How do I support husband wanting to lose weight

My husband says he wants to lose weight he says he needs to spend more time exercising
I want to support him in any way I can but I know a little bit about weight loss and I know that while exercising is beneficial to health it's really what he's eating that matters
He can spend all day exercising but if he eats a whole pizza it probably cancels out for instance
What ways can I help him?
When he grocery shops he never brings home healthy stuff he brings home junk food like chips pop tarts cookies nuggets ect
We have different schedules so alot of time I'm sleeping when he gets home
I think his portion control is out of control
If he buys us pizza I've been trying to limit to one piece but he eats a whole pizza
If I cook something I think will leave leftovers there usually isn't any...
How can I help him with this? He asked but I don't know how much help he's asking for...
«13

Replies

  • nanastaci2020
    nanastaci2020 Posts: 1,072 Member
    This has to be 99% on him.

    You can support him by not bringing in foods that you know will be triggers for him. Perhaps when you're making a meal, either make enough that you don't expect there to be leftovers OR package up the leftovers rather than leaving them out?

    If he asks your insight/opinion, be honest perhaps but otherwise he has to figure out the eating part for himself.
  • MaltedTea
    MaltedTea Posts: 6,287 Member
    Hopefully, more gentlemen will respond to your post.

    I know that when I was running/racing more seriously, I had to decide whether I was...

    Eating to run or running to eat

    I chose "eating to run" which - to me - meant fueling my body in order to be able to run longer and longer distances while avoiding injury and sticking to dietary veganism.

    Yet, there are many runners who are "running to eat" (or drink) since the caloric burn gives them more room for indulgences. I've yet to see a sad Beer Miler or Hash House Harrier 😂

    Hubby may not be running but he may need to make a conscious choice about how to approach his goals.
  • IronIsMyTherapy
    IronIsMyTherapy Posts: 482 Member
    1. Help him make healthy food choices. He doesn't have to give up pizza, but reduce how much he eats and make it more infrequent. Maybe make ordering pizza a once a month occurance and encourage him to make it last 2 meals, then 3, then maybe even 4. If I want pizza, often I'll have a protein shake or chicken breast first to blunt my appetite. I can put down a large pie no problem on an empty stomach, but not so easily after 6 oz of chicken breast.
    2. Spend active time together. Go for a walk, hike, bike ride, etc. Exercise doesn't have to suck. Plan it, put it in calendar and stick to it rain or shine. You can even do things like put a bike or treadmill in front of the TV and if he wants to watch the game, he has to walk or cycle during it. Or, do sets of pushups during commercials. Have him earn his leisure time.
    3. Hold him accountable. Call him out (kindly). Humans react positively to being believed in and being held to a high standard. Holding ourselves to those standards are much harder alone.
    4. Let him know you notice the effort and that you're proud of him. But, mean it. And you can reward him in the ways only a wife can, ifyaknowwhatimean
  • Lietchi
    Lietchi Posts: 4,241 Member
    I think this is a sensitive matter, so tread lightly. Saying he eats junk probably isn't going to be helpful :wink:

    I would suggest to him to log his food intake as is (including pizza etc.) and look up how many calories he burns in a day (with and without exercise), just to make him more conscious of the balance that is needed between intake and calories burned. Perhaps that will make him realise that exercising more might not be enough (or it might be, we have no idea) and portion control might be a good idea too.
    And if he doesn't feel satiated after reducing his portions, you might offer suggestions to replace certain less filling foods with more filling foods, if he asks for more help.

    I would really try to avoid being judgmental about his food choices and just try to make him understand that the foods he chooses are calorie dense, so portion control is important. And most importantly, let him take the initiative in finding his road to weight loss. I can't tell you how pissed off I would have been if my boyfriend had tried to tell me what to do to lose weight. (Oh wait, he did try to tell me what to do after I had already lost a number of lbs successfully on my own, I shut that down really quickly :mrgreen: )
  • IronIsMyTherapy
    IronIsMyTherapy Posts: 482 Member
    edited November 2020
    NovusDies wrote: »
    1. Help him make healthy food choices. He doesn't have to give up pizza, but reduce how much he eats and make it more infrequent. Maybe make ordering pizza a once a month occurance and encourage him to make it last 2 meals, then 3, then maybe even 4. If I want pizza, often I'll have a protein shake or chicken breast first to blunt my appetite. I can put down a large pie no problem on an empty stomach, but not so easily after 6 oz of chicken breast.
    2. Spend active time together. Go for a walk, hike, bike ride, etc. Exercise doesn't have to suck. Plan it, put it in calendar and stick to it rain or shine. You can even do things like put a bike or treadmill in front of the TV and if he wants to watch the game, he has to walk or cycle during it. Or, do sets of pushups during commercials. Have him earn his leisure time.
    3. Hold him accountable. Call him out (kindly). Humans react positively to being believed in and being held to a high standard. Holding ourselves to those standards are much harder alone.
    4. Let him know you notice the effort and that you're proud of him. But, mean it. And you can reward him in the ways only a wife can, ifyaknowwhatimean

