Thank you for ignoring me! I lost 11 pounds.

TheHappyLoser

I lost the first 11 pounds. 165 still to go. It's a start. It was hard.

I felt so happy when I checked in with my new weight. What would my new friends say? Not much! Only three reacted, the rest of the 22 'friends' ignored my weight loss. I felt crushed.

It was so hard for me to get there. I cried a lot. I did not have the time to socialize here on MFP much. I just started to be serious. I researched, read recipes, planned, and learned a lot. I didn't chit-chat. Perhaps ignoring my small success is the punishment I deserve for not playing online games?

Doesn't matter much now. I have three friends! Thank you for being there. At least I am not alone.

I just started to be serious. I need motivation like the fly needs the honey. I am scared to be alone. I don't want to blow it. What do I do with 19 friends who don't have the time to click 'like' or comment when I report my first weight loss?

Delete them? Ignore them too? Put my big girl panties on and do it alone if I have to?

Not let it get to me? I lost 11 pounds (ticker says 10 not sure why). In the end I need to do this for me, friends or no friends. 11 pounds. Still happy.

snowflake954

First of all congratulations on your loss. Good going. You cannot depend on others to keep you going until the end. You have a long way to go. You will make it under your own steam. I've been here 8 years. Sometimes people are very supportive--sometimes they are doing other things. You admit that you didn't have time to follow your FL yourself. That's OK. Just start anew and if you want more interest, comment a bit more on your newsfeed. I hope you are taking measurements so you can see your loss. Once you lose quite a bit do a success story. Usually many people comment. Good Luck.

SilverRose89

Congratulations on losing your first 11lbs that is a great achievement.

I am confused why you feel your MFP 'friends' "ignored" your weight loss, as an active choice?

Some people are less responsive than others, some have 100s of friends so updates get lost, and I imagine many people just simply don't check their feed and use MFP purely for the diary. Or maybe they're like me and fall off the MFP wagon every now and then and don't open the app or site at all for themselves let alone to check anyone else's progress.

Remember you're doing this for YOU, no one else, although I look forward to seeing your success story on this forum when you've achieved your goal

srjones1988

Congratulations !! big accomplishment i agree you cant depend on anyone to keep you going do this for you long as you notice is all that matters. No its not easy but look your 11 pounds in that's great hold on to that and use that as motivation and fuel for yourself while not caring or needing anyone's else validation

abbie4212

I just (re)started MFP yesterday and would love to be your friend. I too crave support when hitting milestones, like 11 pounds lost! (CONGRATULATIONS!)

ReenieHJ

Way to go! You're well on your way to hitting your goal.
Don't be angry or put out by your friends' not commenting on your weight loss. You're doing this for you, right?? Not them!

When I first arrived on MFP I accepted every FR and sent many FR. It was kind of a bust for me. Didn't really 'know' anybody and wanted to fit in, get support, etc. Plus I found replies moved quicker than I could keep up with, people never replied to me, just lots of reasons why I wasn't a good friend candidate.

Since then, I've recently taken the leap to attempting the friend thing again. And am admittedly terrible at it because I spend most of my time in the forums. So hopefully, until I find my bearings, they won't kick me out the door just yet.

callsitlikeiseeit

I am going to post the same thing here that I did on your wall.

I'm nothing if not bluntly honest.

Do you feel better now that you had your 'woe is me' post? 11 pounds is FANTASTIC. But for many of us, myself included, it is near impossible for us to see EVERYONES posts. It doesnt mean we dont care. I have maybe a half dozen or so friends on here that I interact with regularly. It doesnt mean the other hundred dont care, when they dont react or comment on anything. maybe they dont. maybe they didnt see it. maybe (like me, also) they dont click on many of the autogenerated posts MFP makes FOR us. Truly, if i could hide all the auto generated posts, I'd do it in a heartbeat. I try to comment on real posts, written by the person. And, looking back at your posts, I HAVE done just that. SO. if it makes me a *kitten* friend... delete me. If I deleted the people hanging out on my FL for not interacting I'd have very few. You get out of any social media what you put in. Just like life.

Poobah1972

Hey YOU!

