Have you been both overweight and underweight?

JellyyBeanz · January 2019

What do you think is more offensive, people commenting about you being too big or people commenting about you being too skinny? I’m neither overweight or underweight but I don’t think “skinny shaming” could ever compare to the abuse that fat kids and adults receive. Being skinny is still praised worldwide and even if you wanted to change that, gaining weight is much easier than losing it. What are your thoughts?

Fflpnari · January 2019

I was overweight and went to a "healthy weight". I was more verbally abused about my weight when I was skinnier than when I was heavier. Body shaming in any form is wrong. I deal with a mental struggle when it comes to weight loss because of what people have said to me.

lemurcat2 · January 2019

If someone has been made fun of for being too skinny as a kid and has tried to gain and failed, it could be quite painful to be skinny shamed.

I grew up a perfectly normal weight, but--like many girls, especially in the '80s when fewer were actually over-weight--thinking my body was embarrassing, that I was too fat, that I had fat in spots I didn't want it, didn't have a flat stomach, etc., and so for me being told I am a skinny-minny or "don't get any thinner!" is a source of pleasure (even though I'm not particularly thin).

Gaining weight isn't easier than losing it for everyone.

Generally, I think it's best not to comment on other people's bodies (outside of someone you are in a relationship with, of course, and there are no doubt other exceptions), especially not in a negative way. (And of course a doctor should talk to someone who is over or underweight about it as a health issue.)

Je55ica_79 · January 2019

When I was young I would get comments about being too thin all the time constantly picked on. I'm now heavy and I've been recently fat shamed at a restaurant by another customer. Day to day people don't say a thing unless they think I've lost weight then they tell me I look good.... both kind of suck. But I would be lying if I haven't said something to someone else that maybe offensive. So I take it all in stride most people mean well and the ones that don't...well that says far more about them than me I suppose.

_BlahBlah_BlackSheep_ · January 2019

I was very thin growing up. It's hurtful and damaging to have everyone from friends and family to strangers say things like, "You're anorexic," or "Eat a cheeseburger!" constantly. I was always in a healthy weight range (lower end, obviously) and I ate like a horse but couldn't gain weight. I may be thin as an adult (which I have to work for - no thyroid), but I have been left with lingering body image issues that occasionally turn into full-blown dysmorphia. People don't seem to have any filters about approaching and criticizing women for being thin.

I think any comments about a person's body size fall under the category of offensive. You don't know what someone else has been through or is currently struggling with.

steveko89 · January 2019

@jellyybeanz, you can never know what sort of history, insecurity, or personal baggage someone is carrying to broad-brush state that fat-shaming is "worse" than skinny shaming. Being insecure about one's body and having others comment negatively isn't fun, regardless of the circumstance. You're gatekeeping being body shamed as something only a problem for fat people and that's simply not the case.

debrakgoogins · January 2019

When I was young, I was so skinny that my nickname was Olive Oil or Twiggy. (If you're too young to know who they are, google it.) I am 5'9" and my highest weight until I became pregnant was 118. Later in life, I weighed 100 pounds more than that. Comments on my weight bothered me more when I was underweight. I'm older, wiser and have thicker skin now plus I am not afraid to give it right back. I lacked the confidence to speak up for myself when I was young.

CSARdiver · January 2019

My thought is that focusing on "Who's the bigger victim?" and which group should feel more offended, is that this is a regressive and harmful thought pattern and would devote all my time and effort into changing this behavior.

jseams1234 · January 2019

I was a very skinny guy. It sucked being teased and viewed as weak or “less of”. I had wonderful nicks in the Army like “Pumpkinhead” (after the horror film monster). A constant daily stream from other men making fun of my physique.

I hit 240# at the end of bulk about a year ago. I was certainly fluffy. The comments were more of the lines of me being yoked or built like a brick shithouse... a few comments about my delivery date but nothing like when I was too thin.

Maybe it’s different for men - but my vote is for being too thin as being the less desirable... and btw, I think losing is laughably easy. I use MFP to gain and ensure I get enough to support my mass.

whatalazyidiot · January 2019

Gaining weight is not "so much easier" than losing weight for people who are genetically predisposed to being thinner. I have many friends who struggle to gain weight just as much as I struggle to lose weight. That rhetoric needs to stop right there.

