Serious/heavy/deep/real stuff
Despite the constant frivolity of chitchat, I’m confident there are many who can relate to the feeling of being driven away because their mood doesn’t match the tone here. Chit chat is FULL of funny/light/airy stuff but there’s a gaping hole where serious conversation could be.
And maybe this thread won’t carry conversation at all. Maybe it’ll just be musings. Bare ugly truths to anyone who will listen.
Cries of exhaustion and frustration.
Loneliness.
Or it might bomb entirely and sink to the bottom of the pile, but I hope not. I know I don’t like the feeling of retreating from here when things feel too heavy internally, and lord knows I’ve tried faking a better mood around here many times. Maybe it’s time to get progressive and acknowledge out loud and on paper (this is literally neither of those things but hey) that mental health is serious enough to not suppress or make light of, even in a place where seemingly nothing is off limits.
People leave here all the time because the juxtaposition between their mental state and this place is too unwieldy to manage. I’d like to see more people stay. If this thread could be the start of something helpful, I’d be thrilled.
Alright, that’s all. Participate if you will.
And maybe this thread won’t carry conversation at all. Maybe it’ll just be musings. Bare ugly truths to anyone who will listen.
Cries of exhaustion and frustration.
Loneliness.
Or it might bomb entirely and sink to the bottom of the pile, but I hope not. I know I don’t like the feeling of retreating from here when things feel too heavy internally, and lord knows I’ve tried faking a better mood around here many times. Maybe it’s time to get progressive and acknowledge out loud and on paper (this is literally neither of those things but hey) that mental health is serious enough to not suppress or make light of, even in a place where seemingly nothing is off limits.
People leave here all the time because the juxtaposition between their mental state and this place is too unwieldy to manage. I’d like to see more people stay. If this thread could be the start of something helpful, I’d be thrilled.
Alright, that’s all. Participate if you will.
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Replies
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I realized today that I feel safe joking around constantly because jokes are MEANT to be shared with someone else. But when it comes to sharing something real about myself, I struggle to do so because I feel like I need to apologize for talking about myself. I don’t really understand yet how to apply this knowledge but I’m thankful to have learned it29
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I've had issues with crippling depression for years now. always will i think. but i like trying to make folks laugh as much as i can in the hope it helps them somehow win their own battles.
but usually twice a year around November and march it gets especially awful for me and there's not much that can be done for it. i just try to stay busy then and get outdoors as much as i can.37 -
I live with two other people.
Between the three of us, we cope with: Autism, ADHD, bipolar disorder, borderline personality disorder, complex PTSD, Dissociative Identity Disorder, major depressive disorder, and generalized anxiety disorder. Oh, and all the issues that go with chronic pain.
I don't often say on the main threads "Well, the morning got derailed by my girlfriend having memories of what happened when she was a kid rise up over someone not listening to her say no online, and I couldn't go on the errand I planned because one of my boyfriend's alters heard that, remembered what happened to him and, well, now he can't go because he has a six year old girl screaming at the top of her lungs in his head, and I'm dealing with my own stress because I forgot my morning meds and the dishes aren't done because neither of them can do them and my feet are flaring so badly due to the storm front going through that I can hardly walk."
But that sort of thing happens a lot around here. I still find the site valuable and useful to help me keep my eyes on the prize, but yeah, the relentless happy happy gets to me sometimes.
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I've had issues with crippling depression for years now. always will i think. but i like trying to make folks laugh as much as i can in the hope it helps them somehow win their own battles.
but usually twice a year around November and march it gets especially awful for me and there's not much that can be done for it. i just try to stay busy then and get outdoors as much as i can.
