Why you should NEVER pick a weight loss method because it helped someone else lose weight.
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GaleHawkins wrote: »neugebauer52 wrote: »A am not here for "positive" but for NEGATIVE results: my scale needs to go down, down, down. I have come to hate the word "diet" - that word got me into the mess I have been in most of my adult life. Thank's to MFP and so many supportive members I had to learn how to follow a healthier life style, that mental health comes first and physical health and well being will follow, what trigger foods mean, my ideal macro composition which I can live with very long term and does not require any "cheat days". Seems to me that there is a special approach to weight loss for every single person out there. It "only" takes time - I haven't gained 80 kg (175 pounds) overnight, so I have to prepare myself for the long run. 415 days with MFP, 33 kg (72 pounds) gone - so far, so good!
@neugebauer about 5 years ago after 40 years of failed diets I decided never to diet again because it was just killing me. After I did that I lost weight without thinking about losing weight and have maintained a 50 pound loss for 4 years eating the same foods that I was eating when I lost the weight. Thinking about not eating and going hungry to lose weight was a life time failure until I found the macros that worked for me long term. Best of continued success. If one is married to someone or something they feel the need to cheat on then maybe they are married to the wrong person or set of macros.
Interestingly enough, apart from the focus on specific macros, this sounds a lot like some of the body positivity/anti diet people I've read (like Laura Fraser in her book Losing It, and Isabel Foxen Duke). They talk a lot about the diet industry and how lots of women (and men too) struggle from a very young age with dieting (with the idea that it must be very strict and joyless, with stereotypical diet foods and low cals) and then of course tend to react to this by overindulging and get in a cycle where they were normal or only a bit overweight when they started and in some cases end up very obese and feeling defeated and self-hating and as if they are failures who can't do anything and have no willpower.
The idea that Fraser and Duke and others argue for is that taking the focus off losing or weight as the definition of failure or not, worth or not, and instead just doing healthful things that make you happy, exercising in a sustainable way, and eating a healthy diet often actually does lead to weight loss, or at least weight stabilization and the promise of future weight loss. Neither of them does keto (Fraser was into a mediterranean way of eating when she wrote Losing It, although she wasn't recommending any particular way of eating), but they found that for them the dieting mindset was counterproductive.
Oddly enough, when I read Losing It, it inspired me to diet (I was just into the obese range at the time), but with the idea that I would not fall into unhealthy ways to lose weight or diet. I was lucky that I never had dieted before (I thought about it as a teen -- when I was normal weight but wanted to be thinner -- but never did), so didn't have a lot of the hangups, and hadn't really gotten a lot of the dieting advice in general, so I was able to read about how to lose without that mindset and decided to do so intentionally with the idea in the back of my mind that so long as I ate a healthy diet and exercised and was as healthy as possible if it didn't work and I didn't lose it would be okay. But of course I did lose, and without ever eating foods I didn't enjoy or being hungry (I have a feeling I would have little tolerance for an extended period of being hungry).6 -
I also dislike when I am doing something that is working for me (CICO, keeping food I enjoy in moderation) and others still feel a need to tell me why what I am doing is wrong and that I should be doing what they are doing instead. I never mind hearing what others try and find success with and I enjoy reading posts as there are a lot of good tips and ideas out there. But don’t push your way as the only way.
My sister does this. Insists that eliminating all bread and dairy is what I should do because it worked for her. Drives me crazy.
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We live in a time where a work lunch consists of gluten free, vegan, and dairy free salads or a sandwich as an option. I was definitely the odd one out being the only one that ate a sandwich. I’m also the only one who (consensus says) “doesn’t need to lose weight”. Hmmm. Weird.2
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The idea that Fraser and Duke and others argue for is that taking the focus off losing or weight as the definition of failure or not, worth or not, and instead just doing healthful things that make you happy, exercising in a sustainable way, and eating a healthy diet often actually does lead to weight loss, or at least weight stabilization and the promise of future weight loss. Neither of them does keto (Fraser was into a mediterranean way of eating when she wrote Losing It, although she wasn't recommending any particular way of eating), but they found that for them the dieting mindset was counterproductive.
This is one of the cornerstones of my own system. While I do make sure I am in a calorie deficit most days I prefer to think of it as eating a healthy and satisfying number of calories and if I lose weight too that is a bonus. I was way too scale and weight obsessed in the past and it was never sustainable for long periods of time. This way takes all the pressure off me to do anything but try and be happy today.
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My reasons for not picking a diet because it helped someone else:
My current method is a combination of 4 different plan systems with rules and concepts that are made up by me and different people I have heard mention good ideas over the years.