Nobody should be talking about anyone else's size, weight, workouts, or food. It is none of anyone's business. In my opinion, it is equally wrong either way. And we all know weight doesn't define health, happiness, talent, personality, or anything else that is truly valuable about a person.

As far as my personal experience, I have been both and everything in between, and while there are the occasional rude people who think my body is their business, the majority of people I know have never said a thing either way.

zeejane03 · January 2019

When I initially lost the extra weight and got down to the low end of a healthy BMI (around a 19), I received numerous passive aggressive comments from family (mother) and friends about my weight/being 'skinny', to the point where several friendships ended. On the other hand, I never received one negative comment about being overweight.

zeejane03 · January 2019

I have an underweight 10 year old son, who is very self-conscious about this weight and his inability to gain, due to his ADHD/meds. And yes, other kids have mocked him and have called him names about his weight.

eta: he now refuses to go swimming without a shirt on, because his back shoulder blades stick out and he's been mocked for that several times. He also refuses to wear shorts because of how thin his legs are. It breaks my heart as a parent.

lporter229 · January 2019

Wow, my gut reaction is to call this statement just plain ignorant, but since you posted this in the debate section, I will accept it as your opinion and respectfully disagree. I have been very underweight as a result of illness (Crohn's Disease) and gaining weight was not "much easier", it was downright impossible. Being underweight is not desirable nor is it praised. Having been on the opposite end of the spectrum as well (slightly over weight), I can tell you that people find it much more acceptable to comment on a person's weight when they are underweight vs. overweight. I have dealt with comments from friends and acquaintances who did not care to educate themselves about my situation, ranging from how I looked sickly (well, duh), could stand to gain a few pounds and even accusations of an eating disorder. As mentioned above, comments about a person's body can be hurtful regardless of the situation and are best kept to oneself.

singingflutelady · January 2019

I agree. I'm currently in the mid 15 bmi range because of Crohn's and gastroparesis and even with a feeding tube I'm not gaining. Everyone assumes I'm severely mentally ill when it's my gut that's trying to kill me.

Unknown · January 2019

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aokoye · January 2019

While underweight people are skinny, not all skinny people are underweight. I suspect most people living in "first world" countries who are skinny aren't underweight. I think trying to play who has it worse in this context is very unproductive, especially if you are only looking at it on a surface level (as is indicated in your first post).

Lounmoun · January 2019

I think it isn't a contest of what is more offensive to comment on or who has more struggles. Anyone who is different has struggles. It really is not okay to make negative comments about anyone's body. You don't know what someone might be going through.

I was underweight (below a healthy weight for my height) during my childhood up until I was in my 20's, then a healthy weight and then overweight. As an overweight adult I get very few comments actually and have never been made fun of of had anyone be abusive. At most I might feel invisible.
When I was underweight I regularly got called names, had jokes made about me having an eating disorder (no help or concern just jokes) and people told me they hated me because I weighed less than them. It hurt emotionally. I was unhappy with my body and did not ever feel praised. I was cold and sick often. I was uncomfortable physically. I wore loose clothes to try to hide my body. It was no easier to gain weight on purpose than it is too lose on purpose. It was hard emotionally to gain weight when everyone says gaining weight is bad even knowing weighing too little was not healthy.
My dd became underweight as a teen. It took tracking her food and adding more calorie dense food and drinks to her diet to gain. That was not easy. She had to do small frequent meals because she could not eat much at once. She had vomitting and nausea from a medication that made it hard for her to keep much down for awhile or eat at al some daysl. It took her 6 months to get to the very bottom of the healthy weight for her height. Since then she has gained a whole 6 lbs. It was not easy to be underweight. If someone made a nasty comment about her being skinny I would be furious at them.

AnnPT77 · January 2019

My personal experience is that no one in my immediate circle (friends, family, co-workers) ever, to my knowledge, commented negatively on my body weight when I was obese (class 1, just over the line), and I don't recall any public comments to me personally. That level of obesity is fairly common where I live (US, Great Lakes state). At the time, some of my health markers made it clear that my weight was a health risk (borderline to high blood pressure, high cholesterol/triglycerides). If (at a relevant point in a conversation) I described myself as "fat", when I was in fact fat, it would usually draw "you're not fat!" in response (reasons are complicated, IMO).

