Married and friendly thread?

2

Replies

  • Dancer0515
    Dancer0515 Posts: 69 Member
    tenazhsc wrote: »
    fstrickl wrote: »

    The relative anonymity of a forum certainly does seem to give folks permission to behave outside how they would IRL situations. I’m sure there are studies on it and on how authentic community is or isn’t online. And I’m sure it’s similar in other types of forums.

    I think approaching things like this with a bit of honesty, sensibility and a good sense of humour is probably the way to go. MFP was made for non-medical health support but doesn’t mean there can’t be some goofiness along the way! 🙃🙂

    Honesty is definitely a big factor in making online friendships work. When you get in a fitness and wellness zone people irl get sick of talking about this stuff hence I think this is a great community to accomplish that.

    I legit love MFP. I just started looking at the forums and i found a random friend that inspires me to continue pushing!!! Add me so we can inspire eachother!!
  • tenazhsc
    tenazhsc Posts: 70 Member
    will_it_go_round_in_circles wrote: »
    tenazhsc wrote: »
    Ikeeptrying2 wrote: »
    26.5 years of being an "A". 32 years if you add in the dating period.

    Hey man congrats! I've been married for 12 years. Please share some of the keys to make this thing last :)

    Start and end each day with I.L.Y.
    Don't cheat
    Take an interest in her interests
    Don't bogart the marital responsibilities, work as a team.
    Support her endeavours
    Find unique ways to compliment that don't sound "obligatory".

    Those got me through 13, but wasn't enough for 14. Best I got bro.

    If some of the comments on this thread are any indication I'd say number 2 is biggest problem lol
    Sorry to hear about your ending result. Are you doing OK now?
  • Ikeeptrying2
    Ikeeptrying2 Posts: 156 Member
    tenazhsc wrote: »
    Ikeeptrying2 wrote: »
    26.5 years of being an "A". 32 years if you add in the dating period.

    Hey man congrats! I've been married for 12 years. Please share some of the keys to make this thing last :)

    Off the cuff, for us...

    No belief in the 50/50 rule... Just 100/100. Anything short of that is not giving it your all.

    - Respect each other including the evolution of changes for both. Changes constantly come. Need to work through them all.

    - Be willing to work at it. Both really need to WANT it.. More than anything else... Very easy to walk away.
  • Dancer0515
    Dancer0515 Posts: 69 Member
    will_it_go_round_in_circles wrote: »
    tenazhsc wrote: »
    Ikeeptrying2 wrote: »
    26.5 years of being an "A". 32 years if you add in the dating period.

    Hey man congrats! I've been married for 12 years. Please share some of the keys to make this thing last :)

    Start and end each day with I.L.Y.
    Don't cheat
    Take an interest in her interests
    Don't bogart the marital responsibilities, work as a team.
    Support her endeavours
    Find unique ways to compliment that don't sound "obligatory".

    Those got me through 13, but wasn't enough for 14. Best I got bro.

    The whole cheat thing is a big one. I also think for addition .. the things that puts a smile on my face is when my husband thinks of me and picks something out. He puts effort to make sure I smile especially on the days of sad. Its very important. Rememver the small things and do not sweat the big stuff!! Work as a team resonate too
  • KosmosKitten
    KosmosKitten Posts: 10,476 Member
    fstrickl wrote: »
    Versicolour wrote: »
    I'm happily divorced for 3 years now and thoroughly enjoying my freedom to talk to people and be friendly without having my motives questioned

    Having been married for 6.5 years (I honestly can’t believe it’s been that long) I find the questioning of motives doesn’t come from my parter, but from other people! Even from other female friends. It’s like back off, if I talk to a dude my partner doesn’t lose his mind and I don’t care how many female friends he has. Our relationship better be stronger than that. I find the judging sometimes has impacted my ability to talk to cis-het guys. People need to be less judgey.

