How do you deal with the fear?
sofrances
Posts: 156 Member
I haven't yet reached my maintenance goal, but I'm having serious anxiety issues related to fear of putting the weight back on. Partly this is because I fear the health consequences of doing so (weight loss is not primarily about looks for me at this stage in my life, although I'll take looking better as a bonus 
). Partly because I have read lots of depressing articles about how few people keep weight off, "metabolic adaption", microbiome changes associated with obesity, and all that stuff. Also because I lost all the weight once before, but then watched it creep back on over the years until I was heavier than ever (although I was never doing proper calorie counting at that point).
How do you deal with the fear?
). Partly because I have read lots of depressing articles about how few people keep weight off, "metabolic adaption", microbiome changes associated with obesity, and all that stuff. Also because I lost all the weight once before, but then watched it creep back on over the years until I was heavier than ever (although I was never doing proper calorie counting at that point).How do you deal with the fear?
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Replies
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I haven't yet reached my maintenance goal, but I'm having serious anxiety issues related to fear of putting the weight back on. Partly this is because I fear the health consequences of doing so (weight loss is not primarily about looks for me at this stage in my life, although I'll take looking better as a bonus ). Partly because I have read lots of depressing articles about how few people keep weight off, "metabolic adaption", microbiome changes associated with obesity, and all that stuff. Also because I lost all the weight once before, but then watched it creep back on over the years until I was heavier than ever (although I was never doing proper calorie counting at that point).
How do you deal with the fear?
Most people put weight back on because they go back to old eating habits and stop exercising regularly and don't nip it in the bud when they start to see the scale creep up. The difference in losing weight and maintaining weight is a handful of calories...a couple snacks or something. I'm 7 years of maintenance more or less...I usually put on about 10 Lbs over the winter when my activity level and exercise level dips, but take it off in the spring. My eating habits are pretty much the same as when I was losing weight except I get a handful more calories. I still weigh in a couple times per week and monitor my weight...10 Lbs is my intervention point. If you're monitoring your weight and being mindful of what you're doing and exercising regularly, maintenance really isn't a big deal.13 -
No "fear" here. Worry and concern perhaps but no fear.
FWIW, it sounds like you are just making yourself crazy thinking about things that aren't in the present.
The way to deal w/this problem IMO is to focus on your goal, stick to your plan and shut out the noise Success should be self- reinforcing.
Sounds like this will be easier said than done 4u but that's the only way you will be likely to overcome your "fear."
Good luck!6 -
Suggest you stop looking for scary stories on the internet as it seems to be feeding your fear and not at all helpful.
If you eat an appropriate amount, on average and over an extended period of time you will maintain weight - simple as that (note simple and easy are two different things!).
Fear is an emotion and not really part of managing my calorie balance. You can't live your life on red alert!
Be vigilant but don't be alarmed.
Managing my weight is a logical and thoughtful process - a game of maths if you like, checks and balances.
A simple check is to set yourself a "red line" weight over which triggers action. Say 7lbs over the top of your goal weight range. As long as you take note of that red line and intervene you don't get that never ending creep upwards in weight.
I do think you should reflect on what was going through your mind before when you were aware you were gaining all your weight back and didn't intervene.
Why wasn't it important enough to you to do something about it?
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I think for me the difference of going from weight loss to maintaining is that with losing you have a goal every day (weigh less) versus just trying to stand still. Its a weird shift, but it still takes work just like weight loss does.
I hit what I though would be a goal weight (random figure I pulled out of my butt) on May 8. I started upping my calories, trying to find a balance point. Still kept losing very very slowly and decided to lower my "goal" a bit more while I am finding my new balance point. I'm probably losing about 1/2 lb a week still, mostly do to increased activity with the weather being nicer and I haven't really adjusted my calories to compensate.
I'm finding that I just need to change my goals. So instead of losing weight, my goal is to still log and track to maintain, but to try and reach some fun fitness goals with my new body, like cutting time off my 5K, or increasing my pullups and pushups, etc.
I think a lot of folks "fail" at maintenance because they don't have anything to strive for anymore so they just fall back into their old patterns. "Well, hit my goal! Good for me! I did it! Back to what I was doing..."
