Ideal Number
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My number is ridiculously high, and its not a good thing. I would think after a certain number that it should be a warning sign there may be an issue with that person that might not make them the best partner outside of a fling. I dont think its a bad thing to ask, i think how one reacts to the answer that can be bad. I dont think its wrong to not care either, especially if you are just being casual about a relationship. But if the number in the last 6 months is higher than digits on hands and toes, you may want to reconsider going all in.........
That’s an interesting way of looking at it - within the last six months rather than all time. That might be more valuable information for people looking for commitment. or not. idk3 -
Warning: Straight Blunt Honesty
I personally find less experienced men more eager to learn what I like, how I like it, and eager to please!
So, I'm a hypocrite. I like my bfs and flings to have lower numbers (usually less than ten). It's not a deal breaker if they have high numbers; there's no magical number.
Women are judged way harsher.
My numbers: stopped counting. I believe my husband of 15 years was around number 76.
Hubby asked after years of marriage. I tried to write out a list, but couldn't remember every one nightstand I'd had in the late 80s/early 90s... Didn't help I had been drinker/drugs/night club party girl... (Blackouts--waking in beds with strangers or guy friends). Quit drinking and drugs for this reason, wanted to remember encounters.
Since hubby's death 10 years ago, I've been with 8 more. (4 relationships, two flings, two one night stands).
I've loved sex, but for the most part dislike relationships. And if that makes me a **kitten** or a former **kitten** so be it. I have very few regrets when it comes to my sexual history.
7 -
I've never asked, though I do like to hear stories if they're volunteered. I'd only be concerned if somebody's "number" seemed like waaaaaayyyy more than anything I'd heard of, like they musta been having daily one night stands since early adulthood. And that's just cuz it'd suggest a personality/compatibility issue for me, not cuz I have a morality take on it.
Honestly, I am reticent to believe anyone who states their number is over 30. Seems more like bragging at that point. Also, the few people I knew who exceeded that number simply stated they lost count after about 25, so...0 -
ArmyVeteranM1A1C wrote: »CanesGalactica wrote: »So there have been a few studies/surveys on this and I'm sure most are kinda inconclusive based on the fact that people tend to lie or omit the truth. However, I was curious based on other threads floating on here:
- What is the preferred threshold of previous partners that a person has?
- How do you perceive people who exceed this "magical" number?
- Why do you perceive them that way?
- Would you consider sleeping with someone if they had a higher number of partners than your preferred number?
- Do you think women or men are judged more harshly based on these numbers? (in this day and age, that is)?
- If you don't mind sharing, what is *your* number of previous partners?
For myself? I have no magic number. I don't care how many people you've been with in the past, although I might be curious about your previous relationships from a "getting to know you" perspective. I also wouldn't really care about that number and if it exceeded my own. If I had an interest in that person, that interest is happening regardless of who they banged in the past, so...
I'll share my number later on when I get some responses and feedback to my questions.
Another unexpectedly interesting thought provoking thread
So I’ll jump in here
Bullet by bullet
• I have no threshold for previous partners and will not ask, don’t really care, have never asked but in my experience many woman like to know and tell in a relationship
• I have no number to exceed, but if a woman constantly commented on a long list of sexual partners I would be curious about the circumstances.
Was she promiscuous at one point and not now, still promiscuous, a virgin then promiscuous, living a certain lifestyle, just really liked/likes sex and a variety of partners, simply a nympho; too many variables to have a threshold and not having a threshold does not mean not having standards, I don’t judge based on the amount of times a woman has had sexual partners, but experience does matter
More important to me is if I am her only partner now and what to expect going forward
• I do not make any perceptions
• I would consider having sex with a woman that had more partners than me, but it would have much more to do with the woman than the number
• Woman are judged far more harshly in most societies/cultures
Quick comment before last answer, there are many factors that effect this number I believe; age, when virginity lost, maturity, lifestyle, status, values, beliefs, culture, society, peers, upbringing, sexual appetite, types of sexual acts, personality, ego, confidence or lack of, is number only opposite sex or same sex or both, etc which influence both the perception of the number as well as the number itself
• My number, I honestly do not know, it would be an estimate at best, I never counted
From 14 to 35 as a “wild” single young man, with 12 years in Army, 3 in S Korea and 2 in Germany and many willing young ladies around every military post, I am easily well into 3 digits, a large portion “pay by the hour” in Korea (not much else to do there but that and drink when not training)
Always safe sex and tested regularly by the Army
1 for the past 20 years
TMI @CanesGalactica ?
