I'm not trying to insult anyone by trying to lose weight.

FlaxMilk

You can't worry how people in a public forum see your views of your body. (I did not read the previous thread, just basing this on the thoughts in this one.) It may be one thing if you went to message boards for morbidly obese people to call yourself "very fat," but as long as you aren't doing that, talking about how you see yourself on a public board for people of any size shouldn't be an insult to anyone else. Does the 300 lb person get to call himself fat or does he need to worry how the 400 lb woman will feel? Someone will always have it worse. If you are insulted by someone who is not overweight feeling fat, try having compassion for her instead.

And to OP, I agree with the person who said someone may feel insulted by anything you say or do, and you can't let that get in your way. Be kind, don't insult or attack others, but don't spend your life worrying about how others perceive something you said that has nothing to do with your views about them.

fultimers

Ellebrosseau,

Most of the people on MFP are supportive as long as the person asking for advice or "ranting" has sensible or healthy goals. However, some are not supportive enough and there will always be someone who has to be unnecessarily negative. I wouldn't worry about "offending" people. There will always be someone who takes something the wrong way--probably because of issues in their own life that are unresolved.

Most of the responders to your post had some good advice. Take the advice that makes sense to you and ignore the rest.

ellebrosseau

This is going to be both a thank you and an apology.

To start, I am sorry to anyone and everyone I may have offended when I called myself "VERY fat." Very fat as a standard for me is a whole lot different from very fat as a standard for you. When I look in the mirror, I see every imperfection that I possess, physical AND mental. When I look at all of you, I see all the wonderful things about you as a person and all the wonderful accomplishments you're making in relation to your body. I don't think you're fat or that you have a problem. The problem is only me and will always be only me.

With that said, I know I'm not overweight; however, I am not comfortable with my body. I could be, want to be, and INTEND TO BE better. In the past I've been hospitalized for a weak heart because I stopped eating. I would fast for three days, eat 300-400 calories, and do it again... but that ISN'T what I'm doing this time. I'm doing what's right for my body.

To finish up...

Thank you to everyone who expressed concern, even if I felt that it was in a hurtful manner. I know that I may have touched a nerve as weight loss can be a scary thing if not done properly.

In the end, though, I'm not sorry to the person who messaged me saying she felt insulted by my goals. It isn't my fault that you have more to lose than I do, and I shouldn't be any less open because of it. There's always someone who's better off than you are; there's always someone who's worse off than you are. If you worry about other people's goals, you won't be able to achieve your own. All I can do is support the friends I make here- whether they have more or less to lose than I do.

If I want to be successful, I can't worry about what everyone thinks about my body. I felt very discouraged after my first post and after some of the PMs that followed. In fact, I almost switched to Lose It in hopes of finding more supportive people... before I realized that I can't please everyone.

So thank you and I'm sorry.
-Elle

NonnyMary

Hi - yeah I look in the mirror and i see all my imperfections too.

I wish it were not so, but we are sometimes our own worst critic. Some one told me when I was picking on myself too much, they said, if I were another person, and I heard myself talking bad about me, what could I say? would I say "hey dont pick on yourself too much, your a beautiful person"

Well now that you apologized to people, tomorrow is a new day. Forget the past and just do what the day will bring, and not worry about everyone else. Actually really, you didn't hurt anyone.. this is the internet and really, when you turn the button off, it all disappears. But then we have real life to face. I think best give the most energy to real life, not the internet. I mean really, if I went into a coma, no one here on the internet would know or be able to help me.

So I try to deal with real life and not worry too much about people on the computer. I'm not trying to be mean or cold, and I dont mean I do not appreciate people here. What I am saying is - I've been on the internet since the internet began in the 1990s or so. In that time I have been involved with various message boards and I really got too-involved with some people who turned out to be freaks. One person told me he had to de-friend me because I was messing up his religious ministry (but he was trying to hide, and I just told him what he wrote which made it obvious who he was - long story but I think he was really an internet freak with a made up story) This guy said he was in the Middle East as a missionary and I got overly involved, but that really screwed around with me coz I invested a whole lot of energy into that guys' religious ministry - he being a christian in a middle east country or so he claimed,, but i think he was a big liar.. but i cant prove it but it messed me up for along time what he told me. I did nothing wrong!!!

so anyhoo, on the internet you will meet all kinds of people. some are straight forward and tell it like it is, some are gentle, some are freaks, some are genuine, some are guys who want to meet up for a booty call, some are bored and have nothing better to do than sit and make fun of people and mess with them for fun, some are dangerous, some are safe, all kinds of poeple come on the internet. some people are just telling the truth and others perceive it as judging while other perceive it as helping.

so dont let anyone on the internet mess up your day, because really its the people in real life that count. The rest of the people that you find that are truly good, are like icing on the cake. And i am thankful for those! ((on MFP here, I have found a lot of nice people - hang with the ones that you feel are supportive and disregard the rest, because everyone is just doing their best for the most part, and dont mean any harm, at least so far what i've seen in my few months here - look for those people and hang with them - and remember, everyone has imperfections and maybe having a bad day).

