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mom23mangos wrote: »Kind of an offshoot from @americanasbacon's post. How does one find their purpose? Is there even such a thing? Do we just go about our days, hoping for the best? How do you find that one thing that matters so much to you that you can make it your life's goal or mission? Especially when there are so many aspects about the community, world, etc., that you want to change? How can 1 person conceivably make that much of a difference, unless you're like Greta Thunberg.
I guess this isn't really a dark side, just a lot of self-reflection. But then I do have a dark side so it counts, right?
I JUST shared this yesterday. It was from my son's school Director (who's the most amazing person I know) and something I think I needed to hear.
https://fb.watch/5ixdVwENCh/
The video struck home. We don't have to go all out and be a spokesperson for the world; we can take our own corner and improve, create, change it.
Thank you for sharing that!
I forget sometimes it's NOT all or nothing. It doesn't have to be perfect, *I* don't have to be perfect. I just have to be present, active, enough, trying, and find the good in what I have done and continue to do.3 -
I went to wake up my son this morning and saw a new cut on his arm. I pulled up his sleeve and there were 11 new lines over an inch long. Each clearly drew blood.
We talked about it and he said that he was just hurting so much that it took his mind off the pain inside. That he didn't want to kill himself, and he wants to live, but that it just hurts so much and this is the only thing that distracts him.
I have gotten so much help, and it's just not helping. I feel sick. I mean, at least he wants to live, so that's a good thing, but honestly? I feel sick inside. I tried suggesting other things, other coping mechanisms, other distractions, but he shoots them down. He wants to cut.
Each day we wake up is a gift. Each day I go into his room and he's still breathing is a gift.
In other news... I get to go for my root canal today.15 -
KickassAmazon76 wrote: »I went to wake up my son this morning and saw a new cut on his arm. I pulled up his sleeve and there were 11 new lines over an inch long. Each clearly drew blood.
We talked about it and he said that he was just hurting so much that it took his mind off the pain inside. That he didn't want to kill himself, and he wants to live, but that it just hurts so much and this is the only thing that distracts him.
I have gotten so much help, and it's just not helping. I feel sick. I mean, at least he wants to live, so that's a good thing, but honestly? I feel sick inside. I tried suggesting other things, other coping mechanisms, other distractions, but he shoots them down. He wants to cut.
Each day we wake up is a gift. Each day I go into his room and he's still breathing is a gift.
In other news... I get to go for my root canal today.
My heart breaks for you. I know this feeling all to well as my daughter did the same. Don't give up hope that one day he will decide to embrace other coping mechanisms. Just know you're not alone ❤4 -
_sw33tp3a_11 wrote: »KickassAmazon76 wrote: »I went to wake up my son this morning and saw a new cut on his arm. I pulled up his sleeve and there were 11 new lines over an inch long. Each clearly drew blood.
We talked about it and he said that he was just hurting so much that it took his mind off the pain inside. That he didn't want to kill himself, and he wants to live, but that it just hurts so much and this is the only thing that distracts him.
I have gotten so much help, and it's just not helping. I feel sick. I mean, at least he wants to live, so that's a good thing, but honestly? I feel sick inside. I tried suggesting other things, other coping mechanisms, other distractions, but he shoots them down. He wants to cut.
Each day we wake up is a gift. Each day I go into his room and he's still breathing is a gift.
In other news... I get to go for my root canal today.
My heart breaks for you. I know this feeling all to well as my daughter did the same. Don't give up hope that one day he will decide to embrace other coping mechanisms. Just know you're not alone ❤
thank you.
I need to hold on to the fact that he said today he has stuff he wants to live for. So that is a win. It just hurts so much to see him hurting and feel so freaking impotent to help.7 -
When my ex wife and I were married we had several animals over the years. One cat, Ethel, was born in 2003. My youngest son was born in 1997. Ethel went downhill fast. I stopped over the house yesterday and my son, a man in his own right was sitting next to her stroking her head and telling her with tears in his eyes "...its ok..you can go, you don't have to hold on for me". There is nothing that will break you down faster than the pain of your children. She died soon after and we cried and reminisced together. While I've known that Ethel would die I did not know how much it affected him.