Since losing weight to the point of being thin but not underweight (lowest was around BMI 19, currently 22), some in my immediate circle have expressed concern that I'm too thin, called me "skin and bones", or worried aloud that I was (!) anorexic (while I was eating 2000+ calories daily, for heaven's sake!). In several cases, they felt free to remark on this in front of others. My health markers (BP, blood lipids) are now solidly in the normal to low-normal range, which suggests that I'm much healthier thin than obese (not surprisingly).

I did and do feel like mass media/culture implicitly or explicitly criticize obesity, but also (less frequently) criticize very extreme underweight. "Fashionable thinness", which frequently is a lower BMI than anything I've been at, seems to be praised, in popular culture, however - seems common among models/actresses.

I don't actually care or feel shamed, and think "comparative victimhood" is pretty silly. The above is just observation from my own perspective of what occurred around me. I'm not thin skinned, and like myself just fine, fat or thin, so I haven't particularly found any of it particularly offensive. Surprising in some ways, sure.

I don't think other people's bodies are generally a legitimate subject of conversation, with the exception of privately expressing concerns about a very close associate's health to them, one on one; or answering questions if a particular friend solicits frank discussion of the subject. Making fun of people's bodies is completely beyond the pale.

I do find it odd that no one close to me expressed concern when I was unhealthfully overweight, but that my thinness became a matter of conversation, even though I was demonstrably healthier. I'm tempted to infer that it's more socially acceptable to comment on a thin person's body than a fat one, locally at least.

I have no idea whether it's harder to lose weight or gain it; it seems like it's going to vary by individual to a certain extent. Statistically, here in the US anyway, more people are overweight; in that statistical sense it may be "easier to gain", but it isn't logical to assume that that means it's universally "easier to gain than lose" in each individual case.

singingflutelady · January 2019

Gastroparesis yes maybe but i have been told I didn't cause these issues. My active eating disorder was 15-20 years ago and even now the stigma is hard to beat. Drs ALWAYS assume I'm anorexic. Thank goodness I have the test results to back up my claims.

CharlieBeansmomTracey · January 2019

Ive been at a healthy weight,Ive been obese,Ive been overweight but never underweight. but I used to get comments about me being fat when I was at a healthy weight when I was in school. when I was obese and became overweight(after I lost a good bit) I got the I was too thin comment. I dont know where people see or think these things but it boggles my mind

NadNight · January 2019

I’ve never been overweight but have received some horrible comments about being underweight. From a social outlook it’s definitely more acceptable to be underweight. For example if I go into a shop and can’t find clothes that fit it’s ‘ooh you’re so tiny!’ However I know it would be a very different story if I were too big for the clothes. That being said, the opinion of close family and friends is important too and I have had comments regarding weight and appearance such as ‘you should put some weight on, you look bloody awful’, ‘no one likes a bag of bones’ and ‘you should throw that outfit away, you just look like a twig’.
It stings coming from people you love but I don’t feel like I’m being judged for slim when I’m walking down the street. I think an overweight person would be more likely to judged by the public than an underweight one (and I’m talking underweight not painfully, noticeably skeletal)

Theoldguy1 · January 2019

Skinny shaming, especially for males, has been a thing for 100 years. Note this Charles Atlas ad from the 1920/30s.

Back story:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Charles_Atlas

KerrieA87 · January 2019

I’ve been both under and overweight. At my lowest I was under 6 stone and had a psychological problem called restrictive food intake disorder where because food was the only thing I felt I could control in my life that’s what I did. At my heaviest I was just over 14 stone and the gain was mainly due to a medical illness and subsequent treatment. I got comments at both weights but I definitely got more when I was underweight, even strangers would comment.

an0393na · January 2019

Never been underweight, probably never will be

Ed_Zilla · January 2019

In high school I swam on a swimming team. I was the fastest swimmer on the team to never go to state...or the slowest state meet swimmer there ever was. I weighed 135 lbs. No skinny shaming because I was in the best shape of my life.

20 years later, at 250 lbs...I heard what you would have expected to hear.

When I lost 75 pounds in 18 months, using diet (moderation) and exercise (it'll never catch on), and was in the 2nd best shape of my life, I did hear skinny shaming: You look gaunt. You need to beef up. You don't look well...etc. All of this from my heavy friends.

At the same time my gym buds and thin friends were very supportive: Amazing transformation. You look great. Wow - how did you do it? I bet you feel great! How much did you lose!? etc.

fishgutzy · February 2019

Not simultaneously.
But I got down to 155# when I was bulimic. I still thought I was fat even though everyone around me saw a skinny person.

