What is your key to a long successful marriage ?

124

Replies

  • clydethecat
    clydethecat Posts: 1,087 Member
    all this advice is awesome. i've only been married 5 years. we're best friends, and i think that is so key. and its the little things. he tucks me into bed every night ( i go to sleep much earlier than he does) i rub his back for him while he watches tv. he does the dishes when i'm too tired. i make his lunch every day. just doing things for each other out of love and respect. because we want the other to be happy and well cared for.

    i know we're in it for the long haul. when we were first married it was so hard, i had issues with medication and my bi polar, and it was a nightmare. but we made it through and now we're so much stronger for it. if we could get through that, we can weather anything life throws at us.

    thanks for all the advice, i'm going to put it to good use :)
  • pawnstarNate
    pawnstarNate Posts: 1,728 Member
    1. make her think she's always right
    2. take the trash out on a regular basis
    3. never get caught staring at another womans assets
    4. get caught staring at her assets

    edit: oh, and always carry a big stick
  • Timshel_
    Timshel_ Posts: 22,834 Member
    So tough to say what will work for each couple.

    To me, the biggest part of success is keeping fresh eyes for each other and not getting stuck in expectations, Too many times I've talked to friends who divroce because they say "things changed". I always think, WTH? Like it happened over night? Or you expected them to be exactly the same person forever?

    We each need to grow and expereince life as individuals, and in a marriage you need to let that process happen to be a strong couple.

    That and, people make mistakes.
    Some small, some big.
    Forgiveness is a must.

    I should throw in I have been married since 1997.
    I've come close to leaving a few times.
    We've both made mistakes.
    We both have always loved each other.
    Whether we liked each other at any given moment is another story.
    We both still learn more about ourselves and our marriage every day.

    Cheers.
  • WendyTerry420
    WendyTerry420 Posts: 13,274 Member
    I married my best friend almost 20 years ago. For us, it's all about communication and consistent intimacy. :bigsmile:
  • BusyRaeNOTBusty
    BusyRaeNOTBusty Posts: 7,166 Member
    You have to stay in love, stay friends, stay passionate and be good roommates.
  • BusyRaeNOTBusty
    BusyRaeNOTBusty Posts: 7,166 Member
    Never getting married.
    Marriage is the transfer of wealth from men to women.

    http://www.lifesitenews.com/news/young-men-giving-up-on-marriage-women-arent-women-anymore/

    That's an F-ed up website for sure. Wow.
  • Stump_Likker
    Stump_Likker Posts: 2,059 Member
    Opposite work shifts
  • torabelle79
    torabelle79 Posts: 63 Member
    Ill be damned if I know! I'm going through a very messy divorce after only 6 years of marriage. I do however have the most amazing children that came from my marriage.....so not all bad :-)
  • kitfulofstarling
    kitfulofstarling Posts: 15
    I cannot stand couples who cannot do ANYTHING without their partners. My brother & his gf are like conjoined twins & they wonder why they fight constantly.

    I think every couple is different. I've had people tell me the same thing (i.e. "ugh, why do you always hang out together like you're attached at the hip?!), and I've known many couples who didn't want to spend much time together split up. I'm not sure there's much association, but I only have a handful of anecdotes for that assessment.

    My wife and I started dating in high school 13 years ago; we dated for 6 years and thus have been married for the past 7 years. We've been an "attached at the hip" couple in that we almost always do everything together. Why? Because she's my best friend, and I love doing things together with her. It works for us. *shrug*

    Respect each other. Respect that neither of you is perfect and learn to live with those imperfections. Pull your fair share of weight around the house (house chores, child duties, etc.).

    I completely agree with you, it is not about being together all the time or having more independence, it is about finding the person who matches you and to feel great with yourself, however you manage your relationship.
  • _quirky_girl_
    _quirky_girl_ Posts: 27 Member
    I'm newly wed and I've really enjoyed this post. Thank you everyone for your responses (even the trolls because they remind me what a wonderful man I married)!
  • _TimeForMe
    _TimeForMe Posts: 156 Member
    Married for 14, together for 17... Never keep a loaded gun in the house!! The feeling will pass! he he he, jk.
  • LMT2012
    LMT2012 Posts: 697 Member
    A fundamental belief that you are better of in this big, scary world by uniting forces rather than being alone. Oh, and a sense of humor and adventure.
  • TheRealParisLove
    TheRealParisLove Posts: 1,907 Member
    Don't share with your partner your complaints you have with them. Instead communicate with them how you'd rather be treated.
    Use "I" statements instead of "you" statements.
    Don't tolerate bad behavior from your partner. If you cave into a temper tantrum your partner is throwing (usually about sex or money) you are setting yourself up for more of that same behavior. If your partner gets his/her way after throwing a tantrum, he/she will throw more tantrums in the future. It is just human nature. If you don't want to be treated like that, don't cave into unreasonable requests.

    ETA: I don't think we need to share everything with each other. We've always had separate bank accounts, separate emails, separate phone numbers ect. We don't use the toilet in front of each other. There are just some things that just don't need to be shared. A little mystery keeps the sparks flying.
  • Addis_Daddy12
    Addis_Daddy12 Posts: 548 Member
    Dont join MFP...lol
  • onwarddownward
    onwarddownward Posts: 1,683 Member
    Separate vacations.
  • Macgeek74
    Macgeek74 Posts: 298 Member
    Alcohol.
  • pinkraynedropjacki
    pinkraynedropjacki Posts: 3,027 Member
    I been married for 17 years tomorrow.... the key was living in separate houses for the 1st 10 years
  • Macgeek74
    Macgeek74 Posts: 298 Member
    This may sound silly but thinking about this question, how about this one and it is one so many people don't do and that is marry someone you actually like.
  • pinkraynedropjacki
    pinkraynedropjacki Posts: 3,027 Member
    This may sound silly but thinking about this question, how about this one and it is one so many people don't do and that is marry someone you actually like.

