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When you're the only one in your house trying to lose weight...

saltysparklesaltysparkle Member, Premium Posts: 84 Member Member, Premium Posts: 84 Member
Hey, there! For those of us who have partners/kids/roommates who are not also trying to lose weight, this is a thread to share our challenges and encourage each other. (I feel like someone must have come up with a funny name for this situation!)

Example: My partner is not trying to lose weight, and just doesn't understand how hard I'm working, and he wants to be encouraging -- but he's just not. Because he doesn't "get it." He has never tried to do anything like this, and so when I was so proud of myself for finally trying out a C25K workout this morning (!), his response to my FB post about it was, "Oh, did you walk down to the pond by yourself?"

My internal voice: "DUDE. I just tried something I've been working up to, something I've been avoiding, and fearing I couldn't do. I finally did it, and you completely missed the point and didn't say one nice thing to me? What the actual hell?! Why are you asking me about the POND? Yes, I walked the dog to the pond. I literally walk to the pond Every Day. Every. Damn. Day. And have posted pictures of it several times. I did that AFTER I was up at 5:15 to do a C25K workout. How did you fail to see the C25K mention on there?!"

Anyway. I love him. And perhaps it's unfair to hope he'll "get it." It just feels really lonely, though. It's not like he has no weight to lose, but he figures when the pandemic is over, he'll go back to his volleyball and that will be good enough.
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  • lynn_glenmontlynn_glenmont Member Posts: 8,058 Member Member Posts: 8,058 Member
    Theoldguy1 wrote: »
    Hey, there! For those of us who have partners/kids/roommates who are not also trying to lose weight, this is a thread to share our challenges and encourage each other. (I feel like someone must have come up with a funny name for this situation!)

    Example: My partner is not trying to lose weight, and just doesn't understand how hard I'm working, and he wants to be encouraging -- but he's just not. Because he doesn't "get it." He has never tried to do anything like this, and so when I was so proud of myself for finally trying out a C25K workout this morning (!), his response to my FB post about it was, "Oh, did you walk down to the pond by yourself?"

    My internal voice: "DUDE. I just tried something I've been working up to, something I've been avoiding, and fearing I couldn't do. I finally did it, and you completely missed the point and didn't say one nice thing to me? What the actual hell?! Why are you asking me about the POND? Yes, I walked the dog to the pond. I literally walk to the pond Every Day. Every. Damn. Day. And have posted pictures of it several times. I did that AFTER I was up at 5:15 to do a C25K workout. How did you fail to see the C25K mention on there?!"

    Anyway. I love him. And perhaps it's unfair to hope he'll "get it." It just feels really lonely, though. It's not like he has no weight to lose, but he figures when the pandemic is over, he'll go back to his volleyball and that will be good enough.

    Perhaps if you would actually engage him in a conversation (you know actually talking using your voice) instead of social media you would get better results?

    Yes, this. Also, don't expect people to be mind-readers. If something is important to you and you have specific words you want to hear someone say about it, that's just not likely going to be a productive approach.

    I was thinking this was going to be one of those threads about family members "sabotaging" someone's weight loss plans by not changing their own eating habits.
  • freda78freda78 Member Posts: 128 Member Member Posts: 128 Member

    So, in our strange and intimate way, I take his utter lack of input as tacit support and appreciate it for what it is.

    It’s whatever works for you.

    PS I make him sound like an oaf. He’s a doll baby and I’m lucky to have him.

    Don't worry, you do not make him sound like an oaf at all and instead what you have said about him is quite thoughtful.

    I am happy to talk about my weight loss but frankly, I would just rather be left to get on with it and your story demonstrates that sometimes the best support can simply be someone making that as easy as possible.

  • LynnJ9LynnJ9 Member, Premium Posts: 409 Member Member, Premium Posts: 409 Member
    Hubby's gonna get a rude awakening in about 11 pounds from me! I've always, throughout our marriage, weighed as much as or more than him -- mostly more than. Although he weighs about 50 pounds less than he did when we got married, I'm catching up. He's crept up from his low and I'm still heading down. I told him he doesn't need to pay attention to his weight until I catch up. I'm the closest to caught up since he first lost weight after we got married! I'm hoping to reach ONEderland by my 70th birthday on January 25th. His 70th birthday is January 7th and if he hits ONEderland before his birthday, I'm going to be seriously annoyed! LOL

    Love this! You can do it!
  • RockingWithLJRockingWithLJ Member Posts: 121 Member Member Posts: 121 Member
    Sounds like you need to shop around for a new guy... Love is only a fraction of being a good partner and he is seriously lacking. I really hope if you're not going to give him the boot that you communicate your needs to him...
    I have kids and a bunch of junk in the house. I give them the option to fend for themselves (within reason) or to eat what I cook. They like the foods I cook although they are healthy so they tend to go with what I cook. Even when they fend for themselves, it's usually me cooking them mac & cheese and hotdogs or burgers on the grill or spaghetti, all of which I cannot have.
  • gcmintongcminton Member Posts: 134 Member Member Posts: 134 Member
    It sure can make it harder, but in the end if you're doing this for yourself, that's all that really matters.

    I'm currently the only one in my house trying to lose weight. My fiance wants to but just isn't ready to make serious changes yet, and our roommate isn't interested at all. I'm also following a keto WOE, which is also different from them.

    They're both supportive but they'll keep doing them and I'll keep doing me. Since my fiance and I do all of the cooking, we do at least try to make food we can all eat or that can be easily modified for me (like splitting away a portion before adding ingredients I'm avoiding). When that isn't in the cards, I fend for myself with no fuss. It's not their job to hold my hand, all I ask is that they be polite and I'll do the same.

    As for them commenting on my progress, I don't go out of my way to talk to my roomie since there's a chance I'll trigger her (EDNOS history) but I don't hide what I'm doing and she will occasionally pipe up if she notices positive changes. I'm far more likely to gush to my fiance when I reach a new goal or milestone and he'll celebrate with me, but I wouldn't expect him to celebrate something I hadn't actually spoken to him about.

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