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GymGoddessGoals wrote: »I'm always in pain. ALWAYS. And while it is better now that I have maintained my weight loss, continue with my fitness/therapies and manage a balanced food plan; I am still in a lot of pain. Sometimes I really would like to take pain medication (other than OTC meds) because some days it is honestly more than I can handle. Today is one of those days. I would love to go home, bomb myself outta my mind with a pain med and just lay in bed with ice packs just crying. Today I feel like giving up.
You are a constant source of inspiration
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Mr_Healthy_Habits wrote: »I have to go back and spend some more time reading through this... But I think very highly of all you people whom I've never even met...
As for myself... I came to a realization over the last night... I often feel guilty coming here... Like I should be doing more with my life, I'm wasting time that could be used in other pursuits... It's a vise, like sweets to someone who could be on a healthier path... I'm too old for this...
But you know what... Wgaf...
I've worked my *kitten* off to get where I am and I'm not trying to brag but I don't ever have to do anything else in life but show up to work every day at a job I love with coworkers I enjoy... I'm not rich by any means, and I have to come to work every day, but I'm set for the rest of my life here... I couldn't ask for any more out of life...
So what I'm saying is... If I want to come in here and dick around for a while everyday... So what, I think I've earned the right to do so...
Some people have their video games... I just enjoy you guys a lot more 💕...
100%
I don't watch tv (except at work) and we long-timers here have a good social bond, which is healthy and good for some of us. It is mentally engaging
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GymGoddessGoals wrote: »I'm always in pain. ALWAYS. And while it is better now that I have maintained my weight loss, continue with my fitness/therapies and manage a balanced food plan; I am still in a lot of pain. Sometimes I really would like to take pain medication (other than OTC meds) because some days it is honestly more than I can handle. Today is one of those days. I would love to go home, bomb myself outta my mind with a pain med and just lay in bed with ice packs just crying. Today I feel like giving up.
I love you!2 -
Even if I'm 4 months in remission. Every day I feel like this, like something is pressing up against the back of my head as someone whispers in my ear.
"Sssshhhhh.... don't turn around. Just listen. I am holding a gun against the back of your head. I'm going to keep it there. I'm going to follow you around like this every day, for the rest of your life."
"I'm going to press a bit harder, every so often, just to remind you I'm here, but you need to try your best to ignore me, to move on with your life. Act like I'm not here, but don't you ever forget... one day I may just pull the trigger... or maybe I won't.
I have kind of learned to live with this the best way I can by living my best life everyday. Some days are just harder than others. Thankfully I've had really great days for a few months now.
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My daughter tried to commit suicide a few years ago. My heart hasn't healed from that. The blame that I carry within me is unbearable at times. She's doing good now. She's beautiful, smart, witty, unfiltered.... I often sit and thank god for giving me the opportunity to still be her mom and see her grow into he beautiful woman that's she's growing into.34
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KickTheSky wrote: »KickTheSky wrote: »I need an outlet. I need to be myself, creatively, around like minded people in a mostly anonymous environment. I too enjoy making people laugh (probably myself as well) using wit and subtle references to other conversations. I made a few real connections on here and many of you were there for me when I experienced some unspeakable, "real world" tragedy. However, the connections here, coupled with a new attitude towards authority and injustice, led to some exchanges that became very personal and very public on here. I've never been able to recover from that.
There are times when I need to have this place as a positive outlet and a place of comfort and I try to come back and be a part of the group. I follow the rules, I'm respectful and I avoid talking about situations that forced me to leave this place. The most recent attempt at trying to come back to the island was the best and worst. I was 99% using this site the way it was meant to, as far as logging and tracking. I popped onto the boards and noticed a refreshing new attitude on here. I started to contribute, and share. I tried doing this as anonymously as I could, but like anywhere, the people that know you, know you and my old friends were right there for me again. I thought things were good. Keep in mind, the situation that led to my exile was many months, even years ago. I haven't engaged in that type of behavior since 2018. I stayed away for over a year. But I thought I was good this time. I was logging, and exercising, and supporting and being supported. I spoke no ill words about anyone or anything that related to my trouble here in the past. But, someone out there, in absolute silence, does not want me to be here. Does not want to let things go. Does not want me to have the outlet to share and the community of support. Keep in mind, I was pushed out for a disagreement. That's it. Nothing malicious like what was done to me. Also, there are several members here, even some of my friends, that participate openly on here in spite of being "banned" at one point or another. They've been on new accounts that are in some cases, older than the ones they had when they got the boot. People that were banned for some pretty vile acts and going down in flames "rage quits" that could make a sailor blush. But, they're still here, free to roam, and I get the door continuously slammed in my face because there is still someone that secretly doesn't like me, whether it's someone that reports who I am or an admin themselves.
