Help!! Skinny Husband wont change to healthy meals
Replies
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Totally this!!! You are making two different meals, he's not making you! So stop, if he doesn't eat what's in front of him, he'll have to get his own meal.What is this, the 1950's? He's a big boy, if he doesn't like what you're making, tell him to make his own damn meals.0 -
What is this, the 1950's? He's a big boy, if he doesn't like what you're making, tell him to make his own damn meals.
I agree..0 -
My husband is naturally thin because of his super fast metabolism. While I would appreciate his support by having him eat healthier with me, as well as exercising with me, I am not his mother and cannot force him to do anything. Since he works hard, I will cook him the unhealthy foods he loves, as well pick up any fast food he likes on my way home from work. (Hey, dude works hard at nights while watching our children during the day, so he's allowed to eat what he likes!) I make healthy meals for myself, and it doesn't bug me that my husband isn't on board with me.0
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What is this, the 1950's? He's a big boy, if he doesn't like what you're making, tell him to make his own damn meals.
Yup yup. I mean, I can understand him not wanting to switch to rice and salad, but I make great meals with perfectly healthy ingredients that my husband (the featherweight junk eater) loves! And if he's not happy with that compromise, he needs to microwave his own heart attacks!0 -
I am very upset and I dont know what to do lately.. I am very interested in becoming healthy and losing weight, however my husband does not like "that stuff" (kinds of food)
What stuff? I can see if you're eating grated carrots and steamed chicken breast with no sauce, he'll turn up his nose. On the other hand, if he's eating fried and processed food all the time, I wouldn't want to be a blood cell fighting my way through his arteries!
I agree with the people questioning why you're cooking all his meals - it's the 21st Century, female emancipation is old news now.
But I also understand it's nice to eat together, food is social, sharing a meal is important.
I think this is one of those situations where you need to both sit down (not at a mealtime) and have a full and frank discussion, both listening to each other, and try to negotiate a way of eating that meets both your needs and tastes.0 -
Some of the "my way of the highway" responses blow my mind. Great way to have an adversarial marriage. Or no marriage.I'm not saying you have to cook 2 meals everyday. There is room for compromise on both sides. If he is not cooking for himself then he needs to eat what you give him. You could plan some meals that you can easily incorporate both of your needs. Either by making his meals healthier or you just eating smaller portions of "unhealthy" meals.
See, this is what a sane person would say.
I taught my wife to cook and did most of the cooking when we had no kids. When I cook, I would always take into her tastes into account and try to make something we both liked, for most dinners.
It's called being a decent spouse. How hard is this? Shouldn't you be kind to your spouse? I like my wife. That's why I married her. I like to make things she likes.
These days, when she cooks for our family, she likewise avoids things I absolutely hate. Now If it's something I merely don't like (say, pot roast), I have the option to choke it down or make something myself. If she suddenly went vegan started making stuff I hated every day, I'd remind her that as a rather significant contributor to this household, she should take my tastes into account.
We've never once demanded the other person cook them a separate meal.
tl;dr.
1. He doesn't have to eat stuff he doesn't hates, because you are on a diet.
2. You should take into account other people's tastes when preparing a meal for a group. Especially your SPOUSE.
3. He shouldn't and demand an entirely separate meal from you, and you shouldn't make one.0 -
Do what I do: eat smaller portions of the more caloric foods and add more veggies to your plate. Experiment with other ways of preparing foods, too; thinner crusts on pizza, baked instead of fried, etc.
Eating healthier doesn't always have to mean throwing everything out of the window. That can be overwhelming and feel like you're depriving yourself.
Also: being supportive doesn't have to mean that the person has to change their life to mirror yours. If you went back to school to change careers, would they have to do the same to be supportive? Of course not! The support comes from them being your cheerleader and a shoulder to cry on when it's needed. Same with this.
PS- cook all the meals you want. Your life, your marriage.0 -
I don't think the "tell him to cook his own dinner" thing is much to do with "emancipation"...
