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@KickassAmazon76 : since when are housework and cooking and all that *not* workouts? My grandma and mom never lifted DBs, but they carried water, milk, supplies for animals and they were muscular and fit.
If you're on your butt all day, yes, then you need to balance that and force in a workout or a run. But as active as your life sounds, just be kind to yourself, you desirve all the love and appreciation and understanding.
I think you're just wonderful and simply can't see it!
That is so kind of you. Thank you.
I think that housework is definitely a workout... but it's not one that energizes me, or rejuvenates me. When I am able to lift, I feel strong and powerful, and able to tackle the things that are attacking me. It reminds me that the things I think I can't do, I often can. When I stop that, I seem to forget so quickly.
I HATE dishes and cleaning. It feels like punishment to me. lol3 -
KickassAmazon76 wrote: »@KickassAmazon76 : since when are housework and cooking and all that *not* workouts? My grandma and mom never lifted DBs, but they carried water, milk, supplies for animals and they were muscular and fit.
If you're on your butt all day, yes, then you need to balance that and force in a workout or a run. But as active as your life sounds, just be kind to yourself, you desirve all the love and appreciation and understanding.
I think you're just wonderful and simply can't see it!
That is so kind of you. Thank you.
I think that housework is definitely a workout... but it's not one that energizes me, or rejuvenates me. When I am able to lift, I feel strong and powerful, and able to tackle the things that are attacking me. It reminds me that the things I think I can't do, I often can. When I stop that, I seem to forget so quickly.
I HATE dishes and cleaning. It feels like punishment to me. lol
One thing I didn't see in your to-do list was carving out time for you. I don't know where you'd find it but, dear girl, you need it as much(if not more) than anybody!! I know you have a lot on your plate, physically and emotionally and I seriously wish I could be your next door neighbor so I could help you. Can you do more to help your children do more to help you?? Things don't need to be done perfectly and obviously I don't have a clue what their current responsibilities/abilities include, but can you make a list of stuff that needs doing, then somehow delegate some of it to them?
I don't have any good answers
but you definitely need some stress-free time in your schedule. You don't want your well running dry. 6 -
KickassAmazon76 wrote: »Another vent... feel free to skip. I just need to put it somewhere.I get up at 6 - 630 to feed my 2 kittens, then go downstairs to test my diabetic cat's sugar, give her insulin and feed her. If I don't sit with her, she often doesn't eat, so I sit on the floor to have a cup of coffee and make sure she eats. I then go and change all the cat litters.
I then go and make sure my kid(s) are up and getting ready for school, get lunches and them out the door.
Then I work. I try to work through my lunch because I have to leave at 240pm to drive to get my oldest. Her school is 35 minutes from here, but by the time I get home, I've lost an hour and 40 mins. So I end up working until 6pm or later.
I haven't planned ahead, so then I'm working on dinner. We often don't eat until 7pm. Which is when Betty needs her second dose of insulin. We finish dinner and I try to get the kitchen and dining areas cleaned up. By the time all that is said and done, it is 8 or 8:30pm. At that point, I *could* go and workout. But I'm already exhausted.
By 10pm, I'm harassing my kids to be sure they have bathed, snacked and are getting ready for bed. Which they never are. We all have ADHD and if one of us is not on top of the others (i.e. me) everyone loses track of time. It's a constant harassment to get people to bed. Often 11:30 rolls around and that's when I'm saying good night to one of the kids. Except, that's when their troubles come to light. That's when they need or want to talk.
Last night my youngest had another meltdown, and didn't want me to leave his room. I sat with him in his room, with a headache so bad I was nauseous, until 2am. I crawled into my bed at 2:30, and then the kittens started playing at 5.
This is often what every work day looks like. I am lucky, INSANELY LUCKY, if I get even 5 hours of sleep - and it's not even uninterrupted. I can't get up earlier to work out. I'm stumbling tired in the morning, cannot even see straight.
By the time friday rolls around, I am so tired I'm falling asleep sitting up. Saturday and Sunday comes and my house is a mess, laundry, never ending groceries and dishes, yard work, everything... it all sits on my shoulders. And it's so heavy.
Lately the load feels so heavy that on the weekends I just want to sleep. Sometimes I go back to sleep after the cat's meds / feedings are done. The kids want to have fun and do stuff, and I'm behind. I am always behind. My house is a disaster and I can't even find the energy to get up and sweep the floor. My kitten seems to always step in his wet litter, so I'm constantly changing litter, cleaning mess.
Sometimes I look ahead, and the dreary monotony and stress seems to stretch ever forward, with no end in sight.
I know that my kids are 14 and 16, and that eventually they will grow up and things should get easier. I know that my kids should be doing more to help me. But I also know that their mental health issues, ADHD, anxiety, and (as of yet undiagnosed autism) mean that they are not able to help the way I need them to. They try, but it's not enough to keep me from feeling like I'm always one step from drowning.
I feel like I have not equipped them for adulthood. I feel like I should be doing so much more... but I also feel like I just can't do any more.
