Please take it easy on the "Resolutioners"
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jimmyjbanks wrote: »snickerscharlie wrote: »The vast majority of regulars at the gym are totally focused on whatever their particular agenda is for that day, accomplishing that, and leaving. Honestly, they are so absorbed in what they are doing they have neither the time, interest nor the inclination to disparage anyone else.
If any gym newbies are experiencing any kind of negativity, it's most likely due to one of two things:
1) Your gym is full to the brim with nasty people.
2) Your personal discomfort level of being in a new and somewhat intimidating environment where you naturally feel out-of-place and awkward to begin with is making you interpret even the most casual and unintentional glances in your direction as some kind of disapproval.
My money's on Door #2.
So, if it is door #2, then if any of the gym regulars extended an olive branch or showed kindness towards them it probably would help the newbie feel more comfortable and at ease. Which was the intent of the OP, in my opinion. Why analyze the psychological makeup of a person when it would be as easy to say hi or show some kindness??? If a person feels a certain way then they do, a random compassionate stranger can make a huge difference.
Which is how this thread is derailed. It seems it is easier to say the newbie has insecurities and it is on them instead of showing kindness and have compassion for our fellow human.
When I first started going to gyms, the absolute thing that would have sent me screaming from the whole experience would have been for someone to come talk to me and try to "show me the ropes". That's what the staff is for, and when I needed to know about something or felt confused, that's who I asked.
I'm an introvert. Gym time was always "me" time. I didn't want to be bothered with other members, and didn't join for a social experience.14 -
jimmyjbanks wrote: »Actually this post is directed at the gym regulars. The OP is saying Please take it easy on the "Resolutioners" It is not, titled, do not be scared, nobody is judging you...
So basically, being nice and not judging newbies will discourage them?? With that type of logic, no amount of reason will prevail..
There's no need for this, though. That's the point. No one judges the resolutioners.
The only thing frustrating about it, as stated upthread, is the possibility of gym crowding. No one is judging anyone for being new.8 -
rheddmobile wrote: »Chef_Barbell wrote: »jimmyjbanks wrote: »Chef_Barbell wrote: »jimmyjbanks wrote: »If I were new and some stranger decided to talk to me, that would make me more uncomfortable than silence and being left alone. To each their own. 🤷🏼♀️
You made my point for me. That is how you feel and me or anyone else dissecting it is not going to change it. So if a newbie feels intimidated or ANY similar feeling then telling them it is unwarranted is probably not going to change it.
I am not saying strike up a conversation and corner them; just say hi, offer a spot, etc... like the OP mentioned.
But doing just that might make a person feel more uncomfortable. So I'm not sure what point I made for you. 🤷🏼♀️
So someone who sees you struggling and offers a spot to keep you from hurting yourself would make you feel more uncomfortable? Would you rather they ignore you and let you hurt yourself?
Yes it would. People have social anxiety and other assorted social issues. Also, they have gym staff for this purpose so I wouldn't put myself in that position to begin with.
My gym doesn't have staff. I'm very grateful to helpful members who gently assisted me when I was new - I remember one massive guy telling me to watch my tendency to look at my feet during deadlifts. He smiled and didn't make me feel awkward, and possibly prevented an injury.
Social anxiety can be terrible, I understand. But all other people can do is try to be polite and kind. If you dislike kindness and your anxiety prevents you from expressing a preference, you're going to end up in situations where well-intentioned people make you anxious. That's nobody's fault.
My answer is this exactly:gottaburnemall wrote:When I first started going to gyms, the absolute thing that would have sent me screaming from the whole experience would have been for someone to come talk to me and try to "show me the ropes". That's what the staff is for, and when I needed to know about something or felt confused, that's who I asked.
I'm an introvert. Gym time was always "me" time. I didn't want to be bothered with other members, and didn't join for a social experience.
I never said it was anyone's fault. That's on you.3 -
Chef_Barbell wrote: »rheddmobile wrote: »Chef_Barbell wrote: »jimmyjbanks wrote: »Chef_Barbell wrote: »jimmyjbanks wrote: »If I were new and some stranger decided to talk to me, that would make me more uncomfortable than silence and being left alone. To each their own. 🤷🏼♀️
You made my point for me. That is how you feel and me or anyone else dissecting it is not going to change it. So if a newbie feels intimidated or ANY similar feeling then telling them it is unwarranted is probably not going to change it.
I am not saying strike up a conversation and corner them; just say hi, offer a spot, etc... like the OP mentioned.
But doing just that might make a person feel more uncomfortable. So I'm not sure what point I made for you. 🤷🏼♀️
So someone who sees you struggling and offers a spot to keep you from hurting yourself would make you feel more uncomfortable? Would you rather they ignore you and let you hurt yourself?
Yes it would. People have social anxiety and other assorted social issues. Also, they have gym staff for this purpose so I wouldn't put myself in that position to begin with.
My gym doesn't have staff. I'm very grateful to helpful members who gently assisted me when I was new - I remember one massive guy telling me to watch my tendency to look at my feet during deadlifts. He smiled and didn't make me feel awkward, and possibly prevented an injury.
Social anxiety can be terrible, I understand. But all other people can do is try to be polite and kind. If you dislike kindness and your anxiety prevents you from expressing a preference, you're going to end up in situations where well-intentioned people make you anxious. That's nobody's fault.