If they are both working the same hours or he's unemployed, then fair enough, but if she's largely at home and he works, why should he then come home and cook his own dinner as well?0 -
THIS.A. he can eat what he wants.
B. He can also cook his own damn food.
A.C.E. Certified Personal/Group FitnessTrainer
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Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition0 -
I still struggle with this constantly. However, after 20+ years of marriage, I'm finally getting it through my head that my husband and I are just way too different physically to make that work. When we were first married, I tried making "meals" but I was never taught to cook. I did an alright job, actually, but I got lazy and it gave way to fast food, restaurant food, etc. And we'd do this off and on for many years.But I also understand it's nice to eat together, food is social, sharing a meal is important.
He's almost 40, lifts like a madman three times a week, and yes, has the metabolism of a hummingbird. He needs to drink a half gallon of whole milk on his way to work and has been known to have a protein bar as a snack on the way to a restaurant. He just needs to eat all teh foodz. He's gained amazing muscle and strength the past few months doing that.
He also has this weird idea of what a meal is. Or maybe I'm the one with the weird idea. He's really the one who cooks more, but when he "cooks dinner", it's usually a cut of meat seasoned and done on the Foreman grill or maybe a deliciously marinated pork loin. Hi, thanks for the main course! Where's the rest? (apologies to agdyl; I think she's just the bee's knees, but her beautiful diet just would not work for me!) If I made that meal, there would be the same amount of meat, because we need all teh proteinz, but I'd also have baked sweet potatoes and green beans with mushroom sauce, and a small dessert. He'd take about three bites of each veggie and not touch dessert.
I've also had to get over the idea of just eat the same as him, but a smaller portion. Firstly, that wouldn't work for me, because he's the one who wants smaller portions. Therefore, he needs to eat more calorie-dense foods to maintain weight. That means I'd get *even less* food, and I would be a raging Godzilla monster of hungry and pissed off in about two meals. I also wouldn't be getting adequate nutrition. There's no way I could get enough protein eating tiny portions of steak, sausage, and ground beef. I need to be eating ground elk, chicken breast, and fish, and plenty of it!
So we've come to accept that we're Jack Sprat and his wife. He's extremely supportive of me in everything I do, which is part of why we've been married for 20+ years. He'd never want me to be cooking things for him if they didn't work for me but I found them really tempting. I fix my meals when it's time for me to eat them, and he fixes his when it's time for him to eat them. The sun still comes up every morning.0 -
Easiest thing in the world to sort out.
You carry on preparing the foods you want to eat, for you.
Leave him to it, he is a grown adult who can source and prepare the foods he wishes to eat.
Job done, no excuses from anyone for anything then, look after your own needs first, otherwise you can't take care of anyone elses even if you wanted to.0 -
What is this, the 1950's? He's a big boy, if he doesn't like what you're making, tell him to make his own damn meals.
This0 -
Easiest thing in the world to sort out.
You carry on preparing the foods you want to eat, for you.
Leave him to it, he is a grown adult who can source and prepare the foods he wishes to eat.
Job done, no excuses from anyone for anything then, look after your own needs first, otherwise you can't take care of anyone elses even if you wanted to.
And this.0 -
What is this, the 1950's? He's a big boy, if he doesn't like what you're making, tell him to make his own damn meals.
^This. This is what I do. But when he cooks you bet your *kitten* I eat it
Just smaller portions. 0 -
1. Why should he have to change to healthy meals if he doesn't want to.
2. Tell him what you will be cooking and if he doesn't want that then he can make his own.
3. He loves YOU not your size so he probably does love you as you
4. You tell him you need support, he encourages you by telling you to keep up the good work when you go to the gym0 -
Try www.skinnytaste.com its a good website with really yummy low calorie foods. I make different recipes all the time from there for my hubby and myself, and he never even knows the difference!!!!0
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Eating healthy foods goes beyond just weight. Even though he can eat whatever he wants and can stay skinny, doesn't mean he is healthy on the inside. His organs can be covered in fat and his arteries clogging. Have you tried to explain to him why it's important to eat healthy beyond just to lose weight. Show him the advantages of eating healthy for HIS body type.