    No to 1, 3, and 4. First part of 2 is okay. The second part needs to be HIS idea.

    Sex for weight loss... MAJOR NO.

    You should know by now how much encouragement he might need. I needed and wanted very little from my wife. I definitely did not want her input on what I ate. I do not mean this too negatively but using the term "junk food" does not lead me to believe you would be unbiased enough.

    If he needs help with hunger control point him towards these forums.

    We're all making suggestions here. You really are saying that helping someone make healthy choices and eat less, plan active time together, care enough to hold them accountable and communicate appreciation aren't good forms of support? All of the things I suggested would work with me, it doesn't matter if they don't work for you but just saying "no" to them is pointless. Carry on with your day and make your own suggestions. I don't like pretty much any form of cardio but if my wife wants to go for a hike, I'm happy to join but I'm not likely to suggest it.

    I wasn't suggesting sex for weight loss. I was suggesting it could be possible form of demonstrating appreciation of effort. That being said, I don't agree with you. I've definitely had it be a major component in cutting fat, metrics via fitness tracker. What's your rationale behind utilizing an enjoyable activity that burns a ton of calories (assuming you don't play possum) being a "MAJOR NO"?
  • heather9986hg
    heather9986hg Posts: 60 Member
    Lietchi wrote: »
    I think this is a sensitive matter, so tread lightly. Saying he eats junk probably isn't going to be helpful :wink:

    I would suggest to him to log his food intake as is (including pizza etc.) and look up how many calories he burns in a day (with and without exercise), just to make him more conscious of the balance that is needed between intake and calories burned. Perhaps that will make him realise that exercising more might not be enough (or it might be, we have no idea) and portion control might be a good idea too.
    And if he doesn't feel satiated after reducing his portions, you might offer suggestions to replace certain less filling foods with more filling foods, if he asks for more help.

    I would really try to avoid being judgmental about his food choices and just try to make him understand that the foods he chooses are calorie dense, so portion control is important. And most importantly, let him take the initiative in finding his road to weight loss. I can't tell you how pissed off I would have been if my boyfriend had tried to tell me what to do to lose weight. (Oh wait, he did try to tell me what to do after I had already lost a number of lbs successfully on my own, I shut that down really quickly :mrgreen: )

    No he asked me for help
    I'm asking how to help
    And I'm not being mean he was the one being mean
    He told me if he can't be the skinny one I've got to gain more weight than he is...I don't think that was very nice
    And he's saying if he was single tomorrow he wouldn't be able to find someone to be with because if his weight
    Sorry that just got on my last nerve
    And I've been in his spot and asked on these forums how to lose weight and yes they will tell you to eat healthier more veggies and less junk 🤷‍♀️
  • IronIsMyTherapy
    IronIsMyTherapy Posts: 482 Member
    NovusDies wrote: »
    My husband says he wants to lose weight he says he needs to spend more time exercising
    I want to support him in any way I can but I know a little bit about weight loss and I know that while exercising is beneficial to health it's really what he's eating that matters
    He can spend all day exercising but if he eats a whole pizza it probably cancels out for instance
    What ways can I help him?
    When he grocery shops he never brings home healthy stuff he brings home junk food like chips pop tarts cookies nuggets ect
    We have different schedules so alot of time I'm sleeping when he gets home
    I think his portion control is out of control
    If he buys us pizza I've been trying to limit to one piece but he eats a whole pizza
    If I cook something I think will leave leftovers there usually isn't any...
    How can I help him with this? He asked but I don't know how much help he's asking for...