Find something new to shoot for when you get to maintenance. Maybe its an activity, or a trip, or wearing a new piece of clothes. Just find something to keep you focused so you don't just go back to what you had been doing before, right?7 -
Why wasn't it important enough to you to do something about it?
I didn't want to calorie count. It seemed like an unnatural way to live your life, I resented having to do it when other people didn't seem to have to (childish, but I was little more than a child) and at the time there either weren't any apps for it or I certainly didn't know about them. (I had lost the weight originally by basically starving myself on cuppa soups etc.). I spent years hoping for a way to lose and maintain weight without counting.
Now I have calorie counted for a bit, I realise that its not so bad. There's a geeky pleasure to it, even. I wish I had done it earlier, but wishing won't make it so.9 -
maybe it is good to have fear so we will be cautious. I dont know, I have the fear also but my weight is off, that is the main thing.3
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It helped that I kind of thought of the weight loss process as maintenance practice, and decided that I wouldn't do anything to lose weight that I wasn't willing to continue forever to maintain the healthy weight, other than that moderate calorie deficit (which I kept decreasing in increments as I got closer to goal, to create a gradual off-ramp into maintenance).
If you still have some weight loss left to go, think about how you can arrange your eating to be calorie appropriate, tasty, nutritious, practical, and permanently sustainable. Then, start working on learning the habits that go with that (just with a little calorie deficit, until goal arrives).
IMO, it's also important just to take responsibility for maintaining, to recognize that unless someone holds us down and forces food into our mouth, our body weight is 100% an outcome of our own choices. We have control. If we let the scale drift up, and let it keep drifting, that's a choice. Absent some very unusual medical condition, we're not going to be the blameless victim of the evil regain monster. If we regain, we chose it, implicitly or explicitly.
Successfully maintaining is just . . . not making that choice.
I've been officially in maintenance for 4+ years now, but had let my weight drift up a bit, still well inside the healthy range. (I know how that happened.
). At a certain point last fall, I decided my weight needed to start drifting down again, and it has, by half a pound a week or a bit slower, no pain or stress about it. (This is after being obese most of my adult life, like 3+ decades.)
It's important to think about your own personality and preferences, to see what habits will work for you long term.
Different people maintaining here use different methods: Keep counting, calorie bank (eat under maintenance most days to eat over on some days), eat intuitively/mindfully without counting, have a rotating pattern of standard meals that you know will result in maintaining weight without counting, exercise or don't, whatever. It has to suit you, not anyone else.
Most people use either a scale-weight range, ot the fit of specific clothes, to decide when they need to cut back for a while, and lose a bit again. I think it's useful to recognize that maintenance isn't going to be a matter of staying the exact same scale weight every day forever: Fluctuations, even minor gains/losses, still happen. As long as the down-fluctuations match up and cancel out up-fluctuations . . . that's maintaining.
Best wishes!13 -
Why wasn't it important enough to you to do something about it?
I didn't want to calorie count. It seemed like an unnatural way to live your life, I resented having to do it when other people didn't seem to have to (childish, but I was little more than a child) and at the time there either weren't any apps for it or I certainly didn't know about them. (I had lost the weight originally by basically starving myself on cuppa soups etc.). I spent years hoping for a way to lose and maintain weight without counting.
Now I have calorie counted for a bit, I realise that its not so bad. There's a geeky pleasure to it, even. I wish I had done it earlier, but wishing won't make it so.
I and many others maintain without food logging.
(Not that there is anything wrong with logging for those that either like it or feel they need it.)
But I couldn't maintain without watching my weight trend and reacting when it starts to drift beyond acceptable limits. I bumped into my upper limit during the COVID lockdown and simply started to reduce my intake a little and my weight is coming back down again. Just thoughful / mindful eating.7 -
Maybe you are giving it too much attention, could that be? I have the same issue this morning but when I saw your question--it's my own---I thought...well, she should un-invite this guest that is in her mind. Could it be more simple than we are allowing it to be? Today--just today--invite those things into your mind that work for you: is it drinking water, is it writing down what you'll eat (planning), is it going for a walk, is it trying a new food??? Then, at the end of the day evaluate IF that type of focus helped or harmed your health goals. Just a thought.4
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Why wasn't it important enough to you to do something about it?
