"Don't lose any more weight!"
Replies
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People say this to me all the time and I can honestly say it has never been out of concern. I've decided on a few reasons why....
1. This is their way of complementing you. They are actually really impressed with your weight loss and want you to know that you look fantastic just the way you are.
2. You're a lot smaller/skinner than you think. At 5'7 and 155 pounds, I still could lose a few pounds. However, when I looked at a photo of myself the other day I was so tall and skinny, it startled me. So I could understand why telling someone I want to lose an additional 10 pounds would be like..."whyyyyy?"
3. It's their way of acknowledging your weight loss. Believe it or not, talking about weight is very awkward for people. They want to give you praise for it, but sometimes just don't know how.
4. I usually get this compliment when I tell people how much I lost. Which makes me believe they don't understand how much 1 pound of fat looks like. When I say 101 pounds, some people could imagine a 101 pound child. That's a lot of weight and I understand when people say "you don't need to lose anymore." It's hard to comprehend. lol
I think you're reading too much into it. I usually smile and appreciate the fact that someone notices my hard work.
I agree with all of the above and I'd like to add one more:
5. Change is hard for people. The people around you are accustomed to seeing you look a certain way. A change in your appearance can be jarring. Their brain pouts, "This is not what I am used to!" If your "normal" for years has been 35% body fat and your inner circle sees you whittle it down to 25%, you do not look "normal" to them anymore. However, just like you, they will process the change and adjust to your new normal.0 -
I think I'm going to take the tack: "OK I won't if you won't gain any more either!" next time. OK not really but man would it be satisfying :laugh:
:laugh: Or you could say, "Why? Tired of gaining what I lose??" That will shut them up!0 -
I also do not understand why noone made a peep when i was at my heaviest... im 5'2 and was 204 pounds... and i WISH that someone would have shaken me and screamed "GIRL WTF, youre getting chubby!! stop it!"
Ive always been a tom-boy and never cared much about my own appearance or fashion.. but looking back at pictures of myself from 2011...holy hell! i looked TERRIBLE. And noone who claimed to love me...ever said a word.
Everyone bubbles now, on and on, about how crazy it is that i lost 30+ pounds or how good im looking... where were they when i needed a kick in the head??
Totally with you on this one!!!0 -
So today I had my first 'you haven't gone anorexic have you?'comment. FFS!!!!!!0
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I hate the doubt standards when it comes to weight! People think its fine to say things like "You could do with abit more meat on you", the reverse of that would probably be met with a right hook.
And when people refer to curvier, bigger women as 'real women'.
I used to get cast out of conversations when I worked in an office, like I was never allowed to say how much I'd eaten if I felt like a pig that day, or discuss how I was staying clear of certain foods or anything like that, just because I wasn't massive.
So long as you know you're being healthy, let it go in one ear and out the other. If it really does bother you just say you find it offensive, if they carry on after that they are clearly *kitten*!0 -
Perhaps they feel intimidated by how much you have achieved? Sometimes it takes time for other people to adjust to the changes but it shouldn't let it get to you. Be proud of your achievements and do this for you
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I got it from my mom a few times... "You look great, but you're done losing weight, right, you're not going to lose any more? Please tell me you don't want to lose any more weight."
Then we went out to eat together for a friend's birthday. I ordered my usual healthy fare and ATE ALL THE FOODS, including a portion of the so-so birthday dessert. I had pre-logged it all; I knew it was fine and I wasn't agitated over what to order. There was room for it. In addition to real food at every meal (over 100g protein a day), my diary often includes a bigass cookie, an 8-12 ounce cup of frozen yogurt, or something else splurgey.
After that dinner, I told her that's what I do: I eat, I move, I log. Offered to show her my diary here on MFP, and at some point I will sit her down at the computer and walk her through a few weeks to give her some peace of mind. Because she's my mom. She's seen me through a mild bout of boyfriend-induced anorexia; even though that was over 25 years ago, she's still entitled to worry a little and get some reassurance.
Anyone else, I just say, "Yyyyyeeeah... Tell ya what, let's go to lunch!"0 -
Apologies: I'm not going to read 7 pages of post. I just wanted to add my experience with OP:
I've struggled with this problem too. I've discussed my ideal weight and BMI with my doctor. But my mom has continually expressed concern when I've told her my target weight. I always remind her that my goals were discussed and seconded by my physician.
I even had modified my target weight to avoid the headache of explaining all of this repeatedly to my mom. But in the last week I've decided to return to my original target weight goal. It's my body and I feel it's my right to stay with the goal that I chose with the support of my doctor. My mom will just have to come round to the idea that I've weighed my decision and that the appropriate care has been given to making my goal.
By BMI, I'm actually going to be on the upper end of the "normal" range. But I *am* factoring in excess skin weight as well.0 -
I also do not understand why noone made a peep when i was at my heaviest... im 5'2 and was 204 pounds... and i WISH that someone would have shaken me and screamed "GIRL WTF, youre getting chubby!! stop it!"
