Please take it easy on the "Resolutioners"
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For Resolutioners...
It's by no means appropriate for anyone to make you feel uncomfortable for trying to better yourself...
But expect there to be Dbs who will....
It's going to be part of the journey, part of the struggle, just another thing you will have to overcome and part of the game...
The big question is, are you going to let this be the thing that derails your efforts for another year... A few Db's, who frankly everyone else already knows is a DB...
Let these people motivate you...
You belong there, otherwise you wouldn't be there...4 -
I am a runner and have lost track of the times people (non-runners and people who might be carrying a bit of extra weight) have told me they're too embarrassed to run outside, or intimidated to join a running club. I can categorically tell you that any runner/fit person is almost guaranteed to be inwardly willing on any newbies they notice, and have utmost respect for their willingness to show up and have a go. I bet most people in the gym either won't give you a second thought, or will think 'good for you'.4
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jimmyjbanks wrote: »If I were new and some stranger decided to talk to me, that would make me more uncomfortable than silence and being left alone. To each their own. 🤷🏼♀️
You made my point for me. That is how you feel and me or anyone else dissecting it is not going to change it. So if a newbie feels intimidated or ANY similar feeling then telling them it is unwarranted is probably not going to change it.
I am not saying strike up a conversation and corner them; just say hi, offer a spot, etc... like the OP mentioned.
But doing just that might make a person feel more uncomfortable. So I'm not sure what point I made for you. 🤷🏼♀️6 -
jimmyjbanks wrote: »Chef_Barbell wrote: »jimmyjbanks wrote: »If I were new and some stranger decided to talk to me, that would make me more uncomfortable than silence and being left alone. To each their own. 🤷🏼♀️
You made my point for me. That is how you feel and me or anyone else dissecting it is not going to change it. So if a newbie feels intimidated or ANY similar feeling then telling them it is unwarranted is probably not going to change it.
I am not saying strike up a conversation and corner them; just say hi, offer a spot, etc... like the OP mentioned.
But doing just that might make a person feel more uncomfortable. So I'm not sure what point I made for you. 🤷🏼♀️
So someone who sees you struggling and offers a spot to keep you from hurting yourself would make you feel more uncomfortable? Would you rather they ignore you and let you hurt yourself?
Yes it would. People have social anxiety and other assorted social issues. Also, they have gym staff for this purpose so I wouldn't put myself in that position to begin with.11 -
Absolutely! I started on this journey in January last year. I had been thinking about it for a while, and was ready to buckle down in January, after the holidays were past. Whenever people get ready, they are welcome!1
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jimmyjbanks wrote: »Chef_Barbell wrote: »jimmyjbanks wrote: »Chef_Barbell wrote: »jimmyjbanks wrote: »If I were new and some stranger decided to talk to me, that would make me more uncomfortable than silence and being left alone. To each their own. 🤷🏼♀️
You made my point for me. That is how you feel and me or anyone else dissecting it is not going to change it. So if a newbie feels intimidated or ANY similar feeling then telling them it is unwarranted is probably not going to change it.
I am not saying strike up a conversation and corner them; just say hi, offer a spot, etc... like the OP mentioned.
But doing just that might make a person feel more uncomfortable. So I'm not sure what point I made for you. 🤷🏼♀️
So someone who sees you struggling and offers a spot to keep you from hurting yourself would make you feel more uncomfortable? Would you rather they ignore you and let you hurt yourself?
Yes it would. People have social anxiety and other assorted social issues. Also, they have gym staff for this purpose so I wouldn't put myself in that position to begin with.
OK, in my view I do not see why it should make you feel uncomfortable. But that is my view. In this thread, it has been stated that if the newbies are intimidated or feel related feeling it is their own insecurities. Other posters are saying it is the newbie's own issue. That is the posters telling the newbies how they should feel.
You made a valid statement that no one can tell someone else how they should feel. So why is it ok to tell the newbies it is their mind and not valid but I cannot say your feeling is invalid??