I wouldn't sweat friends that aren't to active. Honestly your the only friend i have MFP so far. Also the only friend request I have received (thank you). I accepted your request cause I think I have a lot in common with you. I know what it's like to have small children point at me and say out loud "Look Mom, he's really fat!", while there mom quickly gives them a tug on the hand and tells them to not to say things like that. etc. (or maybe that hasn't happened to you... but you get the idea).

Point is I feel some kinship with you, and thus I'm really pulling for you.

Through this journey, one of the things I think we and most people need to work on is there self confidence and love of self. But having friends and people around you recognize the hard work you are doing is important as well. I thank god (Or my idea personal higher power) for bringing my fiance into my life, cause she lets me know she loves me every single day, and it does make everything that much easier.

So congratulations on you success thus far... Be thankful for those that help hold you steady along the way, and don't sweat those that maybe just don't have the time or inclination to be diligently monitoring the activity on this site, I'm pretty positive it isn't intentional. Besides, your the most important piece of this puzzle to solve.

Cheers!

sambrothers2017

First, congrats on the first step on your journey! It's hard work. I've struggled with my weight for 30 years and I've learned that the first 10lbs, I am the only one that notices. Then after I lose 20, my close friends/partner/my kids notice. After losing 30lbs almost everyone notices. You can do it! Lose weight for YOU! You deserve to feel good/happy/comfortable with yourself, try not to strive to seek approval from others for your success, you'll feel much happier in your life! I didn't learn this lesson till I was 50! Cheering you on!

MidlifeCrisisFitness

I think many people believe they are going to be friends and encourage and receive encouragement. Many fail, drop off MFP, come back and then leave again. You can limit the number of friends to just the active ones or have lots of inactive people that started an account and aren't there anymore.

MFP can be used without friends, I had good success this way.

It sucks people choose to be friends and then do not behave as friends. I would suggest you identify you support network and focus on that.

TheHappyLoser

callsitlikeiseeit wrote: »

I am going to post the same thing here that I did on your wall.


Do you feel better now that you had your 'woe is me' post?

Yes, I feel better! I got it out of my system. I didn't eat a bag of cookies in silence. I now realize that the number of friends might be important. How could someone with over 100 friends keep in touch with all? Quality over quantity. Just like with eating!

I now know what kind of support/friend I need to be here. It's a learning process. Feeling much better!

janejellyroll

I am a big believer that you have to ask for what you want and expect.

I never expect people to just randomly comment on any weight loss that I achieve, so it rarely occurs for me to comment when I see someone else's.

But if I saw someone post something like "I lost eleven pounds, it was rough, and I'd love to hear from people on this milestone," then I would almost certainly say something.

The point is that you're attributing really negative things to people not posting, but did you ever tell people how you want to interact? Marriage, work relationships, friendships, online interactions . . . you've got to let people know what you'd like because we're all different.

What supports one person feels smothering to another. You're blaming people for not being able to read your mind.

TheHappyLoser

janejellyroll wrote: »

I am a big believer that you have to ask for what you want and expect.

I never expect people to just randomly comment on any weight loss that I achieve, so it rarely occurs for me to comment when I see someone else's.

But if I saw someone post something like "I lost eleven pounds, it was rough, and I'd love to hear from people on this milestone," then I would almost certainly say something.

The point is that you're attributing really negative things to people not posting, but did you ever tell people how you want to interact? Marriage, work relationships, friendships, online interactions . . . you've got to let people know what you'd like because we're all different.

What supports one person feels smothering to another. You're blaming people for not being able to read your mind.

Then why be a friend or have friends if you don't participate or don't expect anybody to participate?

callsitlikeiseeit

TheHappyLoser wrote: »

callsitlikeiseeit wrote: »

I am going to post the same thing here that I did on your wall.


Do you feel better now that you had your 'woe is me' post?

Yes, I feel better! I got it out of my system. I didn't eat a bag of cookies in silence. I now realize that the number of friends might be important. How could someone with over 100 friends keep in touch with all? Quality over quantity. Just like with eating!

I now know what kind of support/friend I need to be here. It's a learning process. Feeling much better!

