Guys/Girls: What is your real opinion on..
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twitchandshout wrote: »Kashmir_314_ wrote: »Ladies and gentlemen -
A coworker was recently blindsided by this and I'd love to know people's thoughts. Maybe even personal experiences.
Open marriages?
My answer? There's the door.
pro
To the open marriage or the door? 🤔1 -
Kashmir_314_ wrote: »twitchandshout wrote: »Kashmir_314_ wrote: »Ladies and gentlemen -
A coworker was recently blindsided by this and I'd love to know people's thoughts. Maybe even personal experiences.
Open marriages?
My answer? There's the door.
pro
Elaborate...
It works very well for some people. The most important thing is honesty and communication. Respecting each other’s needs.
I get really pissy when people equate ethical non-monogamy with cheating. Everyone gets to define their own relationships with the consent and agreement of their partners.9 -
twitchandshout wrote: »Kashmir_314_ wrote: »twitchandshout wrote: »Kashmir_314_ wrote: »Ladies and gentlemen -
A coworker was recently blindsided by this and I'd love to know people's thoughts. Maybe even personal experiences.
Open marriages?
My answer? There's the door.
pro
Elaborate...
It works very well for some people. The most important thing is honesty and communication. Respecting each other’s needs.
I get really pissy when people equate ethical non-monogamy with cheating. Everyone gets to define their own relationships with the consent and agreement of their partners.
Will you marry me? 😏2 -
3
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kinetixtrainer2 wrote: »twitchandshout wrote: »Kashmir_314_ wrote: »twitchandshout wrote: »Kashmir_314_ wrote: »Ladies and gentlemen -
A coworker was recently blindsided by this and I'd love to know people's thoughts. Maybe even personal experiences.
Open marriages?
My answer? There's the door.
pro
Elaborate...
It works very well for some people. The most important thing is honesty and communication. Respecting each other’s needs.
I get really pissy when people equate ethical non-monogamy with cheating. Everyone gets to define their own relationships with the consent and agreement of their partners.
Will you marry me? 😏
Only if you’re willing to leave things open for her still.😏3 -
kinetixtrainer2 wrote: »twitchandshout wrote: »Kashmir_314_ wrote: »twitchandshout wrote: »Kashmir_314_ wrote: »Ladies and gentlemen -
A coworker was recently blindsided by this and I'd love to know people's thoughts. Maybe even personal experiences.
Open marriages?
My answer? There's the door.
pro
Elaborate...
It works very well for some people. The most important thing is honesty and communication. Respecting each other’s needs.
I get really pissy when people equate ethical non-monogamy with cheating. Everyone gets to define their own relationships with the consent and agreement of their partners.
Will you marry me? 😏
Only if you’re willing to leave things open for her still.😏
Tbf, if I was ever so fortunate to catch hotcop, I might lock him up and keep him to myself. I’m a hypocrite that way4 -
eatpolerepeat wrote: »Kashmir_314_ wrote: »eatpolerepeat wrote: »Kashmir_314_ wrote: »Ladies and gentlemen -
A coworker was recently blindsided by this and I'd love to know people's thoughts. Maybe even personal experiences.
Open marriages?
My answer? There's the door.
😂
Same. I don't think this would ever work for me either.
I don't share my food 😏
That’s where I draw the line as well 😂1 -
kinetixtrainer2 wrote: »twitchandshout wrote: »Kashmir_314_ wrote: »twitchandshout wrote: »Kashmir_314_ wrote: »Ladies and gentlemen -
A coworker was recently blindsided by this and I'd love to know people's thoughts. Maybe even personal experiences.
Open marriages?
My answer? There's the door.
pro
Elaborate...
It works very well for some people. The most important thing is honesty and communication. Respecting each other’s needs.
I get really pissy when people equate ethical non-monogamy with cheating. Everyone gets to define their own relationships with the consent and agreement of their partners.
Will you marry me? 😏
Only if you’re willing to leave things open for her still.😏twitchandshout wrote: »kinetixtrainer2 wrote: »twitchandshout wrote: »Kashmir_314_ wrote: »twitchandshout wrote: »Kashmir_314_ wrote: »Ladies and gentlemen -
A coworker was recently blindsided by this and I'd love to know people's thoughts. Maybe even personal experiences.
Open marriages?
My answer? There's the door.
pro
Elaborate...
It works very well for some people. The most important thing is honesty and communication. Respecting each other’s needs.
I get really pissy when people equate ethical non-monogamy with cheating. Everyone gets to define their own relationships with the consent and agreement of their partners.