My answer is this exactly:gottaburnthemall wrote:When I first started going to gyms, the absolute thing that would have sent me screaming from the whole experience would have been for someone to come talk to me and try to "show me the ropes". That's what the staff is for, and when I needed to know about something or felt confused, that's who I asked.
I'm an introvert. Gym time was always "me" time. I didn't want to be bothered with other members, and didn't join for a social experience.
I never said it was anyone's fault. That's on you.
Again: no staff.
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Chef_Barbell wrote: »jimmyjbanks wrote: »snickerscharlie wrote: »The vast majority of regulars at the gym are totally focused on whatever their particular agenda is for that day, accomplishing that, and leaving. Honestly, they are so absorbed in what they are doing they have neither the time, interest nor the inclination to disparage anyone else.
If any gym newbies are experiencing any kind of negativity, it's most likely due to one of two things:
1) Your gym is full to the brim with nasty people.
2) Your personal discomfort level of being in a new and somewhat intimidating environment where you naturally feel out-of-place and awkward to begin with is making you interpret even the most casual and unintentional glances in your direction as some kind of disapproval.
My money's on Door #2.
So, if it is door #2, then if any of the gym regulars extended an olive branch or showed kindness towards them it probably would help the newbie feel more comfortable and at ease. Which was the intent of the OP, in my opinion. Why analyze the psychological makeup of a person when it would be as easy to say hi or show some kindness??? If a person feels a certain way then they do, a random compassionate stranger can make a huge difference.
Which is how this thread is derailed. It seems it is easier to say the newbie has insecurities and it is on them instead of showing kindness and have compassion for our fellow human.
If I were new and some stranger decided to talk to me, that would make me more uncomfortable than silence and being left alone. To each their own. 🤷🏼♀️
Ah! You beat me to this. Come sit on the same couch with me. We can sort of just chill on opposite ends in companionable silence.6 -
rheddmobile wrote: »Chef_Barbell wrote: »rheddmobile wrote: »Chef_Barbell wrote: »jimmyjbanks wrote: »Chef_Barbell wrote: »jimmyjbanks wrote: »If I were new and some stranger decided to talk to me, that would make me more uncomfortable than silence and being left alone. To each their own. 🤷🏼♀️
You made my point for me. That is how you feel and me or anyone else dissecting it is not going to change it. So if a newbie feels intimidated or ANY similar feeling then telling them it is unwarranted is probably not going to change it.
I am not saying strike up a conversation and corner them; just say hi, offer a spot, etc... like the OP mentioned.
But doing just that might make a person feel more uncomfortable. So I'm not sure what point I made for you. 🤷🏼♀️
So someone who sees you struggling and offers a spot to keep you from hurting yourself would make you feel more uncomfortable? Would you rather they ignore you and let you hurt yourself?
Yes it would. People have social anxiety and other assorted social issues. Also, they have gym staff for this purpose so I wouldn't put myself in that position to begin with.
My gym doesn't have staff. I'm very grateful to helpful members who gently assisted me when I was new - I remember one massive guy telling me to watch my tendency to look at my feet during deadlifts. He smiled and didn't make me feel awkward, and possibly prevented an injury.
Social anxiety can be terrible, I understand. But all other people can do is try to be polite and kind. If you dislike kindness and your anxiety prevents you from expressing a preference, you're going to end up in situations where well-intentioned people make you anxious. That's nobody's fault.
My answer is this exactly:gottaburnthemall wrote:When I first started going to gyms, the absolute thing that would have sent me screaming from the whole experience would have been for someone to come talk to me and try to "show me the ropes". That's what the staff is for, and when I needed to know about something or felt confused, that's who I asked.
I'm an introvert. Gym time was always "me" time. I didn't want to be bothered with other members, and didn't join for a social experience.
I never said it was anyone's fault. That's on you.
Again: no staff.
Again not relevant to me or this topic. Not everyone wants someone to "show them the ropes".5 -
the judging stares are most likely in your head due to being out of your comfort zone. If you go to the gym at any point throughout the year, you will see all kinds of different people. Some are overweight and out of shape. No one stares and judges them.
Yeah. I judge me. I feel uncomfortable because I have coordination issues, I'm a bit slower athletically, and when I'm in any kind of group class where there are those ceiling-to-floor mirrors and I see myself, in my head, I look like a bear lumbering among sylphs. Am I really that noticeably bad? Likely. Are many other people paying attention? Probably not. They're likely focusing on their own performance. But when I see my own performance, I can't tune everyone else out (I think it's because I'm also looking at them to make sure I'm getting stuff right and realizing I'm not) and I do compare. So what works for me is no group classes. When I belonged to a gym in the past, I'd do the treadmill; I'd do the weight machines; and I'd avoid anything like aerobics or zumba or anything else than involved a lot of people working out together in front of mirrors. That's my comfort level and I'm really not looking to push things. I will say, though, that at no time has anyone ever mocked my performance, turned away with a smirk, asked me what the heck I think I'm doing there, etc etc. My issues are my issues and I'm my own worst critic. I just prefer to work out where nobody—including me—criticizes me too harshly.6 -
jimmyjbanks wrote: »jimmyjbanks wrote: »jimmyjbanks wrote: »Chef_Barbell wrote: »jimmyjbanks wrote: »Chef_Barbell wrote: »jimmyjbanks wrote: »Chef_Barbell wrote: »jimmyjbanks wrote: »Chef_Barbell wrote: »jimmyjbanks wrote: »If I were new and some stranger decided to talk to me, that would make me more uncomfortable than silence and being left alone. To each their own. 🤷🏼♀️
You made my point for me. That is how you feel and me or anyone else dissecting it is not going to change it. So if a newbie feels intimidated or ANY similar feeling then telling them it is unwarranted is probably not going to change it.