Ive always been a tom-boy and never cared much about my own appearance or fashion.. but looking back at pictures of myself from 2011...holy hell! i looked TERRIBLE. And noone who claimed to love me...ever said a word.
Everyone bubbles now, on and on, about how crazy it is that i lost 30+ pounds or how good im looking... where were they when i needed a kick in the head??
I brought this up with my mum, why didn't she tell me I was so overweight, I had 50kg to lose and she said nothing, didn't she care? But she made a valid point when she asked if it really would have helped or made me feel judged and worse about myself, taking into consideration my headspace and very fragile self esteem, and yes she was right, it would have made me feel like **** and I would have binged on a bag of chips to stuff it all down a little further and not done anything about it until I was ready on my own.0 -
I have spent my whole life being thin at the end of a long line of hefty brothers and sisters. First it was 'at 20 you'll be fat' then 25, 30, 35, 40 - still waiting!! I have come to the conclusion that the current trend of blaming everything on genes has been ruined in my family by me so no one has an excuse for being couch potatoes (they really are, I am not being unfair).
It also appears to be perfectly acceptable to be told you are too thin by people you have just met too. They are then surprised that I comment honestly on their weight, not unkindly but in the same unbelievably bad mannered way they have spoken to me. This is no more acceptable than someone calling a person fatso in the middle of the street.
Sorry, turned into a small rant. :blushing:0 -
But seriously, I think "Don't lose any more weight," translates to, "Damn, you look fantastic!"
I lost 70 lb. in 6 months back in 2005. When people told me, "Don't lose anymore weight," it translated to, "You look like you're undergoing cancer treatment."0 -
People say this to me all the time and I can honestly say it has never been out of concern. I've decided on a few reasons why....
1. This is their way of complementing you. They are actually really impressed with your weight loss and want you to know that you look fantastic just the way you are.
2. You're a lot smaller/skinner than you think. At 5'7 and 155 pounds, I still could lose a few pounds. However, when I looked at a photo of myself the other day I was so tall and skinny, it startled me. So I could understand why telling someone I want to lose an additional 10 pounds would be like..."whyyyyy?"
3. It's their way of acknowledging your weight loss. Believe it or not, talking about weight is very awkward for people. They want to give you praise for it, but sometimes just don't know how.
4. I usually get this compliment when I tell people how much I lost. Which makes me believe they don't understand how much 1 pound of fat looks like. When I say 101 pounds, some people could imagine a 101 pound child. That's a lot of weight and I understand when people say "you don't need to lose anymore." It's hard to comprehend. lol
I think you're reading too much into it. I usually smile and appreciate the fact that someone notices my hard work.
^This.
I think if you are offended by it then you either 1) can't take a complement or 2) really do have body image issues.
As an anecdote, my sister has been losing weight as well, and she's petite (about 5'3) and weighs around 155. She thinks that's so high for her height and wants to lose like 15-20 more lbs at least. But I can tell you, in person, she looks absolutely skinny. She could lose maybe 5-10 lbs and be fine, but I try to tell her she looks great and shouldn't worry so much about the scale. She doesn't believe me though, and that's why when some people say "Don't lose weight" they really are a bit afraid that you have body image problems, at the very least that you have a hard time accepting how small you actually have gotten.
When my husband says "You don't need to lose any more weight" I know he means "You look perfect to me and I love you" so I don't mind when he says it - even when I know I have at least 20-30 lbs more to go. He knows this too, but just says it to make me feel good about myself. I don't see how that's a bad thing.
I know myself that it's really hard for me to judge my own looks and correct weight. Just because the BMI scale says you're ok at 120 doesn't mean you're actually ok at 120. I usually try to judge more by the size of clothes and what I see in pics more than what the scale says. Also what my doc says.0 -
OMG! Thank you for posting this! I went from 193 to currently 139 (138 is goal weight that puts me mid-weight in my healthy weight range) and Im 5'7". I have had people tell me, in all seriousness that they think I am too skinny.....my body fat percentage is still up there. Sometimes I feel they do not know where I stand weight wise. No one believed me when i would say i was 193, always thought i was lighter (all i could think is "why lie and make it higher, girls always lie and make it lighter, lol). For me, i think the drastic change in my looks freaks them out. But i feel like they do not fully appreciate the hard work i have done to get where i am not, its not like im starving myself, eating right and exercising is what i have been doing and following for 8 months now. One person even told my husband to watch me and make sure I am eating! I was like "really?" I eat all the time! They are just healthy and low cal.
