Creepy guy at the Gym
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I had a bad experience in a gym setting once and it's a terrible feeling. I was on the bench, had just unracked when all of the sudden a guy stepped right up on me, like his dangly bits directly over my face, practically straddling my head. I'm in a co-ed college weight room, not a soul around. I'm holding about 140 pounds in a reverse grip & I couldn't even lift to rerack because he wouldn't move. My buddy showed up (late!) after a few tense minutes & the guy left but it was a helpless feeling. I've never been back to a gym of any kind and that was over 20 years ago.
If you feel uncomfortable, tell someone and listen to your instincts. Have someone walk you to your car too. If you can, go at a different time so maybe he won't be there.
You let a guy standing over you stop you from going to a gym for 20 years? Also 140 lb. bench with a reverse grip? Wut?
Yup....the very short nasty conversation and things he did to me in those few minutes made me understand exactly how helpless a person can be, male or female. I was strong, very strong for a girl because I was competitive weight training at the time & I probably could have stomped a mudhole in his a** if I wasn't trapped under the bar, but I was. Doesn't matter, my daddy built me my own gym. Women were not welcome in the heavy areas back then so I was used to alot of crap anyways, but that fellow pushed the limit right into jail.0 -
OP - somewhere on some other forum, that guy is probably posting something like this:
"I met this really cute girl at the gym. I got up the nerve to go up and talk to her, introduce myself casually, and I try to work out near her hoping we can have a real conversation while we work out. I really like her but I'm shy and self-conscious and she won't even look me in the eye, like I'm some sort of pariah. How do I let her know I'm interested without setting myself up for yet another rejection?"
Calling a guy creepy for looking at you and talking to you is straight-up conceited. If you're so attractive and irresistible that you have your pick of all men, try being a nice person at the same time. From what you described, he did absolutely nothing wrong. If you don't like it, then entertain his conversation and let him know you're not interested. On the off chance he really does become creepy, then you are justified in taking it to the next level.0 -
Sometimes I like the attention, sometimes I don't.
Why did you think he is creepy?0 -
I follow my gut. If my gut screams creep, he's a creep. I would be myself (biotch) and make it a point to move to a different machine. Especially if the creepiness is messing with my workout. He can't follow you to every machine.
I agree. I don't like it when people say 'oh he's just trying to be friendly'. maybe he us, maybe not, but if your creep-o-meter is beeping, then listen to it. move to a different machine. if he keeps following you then report him.0 -
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call the police!
Call the police and say what? Some guy was making small talk and he was caught checking her out while stretching?0 -
Apparently every conversation with a stranger of the opposite sex is a precursor to sexual assault.0
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Sounds like maybe he is trying to learn from you about running, if that isn't the case, I would bring a male friend or boyfriend, or before I was married I would put a ring on finger and make sure they saw it!!! lol0
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OP - somewhere on some other forum, that guy is probably posting something like this:
"I met this really cute girl at the gym. I got up the nerve to go up and talk to her, introduce myself casually, and I try to work out near her hoping we can have a real conversation while we work out. I really like her but I'm shy and self-conscious and she won't even look me in the eye, like I'm some sort of pariah. How do I let her know I'm interested without setting myself up for yet another rejection?"
Calling a guy creepy for looking at you and talking to you is straight-up conceited. If you're so attractive and irresistible that you have your pick of all men, try being a nice person at the same time. From what you described, he did absolutely nothing wrong. If you don't like it, then entertain his conversation and let him know you're not interested. On the off chance he really does become creepy, then you are justified in taking it to the next level.
This. I missed reading this comment the first time through. Good point.0 -
Ill never understand what is so wrong with being friendly and trying to make a friend along the way who shares a common interest...
poor guy.0 -
move, he isnt dangling his man vegetables in your face.0
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I am trying to understand where he is being creepy ..if all the other machines were empty why would he be rude and go on one way across the way when he was cordial and said hi to you previously..seems your the rude one...if you want a machine to yourself in a corner workout at home....now on the other hand if u change machines and he follows you yeah then maybe he is a creep..but I really think your just thinking way too much..hes probably just attracted to you..its life...0
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Th only thing that makes me uncomfortable is when people stand outside if the group ex room duri g most of class and stare in without coming in. I'm a group ex instructor Nd our room is down a secluded hallway. Had a guy a year or two ago that would act like he was upstairs looking in the raquet ball court until class started. Spend 40-45 minutes watching us, then leave before the next class showed up. Management kept and eye out, but it only lasted about 5 weeks.