Sometimes we all need a 'woe is me' day or post LOL

I get them on occasion too

You are doing great! Keep it up! Just dont hate those of us who, even as much time as we spend on our newsfeed, don't see everything or respond to automated posts I'd spend all day responding to automated posts if I did LOL

Sunna_W

If people have a lot of friends, for example, 10s, 100s of friends, they ask that their friends turn their exercise notifications off; otherwise there are 10s, 100s of notifications to "like" that clogs up their news feed. It's like FB on steriods... So... congratulations on your blood, sweat and tears journey. Maybe consider blogging your daily thoughts and get readers to like your posts that way?

janejellyroll

TheHappyLoser wrote: »

janejellyroll wrote: »

I am a big believer that you have to ask for what you want and expect.

I never expect people to just randomly comment on any weight loss that I achieve, so it rarely occurs for me to comment when I see someone else's.

But if I saw someone post something like "I lost eleven pounds, it was rough, and I'd love to hear from people on this milestone," then I would almost certainly say something.

The point is that you're attributing really negative things to people not posting, but did you ever tell people how you want to interact? Marriage, work relationships, friendships, online interactions . . . you've got to let people know what you'd like because we're all different.

What supports one person feels smothering to another. You're blaming people for not being able to read your mind.

Then why be a friend or have friends if you don't participate or don't expect anybody to participate?

I never said I don't participate or I don't expect others to participate. I'll engage on some posts, I just don't usually think to comment on a status where someone is just updating their weight. My point is that we all have different things that make us want to reach out. Instead of assuming "Nobody said anything, so they don't care about me," it may be more useful to flip that and realize "We're all different and I should ask for the support I want."

It's like love languages. If my love language is gifts and my husband's is acts of service, we may do nice things for each other all the time but never really realize how much the other one cares. Once I told my husband that I liked getting little gifts, he began going out of his way to get them for me AND he was able to realize what I'd been telling him with all the little gifts over the years. And I began going out of my way to do acts of service for him and I realized what he'd been telling me over the years with all his acts of service. Same with friendship and online relationships. Expecting people to show up for you in the exact same way you'd show up for them can lead to frustration, but when you ask for what you'd like, you may find yourself getting it.

Also keep in mind: "friendship" means different things to different people on here. Not everyone checks their newsfeed all the time, people add each other for different reasons. The people you're upset with, maybe they never even saw your post.

goal06082021

Hey! I also commented on your status update but I think Captcha ate it? It's absolutely not personal - I rarely scroll through my whole newsfeed, I'll Like the first 10-15 status updates I see (usually just streak/weight loss updates, I don't care so much about the "so and so is now friends with what's her face" or "what's her face completed her diary" updates), but stop scrolling at that point and do whatever I logged on to the site/app to do. I didn't wake up this morning and think "I'm going to ignore TheHappyLoser's incredible progress specifically, on purpose, to hurt her feelings." Nobody did. We just didn't see it right away. FWIW I had to scroll down and load about 5 more pages of status updates to even see your weigh-in (which I then Liked). You're doing amazing, just try not to take social media so personally and you'll be so much the better for it.

TheHappyLoser

goal06082021 wrote: »

Hey! I also commented on your status update but I think Captcha ate it?

I didn't wake up this morning and think "I'm going to ignore TheHappyLoser's incredible progress specifically, on purpose, to hurt her feelings." Nobody did. We just didn't see it right away.

I suck at this social media thing, don't I? Too sensible, too sensitive. Too big because of it?

The last paragraph made me laugh. Thanks.

solieco1

Wow. That has got to be the most passive aggressive post I have ever read and completely devoid of any consideration of what your friends may be doing or going through or God forbid working. A little Grace goes a long way. When I post a loss yes, I like the wonderful encouragement but I also post it to give others perhaps a boost that we are all in this together. Congratulations on the 11 pounds and I looked at your profile and the reasons you want to lose weight - sound like great reasons. Perhaps go with those. Very best of Luck to you.

Miz_Owl

I saw your head line title and it made me sad & happy at the same time.
Congratulations on the 11 pound lost !

wunderkindking

I don't have friends on MFP.

Furthermore, I don't comment on other people's weight or physical appearance in the real world.

