Stop blaming husbands, wives, SO's, friends, etc.!!!

OtiWanKenobi
OtiWanKenobi Posts: 340 Member
in Motivation and Support
Just stop. Please.

You are accountable for your own actions... not anyone else. You were born into this world alone and not attached to anyone else to feel like they owe you their support.

Yes it's tough when the people closest to you don't "support" your efforts...but ultimately you're the one that's on this journey (not them) and have to learn how to deal with these obstacles. Losing weight is just not a journey of physically losing weight but is also a MENTAL/PSYCHOLOGICAL journey and all these struggles are what make YOU stronger.

Don't blame you husbands or wives or whomever for sabotaging you and stop resenting them because they don't want to eat like you do or exercise like you do.

I lived with my boyfriend, now husband for 3 years before we were married and of those two I started my weight loss journey. It was tough for me because he ate whatever he wanted meanwhile I starved. At first I resented him...but then I was unhappy and I made him unhappy and that made our relationship suffer.

I realized this quickly and learned that this is MY journey. If he wants to be healthy he will do it on his own terms....and I will set an example by living the life and not preaching it or forcing it down his throat.

Present day, we're married, I lost 50lbs and out of his own accord has started watching what he eats and is losing weight. Now I can cook for the both of us instead of preparing separate meals....and we're just as happy as we were before. Nothing's really changed except that we have one more thing in common.

Essentially...you're going to be presented with obstacles your entire life and how you deal with them is going to determine if your journey is successful. This is what makes WILL POWER stronger.

Ok I'm done.
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Replies

  • spade117
    spade117 Posts: 2,466 Member
    Logical post.

    Those are rare here.
  • Tandi_S
    Tandi_S Posts: 439 Member
    :flowerforyou: :drinker: :flowerforyou:
  • OtiWanKenobi
    OtiWanKenobi Posts: 340 Member
    Logical post.

    Those are rare here.

    QFT

    That's probably why anyone has barely commented. LOL. :drinker:
  • ItsCasey
    ItsCasey Posts: 4,021 Member
    It is kind of depressing to see how this "Everyone must strive to make my life easier because the world clearly revolves around me" attitude has permeated every segment of society.

    I do expect the people who love me to support me, but for me, that simply means that they respect my choices and that they don't intentionally interfere with my goals. I don't expect them to bend over backward to accommodate my lifestyle, and I certainly don't insist that they do it with me. I also don't assume that anyone who tries to get me to eat a piece of cake is trying to sabotage me. I like cake. I think people who offer cake are nice. If I can't eat it for some reason (fasting, not enough calories left, etc.), I'll say "No, thanks, but you're awesome for offering me cake," rather than "How dare you?! Why don't you want me to be successful?"
  • aarar
    aarar Posts: 684 Member
    Great post! So true
  • Melissa22G
    Melissa22G Posts: 847 Member
    But it's sooooo easy!

    Too much logic....mind exploding.
  • Achrya
    Achrya Posts: 16,913 Member
    Personal responsibility is hard. Easier to blame other people for not catering to my needs and just stay fat.
  • TheGymGypsy
    TheGymGypsy Posts: 1,023 Member
    People will give themselves excuses to fail, and this is one of the most common. It's a safety blanket. "Oh no, I gained 10 pounds! If only my husband was more supportive!" :sick:
  • OtiWanKenobi
    OtiWanKenobi Posts: 340 Member
    I also don't assume that anyone who tries to get me to eat a piece of cake is trying to sabotage me. I like cake. I think people who offer cake are nice. If I can't eat it for some reason (fasting, not enough calories left, etc.), I'll say "No, thanks, but you're awesome for offering me cake," rather than "How dare you?! Why don't you want me to be successful?"

    this is why you rock, Casey! :bigsmile: :flowerforyou:
  • BattleTaxi
    BattleTaxi Posts: 752 Member
    OP makes a good point! Well said!