    Yep, this. My partner and I routinely get questioned by others about our motives "hanging out" with the opposite sex. He has female friends, I have mostly male friends. I don't question his intentions when he visits them anymore than he questions mine when I hang out with or visit male cohorts.

    Questions run like:
    "Aren't you afraid of..."
    "You let him just..."
    "Doesn't he think you're going to cheat?"

    It was kind of bizarre. Like, why do these people care what my husband or I do when it doesn't involve them? Sure, he can go hang out with whoever he likes. Doesn't bother me in the slightest. Same for him, he'd let me hang out and play card games at the comic shop in the last place we lived until midnight. If I didn't come in before 3, then he'd call just to make sure I was okay.
  • tenazhsc
    tenazhsc Posts: 70 Member
    fstrickl wrote: »
    Versicolour wrote: »
    I'm happily divorced for 3 years now and thoroughly enjoying my freedom to talk to people and be friendly without having my motives questioned

    Having been married for 6.5 years (I honestly can’t believe it’s been that long) I find the questioning of motives doesn’t come from my parter, but from other people! Even from other female friends. It’s like back off, if I talk to a dude my partner doesn’t lose his mind and I don’t care how many female friends he has. Our relationship better be stronger than that. I find the judging sometimes has impacted my ability to talk to cis-het guys. People need to be less judgey.

    A lot of that trust or rather confidence also comes from treating your partner right, right? If you're the jealous suspicious and abusive kind, yeah your mind ain't playing when it tells you she/he may find someone better. Your comment actually reflects good on you because you know your worth and you know that if he finds a cheap replacement (which he won't) you'll be better for it.
  • tenazhsc
    tenazhsc Posts: 70 Member
    jcrav77 wrote: »
    tenazhsc wrote: »
    Any
    a) happily married
    b) just plain ol' married
    c) disgruntledly married
    d) married but separated but remained roommates
    e) married and fully separated
    f) married but I got served or I served him/her
    people who are also friendly, the type that talks to strangers on the bus are welcome to participate here.
    "I love my spouse" is a give in this thread...I guess at least for types a and b as listed above.
    You hope nothing but 100% platonic banter. You wanna shoot the breeze and distract yourself from hunger spasms or you're just counting down to your next workout, please come in.

    Groups d,e,f we know you're extra motivated to shape up but you can't quite participate in the singles thread yet, this is the thread for you ;)

    Let's talk about anything. Go!


    What about those who could be any of the above depending on your spouses mood that day? I haven’t been served or served him but we both have papers in our inbox that could be printed and signed anytime. Lol living on the edge of insanity. Today I’m more of a B.

    Two weeks ago on a Monday he moved out took the RV to the town he works in an hour away. Tuesday he came home and said let’s buy a pool. Wednesday he sold the RV “to pay for the pool.” I ended up paying for the pool. Last Wednesday he spent two hours yelling at me about why I wore a dress to go get my stress test done at the hospital I work at. Apparently I look damn good in that dress. Lol Friday and Saturday were great. Sunday mmm ok. This week he is buying a bigger RV only in his name. And going to start staying in the town he is working in during the week. “So he doesn’t put a bunch of miles on his truck” I’m just along for the ride. 🤷🏻‍♀️

    You sound like a good sport. Here's a meme for you lol
    b23b2t0enmzi.jpg

    But seriously, are you serious? Did you know he was gonna be like this before marrying him?
  • harper16
    harper16 Posts: 2,564 Member
    jcrav77 wrote: »
    tenazhsc wrote: »
    Any
    a) happily married
    b) just plain ol' married
    c) disgruntledly married
    d) married but separated but remained roommates
    e) married and fully separated
    f) married but I got served or I served him/her
    people who are also friendly, the type that talks to strangers on the bus are welcome to participate here.
    "I love my spouse" is a give in this thread...I guess at least for types a and b as listed above.
    You hope nothing but 100% platonic banter. You wanna shoot the breeze and distract yourself from hunger spasms or you're just counting down to your next workout, please come in.

