When people comment on your weight loss....
kds10
Posts: 452 Member
It is nice when people notice but maybe its just me but when people say.. "wow you look so different" , etc. I have to admit a part of me thinks how bad did i look before? Lol
16
Replies
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For me, I would rather no comments either way about my weight loss.19
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I have to agree....I find when I meet people that didn't know me prior that is the best because they have no clue I lost weight so nothing is said2
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I know we're not meant to approve of comments about weight, but in all honesty when people in the gym finally started commenting on my weight loss I was pleased. In every case it came from a good place and they were commenting as much on my improved gym abilities as my smaller figure. The vast majority of those who did comment had themselves come from obesity or were currently wanting to lose weight and looking for some tips from me. The best moment (for me) was when I bought some new gym kit as the old baggy stuff had got just too baggy to wear. The new kit wasn't baggy. I had a training session at the gym that morning and had got in early to go on a treadmill to warm up as usual. My trainer spent a while looking around the gym for me because he didn't recognise the back view of me on the treadmill. And when I look back at old pictures of myself...well. I don't want to go there again.26
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If it's a compliment, I'm going to say "thank you" and try not to read anything else into it. I know, for me, it's almost impossible for me not to tell my neighbor, who started running about a year ago and has lost 70 lbs, that she looks great, that she's rockin' the skinny jeans, that she's one hawt mama. However, if her face didn't light up in a smile, or if I sensed she was not happy with the sincere compliment, then I wouldn't say anything about it. I'd talk about the weather or her new shoes. I know when my weight loss starts to become visible, she's probably going to do the same thing.20
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It's weird for me...even though I want people to notice my weight loss, I feel uncomfortable when they comment on it. I mean, it's nice to be recognized, but I also tend to shy away from attention.
Funny story: This isn't directly about my weight, but about a body part. So, my strength training focused more on glute training in the past 1.5 years (while still doing total body). It really has helped my back I believe, but yeah, my butt is firmer and perkier. I take adult dance classes, and my dance teacher commented in front of the class how nice my butt looked
!
I definitely cringed and then made sure my butt was covered (and of course everyone laughed)...even though it was super-uncomfortable, part of me knew that if my dance teacher (who has probably seen lots of nice butts in her dance and teaching career
) thought it looked nice, all my hard work must be paying off! She did also say a few weeks earlier that I seemed a lot stronger, so it wasn't just the aesthetics part of it 
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Mostly, in this and other contexts, I try to hear people's intentions, and not over-react to their words. If their words are ambiguous, but I sense they mean to be complimentary, I take it that way, then let it go. If their words are complementary, but I sense jealousy or some other negative, that's a different matter.
That's kind of easy to say, for me, maybe: At my age & stage, I'm not very appearance conscious, other than trying to look semi-respectable in public. I liked my fat body well enough, I like the thin one, too. Neither one of them is Cutie McCuterson in our culture's standard terms, and that's fine with me, too.14 -
Honestly it annoys me if people comment on it unless I am close to them and we have a relationship where it's comfortable and appropriate to talk about it (anyone who knows me well enough will know I struggle with disordered eating of a few varieties). My next door neighbour said something about my weight every time I saw her for about 18 months. I started intentionally swerving her because of it.6
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I actually feel like speakeasy- I am a little uncomfortable. I feel a little self conscious when people make a lot of comments all the time. While I did want to lose to look better, my main focus was health and strength.1
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Well it's OBVIOUS that for a lot of people, carry a lot of extra weight does make you look different. And socially to look leaner has been desired forever in most industrialized countries.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
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For me it depends. I like comments in the gym with other ppl who lift similarly to me. I guess for me those comments come from a place of respect and usually have more to do with my strength then what I weigh.
I felt a little uneasy for awhile with comments mostly from women whom I know are trying to lose weight. Mainly because I had gotten a little thin for my personal comfort level and I didn't love the idea that that was to be praised. But, I mean I was not terribly happy with my size at that point so that was really more about me than them.7 -
I like comments. The funniest one is I have an older male neighbor who stopped my husband at the mailbox the other day and told him his wife was looking smoking hot! I know I looked terrible when obese - I lose all definition in my facial features - and it’s not exactly a secret that something is different when you lose 125 lbs.
However, I’m aware that this is a fraught subject. I once ran into a casual friend I hadn’t seen in about three years and complimented her on her weight loss. Turned out she had lost the will to eat when her husband died. Oops, don’t wanna go on that diet! Others have complimented people who turned out to have cancer. You just never know what is up with someone so unless you know them well enough to know how your words will be taken, best to stay quiet.