BuffMom84 · February 2019

I was underweight when I was in high school. All my friends would always comment on how skinny I was, they'd roll their eyes and say they wished they were "that skinny". After having two kids, my highest weight was about 160 (I'm 5'3"). No one ever said anything about my weight. When I went to the doctor's office, I weighed in at 163 because of clothes and shoes. So I was about 25 pounds overweight but the doctor said nothing of it. I was so surprised that I went home, logged back onto this website and started tracking everything I ate! Maybe it's more common (in American society at least) to be shamed for being too skinny than being somewhat overweight?

Cassandraw3 · February 2019

I have spent most of my life overweight. The lowest I have been was 120 lbs at 5'4", which isn't technically underweight, but for my build it was very small (I had to wear a belt with size 0 pants). I did get made fun of in middle school for being on the heavier side, but I went to a school which had a bullying problem. Other than that, the only other comments really just came from my mother. Most of her comments on my weight were due to her own insecurities, both overweight and at a lower weight. At one point she accused me of being anorexic (which I was not). For me, comments on being overweight were more hurtful because I was also insecure about my own body at higher weights.

On the other side of this, I had a friend who is underweight. She was born with an autoimmune disease and finds it incredibly difficult to gain weight. People often commented on her weight and how she should gain more weight, without knowing her details. She would often find it hurtful that people would comment on it.

As far as what is worse, this will be incredibly individual and will depend on that persons history with their weight. Moral of the story, unless you are the persons doctor, mind your business about everyone else's weight. You don't know what they are going through.

smolmaus · February 2019

Ceoliac? Because that's me too. As a child I couldn't gain weight if I tried. I used to eat as much as the grown men in the family and be hungry in 90 minutes so my hunger and fullness signals are very very broken.

Once I was diagnosed and puberty hit I stopped getting the "look at you, you're so skinny" comments which felt like praise since all the women in my family just used to talk about how fat they were. Once that stopped, even though I was at probably a perfect weight, still slim, it made me feel fat, like I used to get praise and now I didn't so I must have gotten too fat. I've had disordered, weird eating habits my whole life basically but nothing dangerous.

I got to ~150lb (overweight, I'm 5'2") due to depression, comfort eating and alcohol about 6 years ago. Lost that weight down to a slim but healthy 110-115lb and maintained for about 2 years, then went through a breakup, started using weight loss, very strict calorie restriction and the gym to distract myself, and eventually got to 97lb. Could see ribs everywhere, I had no idea I had so many ribs. I was getting the "oh you're so skinny" comments again but they were less positive now! Obviously that wasn't sustainable and eventually the dam broke and I've been struggling to contain a binge eating problem since June.

That's a lot of words lol

Cassandraw3 · February 2019

Hers is an issue with her lungs. I am not quite exactly sure of the details, but she regularly goes to specialists and is in and out of the hospital fairly frequently and has been her whole life. I just know she would eat all the time (college roommate, I saw how much she actually ate) and never gain weight. I believe she was also about 5'1"-5'2" and usually weighed between 90-100 lbs.

It is unfortunate we are in such a weight obsessed world. People don't realize how harmful their comments can be, as innocent as the intention is. I am in a constant internal struggle with food. I was raised in a house where you eat what you want until you are full and don't waste food. I was never taught moderation or balance and struggle with that now as an adult and I know better.

ETA: I feel ya on the binge eating struggle. I am struggling with it too right now.

cwolfman13 · February 2019

I was a skinny kid and coming out of high school I was right on the line of underweight @ 135 Lbs soaking wet on a good day. I got made fun of all the time for being skinny. My nickname in high school was "the giraffe" because I was long and skinny and had a long, skinny neck. For a male in particular, "skinny" isn't praised. I tried and tried to gain weight and never could...so it certainly wasn't easy. It took me until I was about 23 or 24 to start filling my body out to where I didn't look emaciated. I'd even have people ask me if I was sick.

Nobody ever commented on anything when I was overweight...I wasn't huge, just over the line for class 1 obese and only had to lose a few pounds to get into "overweight." Being overweight is far and away more the norm than being skinny and underweight...class 1 obesity is pretty common.

ETA: one of the reasons I didn't care at all that I was getting fat in my 30s was because I felt it was a hell of a lot better than being skinny.

Have you been both overweight and underweight?

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