Message Boards› Debate: Health and Fitness
JellyyBeanz
Member Posts: 22 Member
Member Posts: 22 Member
Have you been both overweight and underweight?
JellyyBeanz
Member Posts: 22 Member
Member Posts: 22 Member
What do you think is more offensive, people commenting about you being too big or people commenting about you being too skinny? I’m neither overweight or underweight but I don’t think “skinny shaming” could ever compare to the abuse that fat kids and adults receive. Being skinny is still praised worldwide and even if you wanted to change that, gaining weight is much easier than losing it. What are your thoughts?
Replies
I grew up a perfectly normal weight, but--like many girls, especially in the '80s when fewer were actually over-weight--thinking my body was embarrassing, that I was too fat, that I had fat in spots I didn't want it, didn't have a flat stomach, etc., and so for me being told I am a skinny-minny or "don't get any thinner!" is a source of pleasure (even though I'm not particularly thin).
Gaining weight isn't easier than losing it for everyone.
Generally, I think it's best not to comment on other people's bodies (outside of someone you are in a relationship with, of course, and there are no doubt other exceptions), especially not in a negative way. (And of course a doctor should talk to someone who is over or underweight about it as a health issue.)
I think any comments about a person's body size fall under the category of offensive. You don't know what someone else has been through or is currently struggling with.
I hit 240# at the end of bulk about a year ago. I was certainly fluffy. The comments were more of the lines of me being yoked or built like a brick shithouse... a few comments about my delivery date but nothing like when I was too thin.
Maybe it’s different for men - but my vote is for being too thin as being the less desirable... and btw, I think losing is laughably easy. I use MFP to gain and ensure I get enough to support my mass.
Nobody should be talking about anyone else's size, weight, workouts, or food. It is none of anyone's business. In my opinion, it is equally wrong either way. And we all know weight doesn't define health, happiness, talent, personality, or anything else that is truly valuable about a person.
As far as my personal experience, I have been both and everything in between, and while there are the occasional rude people who think my body is their business, the majority of people I know have never said a thing either way.
I have an underweight 10 year old son, who is very self-conscious about this weight and his inability to gain, due to his ADHD/meds. And yes, other kids have mocked him and have called him names about his weight.
eta: he now refuses to go swimming without a shirt on, because his back shoulder blades stick out and he's been mocked for that several times. He also refuses to wear shorts because of how thin his legs are. It breaks my heart as a parent.
Wow, my gut reaction is to call this statement just plain ignorant, but since you posted this in the debate section, I will accept it as your opinion and respectfully disagree. I have been very underweight as a result of illness (Crohn's Disease) and gaining weight was not "much easier", it was downright impossible. Being underweight is not desirable nor is it praised. Having been on the opposite end of the spectrum as well (slightly over weight), I can tell you that people find it much more acceptable to comment on a person's weight when they are underweight vs. overweight. I have dealt with comments from friends and acquaintances who did not care to educate themselves about my situation, ranging from how I looked sickly (well, duh), could stand to gain a few pounds and even accusations of an eating disorder. As mentioned above, comments about a person's body can be hurtful regardless of the situation and are best kept to oneself.
I agree. I'm currently in the mid 15 bmi range because of Crohn's and gastroparesis and even with a feeding tube I'm not gaining. Everyone assumes I'm severely mentally ill when it's my gut that's trying to kill me.
But didn't you struggle with multiple eating disorders in the past? So you can't blame them for assuming it's partly mental with a background of ED. A lot of people who have had ED have "bowel issues" as well as develop crohn's disease later in life. I have read numerous studies documenting the link between the two.
While underweight people are skinny, not all skinny people are underweight. I suspect most people living in "first world" countries who are skinny aren't underweight. I think trying to play who has it worse in this context is very unproductive, especially if you are only looking at it on a surface level (as is indicated in your first post).
I think it isn't a contest of what is more offensive to comment on or who has more struggles. Anyone who is different has struggles. It really is not okay to make negative comments about anyone's body. You don't know what someone might be going through.