    For myself, I would be upset that my other half wasn't interested in MFP, rather than just that they were not eating healthy. (Does that make sense?) Really just because it is such an important thing in my life, it is how I keep it real with myself.

    I don't blame others for my choices, because like you said, it is YOUR CHOICE!!!
  • Mia_RagazzaTosta
    Mia_RagazzaTosta Posts: 4,885 Member
    Word
  • da_bears10089
    da_bears10089 Posts: 1,791 Member
    I also don't assume that anyone who tries to get me to eat a piece of cake is trying to sabotage me. I like cake. I think people who offer cake are nice. If I can't eat it for some reason (fasting, not enough calories left, etc.), I'll say "No, thanks, but you're awesome for offering me cake," rather than "How dare you?! Why don't you want me to be successful?"

    this is why you rock, Casey! :bigsmile: :flowerforyou:

    but they made cake because they want you to be fat! not out of the kindness of their hearts! how do you not see all the sabotage?!?!
  • blc1971
    blc1971 Posts: 170 Member
    I totally agree! While it's more difficult if your spouse/ SO is not supportive, you are still a grown-up and can make your own choices. My husband is very thin and fit, and he can eat anything he wants. He loves chocolate donuts, Hershey Kisses, and brownies. I do not have the metabolism to support eating whatever, whenever, but I don't deprive him of the things he loves and can eat without consequence. I buy him the treats he likes but I make sure that either I don't eat it or I eat a little bit within my calorie allotment. It is my job (not his) to make sure I'm monitoring what I eat and when I exercise. That being said, my hubby has been really supportive of me and my efforts. He helps me to make time to work out and compliments my progress with my weight, my strength training, etc. That means a lot, but the ultimate responsibility for me is ME!!
  • debbash68
    debbash68 Posts: 981 Member
    How an I stop blaming them when it's all their fault
  • Tandi_S
    Tandi_S Posts: 439 Member
    I also don't assume that anyone who tries to get me to eat a piece of cake is trying to sabotage me. I like cake. I think people who offer cake are nice. If I can't eat it for some reason (fasting, not enough calories left, etc.), I'll say "No, thanks, but you're awesome for offering me cake," rather than "How dare you?! Why don't you want me to be successful?"

    this is why you rock, Casey! :bigsmile: :flowerforyou:

    Cake?!? I love cake!
    :love:

    QFT
  • Wildflower0106
    Wildflower0106 Posts: 247 Member
    Best post I have read in a long time!


    OP: YOU ROCK!

    ROLL TIDE :)
  • Hestion
    Hestion Posts: 740 Member
    :drinker: :flowerforyou:

    I was thinking the exact same thing :happy:
  • randomtai
    randomtai Posts: 9,003 Member
    This thread rocks
    Jesus-rocks.gif
  • stackhead
    stackhead Posts: 121 Member
    It is kind of depressing to see how this "Everyone must strive to make my life easier because the world clearly revolves around me" attitude has permeated every segment of society.

    I do expect the people who love me to support me, but for me, that simply means that they respect my choices and that they don't intentionally interfere with my goals. I don't expect them to bend over backward to accommodate my lifestyle, and I certainly don't insist that they do it with me. I also don't assume that anyone who tries to get me to eat a piece of cake is trying to sabotage me. I like cake. I think people who offer cake are nice. If I can't eat it for some reason (fasting, not enough calories left, etc.), I'll say "No, thanks, but you're awesome for offering me cake," rather than "How dare you?! Why don't you want me to be successful?"

    THIS.

    And if you bring me cake, i'll love you forever. Speshcially a decent victoria sponge, raspberry jam not strawberry. Cheers.
  • spoiledpuppies
    spoiledpuppies Posts: 675 Member
    I get what the OP is saying. But I happen to have support from absolutely everyone important around me, and I can still empathize with someone who doesn't have a supportive spouse, for example. My husband is SO supportive, and I think this helps me to realize how much more difficult it would be if he weren't.

    No, I don't think (most) people are trying to sabotage anyone, but I do see how an unsupportive network would be more challenging.

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