IMO, it's absurd to create different meals. Financially it doesn't make sense and time-wise it doesn't make sense. You should work together to find a menu that works with you both.0 -
I love that my husband is happy with whatever I put in front of him - he's grateful he didn't have to cook himself. Perhaps you need to have a talk with your husband? Whatever you do, don't give up! This is YOUR health, not his.
This. The advice about telling him to fend for himself is kind of sad. You are married... that doesn't mean that you should stress over cooking 2 meals, but it does mean that you are in it together. Talk to him... see what he would be happy with while making it easier on you. He REALLY needs to be more understanding of your needs so if he just completely refuses to compromise, THEN you can let him figure out his own meals.
By the way, I know it's not the 50s and I also love taking care of my family, even though I work full-time. Don't let these comments get you down. 0 -
The advice about telling him to fend for himself is kind of sad. You are married...
Completely agree.0 -
I met my hubs when he was 38 and while he might be eating a bit less at 53, he eats whatever he damn well pleases & is all thin/muscles. This is a typical day for my 53 year old -- 8 eggs with veggies/cheese, 2-3 heavy buttered toast, lots of bacon, heavy whipping cream in 2-3 coffees; big homemade cinnamon roll more heavy whip coffee, 2-3 big fat venison sammies with thick bread heavy mayo/spinach, more coffee with heavy cream ; 2-3 salmon steaks, 2-3 helpings homemade heavy cream/butter mashed potatoes, asparagus, and 1/2 homemade pie with ice cream & more coffee with heavy cream. He is a carpenter & commercial fisherman but I know a lot of fat carpenters & commercial fishermen so I'm not sure where he puts it?!? We all think he must be packing a tapeworm or have some absorption issues...0
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The advice about telling him to fend for himself is kind of sad. You are married...
Completely agree.
I concur! It is becoming clearer to me as to why the divorce is so high.
For those who didn't put the time in to read all the posts: op states on page one that she was not going to stop fixing dinner for him because she enjoys cooking for him after he gets home for work. Anybody posting she should make him cook for himself are not being helpful. Read people...0 -
The advice about telling him to fend for himself is kind of sad.
I will tell you what is sad, a woman coming to a forum posting that her husband is in no way interested in the journey she feels she needs to take for her own health and wellbeing and carrying on without seemingly any care or thought to what his wife is trying to achieve.
The fact she posted here would suggest she is getting nowhere fast with her husband and she want's some new input not glib remarks that oohh well married couples are better working together... no ****, but that isn't happening here, so she needs to sort her own life out and let him worry about his.0 -
In defense of husbands who don't cook, a lot of couples have a division of labor. I do the cooking at home. My husband does plenty of other things that make my life better, things that I don't enjoy doing nearly as much as I enjoy cooking, horrible things like fixing the roof. My husband isn't on a diet, and even if he was, his caloric requirements are almost double what I need. Therefore, I cook healthy food that both of us like, which is not diet food, and I keep track of how much I eat. If he wants to eat something that I can't have, because I'm gluten intolerant, it's usually something like chinese food or pizza, and he's welcome to have it, and I'll have a gluten free grilled cheese sandwich or something easy.0
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The advice about telling him to fend for himself is kind of sad.
I will tell you what is sad, a woman coming to a forum posting that her husband is in no way interested in the journey she feels she needs to take for her own health and wellbeing and carrying on without seemingly any care or thought to what his wife is trying to achieve.
The fact she posted here would suggest she is getting nowhere fast with her husband and she want's some new input not glib remarks that oohh well married couples are better working together... no ****, but that isn't happening here, so she needs to sort her own life out and let him worry about his.
Valid points made, but I think that by saying he should fend for himself, is taking an easy way out of solving the bigger problem here; a married couple not supporting each other. Strength is in numbers and she is obviously wanting support, as you stated, so her sorting it out for herself is obviously not the solution.0 -
People get divorced because the wife won't cook a specific meal for her husband?The advice about telling him to fend for himself is kind of sad. You are married...