I am not saying strike up a conversation and corner them; just say hi, offer a spot, etc... like the OP mentioned.
But doing just that might make a person feel more uncomfortable. So I'm not sure what point I made for you. 🤷🏼♀️
So someone who sees you struggling and offers a spot to keep you from hurting yourself would make you feel more uncomfortable? Would you rather they ignore you and let you hurt yourself?
Yes it would. People have social anxiety and other assorted social issues. Also, they have gym staff for this purpose so I wouldn't put myself in that position to begin with.
OK, in my view I do not see why it should make you feel uncomfortable. But that is my view. In this thread, it has been stated that if the newbies are intimidated or feel related feeling it is their own insecurities. Other posters are saying it is the newbie's own issue. That is the posters telling the newbies how they should feel.
You made a valid statement that no one can tell someone else how they should feel. So why is it ok to tell the newbies it is their mind and not valid but I cannot say your feeling is invalid??
I don't think anyone in this thread said a new person's feelings are invalid.
They said it is in their heads and they should not feel that way....It is their own insecurities...
Projection of insecurity is a real and valid thing. That doesn't mean a person's feelings are invalid though. Of course if someone is outwardly being a DB, there are always those in the world everywhere.
I totally agree but saying this "Your personal discomfort level of being in a new and somewhat intimidating environment where you naturally feel out-of-place and awkward to begin with is making you interpret even the most casual and unintentional glances in your direction as some kind of disapproval." is basically saying you are feeling insecure but it is on you. Why not admit that the newbies are dealing with their own anxiety of being in a new environment. And it is ok for them to feel that way?
This thread went from a "be kind to your fellow human" vibe to a "let's discuss social anxiety" thread. The spirit of the OP seems to be that we should be kind one another. I challenge anyone to find fault in that.
I think you are putting your own projection on things here. Nobody said it's not OK for newbies to feel nervous or anxious or denying that there can be anxiety in being in a new environment or starting a new thing. I get it. They are out of their comfort zone. But it is their responsibility for how they feel. And typically growth comes from pushing ourselves through this kind of discomfort.
I am a longtime gym goer and I've never seen a newbie treated rudely or looked down upon. It is also no one else's responsibility to make sure the newbie feels ok. If someone chooses to do that, great. That is an act of kindness. But no one responsible for anyone but themselves. That applies to both the newbies and existing gym goers.
My own personal perspective is a general cynicism toward resolutioners knowing that many will wash out. But also a few will stick and make a real life change. And that's fabulous! Also, it's a pain in the butt for regular gym goers for the gym to be crowded and for it to take much longer to get your own routine done while on a tight time schedule. It is a short term issue and it happens every year. After a month or so, the washouts washout and the perserverers perservere.
I totally understand what you are saying but that it is a pain in the butt their are more people in the gym and it takes you longer and waiting for people to wash out. Why not root for more people to stick with it and continue on the path? I go to the gym regularly and avoid certain time because it is busier. I always think it is awesome so many are there and sad that in a month or two less than half will probably still be there. Again this is my perception of what you stated and is biased from my frame of reference.
I am glad to hear that no one is this very small sample has ever seen a newbie or anyone treated rudely or looked down upon. Maybe there is hope that civility is making a comeback.
Here is where you and I differ. It is not my responsibility to "root" for anyone. It's my responsibility to do me and it's other people's responsibility to do them. If I choose to encourage others, that is my choice but I don't owe that to anyone. And they don't owe that to me. Personal responsibility ourselves. IMHO, if this was practiced more widely, the world would be a better place.
That definitely is your right and I cannot project my views on to you. I do not think it is your or anyone's responsibility. And when I say root, I mean to hope that people are successful. Personally, I hope that everyone is successful in what they choose to do. If they continue to stay on the path to fitness and the gym is more crowded, then so be it.
I agree that everyone has a personal responsibility to take care of themselves. I am not saying you are doing this, but I think that people should not openly hope others fail to make their existence easier. To me it sounds like you are not hoping for failure just personal responsibility. And I agree with that 100%
I don't think anyone hopes that others fail. I think the whole inconvenience thing that can be an irritant to regular gym members is getting blown way out proportion here. From years of experience, it is pretty obvious that there are going to be washouts in the first month or so. I don't think anyone wishes for that. It's just an acknowledgement of a fact. I'm not sure why you or others think there are those looking to intimidate others or wishing for others to fail. Have you experienced this first hand?10 -
GottaBurnEmAll wrote: »Chef_Barbell wrote: »jimmyjbanks wrote: »snickerscharlie wrote: »The vast majority of regulars at the gym are totally focused on whatever their particular agenda is for that day, accomplishing that, and leaving. Honestly, they are so absorbed in what they are doing they have neither the time, interest nor the inclination to disparage anyone else.