I think humor is a widely overlooked balm for the soul. Where others might instinctively offer comfort and empathy, I feel like all I have in my storehouse is levity. I am afraid sometimes of how vapid I must come off just making jokes all the time but it’s such a great feeling to lift someone’s spirits, even if only fleetingly, that it becomes something of an addiction. And maybe it’s only my own spirits being lifted in the first place but i hope not14 -
i cant get into my stuff on here, but i can m empathize. i kinda assume most people i see regularly on here are bonded by some struggle and the interaction and jokes help.
anyways i had a hard night after a hard day. i’m trying to keep a bunny alive that really seems bent on dying all the time. i keep thinking she’s out of the woods and then something else comes up and it rattled my nerves so bad.19 -
Thanks for starting this thread! I think it's really important. I'm kinda new to the forums and I guess since I've been WFH I'm finding it a new way to be social and make friends,. I am not ready to share just yet (I'm a processor and thinker and well...sharing my feelings is something very difficult for me - yet the anonymity on MFP kind of makes it easier) but I wanted to thank you for being brave enough to start this. It's made me realise I need to do some reflection and sorting out what's in my head and listen to what's in my heart/gut (besides the Ben and Jerry's that I logged).
And thank you to everyone else who has shared! It's comforting to know in a world so big we can share the deep/heavy/real stuff and be brought a little (virtually) closer. I do agree with the idea that jokes and lightness help and somehow bond people. Rock on folks, you are stronger than you seem (as Winnie the Pooh said).15 -
I have an extremely difficult time deeply connecting with people and will typically drive them away when I feel like they're getting too close to the real me, rather than the person I curate. I can't think of a single person that knows all of me. I felt very protected and safe but I've recently realized how very sad and lonely an existence it seems to be. There's some concern that I'm modeling this for my kids and they will act the same way. I'm increasingly worried that I'm too old, stubborn, and afraid to change my approach to connection.18
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I have an extremely difficult time deeply connecting with people and will typically drive them away when I feel like they're getting too close to the real me, rather than the person I curate. I can't think of a single person that knows all of me. I felt very protected and safe but I've recently realized how very sad and lonely an existence it seems to be. There's some concern that I'm modeling this for my kids and they will act the same way. I'm increasingly worried that I'm too old, stubborn, and afraid to change my approach to connection.
But why? Why do you have a hard time letting them get too close?
Asking because you described me to a T1 -
@hrichts i have to admit that you are so irreverent all the time that I thought you were joking again! I’m actually stoked that this thread has taken on a serious tone.
I actually identify with the use of humor to gloss over how much something hurts me. I like taking away the sting and seriousness By making it no big deal. It’s a coping mechanism and each person deals in their own way so I’m not angry when someone makes a joke about a serious topic. I actually like it. Not dealing is how I deal. Over thinking it, giving way too much value to it by psycho analyzing it, is not my thing, though I am very happy to listen when it is someone else’s thing!10 -
I've had issues with crippling depression for years now. always will i think. but i like trying to make folks laugh as much as i can in the hope it helps them somehow win their own battles.
but usually twice a year around November and march it gets especially awful for me and there's not much that can be done for it. i just try to stay busy then and get outdoors as much as i can.
I ❤️ You. And always think about you come fall... true story.sweet_ermengarde wrote: »i cant get into my stuff on here, but i can m empathize. i kinda assume most people i see regularly on here are bonded by some struggle and the interaction and jokes help.
anyways i had a hard night after a hard day. i’m trying to keep a bunny alive that really seems bent on dying all the time. i keep thinking she’s out of the woods and then something else comes up and it rattled my nerves so bad.
And- I ❤️ You. I am sending all my good vibes to the bunny- AND you.6 -
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I have an extremely difficult time deeply connecting with people and will typically drive them away when I feel like they're getting too close to the real me, rather than the person I curate. I can't think of a single person that knows all of me. I felt very protected and safe but I've recently realized how very sad and lonely an existence it seems to be. There's some concern that I'm modeling this for my kids and they will act the same way. I'm increasingly worried that I'm too old, stubborn, and afraid to change my approach to connection.
But why? Why do you have a hard time letting them get too close?
Asking because you described me to a T
I don't think that my authentic self would be acceptable to others. Pretty much a crippling sense of inadequacy8 -
I just always remember the words of Perry Farrell:
Where the green grass grows there can't be wrong
And goodness knows, there ain't no right!
Ain't no wrong now, ain't no right
Ain't no wrong now, ain't no right
Only pleasure and pain
Bumped my head, I'm a battering ram
Doddamn took the pain
Cut myself, said "So what?"