I've done my time. Time that far exceeded the crime. I've followed the rules. I'm a much better contributor and supporter now then I ever was. However, I'm the fall guy in some neverending, passive aggressive grudge that makes no sense at all.
So, quote this a couple of times, so it stays around even after the inevitable happens and someone feels better about something and deletes my entire account, food diary, fitness goals, emotional support, and everything else that comes with it.
I love you guys and I really wish I could stay. If the off chance it is just a single person that finds pleasure in seeing me gone, please have a heart. I don't know who you are and I don't interact with you intentionally. I consciously don't bring up specifics when it comes to people and situations that may have occurred because whatever it is that you think I'm about, I'm over it. I just want to move forward. I want to be healthy again and be able to play with my friends along the way. That's all. I'm not here to stick it to anyone, or defy authority. I just want a chance and I just want to be me.
...and this isn't me airing grievances with any particular staff or mods. It's just part of the story and is what it is. That's all in the past and I can't change it, but it's part of the story of why I can't be here, so I mentioned it. If I had to do it over again, I'd let most of it go. I wouldn't try and publicly argue and show up the mods. I could've gone about it much different and still had the chance to make my point within the boundaries of the rules.
Big hugs to you!!!3 -
r3d_butt3rfly_ wrote: »My daughter tried to commit suicide a few years ago. My heart hasn't healed from that. The blame that I carry within me is unbearable at times. She's doing good now. She's beautiful, smart, witty, unfiltered.... I often sit and thank god for giving me the opportunity to still be her mom and see her grow into he beautiful woman that's she's growing into.
oh no 💔💔💔 my best friend has tried twice this year and it’s breaking my heart and i dont know how to help. i cant imagine if it was one of my kids. i’m so sorry for your mama heart but happy to hear her spirit is stronger now ♥️4 -
I want to give all of you big hugs, after reading your personal feelings and being allowed into your thoughts a little bit more.
So much floating around in my simple brain right now.
But just wanted to say that I'm grateful I'm here because many of you have become a part of my daily life. 
4 -
Ooof. You all have me in the upper tier of my emo feelings with this thread today.
Both for empathy with each of you as well as for myself. Hugs all around!
Despite my best efforts, no physician wants to Dx me with anything so I have nothing to share with you other than the definitive fact I'm comfortably introverted and somewhat awkward AF, I guess.
The thing with forums like this is that you can either be your authentic self or try on personas. Heck, you can even switch between the two on a whim if you want. I've been - what I'd like to imagine - is authentic here even though I don't often share pictures and always cover my part of my face in my PPs. That means I've been more vulnerable and open here than I am IRL.
I've been everything from extremely triggered by someone (twice) to genuinely but perhaps too publicly being in "The Throes" over someone (and just that one person). All since January lol
I say all this to say if I've offended anyone then I'm sorry. We all have our stuff to deal with in 2020 and deserve an extra dose of compassion and, sometimes, space.
Putting on my ACTUAL rose-colored glasses back on. I bought 'em for a reason lol6 -
Ooof. You all have me in the upper tier of my emo feelings with this thread today.
Both for empathy with each of you as well as for myself. Hugs all around!
Despite my best efforts, no physician wants to Dx me with anything so I have nothing to share with you other than the definitive fact I'm comfortably introverted and somewhat awkward AF, I guess.
The thing with forums like this is that you can either be your authentic self or try on personas. Heck, you can even switch between the two on a whim if you want. I've been - what I'd like to imagine - is authentic here even though I don't often share pictures and always cover my part of my face in my PPs. That means I've been more vulnerable and open here than I am IRL.
I've been everything from extremely triggered by someone (twice) to genuinely but perhaps too publicly being in "The Throes" over someone (and just that one person). All since January lol
I say all this to say if I've offended anyone then I'm sorry. We all have our stuff to deal with in 2020 and deserve an extra dose of compassion and, sometimes, space.
Putting on my ACTUAL rose-colored glasses back on. I bought 'em for a reason lol
I really like you. You have a great vibe1 -
Ooof. You all have me in the upper tier of my emo feelings with this thread today.