I don't think anyone in this thread said a new person's feelings are invalid.8 -
jimmyjbanks wrote: »Chef_Barbell wrote: »jimmyjbanks wrote: »Chef_Barbell wrote: »jimmyjbanks wrote: »Chef_Barbell wrote: »jimmyjbanks wrote: »If I were new and some stranger decided to talk to me, that would make me more uncomfortable than silence and being left alone. To each their own. 🤷🏼♀️
You made my point for me. That is how you feel and me or anyone else dissecting it is not going to change it. So if a newbie feels intimidated or ANY similar feeling then telling them it is unwarranted is probably not going to change it.
I am not saying strike up a conversation and corner them; just say hi, offer a spot, etc... like the OP mentioned.
But doing just that might make a person feel more uncomfortable. So I'm not sure what point I made for you. 🤷🏼♀️
So someone who sees you struggling and offers a spot to keep you from hurting yourself would make you feel more uncomfortable? Would you rather they ignore you and let you hurt yourself?
Yes it would. People have social anxiety and other assorted social issues. Also, they have gym staff for this purpose so I wouldn't put myself in that position to begin with.
OK, in my view I do not see why it should make you feel uncomfortable. But that is my view. In this thread, it has been stated that if the newbies are intimidated or feel related feeling it is their own insecurities. Other posters are saying it is the newbie's own issue. That is the posters telling the newbies how they should feel.
You made a valid statement that no one can tell someone else how they should feel. So why is it ok to tell the newbies it is their mind and not valid but I cannot say your feeling is invalid??
I don't think anyone in this thread said a new person's feelings are invalid.
They said it is in their heads and they should not feel that way....It is their own insecurities...
Projection of insecurity is a real and valid thing. That doesn't mean a person's feelings are invalid though. Of course if someone is outwardly being a DB, there are always those in the world everywhere.5 -
Chef_Barbell wrote: »jimmyjbanks wrote: »Chef_Barbell wrote: »jimmyjbanks wrote: »If I were new and some stranger decided to talk to me, that would make me more uncomfortable than silence and being left alone. To each their own. 🤷🏼♀️
You made my point for me. That is how you feel and me or anyone else dissecting it is not going to change it. So if a newbie feels intimidated or ANY similar feeling then telling them it is unwarranted is probably not going to change it.
I am not saying strike up a conversation and corner them; just say hi, offer a spot, etc... like the OP mentioned.
But doing just that might make a person feel more uncomfortable. So I'm not sure what point I made for you. 🤷🏼♀️
So someone who sees you struggling and offers a spot to keep you from hurting yourself would make you feel more uncomfortable? Would you rather they ignore you and let you hurt yourself?
Yes it would. People have social anxiety and other assorted social issues. Also, they have gym staff for this purpose so I wouldn't put myself in that position to begin with.
This. At 5:45 in the morning, the average gym goer is just trying to get their workout in and not get to work late. They might notice it's more crowded, but I doubt most would even know who in the gym at any moment is a regular or a newbie, and they are worrying about their own family/schedule/problems, not judging you. I recently had co-worker tell me that he bumped into another co-worker in the parking lot of his gym, and it turns out they've both been going at the same time for months and never even noticed each other!
It's totally understandable to be nervous or self-conscious, but understanding that this is normal and something you don't really need to worry about is IMHO one of the best ways to get past it.
If you are new and unsure what to do or how to use the equipment, introduce yourself to staff at the front door and ask for help. They are literally paid to do that, so don't feel bad about it AT ALL. They certainly don't want you to feel intimidated or hurt yourself. Honestly, if the staff at your gym don't help when you ask and make you feel comfortable, find another gym. It's the staff's job to make sure you like it there and know how to do anything you intend to do there; it's the other's customers responsibility to show common courtesy. It's nice if they can do more than that, but the fact that they might not doesn't mean you aren't welcome. For many (if not most) the gym is a place to get in, get it done, and get out.8 -
jimmyjbanks wrote: »So why is it ok to tell the newbies it is their mind and not valid but I cannot say your feeling is invalid??
