Ideal Number
KosmosKitten
Posts: 10,476 Member
in Chit-Chat
So there have been a few studies/surveys on this and I'm sure most are kinda inconclusive based on the fact that people tend to lie or omit the truth. However, I was curious based on other threads floating on here:
For myself? I have no magic number. I don't care how many people you've been with in the past, although I might be curious about your previous relationships from a "getting to know you" perspective. I also wouldn't really care about that number and if it exceeded my own. If I had an interest in that person, that interest is happening regardless of who they banged in the past, so...
I'll share my number later on when I get some responses and feedback to my questions.
- What is the preferred threshold of previous partners that a person has?
- How do you perceive people who exceed this "magical" number?
- Why do you perceive them that way?
- Would you consider sleeping with someone if they had a higher number of partners than your preferred number?
- Do you think women or men are judged more harshly based on these numbers? (in this day and age, that is)?
- If you don't mind sharing, what is *your* number of previous partners?
For myself? I have no magic number. I don't care how many people you've been with in the past, although I might be curious about your previous relationships from a "getting to know you" perspective. I also wouldn't really care about that number and if it exceeded my own. If I had an interest in that person, that interest is happening regardless of who they banged in the past, so...
I'll share my number later on when I get some responses and feedback to my questions.
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Replies
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I have had one but the number of women
who have wanted me probably numbers in the thousands.
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I plead the fifth.1
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Ohhh I so wanna answer this but... nah.3
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idgaf. i mean that. i like what you said in a previous post about disease, babies, & drama. So long as he hasn’t procreated all over the place and can pass an sti screen and isn’t weird about sex, then the number doesn’t matter. unless his number is zero and he’s my age because i don’t have the wherewithal to unpack the whys of that.
i don’t share my number because yes, people judge.5 -
some of those questions and their answers "matter" more or less depending on if you're looking for a partner, or just someone.
i do figure most women are judged harsher about it. most guys it's a good thing the more girls you get. fact is i don't even think most women would like you as a guy either, if they thought you weren't any good at getting women.
personally I'm saving it for marriage.6 -
I don't ask because it doesn't matter, all I care is that I am the only partner during the relationship.
I resist telling because I don't think it should matter to anyone else. (I've only been asked once) If it mattered, I think I'd rethink that person as a partner. Seriously. I'm 55, am I supposed to have been celibate all these years?1 -
I don’t think there is a magical number and I personally don’t care how many people someone’s slept with if they are safe and clean. I’ve never been bothered to ask someone this either, if I knew it was because they shared on their own accord. I slept with someone in university who I later found out has slept with a shockingly large number women. Again, I knew him well, I knew he was safe, I knew at the time he was only sleeping with me and I knew when school was done he would move back home and we’d end our.....arrangement? Maybe not the best choice of word. Anywho, so I continued to enjoy the time we had together until we eventually graduated. Yes I do think women are judged more harshly, I don’t understand why. Overall it’s hypocritical and ridiculous in my opinion. Men are applauded and women are looked down upon. But people seem to be opening up their minds more and more everyday and progress is progress.6
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your_future_ex_wife wrote: »idgaf. i mean that. i like what you said in a previous post about disease, babies, & drama. So long as he hasn’t procreated all over the place and can pass an sti screen and isn’t weird about sex, then the number doesn’t matter. unless his number is zero and he’s my age because i don’t have the wherewithal to unpack the whys of that.
i don’t share my number because yes, people judge.
Okay, knowing that.. would you judge a person if you found out that the number was higher than expected? Or still not care?0 -
tinkerhellraiser wrote: »20
Any particular reason for that number?0 -
I don't ask because it doesn't matter, all I care is that I am the only partner during the relationship.
I resist telling because I don't think it should matter to anyone else. (I've only been asked once) If it mattered, I think I'd rethink that person as a partner. Seriously. I'm 55, am I supposed to have been celibate all these years?
Okay, but what if a partner asked you these questions? Would you tell them or would you still omit doing so? Some people are just curious and don't actually judge you based on the number of sexual partners you've had, some do.. how do you determine which will and which won't?0 -
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CanesGalactica wrote: »your_future_ex_wife wrote: »idgaf. i mean that. i like what you said in a previous post about disease, babies, & drama. So long as he hasn’t procreated all over the place and can pass an sti screen and isn’t weird about sex, then the number doesn’t matter. unless his number is zero and he’s my age because i don’t have the wherewithal to unpack the whys of that.
i don’t share my number because yes, people judge.
Okay, knowing that.. would you judge a person if you found out that the number was higher than expected? Or still not care?
if the person was a friend i care about or a potential partner
i’d care only if i thought it was a symptom of something. in that case it would have to be one of several “symptoms” in order for it to mean anything. Like if i thought he might be medicating with sex instead of with food like a normal person. or if he had an addiction.
even then it wouldn’t be a moral judgement and it wouldn’t be a dealbreaker
eta: the number would have to be magic johnson high in order to shock me
etaeta: shock is the wrong word1 -
your_future_ex_wife wrote: »CanesGalactica wrote: »your_future_ex_wife wrote: »idgaf. i mean that. i like what you said in a previous post about disease, babies, & drama. So long as he hasn’t procreated all over the place and can pass an sti screen and isn’t weird about sex, then the number doesn’t matter. unless his number is zero and he’s my age because i don’t have the wherewithal to unpack the whys of that.
i don’t share my number because yes, people judge.
