She's hotter than me?
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well definitely not gonna break up thats for sure. We've been together for almost 5 years, and neither of us have done anything more than said hurtful things to eachother and I'm sure all couples do that. He's not meaning to hurt me I know that because he apologizes after I tell him it hurts me. I think west coast is right, that he's so comfortable with me that he doesn't notice that he's hurt me.
And another thing I forgot to mention, is that I find other girls very attractive myself and he knows this. So it also could be that since I find women sexually attractive just as men do, he may feel more comfortable saying that to me... I mean, it had never hurt my feelings until I got overweight... It could just be my low self estteeem
Sounds to me that he's hoping you'll go for a threesome.0 -
There's no point in being rude. I post to rant. I post to get advice. I post to make friends. I don't post to be mean, or have people be mean to me.
Then what was the point of your original post? You weren't asking for advice, since you immediately jumped to the defense of your boyfriend. That also invalidates your rant, since you followed by basically saying it's okay for him to say such things to you. It certainly wasn't an attempt to make friends.
He's not trying to motivate you. The guy says those things because you let him say such things. If you don't like it, do/say something to him about it. If you don't actually plan to do anything about it, don't call other people "mean" for daring to question behavior that YOU brought up in the first place.
If you were hoping that people would tell you that "everything will be fine once you lose fifty pounds," I'd say that's not going to happen. He's not going to magically alter his behavior based on wishful thinking on your part.0 -
He is being a jerk. If physycal appearance is how he "rates" a woman then he is in for much disappointment. Your young and there is better. Chances are he is holding you to the same standard. I have no patience for superficial folks.0
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well i know he still thinks i'm beautiful. I mean he tells me all the time that though there are skinnier maybe a tad prettier women he enjoys to look at, that he loves me and I'm still beautiful and he finds me attractive. He really doesn't mean it to hurt me i know that. But I'm also bipolar to some extent and I can't always control my emotions
It is NOT your fault at all. Being bipolar doesn't give him permission to be a jerk. What he is saying to you about these girls is very rude and immature of him.
Don't set yourself to blame yourself for the poor behavior of certain men. That's a BAD road to go down.0 -
The sign of a strong relationship is being able to point out woman (or men in your case) that are hotter than that other. My wife and I do it. Our relationship is rock solid, so it can be done!
I have no problem with my hubby pointing out sexy women, I know which famous women he finds attractive and he knows who I like. He would just never say they were hotter than me. I mean..... who can be hotter than the person you are madly in love with??0 -
He sounds insensitive.0
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If its bothering you say something to him. After I was married for a few years I was going out with my wife to a semi formal event and on the way home she was upset. She isnt a complainer, but she was upset and said "you never said I looked nice, just so you know, you should always tell a woman who dresses up she looks nice". After a few kids, she was possibly not feeling the best about herself, I should do that, besides she was the same beautiful person I married. I am sort of tough, not an *kitten* kisser, but she was right. I became a complimenter (not a bser) and I am glad she told me that.
If part of it is feeling more vulnerable because of your recent weight gain, then continue to address that issue here like it looks like you are doing. :-) That will make you less effected by his comments.
I joke with my wife and she jokes back about celebrities, we have a running joke about 1 person we will allow each other to cheat with, which will never happen, but it makes us laugh. It most probably innocent on his part since he says it out loud to you0 -
saying it constantly IS disrespectful. My bf will point out other women, but the words, "she's the hottest on the planet" have never passed his lips. I've had guys do this, though...like someone else said, you're young, you'll learn lol or you won't.
as for the weight...I've also felt if I lost 30lbs, I'd be more attractive to him. Then I got to the point where THAT wasn't working, my rebellion geared up, so im losing it for myself. I want an *kitten* ~I~ can't stop staring at.
good luck.0 -
There will always be someone hotter, fitter, younger, prettier, smarter...that's life! Just sort out your weight and look the best version of yourself that you can, that's all you can control. 50lbs overweight is substantial and if this is all gained while you were with him he probably is feeling a bit shortchanged. I think that's natural. *Unless you've just had his baby*
You can control who you date though...I don't mind a man looking, everyone looks but there's no need to say it all the time is there? It's just a bit cheeky for my liking.
^^^ This. Even if you were the hottest girl in the world, some guy would disagree. You just have to be the best you possible and don't compete with other women. Anytime a woman competes with another she demeans herself.
Unless she competes by wrestling in mud or jello in which case she makes herself 1000x more awesome than she used to be
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It's okay that some of you don't agree with what I post. I'm not looking to please evverybody. And I defend my boyfriend because I'm in love with him...
I know I'm not the only one that does it.0 -
Yep you look pretty hot to me all the way over in London too!!
I'm adding you too. Just keep doing what your doing.0 -
Me and my boyfriend both comment on people we think look good in general. Might be because they have nice hair, nice clothes, nice figure etc.
It's not a put down on either one of us.
That said, if either of us were uncomfortable with it, we are close enough to let the other know it and we would stop.
Simples lol0 -
Yep you look pretty hot to me all the way over in London too!!
I'm adding you too. Just keep doing what your doing.
lol why thank you.0 -
have you ever told him that these comments bother you?0
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There will always be someone hotter, fitter, younger, prettier, smarter...that's life! Just sort out your weight and look the best version of yourself that you can, that's all you can control.
This.