If any gym newbies are experiencing any kind of negativity, it's most likely due to one of two things:
1) Your gym is full to the brim with nasty people.
2) Your personal discomfort level of being in a new and somewhat intimidating environment where you naturally feel out-of-place and awkward to begin with is making you interpret even the most casual and unintentional glances in your direction as some kind of disapproval.
My money's on Door #2.
So, if it is door #2, then if any of the gym regulars extended an olive branch or showed kindness towards them it probably would help the newbie feel more comfortable and at ease. Which was the intent of the OP, in my opinion. Why analyze the psychological makeup of a person when it would be as easy to say hi or show some kindness??? If a person feels a certain way then they do, a random compassionate stranger can make a huge difference.
Which is how this thread is derailed. It seems it is easier to say the newbie has insecurities and it is on them instead of showing kindness and have compassion for our fellow human.
If I were new and some stranger decided to talk to me, that would make me more uncomfortable than silence and being left alone. To each their own. 🤷🏼♀️
Ah! You beat me to this. Come sit on the same couch with me. We can sort of just chill on opposite ends in companionable silence.
The cool people couch :laugh:
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jimmyjbanks wrote: »Actually this post is directed at the gym regulars. The OP is saying Please take it easy on the "Resolutioners" It is not, titled, do not be scared, nobody is judging you...
Which is perpetuating and creating a preconceived notion for "resolutioners" that the gym is some scary, judgy place where all the regulars are going to look down on you, make fun of you and try to get you to quit. This honestly reads like a PF commercial.So basically, being nice and not judging newbies will discourage them?? With that type of logic, no amount of reason will prevail..
No....making it sound like the gym is some scary place where the "regulars" behave in a way that a post telling them to take it easy is what's discouraging.
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It's relevant because you brought it up, by stating that the gym has staff to prevent injury. That's not always the case.Chef_Barbell wrote: »rheddmobile wrote: »Chef_Barbell wrote: »rheddmobile wrote: »Chef_Barbell wrote: »jimmyjbanks wrote: »Chef_Barbell wrote: »jimmyjbanks wrote: »If I were new and some stranger decided to talk to me, that would make me more uncomfortable than silence and being left alone. To each their own. 🤷🏼♀️
You made my point for me. That is how you feel and me or anyone else dissecting it is not going to change it. So if a newbie feels intimidated or ANY similar feeling then telling them it is unwarranted is probably not going to change it.
I am not saying strike up a conversation and corner them; just say hi, offer a spot, etc... like the OP mentioned.
But doing just that might make a person feel more uncomfortable. So I'm not sure what point I made for you. 🤷🏼♀️
So someone who sees you struggling and offers a spot to keep you from hurting yourself would make you feel more uncomfortable? Would you rather they ignore you and let you hurt yourself?
Yes it would. People have social anxiety and other assorted social issues. Also, they have gym staff for this purpose so I wouldn't put myself in that position to begin with.
My gym doesn't have staff. I'm very grateful to helpful members who gently assisted me when I was new - I remember one massive guy telling me to watch my tendency to look at my feet during deadlifts. He smiled and didn't make me feel awkward, and possibly prevented an injury.
Social anxiety can be terrible, I understand. But all other people can do is try to be polite and kind. If you dislike kindness and your anxiety prevents you from expressing a preference, you're going to end up in situations where well-intentioned people make you anxious. That's nobody's fault.
My answer is this exactly:gottaburnthemall wrote:When I first started going to gyms, the absolute thing that would have sent me screaming from the whole experience would have been for someone to come talk to me and try to "show me the ropes". That's what the staff is for, and when I needed to know about something or felt confused, that's who I asked.
I'm an introvert. Gym time was always "me" time. I didn't want to be bothered with other members, and didn't join for a social experience.
I never said it was anyone's fault. That's on you.
Again: no staff.
Again not relevant to me or this topic. Not everyone wants someone to "show them the ropes".
I get that. However, I strongly disagree that it's a reason to discourage people from being friendly to new gym-goers. The overwhelming majority of people do find smiles more encouraging than eye contact avoidance, and they prefer not being injured to being ignored when the struggle. There are outliers and you are one of them. However, no one should assume all people are outliers.5 -
jimmyjbanks wrote: »jimmyjbanks wrote: »jimmyjbanks wrote: »jimmyjbanks wrote: »Chef_Barbell wrote: »jimmyjbanks wrote: »Chef_Barbell wrote: »jimmyjbanks wrote: »Chef_Barbell wrote: »jimmyjbanks wrote: »Chef_Barbell wrote: »jimmyjbanks wrote: »If I were new and some stranger decided to talk to me, that would make me more uncomfortable than silence and being left alone. To each their own. 🤷🏼♀️
You made my point for me. That is how you feel and me or anyone else dissecting it is not going to change it. So if a newbie feels intimidated or ANY similar feeling then telling them it is unwarranted is probably not going to change it.
I am not saying strike up a conversation and corner them; just say hi, offer a spot, etc... like the OP mentioned.
But doing just that might make a person feel more uncomfortable. So I'm not sure what point I made for you. 🤷🏼♀️
So someone who sees you struggling and offers a spot to keep you from hurting yourself would make you feel more uncomfortable? Would you rather they ignore you and let you hurt yourself?