    I don't like my husband at all. I love him. There is a difference. We spend 24/7 together.
  • Macgeek74
    Macgeek74 Posts: 298 Member
    I think that is awesome and he is a lucky guy. Just know though, not all couples are like that. I know many that never truly liked each other but went with it cause the sex was good or he or she had money or whatever the case was. It wasn't for the right reasons and they never got along.
  • xmel123x
    xmel123x Posts: 63
    We have been together 13 years and married for 4. Definitely humour, letting things go that don't matter, never go to bed angry with each other, make time to do things together, but have your own interests, be kind, think of how the other person is feeling, don't be selfish, learn how to talk to each other the right way and at the right times if you have a problem and make sure you do rather than stewing over it, things will never be perfect - but thats ok!

    But my two biggest bits of advice are these:

    1) If things are going a bit wrong or not working, instead of you both concentrating on what the other person does wrong and what they need to change, flip it over and take some responsibility, and both think about yourselves, what you can do yourself and how YOU can make the relationship work.

    2) Remember why you fell in love in the first place, remember that that first excitement will not last forever but instead you have to choose to love them, you picked them for a reason, remember those reasons!
  • Macgeek74
    Macgeek74 Posts: 298 Member
    We have been together 13 years and married for 4. Definitely humour, letting things go that don't matter, never go to bed angry with each other, make time to do things together, but have your own interests, be kind, think of how the other person is feeling, don't be selfish, learn how to talk to each other the right way and at the right times if you have a problem and make sure you do rather than stewing over it, things will never be perfect - but thats ok!

    But my two biggest bits of advice are these:

    1) If things are going a bit wrong or not working, instead of you both concentrating on what the other person does wrong and what they need to change, flip it over and take some responsibility, and both think about yourselves, what you can do yourself and how YOU can make the relationship work.

    2) Remember why you fell in love in the first place, remember that that first excitement will not last forever but instead you have to choose to love them, you picked them for a reason, remember those reasons!


    You are the example why I believe in cloning. That is the best advice. love it.
  • Ocarina
    Ocarina Posts: 1,550 Member
    Me and my husband have been married for four years. Hooked up in a few months... Usually not the smartest thing to do but we are an anomaly!

    Basically... marry someone who you can trust 100% and have nonstop conversations with. Someone with the same goal plans who has responsibility/stability and who will NEVER treat you wrong. There should be respect, honesty and love.

    Patience for arguments and understanding for flaws. Its not easier then being single but I think it makes the experience of life so much more well rounded and enjoyable. Being married rocks!!!
  • hbrittingham
    hbrittingham Posts: 2,518 Member
    This may sound silly but thinking about this question, how about this one and it is one so many people don't do and that is marry someone you actually like.

    Oh, I totally agree! I genuinely LIKE my husband. I also love him. There have been times the "like" has waned a bit over 23 years, but the love has always been there. That allowed the "like" to grow back to where it was before. We are truly best friends and prefer to spend time together over time with anyone else.
  • TeamDale
    TeamDale Posts: 383 Member
    Communication and friendship. Celebrating 29 years Nov. 8. :smile:
  • Iloveeyore78
    Iloveeyore78 Posts: 75 Member
    Never getting married.
    Marriage is the transfer of wealth from men to women.

    http://www.lifesitenews.com/news/young-men-giving-up-on-marriage-women-arent-women-anymore/

    Not really, it's been reported that 40% of women make more money than their husbands. I also am one of those women.

    http://www.nytimes.com/2013/05/30/business/economy/women-as-family-breadwinner-on-the-rise-study-says.html?_r=0

    Agreed. We will be married 10 years next June and I have always made significantly more money. Its not easy to make a marriage work but it is worth it. We have our ups and downs but the biggest thing is communication. The nice thing is we always seem to find one another again and it keeps it alive. :)
  • xmel123x
    xmel123x Posts: 63
    We have been together 13 years and married for 4. Definitely humour, letting things go that don't matter, never go to bed angry with each other, make time to do things together, but have your own interests, be kind, think of how the other person is feeling, don't be selfish, learn how to talk to each other the right way and at the right times if you have a problem and make sure you do rather than stewing over it, things will never be perfect - but thats ok!

    But my two biggest bits of advice are these:

    1) If things are going a bit wrong or not working, instead of you both concentrating on what the other person does wrong and what they need to change, flip it over and take some responsibility, and both think about yourselves, what you can do yourself and how YOU can make the relationship work.

    2) Remember why you fell in love in the first place, remember that that first excitement will not last forever but instead you have to choose to love them, you picked them for a reason, remember those reasons!


    You are the example why I believe in cloning. That is the best advice. love it.

    Aw thanks :)
  • whatshouldieat
    whatshouldieat Posts: 101 Member
    2 words: Yes Dear.... Otherwise in today's society people are so easy to just give up and walk away. It is sad how many divorces the U.S. see's everyday.
  • sarantonio
    sarantonio Posts: 880 Member
    We aren't a "long" marriage yet.. 10 years. We laugh together, that's a big one! For me, personally, the most important thing is honor... I never disrespect him (in public) a mans ego is important!! But he also shows me respect, and is genuinely interested in what I have going on, and supports me...
  • BeingProactive
    BeingProactive Posts: 1
    Dont join MFP...lol

    Id have to +1 this one. My wife joined MFP - lost a ton of weight and then after 15 years of marriage - threw it all away. Her MFP friends really gave her a lot of support to move on....without even knowing who I was.

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