone asks me a question, then sure I'll try to answer it graciously and accurately. But otherwise I'm not sure how one would go about welcoming people who appear to be newcomers. Never mind that, unless I catch someone out of the corner of my eye and I am worried about them physically hurting themselves or I just so happen to know them, I'm not focused on anyone other than myself.
Sure people shouldn't be mean, but I don't think that tends to happen - or rather I haven't seen it happen. If it does happen then the management need to know about it and do something. If it's a systemic issue, then change gyms.
I've been in and out of gyms much of my life...I've seen meanness/rudeness before, but it's not common and I've never seen it be a systemic issue.
I think it's pretty normal to be apprehensive about venturing into something new, and that apprehension can easily cause one's mind to see things that aren't really there.
Hell, anytime I've changed gyms I've been apprehensive and felt uncomfortable initially...brand new environment...new faces...you don't know who's who and what's what, etc. Anytime I've switched gyms, it's taken e a good month or so to really start feeling comfortable and get the lay of the land so to speak.5 -
janejellyroll wrote: »jimmyjbanks wrote: »snickerscharlie wrote: »The vast majority of regulars at the gym are totally focused on whatever their particular agenda is for that day, accomplishing that, and leaving. Honestly, they are so absorbed in what they are doing they have neither the time, interest nor the inclination to disparage anyone else.
If any gym newbies are experiencing any kind of negativity, it's most likely due to one of two things:
1) Your gym is full to the brim with nasty people.
2) Your personal discomfort level of being in a new and somewhat intimidating environment where you naturally feel out-of-place and awkward to begin with is making you interpret even the most casual and unintentional glances in your direction as some kind of disapproval.
My money's on Door #2.
So, if it is door #2, then if any of the gym regulars extended an olive branch or showed kindness towards them it probably would help the newbie feel more comfortable and at ease. Which was the intent of the OP, in my opinion. Why analyze the psychological makeup of a person when it would be as easy to say hi or show some kindness??? If a person feels a certain way then they do, a random compassionate stranger can make a huge difference.
Which is how this thread is derailed. It seems it is easier to say the newbie has insecurities and it is on them instead of showing kindness and have compassion for our fellow human.
I haven't read to the end of the thread so feel free to excuse this if you've already answered it, but how do you propose that one do this? Unless someone is making eye contact and smiling at me when I'm using an erg at the gym I go to, I don't assume they want to be acknowledged (and frankly, I don't really want to be acknowledged most of the time). If someone asks me a question, then sure I'll try to answer it graciously and accurately. But otherwise I'm not sure how one would go about welcoming people who appear to be newcomers. Never mind that, unless I catch someone out of the corner of my eye and I am worried about them physically hurting themselves or I just so happen to know them, I'm not focused on anyone other than myself.
Sure people shouldn't be mean, but I don't think that tends to happen - or rather I haven't seen it happen. If it does happen then the management need to know about it and do something. If it's a systemic issue, then change gyms.
I treat people at the gym the way I like to be treated -- I mind my own business, wipe down equipment when I'm done, and refrain from making unnecessary noise. I don't want randos greeting me or "extending" anything to me, so I'm not going to do that to them.
Exactly - I suppose the one time when I'm especially judgy is when people don't wipe down equipment. But that's a sanitation issue, not a "this person is new" issue. Let's not pretend that there aren't seasoned gym goers who don't wipe down the equipment they just used. I really need to make a habit of wiping equipment down before and after I use it, but I use the ergs at my rowing club more than at the gym. There it's seriously frowned upon to not do so, thus I don't have to wipe it down beforehand and don't think about people not having done so on the occasions when I'm at my uni's gym.1 -
janejellyroll wrote: »jimmyjbanks wrote: »snickerscharlie wrote: »The vast majority of regulars at the gym are totally focused on whatever their particular agenda is for that day, accomplishing that, and leaving. Honestly, they are so absorbed in what they are doing they have neither the time, interest nor the inclination to disparage anyone else.