    Groups d,e,f we know you're extra motivated to shape up but you can't quite participate in the singles thread yet, this is the thread for you ;)

    Let's talk about anything. Go!


    What about those who could be any of the above depending on your spouses mood that day? I haven’t been served or served him but we both have papers in our inbox that could be printed and signed anytime. Lol living on the edge of insanity. Today I’m more of a B.

    Two weeks ago on a Monday he moved out took the RV to the town he works in an hour away. Tuesday he came home and said let’s buy a pool. Wednesday he sold the RV “to pay for the pool.” I ended up paying for the pool. Last Wednesday he spent two hours yelling at me about why I wore a dress to go get my stress test done at the hospital I work at. Apparently I look damn good in that dress. Lol Friday and Saturday were great. Sunday mmm ok. This week he is buying a bigger RV only in his name. And going to start staying in the town he is working in during the week. “So he doesn’t put a bunch of miles on his truck” I’m just along for the ride. 🤷🏻‍♀️

    Runaway.
  • Neil7905
    Neil7905 Posts: 277 Member
    Hiyaaaaa
  • fstrickl
    fstrickl Posts: 883 Member
    tenazhsc wrote: »
    fstrickl wrote: »
    Versicolour wrote: »
    I'm happily divorced for 3 years now and thoroughly enjoying my freedom to talk to people and be friendly without having my motives questioned

    Having been married for 6.5 years (I honestly can’t believe it’s been that long) I find the questioning of motives doesn’t come from my parter, but from other people! Even from other female friends. It’s like back off, if I talk to a dude my partner doesn’t lose his mind and I don’t care how many female friends he has. Our relationship better be stronger than that. I find the judging sometimes has impacted my ability to talk to cis-het guys. People need to be less judgey.

    A lot of that trust or rather confidence also comes from treating your partner right, right? If you're the jealous suspicious and abusive kind, yeah your mind ain't playing when it tells you she/he may find someone better. Your comment actually reflects good on you because you know your worth and you know that if he finds a cheap replacement (which he won't) you'll be better for it.

    Aww, thank you very much. ☺️
  • Ikeeptrying2
    Ikeeptrying2 Posts: 156 Member
    mullanphylane wrote: »
    Next month it will be 40 years of most of the letters in the original post. Relationships of any kind are not static - things change, it's how life is. Sort of like the weather; if you don't like it at the moment just wait a bit and it will change (maybe to something worse than you're now experiencing, maybe something better - but it WILL change) .

    We are so opposite in almost everything that I doubt we live on the same planet. I can't think of anything we like doing together, other than sex, and even that can be a chore - for both of us.

    Ever notice stories that end with "...happily ever after" start with, "Once upon a time..."? They'are called fairy tales for a reason.

    Indeed.. You have to want it to work and be willing to put in the work for it to be sustainable. No one said it was supposed to be easy.

    We've had mutual interests at various points along the way. Sometimes those fade and come back - sometimes they do not. We try to always respect / support each other's interests though, regardless if we share them together.
  • toriann319
    toriann319 Posts: 994 Member
    I'm so glad I found this group. I'm not married yet but I am engaged! I was so excited to get involved with people who are sharing the same dreams and goals as I am and this turned into a dating site very quickly...
  • dsc84
    dsc84 Posts: 208 Member
    toriannhammond wrote: »
    I'm so glad I found this group. I'm not married yet but I am engaged! I was so excited to get involved with people who are sharing the same dreams and goals as I am and this turned into a dating site very quickly...

    I am glad this thread exists as well.

    I've been married for 14 years and it's been A-C on the list depending on any given date, but that's marriage. It ebs and flows. We are mostly in the A-B. Sometimes it feels like MFP is a dating site with all of flirting etc. that is going on, which is why I avoid the message boards mostly because I have no interest in that.