I know those who have kids here are experiencing pain in different ways for different reasons. One step at a time, one day at a time, one issue at a time. We have no choice but to go forward.16 -
When my ex wife and I were married we had several animals over the years. One cat, Ethel, was born in 2003. My youngest son was born in 1997. Ethel went downhill fast. I stopped over the house yesterday and my son, a man in his own right was sitting next to her stroking her head and telling her with tears in his eyes "...its ok..you can go, you don't have to hold on for me". There is nothing that will break you down faster than the pain of your children. She died soon after and we cried and reminisced together. While I've known that Ethel would die I did not know how much it affected him.
I know those who have kids here are experiencing pain in different ways for different reasons. One step at a time, one day at a time, one issue at a time. We have no choice but to go forward.
Sometimes we don't realize the impact that pets can have on us or our kids. My oldest was actively suicidal for several years and for a long time he said that the only thing that really kept him from going through with it was the thought that our Opus (our elderly dog) needed him. We were really concerned when we had to put him down at 15. Our son did indeed make an attempt just a month later after that.
I'm glad your son got the chance to say goodbye and that you were able to be there for him to mourn together.6 -
KickassAmazon76 wrote: »I went to wake up my son this morning and saw a new cut on his arm. I pulled up his sleeve and there were 11 new lines over an inch long. Each clearly drew blood.
We talked about it and he said that he was just hurting so much that it took his mind off the pain inside. That he didn't want to kill himself, and he wants to live, but that it just hurts so much and this is the only thing that distracts him.
I have gotten so much help, and it's just not helping. I feel sick. I mean, at least he wants to live, so that's a good thing, but honestly? I feel sick inside. I tried suggesting other things, other coping mechanisms, other distractions, but he shoots them down. He wants to cut.
Each day we wake up is a gift. Each day I go into his room and he's still breathing is a gift.
In other news... I get to go for my root canal today.
I haven't read through all of your posts so I am not sure how old your son is. My son (who is now 18) lost his best friend to suicide at the age of 16. Reading your posts makes me think of him even more than usual. His mom is one of my dearest friends so I have seen the devastation first hand. I will keep your son in my thoughts and I certainly hope there are much better days ahead. It is especially hard I think that often there is no tangible source of the internal pain so 'treating' it is extremely difficult.5 -
KickassAmazon76 wrote: »I went to wake up my son this morning and saw a new cut on his arm. I pulled up his sleeve and there were 11 new lines over an inch long. Each clearly drew blood.
We talked about it and he said that he was just hurting so much that it took his mind off the pain inside. That he didn't want to kill himself, and he wants to live, but that it just hurts so much and this is the only thing that distracts him.
I have gotten so much help, and it's just not helping. I feel sick. I mean, at least he wants to live, so that's a good thing, but honestly? I feel sick inside. I tried suggesting other things, other coping mechanisms, other distractions, but he shoots them down. He wants to cut.
Each day we wake up is a gift. Each day I go into his room and he's still breathing is a gift.
In other news... I get to go for my root canal today.
Im so sorry you both are going through such a tough time 😔
There is hope.. my nephew was a cutter as well through his teen years, and now some 15 years on is a dad, a chef and life is good for him, he is happy.
I know your son has other issues too, but he wants to live so that alone is big. 🙂
Thinking of you both and sending all the positive vibes 🙏5 -
When my ex wife and I were married we had several animals over the years. One cat, Ethel, was born in 2003. My youngest son was born in 1997. Ethel went downhill fast. I stopped over the house yesterday and my son, a man in his own right was sitting next to her stroking her head and telling her with tears in his eyes "...its ok..you can go, you don't have to hold on for me". There is nothing that will break you down faster than the pain of your children. She died soon after and we cried and reminisced together. While I've known that Ethel would die I did not know how much it affected him.
I know those who have kids here are experiencing pain in different ways for different reasons. One step at a time, one day at a time, one issue at a time. We have no choice but to go forward.
I'm so glad that you were there for him when he needed you most. Much love to you and to your son on the loss of your pup.
It's so hard to lose our pets. They ARE family. 1 -
KickassAmazon76 wrote: »I went to wake up my son this morning and saw a new cut on his arm. I pulled up his sleeve and there were 11 new lines over an inch long. Each clearly drew blood.
We talked about it and he said that he was just hurting so much that it took his mind off the pain inside. That he didn't want to kill himself, and he wants to live, but that it just hurts so much and this is the only thing that distracts him.
I have gotten so much help, and it's just not helping. I feel sick. I mean, at least he wants to live, so that's a good thing, but honestly? I feel sick inside. I tried suggesting other things, other coping mechanisms, other distractions, but he shoots them down. He wants to cut.
