Spouse doesn't share fitness goals

walktalkdog
walktalkdog Posts: 102 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
This is more of a vent than seeking resolution, because I know that rarely do both partners share the same goals at the same time. Being with my spouse 24/7 because of the stay-at-home orders makes it more apparent (he is retired and I'm working from home). And I am aware that we cannot change someone who doesn't want to change.
I just feel disappointed that while I'm working hard to remain committed to my exercise and eating goals, my spouse doesn't commit to either. Fortunately, he does not try to sabotage me nor criticize me for what I do. But it does make me sad to see him with a big belly, when he never had a belly until very recently. We've both gotten older, of course, and our bodies have changed accordingly. He doesn't seem to care and just eats what he wants.
Now, during many of the earlier years of our marriage when I was bearing and raising children, I weighed more than him. And he never ever said anything about it. So, yes, I am lucky that he accepts me no matter what I weigh. And I of course love him the same, but can't help feeling disappointed that he doesn't try to join me in working out and being careful about what he eats. I have not made one comment about it, and I won't. But I just want to share with someone my honest disappointment. I haven't even mentioned this to my closest friends. It also does sometimes make me question why I'm doing what I'm doing.
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Replies

  • GetHeroFit
    GetHeroFit Posts: 27 Member
    spiriteagle99 wrote: »
    Could you go on walks together or bike rides? Maybe get a dog who needs multiple walks?

    This ^^^

    My husband also doesn't share my goals (not for wanting, but he doesn't have the motivation). He isn't actively joining me, but he goes on walks around the block with me to stretch out legs, and is trying to eat out at places that have options for me/eating worse when I'm not at home so it's not in my face.
  • Theoldguy1
    Theoldguy1 Posts: 2,496 Member
    For the OP do you want him to work out or work out with you? Most guys aren't going to be fans of dance classes, etc that many females enjoy.
  • yweight2020
    yweight2020 Posts: 591 Member
    edited August 2021
    I don't know any spouses who are on the same fitness, health or nutrition path. There maybe some, but it's rare for most of us to have the same goals at the same time.

    I would focus on my goals and encourage by example, nobody could force or encourage me to make changes. I didn't make changes until I was ready and it was because I was tired of being over weight and complaining about it, I needed bigger clothes constantly and last but not least I became ill and knew I needed to make life changes.

    I know it's hard, but push forward and hopefully sooner than later he will make necessary life style changes. 🤗🙃❤
  • SnifterPug
    SnifterPug Posts: 746 Member
    Redordeadhead wrote: »
    Theoldguy1 wrote: »
    For the OP do you want him to work out or work out with you? Most guys aren't going to be fans of dance classes, etc that many females enjoy.

    Women do plenty of other types of physical activity, we don't all like dance classes (and some men do).

    Quite so. I do boxing and lift heavy weights. Wouldn't do Zumba if you paid me.

  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 48,984 Member
    People just have to find it within themselves to do it when they feel they are ready or want to. Sometimes it takes a health scare or they get inspired from something or someone else. You just gotta keep doing you and that's really all you can do.

    A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
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  • sarah7591
    sarah7591 Posts: 415 Member
    My husband does not share my diet lifestyle either. I cringe sometime at what he eats and drinks and worry how this will effect his health. What can you do? I just accept it and am thankful I am doing what I do and stay healthy. We even cook our own meals (I am a vegetarian and he eats a lot of meat and processed meat). Who knows he may live to be 100. I just know both my parents died young and I want to be around as long as I can.
  • kshama2001
    kshama2001 Posts: 28,052 Member
    edited August 2021
    Theoldguy1 wrote: »
    Redordeadhead wrote: »
    Theoldguy1 wrote: »
    For the OP do you want him to work out or work out with you? Most guys aren't going to be fans of dance classes, etc that many females enjoy.

    Women do plenty of other types of physical activity, we don't all like dance classes (and some men do).

    If you read my original post I suggested the OP's husband may not want to do the same workout that she does. I used dance classes as an example.

    There are many women at my gym in the free weight area as well as other parts of the gym (probably close to 50/50).

    There are few if any males in the dance classes. Just my observation based on my gym and other gyms I've been in. The experiences of other may vary

    While you'd never catch me in a Zumba class, having lived in multiple states, two of them while I was a yoga teacher and working in many gyms, I share your observation about lack of male attendance in dance classes.

    I got the point you were trying to make.

    My OH and I are both active - separately. I am passionate about my hobbies, and he his.

    Oh, and I tried to get him to walk with me for years and he never would do it...until he decided he wanted to start walking the cat.

    As I said previously, not a calorie burner like a good dog walk, so I bring tools and work on the trails while they meander along.

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