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It's aggravating to me as well. I definitely know where you're coming from. I'm 5"7 and 166lbs. I'm not even to a healthy BMI yet and I get this remark all the time. I just smile and say "I'll stop when I reach my goals". You're so right!! No one EVER said stop gaining weight...lol...which would have been the time for someone to step in.0
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As long as you are still in the healthy range of BMI (to ensure that you really don't have an eating disorder) then just smile and take it as a compliment. It means you are doing great.0
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I am hearing this all the time now. I don't know if it is jealously or concern. I am 5'4 1/2", 127 pounds and have a very small frame. I am 60 years old and feel great.0
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I get called skinny a lot now.. I mean.. I have lost weight.. but i'm not skinny. i'm still in the category of overweight. I have been told I don't need to lose anymore.. and honestly right now i'm just glad to me maintaining. I'm so stressed and stretched thin that I can't focus on weight loss. i'm just trying to eat healthy and keep it in check. Once the dust of starting high school and moving has settled i'll be in a better place (and a better kitchen!!) and can resume kicking my own butt to lose weight. I have learned not to bother listening to others who make comments like they. Most time they are overweight themselves and don't really understand the concept of healthy weight or healthy eating. Although they mean well. Plus sometimes people get so accustomed to you beinga certain size then when you lose weight.. especially 50+ pounds you really do look really skinny to them.0
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I encounter this often still. Depending on the person, they attribute weight loss as being a symptom of something wrong, rather than something right. Such as my grandmother who comes from a time when "skinny" was used for people whom are now considered "overweight". Others I know make the comment mainly as a self-confidence issue in themselves. It used to be annoying but after a while of hearing it from the same people, I guess the thick-skin grew and I no longer get bothered by it.0
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So, today my 20-something son cautioned me not to eat frozen yogurt every day and gain that weight back.
My mom thinks I'm starving myself, and my son thinks I'm bingeing. :laugh:0 -
i think they are jealous of you,, some people want u to lose weight even if u are skinny to look ugly and unhealthy,, and some people even if u are fat or overweight and want u to gain weight,, to look ugly and unhealthy,,
just listen to the right and positive people and ask some advice to the professional nurse,doctor,personal instructor or nutritionist.
hope this helps,,0 -
Ugh this is so frustrating I know! I get tired of hearing "you are wasting away!" I want to say "no I'm not" and flex a bicep, but I don't want to be that person so I hold my tongue and say I'm healthy and fit but thanks for your concern.0
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I also do not understand why noone made a peep when i was at my heaviest... im 5'2 and was 204 pounds... and i WISH that someone would have shaken me and screamed "GIRL WTF, youre getting chubby!! stop it!"
Everyone bubbles now, on and on, about how crazy it is that i lost 30+ pounds or how good im looking... where were they when i needed a kick in the head??
YES!!! I too wonder why no one pulled me aside when I was continually gaining, but now I'm at a normal weight some people think that can say whatever they feel!0 -
my husband doesn't want me to go below 150, but I don't care. if I ever get to 150, im gonna keep going0
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I wonder if I should feel insulted that no one has said this to me. :ohwell:
But seriously, I think "Don't lose any more weight," translates to, "Damn, you look fantastic!"
Would you rather hear, "Yeah, you have a lot more to go?"
This0 -
I heard this again today from someone I haven't seen in a while. Ironic bit is she's lost a bit of weight, too.
I didn't bother saying the same to her!
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I KNOW! Someone just said that to me the other day. It was a little uncomfortable, but I think she meant well. I usually say "I'm where I should now be for my height, so I wasn't planning to" Sometimes I tell them my actual height and weight and tell them that's where I should be. I also hear alot that I look like I've lost more than 12 pounds. I don't know if that's because I'm short or what. Yesterday someone said "No, you've lost 15 or 20 pounds", as if I was lying! I'm a nurse and sometimes I think people react that way because they want reassurance that you aren't ill.0
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I got a similar comment from my brother and mother... when I told them my goal weight, they told me that I was going to make myself sick if I'd get to my goal weight... I'm only trying to get to a healthy BMI and leave a bit of room for fluctuations.
Of course, this was coming from my brother, who is pushing 300 pounds so I take his advise with a grain of salt.0 -
I've heard this and its close relative "Wow, you dropped a ton!" I've never fluctuated more than 20 pounds at a time, so I don't consider that a "ton". Makes me wonder if I really looked huge before and never realized it.0
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I've heard this and its close relative "Wow, you dropped a ton!" I've never fluctuated more than 20 pounds at a time, so I don't consider that a "ton". Makes me wonder if I really looked huge before and never realized it.
This!0 -
People don't know what a healthy weight is anymore because they are conditioned to see the overweight and lightly obese as the standard body type. It's understandable because over 60% of the public is considered to be over an ideal weight range.
A couple of people said that I was too skinny at 100 pounds. I was skinny, I admit that. I had lost over 50 pounds and could not put on much muscle while eating at a deficit. But I could squat 140% of my body weight, and nobody said that I was too thin when they saw me lifting.0
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