Serious/heavy/deep/real stuff

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  • turnerjwr
    turnerjwr Posts: 75 Member
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    A letter I recently wrote to a friend who just moved to Costa Rica:

    I enjoy reading your long messages, your mind is like a deep crystal clear lagoon and I find it fascinating to probe its depths. The way you write seizes my mind as its canvas, laying the imagery thick as an impasto landscape. You transport me until I’m swinging in a hammock, kissed by the salty breeze rolling off the tide. It seems as though I can hear the near whisper quiet laughter of your boys playing in the surf, their joy being carried to my ear on the breath of the ocean. True silence has no more welcome saboteur than the glee of children with their hearts and souls brimming with delight. A scene so rare and treasured that it prompts one to chase after it, bottle in one hand, stopper in the other. To capture the moment in time immemorial and be able to carry it with you, always at the ready to crack the seal and thieve a glint of pure, uncorrupted bliss. We must take every pursuit in the preservation of such places, for their existence is both critical and fleeting, and yet the lack of attention of the masses that would preserve it is the same ineffable quality in which we place so much value. I wish for you to maintain your joviality and mirth your current perspective provides you, and I hope you can maintain your focus on the beauty of simplicity rather than permitting the frivolity of a consumptive life to creep back into your life like the tide creeps to your doorstep. As much as I thirst to be locked in your eloquent gaze again, my own sensibilities are improved hearing your stories of both discovery and tribulation. I would be remiss to covet such a rare bird, and hide her away from the balance of the world to bask in the depth of her soul. I’m ecstatic you are pursuing what it is to be your true and honest self, forsaking what is necessary to realize such an evolution. Life is the first gift, love is the second, and understanding the third.

    A woman can always rely on a gentleman when it’s a question of not understanding a woman, and a man who make claims to the contrary likely has something to sell. However neither a true gentleman nor a good salesman would venture so far as to decide a woman is lazy. I cannot fathom the depths of burden women endure simply by belonging to a society where your expectations and standards have been set and a repeatedly delivered with subconscious psychological engineering. Having the presence of mind to refuse to participate in the established system of unrealistic aesthetic qualities and unattainable modes of behavior is a hard fought and well deserved frame of mind, one which I hope to instill unto my three daughters by the time society makes its first attempt to sink its claws into their psyche. I relish at the thought of your visage coated in melted chocolate and gooey marshmallow, licked by the flames of a beach bonfire while your face frames the beauty of truly joyous laughter. One has occasion to believe there can be no better times had than those spent with good friends and good food, holding lively discourse on no actual topic at all. Wandering banter that is allowed to follow whatever path it decides on a chosen evening has provided for some of the more memorable conversations in which I’ve had the pleasure to be involved. For there is no muscle to be toned nor shade of rouge on a cheek to create a physical attraction that can hold a candle to the allure of a joyous soul overflowing with love and camaraderie of friendship.

    The notion of finding comfort in the uncomfortable is something with which I’ve long been obsessed. To discover, truly, the hardness of a human being; what can be tolerated, and more so what has been engrained that has fostered weakness and fragility. To continue to push past limits even while those limits are being argued by our own internal monologue. Hardships bring life into focus, to provide a frame of reference for how bad things can become, and by doing so, supply a baseline from which to measure how good things can be. For there is no light without the darkness, no joy without suffering. To witness a community band together in true selflessness and compassion is a miracle in this modern world. It is beautiful to read that you’ve found that sort of fellowship in such a short time.

    I find it nearly impossible to avoid some measure of narcissism and conceitedness in a society that constantly inflates the value of personal appearance. While I don’t assign blame to those who become consumed in the shallow workings of the more superficial industries, I can’t help but comment on the stark absence of amour de soi that has seemingly led these poor souls to seek amour-propre and validation from strangers who have no bearing on the quality and depth of their lives. On occasion I find myself fallen prey to validation in the eyes of others, casting aside health and longevity as intrinsic motivation to improve my fitness and instead craving the affirmation that is so rarely afforded of others, hoping wildly that my own efforts translate into stirring some envy or lust in others. This delusion extends even beyond the physical, placing false value in relative status in arenas of intelligence or finances. A society where one’s gaze lands upon your soul rather than your physique is a true gift. Enjoy the relief of living without the expectation to present anyone other than your true self to others.

    I’m, like, super-duper jealous.

    -R
  • slimgirljo15
    slimgirljo15 Posts: 269,440 Member
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    KickassAmazon76 wrote: »
    Today is a day where my mind and my heart seem to be pitted against me. I'm tired of having struggles to talk about. I'm tired of talking about them. I'm just so freaking tired.

    What I would give for a day when everything just felt like it was all going to be ok.

    Im sorry for your struggles S 😔 I do believe there will be a day come where you'll see it is all going to be ok but until then Im wishing you all the strength in the world to cope with what you're enduring.. and a big warm virtual hug 🤗
  • slimgirljo15
    slimgirljo15 Posts: 269,440 Member
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    KosmosKitten wrote: »
    Not super deep or depressing, but I was told this morning that my uncle (who cannot be vaccinated and who has COPD which makes wearing a mask difficult) ended up with Covid-19. He was hospitalized last night while my dad was visiting, which means my father is also in quarantine (he's vaccinated and wears a mask when in public).