On a related subject I always wish there was a way to say to heavy people who are working out, clearly new at it, “You are crushing it, great job,” without coming off patronizing. I pass one lady running all the time, she was 300+ lbs when I started seeing her, could barely walk, and now she has lost about 100 lbs and is running. So proud of her! But I don’t want her to feel awkward if I say something. So I just smile and say hello.10 -
I do like it when likeminded people comment on my hard work (don't like the creepy comments) but mostly it makes me sad that people I've known for years are more accepting of me now I'm thinner. And in some cases, the people who I had hoped would support me have resented me. But I just take comfort that I've done something positive for myself and have seen those who genuinely wish me well and found out those who do not. Overall I would prefer people just liked me for me and not my BF%.11
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I haven't seen my coworkers in person since last March because of quarantine. I've been diligently working on weight loss and fitness during that time. Although we have regular zoom meetings, I rarely turn on the video (because I'm, uh, usually multi-tasking with other things), but I have turned it on a few times when I'm presenting or when it's important to be visible. So my coworkers have only seen my head/face and shoulders only.
I will admit that it has been nice to get a separate email or text saying I look great. But I did have one coworker email and ask me if I lost weight and asked me how much weight. That part made me uncomfortable: asking for the exact amount. And that's weird to ask, isn't it?7 -
I have always felt a bit uncomfortable with "compliments" on weight loss. Yes, @msapplek -- it is weird to ask how much, and depending on how close the friendship is, I would back off from responding with a number. If it is a friend who also struggles with weight, maybe I will say "around "X" amount of pounds." To someone else-- "Enough to feel healthier and more energetic- thanks!!"4
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Don't comment on someone's body unless you know for an incontrovertible fact that they are purposefully trying to change it in some way (i.e., this person has chosen to tell you that they're trying to lose/gain weight). If you merely suspect that they are doing this (like, you've seen them using an app like MFP, exercising, or if they appear visibly larger or smaller than last time you saw them) but they've never directly told you, specifically, about it, assume this is not something they want to share with you, for any number of reasons. Unless they tell you, you can't know if it's something they would appreciate commentary on, either in general or from you, specifically. And maybe you'll feel some type of way about that, if it's a person that you think "should" like/trust you enough to share this kind of thing with you, but those feelings are yours to manage.7
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I have always felt a bit uncomfortable with "compliments" on weight loss. Yes, @msapplek -- it is weird to ask how much, and depending on how close the friendship is, I would back off from responding with a number. If it is a friend who also struggles with weight, maybe I will say "around "X" amount of pounds." To someone else-- "Enough to feel healthier and more energetic- thanks!!"
My get round for this one is to say I have lost over 40% of me.6 -
I've lost 96 lbs in the last 14 months.
what I hate is when someone....family..... say stop losing weight, I'm worried about you.
Or, you say you are just maintaining, but it looks like you are losing more.
I have been within 3 lbs. for 3 months now. Oh, I got "you look skeletal" a couple of days ago.
I started at 244 and am now 148. I'm 5'6'. Hardly skeletal, although I look seriously different.
I must admit I do get snappy. This crap is usually what starts me gaining weight. i am determined it won't happen this time!!!18 -
mk, when your family makes unwelcome criticisms, does it help to respond with an objective benchmark like BMI?
Lately I have received a couple "concerned" comments about DH weight loss behind his back. When I relayed to him, he responded that his BMI is middle of the fairway "normal." I did the math, and he's actually closer to overweight than underweight. When I tell family members he's technically closer to overweight than underweight (without mentioning actual numbers), they back off. The people who expressed concern have gained weight FWIW. I sometimes wonder if the "concern" expressed is a projection of concern for self. Anyhoo....
Ironically, my BMI is lower but it has been that way so long no one ever expresses concern. I think it's just the relative change that people react to. I'm sure your look is seriously different -- in a seriously great way!4 -
I've lost a third of my starting weight. I'm also only 5'1.5"tall so I do look very different, particularly to people who don't see me very often. I've had a lot of concerned comments about losing too much, being really skinny now etc etc but I put it down to the fact that everyone was so used to me be considerably rounder. Given how much I've lost, I'd be more peeved if no-one noticed! (I'm in the UK, and people are, perhaps, less reticent to comment)
I'm now Normal BMI and if anyone makes a comment that I think requires an answer, that's what I tell them. I was officially overweight, I had a health scare and I needed to lose weight / overhaul my diet. I'm now normal weight, my health is no longer of concern and that's how I intend to remain.7 -
I'm barely 10lbs down but someone noticed today. ^_^ I think it might be down to the better-fitting bras I've started wearing, tbh, rather than a 10lb difference actually being visible on my frame, but I'll take it!7
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I'm fine with comments if they aren't rude, and I do my best to read their intent when deciding the rudeness. Honestly, I've accidentally insulted people by trying to compliment them, so I try to cut people slack on that when I can.
Most people don't say anything, other than occasionally a close friend will say something like "Wow your legs look so strong!" or "dude your butt disappeared" (gee thanks lol), but they know me well enough to be comfortable. Extended family, for example, tend to err on the side of caution. My SIL gently brought it up one holiday because she noticed, thought I looked much younger, but we see each other so rarely she wasn't sure what to say or if she should mention it at all.
If I get a "wow you look so different" or "man, you look good!" I just thank them and move on. They aren't trying to comment on my past appearance, and I know damn well I look better now. Why act like I don't?5 -
I rather they not say anything because now I feel like I'm being watched and judged on my appearance .