I was underweight (below a healthy weight for my height) during my childhood up until I was in my 20's, then a healthy weight and then overweight. As an overweight adult I get very few comments actually and have never been made fun of of had anyone be abusive. At most I might feel invisible.
When I was underweight I regularly got called names, had jokes made about me having an eating disorder (no help or concern just jokes) and people told me they hated me because I weighed less than them. It hurt emotionally. I was unhappy with my body and did not ever feel praised. I was cold and sick often. I was uncomfortable physically. I wore loose clothes to try to hide my body. It was no easier to gain weight on purpose than it is too lose on purpose. It was hard emotionally to gain weight when everyone says gaining weight is bad even knowing weighing too little was not healthy.
My dd became underweight as a teen. It took tracking her food and adding more calorie dense food and drinks to her diet to gain. That was not easy. She had to do small frequent meals because she could not eat much at once. She had vomitting and nausea from a medication that made it hard for her to keep much down for awhile or eat at al some daysl. It took her 6 months to get to the very bottom of the healthy weight for her height. Since then she has gained a whole 6 lbs. It was not easy to be underweight. If someone made a nasty comment about her being skinny I would be furious at them.
My personal experience is that no one in my immediate circle (friends, family, co-workers) ever, to my knowledge, commented negatively on my body weight when I was obese (class 1, just over the line), and I don't recall any public comments to me personally. That level of obesity is fairly common where I live (US, Great Lakes state). At the time, some of my health markers made it clear that my weight was a health risk (borderline to high blood pressure, high cholesterol/triglycerides). If (at a relevant point in a conversation) I described myself as "fat", when I was in fact fat, it would usually draw "you're not fat!" in response (reasons are complicated, IMO).
Since losing weight to the point of being thin but not underweight (lowest was around BMI 19, currently 22), some in my immediate circle have expressed concern that I'm too thin, called me "skin and bones", or worried aloud that I was (!) anorexic (while I was eating 2000+ calories daily, for heaven's sake!). In several cases, they felt free to remark on this in front of others. My health markers (BP, blood lipids) are now solidly in the normal to low-normal range, which suggests that I'm much healthier thin than obese (not surprisingly).
I did and do feel like mass media/culture implicitly or explicitly criticize obesity, but also (less frequently) criticize very extreme underweight. "Fashionable thinness", which frequently is a lower BMI than anything I've been at, seems to be praised, in popular culture, however - seems common among models/actresses.
I don't actually care or feel shamed, and think "comparative victimhood" is pretty silly. The above is just observation from my own perspective of what occurred around me. I'm not thin skinned, and like myself just fine, fat or thin, so I haven't particularly found any of it particularly offensive. Surprising in some ways, sure.
I don't think other people's bodies are generally a legitimate subject of conversation, with the exception of privately expressing concerns about a very close associate's health to them, one on one; or answering questions if a particular friend solicits frank discussion of the subject. Making fun of people's bodies is completely beyond the pale.
I do find it odd that no one close to me expressed concern when I was unhealthfully overweight, but that my thinness became a matter of conversation, even though I was demonstrably healthier. I'm tempted to infer that it's more socially acceptable to comment on a thin person's body than a fat one, locally at least.
I have no idea whether it's harder to lose weight or gain it; it seems like it's going to vary by individual to a certain extent. Statistically, here in the US anyway, more people are overweight; in that statistical sense it may be "easier to gain", but it isn't logical to assume that that means it's universally "easier to gain than lose" in each individual case.
Gastroparesis yes maybe but i have been told I didn't cause these issues. My active eating disorder was 15-20 years ago and even now the stigma is hard to beat. Drs ALWAYS assume I'm anorexic. Thank goodness I have the test results to back up my claims.
It stings coming from people you love but I don’t feel like I’m being judged for slim when I’m walking down the street. I think an overweight person would be more likely to judged by the public than an underweight one (and I’m talking underweight not painfully, noticeably skeletal)