Mother &^%$in' took the pain
Said "So what?, " I can't be wrong
I thought so but there ain't no right!
Ain't no wrong now, ain't no right
Only pleasure and pain
alway ask yourself: "So What??"3 -
sweet_ermengarde wrote: »i cant get into my stuff on here, but i can m empathize. i kinda assume most people i see regularly on here are bonded by some struggle and the interaction and jokes help.
anyways i had a hard night after a hard day. i’m trying to keep a bunny alive that really seems bent on dying all the time. i keep thinking she’s out of the woods and then something else comes up and it rattled my nerves so bad.
Bunnies are super fragile, like they get hurt and often just 'lay down and die'.
...from my many years of clinic experience.
Know you are doing the best for her - and good on you❤!6 -
I don't let people "know" me - because then they have the ability to "hurt" me.
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I don't let people "know" me - because then they have the ability to "hurt" me.
I dunno.... everyone's different, however quite some time ago, I decided not to grant permission to anyone to insult me or hurt me.
Along the same lines of thought, I only value the opinions of those people I know (usually only personally).
Although, there are a few people, of great reputation, of whom I might trust. Very few.6 -
Motorsheen wrote: »I don't let people "know" me - because then they have the ability to "hurt" me.
I dunno.... everyone's different, however quite some time ago, I decided not to grant permission to anyone to insult me or hurt me.
Along the same lines of thought, I only value the opinions of those people I know (usually only personally).
Although, there are a few people, of great reputation, of whom I might trust. Very few.
How do you keep "feelings" instantaneous "emotion" or "reaction" objective and neutral?
I trust few too, and care about the opinions of too2 -
I think I emotionally dump on here semi-frequently 😅. I was under the impression that most comedians are depressed. 🤔 I've been re-typing my thoughts a few times for a good chunk of time now.
I always come back here because I'm crazy lonely and I don't know what the exact draw is because I'm never particularly close with anyone ever. I'm distant here and impossible to know in real life.
I might appear vulnerable or open because I don't have a lot of secrets and will just tell them to anyone but it's not real emotional intimacy. I don't care if anyone reads it or responds. If I dip out or someone else does it doesn't really matter. No strings. No obligation. Just memes. 😅 It doesn't fill the void but I forget about it from time to time. Sometimes it's just nice to feel like I exist somewhere.
I'm highly avoidant, neurotic and shut off. My brain has always been chaos from likely both nature and nurture. I wasn't raised right and I've lived my life in the hard shell of my own making. I've been compared to statues, robots and ghosts in real life because I can't even manage to act normal and fly under the radar.
It's been really lonely except for my pets and lovers. I don't make friends. Just aquaintences. It's not the right way to be and never what I wanted. But hey, my horoscope said that my life was going to be this way 👏👏👏👏. Things are supposed to turn around later in life 😅 Had to end with some humor.12 -
I'm just a country girl who lives out in the middle of somewhere that's really quite beautiful. I take care of my older folkaronies and they need me right now. I need this place because it keeps me company and fills my days with connection. Connection matters.
I'm happy to be here. No one in my circle really gives a rat's @$$ about any of this but I care. I care. We'll probably never cross paths but this place, it really does get under your skin. See you tomorrow. So long now.7 -
I don't let people "know" me - because then they have the ability to "hurt" me.
Yeah I feel you. But at the same time I also think it has cost me potential frienships and partners...its like this Catch 22...I let them in and they understand, empathize or they just see me as damaged or something...which is a shame because that means they would never really accept the real "you".... at least you can find some solace that it was never meant to be. But then if I go all stoic-like there's the risk of being distant and cold...I mean there is a middle ground somewhere to be found but its elusive.
I think I'm a pessimistic person at my core...I dont know if its because of a couple of tragedies (don't want to be too specific) or its just how my brain is hardwired... but at the same time I see how it is irrational to be that way. Being that happiness, at least to some extent is a choice.... there's a bazillion books on positive psychology that could describe this better than I ever could.Yoshiboobs wrote: »I was under the impression that most comedians are depressed. .
Humour is a great defense/coping mechanism.
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