Ideal Number

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1246

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  • glassyo
    glassyo Posts: 7,648 Member
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    How long do you have to go without sex before your virginity grows back?
  • 777Gemma888
    777Gemma888 Posts: 9,578 Member
    edited October 2019
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    glassyo wrote: »
    How long do you have to go without sex before your virginity grows back?

    Surgery ;)

    ETA: It's a serious procedure for women who hail from conservative cultures who may have been active in University or raped. A Hymenoplasty.
  • KosmosKitten
    KosmosKitten Posts: 10,476 Member
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    Motorsheen wrote: »
    These number we're discussing....


    Do they include second cousins ?

    Distant cousins ??

    And what about the Neighbor's Cat ?


    Math is Hard !

    It's only hard if you make it hard.
  • KosmosKitten
    KosmosKitten Posts: 10,476 Member
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    777Gemma888 wrote: »
    Edit to add:
    CanesGalactica wrote: »
    So there have been a few studies/surveys on this and I'm sure most are kinda inconclusive based on the fact that people tend to lie or omit the truth. However, I was curious based on other threads floating on here:

    I'll share my number later on when I get some responses and feedback to my questions. ;)



    What is the preferred threshold of previous partners that a person has?
    None.

    How do you perceive people who exceed this "magical" number?
    N/A

    Why do you perceive them that way?
    N/A

    Would you consider sleeping with someone if they had a higher number of partners than your preferred number?
    N/A

    Do you think women or men are judged more harshly based on these numbers? (in this day and age, that is)?
    Yes and no. People within societies play judge, jury and EXECUTIONER. Creationism runs rampant in many groupings. Depending on the gossip mills, both men and women are judged and mocked for sexual indiscretions with the same brush.

    If you don't mind sharing, what is *your* number of previous partners?
    My brother (and male first cousins) are a members here and currently live/work in a sexually repressive country, so I shall practice caution. Having pledged to sexual abstinence in my 20 & having dealt with an overbearing helicopter betrothed ( escaped that tragedy) in my active teens ( 3 boyfriends - active with one, and did it with the virgin once), less than most, more than the closeted. 7 serious relationships before my current. I need some form of commitment before I'd even considered 'dropping my knickers.' 5 of the 7 were "wait until marriage" engagements. Height of sexual activity - two and a half years in my 30's. I am open yes, but still hold levels of traditional value systems. Most importantly, way less than my man.

    Wherever it is you live fascinates me. I have yet to see you mention anywhere where that is and I won't press, but any place that isn't here or Canada is absolutely interesting to me from a cultural and sociological perspective. I love reading your posts because they are extremely insightful in a place that might be quite different than what I am used to. :)

    Thank you for sharing.
  • Emmapatterson1729
    Emmapatterson1729 Posts: 1,296 Member
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    Don't feel like going back through and hitting quote several times...but,

    I knew fear of monogamy of being with someone with higher numbers would come up... And I have to say, no bull****, when in a relationship, I am 100% faithful and loyal... Heck I didn't even flirt in here or private message with men, until two weeks ago when I broke up with last fiance of over two years (together for 3, engaged 2).

    And the bragging rights only apply to men! Men can brag, and get called studs for high numbers. As a female, I am socially programmed that I am supposed to feel ashamed or embarrassed... Been called every nasty name under the sun.

    And as far as religion and morals, I have my own beliefs. I've studied a lot into ancient Hebrew and translations/mistranslations of the original text...and My God will judge me for my sins!

  • Motorsheen
    Motorsheen Posts: 20,506 Member
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    Emmapatterson1729 wrote: »
    Don't feel like going back through and hitting quote several times...but,

    I knew fear of monogamy of being with someone with higher numbers would come up... And I have to say, no bull****, when in a relationship, I am 100% faithful and loyal... Heck I didn't even flirt in here or private message with men, until two weeks ago when I broke up with last fiance of over two years (together for 3, engaged 2).

    And the bragging rights only apply to men! Men can brag, and get called studs for high numbers. As a female, I am socially programmed that I am supposed to feel ashamed or embarrassed... Been called every nasty name under the sun.

    And as far as religion and morals, I have my own beliefs. I've studied a lot into ancient Hebrew and translations/mistranslations of the original text...and My God will judge me for my sins!