People say... find a way. If you want to work out, find a way. No room for failure. No excuses.
No excuses.
If there is no room for excuses, then how? How am I supposed to do it all?
I don’t have any good answers for you friend. But I empathize. Really I do. And I relate on many levels. I don’t look at you as “making excuses”. You are doing what you need to do to survive right now. You are taking care of yourself, your kids, your cats! You are kicking *kitten* even if it doesn’t feel like it. I really hope things can settle into a different routine so you can care for yourself the way you need to also. So important. But for now, don’t be hard on yourself. Your situation is difficult, for sure. Be gentle on yourself. It’s a rough season but I have hope for you. Hugs.You didn’t ask for advice but I would definitely look into “easy” meals. At least some nights. Crockpot, get your own, leftovers, convenience foods, cooking once for 2-3 dinners. It hugely takes the pressure off of me when that’s figured out.5 -
KickassAmazon76 wrote: »Another vent... feel free to skip. I just need to put it somewhere.I get up at 6 - 630 to feed my 2 kittens, then go downstairs to test my diabetic cat's sugar, give her insulin and feed her. If I don't sit with her, she often doesn't eat, so I sit on the floor to have a cup of coffee and make sure she eats. I then go and change all the cat litters.
I then go and make sure my kid(s) are up and getting ready for school, get lunches and them out the door.
Then I work. I try to work through my lunch because I have to leave at 240pm to drive to get my oldest. Her school is 35 minutes from here, but by the time I get home, I've lost an hour and 40 mins. So I end up working until 6pm or later.
I haven't planned ahead, so then I'm working on dinner. We often don't eat until 7pm. Which is when Betty needs her second dose of insulin. We finish dinner and I try to get the kitchen and dining areas cleaned up. By the time all that is said and done, it is 8 or 8:30pm. At that point, I *could* go and workout. But I'm already exhausted.
By 10pm, I'm harassing my kids to be sure they have bathed, snacked and are getting ready for bed. Which they never are. We all have ADHD and if one of us is not on top of the others (i.e. me) everyone loses track of time. It's a constant harassment to get people to bed. Often 11:30 rolls around and that's when I'm saying good night to one of the kids. Except, that's when their troubles come to light. That's when they need or want to talk.
Last night my youngest had another meltdown, and didn't want me to leave his room. I sat with him in his room, with a headache so bad I was nauseous, until 2am. I crawled into my bed at 2:30, and then the kittens started playing at 5.
This is often what every work day looks like. I am lucky, INSANELY LUCKY, if I get even 5 hours of sleep - and it's not even uninterrupted. I can't get up earlier to work out. I'm stumbling tired in the morning, cannot even see straight.
By the time friday rolls around, I am so tired I'm falling asleep sitting up. Saturday and Sunday comes and my house is a mess, laundry, never ending groceries and dishes, yard work, everything... it all sits on my shoulders. And it's so heavy.
Lately the load feels so heavy that on the weekends I just want to sleep. Sometimes I go back to sleep after the cat's meds / feedings are done. The kids want to have fun and do stuff, and I'm behind. I am always behind. My house is a disaster and I can't even find the energy to get up and sweep the floor. My kitten seems to always step in his wet litter, so I'm constantly changing litter, cleaning mess.
Sometimes I look ahead, and the dreary monotony and stress seems to stretch ever forward, with no end in sight.
I know that my kids are 14 and 16, and that eventually they will grow up and things should get easier. I know that my kids should be doing more to help me. But I also know that their mental health issues, ADHD, anxiety, and (as of yet undiagnosed autism) mean that they are not able to help the way I need them to. They try, but it's not enough to keep me from feeling like I'm always one step from drowning.
I feel like I have not equipped them for adulthood. I feel like I should be doing so much more... but I also feel like I just can't do any more.
People say... find a way. If you want to work out, find a way. No room for failure. No excuses.
No excuses.
If there is no room for excuses, then how? How am I supposed to do it all?
I'm going to have to agree with @ReenieHJ on this one. MAKE, not find, time for yourself to decompress some. Give the kids more to do with daily household stuff, or make it a group thing. Find ways to shave off time on something that needs to be done by interacting with them, while they help accomplish something. It's easy for us to spoil our kids while making ourselves crazy.... but to some extent making them understand "adulting" comes into play more regardless, and in your situation it will probably help.
If you can make time to decompress and relax some it can pay dividends. Don't just tread water, focus on moving forward. It's not easy at times, but sometimes slowing down and looking at the big picture can help you get there.
And to some extent, remember... kids learn from and usually long term appreciate structure. If it is part of their responsibility to at least help clean the house, learn how to do laundry, etc.... then you are killing two birds with one stone. And showing them the importance of family being a bond that is hard to break if you all look out for each other.
Will you make it to the gym? Maybe not. But you might find something you enjoy as much as the gym that you can fit in. Or maybe even find some at home exercise stuff to get a workout and involve the kids too, maybe even wear them down a little bit so everyone sleeps better.