Noone said their feelings are invalid, only that they are more than likely not being judged as much as they think they are. We are offering a different perspective in a forum designed for open conversations and debates. You don't seem to want to see both sides of the issue, just yours.11 -
jimmyjbanks wrote: »Chef_Barbell wrote: »jimmyjbanks wrote: »Chef_Barbell wrote: »jimmyjbanks wrote: »Chef_Barbell wrote: »jimmyjbanks wrote: »Chef_Barbell wrote: »jimmyjbanks wrote: »If I were new and some stranger decided to talk to me, that would make me more uncomfortable than silence and being left alone. To each their own. 🤷🏼♀️
You made my point for me. That is how you feel and me or anyone else dissecting it is not going to change it. So if a newbie feels intimidated or ANY similar feeling then telling them it is unwarranted is probably not going to change it.
I am not saying strike up a conversation and corner them; just say hi, offer a spot, etc... like the OP mentioned.
But doing just that might make a person feel more uncomfortable. So I'm not sure what point I made for you. 🤷🏼♀️
So someone who sees you struggling and offers a spot to keep you from hurting yourself would make you feel more uncomfortable? Would you rather they ignore you and let you hurt yourself?
Yes it would. People have social anxiety and other assorted social issues. Also, they have gym staff for this purpose so I wouldn't put myself in that position to begin with.
OK, in my view I do not see why it should make you feel uncomfortable. But that is my view. In this thread, it has been stated that if the newbies are intimidated or feel related feeling it is their own insecurities. Other posters are saying it is the newbie's own issue. That is the posters telling the newbies how they should feel.
You made a valid statement that no one can tell someone else how they should feel. So why is it ok to tell the newbies it is their mind and not valid but I cannot say your feeling is invalid??
I don't think anyone in this thread said a new person's feelings are invalid.
They said it is in their heads and they should not feel that way....It is their own insecurities...
Projection of insecurity is a real and valid thing. That doesn't mean a person's feelings are invalid though. Of course if someone is outwardly being a DB, there are always those in the world everywhere.
I totally agree but saying this "Your personal discomfort level of being in a new and somewhat intimidating environment where you naturally feel out-of-place and awkward to begin with is making you interpret even the most casual and unintentional glances in your direction as some kind of disapproval." is basically saying you are feeling insecure but it is on you. Why not admit that the newbies are dealing with their own anxiety of being in a new environment. And it is ok for them to feel that way?
This thread went from a "be kind to your fellow human" vibe to a "let's discuss social anxiety" thread. The spirit of the OP seems to be that we should be kind one another. I challenge anyone to find fault in that.
Does the world need more kindness and compassion? Yes probably. However, everyone is different and that's what I get from this thread. I saw people being encouraging despite obstacles (perceived or otherwise). Meaning go to the gym and do your thing and not worry about the next person.4 -
jimmyjbanks wrote: »Chef_Barbell wrote: »jimmyjbanks wrote: »Chef_Barbell wrote: »jimmyjbanks wrote: »Chef_Barbell wrote: »jimmyjbanks wrote: »Chef_Barbell wrote: »jimmyjbanks wrote: »If I were new and some stranger decided to talk to me, that would make me more uncomfortable than silence and being left alone. To each their own. 🤷🏼♀️
You made my point for me. That is how you feel and me or anyone else dissecting it is not going to change it. So if a newbie feels intimidated or ANY similar feeling then telling them it is unwarranted is probably not going to change it.
I am not saying strike up a conversation and corner them; just say hi, offer a spot, etc... like the OP mentioned.
But doing just that might make a person feel more uncomfortable. So I'm not sure what point I made for you. 🤷🏼♀️
So someone who sees you struggling and offers a spot to keep you from hurting yourself would make you feel more uncomfortable? Would you rather they ignore you and let you hurt yourself?
Yes it would. People have social anxiety and other assorted social issues. Also, they have gym staff for this purpose so I wouldn't put myself in that position to begin with.