So, obviously you have benefited by people sharing their ideas on weight loss. I know I have. The reason people share the current plan they are on that "appears" to be having success for them is because it "appears" to be having success for them and perhaps it will help someone else. Whether or not that will translate into their "answer" to their weight issues, it is the sharing with others that can be helpful to the rest of us...like you yourself said in the part of your quote that I have highlighted, YOU have obviously benefited from others sharing what they think are good ideas. And you have also picked & chosen components from various plans to suit you so I'm unsure why it bothers you so much if someone else thinks their current plan is "the one".
While you may tailor someone else's ideas to your personal preferences, it is still due to someone else's sharing their ideas. And certainly others have benefited from you sharing your thoughts also. I thought that's what MFP is all about; a type of group support. We are in this common struggle to help each other & sharing is part of that. Thank you for sharing.
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My favourite social media post about dieting was one where a woman started by asking "which diet is right for me?" And her answer was simply "whichever one you can stick to.
Keto, south beach, calorie counting, weight watchers...all of those plans will work IF you can follow it.
My mistake was in thinking that if I couldn't follow it perfectly that the whole thing was garbage...moderation and progress instead of perfection have been much better for me ❤4 -
lorrainequiche59 wrote: »My reasons for not picking a diet because it helped someone else:
My current method is a combination of 4 different plan systems with rules and concepts that are made up by me and different people I have heard mention good ideas over the years.
So, obviously you have benefited by people sharing their ideas on weight loss. I know I have. The reason people share the current plan they are on that "appears" to be having success for them is because it "appears" to be having success for them and perhaps it will help someone else. Whether or not that will translate into their "answer" to their weight issues, it is the sharing with others that can be helpful to the rest of us...like you yourself said in the part of your quote that I have highlighted, YOU have obviously benefited from others sharing what they think are good ideas. And you have also picked & chosen components from various plans to suit you so I'm unsure why it bothers you so much if someone else thinks their current plan is "the one".
While you may tailor someone else's ideas to your personal preferences, it is still due to someone else's sharing their ideas. And certainly others have benefited from you sharing your thoughts also. I thought that's what MFP is all about; a type of group support. We are in this common struggle to help each other & sharing is part of that. Thank you for sharing.
There's a difference between sharing "what worked for me" and insisting that there is one best way or that you need to do something to lose. The latter is IMO obnoxious and offputting.7 -
I think some folks are missing the point of the OP. He's not saying people shouldn't tell others about their method, or that people can't learn from others success. He's saying you shouldn't just jump on a diet because someone else had success, and that just because something was best for one person doesn't mean it's best for everyone.
We get lots of posts here from newbies who say they are doing keto (or IF or vegan or Atkins or Cross fit or whatever) because a coworker has had great success with it this month and then ask "so how do you do keto? What can I eat?" They have no idea what they're doing, they're just jumping on a bandwagon.
We also get lots of posts here from people insisting that some method is the best and healthiest way and they're living proof and they will happily do this forever. And then it comes out that they've only been following it for a couple of months.
And when you put those two groups together, you end up with lots of yo-yo dieters who keep trying every method under the sun without understanding the pros and cons of any of them. Which is why people lose hope.
Sorry to paraphrase you @NovusDies especially if I'm off the mark
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lorrainequiche59 wrote: »My reasons for not picking a diet because it helped someone else:
My current method is a combination of 4 different plan systems with rules and concepts that are made up by me and different people I have heard mention good ideas over the years.
So, obviously you have benefited by people sharing their ideas on weight loss. I know I have. The reason people share the current plan they are on that "appears" to be having success for them is because it "appears" to be having success for them and perhaps it will help someone else. Whether or not that will translate into their "answer" to their weight issues, it is the sharing with others that can be helpful to the rest of us...like you yourself said in the part of your quote that I have highlighted, YOU have obviously benefited from others sharing what they think are good ideas. And you have also picked & chosen components from various plans to suit you so I'm unsure why it bothers you so much if someone else thinks their current plan is "the one".
While you may tailor someone else's ideas to your personal preferences, it is still due to someone else's sharing their ideas. And certainly others have benefited from you sharing your thoughts also. I thought that's what MFP is all about; a type of group support. We are in this common struggle to help each other & sharing is part of that. Thank you for sharing.
I have learned things from people who have been completely successful or been in a plan long enough to truly understand it not from people who are 3 week experts.
In context of the entire original post the title of this thread would read:
Why you should never pick a weight loss method ONLY because it helped someone else lose weight.
I left it out intentionally to make it seem more controversial but I assumed most people just like @kimny72 would get it.7 -
@NovusDies I suppose when you entitle your thread "Why 'YOU' should NEVER...." you are giving your own brand of advice & recommendation and doing exactly what you are accusing others of in promoting their ideas...perhaps if you had entitled your thread, "The reasons 'I' NEVER...." it may come across different....but then, it could just be me. And perhaps it is just me because you seem to have quite a support group here although there is one comment that seems to get my line of thought.