If you're doing this for praise and acknowledgement you're going to fail.

The only person who is going to be invested in YOUR weight loss is YOU. The only one who benefits or suffers for your success or failure is YOU.

Congratulations on the loss. But you're doing this for you and it's your neck on the line. Not your friends' necks, on MFP or off.

TheHappyLoser

solieco1 wrote: »

Wow. That has got to be the most passive aggressive post I have ever read and completely devoid of any consideration of what your friends may be doing or going through or God forbid working. A little Grace goes a long way. When I post a loss yes, I like the wonderful encouragement but I also post it to give others perhaps a boost that we are all in this together. Congratulations on the 11 pounds and I looked at your profile and the reasons you want to lose weight - sound like great reasons. Perhaps go with those. Very best of Luck to you.

Sadly, you are assuming wrong. I did consider the fact that people might be as busy as I am. Or new and are trying to figure it all out. That day my newsfeed was full. Messages, pictures, updates, lots of them had nothing to do with weight loss or fitness. Inspirational quotes, motivation, sharing of struggles. A few hahas. I would have never felt left out on an empty newsfeed. I felt left out and it ignored because it was so busy.

janejellyroll

goal06082021 wrote: »

Hey! I also commented on your status update but I think Captcha ate it? It's absolutely not personal - I rarely scroll through my whole newsfeed, I'll Like the first 10-15 status updates I see (usually just streak/weight loss updates, I don't care so much about the "so and so is now friends with what's her face" or "what's her face completed her diary" updates), but stop scrolling at that point and do whatever I logged on to the site/app to do. I didn't wake up this morning and think "I'm going to ignore TheHappyLoser's incredible progress specifically, on purpose, to hurt her feelings." Nobody did. We just didn't see it right away. FWIW I had to scroll down and load about 5 more pages of status updates to even see your weigh-in (which I then Liked). You're doing amazing, just try not to take social media so personally and you'll be so much the better for it.

This is a good point. From what I've heard, lots of people are getting captchas when they're trying to comment on newsfeeds and it's curbing some interactions at the moment. Even people who would otherwise comment might not be at the moment.

solieco1

TheHappyLoser wrote: »

solieco1 wrote: »

Wow. That has got to be the most passive aggressive post I have ever read and completely devoid of any consideration of what your friends may be doing or going through or God forbid working. A little Grace goes a long way. When I post a loss yes, I like the wonderful encouragement but I also post it to give others perhaps a boost that we are all in this together. Congratulations on the 11 pounds and I looked at your profile and the reasons you want to lose weight - sound like great reasons. Perhaps go with those. Very best of Luck to you.

Sadly, you are assuming wrong. I did consider the fact that people might be as busy as I am. Or new and are trying to figure it all out. That day my newsfeed was full. Messages, pictures, updates, lots of them had nothing to do with weight loss or fitness. Inspirational quotes, motivation, sharing of struggles. A few hahas. I would have never felt left out on an empty newsfeed. I felt left out and it ignored because it was so busy.

Hugs and good luck as you continue

Emheia

You need to do this for you, not to receive praise or validation from other people - on, or offline.

Congratulations on losing the weight, but it sounds like you might need to readjust your attitude about the whole thing, or you're going to have a really hard time continuing when things get tough. You're going to hit plateaus. You're going to hit more milestones, and people may or may not notice it.

No one else benefits from you losing weight. No one else needs to care. YOU need to care.

Janatki

Well done...can’t wait to get to 11lbs lost! Active friends or not, great loss👌

lacylucy1935

Don't rely on FB for support, you got this! I do not like to comment on much due to the fact I had one friend feel hurt because she didn't see me wish her Happy Anniversary. Now I usually do not because I am afraid I will hurt someone's feeling and to me that is not what FB is about.
This is about how you feel and what you have done! Great work, keep it up!

callsitlikeiseeit

TheHappyLoser wrote: »

solieco1 wrote: »

Wow. That has got to be the most passive aggressive post I have ever read and completely devoid of any consideration of what your friends may be doing or going through or God forbid working. A little Grace goes a long way. When I post a loss yes, I like the wonderful encouragement but I also post it to give others perhaps a boost that we are all in this together. Congratulations on the 11 pounds and I looked at your profile and the reasons you want to lose weight - sound like great reasons. Perhaps go with those. Very best of Luck to you.

