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Great bodies and attractiveness or Money and success catch our eye?
Replies
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Cost of taking care of oneself is big business. Not only in the fitness industry but plastic surgery and other products themselves, especially for women. Which is a good point you brought up about how inequality of this may be a sign of people who may earn much less.Wiseandcurious wrote: »For everyone saying that one can't see at a glance who is wealthy vs who is not if they are dressed the same - I used to think so but I noticed with time that poverty ages badly as a whole
Later in life, there seems to often be a difference - not universal but the wealthier tend to have better skin, teeth, bodies, posture etc. as they age. I think that's partly because of the money they can spend to care for themselves but also because of all the negative factors like stress which they have much less of. It makes me sad because it's just one more sign of how inequality breeds inequality
And this may bring up the point of the inequality of how genders are looked at in this too. In Hollywood, female actors over a certain age (I believe it's 45) tend to lose roles to younger ones. I don't think the same criteria is applied to males as much.
Now for me female actors like Salma Hayek, Marissa Tomei, and Jennifer Connelly still catch my eye.
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Wiseandcurious wrote: »On OP's original point of what "catches our eye" and if money/status may be it - I notice yoy referred to yor friend as "he". Funnily enough, I have only ever heard the theory that "people" are attracted to the rich, espoused by men, and by people they tend to mean women. Does your friend think men nowadays are attracted to women with power and status vs looks? If not, then there seems to be a lot of internalised mysoginy behind his view (not saying he himself is a mysoginist person per se - not enough data).
I have noticed an anecdotal correlation between people who insist that women specifically are mainly attracted to power and money and people who have some, let's say, vivid views on women in general.7 -
But that could be from what they are experiencing? And I know of guys (gym dudes) who want a "sugar momma" with no intention of staying monogamous. But then that's not a compatible relationship.janejellyroll wrote: »Wiseandcurious wrote: »On OP's original point of what "catches our eye" and if money/status may be it - I notice yoy referred to yor friend as "he". Funnily enough, I have only ever heard the theory that "people" are attracted to the rich, espoused by men, and by people they tend to mean women. Does your friend think men nowadays are attracted to women with power and status vs looks? If not, then there seems to be a lot of internalised mysoginy behind his view (not saying he himself is a mysoginist person per se - not enough data).
I have noticed an anecdotal correlation between people who insist that women specifically are mainly attracted to power and money and people who have some, let's say, vivid views on women in general.
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Honestly, if they look like money I'm going to avoid them...the ones that have money and don't feel compelled to flaunt it are typically better human beings...looks are ok for catching the eye initially, but for holding it, brains and the ability to be articulate are at the top of the list...life is too short to waste on people who can't hold a good conversation, the topic is somewhat irrelevant if you can communicate clearly and effectively.3
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But that could be from what they are experiencing? And I know of guys (gym dudes) who want a "sugar momma" with no intention of staying monogamous. But then that's not a compatible relationship.janejellyroll wrote: »Wiseandcurious wrote: »On OP's original point of what "catches our eye" and if money/status may be it - I notice yoy referred to yor friend as "he". Funnily enough, I have only ever heard the theory that "people" are attracted to the rich, espoused by men, and by people they tend to mean women. Does your friend think men nowadays are attracted to women with power and status vs looks? If not, then there seems to be a lot of internalised mysoginy behind his view (not saying he himself is a mysoginist person per se - not enough data).
I have noticed an anecdotal correlation between people who insist that women specifically are mainly attracted to power and money and people who have some, let's say, vivid views on women in general.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
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It reminds me of the “nice guys finish last” attitude that some guys use to cover up the fact that maybe it’s just them and they’re probably not as nice as they think they are.
Perspective and experience can be one in the same if you’re not careful.7 -
bold_rabbit wrote: »I'm pretty atypical in a lot of ways.
I'm interested in people who are:
Kind/Caring
Honest
Funny/Easy going
Responsible
Hard working
Hold similar views to me
Looks are not a big criteria, although it certainly isn't a negative. Having lots of money doesn't often mesh with the above characteristics, so they would start off at a disadvantage in my eyes.