Will you marry me? 😏
Only if you’re willing to leave things open for her still.😏
Tbf, if I was ever so fortunate to catch hotcop, I might lock him up and keep him to myself. I’m a hypocrite that way
Of course! This is mfp. Y’all know the rules around here.
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twitchandshout wrote: »kinetixtrainer2 wrote: »twitchandshout wrote: »Kashmir_314_ wrote: »twitchandshout wrote: »Kashmir_314_ wrote: »Ladies and gentlemen -
A coworker was recently blindsided by this and I'd love to know people's thoughts. Maybe even personal experiences.
Open marriages?
My answer? There's the door.
pro
Elaborate...
It works very well for some people. The most important thing is honesty and communication. Respecting each other’s needs.
I get really pissy when people equate ethical non-monogamy with cheating. Everyone gets to define their own relationships with the consent and agreement of their partners.
Will you marry me? 😏
Only if you’re willing to leave things open for her still.😏
Tbf, if I was ever so fortunate to catch hotcop, I might lock him up and keep him to myself. I’m a hypocrite that way
No you keep him. It’s you I need.2 -
twitchandshout wrote: »kinetixtrainer2 wrote: »twitchandshout wrote: »Kashmir_314_ wrote: »twitchandshout wrote: »Kashmir_314_ wrote: »Ladies and gentlemen -
A coworker was recently blindsided by this and I'd love to know people's thoughts. Maybe even personal experiences.
Open marriages?
My answer? There's the door.
pro
Elaborate...
It works very well for some people. The most important thing is honesty and communication. Respecting each other’s needs.
I get really pissy when people equate ethical non-monogamy with cheating. Everyone gets to define their own relationships with the consent and agreement of their partners.
Will you marry me? 😏
Only if you’re willing to leave things open for her still.😏
Tbf, if I was ever so fortunate to catch hotcop, I might lock him up and keep him to myself. I’m a hypocrite that way
No you keep him. It’s you I need.
I like you ❤️2 -
KosmosKitten wrote: »twitchandshout wrote: »
I don't have many relationships with people I don't see in-person on a regular basis... so most of my convesating I prefer to do in person. When that's not an option, then text messaging is for quick-hit notes/messages... anything longer than that needs a keyboard and is usually email or FB messenger.
Wish I could say the same. I haven't lived in the same area (or state) with most of my friends or family in over 20 years. Sometimes, I am on a different continent, so face-to-face really isn't an option most of the time.
I am left with no choice but to text or email most people, particularly when overseas as I usually will not pay for international calling (it's insanely expensive).
But honestly, I don't have many relationships period anymore. Most of my friends either straight up abandoned our friendship because I wasn't around, wasn't available when they thought I should be or got pissed off because I didn't respond to texting or messages as "often as they thought I should".
Really, I just got tired of the *kitten* constraints other people tried to put on me because they felt there was some international standard for texting frequency. The few friends I have do not rely on texting and we never talk outside of occasional messages (say what we need to say and then move on).
Also, I'll clarify and say that when a person refers to text, I use it to mean phone texting or typing messages through FB on a computer or using a service like Discord. My default is to use a keyboard. Texting with a tiny phone takes too long and I'm not terribly fond of talking on the phone, but I'll do it when I have no other option (which is often).
I've got kids, a house, and a job. I'm not looking for more obligation/responsibility... so if that's what a "friendship" brings to the table, it won't be a friendship for long.
Similar reasons for why I don't do/like holidays. If I like you, I'll hang out with you and get you things regardless of what the calendar says. And I don't need an excuse to drink or eat or grill or whatever else. Why do I need to buy stuff for people I don't like just because they existed for another year or because some company/church/advertiser decided some date was going to be "special".
Understandable. I'm in the same boat. I just had to drop a lot of people because they expected so much that was just entirely unrealistic for anyone with responsibilities that didn't revolve around themselves. I just don't have the patience or mental fortitude to deal with it anymore.
The ones that have stuck around understood what you do and for them I am grateful.1 -
Kashmir_314_ wrote: »Ladies and gentlemen -
A coworker was recently blindsided by this and I'd love to know people's thoughts. Maybe even personal experiences.
Open marriages?
My answer? There's the door.
Depends on the people, honestly. If they are both the non-jealous/possessive types, can practice safe sex and aren't causing strife for other relationships, sure, I see no problem with it.
It's a relationship like any other; still takes a bunch of work to have it be successful.
Personally, it would not bother me if my husband asked for this. He won't, but it wouldn't bother me because I trust him, his judgement and who he'd choose to be with if it weren't me and don't really worry about him "never coming back home".
I think my large concern personally would be as a parent; if kids are involved, it's trickier because it's an unconventional relationship dynamic you would have to explain to them and it could cause turmoil as they grow. But again, that could be entirely dependent on the people involved and the personality and age of the children.