Each day we wake up is a gift. Each day I go into his room and he's still breathing is a gift.
In other news... I get to go for my root canal today.
I haven't read through all of your posts so I am not sure how old your son is. My son (who is now 18) lost his best friend to suicide at the age of 16. Reading your posts makes me think of him even more than usual. His mom is one of my dearest friends so I have seen the devastation first hand. I will keep your son in my thoughts and I certainly hope there are much better days ahead. It is especially hard I think that often there is no tangible source of the internal pain so 'treating' it is extremely difficult.
Thank you. My son turns 14 in July. I hope that we can get him through this. He's in a dark place and as much as I try to help him see that things do get better, when you're living it - the night seems endless.
Big hugs to your son and his friend's family.4 -
slimgirljo15 wrote: »KickassAmazon76 wrote: »I went to wake up my son this morning and saw a new cut on his arm. I pulled up his sleeve and there were 11 new lines over an inch long. Each clearly drew blood.
We talked about it and he said that he was just hurting so much that it took his mind off the pain inside. That he didn't want to kill himself, and he wants to live, but that it just hurts so much and this is the only thing that distracts him.
I have gotten so much help, and it's just not helping. I feel sick. I mean, at least he wants to live, so that's a good thing, but honestly? I feel sick inside. I tried suggesting other things, other coping mechanisms, other distractions, but he shoots them down. He wants to cut.
Each day we wake up is a gift. Each day I go into his room and he's still breathing is a gift.
In other news... I get to go for my root canal today.
Im so sorry you both are going through such a tough time 😔
There is hope.. my nephew was a cutter as well through his teen years, and now some 15 years on is a dad, a chef and life is good for him, he is happy.
I know your son has other issues too, but he wants to live so that alone is big. 🙂
Thinking of you both and sending all the positive vibes 🙏
I know quite a few people who once were cutters, so I am hoping that it is something to hope for.Thank you for sharing and for the love and vibes. I have a feeling that we're moving into another dark patch and I just hope it won't be so long.
Much love to you. 3 -
KickassAmazon76 wrote: »slimgirljo15 wrote: »KickassAmazon76 wrote: »I went to wake up my son this morning and saw a new cut on his arm. I pulled up his sleeve and there were 11 new lines over an inch long. Each clearly drew blood.
We talked about it and he said that he was just hurting so much that it took his mind off the pain inside. That he didn't want to kill himself, and he wants to live, but that it just hurts so much and this is the only thing that distracts him.
I have gotten so much help, and it's just not helping. I feel sick. I mean, at least he wants to live, so that's a good thing, but honestly? I feel sick inside. I tried suggesting other things, other coping mechanisms, other distractions, but he shoots them down. He wants to cut.
Each day we wake up is a gift. Each day I go into his room and he's still breathing is a gift.
In other news... I get to go for my root canal today.
Im so sorry you both are going through such a tough time 😔
There is hope.. my nephew was a cutter as well through his teen years, and now some 15 years on is a dad, a chef and life is good for him, he is happy.
I know your son has other issues too, but he wants to live so that alone is big. 🙂
Thinking of you both and sending all the positive vibes 🙏
I know quite a few people who once were cutters, so I am hoping that it is something to hope for.Thank you for sharing and for the love and vibes. I have a feeling that we're moving into another dark patch and I just hope it won't be so long.
Much love to you.
Today is Children's Mental Health Awareness Day ❤️...
And my ❤️ to you and your family Mama... You guys will get through this...
Who knows, it's actually a very likely possibility that one day your sons struggles will compel him to use the rest of his life to help those who are destined to go through what he suffers from at the moment... And he will praise you for being his rock ❤️...
I'm not sure if you've read "Man's search for meaning" - by Viktor Frankl... But it's a very powerful book...
Viktor Frankl is a Psychotherapist, Neurologist and survivor of 4 Nazi concentration camps... At one point in the book he talks about several patients he dealt with and his overall approach seems to have been, helping people find meaning in their suffering...
One specific patient he helped by pointing out how they will simply never know what type of life they could have been destined for if they do not pull through...
And forgive my weak use of his strength as I attempt to paraphrase but I'm sure you understand what I'm saying... Anyhow I would highly recommend his book
Happy Mothers day to you ❤️❤️❤️12 -
When my ex wife and I were married we had several animals over the years. One cat, Ethel, was born in 2003. My youngest son was born in 1997. Ethel went downhill fast. I stopped over the house yesterday and my son, a man in his own right was sitting next to her stroking her head and telling her with tears in his eyes "...its ok..you can go, you don't have to hold on for me". There is nothing that will break you down faster than the pain of your children. She died soon after and we cried and reminisced together. While I've known that Ethel would die I did not know how much it affected him.