Yes it would. People have social anxiety and other assorted social issues. Also, they have gym staff for this purpose so I wouldn't put myself in that position to begin with.
OK, in my view I do not see why it should make you feel uncomfortable. But that is my view. In this thread, it has been stated that if the newbies are intimidated or feel related feeling it is their own insecurities. Other posters are saying it is the newbie's own issue. That is the posters telling the newbies how they should feel.
You made a valid statement that no one can tell someone else how they should feel. So why is it ok to tell the newbies it is their mind and not valid but I cannot say your feeling is invalid??
I don't think anyone in this thread said a new person's feelings are invalid.
They said it is in their heads and they should not feel that way....It is their own insecurities...
Projection of insecurity is a real and valid thing. That doesn't mean a person's feelings are invalid though. Of course if someone is outwardly being a DB, there are always those in the world everywhere.
I totally agree but saying this "Your personal discomfort level of being in a new and somewhat intimidating environment where you naturally feel out-of-place and awkward to begin with is making you interpret even the most casual and unintentional glances in your direction as some kind of disapproval." is basically saying you are feeling insecure but it is on you. Why not admit that the newbies are dealing with their own anxiety of being in a new environment. And it is ok for them to feel that way?
This thread went from a "be kind to your fellow human" vibe to a "let's discuss social anxiety" thread. The spirit of the OP seems to be that we should be kind one another. I challenge anyone to find fault in that.
I think you are putting your own projection on things here. Nobody said it's not OK for newbies to feel nervous or anxious or denying that there can be anxiety in being in a new environment or starting a new thing. I get it. They are out of their comfort zone. But it is their responsibility for how they feel. And typically growth comes from pushing ourselves through this kind of discomfort.
I am a longtime gym goer and I've never seen a newbie treated rudely or looked down upon. It is also no one else's responsibility to make sure the newbie feels ok. If someone chooses to do that, great. That is an act of kindness. But no one responsible for anyone but themselves. That applies to both the newbies and existing gym goers.
My own personal perspective is a general cynicism toward resolutioners knowing that many will wash out. But also a few will stick and make a real life change. And that's fabulous! Also, it's a pain in the butt for regular gym goers for the gym to be crowded and for it to take much longer to get your own routine done while on a tight time schedule. It is a short term issue and it happens every year. After a month or so, the washouts washout and the perserverers perservere.
I totally understand what you are saying but that it is a pain in the butt their are more people in the gym and it takes you longer and waiting for people to wash out. Why not root for more people to stick with it and continue on the path? I go to the gym regularly and avoid certain time because it is busier. I always think it is awesome so many are there and sad that in a month or two less than half will probably still be there. Again this is my perception of what you stated and is biased from my frame of reference.
I am glad to hear that no one is this very small sample has ever seen a newbie or anyone treated rudely or looked down upon. Maybe there is hope that civility is making a comeback.
Here is where you and I differ. It is not my responsibility to "root" for anyone. It's my responsibility to do me and it's other people's responsibility to do them. If I choose to encourage others, that is my choice but I don't owe that to anyone. And they don't owe that to me. Personal responsibility ourselves. IMHO, if this was practiced more widely, the world would be a better place.
That definitely is your right and I cannot project my views on to you. I do not think it is your or anyone's responsibility. And when I say root, I mean to hope that people are successful. Personally, I hope that everyone is successful in what they choose to do. If they continue to stay on the path to fitness and the gym is more crowded, then so be it.
I agree that everyone has a personal responsibility to take care of themselves. I am not saying you are doing this, but I think that people should not openly hope others fail to make their existence easier. To me it sounds like you are not hoping for failure just personal responsibility. And I agree with that 100%
I don't think anyone hopes that others fail. I think the whole inconvenience thing that can be an irritant to regular gym members is getting blown way out proportion here. From years of experience, it is pretty obvious that there are going to be washouts in the first month or so. I don't think anyone wishes for that. It's just an acknowledgement of a fact. I'm not sure why you or others think there are those looking to intimidate others or wishing for others to fail. Have you experienced this first hand?
As I said in my post, I did not think that you felt that way.
I have seen behavior in the gym where others were trying to be intimidating and disrespectful to others and I do not go to that gym any longer. I made it a point to confront them and also pointed it out to the staff. I have overheard people talking and hoping that the new ones washout sooner than later and they will be glad when they are gone. I have seen it in these forums as well. I have also unfriended people on here who shared that view. So yes, I have witnessed it firsthand.
Sadly, we can't make the world jerk free and there are going to be some anywhere you go. This kind of thing should be reported to staff and they should handle it.
I belonged to an MMA gym and there were some hardcore types there who were kind of intimidating just by their presence without really trying. But they were all nice guys who were just into their sport and the management of the gym would not have tolerated any baloney.
Now, if the staff doesn't address it after being informed, I'd go somewhere else. But that kind of situation is the minor exception and not the rule. Bottom line is, unless you are marketing yourself as the jack-up gym and only looking for those macho jerky types, to allow an unfriendly, intimidating environment is just plain bad for business. There are very few of those types of gyms that intentionally create that kind of environment and they are pretty obvious.