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💯KosmosKitten wrote: »Kashmir_314_ wrote: »Ladies and gentlemen -
A coworker was recently blindsided by this and I'd love to know people's thoughts. Maybe even personal experiences.
Open marriages?
My answer? There's the door.
Depends on the people, honestly. If they are both the non-jealous/possessive types, can practice safe sex and aren't causing strife for other relationships, sure, I see no problem with it.
It's a relationship like any other; still takes a bunch of work to have it be successful.
Personally, it would not bother me if my husband asked for this. He won't, but it wouldn't bother me because I trust him, his judgement and who he'd choose to be with if it weren't me and don't really worry about him "never coming back home".
I think my large concern personally would be as a parent; if kids are involved, it's trickier because it's an unconventional relationship dynamic you would have to explain to them and it could cause turmoil as they grow. But again, that could be entirely dependent on the people involved and the personality and age of the children.
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twitchandshout wrote: »
It works very well for some people. The most important thing is honesty and communication. Respecting each other’s needs.
I get really pissy when people equate ethical non-monogamy with cheating. Everyone gets to define their own relationships with the consent and agreement of their partners.
Same. I have not been been in an open relationship myself, but if trust has been established and proven, there's open and honest communication and a deep, dirty discussion about boundaries... I'm in. I've been involved in open relationship in an ancillary role and those relationships are the type that should be aspirational. Opening up is a really great example of proper management through outsourcing when needs can't be met.2 -
Kashmir_314_ wrote: »Ladies and gentlemen -
A coworker was recently blindsided by this and I'd love to know people's thoughts. Maybe even personal experiences.
Open marriages?
My answer? There's the door.
Who am I to judge what works for other people; It's none of my business.5 -
Kashmir_314_ wrote: »Ladies and gentlemen -
A coworker was recently blindsided by this and I'd love to know people's thoughts. Maybe even personal experiences.
Open marriages?
My answer? There's the door.
From just my own observations, i have never seen it work for long. But my anecdotal evidence by no means a study that shows its good or bad. For me, it has just swayed my opinion that sooner or later its going to lean to far in a direction that changes or ends the marriage. People will give evidence and examples on how it works for them or they know somebody it works for....so be it, im not gonna argue the point. To each their own i guess. But i do say it would take a couple of very secure and strong people with very few sexual hang ups to make it work. You know anybody like that? Most dont.3 -
It seems like open marriage could work if that was the plan from the start with well defined boundaries. I suppose in a more traditional marriage it's better if your spouse proposes the idea of an open marriage rather than cheating and lying. Not optimal, but better than just cutting you out of the decision.
I don't think I could do it unless the marriage were purely a business relationship/friendship and not a romance.
Keep your hands off my hot dog.1 -
twitchandshout wrote: »Dear People,
How many text conversations can you carry on simultaneously and for how long? Ever mix them up?
Competently? One.
I have a really bad habit of thinking I know which conversation is at the top of the list and not double-checking to make sure I'm in the right one, and sending the wrong message to the wrong recipient.
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Kashmir_314_ wrote: »Ladies and gentlemen -
A coworker was recently blindsided by this and I'd love to know people's thoughts. Maybe even personal experiences.
Open marriages?
My answer? There's the door.
They're not for me, and I've seen them end badly WAY more times than I've seen them succeed. That goes for all open relationships, not just marriages. I think the only way it can really work and be healthy is if the couple both agrees on it being an open relationship from the start of the relationship. If everyone is happy and consenting, great. Not my cup of tea, though. I can barely tolerate one person let alone two or more.1 -
twitchandshout wrote: »Kashmir_314_ wrote: »twitchandshout wrote: »Kashmir_314_ wrote: »Ladies and gentlemen -
A coworker was recently blindsided by this and I'd love to know people's thoughts. Maybe even personal experiences.
Open marriages?
My answer? There's the door.
pro
Elaborate...
It works very well for some people. The most important thing is honesty and communication. Respecting each other’s needs.
I get really pissy when people equate ethical non-monogamy with cheating. Everyone gets to define their own relationships with the consent and agreement of their partners.
This 1000x. A relationship is no body’s business but the two that are in it. I would say if one partner was surprised and found out they were in an open relationship it wasn’t truly an open relationship. Ethical non-monogamy is a choice between two people and it will look different for each relationship. Plus there’s different kinds of non-monogamy too. I am also of the opinion thatconsent should always be enthusiastic and informed. That means telling any additional romantic relationships (whatever that may look like, causal, sexual etc) about the open status.
Communication, honesty, and respect!3
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