Other then that I have guys ask me about my workouts all the time, I find its a great way to open dialogue in the weight or cardio room and find out more about them . . . and let them find out more about me (eg, married, child, dogs, a little private). Never shy away from that conversation because its always either 1) a way to share information with a like minded resource or 2) way to share enough about you to let them know you are t interested while being polite.
Gym people are great resources for information and program sharing no matter your results. If you're rude to one regular they all find out and limit your access to that great resource through alienation.0 -
Creepy was the day that I found a handwritten note on my car at the gym that read "I have been watching you..." At least you know who is watching and you have the opportunity to advise him that you are not interested! I would try subtle hints as others advised such as moving to another machine or mentioning that you don't prefer to converse when working out. If he persists then be direct and say thanks but that you are simply not interested. If he still continues to pursue you it is harassment and management should get involved.0
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Sorry, can't say that I have had the same experience. But your fears are totally legit. Harassment after all is the effect, not the intent. However, I suggest you take a step back and ask yourself:I am a long distance runner and normally run on the roads..but because its raining and it can get hot at times I been running in treadmill at the gym. The Gym is small and I am always conscious about myself as everyone is watching everyone else .So I am a on with my earphone listening to music ..After my one hour run I was stretching ..this random dude walks to me and tries to talk to me..everyone at the gym turns there head. He ask some question about running basically he was trying to introduce himself
I was answering without being friendly nor being rude. After that I was trying to avoid any kind of eye contact with him and stay away from him. After that day he has been checking me out and staring all the time when I stretch and always taking the treadmill me next to me even if the rest of the treadmills are empty . This is really disappointing me and I cant concentrate on my run
Did anyone has same experience ??
1) Is there any other person who's watching me too?
2) Is he watching other people?
3) Does he talk to anyone else?
4) What do the others think of him? The gym personnel and mainstays could totally clue you in.
You look like the approachable type, and maybe that's why he talked to you. I personally talk to anyone who approaches me--except, you know, drunks and men brandishing knives. It's pretty hard to muster up the courage to talk to a stranger, so it's just good manners to reciprocate by being gracious.
Communication helps. If he totally creeps you out with sleazy/douchey words and actions, you could always tell him that he's making you uncomfortable. Bring a friend next time and see if he/she gets the same creepy vibes. If he's totally earnest in making friends, he'll back off and tone it down.0 -
I am a long distance runner and normally run on the roads..but because its raining and it can get hot at times I been running in treadmill at the gym. The Gym is small and I am always conscious about myself as everyone is watching everyone else .So I am a on with my earphone listening to music ..After my one hour run I was stretching ..this random dude walks to me and tries to talk to me..everyone at the gym turns there head. He ask some question about running basically he was trying to introduce himself
I was answering without being friendly nor being rude. After that I was trying to avoid any kind of eye contact with him and stay away from him. After that day he has been checking me out and staring all the time when I stretch and always taking the treadmill me next to me even if the rest of the treadmills are empty . This is really disappointing me and I cant concentrate on my run
Did anyone has same experience ??
Have you told him that while you're flattered, you aren't interested? You know, just own and control the situation?0 -
This'ing all of this.Honestly doesn't sound like he's crossed the "creepy" threshold just yet. Next time he takes the treadmill next to you move. He might get the hint just from that.
Yeah, this.
You may want to consider that in fact he is just being friendly.
Not every man expects he will have sex with every single woman he talks to during his day. I know, its hard to believe but true.
Telling management would be a spineless, douche-bag move.