    The doctors at the hospital seem to think they caught my uncle's progression quite early, so at least he's in the best place while it gets worse (because it will before it gets better). The fact that he only has maybe 40% or less lung capacity due to COPD, another ailment he has (that I have forgotten the name of) and Type II diabetes is very concerning.

    My dad really can't deal with more heartbreak this year.. especially not after my stepmom (his wife) passed away. So we're all really hopeful that they caught it early enough and can intervene and get him oxygen while he recovers (because he needs it). My dad is not only bummed out about that, but bummed out that he has to be housebound for two weeks to self-quarantine. He was apparently looking forward to some events and now can't attend them.

    Good news is that his paints came in today.. so he can start oil painting again. I hope it brings him some solace.

    Im hoping your uncle has a swift and full recovery 🤗
  • slimgirljo15
    slimgirljo15 Posts: 269,440 Member
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    OpheliaCooter wrote: »
    So I mentioned two of my mother’s cats dying today and she found a third dead. I no longer think it’s just nature.
    I think they’re getting into something or someone is poisoning them. Shadow was said to be “talking to himself” the week he was dying. My mom thought he went senile. She’s not the best with taking animals to the vet.
    Now I’m really worried.

    Rest in peace Zora

    Im so sorry.. 😔

    That does seem awfully suspicious , I don't think coincidence either, I hope you find out what happened.
  • ReenieHJ
    ReenieHJ Posts: 9,724 Member
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    OpheliaCooter wrote: »
    So I mentioned two of my mother’s cats dying today and she found a third dead. I no longer think it’s just nature.
    I think they’re getting into something or someone is poisoning them. Shadow was said to be “talking to himself” the week he was dying. My mom thought he went senile. She’s not the best with taking animals to the vet.
    Now I’m really worried.

    Rest in peace Zora

    Oh no :( I'm sorry to hear that; your mom must be angry and terribly sad!
  • KickassAmazon76
    KickassAmazon76 Posts: 4,562 Member
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    OpheliaCooter wrote: »
    So I mentioned two of my mother’s cats dying today and she found a third dead. I no longer think it’s just nature.
    I think they’re getting into something or someone is poisoning them. Shadow was said to be “talking to himself” the week he was dying. My mom thought he went senile. She’s not the best with taking animals to the vet.
    Now I’m really worried.

    Rest in peace Zora

    Oh your poor mom! She must be so devastated! 💔😣
  • J_NY_Z
    J_NY_Z Posts: 2,538 Member
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    OpheliaCooter wrote: »
    So I mentioned two of my mother’s cats dying today and she found a third dead. I no longer think it’s just nature.
    I think they’re getting into something or someone is poisoning them. Shadow was said to be “talking to himself” the week he was dying. My mom thought he went senile. She’s not the best with taking animals to the vet.
    Now I’m really worried.

    Rest in peace Zora

    I want your mother's address and the names of everyone around her. I will make this right. This is infuriating! Pets are off limits.
  • KosmosKitten
    KosmosKitten Posts: 10,476 Member
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    SunflowerQueen36 wrote: »
    I find it difficult to talk about serious issues IE: Mental health, Emotions... I grew up being told "you are being over dramatic" and "why do you make things so difficult" and "Just go to your room, I can't deal with you right now". As an adult I internalize. And when I feel my mood shifting, I tend to shy away and isolate, as to not be a burden or bring others down. I have Mommy issues 🤷‍♀️ I'm a work in progress.

    Do we have the same mom and I just didn't know all these years? :neutral:

    I relate... strongly.
  • SunflowerQueen36
    SunflowerQueen36 Posts: 1,272 Member
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    J_NY_Z wrote: »

    I share almost all of your experiences. I always internalize and shut down in an argument/disagreement.

    I'm sorry to hear you are familiar, It's super frustrating and it sucks. Learning how to change these behaviors is rough.. but it can be done.
    KosmosKitten wrote: »

    Do we have the same mom and I just didn't know all these years? :neutral:

    I relate... strongly.

    Anything is possible! Always wanted a sister.
    It's horrible. Sorry you experienced those things.
  • J_NY_Z
    J_NY_Z Posts: 2,538 Member
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    SunflowerQueen36 wrote: »
    J_NY_Z wrote: »

    I share almost all of your experiences. I always internalize and shut down in an argument/disagreement.

    I'm sorry to hear you are familiar, It's super frustrating and it sucks. Learning how to change these behaviors is rough.. but it can be done.
    KosmosKitten wrote: »

    Do we have the same mom and I just didn't know all these years? :neutral:

    I relate... strongly.

    Anything is possible! Always wanted a sister.
    It's horrible. Sorry you experienced those things.

    Seems like we have enough people for a support group.

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