You aren't making excuses, you are being a good parent. And it's hard to do at times. But vent whenever you want or need to.... we get it.6 -
I just now found this discussion thread. Is it too tight of a chummy club for me to join?5
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JeromeBarry1 wrote: »I just now found this discussion thread. Is it too tight of a chummy club for me to join?
Of course not.. feel free to share 🙂1 -
JeromeBarry1 wrote: »I just now found this discussion thread. Is it too tight of a chummy club for me to join?
Nope, everyone's welcome by what I've seen and read! If you need to vent/share, go for it! 2 -
JeromeBarry1 wrote: »I just now found this discussion thread. Is it too tight of a chummy club for me to join?
Everyone needs a place to lay their worries and troubles down, just to unload and/or vent so they're not adding another burden onto their family/friends. Please feel free to contribute. I think you'll find sincerity and empathy here, along with possibly others going through similar circumstances. Nothing makes a person feel more alone than thinking they're going through something difficult all by themselves.5 -
Sad but true - You really do see who your true friends are, when you stop being the one who always reaches out first.8
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I’m dealing with a lot of stuff with my chronic illnesses and trying to care for my two kids at the same time and sometimes it just gets hard. I’m so thankful that my husband is usually there to turn to for help, but it gets to me sometimes when I can’t give them a bath myself or wheel I can’t drive them to the park, most days I can literally just get them dressed and make food then sit on the floor to watch them play, other days I can get them to play with my hula hoop or have them help water my plants. A few weeks ago I fell asleep while my husband was working in the bedroom and the kids drew all over the walls. I could only clean the top half because I can’t bend over, so about 2 feet of walk from the floor up still has crayon on it. It just reminds me of what I physically can’t do rather than what I can do. I’m thankful we can both work from home though so I can always have help.11
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samcskelton wrote: »I’m dealing with a lot of stuff with my chronic illnesses and trying to care for my two kids at the same time and sometimes it just gets hard. I’m so thankful that my husband is usually there to turn to for help, but it gets to me sometimes when I can’t give them a bath myself or wheel I can’t drive them to the park, most days I can literally just get them dressed and make food then sit on the floor to watch them play, other days I can get them to play with my hula hoop or have them help water my plants. A few weeks ago I fell asleep while my husband was working in the bedroom and the kids drew all over the walls. I could only clean the top half because I can’t bend over, so about 2 feet of walk from the floor up still has crayon on it. It just reminds me of what I physically can’t do rather than what I can do. I’m thankful we can both work from home though so I can always have help.
You poured your heart on these lines. I can feel the pain while I read them. It is a real thing in your life and in the life of your family. I hope for the best for you, it seems impossible some days, like you say, but it will come. Sending lots of hugs4 -
@samcskelton
Caring for children is hard enough when a person feels healthy but suffering from chronic illnesses has got to be extra challenging. Be thankful for what you can do, especially the time you get to spend with your children. They're only going to be little for a short time.
I hope you can get some relief for your illnesses, through medical help, exercise, meds., whatever can help you. Try to be gentle with yourself; treat yourself the way you'd treat your best friend. Can you find some outside help, even just a couple hours might help? Any agencies locally that offers respite?
Good luck to you!! Wishing you well.2 -
Feeling pretty hopeless right now. Someone I am close to has been accused of abuse and I have no clue how to handle it. The person in question has never displayed abusive behaviour in the past so I am very uncertain what to do. The other problem is that said person has also gone into a depressive episode and is isolating from everyone and won't return calls or texts at the moment. I don't want to believe the accusations but I also know the person making the accusations and have so far not known them to be a liar so very confused right now. This has all come to my knowledge in the last couple of days and I am still processing.9
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Honesly I've been struggling as a dad lately, my parenting time went from a few times a week to every other weekend about a year ago and i just find myself not feeling like I'm doing a very good job. I don't know how to remedy this.12
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CaptainFantastic01 wrote: »Honesly I've been struggling as a dad lately, my parenting time went from a few times a week to every other weekend about a year ago and i just find myself not feeling like I'm doing a very good job. I don't know how to remedy this.
Some things are out of your control.. just do your best, its all you or anyone can ask of you 🤗4 -
Im just leaving this here.. on my mind today 😔
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@slimgirljo15
Such a beautiful sentiment.1 -
@slimgirljo15 if I ever get to Australia, please promise me a super long hug in person! These virtual hugs are just not cutting it. My heart needs to talk to your heart3
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Versicolour wrote: »@slimgirljo15 if I ever get to Australia, please promise me a super long hug in person! These virtual hugs are just not cutting it. My heart needs to talk to your heart
Promise 🤗
Im sorry for your families loss Nadine 😔❤1 -
slimgirljo15 wrote: »Versicolour wrote: »@slimgirljo15 if I ever get to Australia, please promise me a super long hug in person! These virtual hugs are just not cutting it. My heart needs to talk to your heart
Promise 🤗
Im sorry for your families loss Nadine 😔❤
Thank you 🤗
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