    If he asked then point him at MFP and tell him to log what he eats for a couple of weeks. I think that actual experience and awareness is much more effective than you telling him things. If he needs help logging then help with with that but do not comment on anything else. Let him see it for himself.

    I lost a lot of weight eating some amounts of what you might consider junk food. Try not to judge his food. I credit my weekly pizza with adding to my ability to lose weight. The first thing he needs is calorie control with hunger control. Food selection is not that important unless it hinders hunger control.

    He asked for her to help him, not to be pointed to an app where he can do it on his own. He is all but asking to be held accountable.
  • IronIsMyTherapy
    IronIsMyTherapy Posts: 482 Member
    NovusDies wrote: »
    NovusDies wrote: »
    1. Help him make healthy food choices. He doesn't have to give up pizza, but reduce how much he eats and make it more infrequent. Maybe make ordering pizza a once a month occurance and encourage him to make it last 2 meals, then 3, then maybe even 4. If I want pizza, often I'll have a protein shake or chicken breast first to blunt my appetite. I can put down a large pie no problem on an empty stomach, but not so easily after 6 oz of chicken breast.
    2. Spend active time together. Go for a walk, hike, bike ride, etc. Exercise doesn't have to suck. Plan it, put it in calendar and stick to it rain or shine. You can even do things like put a bike or treadmill in front of the TV and if he wants to watch the game, he has to walk or cycle during it. Or, do sets of pushups during commercials. Have him earn his leisure time.
    3. Hold him accountable. Call him out (kindly). Humans react positively to being believed in and being held to a high standard. Holding ourselves to those standards are much harder alone.
    4. Let him know you notice the effort and that you're proud of him. But, mean it. And you can reward him in the ways only a wife can, ifyaknowwhatimean

    No to 1, 3, and 4. First part of 2 is okay. The second part needs to be HIS idea.

    Sex for weight loss... MAJOR NO.

    You should know by now how much encouragement he might need. I needed and wanted very little from my wife. I definitely did not want her input on what I ate. I do not mean this too negatively but using the term "junk food" does not lead me to believe you would be unbiased enough.

    If he needs help with hunger control point him towards these forums.

    We're all making suggestions here. You really are saying that helping someone make healthy choices and eat less, plan active time together, care enough to hold them accountable and communicate appreciation aren't good forms of support? All of the things I suggested would work with me, it doesn't matter if they don't work for you but just saying "no" to them is pointless. Carry on with your day and make your own suggestions. I don't like pretty much any form of cardio but if my wife wants to go for a hike, I'm happy to join but I'm not likely to suggest it.

    I wasn't suggesting sex for weight loss. I was suggesting it could be possible form of demonstrating appreciation of effort. That being said, I don't agree with you. I've definitely had it be a major component in cutting fat, metrics via fitness tracker. What's your rationale behind utilizing an enjoyable activity that burns a ton of calories (assuming you don't play possum) being a "MAJOR NO"?


    Earned intimacy is not intimacy. It is a form of judgment. Sex as a reward is such a bad idea. This is not a sitcom.

    To the rest of the points a wife should avoid acting like a mother. Chances are he will have to go through a few iterations of try and fail before he figures it out and she does not want her fingerprints on the train if it slides off the track.

    It is best to get your advice from an objective third party that does not live with you. You may not always like what you have to be told and in a close relationship with all the emotions involved you can easily swing back and forth from grateful to resentful. In addition, if he decides to take his foot off the gas or just has a weak moment he should be able to do so without hiding.

    All of these are your opinions, not fact.
  • MaltedTea
    MaltedTea Posts: 6,287 Member
    NovusDies wrote: »
    MaltedTea wrote: »
    Hopefully, more gentlemen will respond to your post.

    I am not sure I am a gentleman but I use the gentlemen's bathroom... does that count?