Nope, not at all! Very insightful, thank you.
I've never been in a "pay" situation, so that offers a whole new thread topic at some point since that really piques my interest.
And just so I keep my promise of revealing my own (because I DGAF what people think of me), the number is 14. That includes male and female partners. If people judge me because I enjoy sex and being with people, then so be it.
Compared to more experienced people and those who were sexually active before 18, I don't think my number's all that high.. but according to some people, anymore than 2 for a woman is high. :laugh: People crack me up.3 -
I'm not going to put my number here as people really do judge women harshly on it. My ex partner was fixated on this and couldn't stand that my number matched his and tried to make me feel dirty... hypocritical no?
As many other have said already, I don't really care about how many people a person has slept with so long as they aren't riddled with disease or have loads of illegitimate kids.
Just ugh. That sounds like more of insecurity on your ex than anything relating to you.
But I get ya. Not pressuring anyone to share if they don't want to. 0 -
My number is ridiculously high, and its not a good thing. I would think after a certain number that it should be a warning sign there may be an issue with that person that might not make them the best partner outside of a fling. I dont think its a bad thing to ask, i think how one reacts to the answer that can be bad. I dont think its wrong to not care either, especially if you are just being casual about a relationship. But if the number in the last 6 months is higher than digits on hands and toes, you may want to reconsider going all in.........
See, I don't see it as a good or bad thing. It's just a number and tells me a little about your past, but not much. You could just enjoy sex, could be promiscuous, could have unresolved issues you never were able to work through, literally ANYTHING. I can't make an accurate judgment about a person based on a number of partners (I will probably never meet) from their past.1 -
Emmapatterson1729 wrote: »Warning: Straight Blunt Honesty
I personally find less experienced men more eager to learn what I like, how I like it, and eager to please!
So, I'm a hypocrite. I like my bfs and flings to have lower numbers (usually less than ten). It's not a deal breaker if they have high numbers; there's no magical number.
Women are judged way harsher.
My numbers: stopped counting. I believe my husband of 15 years was around number 76.
Hubby asked after years of marriage. I tried to write out a list, but couldn't remember every one nightstand I'd had in the late 80s/early 90s... Didn't help I had been drinker/drugs/night club party girl... (Blackouts--waking in beds with strangers or guy friends). Quit drinking and drugs for this reason, wanted to remember encounters.
Since hubby's death 10 years ago, I've been with 8 more. (4 relationships, two flings, two one night stands).
I've loved sex, but for the most part dislike relationships. And if that makes me a **kitten** or a former **kitten** so be it. I have very few regrets when it comes to my sexual history.
Nope, not at all. Thank you for your insight! I particularly enjoy your bolded statement as I relate.1 -
My number won the lottery- Yes I know I'm a wise *kitten* 3
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CanesGalactica wrote: »My number is ridiculously high, and its not a good thing. I would think after a certain number that it should be a warning sign there may be an issue with that person that might not make them the best partner outside of a fling. I dont think its a bad thing to ask, i think how one reacts to the answer that can be bad. I dont think its wrong to not care either, especially if you are just being casual about a relationship. But if the number in the last 6 months is higher than digits on hands and toes, you may want to reconsider going all in.........
See, I don't see it as a good or bad thing. It's just a number and tells me a little about your past, but not much. You could just enjoy sex, could be promiscuous, could have unresolved issues you never were able to work through, literally ANYTHING. I can't make an accurate judgment about a person based on a number of partners (I will probably never meet) from their past.
I dont see it as a good or bad thing either. But I believe in general many have such hang ups about sex, or talking about it that they either put too much meaning on it or not enough. Its like those people that say, "i dont see race".....really? Well you damn well should. Im Hispanic and id be just as offended if after meeting me that they refused to acknowledge that, as if after meeting me they were prejudiced towards me for it.