    So.... ya know.... like... after this thread, do you need a ride home ?
  • Motorsheen
    Motorsheen Posts: 20,506 Member
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    tinkerhellraiser wrote: »
    your_future_ex_wife wrote: »
    tinkerhellraiser wrote: »
    your_future_ex_wife wrote: »
    bojack5 wrote: »
    My number is ridiculously high, and its not a good thing. I would think after a certain number that it should be a warning sign there may be an issue with that person that might not make them the best partner outside of a fling. I dont think its a bad thing to ask, i think how one reacts to the answer that can be bad. I dont think its wrong to not care either, especially if you are just being casual about a relationship. But if the number in the last 6 months is higher than digits on hands and toes, you may want to reconsider going all in.........

    That’s an interesting way of looking at it - within the last six months rather than all time. That might be more valuable information for people looking for commitment. or not. idk

    a lot of born again virgins embrace this kinda reimagination of reality

    i was thinking of that exact phrasing

    nobody even said explicitly what counts anyways so

    ....so, should I count sleepovers & playdates or not ??
  • Tinydancer106
    Tinydancer106 Posts: 3,678 Member
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    MoxyLeigh wrote: »
    Tinydancer106 wrote: »
    Anywho...I think shaming and/or judging is horrendous as I've been on the receiving end with my second partner....and my first who never even asked and set the non judgement bar way high....was my first love who shared 4 yrs of my life before his untimely passing💔

    The next partner not only asked, but wanted to know details and would bring it up at times to try and make me feel ruined?!😐as freakin if!....this is not the norm and even though I foolishly stayed in a bad place with someone whose insecurities made me feel small at the time because I was young and felt raw still over all I endured....

    I don't think it would be right even if I was nearing the 3 digit realm....as long as my actions were not showing some reason for concern....cheating etc....if we were in that type of relationship then....I don't see as why one should be shamed or judged.

    You never know someone's reasons but do have the right to leave someone based on their actions, or even if that person decides to offer their own numbers and you don't feel comfy with it....you have the right to leave because it's a "you" issue which is again fine.....not a "them" issue.....don't put your judgement on it....just get out and move on.....you're not any better because your numbers are lower or fall within the normal for that category.👊

    Can you tell this is a trigger? 😐😣Lmao....I'm not saying anyone above or after said this ...it's just my still very raw feelings after all these years on this sensitive subject ....please know I'm not disrespecting anyone ...just being honest .....🤗...yup a "me" issue!

    I also blurt out my number as soon as possible just to see if it raises any red flags because one visit to crazy judgement town is all this chick needs😎

    I'm sorry you were emotionally abused by a pathetic insecure douche-canoe when you were vulnerable. I've been there. Emotional abuse is not a "you" issue, it's a *kitten* all those toxic *kittens* issue that can affect anybody. He had absolutely no right, and good for you tossing that toxic BS out the window. <3

    🤗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗 thanks girl! I appreciate that more than you know.💓🙏
    ...some *kitten* sticks and that held place for years!!! Live and learn and love the hell outta yourself...it's all one can do sometimes😉😘🤘💗
  • cwolfman13
    cwolfman13 Posts: 41,868 Member
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    I've never asked...

    As for myself, it's 10 if I leave out my time in the Marines. Those years are a bit hazy.
  • mattig89ch
    mattig89ch Posts: 2,648 Member
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    I can't imagine this coming up as a topic of conversation. But...if I had to make a judgement, I don't think I could.

    I think I might be intimidated if she had over 20 different partners, knowing I was constantly being measured against such a high number of different people. Or...at least feeling like that. Ultimately though, it wouldn't be a deal breaker for me in and of itself. As long as she's not cheating on me, *shrug*. She's had a life before me. As long as she hasn't killed anyone, or ruined anyone's life, that didn't deserve it, who am I to judge?
  • KosmosKitten
    KosmosKitten Posts: 10,476 Member
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    mattig89ch wrote: »
    I can't imagine this coming up as a topic of conversation. But...if I had to make a judgement, I don't think I could.

    I think I might be intimidated if she had over 20 different partners, knowing I was constantly being measured against such a high number of different people. Or...at least feeling like that. Ultimately though, it wouldn't be a deal breaker for me in and of itself. As long as she's not cheating on me, *shrug*. She's had a life before me. As long as she hasn't killed anyone, or ruined anyone's life, that didn't deserve it, who am I to judge?

    This exact topic has come up in every relationship I've been in. ::shrugs:: Never by me, mind you.

    Glad you have a sense of more urgent priorities than "who has she slept with?". :laugh: Definitely think murder ranks higher up on the scale.
  • ythannah
    ythannah Posts: 4,368 Member
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    ArmyVeteran makes a good point: context is everything.

    I came of age in the 70s, the time of "if it feels good do it", before AIDS and herpes came along. The worst disease you could catch was curable. Reliable birth control existed. Religious prohibitions were not a factor for me, nor did I live in a particularly religious community.

