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Fair to Request “No Junk Food” at HOME?
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My partner bought home one of those 150g of crisps on Friday night. I didnt know until I came down to the kitchen on saturday morning. Half the bag was left and left on the side. I threw them in the bin. I cannot have crisps in the house, I dont even like them but I will sit there and eat them. I was a bit cross about it.
If I were your husband I would be a bit cross myself..
Unless you both already had an agreement and he had agreed to not bringing such food home and to you throwing it out if he did
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No, you are each adults and can make your own decisions.11
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I think of it this way.
If you and your husband talked about it, or you simply made the request and he's good with it, it's absolutely fine. Because this is an issue for you, when you are trying hard to do something important to you, and all this is basically a request for assistance from him.
There is nothing wrong with that. There is nothing wrong with saying: I need help from my loved one. Or asking for that help.
And yeah, sometimes that help requires extra effort on our loved one's parts, but that's something most of us are willing to do. We stay up late with a friend who is studying for a test, we set up our house in a pattern so our blind child doesn't trip over things, we don't get a cat because our husband is allergic, and so on.
Is it something that he wouldn't do without this request? Probably.
Is it too much to ask? Doesn't seem like it. You are not trying to control him; you are trying to request, well, I think of it like an accommodation to help you with something you are struggling with. That is not too much to ask, from the person who loves you and who decided to spend his life with you, you know?
If you had said he wasn't allowed to eat any junk food, anywhere, because YOU were dieting (which I have actually seen partners do), THAT would be unfair. That's wanting to control someone else in ways that don't relate to you.
But as long as you guys talk - I mean, being truly open if he talks about having a problem with it, so that you support him and he supports you, you know? Then it sounds fine.
And also, re: the one response about being a grown adult and just deal with it? IMHO, that only works if everyone, everywhere, is perfect. And we're not. We all have things we're good at, and things we're not. And we can help each other with things we're not good at, you know? Sure, maybe you could, with much, much effort, MAYBE resist the urge to eat at night.
But...your partner could also make your life a little easier, like we always hope family will do for each other, you know?
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When I first started eating healthier to lose weight, it was very difficult to be around sweets because I hadn’t yet completely transitioned out of that “eat-whatever-I-want-free-for-all” mindset. After a couple weeks of steady weight loss under my belt, I had the motivation and willpower to ignore the extra chips/cookies/etc that were in my house. On occasion I’m frustrated (envious?) watching other family members snacking or chowing down on cake with reckless abandon when I don’t have the budgeted calories to over-indulge in it as well, but 99% of the time it doesn’t phase me.
I don’t think it’s unfair to *ask* (not demand) that your husband either not have it in the house or to hide it extremely well (don’t let him tell you which option he chooses so that you don’t go hunting for it!). You have a diagnosed disorder with sleep-eating that you have not yet overcome. I don’t think it’s unfair to ask your husband to help you with what is considered a medical issue. And if your hubby says it doesn’t bother him, take him at his word. It is typically women who say they are “fine” when they usually are not (in my experience). If your husband said he was not OK with keeping his snacks out of sight, it would be a different story. Be thankful you have a very supportive husband— he sounds like a good guy who wants to help his wife succeed.4 -
I think it's fair to ask, but agree with others it's an ask the other people in the house need to be on board with. It's not necessarily something we can demand. At our house, we keep minimal junk and the compromise is buying things that don't tempt me but that he still loves. Flavors of ice cream that aren't my favorite, chip flavors I don't really like, his favorite candies that aren't my faves, etc. Also having my husband put his things on a high pantry shelf that I can't reach without a stool is helpful. It sounds silly, but my self-control stinks and a barrier plus knowing it's "HIS", plus not being my favorite is what it takes to me my sneaky paws off!4
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You've gotten great advice here. All of this sounds really familiar. The world is full of breakrooms populated with people who don't and won't eat like we need or want to eat. I had to get used to it if I wanted to make my health a priority. There were cupboards dedicated to licorice, gummy bears, crackers, popcorn, cheese whiz, hershey kisses, peanut m & m's. You name it, it was in there. Donuts, cinnamon rolls, bagels, peanut butter, jam, jelly, cheetos, taco chips. Sigh.