I suppose I don't really understand what you are so bothered about if someone else tries to promote their untested ideas...and whether or not they stick to it for a few weeks or one day...like you said, you pick & choose what fits you. If I read something that bugs me, I can skip the rest of the that person's posts...roll my eyeballs, I can comment or not and then go about my bizz. At the same time, I don't often, if ever, feel that others are imposing their new & improved WOE on me. AND having said all that, I don't belong on this thread LOL So I'll bow out of the discussion and hope the best for you. 7 -
lorrainequiche59 wrote: »@NovusDies I suppose when you entitle your thread "Why 'YOU' should NEVER...." you are giving your own brand of advice & recommendation and doing exactly what you are accusing others of in promoting their ideas...perhaps if you had entitled your thread, "The reasons 'I' NEVER...." it may come across different....but then, it could just be me. And perhaps it is just me because you seem to have quite a support group here although there is one comment that seems to get my line of thought.
I suppose I don't really understand what you are so bothered about if someone else tries to promote their untested ideas...and whether or not they stick to it for a few weeks or one day...like you said, you pick & choose what fits you. If I read something that bugs me, I can skip the rest of the that person's posts...roll my eyeballs, I can comment or not and then go about my bizz. At the same time, I don't often, if ever, feel that others are imposing their new & improved WOE on me. AND having said all that, I don't belong on this thread LOL So I'll bow out of the discussion and hope the best for you.
There are a lot of impressionable people out there bouncing from diet to diet. If I can help even one break free of the cycle of failure I was in then this thread has done its job.
Different people will read it differently. That is why replies on a message board are good because they can help clarify things.13 -
I think if NovusDies' OP was read from the angle it was posted out of frustration because of reaching some irritable level that just couldn't be handled anymore - it was totally misread.
That wasn't a spur the moment frustration post (you can find plenty of those examples around to tell the difference) - this was an educational post with more joining in as to why so true.11 -
A coworker was having success slowly losing weight with the help of an app called MFP and I tried it. It worked for me too and I’ve kept the weight off for 5 years and counting. I’m glad I tried it, how else would I have known it could work?
Other coworkers were doing things like cleanses, restrictive diets, patches, fasting for days, “little purple pills”, wishing they could get free gastric bypass and not getting any lasting results so that stuff did not appeal to me to try. These coworkers tried MFP but wanted instant gratification instead so they didn’t stick with it long term. They are still obese.
There’s nothing wrong with trying something reasonable that worked for someone else but we have to use our own good judgment and be realistic. There is no magic fix. We have to be willing to put in the work to reap the benefits and be patient enough to see the results. Sometimes we just have to be ready and willing to change.3 -
snickerscharlie wrote: »The only calorie-deficit plan that works is the one you can stick to.
True and in actuality you will only lose fat if you are maintaining a daily caloric deficit. All of those plans that are working for people are doing so because it is making them eat less calories. It may not be the big selling point to each diet or how its presented. But consuming less calories than you expend is what is actually causing the weight loss.1 -
Anytime someone starts with “you can’t have” when describing a weight loss regimen, I completely tune it out. I want to be able to eat ALL the foods I love. Life is much too short to live that way. And if they tell me fruit is bad for me, I run the other way.8
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This is a great point. I'm a long way away from my goal and maintenance - I'm not even the person you described, who has been successful in both weight loss AND maintenance - but it's still easy for me to start thinking that my way is the right way because I've actually started to have some success and it has lasted longer than any of my previous weight loss attempts. But ultimately, I've only figured out what is working for me. Just because something works for me doesn't mean it will work for someone else, and just because it doesn't work for me doesn't mean it won't work for someone else.3) Even if a person lost all the weight they wanted to lose and maintained that loss for years it only means they are an expert on themselves. Much of weight loss is mental not physical and while we all may lose weight because of a calorie deficit we won't have the same mentality while doing it.2 -
bobsburgersfan wrote: »
This is a great point. I'm a long way away from my goal and maintenance - I'm not even the person you described, who has been successful in both weight loss AND maintenance - but it's still easy for me to start thinking that my way is the right way because I've actually started to have some success and it has lasted longer than any of my previous weight loss attempts. But ultimately, I've only figured out what is working for me. Just because something works for me doesn't mean it will work for someone else, and just because it doesn't work for me doesn't mean it won't work for someone else.3) Even if a person lost all the weight they wanted to lose and maintained that loss for years it only means they are an expert on themselves. Much of weight loss is mental not physical and while we all may lose weight because of a calorie deficit we won't have the same mentality while doing it.
Agreed. I would even go so far as to say that my exact system of weight reduction (food choices, rules, etc) would probably not work for most people. Some of the things I do like trying to be happy each day I will suggest to other people but they are pretty generic.
It is also worth noting that just because we are both on MFP and presumably both calorie counting that does not mean we are "doing the same thing." We probably have many things in common but have vastly more that is different between us.3
This discussion has been closed.
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