    Thanks for starting the thread.
  • tequierosince06
    tequierosince06 Posts: 101 Member
    Newly married & trying to lose weight. At first i went dress fitting and thought oh no I need to lose weight & started on my weightloss journey. Was supposed to get married in April (now moved to october or farther) with the big dress but thanks pandemic! Now I have more time to lose weight how great🙃😑.
    So we got married a month ago at the courthouse on our anniversary (without the big dress). Dress fits better but now trying to lose weight to 1. Get pregnant and 2. Lose as much as I can before I get pregnant so I either have a little wiggle room in case I gain weight or have a baby bump. 3. Lose as much mama pooch from the last time before it comes back again.
    Hubby complains about me always exercising but I try not to let it get to me, certainly doesn’t complain about the 🍑
  • PlentyofProtein00
    PlentyofProtein00 Posts: 3,669 Member
    will_it_go_round_in_circles wrote: »
    tenazhsc wrote: »
    Ikeeptrying2 wrote: »
    26.5 years of being an "A". 32 years if you add in the dating period.

    Hey man congrats! I've been married for 12 years. Please share some of the keys to make this thing last :)

    Start and end each day with I.L.Y.
    Don't cheat
    Take an interest in her interests
    Don't bogart the marital responsibilities, work as a team.
    Support her endeavours
    Find unique ways to compliment that don't sound "obligatory".

    Those got me through 13, but wasn't enough for 14. Best I got bro.

    🙂you never loved my spider friend
  • PlentyofProtein00
    PlentyofProtein00 Posts: 3,669 Member
    mullanphylane wrote: »
    Next month it will be 40 years of most of the letters in the original post. Relationships of any kind are not static - things change, it's how life is. Sort of like the weather; if you don't like it at the moment just wait a bit and it will change (maybe to something worse than you're now experiencing, maybe something better - but it WILL change) .

    We are so opposite in almost everything that I doubt we live on the same planet. I can't think of anything we like doing together, other than sex, and even that can be a chore - for both of us.

    Ever notice stories that end with "...happily ever after." start with, "Once upon a time..."? They'are called fairy tales for a reason.





    This...100%
  • Bronco2500
    Bronco2500 Posts: 5 Member
    Happy happy joy joy
  • KosmosKitten
    KosmosKitten Posts: 10,476 Member
    I would say it's a trap, but the person who started it is pretty cool. ;)
  • ReenieHJ
    ReenieHJ Posts: 9,724 Member
    tenazhsc wrote: »
    jcrav77 wrote: »
    tenazhsc wrote: »
    Any
    a) happily married
    b) just plain ol' married
    c) disgruntledly married
    d) married but separated but remained roommates
    e) married and fully separated
    f) married but I got served or I served him/her
    people who are also friendly, the type that talks to strangers on the bus are welcome to participate here.
    "I love my spouse" is a give in this thread...I guess at least for types a and b as listed above.
    You hope nothing but 100% platonic banter. You wanna shoot the breeze and distract yourself from hunger spasms or you're just counting down to your next workout, please come in.

    Groups d,e,f we know you're extra motivated to shape up but you can't quite participate in the singles thread yet, this is the thread for you ;)

    Let's talk about anything. Go!


    What about those who could be any of the above depending on your spouses mood that day? I haven’t been served or served him but we both have papers in our inbox that could be printed and signed anytime. Lol living on the edge of insanity. Today I’m more of a B.

    Two weeks ago on a Monday he moved out took the RV to the town he works in an hour away. Tuesday he came home and said let’s buy a pool. Wednesday he sold the RV “to pay for the pool.” I ended up paying for the pool. Last Wednesday he spent two hours yelling at me about why I wore a dress to go get my stress test done at the hospital I work at. Apparently I look damn good in that dress. Lol Friday and Saturday were great. Sunday mmm ok. This week he is buying a bigger RV only in his name. And going to start staying in the town he is working in during the week. “So he doesn’t put a bunch of miles on his truck” I’m just along for the ride. 🤷🏻‍♀️

    You sound like a good sport. Here's a meme for you lol
    b23b2t0enmzi.jpg

    But seriously, are you serious? Did you know he was gonna be like this before marrying him?