Which now leads me to add pressure on my weight .
I know they mean well .
But for me it makes me feel worthless .10 -
I find it so weird to hear about people who ask things like 'how much have you lost' etc. That's just such weird behaviour except maybe from close family or very close friends. When I lost 115lbs in 2015, I think my mother was the only one to ask specifically how much I'd lost (in a supportive way).
In terms of compliments, again, I've never had explicit 'you have lost so much weight' compliments (apart from one or two aunts). But I did have lots of 'You're looking great' compliments.
'You're looking well' is a good one, I think. The unspoken bit is 'you've lost weight', but of course there's lots of reasons I might be looking well - better haircut, better clothes, better skin - in addition to lost weight.3 -
I once got from an older relative -
"Wow! How much weight have you lost??!?"
- in shock and amazement when she hadn't seen me for a few months. That was her first reaction and then she went on to say how good I looked etc.
I knew she was trying to be nice and compliment me but it just felt like... how much did you think I had to lose? Lol. I wasn't sure how to reply and I was a bit offended but tried to see it the way she intended it...7 -
I honestly don't mind if anybody asks how much I lost, because I am more than happy to brag a bit if somebody seems honestly interested.
I went to the Doctor recently and he said "you lost quite a bit of weight!" and yeah, true. That was the plan and I am not done yet.
If people say that I look good my only worry is that I know I look like a lumpy potato without clothes. Otherwise, I am pretty convinced myself I look better now than when I started this. So fair of them to notice.7 -
Twelve years ago I lost 37 lbs - and no one noticed or commented. I am 5' 10 so at 175 I wasn't hugely overweight, but when I would mention that I lost over 30 lbs and people seemed surprised it was actually kind of disheartening.
I am heavier now so I would imagine if I get down to 138 again people might notice.6 -
It depends on who is giving the compliment and how it's said. For people who have known me for a longtime and go on and on about how drastically I have changed and how good I look now. I wonder what they were thinking and saying before. But when people just say they are happy for me and proud of how I stuck with it and have come so far, that is to me different. I also feel good about where I am at now so I am not bothered by my weight or as self conscious. Most people are sincere and I really appreciate the compliment. Because I know I have really worked hard and struggled to get where I am now. I also know I am going to have to work hard to maintain the almost 100 pound lost. So either way I just take the compliment and move on.8
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mpkpbk2015 wrote: »It depends on who is giving the compliment and how it's said. For people who have known me for a longtime and go on and on about how drastically I have changed and how good I look now. I wonder what they were thinking and saying before. But when people just say they are happy for me and proud of how I stuck with it and have come so far, that is to me different. I also feel good about where I am at now so I am not bothered by my weight or as self conscious. Most people are sincere and I really appreciate the compliment. Because I know I have really worked hard and struggled to get where I am now. I also know I am going to have to work hard to maintain the almost 100 pound lost. So either way I just take the compliment and move on.
You could also look at the comments about how drastically you've changed as being a sincere compliment. Perhaps, in their way, the person making such a comment is acknowledging that you must have worked really hard to achieve such a drastic change and want to ensure you know that you look really good. They didn't necessarily think anything negative about you previously. Some people need that validation that they have achieved something impressive, some of us are just happy knowing it ourselves. I take any compliments going.5 -
goal06082021 wrote: »Don't comment on someone's body unless you know for an incontrovertible fact that they are purposefully trying to change it in some way (i.e., this person has chosen to tell you that they're trying to lose/gain weight). If you merely suspect that they are doing this (like, you've seen them using an app like MFP, exercising, or if they appear visibly larger or smaller than last time you saw them) but they've never directly told you, specifically, about it, assume this is not something they want to share with you, for any number of reasons. Unless they tell you, you can't know if it's something they would appreciate commentary on, either in general or from you, specifically. And maybe you'll feel some type of way about that, if it's a person that you think "should" like/trust you enough to share this kind of thing with you, but those feelings are yours to manage.
This.
Because commenting without KNOWING is how you compliment someone on losing weight - because they have cancer, or are deep in grief, or something else deeply personal and unwanted.
Weight loss/weight gain can happen/be motivated by a lot of reasons. Some of them are deeply personal, even if deliberate, and have nothing to do with aesthetics.
Compliment their shirt.1 -
I do like when people comment on my weight loss and tell me I look better, because I know it’s true. I didn’t look as good when I was fatter, and I’ll look better than I do now when I lose more weight. Looking better or worse doesn’t change my inherent worth, just my attractiveness to look at. There are other kinds of attractiveness besides that of looks, though and looks don’t determine those. Even while thinner, I’ve never been particularly good looking, and yet I still have lots of people who love me. But I do enjoy being a bit better looking, though I’ll never win any prizes.
In fact, my husband down right said that he didn’t marry for my looks anyway, which is nice because it removed any pressure to look a certain way. He never had a problem when I was at my highest weight, but he is very appreciative of me losing weight. Part of that is because he is happy I am taking care of myself because he wants me to be around for long years to come.9
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