A persons sex life if they choose to share it with you may not tell you all you need to know anout someone, but it is one facet of a personality and does mean something. Doesnt make it bad, doesnt make it good, to each their own, but its still a glimpse into ones personality. Just like if say someone doesnt care about their diet or workout, they may not be into fitness....doesnt make it bad, doesnt make it good, but you have a small glimpse into how they tick.if a person had sex with 8 different partners last month, im sure it would give you at least an idea the parameters of what you may expect from a relationship with this person. Once again, doesnt make it bad, doesnt make it good. Just info that can be gathered without hang ups.3 -
CanesGalactica wrote: »ArmyVeteranM1A1C wrote: »CanesGalactica wrote: »So there have been a few studies/surveys on this and I'm sure most are kinda inconclusive based on the fact that people tend to lie or omit the truth. However, I was curious based on other threads floating on here:
- What is the preferred threshold of previous partners that a person has?
- How do you perceive people who exceed this "magical" number?
- Why do you perceive them that way?
- Would you consider sleeping with someone if they had a higher number of partners than your preferred number?
- Do you think women or men are judged more harshly based on these numbers? (in this day and age, that is)?
- If you don't mind sharing, what is *your* number of previous partners?
For myself? I have no magic number. I don't care how many people you've been with in the past, although I might be curious about your previous relationships from a "getting to know you" perspective. I also wouldn't really care about that number and if it exceeded my own. If I had an interest in that person, that interest is happening regardless of who they banged in the past, so...
I'll share my number later on when I get some responses and feedback to my questions.
Another unexpectedly interesting thought provoking thread
So I’ll jump in here
Bullet by bullet
• I have no threshold for previous partners and will not ask, don’t really care, have never asked but in my experience many woman like to know and tell in a relationship
• I have no number to exceed, but if a woman constantly commented on a long list of sexual partners I would be curious about the circumstances.
Was she promiscuous at one point and not now, still promiscuous, a virgin then promiscuous, living a certain lifestyle, just really liked/likes sex and a variety of partners, simply a nympho; too many variables to have a threshold and not having a threshold does not mean not having standards, I don’t judge based on the amount of times a woman has had sexual partners, but experience does matter
More important to me is if I am her only partner now and what to expect going forward
• I do not make any perceptions
• I would consider having sex with a woman that had more partners than me, but it would have much more to do with the woman than the number
• Woman are judged far more harshly in most societies/cultures
Quick comment before last answer, there are many factors that effect this number I believe; age, when virginity lost, maturity, lifestyle, status, values, beliefs, culture, society, peers, upbringing, sexual appetite, types of sexual acts, personality, ego, confidence or lack of, is number only opposite sex or same sex or both, etc which influence both the perception of the number as well as the number itself
• My number, I honestly do not know, it would be an estimate at best, I never counted
From 14 to 35 as a “wild” single young man, with 12 years in Army, 3 in S Korea and 2 in Germany and many willing young ladies around every military post, I am easily well into 3 digits, a large portion “pay by the hour” in Korea (not much else to do there but that and drink when not training)
Always safe sex and tested regularly by the Army
1 for the past 20 years
TMI @CanesGalactica ?
Nope, not at all! Very insightful, thank you.
I've never been in a "pay" situation, so that offers a whole new thread topic at some point since that really piques my interest.
And just so I keep my promise of revealing my own (because I DGAF what people think of me), the number is 14. That includes male and female partners. If people judge me because I enjoy sex and being with people, then so be it.
Compared to more experienced people and those who were sexually active before 18, I don't think my number's all that high.. but according to some people, anymore than 2 for a woman is high. :laugh: People crack me up.
What I have seen and where I have been, 14 is barely getting started and a woman with 1 is no better or worse than a woman with 100 and no one has the right to judge or condemn either, it is her business.
and as far as “pay”, DongDuCheon had 87 clubs/bars with hundreds of ladies on 3 levels in about 4 blocks and at $10 - $40, once or twice a week for 3 years, different partners add up quickly
Not appropriate to get into details on open forum, but I have no problem discussing in detail in private if you want to know more, I honestly admire your craving to learn and understand, I have nothing to hide and do not mind sharing experiences.