Okay, knowing that.. would you judge a person if you found out that the number was higher than expected? Or still not care?
if the person was a friend i care about or a potential partner
i’d care only if i thought it was a symptom of something. in that case it would have to be one of several “symptoms” in order for it to mean anything. Like if i thought he might be medicating with sex instead of with food like a normal person. or if he had an addiction.
even then it wouldn’t be a moral judgement and it wouldn’t be a dealbreaker
That's fair. Sounds more like concern than judgment.
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your_future_ex_wife wrote: »idgaf. i mean that. i like what you said in a previous post about disease, babies, & drama. So long as he hasn’t procreated all over the place and can pass an sti screen and isn’t weird about sex, then the number doesn’t matter. unless his number is zero and he’s my age because i don’t have the wherewithal to unpack the whys of that.
i don’t share my number because yes, people judge.
I was with you right up until ‘weird ‘ .2 -
Motorsheen wrote: »your_future_ex_wife wrote: »idgaf. i mean that. i like what you said in a previous post about disease, babies, & drama. So long as he hasn’t procreated all over the place and can pass an sti screen and isn’t weird about sex, then the number doesn’t matter. unless his number is zero and he’s my age because i don’t have the wherewithal to unpack the whys of that.
i don’t share my number because yes, people judge.
I was with you right up until ‘weird ‘ .
there’s weird and then there’s weird3 -
I don’t really care as long as he’s honest and faithful. There is a good chance my number is less than his number.
I stopped caring about this kind of thing past age 25 ish.1 -
I don’t really care as long as he’s honest and faithful. There is a good chance my number is less than his number.
I stopped caring about this kind of thing past age 25 ish.
You'd be surprised how many people my age and older give a damn about this and judge people harshly based on a number.
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your_future_ex_wife wrote: »Motorsheen wrote: »your_future_ex_wife wrote: »idgaf. i mean that. i like what you said in a previous post about disease, babies, & drama. So long as he hasn’t procreated all over the place and can pass an sti screen and isn’t weird about sex, then the number doesn’t matter. unless his number is zero and he’s my age because i don’t have the wherewithal to unpack the whys of that.
i don’t share my number because yes, people judge.
I was with you right up until ‘weird ‘ .
there’s weird and then there’s weird
Phew.... thankfully, there's just a lowercase 'w' in weird.
When the going get's weird, the weird get..... well, more weird.1 -
CanesGalactica wrote: »I don't ask because it doesn't matter, all I care is that I am the only partner during the relationship.
I resist telling because I don't think it should matter to anyone else. (I've only been asked once) If it mattered, I think I'd rethink that person as a partner. Seriously. I'm 55, am I supposed to have been celibate all these years?
Okay, but what if a partner asked you these questions? Would you tell them or would you still omit doing so? Some people are just curious and don't actually judge you based on the number of sexual partners you've had, some do.. how do you determine which will and which won't?
I'd want to know why they are asking... what meaning is the answer going to have for them? I don't think anyone is going to ask a woman my age for a number without having some level of preconceived judgement about what an "acceptable" answer is. The harder they push it, the more negative judgement is going to be attached to a number above their magic threshold. If it's just idle curiosity they're going to let it drop.
I've heard a lot of men say that you need to double the number that a woman tells you because women all lie about their history. I guess I'd need to halve mine if it's going to be mentally adjusted anyway.0 -
CanesGalactica wrote: »I don’t really care as long as he’s honest and faithful. There is a good chance my number is less than his number.
I stopped caring about this kind of thing past age 25 ish.
You'd be surprised how many people my age and older give a damn about this and judge people harshly based on a number.
Oh I know this is true. My dad once told me that no good man would want me if I had been with more than 1 or 2 men in my life.
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A man is whatever room he is in. Going a little old school Mad Men there but like that saying. When I was younger and dumber I got a voyeuristic thrill about asking.1
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CanesGalactica wrote: »I don't ask because it doesn't matter, all I care is that I am the only partner during the relationship.
I resist telling because I don't think it should matter to anyone else. (I've only been asked once) If it mattered, I think I'd rethink that person as a partner. Seriously. I'm 55, am I supposed to have been celibate all these years?
Okay, but what if a partner asked you these questions? Would you tell them or would you still omit doing so? Some people are just curious and don't actually judge you based on the number of sexual partners you've had, some do.. how do you determine which will and which won't?
I'd want to know why they are asking... what meaning is the answer going to have for them? I don't think anyone is going to ask a woman my age for a number without having some level of preconceived judgement about what an "acceptable" answer is. The harder they push it, the more negative judgement is going to be attached to a number above their magic threshold. If it's just idle curiosity they're going to let it drop.
I've heard a lot of men say that you need to double the number that a woman tells you because women all lie about their history. I guess I'd need to halve mine if it's going to be mentally adjusted anyway.
I believe a lot of people ask simply because they are curious. I wouldn't care about the number of partners, but I would want to know about their previous partners (if they were willing to tell me) because I am naturally curious and it helps inform me about the person I'm getting close to.
Also, I love to hear stories.0 -
CanesGalactica wrote: »I don’t really care as long as he’s honest and faithful. There is a good chance my number is less than his number.
I stopped caring about this kind of thing past age 25 ish.
You'd be surprised how many people my age and older give a damn about this and judge people harshly based on a number.
Oh I know this is true. My dad once told me that no good man would want me if I had been with more than 1 or 2 men in my life.
Pfffft, then I am certifiably screwed by his standards. :laugh:2 -
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CanesGalactica wrote: »
Exists.0 -
The more pertinent question is not about the number of partners, but about when the partner's last HIV and Hep C tests were and what were the results?0
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