OK, in my view I do not see why it should make you feel uncomfortable. But that is my view. In this thread, it has been stated that if the newbies are intimidated or feel related feeling it is their own insecurities. Other posters are saying it is the newbie's own issue. That is the posters telling the newbies how they should feel.
You made a valid statement that no one can tell someone else how they should feel. So why is it ok to tell the newbies it is their mind and not valid but I cannot say your feeling is invalid??
I don't think anyone in this thread said a new person's feelings are invalid.
They said it is in their heads and they should not feel that way....It is their own insecurities...
Projection of insecurity is a real and valid thing. That doesn't mean a person's feelings are invalid though. Of course if someone is outwardly being a DB, there are always those in the world everywhere.
I totally agree but saying this "Your personal discomfort level of being in a new and somewhat intimidating environment where you naturally feel out-of-place and awkward to begin with is making you interpret even the most casual and unintentional glances in your direction as some kind of disapproval." is basically saying you are feeling insecure but it is on you. Why not admit that the newbies are dealing with their own anxiety of being in a new environment. And it is ok for them to feel that way?
This thread went from a "be kind to your fellow human" vibe to a "let's discuss social anxiety" thread. The spirit of the OP seems to be that we should be kind one another. I challenge anyone to find fault in that.
I read the OP as saying it is typical for people to look down at and judge newbies at the gym, so why not change that and be nice instead? Which actually sounds really discouraging to newbies in my opinion. What I see in the responses is people saying - I don't believe it is typical for people to judge or be unkind to newbies, they are probably just self-conscious and assuming people are judging them. Basically telling newbies - don't be scared, nobody is judging you, just get in there and do your thing.12 -
the judging stares are most likely in your head due to being out of your comfort zone. If you go to the gym at any point throughout the year, you will see all kinds of different people. Some are overweight and out of shape. No one stares and judges them.3
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jimmyjbanks wrote: »Actually this post is directed at the gym regulars. The OP is saying Please take it easy on the "Resolutioners" It is not, titled, do not be scared, nobody is judging you...
So basically, being nice and not judging newbies will discourage them?? With that type of logic, no amount of reason will prevail..
How do you even determine someone is new? I sure can't in my gym. I don't pay attention to who comes and goes.
I don't understand who exactly is being hard on the new people anyway. I do know if I were at the gym and some person just assumed I was new from some pre conceived notion, that wouldn't sit well with me.6 -
lynn_glenmont wrote: »Chocolate_is_my_Kryptonite wrote: »There is this trend to look down at the hoards of new faces that enter the gym during the first part of the year. This 4th day of January I am asking that we don't take the usual stance and be kind to the "resolutioners". I would venture to guess that we all didn't come out of the womb in perfect tip top physical shape and had to start at some point.
The people that are making these decisions to change their situation for the better should not be looked down upon, but embraced and brought into a healthy life. There are the ones that aren't serious but I would think that the majority of these people come into the gym really wanting to make a change for the better and it is intimidating to walk into a gym as an overweight unhealthy person and see all of the men and women that have been there working for a long time. You have to work out next to these people that have bodies that look like they may as well have been chiseled from stone and you are sitting there with your too tight t shirt showing the rolls you are trying to get rid of and maybe trying out a new workout that you have never done before while feeling the judging glare from someone you can only dream about looking half way as good as.
So please in this 2019 if you see a new face in the gym can we just say hello? Or if they look lost try to point them in the right direction? Maybe give them a spot if they are struggling or some tips on their form in a friendly manner. This might lead to a positive experience in the gym and maybe next year they will be able to lend a hand to the next class of "resolutioners".
I don't know where you're getting this "looking down at" and "judging glare" stuff from, unless you're projecting your own feelings on others. It's certainly not the attitude I have encountered in decades at all kinds of gyms (and I have never been close to "chiseled" myself), and it's not the attitude I've encountered on the discussion boards here, either.