I didn't want to calorie count. It seemed like an unnatural way to live your life, I resented having to do it when other people didn't seem to have to (childish, but I was little more than a child) and at the time there either weren't any apps for it or I certainly didn't know about them. (I had lost the weight originally by basically starving myself on cuppa soups etc.). I spent years hoping for a way to lose and maintain weight without counting.
Now I have calorie counted for a bit, I realise that its not so bad. There's a geeky pleasure to it, even. I wish I had done it earlier, but wishing won't make it so.
I and many others maintain without food logging.
(Not that there is anything wrong with logging for those that either like it or feel they need it.)
But I couldn't maintain without watching my weight trend and reacting when it starts to drift beyond acceptable limits. I bumped into my upper limit during the COVID lockdown and simply started to reduce my intake a little and my weight is coming back down again. Just thoughful / mindful eating.
Thanks @sijomial. i think calorie counting is for me for the foreseeable future, but its good to know its not the only option.0 -
I go into "full logging" mode whenever I hit goal+5lbs. The rest of the time I just try to be sensable.2
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I still log food in year 13 after my 80 pound loss. I tried not logging and that didn't work for me. It's a five minute a day task.
I still use my food scale.
I still limit my desserts.
I still walk for an hour daily.
I still try to get enough sleep, drink enough water, ignore troublesome people, stay away from the news, eat mostly whole foods, watch my macros and micros. It was for me a whole life makeover. I have no desire to go back to the fat miserable version of myself in 2007.
I don't mind. The payoff is HUGE. 23 -
I haven't yet reached my maintenance goal, but I'm having serious anxiety issues related to fear of putting the weight back on. Partly this is because I fear the health consequences of doing so (weight loss is not primarily about looks for me at this stage in my life, although I'll take looking better as a bonus ). Partly because I have read lots of depressing articles about how few people keep weight off, "metabolic adaption", microbiome changes associated with obesity, and all that stuff. Also because I lost all the weight once before, but then watched it creep back on over the years until I was heavier than ever (although I was never doing proper calorie counting at that point).
How do you deal with the fear?
Fear is only my enemy if I allow it to paralyze me or act irrationally. I am feeling the same fear but I am channeling it into further self improvement/education so that I am prepared, possibly over-prepared, when maintenance arrives. I also believe that a healthy amount of fear will keep me aware of my weight and habits. If I can maintain my awareness then weight gain is less likely to slip back into my blind spot.4 -
No "fear" here. Worry and concern perhaps but no fear.
FWIW, it sounds like you are just making yourself crazy thinking about things that aren't in the present.
The way to deal w/this problem IMO is to focus on your goal, stick to your plan and shut out the noise Success should be self- reinforcing.
Sounds like this will be easier said than done 4u but that's the only way you will be likely to overcome your "fear."
Good luck!
^^^All of this...1 -
When I joined MFP, I thought about why I had always regained in the past. Basically it came down to thinking i was 'done' once I had reached my goal. I stopped paying close attention to what I was eating, went back to old habits, and stopped weighing myself. When the weight started to pile on, I was scared to find out how much I had gained, so I didn't look. When it became obvious I had gained, I decided I didn't want to diet and would worry about it later. Only later didn't come for a few years.
This time, after losing 55 lbs. I decided that I would continue to log. I would maintain my exercise habits. And I would weigh myself often, no matter what. That worked. I've been maintaining now for several years. When I travel and don't have access to my scale and computer, I'll usually gain a few pounds, but they are easily lost when I get home again. I don't let myself gain more than 5 pounds before I do something about it. That works for me.10 -
The fear I had of dying early in life 100 lbs ago, overrides any fear or worry about gaining it back now and keeps me on the correct healthy path. I'm 55, and this past year has saved my life!13
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Why wasn't it important enough to you to do something about it?
I didn't want to calorie count. It seemed like an unnatural way to live your life, I resented having to do it when other people didn't seem to have to (childish, but I was little more than a child) and at the time there either weren't any apps for it or I certainly didn't know about them. (I had lost the weight originally by basically starving myself on cuppa soups etc.). I spent years hoping for a way to lose and maintain weight without counting.
Now I have calorie counted for a bit, I realise that its not so bad. There's a geeky pleasure to it, even. I wish I had done it earlier, but wishing won't make it so.
I and many others maintain without food logging.