If any gym newbies are experiencing any kind of negativity, it's most likely due to one of two things:
1) Your gym is full to the brim with nasty people.
2) Your personal discomfort level of being in a new and somewhat intimidating environment where you naturally feel out-of-place and awkward to begin with is making you interpret even the most casual and unintentional glances in your direction as some kind of disapproval.
My money's on Door #2.
So, if it is door #2, then if any of the gym regulars extended an olive branch or showed kindness towards them it probably would help the newbie feel more comfortable and at ease. Which was the intent of the OP, in my opinion. Why analyze the psychological makeup of a person when it would be as easy to say hi or show some kindness??? If a person feels a certain way then they do, a random compassionate stranger can make a huge difference.
Which is how this thread is derailed. It seems it is easier to say the newbie has insecurities and it is on them instead of showing kindness and have compassion for our fellow human.
I haven't read to the end of the thread so feel free to excuse this if you've already answered it, but how do you propose that one do this? Unless someone is making eye contact and smiling at me when I'm using an erg at the gym I go to, I don't assume they want to be acknowledged (and frankly, I don't really want to be acknowledged most of the time). If someone asks me a question, then sure I'll try to answer it graciously and accurately. But otherwise I'm not sure how one would go about welcoming people who appear to be newcomers. Never mind that, unless I catch someone out of the corner of my eye and I am worried about them physically hurting themselves or I just so happen to know them, I'm not focused on anyone other than myself.
Sure people shouldn't be mean, but I don't think that tends to happen - or rather I haven't seen it happen. If it does happen then the management need to know about it and do something. If it's a systemic issue, then change gyms.
I treat people at the gym the way I like to be treated -- I mind my own business, wipe down equipment when I'm done, and refrain from making unnecessary noise. I don't want randos greeting me or "extending" anything to me, so I'm not going to do that to them.
I think what you've expressed here represents the feelings of 99% of gym goers. I live in Mexico and it is a very friendly and social culture. Much more so than the U.S. and I still don't see this happening.
If I've had a reason to engage with someone, eg. alternated sets on a piece of equipment or something like that, I'll nod and say Hola in the future.I've gained a few buddies and a couple of friends this way. But I don't just smile or randomly talk to strangers. As I said in another post, that would be kinda creepy. Also, I can't tell if someone is a newbie or resolutioner not. How could I? The only thing I'm able to tell is that the gym is more crowded.3 -
cwolfman13 wrote: »jimmyjbanks wrote: »snickerscharlie wrote: »The vast majority of regulars at the gym are totally focused on whatever their particular agenda is for that day, accomplishing that, and leaving. Honestly, they are so absorbed in what they are doing they have neither the time, interest nor the inclination to disparage anyone else.
If any gym newbies are experiencing any kind of negativity, it's most likely due to one of two things:
1) Your gym is full to the brim with nasty people.
2) Your personal discomfort level of being in a new and somewhat intimidating environment where you naturally feel out-of-place and awkward to begin with is making you interpret even the most casual and unintentional glances in your direction as some kind of disapproval.
My money's on Door #2.
So, if it is door #2, then if any of the gym regulars extended an olive branch or showed kindness towards them it probably would help the newbie feel more comfortable and at ease. Which was the intent of the OP, in my opinion. Why analyze the psychological makeup of a person when it would be as easy to say hi or show some kindness??? If a person feels a certain way then they do, a random compassionate stranger can make a huge difference.
Which is how this thread is derailed. It seems it is easier to say the newbie has insecurities and it is on them instead of showing kindness and have compassion for our fellow human.
I haven't read to the end of the thread so feel free to excuse this if you've already answered it, but how do you propose that one do this? Unless someone is making eye contact and smiling at me when I'm using an erg at the gym I go to, I don't assume they want to be acknowledged (and frankly, I don't really want to be acknowledged most of the time). If someone asks me a question, then sure I'll try to answer it graciously and accurately. But otherwise I'm not sure how one would go about welcoming people who appear to be newcomers. Never mind that, unless I catch someone out of the corner of my eye and I am worried about them physically hurting themselves or I just so happen to know them, I'm not focused on anyone other than myself.