For the most part these fears of intimidation and insecurity and self inflicted. I have empathy for it. But, at some point in life, we all decide what is important to us. We pull on our big boy pants (or big girl pants) and go get it done. We own our own lives and outcomes. If we give that ownership for our values and goals up to someone else because we find them intimidating, that is on us.5 -
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rheddmobile wrote: »
It's relevant because you brought it up, by stating that the gym has staff to prevent injury. That's not always the case.Chef_Barbell wrote: »rheddmobile wrote: »Chef_Barbell wrote: »rheddmobile wrote: »Chef_Barbell wrote: »jimmyjbanks wrote: »Chef_Barbell wrote: »jimmyjbanks wrote: »If I were new and some stranger decided to talk to me, that would make me more uncomfortable than silence and being left alone. To each their own. 🤷🏼♀️
You made my point for me. That is how you feel and me or anyone else dissecting it is not going to change it. So if a newbie feels intimidated or ANY similar feeling then telling them it is unwarranted is probably not going to change it.
I am not saying strike up a conversation and corner them; just say hi, offer a spot, etc... like the OP mentioned.
But doing just that might make a person feel more uncomfortable. So I'm not sure what point I made for you. 🤷🏼♀️
So someone who sees you struggling and offers a spot to keep you from hurting yourself would make you feel more uncomfortable? Would you rather they ignore you and let you hurt yourself?
Yes it would. People have social anxiety and other assorted social issues. Also, they have gym staff for this purpose so I wouldn't put myself in that position to begin with.
My gym doesn't have staff. I'm very grateful to helpful members who gently assisted me when I was new - I remember one massive guy telling me to watch my tendency to look at my feet during deadlifts. He smiled and didn't make me feel awkward, and possibly prevented an injury.
Social anxiety can be terrible, I understand. But all other people can do is try to be polite and kind. If you dislike kindness and your anxiety prevents you from expressing a preference, you're going to end up in situations where well-intentioned people make you anxious. That's nobody's fault.
My answer is this exactly:gottaburnthemall wrote:When I first started going to gyms, the absolute thing that would have sent me screaming from the whole experience would have been for someone to come talk to me and try to "show me the ropes". That's what the staff is for, and when I needed to know about something or felt confused, that's who I asked.
I'm an introvert. Gym time was always "me" time. I didn't want to be bothered with other members, and didn't join for a social experience.
I never said it was anyone's fault. That's on you.
Again: no staff.
Again not relevant to me or this topic. Not everyone wants someone to "show them the ropes".
I get that. However, I strongly disagree that it's a reason to discourage people from being friendly to new gym-goers. The overwhelming majority of people do find smiles more encouraging than eye contact avoidance, and they prefer not being injured to being ignored when the struggle. There are outliers and you are one of them. However, no one should assume all people are outliers.
How do you know this? :huh:
A lot of bold assumptions there. 🤷🏼♀️
And a gym without staff probably isnt the best place for a new person to begin with.11 -
rheddmobile wrote: »
It's relevant because you brought it up, by stating that the gym has staff to prevent injury. That's not always the case.Chef_Barbell wrote: »rheddmobile wrote: »Chef_Barbell wrote: »rheddmobile wrote: »Chef_Barbell wrote: »jimmyjbanks wrote: »Chef_Barbell wrote: »jimmyjbanks wrote: »If I were new and some stranger decided to talk to me, that would make me more uncomfortable than silence and being left alone. To each their own. 🤷🏼♀️
You made my point for me. That is how you feel and me or anyone else dissecting it is not going to change it. So if a newbie feels intimidated or ANY similar feeling then telling them it is unwarranted is probably not going to change it.
I am not saying strike up a conversation and corner them; just say hi, offer a spot, etc... like the OP mentioned.
But doing just that might make a person feel more uncomfortable. So I'm not sure what point I made for you. 🤷🏼♀️
So someone who sees you struggling and offers a spot to keep you from hurting yourself would make you feel more uncomfortable? Would you rather they ignore you and let you hurt yourself?
Yes it would. People have social anxiety and other assorted social issues. Also, they have gym staff for this purpose so I wouldn't put myself in that position to begin with.
My gym doesn't have staff. I'm very grateful to helpful members who gently assisted me when I was new - I remember one massive guy telling me to watch my tendency to look at my feet during deadlifts. He smiled and didn't make me feel awkward, and possibly prevented an injury.
Social anxiety can be terrible, I understand. But all other people can do is try to be polite and kind. If you dislike kindness and your anxiety prevents you from expressing a preference, you're going to end up in situations where well-intentioned people make you anxious. That's nobody's fault.
My answer is this exactly:gottaburnthemall wrote:When I first started going to gyms, the absolute thing that would have sent me screaming from the whole experience would have been for someone to come talk to me and try to "show me the ropes". That's what the staff is for, and when I needed to know about something or felt confused, that's who I asked.
I'm an introvert. Gym time was always "me" time. I didn't want to be bothered with other members, and didn't join for a social experience.
I never said it was anyone's fault. That's on you.
Again: no staff.
Again not relevant to me or this topic. Not everyone wants someone to "show them the ropes".