(Not that there is anything wrong with logging for those that either like it or feel they need it.)
But I couldn't maintain without watching my weight trend and reacting when it starts to drift beyond acceptable limits. ]/b]I bumped into my upper limit during the COVID lockdown and simply started to reduce my intake a little and my weight is coming back down again. Just thoughful / mindful eating.
This can't be more emphasized.
I rarely manage my weight. Other than when I purposely was trying to eat as much for health reasons, I literally just skim at my weight once a month or so.
If you have the experience of unexpected weight gain or loss, take more note of your individual weight. Looking at your trend will give some people a better understanding what is happening. Once you can see you are gaining on average, can stop taking a second serving at a meal or snack. If you are trying to gain weight, you might add a late night snack or glass of milk. Usually something you can put back without eating more than intended e.g., bag of chips, chocolate.0 -
I haven't yet reached my maintenance goal, but I'm having serious anxiety issues related to fear of putting the weight back on. Partly this is because I fear the health consequences of doing so (weight loss is not primarily about looks for me at this stage in my life, although I'll take looking better as a bonus ). Partly because I have read lots of depressing articles about how few people keep weight off, "metabolic adaption", microbiome changes associated with obesity, and all that stuff. Also because I lost all the weight once before, but then watched it creep back on over the years until I was heavier than ever (although I was never doing proper calorie counting at that point).
How do you deal with the fear?
Fear is only my enemy if I allow it to paralyze me or act irrationally. I am feeling the same fear but I am channeling it into further self improvement/education so that I am prepared, possibly over-prepared, when maintenance arrives. I also believe that a healthy amount of fear will keep me aware of my weight and habits. If I can maintain my awareness then weight gain is less likely to slip back into my blind spot.
Quoting the bolded parts for truth.
Fear can be good. It keeps us from doing stupid things that could hurt or kill us, right? Also, you can't be brave without fear. Otherwise you're just an idiot running into dangerous situations with no thought or judgement. same can be said about one's health.
But irrational or debilitating fear is not good. There's that line between healthy fear of something bad that spurs one to take reasonable action and pure psychosis.1 -
cmriverside wrote: »I still log food in year 13 after my 80 pound loss. I tried not logging and that didn't work for me. It's a five minute a day task.
I still use my food scale.
I still limit my desserts.
I still walk for an hour daily.
I still try to get enough sleep, drink enough water, ignore troublesome people, stay away from the news, eat mostly whole foods, watch my macros and micros. It was for me a whole life makeover. I have no desire to go back to the fat miserable version of myself in 2007.
I don't mind. The payoff is HUGE.
I except this to be my reality when I get to maintenance. Over the last 3 years, I've finally begun to differentiate between tummy hunger and brain hunger - and brain hunger is a huge hurdle to overcome for me. I also am a horrible judge of what a sensible serving size looks like. So I know that 'mindful eating' will not work for me; trying to eat intuitively is how I got so big in the first place. I find it so easy to forget that I've eaten something, or grab a second serving without even thinking about it; the task of recording my food intake actually helps me stay aware of what I'm consuming; calorie counting for me is how I can eat mindfully, and I fully expect that I'll need to continue counting even once I hit goal in order to be able to maintain that weight and not allow myself to creep upwards again.7 -
It's not fear...but it is a realization that it will take a lifetime of monitoring and upkeep in order to maintain your weight loss.
I look at it like car maintenance. When you buy a car...you don't just change the oil once and you're done with it and think everything will always run smoothly. You don't live in constant fear of your car breaking down, but you get the oil changed, rotate the tires, get any problems checked out as they arise. It gets to be routine, but the maintenance never ends.
I don't log anymore, but I keep a rough running calorie tally in my head for the day, and I monitor my weight. If my weight goes above my acceptable range, then I tighten things up until I'm back in range. Every day, I use what I learned from logging about portion size and calorie counts to make decisions.10 -
No fear here. I have basically changed my lifestyle and am confident I can continue on the new lifestyle. Putting the weight back on is not an option. If something happens and the weight starts to creep up, clothing starts to feel too tight, I will increase my activity and readjust my eating as needed. I no longer own any of my larger clothing and will not buy anything larger than what I am wearing now.3
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I'm almost 38 and this is my second go at this. I lost 50 lbs in 2011and kept it all off until 2015 when I got divorced and gained about 15-20 back. I stayed steady there until I got pregnant in 2017 and have since had the baby and gained it ALL back, plus about 10 more lbs. I'm down about 32 lbs now.