Both for empathy with each of you as well as for myself. Hugs all around!
Despite my best efforts, no physician wants to Dx me with anything so I have nothing to share with you other than the definitive fact I'm comfortably introverted and somewhat awkward AF, I guess.
The thing with forums like this is that you can either be your authentic self or try on personas. Heck, you can even switch between the two on a whim if you want. I've been - what I'd like to imagine - is authentic here even though I don't often share pictures and always cover my part of my face in my PPs. That means I've been more vulnerable and open here than I am IRL.
I've been everything from extremely triggered by someone (twice) to genuinely but perhaps too publicly being in "The Throes" over someone (and just that one person). All since January lol
I say all this to say if I've offended anyone then I'm sorry. We all have our stuff to deal with in 2020 and deserve an extra dose of compassion and, sometimes, space.
Putting on my ACTUAL rose-colored glasses back on. I bought 'em for a reason lol
I really like you too. I love to read your posts. They are always well thought out and worded. You have made me laugh so many times.1 -
Ooof. You all have me in the upper tier of my emo feelings with this thread today.
Both for empathy with each of you as well as for myself. Hugs all around!
Despite my best efforts, no physician wants to Dx me with anything so I have nothing to share with you other than the definitive fact I'm comfortably introverted and somewhat awkward AF, I guess.
The thing with forums like this is that you can either be your authentic self or try on personas. Heck, you can even switch between the two on a whim if you want. I've been - what I'd like to imagine - is authentic here even though I don't often share pictures and always cover my part of my face in my PPs. That means I've been more vulnerable and open here than I am IRL.
I've been everything from extremely triggered by someone (twice) to genuinely but perhaps too publicly being in "The Throes" over someone (and just that one person). All since January lol
I say all this to say if I've offended anyone then I'm sorry. We all have our stuff to deal with in 2020 and deserve an extra dose of compassion and, sometimes, space.
Putting on my ACTUAL rose-colored glasses back on. I bought 'em for a reason lol
Personally I find you to be an utter delight1 -
Allow me to share a few thoughts on sadness, that I've learned from audiobooks... Please feel free to tldr me, or throw your lunch at me and say "Stfu Jesse!"
But sadness... Is human nature, something that we are born to feel, it's an inherent trait that has developed in us through evolution...
When you feel sad, you are more creative, more generous and more willing to help others... It's our ability to feel sad that allows and compels us to help one another... Without sadness, we simply would not have survived as a species... Those who were able to feel sadness have survived the evolutionary battle over those who could not...
This being said its important to remember that we are just stardust being manipulated by the forces of nature... Yeah ego makes us thinks we are more in control then we are and maybe we are in control, or rather the universe is in control through you...
We often learn to hold on to things and judge every moment as good or bad and project what we want the next moment to be or not be, based on these past preferences rather than looking at the moment we have in front of us and appreciating it for what it is...
I believe it was the Buddah who said "Desire is the cause of all suffering"...
I don't mean to be insensitive or anything, all of your stories are rather heartbreaking and bless you lot for sharing your life... It's given me perspective..
I guess the universe has compelled me to say these things...9 -
Mr_Healthy_Habits wrote: »Allow me to share a few thoughts on sadness, that I've learned from audiobooks... Please feel free to tldr me, or throw your lunch at me and say "Stfu Jesse!"
But sadness... Is human nature, something that we are born to feel, it's an inherent trait that has developed in us through evolution...
When you feel sad, you are more creative, more generous and more willing to help others... It's our ability to feel sad that allows and compels us to help one another... Without sadness, we simply would not have survived as a species... Those who were able to feel sadness have survived the evolutionary battle over those who could not...
This being said its important to remember that we are just stardust being manipulated by the forces of nature... Yeah ego makes us thinks we are more in control then we are and maybe we are in control, or rather the universe is in control through you...
We often learn to hold on to things and judge every moment as good or bad and project what we want the next moment to be or not be, based on these past preferences rather than looking at the moment we have in front of us and appreciating it for what it is...
I believe it was the Buddah who said "Desire is the cause of all suffering"...
I don't mean to be insensitive or anything, all of your stories are rather heartbreaking and bless you lot for sharing your life... It's given me perspective..
I guess the universe has compelled me to say these things...
scrolled all the way to the bottom of this only to be met with raging disappointment.