I was including males and females as well1 -
ArmyVeteranM1A1C wrote: »CanesGalactica wrote: »ArmyVeteranM1A1C wrote: »CanesGalactica wrote: »So there have been a few studies/surveys on this and I'm sure most are kinda inconclusive based on the fact that people tend to lie or omit the truth. However, I was curious based on other threads floating on here:
- What is the preferred threshold of previous partners that a person has?
- How do you perceive people who exceed this "magical" number?
- Why do you perceive them that way?
- Would you consider sleeping with someone if they had a higher number of partners than your preferred number?
- Do you think women or men are judged more harshly based on these numbers? (in this day and age, that is)?
- If you don't mind sharing, what is *your* number of previous partners?
For myself? I have no magic number. I don't care how many people you've been with in the past, although I might be curious about your previous relationships from a "getting to know you" perspective. I also wouldn't really care about that number and if it exceeded my own. If I had an interest in that person, that interest is happening regardless of who they banged in the past, so...
I'll share my number later on when I get some responses and feedback to my questions.
Another unexpectedly interesting thought provoking thread
So I’ll jump in here
Bullet by bullet
• I have no threshold for previous partners and will not ask, don’t really care, have never asked but in my experience many woman like to know and tell in a relationship
• I have no number to exceed, but if a woman constantly commented on a long list of sexual partners I would be curious about the circumstances.
Was she promiscuous at one point and not now, still promiscuous, a virgin then promiscuous, living a certain lifestyle, just really liked/likes sex and a variety of partners, simply a nympho; too many variables to have a threshold and not having a threshold does not mean not having standards, I don’t judge based on the amount of times a woman has had sexual partners, but experience does matter
More important to me is if I am her only partner now and what to expect going forward
• I do not make any perceptions
• I would consider having sex with a woman that had more partners than me, but it would have much more to do with the woman than the number
• Woman are judged far more harshly in most societies/cultures
Quick comment before last answer, there are many factors that effect this number I believe; age, when virginity lost, maturity, lifestyle, status, values, beliefs, culture, society, peers, upbringing, sexual appetite, types of sexual acts, personality, ego, confidence or lack of, is number only opposite sex or same sex or both, etc which influence both the perception of the number as well as the number itself
• My number, I honestly do not know, it would be an estimate at best, I never counted
From 14 to 35 as a “wild” single young man, with 12 years in Army, 3 in S Korea and 2 in Germany and many willing young ladies around every military post, I am easily well into 3 digits, a large portion “pay by the hour” in Korea (not much else to do there but that and drink when not training)
Always safe sex and tested regularly by the Army
1 for the past 20 years
TMI @CanesGalactica ?
Nope, not at all! Very insightful, thank you.
I've never been in a "pay" situation, so that offers a whole new thread topic at some point since that really piques my interest.
And just so I keep my promise of revealing my own (because I DGAF what people think of me), the number is 14. That includes male and female partners. If people judge me because I enjoy sex and being with people, then so be it.
Compared to more experienced people and those who were sexually active before 18, I don't think my number's all that high.. but according to some people, anymore than 2 for a woman is high. :laugh: People crack me up.
What I have seen and where I have been, 14 is barely getting started and a woman with 1 is no better or worse than a woman with 100 and no one has the right to judge or condemn either, it is her business.
and as far as “pay”, DongDuCheon had 87 clubs/bars with hundreds of ladies on 3 levels in about 4 blocks and at $10 - $40, once or twice a week for 3 years, different partners add up quickly
Not appropriate to get into details on open forum, but I have no problem discussing in detail in private if you want to know more, I honestly admire your craving to learn and understand, I have nothing to hide and do not mind sharing experiences.
I was including males and females as well
I might do that simply because I am curious and you are willing to talk about it! Thank you.
Japan was a lot more strict about sexual activity on the streets, but was totally okay with getting wasted and passing out in the street. :laugh: Too many bad incidents involving drunken sailors and Japanese nationals, I bet.