    You can't judge someone's numbers by the standards of a different culture, or era.

    Of course, men who are contemporary with me share the same background and lived the same history. Probably why none of us are interested in each other's tallies.
  • mtndewme
    mtndewme Posts: 724 Member
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    I dated a military guy who was obsessed with the numbers. His friends had more than him so he felt inadequate. I've had a few guys ask my number but we were all below the age of 25. I have a habit of oversharing my business unprovoked so anyone after who didn't ask, knows.
    My brother and his group of friends talked about wanting a very low count girl or a virgin. Why a virgin? Other than getting to say, "first!". Maybe they can be molded easier? Ultimately in their case I know it's because of a "purity" thing.
  • ythannah
    ythannah Posts: 4,368 Member
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    And my number works out to .7 men per year of sexually active life.

    Even if none took place within a committed long-term relationship (which isn't the case), less than one a year is hardly raving promiscuity.
  • Emmapatterson1729
    Emmapatterson1729 Posts: 1,296 Member
    edited October 2019
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    ythannah wrote: »
    ArmyVeteran makes a good point: context is everything.

    I came of age in the 70s, the time of "if it feels good do it", before AIDS and herpes came along. The worst disease you could catch was curable. Reliable birth control existed. Religious prohibitions were not a factor for me, nor did I live in a particularly religious community.

    You can't judge someone's numbers by the standards of a different culture, or era.

    Of course, men who are contemporary with me share the same background and lived the same history. Probably why none of us are interested in each other's tallies.

    Another good point, some probably don't remember... Even in the 80s and early 90s HIV was pretty unheard of...(and seriously no offense to anyone, but the media at the time sold it as a disease only homosexual men got); straight females (sounds crazy) had very little fear of HIV/AIDS until a lifetime movie based on a true story, starring Jennie Garth, aired I think in the mid 90s.

    I was military (USAF)... Like another commenter, that's where most of numbers came from. Over 20 men to every 1 female on base, and nothing to do in down time except drink and party. I used say the military training bases were like one giant non stop orgy!

  • ghudson92
    ghudson92 Posts: 2,061 Member
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    CanesGalactica wrote: »
    ghudson92 wrote: »
    I'm not going to put my number here as people really do judge women harshly on it. My ex partner was fixated on this and couldn't stand that my number matched his and tried to make me feel dirty... hypocritical no?
    As many other have said already, I don't really care about how many people a person has slept with so long as they aren't riddled with disease or have loads of illegitimate kids.

    Just ugh. That sounds like more of insecurity on your ex than anything relating to you.

    But I get ya. Not pressuring anyone to share if they don't want to. :)

    Yep. He was super insecure.
  • your_future_ex_wife
    your_future_ex_wife Posts: 4,278 Member
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    Emmapatterson1729 wrote: »
    ythannah wrote: »
    ArmyVeteran makes a good point: context is everything.

    I came of age in the 70s, the time of "if it feels good do it", before AIDS and herpes came along. The worst disease you could catch was curable. Reliable birth control existed. Religious prohibitions were not a factor for me, nor did I live in a particularly religious community.

    You can't judge someone's numbers by the standards of a different culture, or era.

    Of course, men who are contemporary with me share the same background and lived the same history. Probably why none of us are interested in each other's tallies.

    Another good point, some probably don't remember... Even in the 80s and early 90s HIV was pretty unheard of...(and seriously no offense to anyone, but the media at the time sold it as a disease only homosexual men got); straight females (sounds crazy) had very little fear of HIV/AIDS until a lifetime movie based on a true story, starring Jennie Garth, aired I think in the mid 90s.

    I was military (USAF)... Like another commenter, that's where most of numbers came from. Over 20 men to every 1 female on base, and nothing to do in down time except drink and party. I used say the military training bases were like one giant non stop orgy!
    that’s not how i remember it.

    i remember it in the news a lot during that time. i remember protests for funding.

    there are factors that STILL put a person at greater risk such as, multiple partners, no condoms, IV drug use, acts that cause tearing, having a partner who’s on the DL. Yes, we knew this in the early 90s.

    my mom is an RN who made home visits during throughout eighties and early nineties. She had AIDS patients when it was still a death sentence.

    and we had friends - straight, female friends who died from it.

    Maybe I was just more aware of it than average.
  • ythannah
    ythannah Posts: 4,368 Member
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    I think it depends on where you live. I remember first hearing about AIDS cases in New York maybe mid 80s? The first cases didn't appear here in Canada until some time later. And it was still spoken of as confined to gay male and IV drug populations for several years afterwards.

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