Thats not how that works!5 -
_DisasterDoll_ wrote: »Mr_Healthy_Habits wrote: »Allow me to share a few thoughts on sadness, that I've learned from audiobooks... Please feel free to tldr me, or throw your lunch at me and say "Stfu Jesse!"
But sadness... Is human nature, something that we are born to feel, it's an inherent trait that has developed in us through evolution...
When you feel sad, you are more creative, more generous and more willing to help others... It's our ability to feel sad that allows and compels us to help one another... Without sadness, we simply would not have survived as a species... Those who were able to feel sadness have survived the evolutionary battle over those who could not...
This being said its important to remember that we are just stardust being manipulated by the forces of nature... Yeah ego makes us thinks we are more in control then we are and maybe we are in control, or rather the universe is in control through you...
We often learn to hold on to things and judge every moment as good or bad and project what we want the next moment to be or not be, based on these past preferences rather than looking at the moment we have in front of us and appreciating it for what it is...
I believe it was the Buddah who said "Desire is the cause of all suffering"...
I don't mean to be insensitive or anything, all of your stories are rather heartbreaking and bless you lot for sharing your life... It's given me perspective..
I guess the universe has compelled me to say these things...
scrolled all the way to the bottom of this only to be met with raging disappointment.
Thats not how that works!
Story of my life... 😑3 -
Mr_Healthy_Habits wrote: »Allow me to share a few thoughts on sadness, that I've learned from audiobooks... Please feel free to tldr me, or throw your lunch at me and say "Stfu Jesse!"
But sadness... Is human nature, something that we are born to feel, it's an inherent trait that has developed in us through evolution...
When you feel sad, you are more creative, more generous and more willing to help others... It's our ability to feel sad that allows and compels us to help one another... Without sadness, we simply would not have survived as a species... Those who were able to feel sadness have survived the evolutionary battle over those who could not...
This being said its important to remember that we are just stardust being manipulated by the forces of nature... Yeah ego makes us thinks we are more in control then we are and maybe we are in control, or rather the universe is in control through you...
We often learn to hold on to things and judge every moment as good or bad and project what we want the next moment to be or not be, based on these past preferences rather than looking at the moment we have in front of us and appreciating it for what it is...
I believe it was the Buddah who said "Desire is the cause of all suffering"...
I don't mean to be insensitive or anything, all of your stories are rather heartbreaking and bless you lot for sharing your life... It's given me perspective..
I guess the universe has compelled me to say these things...
FWIW ... Sadness ≠ Depression5 -
Miss_Chiev0us wrote: »Even if I'm 4 months in remission. Every day I feel like this, like something is pressing up against the back of my head as someone whispers in my ear.
"Sssshhhhh.... don't turn around. Just listen. I am holding a gun against the back of your head. I'm going to keep it there. I'm going to follow you around like this every day, for the rest of your life."
"I'm going to press a bit harder, every so often, just to remind you I'm here, but you need to try your best to ignore me, to move on with your life. Act like I'm not here, but don't you ever forget... one day I may just pull the trigger... or maybe I won't.
I have kind of learned to live with this the best way I can by living my best life everyday. Some days are just harder than others. Thankfully I've had really great days for a few months now.
This is so vivid it made me shiver. Very well said.2 -
mfp hurts me sometimes b/c of the (potential) transient nature and "ability"?
You know what I mean- one day they are here, one day gone potential
...I'm getting better, 3 years in
But those people who say "its not real life" I dont get it, and it hurts me a bit...everything we do is "real life"...so even if it's "not in person" its still real life, and its how we choose to spend our time (so its important)
...IM IMPORTANT ('case you missed the lead up!)
Yes, you are. 🤗😙❤2 -
GymGoddessGoals wrote: »I'm always in pain. ALWAYS. And while it is better now that I have maintained my weight loss, continue with my fitness/therapies and manage a balanced food plan; I am still in a lot of pain. Sometimes I really would like to take pain medication (other than OTC meds) because some days it is honestly more than I can handle. Today is one of those days. I would love to go home, bomb myself outta my mind with a pain med and just lay in bed with ice packs just crying. Today I feel like giving up.
you're a strong lady I, and I'm sure many others, admire. You are simply put, motivating.1 -
This thread is what I want. I want to her people's stories, where they come from and how they get to where they are. Sure the fluff is fun sometimes but it isn't worth a hill of beans compared to who we are really and the pain we have. Excellent thread.8
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