All reasonable, but those are mostly traits that you have to discover over time about a person. The debate the OP brought up was more about initial impressions than longer term ones.0 -
But that could be from what they are experiencing? And I know of guys (gym dudes) who want a "sugar momma" with no intention of staying monogamous. But then that's not a compatible relationship.janejellyroll wrote: »Wiseandcurious wrote: »On OP's original point of what "catches our eye" and if money/status may be it - I notice yoy referred to yor friend as "he". Funnily enough, I have only ever heard the theory that "people" are attracted to the rich, espoused by men, and by people they tend to mean women. Does your friend think men nowadays are attracted to women with power and status vs looks? If not, then there seems to be a lot of internalised mysoginy behind his view (not saying he himself is a mysoginist person per se - not enough data).
I have noticed an anecdotal correlation between people who insist that women specifically are mainly attracted to power and money and people who have some, let's say, vivid views on women in general.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
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Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
Well, that depends. It's conceivable that a financially successful woman might want a buff boy-toy/arm-candy type, and be fairly clear-eyed about what she's getting. I don't think that's a healthy relationship, but that's a value judgement. If the couple's goals align, it's "a compatible relationship", if you ask me.
It's not super unusual, IMO, for successful men to buy an equivalent thing in women (toy/arm-candy), though willingness to look the other way about non-monogamy might differ, in common cases.
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A happy disposition/bright outlook, to me, makes a person much more attractive than any other physical attribute.
And money was never a deciding factor for me unless the person was a freeloader.
My son takes after my wife and I take after my Dad, unfortunately, at times. I'm the natural dark and brooding type. I also can be hot tempered (though I control it well) and negative. My son is pleasant, even-keeled and never swears. And he's hysterical as well. My wife often kids me I need to be more like him.
I agree with you 100%. Even an average looking man, with the right disposition, sense of humor and demeanor, is something to stive for. Calm, even under pressure, is a very enviable trait to me.0 -
IMO, I think people who are pretty rich have a tendency to stray more because they may feel financially they don't have to worry if their relationship goes sour? I don't know. I've never been rich. However I've hung out with rich friends who took me to Asian massage parlors and those friends were married.
But that could be from what they are experiencing? And I know of guys (gym dudes) who want a "sugar momma" with no intention of staying monogamous. But then that's not a compatible relationship.janejellyroll wrote: »Wiseandcurious wrote: »On OP's original point of what "catches our eye" and if money/status may be it - I notice yoy referred to yor friend as "he". Funnily enough, I have only ever heard the theory that "people" are attracted to the rich, espoused by men, and by people they tend to mean women. Does your friend think men nowadays are attracted to women with power and status vs looks? If not, then there seems to be a lot of internalised mysoginy behind his view (not saying he himself is a mysoginist person per se - not enough data).
I have noticed an anecdotal correlation between people who insist that women specifically are mainly attracted to power and money and people who have some, let's say, vivid views on women in general.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
Well, that depends. It's conceivable that a financially successful woman might want a buff boy-toy/arm-candy type, and be fairly clear-eyed about what she's getting. I don't think that's a healthy relationship, but that's a value judgement. If the couple's goals align, it's "a compatible relationship", if you ask me.
It's not super unusual, IMO, for successful men to buy an equivalent thing in women (toy/arm-candy), though willingness to look the other way about non-monogamy might differ, in common cases.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
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I had that exact dilemma in my mid 20’s. A young hot guy and his wealthy boss were both hitting on me at an event. I danced with both of them. The boss was older too. I really liked the younger guy and had more in common with him because of age but also really attracted physically. I’m glad I picked him, we had a relationship for several years. I found out the boss was married! There was the added age difference though too. Now I’d probably pick money though, assuming he was single and had a good personality. Security is more important than looks as you get older. In both cases though, you have to be careful because both really good looking guys and super rich are usually players and not very loyal.0
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AliciaHollywood wrote: »I had that exact dilemma in my mid 20’s. A young hot guy and his wealthy boss were both hitting on me at an event. I danced with both of them. The boss was older too. I really liked the younger guy and had more in common with him because of age but also really attracted physically. I’m glad I picked him, we had a relationship for several years. I found out the boss was married! There was the added age difference though too. Now I’d probably pick money though, assuming he was single and had a good personality. Security is more important than looks as you get older. In both cases though, you have to be careful because both really good looking guys and super rich are usually players and not very loyal.