Sadly, you are assuming wrong. I did consider the fact that people might be as busy as I am. Or new and are trying to figure it all out. That day my newsfeed was full. Messages, pictures, updates, lots of them had nothing to do with weight loss or fitness. Inspirational quotes, motivation, sharing of struggles. A few hahas. I would have never felt left out on an empty newsfeed. I felt left out and it ignored because it was so busy.

so you want active friends but you dont want them to be .... active? active only for you?

ok

KickassAmazon76

Firstly, congrats on your loss, that IS awesome!

With respect to responding, here's my thing... Over the (almost) ten years that I've been here, I've found that people can get cranky if you don't accept friend requests. They can get cranky when you do and have lots of friends. They can get cranky when you post too much, or too little. They can get cranky if you like and don't comment, or comment and don't like.

It's impossible to please everyone. And that's ok. If the people you are following do not "work" for you, then unfollow them and look for new ones.

Right now MFP is making it VERY difficult to be supportive because they are trying to handle their russian p*rn bot problem and are implementing stricter controls in trying to fight that battle. In the mobile app, I can comment on the top ten posts in my feed, then every post there after takes me back to the top and I have to scroll all the way down to the next new post. I used to use the web version to catch up and be supportive, but now the web version requires captcha for each post comment and ALSO takes you to the top of your feed. It's frustrating and infuriating.

It is brutal because I do have a lot of friends (which is why I'm not accepting more), and I do NOT have a lot of time to spend on the app. (I work, have kids, workout, have a very busy life). I've turned into a crap friend in terms of support.

So... I am guessing that your 'friends' were not ignoring you out of spite, but rather it may be a function of the climate we are currently in.

As for your loss... you are doing GREAT. Keep pushing! Keep posting! Do not quit because you feel like you're not being celebrated. Post here, post everywhere, shout it from the rooftops... What you're doing is amazing, and totally worth doing (even when it feels like you're doing it alone).

Big hugs!

cwolfman13

Good job...

Don't get too worked up about the "friends" thing. For starters, really, you're just dealing with a bunch of randos on the internet. Can that turn into an actual friendship? Sure...but in my experience, that usually happens when you start requesting and accepting friend request with people you start to notice commonalities with...for me, that was on the forum when I was start to see more people with the same interests...doing similar training, etc.

Also, for myself and I'm sure many others, I never commented much on automatic status updates...I was far more inclined to interact on my homepage when people posted something themselves that was specific...like, "I just went in for blood work and I've gotten everything into the optimal range"...or some such thing...I rarely ever responded to auto status updates. Even if you don't have a ton of friends, those auto updates can just flood your newsfeed and bury stuff.

You also have to figure that a lot of people come and go from MFP...and some are more active than others.

The_Movie_Chair

First of all, congratulations on your weight loss. Well done! May it be only the start of many more to come.

I came here four years ago and three years later, the day when I finally hit my goal weight -meaning I had lost 156 pounds- I expected fireworks to shoot out of my computer. Surely MFP would acknowledge my success. Yet nothing happened. I was crushed, but not for long.

In the three years it took me to lose all the weight (I did it in snail speed) I wrote a blog. I was loud, I made noise, I logged and posted in my newsfeed. Tears and laughter, all my thoughts. I deleted inactive friends, cleaned up my friendslist regularly. I needed motivation and support. I was vulnerable -still am. I was the fat lady on a mission. I took a part of MFP and made changed it to my liking. I deleted friends I rudely and selfishly declared 'inactive' mainly because watching them not succeed would have given me an excuse to do the same.

I stayed with the active ones, the ones who pushed me and even dared to criticize me. I needed it and they did too.
Find out what you need. Be loud, make noise, be successful and enjoy the journey to a healthier and slimmer version of yourself.

You will get some heat and negative comments. Read it and let it go. Celebrate your successes. Reward yourself when you hit a milestone. I even wrote a contract with myself and listed the rewards I would give myself. It was fun -still is.

11 pounds is huge! Great work. It's just the beginning!