Sure people shouldn't be mean, but I don't think that tends to happen - or rather I haven't seen it happen. If it does happen then the management need to know about it and do something. If it's a systemic issue, then change gyms.
I've been in and out of gyms much of my life...I've seen meanness/rudeness before, but it's not common and I've never seen it be a systemic issue.
I think it's pretty normal to be apprehensive about venturing into something new, and that apprehension can easily cause one's mind to see things that aren't really there.
Hell, anytime I've changed gyms I've been apprehensive and felt uncomfortable initially...brand new environment...new faces...you don't know who's who and what's what, etc. Anytime I've switched gyms, it's taken e a good month or so to really start feeling comfortable and get the lay of the land so to speak.
I'm in total agreement with the fact that a lot of people are apprehensive about new things or new environments. I know I am more often than not. I think that that apprehension can easily lead to feeling intimidated and/or things like, "rude stares" (I think that's more or less how it was termed earlier". Never mind, of course, that you can't feel someone staring at you or anyone else.
That, however, is fairly tangential from how to treat other people in the gym. The most welcoming environment in the world isn't going to stop people from being anxious about going there. I, as a member of a gym who goes on a semi regular basis and who rows indoors on a very regular basis, can recommended in the nicest way possible, that someone row with the damper not set at 10 because ergonomically it's just not appropriate for most situations, but that is a very face threatening act. The same would be true if I told someone where the spray bottles and wash clothes for wiping down equipment is. Unless someone asked me, it's face threatening. That's why I asked how @jimmyjbanks thinks one should go about doing this "showing kindness and compassion" for someone at the gym.
For me, focusing on no one other than myself (unless I'm working out with someone), following the rules, being relatively quiet (with regards to things like talking to someone loudly), and just not being mean fit the bill of showing kindness and compassion. That's how I hope most people will act in the gym, among other places.
The problem isn't me, nor is it people who do similar things. It's that people are scared, end up having some cognitive distortions, and for better or worse people validate those thoughts. Again, the fear and cognitive distortions are normal. That doesn't, however, mean that what's going on is actually happening - especially if someone hasn't even gone to a gym yet.4 -
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I mostly only go to my gym (a Y) for spin classes. If there's a new person in class, I'll usually introduce myself if there's a reasonable logistical opportunity before/after the workout, and say something briefly chit-chatty. If they respond as if they welcome chat, I'll talk a little and "hope they can join us again" or somesuch. If they say or act in ways that suggest they might be new, I ask if they've taken spin elsewhere, and if they say "no" and mention problems or concerns (um, women sharing about sore "special" body parts after? ), I try to say something helpful and encouraging. (Note that my current instructor is a man, and women might not express this to him, sweetie though he is.)
On the way to/from class (long, narrow hall), I say "good morning" to everyone I meet unless they're obviously tied up, and smile (whether they look at me in or not). In the lobby, I'll do the same if we pass closely going in opposite directions, or they make eye contact.
Otherwise, I don't much engage with folks I don't know yet. The above seems kind enough, to me.
That said, call me crazy, but I think one and the same (reasonably kind) brain can simultaneously hold two general, pretty natural human thoughts:
(1) I hope all of the new people who may be here in January will succeed and thrive, and I'd like to help if I can do so politely; and
(2) it's pretty personally annoying that there's a giant crowd here in January, especially when I know that (based on quasi-statistical analysis of past experience) most will sadly give up by February.
So, after reading this thread, my understanding is that some people think that if a gym friend says something to me like "wow, it's crowded today; I hope I can get a bike", that it's not OK (unkind) for me to say "it'll thin out by the end of the month", because that would be discouraging to new people who may overhear, and think I want them to fail.
