After a year - over 150lbs lost - learned a few things
NovusDies
Posts: 8,940 Member
Mid February marked my first weightlossaversary. On my final check-in for my first year I lost 158 pounds. This rate of loss is not advisable unless, like me, you have/had an extreme amount of weight to lose like I faced. For me the journey is not over but it should be mostly done on my second anniversary.
I have been losing the weight loss war for 3 decades. I have had a few temporary battle wins but the war had gone badly up until last year. I have believed many myths and felt personally cursed. I have never had a sustainable plan.
What changed for me was finally looking back at my past failures and finally learning from my mistakes. I won't cover them all but I will cover the biggest three.
1) Extreme changes lead to extremely early failures. This one leads the pack. Each time I started I thought I needed to make big changes in order to lose weight. Most often it would include some combination of eating "healthy", rigorous exercise, and eating as little as possible. These attempts usually ended with me going a little nutso, eating everything in sight, and then promising that on Monday I would start over. I kept my promise but it was never the next Monday it was months if not years later.
2) I will be happy if I lose weight so that is my main goal. This one ties very closely to number 1. It is a flaw in attitude that basically led me to think I can sacrifice happiness while losing weight because the goal would make happy (happier).
3) I can effectively measure my daily/weekly progress on the bathroom scale. This one has gotten me since I was a teenager.
It is a popular saying that insanity is repeating the same course of action while expecting different results. I guess I was insane for a long time.
Here is what I learned:
1) When I started I realized I should only change the things I needed to lose weight. This meant creating a calorie deficit and experimenting with how I stay full. I didn't do meaningful exercises for months. I ate the way I had been eating just less of it. I have changed a lot since I started but I made small changes over time.
2) The goal is to be happy NOW. By now I mean today. My goal is to get through today as happy as I can. I won't always succeed but when I don't I try to learn from it. My weight loss is a giant forest that can be overwhelming if I think about it too much. My day is a single tree. I only need to get through most of my days in a deficit and let the weight loss take care of itself.
3) My weight is going to fluctuate. Since I started I have learned that my weight is a range of 7.7lbs. The bathroom scale will eventually report my progress but fluctuations can mask my fat loss for weeks at a time. This is another reason to focus on being happy today instead of tying my happiness to a number on the scale. I am not sure this can be linked often enough here: http://physiqonomics.com/the-weird-and-highly-annoying-world-of-scale-weight-and-fluctuations/
I will be happy to answer any questions if any of the above doesn't make total sense but I only claim to be an expert on what it takes to get MYSELF through a successful year of weight loss. I will say that calorie counting definitely works and if you believe that it doesn't you have fallen into one of the many traps I have in the past. For the past 6 months I have tracked my weight loss vs my calorie deficit very closely in a spreadsheet and I have lost my weight at around 3500 calories per pound. It hasn't mattered where the calories have come from which has been everything from broccoli to alcoholic beverages, low-fat yogurt to full fat ice cream, and lean fish to ribeye steaks.
This is a follow-up thread to:
https://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/10722305/my-new-normal
I have been losing the weight loss war for 3 decades. I have had a few temporary battle wins but the war had gone badly up until last year. I have believed many myths and felt personally cursed. I have never had a sustainable plan.
What changed for me was finally looking back at my past failures and finally learning from my mistakes. I won't cover them all but I will cover the biggest three.
1) Extreme changes lead to extremely early failures. This one leads the pack. Each time I started I thought I needed to make big changes in order to lose weight. Most often it would include some combination of eating "healthy", rigorous exercise, and eating as little as possible. These attempts usually ended with me going a little nutso, eating everything in sight, and then promising that on Monday I would start over. I kept my promise but it was never the next Monday it was months if not years later.
2) I will be happy if I lose weight so that is my main goal. This one ties very closely to number 1. It is a flaw in attitude that basically led me to think I can sacrifice happiness while losing weight because the goal would make happy (happier).
3) I can effectively measure my daily/weekly progress on the bathroom scale. This one has gotten me since I was a teenager.
It is a popular saying that insanity is repeating the same course of action while expecting different results. I guess I was insane for a long time.