I never thought my number was particularly high, but some I have been with seemed put off (a little) by it. Others really didn't care. Current partner doesn't care and I told him up front about it. It just seems like a strange thing (to me) to get hung up on.2 -
Emmapatterson1729 wrote: »Warning: Straight Blunt Honesty
I personally find less experienced men more eager to learn what I like, how I like it, and eager to please!
So, I'm a hypocrite. I like my bfs and flings to have lower numbers (usually less than ten). It's not a deal breaker if they have high numbers; there's no magical number.
Women are judged way harsher.
My numbers: stopped counting. I believe my husband of 15 years was around number 76.
Hubby asked after years of marriage. I tried to write out a list, but couldn't remember every one nightstand I'd had in the late 80s/early 90s... Didn't help I had been drinker/drugs/night club party girl... (Blackouts--waking in beds with strangers or guy friends). Quit drinking and drugs for this reason, wanted to remember encounters.
Since hubby's death 10 years ago, I've been with 8 more. (4 relationships, two flings, two one night stands).
I've loved sex, but for the most part dislike relationships. And if that makes me a **kitten** or a former **kitten** so be it. I have very few regrets when it comes to my sexual history.
YES - I love your honesty in just answering these questions. I also agree with you about less experienced men.
As for the number of partners a person has had, to me it depends on their age & other factors. I don't automatically think it's "weird" if a person's number is very high or very low. For me personally whether age 25 or 45 I would take pause at a man who had been with over 50 women but I definitely wouldn't think it was a dealbreaker, either, as long as he was safe & clean.
The main reason I'd question a guy's number? I'm pretty into long term monogamous relationships and if a guy had been with 50-100 women I'd wonder if he was into those too, or had different interests and priorities.
One of my best female friends has a high number (100-ish) and I don't think less of her. Another female friend's number is likely just as high. Meanwhile, the rest of my friends' numbers are like 1-3, and these are women in their forties who are not at all religious. You definitely can't "tell" by how a person behaves, IMO!
My number can be counted on the fingers of both hands (8-10 depending on how you define "sex") but I still consider it a little higher than it "should be" because of decisions made in my twenties. I don't regret it, though. I became sexually active at 18 and I've been married for 16 years if combining two marriages. I'm 42 now.
5 -
Emmapatterson1729 wrote: »Warning: Straight Blunt Honesty
I personally find less experienced men more eager to learn what I like, how I like it, and eager to please!
So, I'm a hypocrite. I like my bfs and flings to have lower numbers (usually less than ten). It's not a deal breaker if they have high numbers; there's no magical number.
Women are judged way harsher.
My numbers: stopped counting. I believe my husband of 15 years was around number 76.
Hubby asked after years of marriage. I tried to write out a list, but couldn't remember every one nightstand I'd had in the late 80s/early 90s... Didn't help I had been drinker/drugs/night club party girl... (Blackouts--waking in beds with strangers or guy friends). Quit drinking and drugs for this reason, wanted to remember encounters.
Since hubby's death 10 years ago, I've been with 8 more. (4 relationships, two flings, two one night stands).
I've loved sex, but for the most part dislike relationships. And if that makes me a **kitten** or a former **kitten** so be it. I have very few regrets when it comes to my sexual history.
i like this directness ❤️2 -
tinkerhellraiser wrote: »your_future_ex_wife wrote: »My number is ridiculously high, and its not a good thing. I would think after a certain number that it should be a warning sign there may be an issue with that person that might not make them the best partner outside of a fling. I dont think its a bad thing to ask, i think how one reacts to the answer that can be bad. I dont think its wrong to not care either, especially if you are just being casual about a relationship. But if the number in the last 6 months is higher than digits on hands and toes, you may want to reconsider going all in.........
That’s an interesting way of looking at it - within the last six months rather than all time. That might be more valuable information for people looking for commitment. or not. idk
a lot of born again virgins embrace this kinda reimagination of reality
i was thinking of that exact phrasing2 -
These number we're discussing....
Do they include second cousins ?
Distant cousins ??
And what about the Neighbor's Cat ?