MsWallwoman

Opinions are like nipples... Everyone's got them.

Ignore people hating on you for wanting to better yourself. Jealousy will get them no where.

phoenixgirl81

To the OP (Elle),

Sorry your experience here on mfp wasn't the greatest start. I hope you've got some support(ive) people, now.

I just wanted to give you some insight into what happens when you start off 70+ kg (154+ lbs) overweight and you get to the point where you'd really like to lose the last 3 kg (7 lbs) for you to feel happy with your weight/fat loss before embarking on a serious scultping/lifting regime... People STILL tell you that they think you shouldn't lose any more weight and that you need help to see the reality of your body and that is they think you are going to push yourself into unhealthy territory (if they don't tell you they think you're there already). I've experienced my fair share of this crap over the last few weeks. *sigh*

Such is the nature of the beast that is weight loss. People who knew you before haven't caught up to where you are now. And people who would love to get to where you are now can't imagine not being happy with where you are. Let me tell you that a quick flash of your best "No! You did NOT just say that to me" look and an adamant "I'm SO glad you think you know mor3 than I do about what's right for me. Because how many years have you spent being me? Oh yeah...that's right" and they'll shut right up.

Do what is right and healthy for you. Keep yourself in check and reach out for help if you need.

xapril77x

i dont think you're goal is ridiculous.. i'm 5'4 and at my heaviest was 136 but i've still lost 16 pounds.

what i would say though is that i used to be a 5-6x/week cardio junkie who ate 1200 cals daily. it's taken a lot but in the last year and a half i've started eating 1800-2000 cals daily and done a ton of heavy lifting. while i still weigh the same everything else has changed: i have awesome muscles (i'm not bulky....) i'm not afraid to show off, i eat a clean, healthy, balanced diet, and i've totally changed the composition of my body. I'm sure that i was 25-30% body far before and am now 16%.

food for thought if you'd like to get into lifting and want any advice feel free to shoot over a FR! good luck!

That's awesome! Now I'm thinking about getting into lifting...

xapril77x

This is going to be both a thank you and an apology.

To start, I am sorry to anyone and everyone I may have offended when I called myself "VERY fat." Very fat as a standard for me is a whole lot different from very fat as a standard for you. When I look in the mirror, I see every imperfection that I possess, physical AND mental. When I look at all of you, I see all the wonderful things about you as a person and all the wonderful accomplishments you're making in relation to your body. I don't think you're fat or that you have a problem. The problem is only me and will always be only me.

With that said, I know I'm not overweight; however, I am not comfortable with my body. I could be, want to be, and INTEND TO BE better. In the past I've been hospitalized for a weak heart because I stopped eating. I would fast for three days, eat 300-400 calories, and do it again... but that ISN'T what I'm doing this time. I'm doing what's right for my body.

To finish up...

Thank you to everyone who expressed concern, even if I felt that it was in a hurtful manner. I know that I may have touched a nerve as weight loss can be a scary thing if not done properly.

In the end, though, I'm not sorry to the person who messaged me saying she felt insulted by my goals. It isn't my fault that you have more to lose than I do, and I shouldn't be any less open because of it. There's always someone who's better off than you are; there's always someone who's worse off than you are. If you worry about other people's goals, you won't be able to achieve your own. All I can do is support the friends I make here- whether they have more or less to lose than I do.

If I want to be successful, I can't worry about what everyone thinks about my body. I felt very discouraged after my first post and after some of the PMs that followed. In fact, I almost switched to Lose It in hopes of finding more supportive people... before I realized that I can't please everyone.

So thank you and I'm sorry.
-Elle

I also landed in the hospital for a weak heart & didn't really relate it to the way I was (was not) eating... Now I can see that it was probably my problem. I used 2 only eat 1 meal a day & I just didn't even feel hungry when I did eat that meal so I'd just nibble at it. I'm hoping my heart can recover from the damage I've done. & as long as you're trying to be healthy don't worry about what every1 has 2 say. Hang in there & stay healthy!

victoriavoodoo

Don't let anyone bother you; anyone can want to lose weight and there is nothing wrong with it if they are doing it healthily. I've had similar reactions from people on here(I'm at 150 trying to get to 125) and I think some people with more to lose don't take us with less to lose as seriously. Like it isn't as important when you're this close to goal, but I don't think that's fair or their business.

If you're following a healthy plan(which you appear to be) and have a healthy goal in mind(yours sounds fine) then they have no reason to be rude so ignore it. =]

TheRealParisLove

My answer now is "I can't eat/drink that, I'm on a training program." No one ever argues with someone who is attempting to gain athletic prowess through diet and exercise.

AglaeaC

Hi, I don't have much to add but this quote by Eleanor Roosevelt:
“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”
Switch inferior for whatever is suitable. Good luck.