Here is what I learned:
1) When I started I realized I should only change the things I needed to lose weight. This meant creating a calorie deficit and experimenting with how I stay full. I didn't do meaningful exercises for months. I ate the way I had been eating just less of it. I have changed a lot since I started but I made small changes over time.
2) The goal is to be happy NOW. By now I mean today. My goal is to get through today as happy as I can. I won't always succeed but when I don't I try to learn from it. My weight loss is a giant forest that can be overwhelming if I think about it too much. My day is a single tree. I only need to get through most of my days in a deficit and let the weight loss take care of itself.
3) My weight is going to fluctuate. Since I started I have learned that my weight is a range of 7.7lbs. The bathroom scale will eventually report my progress but fluctuations can mask my fat loss for weeks at a time. This is another reason to focus on being happy today instead of tying my happiness to a number on the scale. I am not sure this can be linked often enough here: http://physiqonomics.com/the-weird-and-highly-annoying-world-of-scale-weight-and-fluctuations/
I will be happy to answer any questions if any of the above doesn't make total sense but I only claim to be an expert on what it takes to get MYSELF through a successful year of weight loss. I will say that calorie counting definitely works and if you believe that it doesn't you have fallen into one of the many traps I have in the past. For the past 6 months I have tracked my weight loss vs my calorie deficit very closely in a spreadsheet and I have lost my weight at around 3500 calories per pound. It hasn't mattered where the calories have come from which has been everything from broccoli to alcoholic beverages, low-fat yogurt to full fat ice cream, and lean fish to ribeye steaks.
This is a follow-up thread to:
https://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/10722305/my-new-normal
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Replies
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This is really insightful, thank you for sharing it.
I really like your thoughts on being happy today instead of waiting for a future state. This is the type of thinking I've had to encourage in myself -- not just with weight loss, but with other goals as well. It's so easy to fall into the mindset of waiting to be happy instead of figuring out what I can do today.9 -
Congrats on your excellent loss! Great info and very inspiring.5
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janejellyroll wrote: »This is really insightful, thank you for sharing it.
I really like your thoughts on being happy today instead of waiting for a future state. This is the type of thinking I've had to encourage in myself -- not just with weight loss, but with other goals as well. It's so easy to fall into the mindset of waiting to be happy instead of figuring out what I can do today.
For me it hasn't always just been about food. There are some things that I hate that I let happen too often before I started losing weight. One of them was letting my hair get too long. It gets curly when it grows out and I despise it. I promised myself I would get it cut more often and I have. It is one easy way to make myself happy or cut down on being unhappy.
Also, I have learned about the world of pedicures.
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Congratulations on your milestone!
Like Jane, I think your point about being happy with today instead of waiting for some future something is so important and is something I constantly struggle with. Four years into this and I'm still working on being happy with each day and learn more how to live in the truth of embracing that idea with every day that passes.
Thank you for posting your insights
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Congrats on your progress. Great job!!!1
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Great post, useful insights!2
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Congratulations on all you've accomplished. Thank you for sharing this with us!
Very informative and insightful from your personal experience. 1 -
Everything you said resonates with me. I've learned a lot this time around too, and I believe I've learned how to get lasting results. Congratulations on finding your way to happiness despite the scale, but still able to celebrate your successes and be proud of yourself!1
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Congratulations! Not just on the weight loss, but also on learning you don't have to be a slave to old ideas that never worked. Kudos, you earned them 🙂2
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Thank goodness for common sense. You are a star and your post is exceedingly welcome I hope many many people read it and take away all the good advice contained in it.
You are amazing and you an inspiration you have had to work hard to get where you are but you havent over complicated it. Well done and all the best for the future.3 -
Happy for you and your revelations0
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janejellyroll wrote: »This is really insightful, thank you for sharing it.
I really like your thoughts on being happy today instead of waiting for a future state. This is the type of thinking I've had to encourage in myself -- not just with weight loss, but with other goals as well. It's so easy to fall into the mindset of waiting to be happy instead of figuring out what I can do today.
For me it hasn't always just been about food. There are some things that I hate that I let happen too often before I started losing weight. One of them was letting my hair get too long. It gets curly when it grows out and I despise it. I promised myself I would get it cut more often and I have. It is one easy way to make myself happy or cut down on being unhappy.