I think its a lot of online jokes/humour where people are angry that so many people who aren't going to see it through are taking up their valuable gym space. It is Just a bad attitude to have. I think in the real physical world everyone is much nicer and supportive. I'm sure the gym wants these people to stay.6 -
jimmyjbanks wrote: »Actually this post is directed at the gym regulars. The OP is saying Please take it easy on the "Resolutioners" It is not, titled, do not be scared, nobody is judging you...
So basically, being nice and not judging newbies will discourage them?? With that type of logic, no amount of reason will prevail..
No, saying it is typical for newbies to be judged is discouraging. Asking - Please, don't be mean to newbies like you usually are - is discouraging.
And just because a post isn't geared towards newbies doesn't mean newbies don't open it up to see what we're talking about. I sure would've.
Regardless of what you may think the OP's intention was, or what the OP actually wanted this discussion to be, I think all the replies have been on topic, and as a post in a public forum, we are allowed to provide different viewpoints and ways of looking at the situation. One way or the other, we are all encouraging newbies to get in the gym and get fit.9 -
jimmyjbanks wrote: »Chef_Barbell wrote: »jimmyjbanks wrote: »Chef_Barbell wrote: »jimmyjbanks wrote: »Chef_Barbell wrote: »jimmyjbanks wrote: »Chef_Barbell wrote: »jimmyjbanks wrote: »If I were new and some stranger decided to talk to me, that would make me more uncomfortable than silence and being left alone. To each their own. 🤷🏼♀️
You made my point for me. That is how you feel and me or anyone else dissecting it is not going to change it. So if a newbie feels intimidated or ANY similar feeling then telling them it is unwarranted is probably not going to change it.
I am not saying strike up a conversation and corner them; just say hi, offer a spot, etc... like the OP mentioned.
But doing just that might make a person feel more uncomfortable. So I'm not sure what point I made for you. 🤷🏼♀️
So someone who sees you struggling and offers a spot to keep you from hurting yourself would make you feel more uncomfortable? Would you rather they ignore you and let you hurt yourself?
Yes it would. People have social anxiety and other assorted social issues. Also, they have gym staff for this purpose so I wouldn't put myself in that position to begin with.
OK, in my view I do not see why it should make you feel uncomfortable. But that is my view. In this thread, it has been stated that if the newbies are intimidated or feel related feeling it is their own insecurities. Other posters are saying it is the newbie's own issue. That is the posters telling the newbies how they should feel.
You made a valid statement that no one can tell someone else how they should feel. So why is it ok to tell the newbies it is their mind and not valid but I cannot say your feeling is invalid??
I don't think anyone in this thread said a new person's feelings are invalid.
They said it is in their heads and they should not feel that way....It is their own insecurities...
Projection of insecurity is a real and valid thing. That doesn't mean a person's feelings are invalid though. Of course if someone is outwardly being a DB, there are always those in the world everywhere.
I totally agree but saying this "Your personal discomfort level of being in a new and somewhat intimidating environment where you naturally feel out-of-place and awkward to begin with is making you interpret even the most casual and unintentional glances in your direction as some kind of disapproval." is basically saying you are feeling insecure but it is on you. Why not admit that the newbies are dealing with their own anxiety of being in a new environment. And it is ok for them to feel that way?
This thread went from a "be kind to your fellow human" vibe to a "let's discuss social anxiety" thread. The spirit of the OP seems to be that we should be kind one another. I challenge anyone to find fault in that.
I think you are putting your own projection on things here. Nobody said it's not OK for newbies to feel nervous or anxious or denying that there can be anxiety in being in a new environment or starting a new thing. I get it. They are out of their comfort zone. But it is their responsibility for how they feel. And typically growth comes from pushing ourselves through this kind of discomfort.
I am a longtime gym goer and I've never seen a newbie treated rudely or looked down upon. It is also no one else's responsibility to make sure the newbie feels ok. If someone chooses to do that, great. That is an act of kindness. But no one responsible for anyone but themselves. That applies to both the newbies and existing gym goers.