I try to be sensitive to psychologically frail people, I do. But the idea seems to be that I shouldn't express or even imply that I may have natural human feelings of my own, even feelings not directed at specific other people, because my expressed feelings might be overheard, and discourage others?
I dunno. There's a limit in there somewhere, even if I don't know exactly where it its.9 -
I am new to the gym, I hate new situations and I hate crowds and get stressed if a stranger want to start talking to me more than a quick hi. These are my problems no one else's. It took me several attempts to get through the door of the first gym I went too as walking in and finding a staff member was stressful . To get around these issues I started the gym a few months ago and not in January with the reasoning it will be quieter without a lot of other noobs, I chose a gym that's like a ghost town at my preferred time and that has only has 3 staff members so I'm not having to ask questions to too many people. I also booked several pt sessions to ensure I felt confident in what I'm doing. At the moment I'm happy on the machines, I would like to move onto the free weights , Dumbbells ,circuits etc but will leave that until after the January rush as I don't want to be learning something new and feeling uncomfatable as the gym is ( relatively) busy, as it quieten down again I can then save up money and book in some more pt sessions to learn a bit more. As I said my issues are mine to deal with, and week after week I'm feeling more relaxed, I can look up and around between sets and can walk past others working out with out thinking ' they are looking at me!' And I don't hold my breath or move on if someone uses the machine next to me. Still don't know how I'd feel if someone asked to work in or was standing waiting for me to finish but I'll deal with it as it happens without blaming the other person for my issues. I understand the original point of the post is be kind to new people , but so long as your not unkind or unfriendly that's good enough for me x5
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The more I read this thread, the more bizarre it seems to me that as a customer of a business, I am somehow responsible for making new customers feel welcome. When I go to the grocery, I'm polite to other people, I try not to park my cart so that it blocks traffic moving through the aisle, I apologize if in my attempt not to block the aisle I've parked in front of a shelf someone wants to get to, I generally do my best to be friendly and helpful if someone asks me a question, but I don't spend anytime trying to figure out who is a new customer and how to make sure they feel welcome.
The first time I went to a Trader Joe's, it seemed a little weird, and small, and I had seen stuff online that made it seem like there was a certain cultish devotion among TJ customers. I didn't think the other customers needed to welcome me and make sure I wasn't intimidated.
Heck, the first time I went to a Harris Teeter and the cashier took my cart away from me to unload, instead of my putting the items on a conveyor belt myself, I was a little taken aback. I didn't look for the other customers to comfort me in my confusion.
And I think the same approach should apply to customers of a gym. Sure, within the context of a small, scheduled class, where we mostly see the same faces every week, in my experience the regulars will try to strike up a friendly conversation with a newcomer after class, but I guess if we had special small groups meeting at specified times in the grocery store (Seafood Lovers Club, maybe with special guest lecturers?), we'd probably do the same thing.16 -
I'm a 58 YO regular user of a gym with a very diverse customer base but including a lot of 16 - 18 YOs from a nearby college.
In the spirit of the OP I'm going to introduce myself to all those new youngsters and I'm sure they won't be in the slightest bit uncomfortable being approached by a stranger/random old fart, unless I'm all sweaty and wearing my cycling shorts of course....
(At least they could see I'm only extending the hand of friendship.)
#restrainingorderintheverynearfuture
More seriously the gym is just a room with some people and equipment in it, really not that special at all. It's OK to feel uncomfortable, it's OK to make a fool of yourself sometimes, it's also OK to ask for advice if you want it and also OK to shut yourself away from interaction with your ear buds in if you prefer.
Crucially please dear resolutioners keep in mind the gym is a place to go to get fit, not just a place where fit people go.13 -
Truth be told, NOBODY is looking at you. Everyone is so focused on getting through their work out they don't even know you exist.
A couple of more tips, this has worked wonders for me:
- Don't underestimate weightlifting. It should be just as high a priority as cardio.
- for every 30 mins spent at the gym, spend 60 mins in the kitchen
- give enough time for your body to rest in between workouts, especially if you're lifting6 -
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