Of course, losing the weight will make you feel better about yourself, and give you more self confidence, and that is great. But he is always going to think some celebrity is hot. This shouldn't have anything to do with how he feels about you.0 -
well i know he still thinks i'm beautiful. I mean ]b]he tells me all the time that though there are skinnier maybe a tad prettier women he enjoys to look at, that he loves me and I'm still beautiful and he finds me attractive.[/b] He really doesn't mean it to hurt me i know that. But I'm also bipolar to some extent and I can't always control my emotions
I think when you talk to him you should turn it around on him saying "though there are a tad hotter guys that you like to look at and [his biggest insecurity], that you love him and think he's goodlooking". See how bringing up the thing he's insecure about as a negative that you have overlook because you love him goes over, I don't think it would sit well with him either.0 -
I would never tell my wife that some chick on TV is hottest woman on Earth over her. No. Not. Ever!! BTW you are pretty hot looking yourself.0
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It's okay that some of you don't agree with what I post. I'm not looking to please evverybody. And I defend my boyfriend because I'm in love with him...
I know I'm not the only one that does it.
No, people complain about their significant others only to defend said person from "attacks" on here all the time. People want advice until they realize that they actually don't.0 -
have you ever told him that these comments bother you?
^^THis. Added you too...0 -
I've been married 7 years.
My husband has the hots for Natalie Portman. He thinks she's amazing the most hawt chick eva.
No matter what- I'll never be that petite, I'll never have her brown eyes, or beak like nose. Granted, she's hot.
Do I care? Nah, what's the chances of him ever seeing her in real life anyway?
Besides. My boobs are bigger
So who does he think is the hottest chick on the planet? I'm just curious.0 -
My boyfriend sends me pictures of models on facebook saying 'omg she's perfect!' but maybe he does this because i'm bisexual, idk? ... and i'm just like, yeah, she's pretty, or 'yeah i know' but it bothers me. Maybe you should let him know it bothers you?
And you're OK with that?? I think that's really disrespectful and classless.. I guess to each their own.
edit: ...unless he's trying to suggest a 3-way? I don't know.. lol
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well definitely not gonna break up thats for sure. We've been together for almost 5 years, and neither of us have done anything more than said hurtful things to eachother and I'm sure all couples do that. He's not meaning to hurt me I know that because he apologizes after I tell him it hurts me. I think west coast is right, that he's so comfortable with me that he doesn't notice that he's hurt me.
And another thing I forgot to mention, is that I find other girls very attractive myself and he knows this. So it also could be that since I find women sexually attractive just as men do, he may feel more comfortable saying that to me... I mean, it had never hurt my feelings until I got overweight... It could just be my low self estteeem
If you want to rationalize your BF being disrespectful to you, then why bother posting at all? What he is doing is disrespectful. Period. Either you don't care and allow it, or you speak up and tell him it bothers you/makes you insecure/hurts your feelings. If he doesn't stop.. that should be a sign to you.
I agree. He is being completely disrespectful to you. But I know you guys are young you're going to keep defending him. Honestly though, if he apologized after the first time you told him it hurt you, why does he continue to do it?
Just FYI: My husband would NEVER say that to me. Your boyfriend's behavior is not normal.0 -
My boyfriend sends me pictures of models on facebook saying 'omg she's perfect!' ... and i'm just like, yeah, she's pretty, or 'yeah i know' but it bothers me. Maybe you should let him know it bothers you?
I will. I'll have an actual serious talk with him, maybe if i explain it to him hell understand
Wait! You mean instead of mentioning that this bothers you over the 5 years you've been together you've come here to rant to complete strangers?0 -
I've been married 7 years.
My husband has the hots for Natalie Portman. He thinks she's amazing the most hawt chick eva.
No matter what- I'll never be that petite, I'll never have her brown eyes, or beak like nose. Granted, she's hot.
Do I care? Nah, what's the chances of him ever seeing her in real life anyway?
Besides. My boobs are bigger
So who does he think is the hottest chick on the planet? I'm just curious.
Katy perry and then the one girl that plays in resident evil, forgot her name lol0 -
No, my husband would never tell me that to my face, even though I know he gets hot under the collar when Fergie is on TV and I blush when Ryan Reynolds comes on.
But telling your significant other than someone is the hottest person on the world...and its not them....that's disrespectful and insensitive.0 -
I'm gonna be honest - If a girl friend started to get upset with small comments like: "Oh look how fit she is" to celebrities on TV I would probably end the relationship. I couldn't be with someone that emotionally demanding and frail. I like to have a laugh in relationships.
I notice how you didn't mention if he ever calls you beautiful, or that he loves you and cares about you, and is genuinely a nice person to you. If he doesn't then, meh, that's your call to make. If he does, remember that and remember that he probably means it to.
Lighten up, and I say that to the rest of you who are calling him a "jerk" even though you don't know what he is ACTUALLY like as boy friend.0 -
Look him over pretty closely. No woman ever deserves to feel bad about herself. Period.0
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oh, his behavior is completely normal for someone who hasn't been told, in complete seriousness, to knock it the eff off. Guys would pull it on me until I told them to try to get those girls. I had a rather big ego when I met my bf, so he already figured out not to say anyone was better than me.
if this guy hasn't been told it bugs her, he's assuming it's fine to do.0 -
I'm gonna be honest - If a girl friend started to get upset with small comments like: "Oh look how fit she is" to celebrities on TV I would probably end the relationship. I couldn't be with someone that emotionally demanding and frail. I like to have a laugh in relationships.
I notice how you didn't mention if he ever calls you beautiful, or that he loves you and cares about you, and is genuinely a nice person to you. If he doesn't then, meh, that's your call to make. If he does, remember that and remember that he probably means it to.
Lighten up, and I say that to the rest of you who are calling him a "jerk" even though you don't know what he is ACTUALLY like as boy friend.
Oh actually i did in a comment say that he is great to me other than that smal part of him hurting my feelings. He's wonderful actually.
and I agree. No one knows him personally so that's why I'm defending the bashing... he's not as bad as people think now... I wasn't trying to make him look bad at all. I guess I went about it the wrong way
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I say lose the weight and show him you are just as good and see what difference it makes. Don't do it for him, do it for yourself.0
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