So. I get that fear.
But....I don't know. I think sometimes science about weight gain/loss makes me more crazy than it is helpful - it IS depressing to think about how many people gain back what they've lost....for whatever reason. I try to avoid that stuff, because the bottom line is, when I do well and take care of myself, I don't gain back. If I workout like I know I'm supposed to, and eat reasonably well, I don't gain it back. Period. When I've gained back, I've done so while also knowing in the back of my mind the reason I gained it back...whether I chose to admit it or not
That being said...do I notice that my body seems to "hold" weight on where other people my age have bodies that allow them to lose more easily? sure. But also, I know that I don't always try very hard to stay healthy. that's on me, not on my metabolism or anything else...because again, if I do well, I lose weight and I can maintain it. I don't lose it as quickly, but I do lose it.
this is a mindset thing (for me). I've chosen a target weight that I know most women might cringe at...but its weight where I like how I look, I like how I feel and I like what I'm able to do. It's a weight I can maintain and not feel like I Have to eat vegetables for every meal in order to maintain it. it's a weight I can maintain long term, its a weight my body "likes". the bottom line is, the only person who decides to put candy and fries in my mouth is me. And when I do those things in excess, I gain weight. If I chose to watch tv and not work out...I gain weight. It is what it is, for whatever reason that it is. And there is not reason to be fearful of that. And as much as nobody wants to gain weight back, if you do, you do. It sucks. I know this firsthand. But if you did it once, you can do it again....now that I'm on my second go around here, I've learned some things about how and why I eat and what is sustainable for me and what is not. I did not learn that when I dropped 50 lbs in 4 months (healthily and using this program/app). I was fueled by watching those numbers drop - which is fine, and I was successful doing that, until I wasn't. and here I am, learning what will keep me successful this time. gaining back is nothing to be afraid of if you've chosen a weight loss method that is sustainable for you. It's always there o return to if you're honest with yourself about when you need to return to it.4 -
I get the desire to just wish maintenance were easy, to wish I didn’t have to count calories or exercise or make the effort I do. But I know what happens when I don’t....I know just winging it won’t work for for long, that my portions will get slightly larger...and larger...and so will I. I’ve never been obese, but not paying attention will lead to to overweight squishiness and unhappiness with the way I look.
I dropped about 30ish pounds in HS, then mostly maintained until a blip in my mid 20s (thanks, grad school stress, exams, and a “if you’re not working/studying you aren’t committed and you don’t need to be here” culture). Lost that, maintained over the past 12ish years, not including pregnancy gains/losses, then decided to lose a little more. Lockdown and winter blah found me at the top of my maintenance range, so working my way back down again.
The best thing to conquer the fear, IMO, is knowledge. I know how I got bigger (eating too much), and I know how to lose it (eat less, log food, exercise). It’s not a mysterious process in either direction—it’s a known process under my control. Whether I choose to exert that control is on me. The counting and numbers is comforting and helpful for me bc I feel in control—not hoping my new voodoo “diet trick” will work or being afraid I’ll regain for no apparent reason.7 -
I haven't yet reached my maintenance goal, but I'm having serious anxiety issues related to fear of putting the weight back on. Partly this is because I fear the health consequences of doing so (weight loss is not primarily about looks for me at this stage in my life, although I'll take looking better as a bonus ). Partly because I have read lots of depressing articles about how few people keep weight off, "metabolic adaption", microbiome changes associated with obesity, and all that stuff. Also because I lost all the weight once before, but then watched it creep back on over the years until I was heavier than ever (although I was never doing proper calorie counting at that point).
How do you deal with the fear?
I am breaking my almost 30 day no posting to respond to this. It hits home in many ways. I also used to get caught up in media reports and studies. So, I am going to address this. Order..
1. Don't trust sensational stories. Media outlets make their living selling "news". The greater the sensationalism, the greater the sales.