    Definitely! When I was writing my post, I didn't yet see any other entries other than the OP's. No offense meant.
  • IronIsMyTherapy
    IronIsMyTherapy Posts: 482 Member
    NovusDies wrote: »
    NovusDies wrote: »
    NovusDies wrote: »
    1. Help him make healthy food choices. He doesn't have to give up pizza, but reduce how much he eats and make it more infrequent. Maybe make ordering pizza a once a month occurance and encourage him to make it last 2 meals, then 3, then maybe even 4. If I want pizza, often I'll have a protein shake or chicken breast first to blunt my appetite. I can put down a large pie no problem on an empty stomach, but not so easily after 6 oz of chicken breast.
    2. Spend active time together. Go for a walk, hike, bike ride, etc. Exercise doesn't have to suck. Plan it, put it in calendar and stick to it rain or shine. You can even do things like put a bike or treadmill in front of the TV and if he wants to watch the game, he has to walk or cycle during it. Or, do sets of pushups during commercials. Have him earn his leisure time.
    3. Hold him accountable. Call him out (kindly). Humans react positively to being believed in and being held to a high standard. Holding ourselves to those standards are much harder alone.
    4. Let him know you notice the effort and that you're proud of him. But, mean it. And you can reward him in the ways only a wife can, ifyaknowwhatimean

    No to 1, 3, and 4. First part of 2 is okay. The second part needs to be HIS idea.

    Sex for weight loss... MAJOR NO.

    You should know by now how much encouragement he might need. I needed and wanted very little from my wife. I definitely did not want her input on what I ate. I do not mean this too negatively but using the term "junk food" does not lead me to believe you would be unbiased enough.

    If he needs help with hunger control point him towards these forums.

    We're all making suggestions here. You really are saying that helping someone make healthy choices and eat less, plan active time together, care enough to hold them accountable and communicate appreciation aren't good forms of support? All of the things I suggested would work with me, it doesn't matter if they don't work for you but just saying "no" to them is pointless. Carry on with your day and make your own suggestions. I don't like pretty much any form of cardio but if my wife wants to go for a hike, I'm happy to join but I'm not likely to suggest it.

    I wasn't suggesting sex for weight loss. I was suggesting it could be possible form of demonstrating appreciation of effort. That being said, I don't agree with you. I've definitely had it be a major component in cutting fat, metrics via fitness tracker. What's your rationale behind utilizing an enjoyable activity that burns a ton of calories (assuming you don't play possum) being a "MAJOR NO"?


    Earned intimacy is not intimacy. It is a form of judgment. Sex as a reward is such a bad idea. This is not a sitcom.

    To the rest of the points a wife should avoid acting like a mother. Chances are he will have to go through a few iterations of try and fail before he figures it out and she does not want her fingerprints on the train if it slides off the track.

    It is best to get your advice from an objective third party that does not live with you. You may not always like what you have to be told and in a close relationship with all the emotions involved you can easily swing back and forth from grateful to resentful. In addition, if he decides to take his foot off the gas or just has a weak moment he should be able to do so without hiding.

    All of these are your opinions, not fact.

    True.

    Opinions based on a lot of experience and observation but just opinions. I might also mention that while still just opinions mine come with less risk of blowing up in the OP's face.

    Also your opinion...
  • NovusDies
    NovusDies Posts: 8,940 Member
    MaltedTea wrote: »
    NovusDies wrote: »
    MaltedTea wrote: »
    Hopefully, more gentlemen will respond to your post.

    I am not sure I am a gentleman but I use the gentlemen's bathroom... does that count?

    Definitely! When I was writing my post, I didn't yet see any other entries other than the OP's. No offense meant.

    I was making a joke at my expense. I was definitely not offended.
  • TonyB0588
    TonyB0588 Posts: 9,520 Member
    My husband says he wants to lose weight he says he needs to spend more time exercising
    I want to support him in any way I can but I know a little bit about weight loss and I know that while exercising is beneficial to health it's really what he's eating that matters
    He can spend all day exercising but if he eats a whole pizza it probably cancels out for instance
    What ways can I help him?
    When he grocery shops he never brings home healthy stuff he brings home junk food like chips pop tarts cookies nuggets ect
    We have different schedules so alot of time I'm sleeping when he gets home
    I think his portion control is out of control
    If he buys us pizza I've been trying to limit to one piece but he eats a whole pizza
    If I cook something I think will leave leftovers there usually isn't any...
    How can I help him with this? He asked but I don't know how much help he's asking for...

    This will take some effort on his part. You didn't indicate how old your husband is, his height or how much he weighs, or how much he's tying to lose.

    My wife does the shopping and supports me by buying healthy foods. She also does the cooking, and is conscious of the need to put correct portion sizes on my plate.