My own personal perspective is a general cynicism toward resolutioners knowing that many will wash out. But also a few will stick and make a real life change. And that's fabulous! Also, it's a pain in the butt for regular gym goers for the gym to be crowded and for it to take much longer to get your own routine done while on a tight time schedule. It is a short term issue and it happens every year. After a month or so, the washouts washout and the perserverers perservere.12 -
jimmyjbanks wrote: »Chef_Barbell wrote: »jimmyjbanks wrote: »Chef_Barbell wrote: »jimmyjbanks wrote: »Chef_Barbell wrote: »jimmyjbanks wrote: »If I were new and some stranger decided to talk to me, that would make me more uncomfortable than silence and being left alone. To each their own. 🤷🏼♀️
You made my point for me. That is how you feel and me or anyone else dissecting it is not going to change it. So if a newbie feels intimidated or ANY similar feeling then telling them it is unwarranted is probably not going to change it.
I am not saying strike up a conversation and corner them; just say hi, offer a spot, etc... like the OP mentioned.
But doing just that might make a person feel more uncomfortable. So I'm not sure what point I made for you. 🤷🏼♀️
So someone who sees you struggling and offers a spot to keep you from hurting yourself would make you feel more uncomfortable? Would you rather they ignore you and let you hurt yourself?
Yes it would. People have social anxiety and other assorted social issues. Also, they have gym staff for this purpose so I wouldn't put myself in that position to begin with.
OK, in my view I do not see why it should make you feel uncomfortable. But that is my view. In this thread, it has been stated that if the newbies are intimidated or feel related feeling it is their own insecurities. Other posters are saying it is the newbie's own issue. That is the posters telling the newbies how they should feel.
You made a valid statement that no one can tell someone else how they should feel. So why is it ok to tell the newbies it is their mind and not valid but I cannot say your feeling is invalid??
I don't think anyone in this thread said a new person's feelings are invalid.
They said it is in their heads and they should not feel that way....It is their own insecurities...
No body said this anywhere in this thread. They should feel how they feel and in many cases, it could well be, and often is, their own insecurities. So what? Do you really think people are going around gyms everyday looking to intimidate newbies on purpose? Not sure what your point is or why you feel you have to defend newbies.4 -
jimmyjbanks wrote: »jimmyjbanks wrote: »Chef_Barbell wrote: »jimmyjbanks wrote: »Chef_Barbell wrote: »jimmyjbanks wrote: »Chef_Barbell wrote: »jimmyjbanks wrote: »Chef_Barbell wrote: »jimmyjbanks wrote: »If I were new and some stranger decided to talk to me, that would make me more uncomfortable than silence and being left alone. To each their own. 🤷🏼♀️
You made my point for me. That is how you feel and me or anyone else dissecting it is not going to change it. So if a newbie feels intimidated or ANY similar feeling then telling them it is unwarranted is probably not going to change it.
I am not saying strike up a conversation and corner them; just say hi, offer a spot, etc... like the OP mentioned.
But doing just that might make a person feel more uncomfortable. So I'm not sure what point I made for you. 🤷🏼♀️
So someone who sees you struggling and offers a spot to keep you from hurting yourself would make you feel more uncomfortable? Would you rather they ignore you and let you hurt yourself?
Yes it would. People have social anxiety and other assorted social issues. Also, they have gym staff for this purpose so I wouldn't put myself in that position to begin with.
OK, in my view I do not see why it should make you feel uncomfortable. But that is my view. In this thread, it has been stated that if the newbies are intimidated or feel related feeling it is their own insecurities. Other posters are saying it is the newbie's own issue. That is the posters telling the newbies how they should feel.
You made a valid statement that no one can tell someone else how they should feel. So why is it ok to tell the newbies it is their mind and not valid but I cannot say your feeling is invalid??
I don't think anyone in this thread said a new person's feelings are invalid.
They said it is in their heads and they should not feel that way....It is their own insecurities...
Projection of insecurity is a real and valid thing. That doesn't mean a person's feelings are invalid though. Of course if someone is outwardly being a DB, there are always those in the world everywhere.