2. Yes, Adaptive theromogenesis is real. The RMR seems to be about an 80 calorie drop greater than what would be predicted no matter how much you lose when lean mass and fat mass are equated. The Biggest drop in energy expenditure post weight loss is in Skeletal Muscle Fuel efficiency. Basically you burn less calories when doing the same activity than someone always at your current size. Not much we can do about rmr. Maybe a higher protein level in diet. Some research on that. The other is be more active. Resistance training seems to decrease efficiency in post weight loss subjects.
3. @cwolfman13 is correct. Dietary and activity adherence are currently the best indicators of who will be successful in weight loss and maintenance. I suggest looking into the habits of the Nation Weight Control Registry. In fact, there are several people I know who are members here.
4. While the microbiome is an interesting topic, I have not seen much evidence that it plays a huge role in who maintains weight loss and who doesn't. If you are concerned with microbiome issues, eating a diet rich in plant fibers might help.
5. F#@K FEAR! Resist and Bite!
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2. Yes, Adaptive theromogenesis is real. The RMR seems to be about an 80 calorie drop greater than what would be predicted no matter how much you lose when lean mass and fat mass are equated. The Biggest drop in energy expenditure post weight loss is in Skeletal Muscle Fuel efficiency. Basically you burn less calories when doing the same activity than someone always at your current size.
I know we're not in debate, but I'd like to see your sources for that ^^
I find I eat a full 500 calories above what any of the calculators would suggest I eat at my age, height and activity level - so my N=1 results definitely argue with you!1 -
cmriverside wrote: »2. Yes, Adaptive theromogenesis is real. The RMR seems to be about an 80 calorie drop greater than what would be predicted no matter how much you lose when lean mass and fat mass are equated. The Biggest drop in energy expenditure post weight loss is in Skeletal Muscle Fuel efficiency. Basically you burn less calories when doing the same activity than someone always at your current size.
I know we're not in debate, but I'd like to see your sources for that ^^
I find I eat a full 500 calories above what any of the calculators would suggest I eat at my age, height and activity level - so my N=1 results definitely argue with you!
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4965234/ https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/12609816/
lol.... mine is 300 cals over when I track. could be errors in tracking or misjudgments in activity.....3 -
psychod787 wrote: »cmriverside wrote: »2. Yes, Adaptive theromogenesis is real. The RMR seems to be about an 80 calorie drop greater than what would be predicted no matter how much you lose when lean mass and fat mass are equated. The Biggest drop in energy expenditure post weight loss is in Skeletal Muscle Fuel efficiency. Basically you burn less calories when doing the same activity than someone always at your current size.
I know we're not in debate, but I'd like to see your sources for that ^^
I find I eat a full 500 calories above what any of the calculators would suggest I eat at my age, height and activity level - so my N=1 results definitely argue with you!
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4965234/ https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/12609816/
lol.... mine is 300 cals over when I track. could be errors in tracking or misjudgments in activity.....
Okay, well then, "Adaptive theromogenesis is real," I agree with BUT have you also read about long-term? Because AT is just a short-term adaptation in my understanding and the RMR of weight-loss subjects after a period of time goes back to the expected calorie needs for their height/weight/age/activity. It's not lowered permanently. I don't have cites for that, I just have my own experience.
The other thing that happens at the end of weight loss is hunger. A lot of hunger. That gets better and easier as hormones balance.
We've had this discussion before. It is just missing a whole lot the way you posted earlier. It's not doom-and-gloom-you'll-never-feel-satisfied-again.
I get plenty of food. I don't go hungry for long period of time during the day. It all balances out after weight loss, just not right away.2 -
Also, stop taking posting vacations. What, are your fingers tired?
5 -
cmriverside wrote: »
Okay, well then, "Adaptive theromogenesis is real," I agree with BUT have you also read about long-term? Because AT is just a short-term adaptation in my understanding and the RMR of weight-loss subjects after a period of time goes back to the expected calorie needs for their height/weight/age/activity. It's not lowered permanently. I don't have cites for that, I just have my own experience.
My experience matches your experience - had a noticable uptick in my calories needed to maintain after 2 to 3 months.3 -
Doesn't it annoy you guys that no one seems to know this stuff for sure? To my mind, the obesity crisis is the second greatest crisis facing humanity, second only to climate change (although I realise that this view may be coloured by my own personal struggles). It feels like it weird that no one knows basic things like "how long does adaptive thermogenesis last".2
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