I get that. However, I strongly disagree that it's a reason to discourage people from being friendly to new gym-goers. The overwhelming majority of people do find smiles more encouraging than eye contact avoidance, and they prefer not being injured to being ignored when the struggle. There are outliers and you are one of them. However, no one should assume all people are outliers.
Quite honestly, I would find random strangers smiling in the gym at me creepy not encouraging. And I am reasonably social at the gym. I say hello to people I know and am outgoing and generally friendly to those I don't. But I don't smile at random people. I just go about my business in a businesslike way and try to be considerate of others.7 -
Trolls are trolls, both on the Internet and in the gym. Just as much as you have noobs that feel out of place you also have douchbags that are ALWAYS a *kitten* in the gym no matter what time of year it is. You can be going to the same gym for years, work out every day and eventually some person will get on the bench next to you and lift twice what you are lifting just "to show that wimp". And yes, if that's you, then it's transparent when you are lifting for you rather than lifting for the sake of others (the wimp, the hot girl, whatever).
You have to let trolls be trolls without any affirmation because it is the affirmation that keeps trolls trolling. If you ignore them they they get no satisfaction at all.
I'm not a wimpy guy, I lift 4-5 days each week and swim and yoga and run and cycle and hike in between - plus I'm former military and if I really want to intimidate others I could easily do so but I just pop in my headphones and do my thing and those around me just become wall flowers and I ignore them. Those that I see regularly I always reach a hand out to so I can introduce myself and say hi because I'll see them again in there.
Noobs are often quite easily recognizable (you know, they got it in their head to get ripped and their first day lifting weights they are trying to push up 200lbs in a way that you are certain will either kill them or seriously injure them) and if they seem to want help then I'll offer to spot or help them.
But here's the thing: I have serious respect for ANYONE in the gym, regardless of fitness level, because they are trying to be healthier so I see zero point in being a jerk or trying to "one up" them or anything.
Nothing different about people new on here. I'm also part of a group of people that help people quit smoking and 90% of those that join on day 1 aren't there on day 10 and every day until their last I cheer them on because 10 days without smoking is better than none so go you!
That being said, if you complain of weight gain and you are eating 30 Twinkies a day but are pissed because you 1mph walk for 5 minutes isn't doing anything then I'm probably going to be a bit judgmental about that because you aren't even trying. Same thing for the smoker that has just one or two a day because they are stressed, either quit or don't.
All of this isn't being "nice to resolution setters" it's just being a good human being.2 -
jimmyjbanks wrote: »jimmyjbanks wrote: »jimmyjbanks wrote: »Chef_Barbell wrote: »jimmyjbanks wrote: »Chef_Barbell wrote: »jimmyjbanks wrote: »Chef_Barbell wrote: »jimmyjbanks wrote: »Chef_Barbell wrote: »jimmyjbanks wrote: »If I were new and some stranger decided to talk to me, that would make me more uncomfortable than silence and being left alone. To each their own. 🤷🏼♀️
You made my point for me. That is how you feel and me or anyone else dissecting it is not going to change it. So if a newbie feels intimidated or ANY similar feeling then telling them it is unwarranted is probably not going to change it.
I am not saying strike up a conversation and corner them; just say hi, offer a spot, etc... like the OP mentioned.
But doing just that might make a person feel more uncomfortable. So I'm not sure what point I made for you. 🤷🏼♀️
So someone who sees you struggling and offers a spot to keep you from hurting yourself would make you feel more uncomfortable? Would you rather they ignore you and let you hurt yourself?
Yes it would. People have social anxiety and other assorted social issues. Also, they have gym staff for this purpose so I wouldn't put myself in that position to begin with.
OK, in my view I do not see why it should make you feel uncomfortable. But that is my view. In this thread, it has been stated that if the newbies are intimidated or feel related feeling it is their own insecurities. Other posters are saying it is the newbie's own issue. That is the posters telling the newbies how they should feel.
You made a valid statement that no one can tell someone else how they should feel. So why is it ok to tell the newbies it is their mind and not valid but I cannot say your feeling is invalid??
I don't think anyone in this thread said a new person's feelings are invalid.
They said it is in their heads and they should not feel that way....It is their own insecurities...
Projection of insecurity is a real and valid thing. That doesn't mean a person's feelings are invalid though. Of course if someone is outwardly being a DB, there are always those in the world everywhere.
I totally agree but saying this "Your personal discomfort level of being in a new and somewhat intimidating environment where you naturally feel out-of-place and awkward to begin with is making you interpret even the most casual and unintentional glances in your direction as some kind of disapproval." is basically saying you are feeling insecure but it is on you. Why not admit that the newbies are dealing with their own anxiety of being in a new environment. And it is ok for them to feel that way?
This thread went from a "be kind to your fellow human" vibe to a "let's discuss social anxiety" thread. The spirit of the OP seems to be that we should be kind one another. I challenge anyone to find fault in that.
I think you are putting your own projection on things here. Nobody said it's not OK for newbies to feel nervous or anxious or denying that there can be anxiety in being in a new environment or starting a new thing. I get it. They are out of their comfort zone. But it is their responsibility for how they feel. And typically growth comes from pushing ourselves through this kind of discomfort.
I am a longtime gym goer and I've never seen a newbie treated rudely or looked down upon. It is also no one else's responsibility to make sure the newbie feels ok. If someone chooses to do that, great. That is an act of kindness. But no one responsible for anyone but themselves. That applies to both the newbies and existing gym goers.