I started a journal because I have found writing my feelings, my fears, my hopes and general thoughts on just about everything has been an invaluable tool. I can see the flaws in my thinking and it keeps my hands and mind busy during all of the inevitable rough patches at home or work.6 -
I'm so sorry about your struggle and I pray that you will overcome your eating disorder. My husband has his junk food, I even buy it for him when I shop. BUT...I'm SO SICK AND TIRED OF BEING OVER-WEIGHT that I have finally got this mind set...I am no longer going to eat those empty calories. So, his candy, popsicles and cracker jacks just don't even faze me! I'm hoping for that for you! I have had my struggles, but 5 wks into this, it's getting easier. We're all in this together and we can do it!!!6
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Buy him a strongbox. Or fit a padlock to one cupboard. Compromise.5
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When I was in recovery for bulimia there were certain things I couldn't have around easily. For awhile, we didn't buy certain types of crackers, for example. Then later, my husband kept them hidden in his desk in the living room. I knew they were there but I wasn't confronted with the box every time I opened the cupboard, so they were easier to forget about. Now they can be in the house and it's not an issue.
My husband was supportive throughout and I never made it a demand. Just articulated it was something that would help me sort out my food issues.6 -
Why don't you get a cooler or something with a lock on it. He can keep his stuff there.2
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Tried, didn't work.0
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Since our children have left home my husband and I have agreed to not have sugary confectionery and crisps in the house. It works really well for both of us. We seldom eat that type of food which is beneficial to both of us and if we want to eat it we may eat it elsewhere. I am glad that we have both come to this arrangement. I could not force my husband not to bring such food in unless he agreed to it. We both benefit from this policy and we keep plenty of good healthy food in the house.4
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So my question is that if it's an issue now, why would it change once you reached goal? Does that mean your husband for the rest of the time can't have junk in the house because you're afraid you still can't control yourself?
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Out of sight out of mind2
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TL; DR: fair to ask others to honor a “no junk in the house” rule?
If he keeps doing it, withhold until he folds.
(Good thing this is anonymous. The bros would beat me for divulging secrets)
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I think it's fair to request no junk food at home, but if the other people are not willing to give up the junk food, they should at least try to help keep you honest and accountable. I found that those closest to me sometimes are the worst sources of peer pressure when it comes to sharing in poor eating habits. I guess that kind of sounds harsh, but sometimes you need that extra help from those closest to you4
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I think that the one dieting is responsible for what they eat, and that they need to manage themselves.
I appreciate it can be difficult to resist foods you feel you shouldnt eat, but even if you exclude them from the home they are out there in the real world all the time so the discipline to resist/decline them still needs to be developed.
I think its completely fair to ask for help in your journey, for some consideration, but I think that needs to be done in the full acceptance that it is your journey. Yours alone. And so what the other person does is really up to them.
And I dont think its fair to expect someone else to change too considerably simply because you wanted to change for yourself.
Of course, where that line is drawn depends on the individual. Some are very accommodating, some would feel rather put out.
So, completely fair to ask, but not to expect, I guess?
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TL; DR: fair to ask others to honor a “no junk in the house” rule?
If he keeps doing it, withhold until he folds.
(Good thing this is anonymous. The bros would beat me for divulging secrets)
I have never had a secret stash, nor would I ever feel the need to "sneak" food from my significant other. Thats a totally foreign idea to me, but I don't view any food as bad so maybe that has something to do with it.19 -
TL; DR: fair to ask others to honor a “no junk in the house” rule?
If he keeps doing it, withhold until he folds.
(Good thing this is anonymous. The bros would beat me for divulging secrets)
I have never had a secret stash, nor would I ever feel the need to "sneak" food from my significant other. Thats a totally foreign idea to me, but I don't view any food as bad so maybe that has something to do with it.
Same here. Stashing food?
Heck, I don't stash anything away.... no food, no pills, no booze; it seems silly and just a lil, I dunno..... desperate.9 -
paperpudding wrote: »My partner bought home one of those 150g of crisps on Friday night. I didnt know until I came down to the kitchen on saturday morning. Half the bag was left and left on the side. I threw them in the bin. I cannot have crisps in the house, I dont even like them but I will sit there and eat them. I was a bit cross about it.
If I were your husband I would be a bit cross myself..
Unless you both already had an agreement and he had agreed to not bringing such food home and to you throwing it out if he did
I know him quite well. I know that he hasnt even thought about the fact that they were there. And he hasnt even remembered that he had them or asked where they are or wondered where they were. He does this all the time with food, brings food in, leaves it on the top, doesnt eat it, wont eat things if they have been left 'too long' (which is not very long) and so I end up eating them because I dont like waste but all that has done is make me fat
So yes I threw them away. He hasnt even noticed or remembered them.5
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