Yet another reason why I think people (of either sex) are best served to work for financial security for themselves, rather than depending on a partner.
The older one gets, the worse the demographics get, for straight women (maybe others, but that's the case I'm most familiar with, as a 65 y/o widow). Women significantly outnumber men, most of the sane ones are partnered, the ones who aren't can pick and choose, and those who are financially well off are usually more able to pick young (something many men might prefer, but ample money is a nice sweetener to seal that deal).
Yeah, I'm a cynic. But one who's glad she considered her own earning/saving/investing power over the decades, rather than depending on a partner for security. Not rich, but not deeply worried about covering rent/grocery kind of stuff, either, unlike many of my age peers, sadly.4 -
AliciaHollywood wrote: »I had that exact dilemma in my mid 20’s. A young hot guy and his wealthy boss were both hitting on me at an event. I danced with both of them. The boss was older too. I really liked the younger guy and had more in common with him because of age but also really attracted physically. I’m glad I picked him, we had a relationship for several years. I found out the boss was married! There was the added age difference though too. Now I’d probably pick money though, assuming he was single and had a good personality. Security is more important than looks as you get older. In both cases though, you have to be careful because both really good looking guys and super rich are usually players and not very loyal.
Yet another reason why I think people (of either sex) are best served to work for financial security for themselves, rather than depending on a partner.
The older one gets, the worse the demographics get, for straight women (maybe others, but that's the case I'm most familiar with, as a 65 y/o widow). Women significantly outnumber men, most of the sane ones are partnered, the ones who aren't can pick and choose, and those who are financially well off are usually more able to pick young (something many men might prefer, but ample money is a nice sweetener to seal that deal).
Yeah, I'm a cynic. But one who's glad she considered her own earning/saving/investing power over the decades, rather than depending on a partner for security. Not rich, but not deeply worried about covering rent/grocery kind of stuff, either, unlike many of my age peers, sadly.
Yes to all this. I am always shocked when I hear young women say they want to find a man to "take care" of them.
Really? You don't want to make sure you have some individual financial security? Maybe finish school and learn some skills just in case?
That said, my husband says that what caught his eye is the fact that I had health insurance.4 -
I'm only attracted to people I have a connection with. A combination of intelligence, success, personality. Obviously the person being attractive to me helps, but I find very specific things attractive. I don't find gym rats attractive personally. A best friend, a creative genius, someone who has multiple degrees, intelligence. That is where it's at. For me at least1
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I am honestly a bit scared of men who look rich ( nice cars, clothes etc) I feel like they would require their lady to have such high maintenance as well , that sounds very stressful to keep up and Im super low maintenance
On the other hand, if his place is a mess and personal hygiene is a myth to him and he cant hold down a job for long then it's a red flag...but from first glance it would be if I can smell him and it's bad
Not sure if I have figure out how to sense an in between , well balanced guy yet. They dont smell bad, they dont smell like anything! And they dress normal! How to know!?1 -
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AliciaHollywood wrote: »I had that exact dilemma in my mid 20’s. A young hot guy and his wealthy boss were both hitting on me at an event. I danced with both of them. The boss was older too. I really liked the younger guy and had more in common with him because of age but also really attracted physically. I’m glad I picked him, we had a relationship for several years. I found out the boss was married! There was the added age difference though too. Now I’d probably pick money though, assuming he was single and had a good personality. Security is more important than looks as you get older. In both cases though, you have to be careful because both really good looking guys and super rich are usually players and not very loyal.
Yet another reason why I think people (of either sex) are best served to work for financial security for themselves, rather than depending on a partner.
The older one gets, the worse the demographics get, for straight women (maybe others, but that's the case I'm most familiar with, as a 65 y/o widow). Women significantly outnumber men, most of the sane ones are partnered, the ones who aren't can pick and choose, and those who are financially well off are usually more able to pick young (something many men might prefer, but ample money is a nice sweetener to seal that deal).
