Serious/heavy/deep/real stuff

CacoEther
CacoEther Posts: 2,465 Member
in Chit-Chat
Despite the constant frivolity of chitchat, I’m confident there are many who can relate to the feeling of being driven away because their mood doesn’t match the tone here. Chit chat is FULL of funny/light/airy stuff but there’s a gaping hole where serious conversation could be.

And maybe this thread won’t carry conversation at all. Maybe it’ll just be musings. Bare ugly truths to anyone who will listen.

Cries of exhaustion and frustration.

Loneliness.

Or it might bomb entirely and sink to the bottom of the pile, but I hope not. I know I don’t like the feeling of retreating from here when things feel too heavy internally, and lord knows I’ve tried faking a better mood around here many times. Maybe it’s time to get progressive and acknowledge out loud and on paper (this is literally neither of those things but hey) that mental health is serious enough to not suppress or make light of, even in a place where seemingly nothing is off limits.

People leave here all the time because the juxtaposition between their mental state and this place is too unwieldy to manage. I’d like to see more people stay. If this thread could be the start of something helpful, I’d be thrilled.

Alright, that’s all. Participate if you will.
«134567…30

Replies

  • CacoEther
    CacoEther Posts: 2,465 Member
    slessofme wrote: »
    I have an extremely difficult time deeply connecting with people and will typically drive them away when I feel like they're getting too close to the real me, rather than the person I curate. I can't think of a single person that knows all of me. I felt very protected and safe but I've recently realized how very sad and lonely an existence it seems to be. There's some concern that I'm modeling this for my kids and they will act the same way. I'm increasingly worried that I'm too old, stubborn, and afraid to change my approach to connection.

    But why? Why do you have a hard time letting them get too close?

    Asking because you described me to a T
  • Motorsheen
    Motorsheen Posts: 20,508 Member
    I just always remember the words of Perry Farrell:

    Where the green grass grows there can't be wrong
    And goodness knows, there ain't no right!
    Ain't no wrong now, ain't no right
    Ain't no wrong now, ain't no right
    Only pleasure and pain
    Bumped my head, I'm a battering ram
    Doddamn took the pain
    Cut myself, said "So what?"
    Mother &^%$in' took the pain
    Said "So what?, " I can't be wrong
    I thought so but there ain't no right!
    Ain't no wrong now, ain't no right
    Only pleasure and pain


    alway ask yourself: "So What??"
  • Vikka_V
    Vikka_V Posts: 9,563 Member
    Motorsheen wrote: »
    Vikka_V wrote: »
    I don't let people "know" me - because then they have the ability to "hurt" me.

    I dunno.... everyone's different, however quite some time ago, I decided not to grant permission to anyone to insult me or hurt me.

    Along the same lines of thought, I only value the opinions of those people I know (usually only personally).
    Although, there are a few people, of great reputation, of whom I might trust. Very few.

    How do you keep "feelings" instantaneous "emotion" or "reaction" objective and neutral?


    I trust few too, and care about the opinions of too
  • Vikka_V
    Vikka_V Posts: 9,563 Member
    Yoshiboobs wrote: »
    I think I emotionally dump on here semi-frequently 😅. I was under the impression that most comedians are depressed. 🤔 I've been re-typing my thoughts a few times for a good chunk of time now.

    I always come back here because I'm crazy lonely and I don't know what the exact draw is because I'm never particularly close with anyone ever. I'm distant here and impossible to know in real life.
    I might appear vulnerable or open because I don't have a lot of secrets and will just tell them to anyone but it's not real emotional intimacy. I don't care if anyone reads it or responds. If I dip out or someone else does it doesn't really matter. No strings. No obligation. Just memes. 😅 It doesn't fill the void but I forget about it from time to time. Sometimes it's just nice to feel like I exist somewhere.
    I'm highly avoidant, neurotic and shut off. My brain has always been chaos from likely both nature and nurture. I wasn't raised right and I've lived my life in the hard shell of my own making. I've been compared to statues, robots and ghosts in real life because I can't even manage to act normal and fly under the radar.
    It's been really lonely except for my pets and lovers. I don't make friends. Just aquaintences. It's not the right way to be and never what I wanted. But hey, my horoscope said that my life was going to be this way 👏👏👏👏. Things are supposed to turn around later in life 😅 Had to end with some humor.