Also, I have learned about the world of pedicures.
I think for many of us, food isn’t the disease, just a symptom. But it is often the easiest thing to blame as opposed to really looking at why. I know it was for me.6 -
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Your posts confirm, again and again, why you're in the "most likely to succeed" section of the yearbook!!!
Keep calm and carry on!!!6 -
Congratulations ... not just on the weight loss, which is super, but on finding a way of living that is going to last. What a great story to share. I hope others who gave an extreme amount of weight to lose find this thread.2
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Since other people have commented on the focus on being happy today part I wanted to expand on it a little. Like others have said it is not something I can just say it and it works itself out it is something that requires effort. Designing a plan that allows for mental food treats, deals with cravings, and keeps me sane is part of it but so are the hair cuts, pedicures, vehicle detailing, etc. I have to be kind to myself because it helps offset some of the less great days and there will be some of those regardless.
For me it is also a mental discipline. I still have a lot of weight to lose but I do my best to keep pushing that out of my head. That is not what I want myself thinking about... at least no more than necessary. It is a source of frustration and trying to be happy is about minimizing those as much as possible.
It is also about forgiving yourself for gaining weight in the first place. This may not apply to everyone but I certainly tried to punish myself in previous attempts to lose weight. It is hard to try and be kind to myself and happy today while holding a grudge against myself. I had to let it go.
Time is going to pass whether I am losing weight or not. If I work at being happy today time seems to pass faster. If I am miserable time seems to pass slower. The best way I can describe some of my previous attempts was trying to strangle time to get results faster. Of course I was really just strangling myself and making it impossible to succeed. Now I don't fight it (most days). I just focus on today as much as possible and forget the long journey I have been on and will still be on for some amount of time in the future.
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Very helpful ideas--Happy for your success!0
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I can't like this thread - and your progress and honesty - enough. 7
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Beautiful, insightful post. This would make a great "must read" for the Motivation & Support forum!1
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What a beautiful post. Congratulations to you on both your weight loss and your journey through happiness and health.0
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Awesome post is awesome3
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Just found this and I think it needs a bump. Especially this:
"It is also about forgiving yourself for gaining weight in the first place. This may not apply to everyone but I certainly tried to punish myself in previous attempts to lose weight. It is hard to try and be kind to myself and happy today while holding a grudge against myself. I had to let it go."
The shame I felt for losing and then regaining 100 pounds was pretty intense and it stopped me from getting back on the wagon. I'm glad that I figured out if I was going to be successful in this journey, I had to kick shame out of my path or I was going to trip over it.10 -
I'm so happy for you and full of respect for what you accomplished. I enjoyed reading your post. You have a beautiful perspective on things. Wishes for continued success! 1
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Just found this and I think it needs a bump. Especially this:
"It is also about forgiving yourself for gaining weight in the first place. This may not apply to everyone but I certainly tried to punish myself in previous attempts to lose weight. It is hard to try and be kind to myself and happy today while holding a grudge against myself. I had to let it go."
The shame I felt for losing and then regaining 100 pounds was pretty intense and it stopped me from getting back on the wagon. I'm glad that I figured out if I was going to be successful in this journey, I had to kick shame out of my path or I was going to trip over it.
Good for you. Nothing can be done about who we have been or what we have done. The only thing we can change is right now and the future.5 -
gremloBBPT wrote: »I'm so happy for you and full of respect for what you accomplished. I enjoyed reading your post. You have a beautiful perspective on things. Wishes for continued success!
Thanks. I have continued my path and this has been another big drop year although not as big as my first nor should it have been. Enough spoiler alerts... my second year update is only a few weeks away.
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gremloBBPT wrote: »I'm so happy for you and full of respect for what you accomplished. I enjoyed reading your post. You have a beautiful perspective on things. Wishes for continued success!
Thanks. I have continued my path and this has been another big drop year although not as big as my first nor should it have been. Enough spoiler alerts... my second year update is only a few weeks away.
Way to drum up interest 6 -
Just found this and I think it needs a bump. Especially this:
"It is also about forgiving yourself for gaining weight in the first place. This may not apply to everyone but I certainly tried to punish myself in previous attempts to lose weight. It is hard to try and be kind to myself and happy today while holding a grudge against myself. I had to let it go."