Math is Hard !
1 -
Edit to add:CanesGalactica wrote: »So there have been a few studies/surveys on this and I'm sure most are kinda inconclusive based on the fact that people tend to lie or omit the truth. However, I was curious based on other threads floating on here:
I'll share my number later on when I get some responses and feedback to my questions.
What is the preferred threshold of previous partners that a person has?
None.
How do you perceive people who exceed this "magical" number?
N/A
Why do you perceive them that way?
N/A
Would you consider sleeping with someone if they had a higher number of partners than your preferred number?
N/A
Do you think women or men are judged more harshly based on these numbers? (in this day and age, that is)?
Yes and no. People within societies play judge, jury and EXECUTIONER. Creationism runs rampant in many groupings. Depending on the gossip mills, both men and women are judged and mocked for sexual indiscretions with the same brush.
If you don't mind sharing, what is *your* number of previous partners?
My brother (and male first cousins) are a members here and currently live/work in a sexually repressive country, so I shall practice caution. Having pledged to sexual abstinence in my 20 & having dealt with an overbearing helicopter betrothed ( escaped that tragedy) in my active teens ( 3 boyfriends - active with one, and did it with the virgin once), less than most, more than the closeted. 7 serious relationships before my current. I need some form of commitment before I'd even considered 'dropping my knickers.' 5 of the 7 were "wait until marriage" engagements. Height of sexual activity - two and a half years in my 30's. I am open yes, but still hold levels of traditional value systems. Most importantly, way less than my man.4 -
your_future_ex_wife wrote: »tinkerhellraiser wrote: »your_future_ex_wife wrote: »My number is ridiculously high, and its not a good thing. I would think after a certain number that it should be a warning sign there may be an issue with that person that might not make them the best partner outside of a fling. I dont think its a bad thing to ask, i think how one reacts to the answer that can be bad. I dont think its wrong to not care either, especially if you are just being casual about a relationship. But if the number in the last 6 months is higher than digits on hands and toes, you may want to reconsider going all in.........
That’s an interesting way of looking at it - within the last six months rather than all time. That might be more valuable information for people looking for commitment. or not. idk
a lot of born again virgins embrace this kinda reimagination of reality
i was thinking of that exact phrasing
@born again virgins
They delete ALL numbers. Victims of rapes also automatically receive the revirginated badge too understably.2 -
777Gemma888 wrote: »your_future_ex_wife wrote: »tinkerhellraiser wrote: »your_future_ex_wife wrote: »My number is ridiculously high, and its not a good thing. I would think after a certain number that it should be a warning sign there may be an issue with that person that might not make them the best partner outside of a fling. I dont think its a bad thing to ask, i think how one reacts to the answer that can be bad. I dont think its wrong to not care either, especially if you are just being casual about a relationship. But if the number in the last 6 months is higher than digits on hands and toes, you may want to reconsider going all in.........
That’s an interesting way of looking at it - within the last six months rather than all time. That might be more valuable information for people looking for commitment. or not. idk
a lot of born again virgins embrace this kinda reimagination of reality
i was thinking of that exact phrasing
@born again virgins
They delete ALL numbers. Victims of rapes also automatically receive the revirginated badge too understably.
2 -
Motorsheen wrote: »777Gemma888 wrote: »your_future_ex_wife wrote: »tinkerhellraiser wrote: »your_future_ex_wife wrote: »My number is ridiculously high, and its not a good thing. I would think after a certain number that it should be a warning sign there may be an issue with that person that might not make them the best partner outside of a fling. I dont think its a bad thing to ask, i think how one reacts to the answer that can be bad. I dont think its wrong to not care either, especially if you are just being casual about a relationship. But if the number in the last 6 months is higher than digits on hands and toes, you may want to reconsider going all in.........
That’s an interesting way of looking at it - within the last six months rather than all time. That might be more valuable information for people looking for commitment. or not. idk
a lot of born again virgins embrace this kinda reimagination of reality
i was thinking of that exact phrasing
@born again virgins
They delete ALL numbers. Victims of rapes also automatically receive the revirginated badge too understably.
👆Exactly1
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