    I like you, your personality
    I like your honesty, humility and humour

    Glad youre back - and that I recognized you (I feel a bit smug that I did - you are a somewhat elusive return mfp'er - not a "HERE I AM" type!) but I recognized and remembered you and your personality quickly

    Sorry, I have nothing helpful to say

    'cept you seem to know yourself pretty well - go with that

    Your life, your way ❤
  • slimgirljo15
    slimgirljo15 Posts: 269,456 Member
    KickTheSky wrote: »
    I need an outlet. I need to be myself, creatively, around like minded people in a mostly anonymous environment. I too enjoy making people laugh (probably myself as well) using wit and subtle references to other conversations. I made a few real connections on here and many of you were there for me when I experienced some unspeakable, "real world" tragedy. However, the connections here, coupled with a new attitude towards authority and injustice, led to some exchanges that became very personal and very public on here. I've never been able to recover from that.

    There are times when I need to have this place as a positive outlet and a place of comfort and I try to come back and be a part of the group. I follow the rules, I'm respectful and I avoid talking about situations that forced me to leave this place. The most recent attempt at trying to come back to the island was the best and worst. I was 99% using this site the way it was meant to, as far as logging and tracking. I popped onto the boards and noticed a refreshing new attitude on here. I started to contribute, and share. I tried doing this as anonymously as I could, but like anywhere, the people that know you, know you and my old friends were right there for me again. I thought things were good. Keep in mind, the situation that led to my exile was many months, even years ago. I haven't engaged in that type of behavior since 2018. I stayed away for over a year. But I thought I was good this time. I was logging, and exercising, and supporting and being supported. I spoke no ill words about anyone or anything that related to my trouble here in the past. But, someone out there, in absolute silence, does not want me to be here. Does not want to let things go. Does not want me to have the outlet to share and the community of support. Keep in mind, I was pushed out for a disagreement. That's it. Nothing malicious like what was done to me. Also, there are several members here, even some of my friends, that participate openly on here in spite of being "banned" at one point or another. They've been on new accounts that are in some cases, older than the ones they had when they got the boot. People that were banned for some pretty vile acts and going down in flames "rage quits" that could make a sailor blush. But, they're still here, free to roam, and I get the door continuously slammed in my face because there is still someone that secretly doesn't like me, whether it's someone that reports who I am or an admin themselves.

    I've done my time. Time that far exceeded the crime. I've followed the rules. I'm a much better contributor and supporter now then I ever was. However, I'm the fall guy in some neverending, passive aggressive grudge that makes no sense at all.

    So, quote this a couple of times, so it stays around even after the inevitable happens and someone feels better about something and deletes my entire account, food diary, fitness goals, emotional support, and everything else that comes with it.

    I love you guys and I really wish I could stay. If the off chance it is just a single person that finds pleasure in seeing me gone, please have a heart. I don't know who you are and I don't interact with you intentionally. I consciously don't bring up specifics when it comes to people and situations that may have occurred because whatever it is that you think I'm about, I'm over it. I just want to move forward. I want to be healthy again and be able to play with my friends along the way. That's all. I'm not here to stick it to anyone, or defy authority. I just want a chance and I just want to be me.

    Im sorry to see you go 😔
  • Versicolour
    Versicolour Posts: 7,164 Member
    KickTheSky wrote: »
    I need an outlet. I need to be myself, creatively, around like minded people in a mostly anonymous environment. I too enjoy making people laugh (probably myself as well) using wit and subtle references to other conversations. I made a few real connections on here and many of you were there for me when I experienced some unspeakable, "real world" tragedy. However, the connections here, coupled with a new attitude towards authority and injustice, led to some exchanges that became very personal and very public on here. I've never been able to recover from that.

    There are times when I need to have this place as a positive outlet and a place of comfort and I try to come back and be a part of the group. I follow the rules, I'm respectful and I avoid talking about situations that forced me to leave this place. The most recent attempt at trying to come back to the island was the best and worst. I was 99% using this site the way it was meant to, as far as logging and tracking. I popped onto the boards and noticed a refreshing new attitude on here. I started to contribute, and share. I tried doing this as anonymously as I could, but like anywhere, the people that know you, know you and my old friends were right there for me again. I thought things were good. Keep in mind, the situation that led to my exile was many months, even years ago. I haven't engaged in that type of behavior since 2018. I stayed away for over a year. But I thought I was good this time. I was logging, and exercising, and supporting and being supported. I spoke no ill words about anyone or anything that related to my trouble here in the past. But, someone out there, in absolute silence, does not want me to be here. Does not want to let things go. Does not want me to have the outlet to share and the community of support. Keep in mind, I was pushed out for a disagreement. That's it. Nothing malicious like what was done to me. Also, there are several members here, even some of my friends, that participate openly on here in spite of being "banned" at one point or another. They've been on new accounts that are in some cases, older than the ones they had when they got the boot. People that were banned for some pretty vile acts and going down in flames "rage quits" that could make a sailor blush. But, they're still here, free to roam, and I get the door continuously slammed in my face because there is still someone that secretly doesn't like me, whether it's someone that reports who I am or an admin themselves.