I totally agree but saying this "Your personal discomfort level of being in a new and somewhat intimidating environment where you naturally feel out-of-place and awkward to begin with is making you interpret even the most casual and unintentional glances in your direction as some kind of disapproval." is basically saying you are feeling insecure but it is on you. Why not admit that the newbies are dealing with their own anxiety of being in a new environment. And it is ok for them to feel that way?
This thread went from a "be kind to your fellow human" vibe to a "let's discuss social anxiety" thread. The spirit of the OP seems to be that we should be kind one another. I challenge anyone to find fault in that.
I think you are putting your own projection on things here. Nobody said it's not OK for newbies to feel nervous or anxious or denying that there can be anxiety in being in a new environment or starting a new thing. I get it. They are out of their comfort zone. But it is their responsibility for how they feel. And typically growth comes from pushing ourselves through this kind of discomfort.
I am a longtime gym goer and I've never seen a newbie treated rudely or looked down upon. It is also no one else's responsibility to make sure the newbie feels ok. If someone chooses to do that, great. That is an act of kindness. But no one responsible for anyone but themselves. That applies to both the newbies and existing gym goers.
My own personal perspective is a general cynicism toward resolutioners knowing that many will wash out. But also a few will stick and make a real life change. And that's fabulous! Also, it's a pain in the butt for regular gym goers for the gym to be crowded and for it to take much longer to get your own routine done while on a tight time schedule. It is a short term issue and it happens every year. After a month or so, the washouts washout and the perserverers perservere.
I totally understand what you are saying but that it is a pain in the butt their are more people in the gym and it takes you longer and waiting for people to wash out. Why not root for more people to stick with it and continue on the path? I go to the gym regularly and avoid certain time because it is busier. I always think it is awesome so many are there and sad that in a month or two less than half will probably still be there. Again this is my perception of what you stated and is biased from my frame of reference.
I am glad to hear that no one is this very small sample has ever seen a newbie or anyone treated rudely or looked down upon. Maybe there is hope that civility is making a comeback.
Here is where you and I differ. It is not my responsibility to "root" for anyone. It's my responsibility to do me and it's other people's responsibility to do them. If I choose to encourage others, that is my choice but I don't owe that to anyone. And they don't owe that to me. Personal responsibility ourselves. IMHO, if this was practiced more widely, the world would be a better place.17 -
jimmyjbanks wrote: »jimmyjbanks wrote: »Chef_Barbell wrote: »jimmyjbanks wrote: »Chef_Barbell wrote: »jimmyjbanks wrote: »Chef_Barbell wrote: »jimmyjbanks wrote: »Chef_Barbell wrote: »jimmyjbanks wrote: »If I were new and some stranger decided to talk to me, that would make me more uncomfortable than silence and being left alone. To each their own. 🤷🏼♀️
You made my point for me. That is how you feel and me or anyone else dissecting it is not going to change it. So if a newbie feels intimidated or ANY similar feeling then telling them it is unwarranted is probably not going to change it.
I am not saying strike up a conversation and corner them; just say hi, offer a spot, etc... like the OP mentioned.
But doing just that might make a person feel more uncomfortable. So I'm not sure what point I made for you. 🤷🏼♀️
So someone who sees you struggling and offers a spot to keep you from hurting yourself would make you feel more uncomfortable? Would you rather they ignore you and let you hurt yourself?
Yes it would. People have social anxiety and other assorted social issues. Also, they have gym staff for this purpose so I wouldn't put myself in that position to begin with.
OK, in my view I do not see why it should make you feel uncomfortable. But that is my view. In this thread, it has been stated that if the newbies are intimidated or feel related feeling it is their own insecurities. Other posters are saying it is the newbie's own issue. That is the posters telling the newbies how they should feel.
You made a valid statement that no one can tell someone else how they should feel. So why is it ok to tell the newbies it is their mind and not valid but I cannot say your feeling is invalid??
I don't think anyone in this thread said a new person's feelings are invalid.