Completely agree.
I concur! It is becoming clearer to me as to why the divorce is so high.
For those who didn't put the time in to read all the posts: op states on page one that she was not going to stop fixing dinner for him because she enjoys cooking for him after he gets home for work. Anybody posting she should make him cook for himself are not being helpful. Read people...
Kind of sad, actually.Valid points made, but I think that by saying he should fend for himself, is taking an easy way out of solving the bigger problem here; a married couple not supporting each other. Strength is in numbers and she is obviously wanting support, as you stated, so her sorting it out for herself is obviously not the solution.
Why? I eat what I eat. My SO eats what he eats. We don't really even discuss food beyond if one of us makes something we know the other will eat and offer it or discussing going to a restaurant. It really isn't complicated or difficult.
(This has worked for eight-plus years, FYI.)0 -
IHe is happy eating chicken schnitzel, pizza, burgers, and tacos because he likes it.....
Suggestions:
Burgers are a great way to get protein. If you cook them on a BBQ, the fat drains out pretty well. You could skip the bun, or have your burger on half a bun. Pile on the tomato and lettuce, or mushrooms and onions.
Pizza can be thin crust, and you can go easy on the cheese and add leftover veggies to yours instead of pepperoni. He can have whatever he wants on his portion.
Tacos can be filled with lean meat and vegetables. Soft corn tortillas are very low in fat, and nothing could be easier. If your guy prefers flour tortillas or hard, fried tacos, he can have them.
I don't know what chicken schnitzel is, but it's chicken, and maybe you could make a low calorie baked version for yourself.
Your goals are important and you have all the right reasons for wanting to improve your health. Maybe as your husband sees you succeeding, he'll learn to understand that your needs are different from his.0 -
People get divorced because the wife won't cook a specific meal for her husband?The advice about telling him to fend for himself is kind of sad. You are married...
Completely agree.
I concur! It is becoming clearer to me as to why the divorce is so high.
For those who didn't put the time in to read all the posts: op states on page one that she was not going to stop fixing dinner for him because she enjoys cooking for him after he gets home for work. Anybody posting she should make him cook for himself are not being helpful. Read people...
Kind of sad, actually.Valid points made, but I think that by saying he should fend for himself, is taking an easy way out of solving the bigger problem here; a married couple not supporting each other. Strength is in numbers and she is obviously wanting support, as you stated, so her sorting it out for herself is obviously not the solution.
Why? I eat what I eat. My SO eats what he eats. We don't really even discuss food beyond if one of us makes something we know the other will eat and offer it or discussing going to a restaurant. It really isn't complicated or difficult.
(This has worked for eight-plus years, FYI.)
People don't get divorced because of one meal. It is about way more than that. It is about wanting to do something nice for your significant other - even if it is more difficult for you! My husband works all day and I expect him to come home and fix his own food just because his needs are different? I do his laundry, pick out his clothes, and iron them too! Why? I certainly don't enjoy ironing. It is because I know that it will make his mornings easier on him.
Not saying what you are doing is wrong, because what you do works for you. The point is that as a married couple, you need to discuss what would work for both people. Give and take.0 -
Not saying what you are doing is wrong, because what you do works for you. The point is that as a married couple, you need to discuss what would work for both people. Give and take.
Sounds to me like what the OP is doing ISN'T working. She's not happy about it. Her husband isn't willing to give, but she has to?0 -
Why? I eat what I eat. My SO eats what he eats. We don't really even discuss food beyond if one of us makes something we know the other will eat and offer it or discussing going to a restaurant. It really isn't complicated or difficult.
(This has worked for eight-plus years, FYI.)
Werd, that's cool it works for you and maybe it is a solution for the OP. We are more traditional in our house and we all sit down together and eat the same healthy meal, knowing that we all get the right nutrition, etc. It just makes it easier for us. As I mentioned earlier, it's also easier on the pocket book and clock. Therefore less stress all around; giving birth on the beach.0
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