I know those who have kids here are experiencing pain in different ways for different reasons. One step at a time, one day at a time, one issue at a time. We have no choice but to go forward.
Our cats both passed last year within a month of one another. They were 13. I remember having the same gentle conversation with Magellan before he left this world. Our son was present when he passed and helped send him over the "rainbow bridge". He was only 8.
Yesterday (May 7), I was reminded that they would have turned 14 had they still been with us. Something my son said, jogged my memory and I said something to him about it offhanded, that yesterday was their birthday. He ran downstairs and decided to "gift" Galaxy and Magellan with treats from the treat jar, placing the treats in front of their urns. It breaks my heart when he does it (or when he writes them letters), but I think it helps him in some way, so I don't do anything or say anything to dissuade him.
Although, our other (living) cats figured out there were treats up where their urns were and hopped up there to help themselves.
I'm over here contemplating how deeply his grief goes for our cats compared to say, his grandmother who passed last month. He seems more comfortable and okay with her death than he did with our cats. But then again, Galaxy and Magellan were there for the first 8 years of his life every day, so maybe I just dismissed the connection based on their daily interaction (Galaxy and Magellan spent a lot of time lounging around and more or less ignoring everyone's existence outside of mine).
And seeing his pain in those little windows is heartrending. I wish I could make it better.. and I still wish they weren't gone. We both do, I realize. 5 -
Hugs to all those who witness the pain of their children. The tears in our own hearts go deep. But to you all who make their worlds brighter by being there for them because sometimes, that's all you can do. 2
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We video chatted yesterday with our 3 kids. I miss them all so much. Is it terrible of me to want them all to myself, just for a day? A day of laughter and fun and deep thoughts? Oh to turn back time to when they were little again and were begging for my attention and I was too busy caring for other people's children all day long.
I gave them what I could but I never felt like I had enough left for them.
Now that they're grown and on their own, it's no fun having to share them with significant others and the world.
Just hoping this year is different and I actually get to give them real hugs.7 -
KickassAmazon76 wrote: »I went to wake up my son this morning and saw a new cut on his arm. I pulled up his sleeve and there were 11 new lines over an inch long. Each clearly drew blood.
We talked about it and he said that he was just hurting so much that it took his mind off the pain inside. That he didn't want to kill himself, and he wants to live, but that it just hurts so much and this is the only thing that distracts him.
I have gotten so much help, and it's just not helping. I feel sick. I mean, at least he wants to live, so that's a good thing, but honestly? I feel sick inside. I tried suggesting other things, other coping mechanisms, other distractions, but he shoots them down. He wants to cut.
Each day we wake up is a gift. Each day I go into his room and he's still breathing is a gift.
In other news... I get to go for my root canal today.
This made me tear up this morning 💔 I can't even imagine how you feel but sending all my love to you. I hope things get better 🙏stay strong1 -
Mr_Healthy_Habits wrote: »
Today is Children's Mental Health Awareness Day ❤️...
And my ❤️ to you and your family Mama... You guys will get through this...
Who knows, it's actually a very likely possibility that one day your sons struggles will compel him to use the rest of his life to help those who are destined to go through what he suffers from at the moment... And he will praise you for being his rock ❤️...
I'm not sure if you've read "Man's search for meaning" - by Viktor Frankl... But it's a very powerful book...
Viktor Frankl is a Psychotherapist, Neurologist and survivor of 4 Nazi concentration camps... At one point in the book he talks about several patients he dealt with and his overall approach seems to have been, helping people find meaning in their suffering...
One specific patient he helped by pointing out how they will simply never know what type of life they could have been destined for if they do not pull through...
And forgive my weak use of his strength as I attempt to paraphrase but I'm sure you understand what I'm saying... Anyhow I would highly recommend his book
Happy Mothers day to you ❤️❤️❤️
Thank you for this. Already I see my son reaching out to others to try and help make their way smoother, even as he trips over his own path. I believe that he will be a world changer if we can get him through these dark paths. I've tried pointing him towards hope in the future, and there have been times where I've shared that I felt his struggles will help others once he makes it through, though the latter doesn't work so well because he's a bit self centered right now. It's not a message he is ready to hear. Regardless, I do believe it to be true.Miss_Chiev0us_ wrote: »This made me tear up this morning 💔 I can't even imagine how you feel but sending all my love to you. I hope things get better 🙏stay strong
I'm sad that it made you tear up. I really do appreciate having a place to go where I don't have to worry about my parents getting upset, or it getting back to him via a parent of a classmate who wanted to "help".