The shame I felt for losing and then regaining 100 pounds was pretty intense and it stopped me from getting back on the wagon. I'm glad that I figured out if I was going to be successful in this journey, I had to kick shame out of my path or I was going to trip over it.
I can relate to this especially. I've been fighting the war with weight for years myself, losing a little in college than gaining back that and more; losing 90 lbs in 2012, only to gain all but 5 lbs of it back; losing 110 lbs in 2017, then gaining back 25 of it before finally getting things turned around in mid-2019.
My biggest fight is in reconciling my head with my heart. My head says that moderation is the key, that its okay to fit things that i like in, just in smaller portions, that a day over here and there isn't going to hurt me in the long run, and that its not necessary to strive for a 2lb loss every week or a 1000 calorie deficit every day - as long as there is a deficit, I'll lose weight; it'll just be slower. My head tells me that water weight is tenacious and to pay attention to the overall trend, that any trend downward, even at a snail's pace, is a win because it's not a race and it doesn't matter how long it takes, what matters is the benefits I get from every pound lost. My head tells me to look at what I've accomplished instead of focusing on the end goal, that losing 100 lbs is a major accomplishment and I deserve to be proud of myself for that loss, even if I still have over 100 lbs to go; that it doesn't matter that I regained 30 lbs, the good news is I did better than last time and halted the trend before I lost all ground gained.
My heart, however, is much too hard on myself. I tend to be a perfectionist and very demanding of myself, and its really hard to be as forgiving and understanding with myself as I can be with others. My heart gets frustrated when I fail to stay within my 1000 calorie deficit, when I fail to win the willpower war with myself, when the scale goes up or stalls out for a few weeks, when I give in and get a piece of candy or take a small piece of cake when brought into the office, or even when I stop at Arby's on the way home - my heart doesn't look at the compromises made, such as the fact I only took 1 piece of candy instead of 5, that I actually only took 1/4 of a regular size of the cake, or that I remove the cheese from that turkey slider and sometimes even half the bun to cut the calories down.
My heart feels guilty because I let myself get so obese in the first place, and still feels guilt because of gaining back what was lost before and starting into doing the same again. My heart feels shame because while I have lost 100 lbs, I still have over 100 lbs to go. My heart can't be happy with losing 3 dress sizes; it sees that I still shop in the plus size section. In truth, no one can be more hard on me than myself, and while my common sense sees where my problems lie when it comes to befriending myself, I still haven't learned how to reconcile my heart to my head.
But, like you, I've learned a few things along the way, such as noticing when hunger signals are coming from my stomach or my head, to watch the over all trend, and to work with myself on what I like and dislike and function within a realistic plan.
And sometimes, once in a while, I get my heart away from focusing on the forest to see a tree now and then - such as noticing how small my jeans are getting compared to before and that I do look kind of nice in that new dress.....10 -
gremloBBPT wrote: »I'm so happy for you and full of respect for what you accomplished. I enjoyed reading your post. You have a beautiful perspective on things. Wishes for continued success!
Thanks. I have continued my path and this has been another big drop year although not as big as my first nor should it have been. Enough spoiler alerts... my second year update is only a few weeks away.
Way to drum up interest
HEY! That one person who is so bored they have nothing better to do than read my internet jibber jabber might want to know more is coming!5 -
At least your internet jibber jabber is superior to most other internet jibber jabber.gremloBBPT wrote: »I'm so happy for you and full of respect for what you accomplished. I enjoyed reading your post. You have a beautiful perspective on things. Wishes for continued success!
Thanks. I have continued my path and this has been another big drop year although not as big as my first nor should it have been. Enough spoiler alerts... my second year update is only a few weeks away.
Way to drum up interest
HEY! That one person who is so bored they have nothing better to do than read my internet jibber jabber might want to know more is coming!4 -
gremloBBPT wrote: »I'm so happy for you and full of respect for what you accomplished. I enjoyed reading your post. You have a beautiful perspective on things. Wishes for continued success!
Thanks. I have continued my path and this has been another big drop year although not as big as my first nor should it have been. Enough spoiler alerts... my second year update is only a few weeks away.
2
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