My own personal perspective is a general cynicism toward resolutioners knowing that many will wash out. But also a few will stick and make a real life change. And that's fabulous! Also, it's a pain in the butt for regular gym goers for the gym to be crowded and for it to take much longer to get your own routine done while on a tight time schedule. It is a short term issue and it happens every year. After a month or so, the washouts washout and the perserverers perservere.
I totally understand what you are saying but that it is a pain in the butt their are more people in the gym and it takes you longer and waiting for people to wash out. Why not root for more people to stick with it and continue on the path? I go to the gym regularly and avoid certain time because it is busier. I always think it is awesome so many are there and sad that in a month or two less than half will probably still be there. Again this is my perception of what you stated and is biased from my frame of reference.
I am glad to hear that no one is this very small sample has ever seen a newbie or anyone treated rudely or looked down upon. Maybe there is hope that civility is making a comeback.
Here is where you and I differ. It is not my responsibility to "root" for anyone. It's my responsibility to do me and it's other people's responsibility to do them. If I choose to encourage others, that is my choice but I don't owe that to anyone. And they don't owe that to me. Personal responsibility ourselves. IMHO, if this was practiced more widely, the world would be a better place.
That definitely is your right and I cannot project my views on to you. I do not think it is your or anyone's responsibility. And when I say root, I mean to hope that people are successful. Personally, I hope that everyone is successful in what they choose to do. If they continue to stay on the path to fitness and the gym is more crowded, then so be it.
I agree that everyone has a personal responsibility to take care of themselves. I am not saying you are doing this, but I think that people should not openly hope others fail to make their existence easier. To me it sounds like you are not hoping for failure just personal responsibility. And I agree with that 100%
It's the business model of many if not most gyms that people will sign up for a long contract and seldom if ever show up at the gym.
A new Planet Fitness opened within 2 miles of the 2 gyms where I have a membership. My gyms are business as usual, no extra crowds except a few kids home on college break. The resolutioners in the area are going to PF as it's cheaper.1 -
jimmyjbanks wrote: »jimmyjbanks wrote: »Actually this post is directed at the gym regulars. The OP is saying Please take it easy on the "Resolutioners" It is not, titled, do not be scared, nobody is judging you...
Which is perpetuating and creating a preconceived notion for "resolutioners" that the gym is some scary, judgy place where all the regulars are going to look down on you, make fun of you and try to get you to quit. This honestly reads like a PF commercial.So basically, being nice and not judging newbies will discourage them?? With that type of logic, no amount of reason will prevail..
No....making it sound like the gym is some scary place where the "regulars" behave in a way that a post telling them to take it easy is what's discouraging.
It may be perpetuating a preconceived notion but the OP felt strongly enough to post about it. People just want to be comfortable wherever they are even when they are insecure.
Some gyms and clubs do have that type of environment. Calling it out and addressing it is a good way to change it and begin to eradicate it. Thankfully, most, if not all, posters in here have not seen it so maybe it is actually not as prevalent of an issue.
I think everyone who has commented here is against this type of rude behavior or any type of bullying. That is an awesome thing and I hope it spreads.
So then maybe it's worth pointing out that the gym isn't really some place that's fully of judgy mcjudgertons, like most posters are trying to do rather than perpetuating the gym stereotype and telling the regulars to "take it easy"??6 -
Chef_Barbell wrote: »jimmyjbanks wrote: »snickerscharlie wrote: »The vast majority of regulars at the gym are totally focused on whatever their particular agenda is for that day, accomplishing that, and leaving. Honestly, they are so absorbed in what they are doing they have neither the time, interest nor the inclination to disparage anyone else.
If any gym newbies are experiencing any kind of negativity, it's most likely due to one of two things:
1) Your gym is full to the brim with nasty people.
2) Your personal discomfort level of being in a new and somewhat intimidating environment where you naturally feel out-of-place and awkward to begin with is making you interpret even the most casual and unintentional glances in your direction as some kind of disapproval.
My money's on Door #2.
So, if it is door #2, then if any of the gym regulars extended an olive branch or showed kindness towards them it probably would help the newbie feel more comfortable and at ease. Which was the intent of the OP, in my opinion. Why analyze the psychological makeup of a person when it would be as easy to say hi or show some kindness??? If a person feels a certain way then they do, a random compassionate stranger can make a huge difference.
Which is how this thread is derailed. It seems it is easier to say the newbie has insecurities and it is on them instead of showing kindness and have compassion for our fellow human.
If I were new and some stranger decided to talk to me, that would make me more uncomfortable than silence and being left alone. To each their own. 🤷🏼♀️
Yes, so much this. I'd hate being assumed to be new, even if I were.
And I don't know how I'm supposed to know who is new and who is just coming back after taking a couple of months off or usually going on a different day/time anyway. This is all so silly.7 -
jimmyjbanks wrote: »Actually this post is directed at the gym regulars. The OP is saying Please take it easy on the "Resolutioners" It is not, titled, do not be scared, nobody is judging you...
So basically, being nice and not judging newbies will discourage them?? With that type of logic, no amount of reason will prevail..
Pretending like people are going to be mean and judge newbies is discouraging, especially as it doesn't really happen.6
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