Yeah, I'm a cynic. But one who's glad she considered her own earning/saving/investing power over the decades, rather than depending on a partner for security. Not rich, but not deeply worried about covering rent/grocery kind of stuff, either, unlike many of my age peers, sadly.
The thought of HAVING to rely on someone else to meet my financial needs terrifies me, probably due to what I've seen multiple women in my life go through. I always want to be able to choose to be alone or be with someone due to choice/preference, rather than needing someone.
I get that for many women it feels like a luxury to be able to be able to depend on a partner for security, but I'd just feel anxious and trapped.
(This isn't a judgment of women who don't share my particular set of anxieties around self-sufficiency, it's just something that I can't imagine feeling myself).4 -
This is why I'm a strong advocate for women's rights. I'll always root for a female to upend a male dominated organization just because. And it's pretty significant when it happens. A friend of mine from the past became the first female stadium announcer for a professional sports team here in the Bay Area. She's well known throughout the area and I was shocked that she was the first one (she announces lineups in at Oracle Park for the SF GIANTS).janejellyroll wrote: »AliciaHollywood wrote: »I had that exact dilemma in my mid 20’s. A young hot guy and his wealthy boss were both hitting on me at an event. I danced with both of them. The boss was older too. I really liked the younger guy and had more in common with him because of age but also really attracted physically. I’m glad I picked him, we had a relationship for several years. I found out the boss was married! There was the added age difference though too. Now I’d probably pick money though, assuming he was single and had a good personality. Security is more important than looks as you get older. In both cases though, you have to be careful because both really good looking guys and super rich are usually players and not very loyal.
Yet another reason why I think people (of either sex) are best served to work for financial security for themselves, rather than depending on a partner.
The older one gets, the worse the demographics get, for straight women (maybe others, but that's the case I'm most familiar with, as a 65 y/o widow). Women significantly outnumber men, most of the sane ones are partnered, the ones who aren't can pick and choose, and those who are financially well off are usually more able to pick young (something many men might prefer, but ample money is a nice sweetener to seal that deal).
Yeah, I'm a cynic. But one who's glad she considered her own earning/saving/investing power over the decades, rather than depending on a partner for security. Not rich, but not deeply worried about covering rent/grocery kind of stuff, either, unlike many of my age peers, sadly.
The thought of HAVING to rely on someone else to meet my financial needs terrifies me, probably due to what I've seen multiple women in my life go through. I always want to be able to choose to be alone or be with someone due to choice/preference, rather than needing someone.
I get that for many women it feels like a luxury to be able to be able to depend on a partner for security, but I'd just feel anxious and trapped.
(This isn't a judgment of women who don't share my particular set of anxieties around self-sufficiency, it's just something that I can't imagine feeling myself).
And now (though some may not approve) we have our first ever female VP and she's African American at that. Just breaking that line is so important and now paves the way for many more to do the same. I'm waiting for the day we have a female POTUS. Hopefully in my time.
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I don't care about random people in the street. I like people I can laugh with, discuss politics with, do fun things with, and who have somewhat of an intellect to make it all happen.1
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To strip it down to its bare essentials, I think both physical attractiveness and financial security matter from a kind of evolutionary standpoint - if you're attractive, healthy, and strong, you're more likely to have babies, and if you have good access to resources, you'll likely be able to make sure they survive into adulthood. That's a really bare bones way of looking at it, and might not seem to fit our contemporary existence with its seemingly infinite possibilities, but there is a kind of logic to it on that level.
I've definitely had the experience of thinking a person is incredibly attractive - and then they begin talking.
The other aspect is potential and longevity. I think a lot of people look for "right now" and not necessarily the future. I was always future minded when dating - "OK, so this guy works hard and is family minded. He might not be rich right now, and might not ever be, but he's not ever going to be a slouch." THAT was hugely important to me. Also confronting the reality that if the relationship is long-term, or permanent, that eventually one of you will die, and if you're lucky you will probably "lose" your physical attractiveness (at least how we typically think of it) well before that.
I also think a lot of people think about what kind of partner they want, but not about what kind of partner they want to be!
I remember reading several years ago that spousal abandonment is a real risk when one becomes suddenly ill, which makes me incredibly sad.0
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