Part of me sympathizes with you, and the male part of me is slightly annoyed that members of the opposite sex paying attention to you is a "problem" at the gym. Must be nice....
"You know this one time this woman at the gym kept looking at me and tried talking to me. What a creeper." It sounds just weird. Double standards man. Double standards.
This.
I see these type threads more and more.
What the hell is wrong with a guy trying to get to know a girl at the gym? Is this now off-limits?? Proximity is one of the basic Laws of Attraction.
If you haven't told him you aren't seeing someone or aren't interested then what's the issue. Has he been inappropriate towards you? if not, why label him a creep? Just because he's trying to find a way to become familiar with you and thereby get to know you? And maybe even, god forbid, work up the courage to ask you out or something?
If I am missing something please enlighten me. Of course if there is more to the story and my comments are off the mark then I will apologize to the OP.
But for now, what gives?
Apparently "stranger danger" has stayed with some people for way too long.
How sheltered are you OP? None of what you described seemed over the line at all. Just seems like a shy guy who may be a little socially inept, as we all are in some way. I get a lot of unwanted attention, always have. I make it clear I'm really not interested and move on. It's not so hard.0 -
The real creeper test is if they try to give you gifts, like personal photos or stuffed jackalopes. Did he try to do this with you?
I'd cook dinner for anyone who gave me a stuffed jackalope. Those are so awesome.
Seriously. Gourmet. Dinner.0 -
obvious creep! he just tried to get all of us to his house and cook for us! DANGER!!The real creeper test is if they try to give you gifts, like personal photos or stuffed jackalopes. Did he try to do this with you?
I'd cook dinner for anyone who gave me a stuffed jackalope. Those are so awesome.
Seriously. Gourmet. Dinner.0 -
... Did anyone has same experience ??
Yes. I had the exact same experience. That same guy was bothering me last week. I can't stand that guy.
Awwww..... you are sexy... for BOTH sex's.... I can see that.0 -
Ok so... help me out, what is a good approach?
You're hot, I'm digging it, we're at the gym. What would at least not cause you to immediately go home and blog/forum post about my creepiness.
I've always been curious at that.0 -
On a serious note, because it has happened to me... just be honest with him and tell him it is creeping you out and you don't appreciate it. I'm always upfront and honest, and when I said that, the guy left me alone. If he doesn't then report him....especially if you have talked to him about it and told him you liked your personal space. Seems kinda simple if you are the type of person that doesn't mind confronting her/his problems upfront. Personally that is the best way to be.0
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call the police!
Call the police and say what? Some guy was making small talk and he was caught checking her out while stretching?
Yes, that way the police can storm someone's house, shoot a dog, and we can all get on with our forgetting to rerack things.
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Heh, that's hilarious.
Then again, one of my favorite places in Boston did get blown up. Maybe I should laugh less.0 -
OP, continue to follow your instincts.
Even if they are wrong in this situation, it is better to be safe than sorry.
I agree with moving to a different machine.
The world is not rainbows and lollipops.
Stranger danger lasts a lifetime.0 -
The guy at the gym crossed a boundary for the OP. That can happen unintentionally, but some people have no boundaries. The appropriate response is to assert your boundaries. VERY clearly. Something like, "You follow me around anymore and I'll rip off your head and @#$% down your throat," might do nicely. I wouldn't go and quit the gym because I lack the courage to stand up to a stranger and set boundaries. Nor would I walk around and let resentment fester. Just hit the nail on the head. Settle it. You want space? Make it. But don't be one of those people who walks around with a huge amount of emotional baggage that winds up hardening into prejudice.0
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Op - so you were running and when you finished running this guy came up and asked you questions about running?
When he gets on the machine beside you is he running?
I'm not trying to say he's not a creep and i haven't experienced what you have so can't really Judge but maybe he was interested in getting to know you or just interested in learning more about running.
As others have said, try moving away if you feel uncomfortable.0 -
pfft trolls be trolling0
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Harassment after all is the effect, not the intent.
Could you expand on this statement? Are you saying that the perception of harassment makes any social interaction harassment no matter what the intent is?0
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