    Being on MFP made me more aware of the total value of the calories I eat each day or the calories I burn through exercise. Maybe he should start his own MFP account and log accurately.

    I've never eaten a whole pizza, but maybe a whole package of sweet biscuits or some other snack. Now I know a portion size of my favourite biscuit is just 3 or 4 rather than the pack of 15.
  • IronIsMyTherapy
    IronIsMyTherapy Posts: 482 Member
    edited November 2020
    NovusDies wrote: »
    NovusDies wrote: »
    NovusDies wrote: »
    1. Help him make healthy food choices. He doesn't have to give up pizza, but reduce how much he eats and make it more infrequent. Maybe make ordering pizza a once a month occurance and encourage him to make it last 2 meals, then 3, then maybe even 4. If I want pizza, often I'll have a protein shake or chicken breast first to blunt my appetite. I can put down a large pie no problem on an empty stomach, but not so easily after 6 oz of chicken breast.
    2. Spend active time together. Go for a walk, hike, bike ride, etc. Exercise doesn't have to suck. Plan it, put it in calendar and stick to it rain or shine. You can even do things like put a bike or treadmill in front of the TV and if he wants to watch the game, he has to walk or cycle during it. Or, do sets of pushups during commercials. Have him earn his leisure time.
    3. Hold him accountable. Call him out (kindly). Humans react positively to being believed in and being held to a high standard. Holding ourselves to those standards are much harder alone.
    4. Let him know you notice the effort and that you're proud of him. But, mean it. And you can reward him in the ways only a wife can, ifyaknowwhatimean

    No to 1, 3, and 4. First part of 2 is okay. The second part needs to be HIS idea.

    Sex for weight loss... MAJOR NO.

    You should know by now how much encouragement he might need. I needed and wanted very little from my wife. I definitely did not want her input on what I ate. I do not mean this too negatively but using the term "junk food" does not lead me to believe you would be unbiased enough.

    If he needs help with hunger control point him towards these forums.

    We're all making suggestions here. You really are saying that helping someone make healthy choices and eat less, plan active time together, care enough to hold them accountable and communicate appreciation aren't good forms of support? All of the things I suggested would work with me, it doesn't matter if they don't work for you but just saying "no" to them is pointless. Carry on with your day and make your own suggestions. I don't like pretty much any form of cardio but if my wife wants to go for a hike, I'm happy to join but I'm not likely to suggest it.

    I wasn't suggesting sex for weight loss. I was suggesting it could be possible form of demonstrating appreciation of effort. That being said, I don't agree with you. I've definitely had it be a major component in cutting fat, metrics via fitness tracker. What's your rationale behind utilizing an enjoyable activity that burns a ton of calories (assuming you don't play possum) being a "MAJOR NO"?


    Earned intimacy is not intimacy. It is a form of judgment. Sex as a reward is such a bad idea. This is not a sitcom.

    To the rest of the points a wife should avoid acting like a mother. Chances are he will have to go through a few iterations of try and fail before he figures it out and she does not want her fingerprints on the train if it slides off the track.

    It is best to get your advice from an objective third party that does not live with you. You may not always like what you have to be told and in a close relationship with all the emotions involved you can easily swing back and forth from grateful to resentful. In addition, if he decides to take his foot off the gas or just has a weak moment he should be able to do so without hiding.

    All of these are your opinions, not fact.

    True.

    Opinions based on a lot of experience and observation but just opinions. I might also mention that while still just opinions mine come with less risk of blowing up in the OP's face.

    Also your opinion...

    Ok Ok we get it .... he stated his opinion and not fact, just like you stated your opinion and not fact.

    I'm also going to state my opinion, not fact if that's ok lol

    I'd have to agree with the "Sex as a reward is such a bad idea"
    I don't ever want to feel like I have to earn my husbands love and affection.
    That sounds awful :(

    If you're secure in your relationship, it won't feel like you HAVE to earn it but it can add a fun dimension. I know my wife would be willing anytime but if she said "after you've done X, I'll do Y" I'd be off and running. Not because I think that's the only way it would happen, but it would still be motivating. I didn't say "withhold it unless he earns it", it was tied to showing appreciation. I don't know any red blooded males that wouldn't enjoy being shown appreciation with some physical enjoyment.