I can say that his mood has been better this past week. His arm looks brutal (at least to my mom's heart), and one of his classmates / teachers noticed and his guidance counsellor was then involved. She reached out to me to be sure I knew and we had another good talk. She was also mentioning how he seems to have a bit more hope for the future even though he took his pain out on his body so visually. That is good.
I needed that, because my OTHER cat had a medical emergency this weekend and almost died. (He had a urinary tract blockage that almost required surgery - it could have killed him if I hadn't gotten hom to the vet when I did. He's now on meds as well to try and clear out the crystals in his urine and new food).
Some days I feel like I am such a black cloud that I should go into hiding until I can be a sunnier person. I'm tired of people asking me how I'm doing because I either drag them down with the truth, or have to lie and say I'm ok. I guess I'm thankful that we're going into wave three of covid lockdowns. No surprise visits, and lots of excuses to NOT visit! hah
4 -
When my ex wife and I were married we had several animals over the years. One cat, Ethel, was born in 2003. My youngest son was born in 1997. Ethel went downhill fast. I stopped over the house yesterday and my son, a man in his own right was sitting next to her stroking her head and telling her with tears in his eyes "...its ok..you can go, you don't have to hold on for me". There is nothing that will break you down faster than the pain of your children. She died soon after and we cried and reminisced together. While I've known that Ethel would die I did not know how much it affected him.
I know those who have kids here are experiencing pain in different ways for different reasons. One step at a time, one day at a time, one issue at a time. We have no choice but to go forward.
Less than a month after Ethel died, their dog Boba had to be put to sleep yesterday. Boba was sick and had gone downhill fast as well. Nature is cruel. Boba was a big strong pit bull. Yesterday he was reduced to a frail shell of himself. My ex wife and my son were crying and held him while he died. Again, seeing people that I love so upset stabs me as well. I whispered to him, "You are a good boy. You never did anything wrong and I love you. Thank you for taking care of them."14 -
When my ex wife and I were married we had several animals over the years. One cat, Ethel, was born in 2003. My youngest son was born in 1997. Ethel went downhill fast. I stopped over the house yesterday and my son, a man in his own right was sitting next to her stroking her head and telling her with tears in his eyes "...its ok..you can go, you don't have to hold on for me". There is nothing that will break you down faster than the pain of your children. She died soon after and we cried and reminisced together. While I've known that Ethel would die I did not know how much it affected him.
I know those who have kids here are experiencing pain in different ways for different reasons. One step at a time, one day at a time, one issue at a time. We have no choice but to go forward.
Less than a month after Ethel died, their dog Boba had to be put to sleep yesterday. Boba was sick and had gone downhill fast as well. Nature is cruel. Boba was a big strong pit bull. Yesterday he was reduced to a frail shell of himself. My ex wife and my son were crying and held him while he died. Again, seeing people that I love so upset stabs me as well. I whispered to him, "You are a good boy. You never did anything wrong and I love you. Thank you for taking care of them."
Damn. Now I'm in my feelings. I'm so sorry for your losses.1 -
When my ex wife and I were married we had several animals over the years. One cat, Ethel, was born in 2003. My youngest son was born in 1997. Ethel went downhill fast. I stopped over the house yesterday and my son, a man in his own right was sitting next to her stroking her head and telling her with tears in his eyes "...its ok..you can go, you don't have to hold on for me". There is nothing that will break you down faster than the pain of your children. She died soon after and we cried and reminisced together. While I've known that Ethel would die I did not know how much it affected him.
I know those who have kids here are experiencing pain in different ways for different reasons. One step at a time, one day at a time, one issue at a time. We have no choice but to go forward.
Less than a month after Ethel died, their dog Boba had to be put to sleep yesterday. Boba was sick and had gone downhill fast as well. Nature is cruel. Boba was a big strong pit bull. Yesterday he was reduced to a frail shell of himself. My ex wife and my son were crying and held him while he died. Again, seeing people that I love so upset stabs me as well. I whispered to him, "You are a good boy. You never did anything wrong and I love you. Thank you for taking care of them."
Im so sorry for yours and your families loss 😞1
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