They said it is in their heads and they should not feel that way....It is their own insecurities...
Projection of insecurity is a real and valid thing. That doesn't mean a person's feelings are invalid though. Of course if someone is outwardly being a DB, there are always those in the world everywhere.
I totally agree but saying this "Your personal discomfort level of being in a new and somewhat intimidating environment where you naturally feel out-of-place and awkward to begin with is making you interpret even the most casual and unintentional glances in your direction as some kind of disapproval." is basically saying you are feeling insecure but it is on you. Why not admit that the newbies are dealing with their own anxiety of being in a new environment. And it is ok for them to feel that way?
This thread went from a "be kind to your fellow human" vibe to a "let's discuss social anxiety" thread. The spirit of the OP seems to be that we should be kind one another. I challenge anyone to find fault in that.
I think you are putting your own projection on things here. Nobody said it's not OK for newbies to feel nervous or anxious or denying that there can be anxiety in being in a new environment or starting a new thing. I get it. They are out of their comfort zone. But it is their responsibility for how they feel. And typically growth comes from pushing ourselves through this kind of discomfort.
I am a longtime gym goer and I've never seen a newbie treated rudely or looked down upon. It is also no one else's responsibility to make sure the newbie feels ok. If someone chooses to do that, great. That is an act of kindness. But no one responsible for anyone but themselves. That applies to both the newbies and existing gym goers.
My own personal perspective is a general cynicism toward resolutioners knowing that many will wash out. But also a few will stick and make a real life change. And that's fabulous! Also, it's a pain in the butt for regular gym goers for the gym to be crowded and for it to take much longer to get your own routine done while on a tight time schedule. It is a short term issue and it happens every year. After a month or so, the washouts washout and the perserverers perservere.
I totally understand what you are saying but that it is a pain in the butt their are more people in the gym and it takes you longer and waiting for people to wash out. Why not root for more people to stick with it and continue on the path? I go to the gym regularly and avoid certain time because it is busier. I always think it is awesome so many are there and sad that in a month or two less than half will probably still be there. Again this is my perception of what you stated and is biased from my frame of reference.
I am glad to hear that no one is this very small sample has ever seen a newbie or anyone treated rudely or looked down upon. Maybe there is hope that civility is making a comeback.
Here is where you and I differ. It is not my responsibility to "root" for anyone. It's my responsibility to do me and it's other people's responsibility to do them. If I choose to encourage others, that is my choice but I don't owe that to anyone. And they don't owe that to me. Personal responsibility ourselves. IMHO, if this was practiced more widely, the world would be a better place.
QFT!!!5 -
Chef_Barbell wrote: »jimmyjbanks wrote: »Chef_Barbell wrote: »jimmyjbanks wrote: »If I were new and some stranger decided to talk to me, that would make me more uncomfortable than silence and being left alone. To each their own. 🤷🏼♀️
You made my point for me. That is how you feel and me or anyone else dissecting it is not going to change it. So if a newbie feels intimidated or ANY similar feeling then telling them it is unwarranted is probably not going to change it.
I am not saying strike up a conversation and corner them; just say hi, offer a spot, etc... like the OP mentioned.
But doing just that might make a person feel more uncomfortable. So I'm not sure what point I made for you. 🤷🏼♀️
So someone who sees you struggling and offers a spot to keep you from hurting yourself would make you feel more uncomfortable? Would you rather they ignore you and let you hurt yourself?
Yes it would. People have social anxiety and other assorted social issues. Also, they have gym staff for this purpose so I wouldn't put myself in that position to begin with.
My gym doesn't have staff. I'm very grateful to helpful members who gently assisted me when I was new - I remember one massive guy telling me to watch my tendency to look at my feet during deadlifts. He smiled and didn't make me feel awkward, and possibly prevented an injury.
Social anxiety can be terrible, I understand. But all other people can do is try to be polite and kind. If you dislike kindness and your anxiety prevents you from expressing a preference, you're going to end up in situations where well-intentioned people make you anxious. That's nobody's fault.3
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