    I've done my time. Time that far exceeded the crime. I've followed the rules. I'm a much better contributor and supporter now then I ever was. However, I'm the fall guy in some neverending, passive aggressive grudge that makes no sense at all.

    So, quote this a couple of times, so it stays around even after the inevitable happens and someone feels better about something and deletes my entire account, food diary, fitness goals, emotional support, and everything else that comes with it.

    I love you guys and I really wish I could stay. If the off chance it is just a single person that finds pleasure in seeing me gone, please have a heart. I don't know who you are and I don't interact with you intentionally. I consciously don't bring up specifics when it comes to people and situations that may have occurred because whatever it is that you think I'm about, I'm over it. I just want to move forward. I want to be healthy again and be able to play with my friends along the way. That's all. I'm not here to stick it to anyone, or defy authority. I just want a chance and I just want to be me.

    Biggest of hugs! 🤗🤗🤗🤗
    I don't want you to go. I've really enjoyed having you back. I really hope you are here for a long time
  • Vikka_V
    Vikka_V Posts: 9,563 Member
    toriann319 wrote: »
    I have always been shy in person, but very “out there” online. To be able to just randomly start talking to someone in person, I’d pass out before I even got the chance to say “hello”.
    I’ve ALWAYS used humor, wit and a hellacious sense of humor as my wingman, my escape, a cover-up. I’d be lying if I said I’ve lived a hard life, because I haven’t. I’ve just simply made it hard on myself by letting my anxiety take over who I really think I could be. In all actuality, I’m a simple southern girl with social and obsessive anxiety, depression, ODC, germophobia and wear my heart on my sleeve while still building walls around my emotions. An entire disaster, if you ask me. 😂

    Honestly, this place has made me overcome a few fears, as crazy as that sounds. When I first started, I wanted to make friends, but I didn’t want to talk to anyone first. I could never be the first to start a conversation. Even if it meant simply typing out a few words, my mind would be overflowing with a thousand questions; “What if they don’t reply?” “What if it’s annoying to just immediately start talking to them?” “Should I say something funny or just introduce myself?” “What if I say something to offend them because it was just funny to me?” “Is this too much to say in one message?”... and the list goes on. Eventually I psych myself out and just wait for someone to talk to me first, no matter how much I am dying to know everything about them. Here, I’ve learned that people are here to support one another, to interact with one another, and to bring out the positive and best in all situations. I’ve never had a close knit family so the “family” I have gained here is absolutely amazing. I’ve slowly realized that it’s okay to comment on every one of their posts to spread a positive word and support them reaching for their goals, it’s okay to message someone every day to ask how their day is going because you truly care, it’s okay to continue asking questions to keep a conversation alive for days, even weeks, because the interaction is what keeps us accountable and motivated. No one has ever made me feel annoying for checking in daily, no one has ever made me feel out of place for participating in forum shenanigans, no one has ever made me feel like I’ve completely inconvenienced their day by saying hello.

    I saw where someone stated that she doesn’t let anyone get to know her, because she feels that once they know her, they can hurt her... and that statement hit different because I know. I completely understand. I’ve always been one on a search to find “needy” people, to find people who need help, who need a shoulder, ear or piece of advice. I’ve always been a sucker for someone who opens up to me and tells me everything about them, right down to the roots. I, however, have never let anyone who’s like-minded, find me, probably the most needy one in the bunch. 😂

    It’s great to find people who can relate to you, it oftentimes makes you feel less alone in the world, even if they may be on the complete opposite side of it. 😉 All I know is that I’ve made relationships and connections with people here that I hope last a while. I’m alone more than I am with anyone else, so having that conversation about your day, or about who you are, or being able to dive in to someone else’s interests makes it that much easier to make the time well spent, move along faster. 🥰

    I like you! I hope you stay around

Categories