    People change so much, as they age, or being with someone for a number of years. :( Not to mention, there's a reason for the saying 'the honeymoon's over'. Most are on their best behavior until they know they've got ya. :/

    I don't know what I am anymore. :blush:
    We got married in 1978, had 4 children, separated in 2008(there abouts) and just started living together again a year+ ago. TBH, I liked living alone so much better and wish we had divorced when it was the right thing to do but there's no turning back now. :( We talked about it a lot before he moved back in so I thought there'd be change from the both of us, more respect, tolerance, kindness, less expectations.
    *sigh* funny how easily all those old habits come back. BUT the upside is we have separate bedrooms we can hide in and his room is where the TV is. :)
  • ReenieHJ
    ReenieHJ Posts: 9,724 Member
    I see my sister and her dh who has Alzheimer's. They've been married over 50 years and admits they've had rough years and great years. Watching her devotion all this time while getting the 'short end of the stick' has me wondering if anything like being happy together, is a reality. I know she loves him to pieces and he has in his own way(maybe during recent years even more so)returned that love. I watched my parents stay together through thick and thin, for over 50 years. It's a very rare thing these days. :( People don't have the tolerance and patience they used to, myself included.
  • PlentyofProtein00
    PlentyofProtein00 Posts: 3,669 Member
    ReenieHJ wrote: »
    tenazhsc wrote: »
    jcrav77 wrote: »
    tenazhsc wrote: »
    Any
    a) happily married
    b) just plain ol' married
    c) disgruntledly married
    d) married but separated but remained roommates
    e) married and fully separated
    f) married but I got served or I served him/her
    people who are also friendly, the type that talks to strangers on the bus are welcome to participate here.
    "I love my spouse" is a give in this thread...I guess at least for types a and b as listed above.
    You hope nothing but 100% platonic banter. You wanna shoot the breeze and distract yourself from hunger spasms or you're just counting down to your next workout, please come in.

    Groups d,e,f we know you're extra motivated to shape up but you can't quite participate in the singles thread yet, this is the thread for you ;)

    Let's talk about anything. Go!


    What about those who could be any of the above depending on your spouses mood that day? I haven’t been served or served him but we both have papers in our inbox that could be printed and signed anytime. Lol living on the edge of insanity. Today I’m more of a B.

    Two weeks ago on a Monday he moved out took the RV to the town he works in an hour away. Tuesday he came home and said let’s buy a pool. Wednesday he sold the RV “to pay for the pool.” I ended up paying for the pool. Last Wednesday he spent two hours yelling at me about why I wore a dress to go get my stress test done at the hospital I work at. Apparently I look damn good in that dress. Lol Friday and Saturday were great. Sunday mmm ok. This week he is buying a bigger RV only in his name. And going to start staying in the town he is working in during the week. “So he doesn’t put a bunch of miles on his truck” I’m just along for the ride. 🤷🏻‍♀️

    You sound like a good sport. Here's a meme for you lol
    b23b2t0enmzi.jpg

    But seriously, are you serious? Did you know he was gonna be like this before marrying him?

    People change so much, as they age, or being with someone for a number of years. :( Not to mention, there's a reason for the saying 'the honeymoon's over'. Most are on their best behavior until they know they've got ya. :/

    I don't know what I am anymore. :blush:
    We got married in 1978, had 4 children, separated in 2008(there abouts) and just started living together again a year+ ago. TBH, I liked living alone so much better and wish we had divorced when it was the right thing to do but there's no turning back now. :( We talked about it a lot before he moved back in so I thought there'd be change from the both of us, more respect, tolerance, kindness, less expectations.
    *sigh* funny how easily all those old habits come back. BUT the upside is we have separate bedrooms we can hide in and his room is where the TV is. :)

    Its never too late. You can always make changes.
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