Thank you for ignoring me! I lost 11 pounds.
Replies
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Wow. That has got to be the most passive aggressive post I have ever read and completely devoid of any consideration of what your friends may be doing or going through or God forbid working. A little Grace goes a long way. When I post a loss yes, I like the wonderful encouragement but I also post it to give others perhaps a boost that we are all in this together. Congratulations on the 11 pounds and I looked at your profile and the reasons you want to lose weight - sound like great reasons. Perhaps go with those. Very best of Luck to you.
Sadly, you are assuming wrong. I did consider the fact that people might be as busy as I am. Or new and are trying to figure it all out. That day my newsfeed was full. Messages, pictures, updates, lots of them had nothing to do with weight loss or fitness. Inspirational quotes, motivation, sharing of struggles. A few hahas. I would have never felt left out on an empty newsfeed. I felt left out and it ignored because it was so busy.4 -
goal06082021 wrote: »Hey! I also commented on your status update but I think Captcha ate it? It's absolutely not personal - I rarely scroll through my whole newsfeed, I'll Like the first 10-15 status updates I see (usually just streak/weight loss updates, I don't care so much about the "so and so is now friends with what's her face" or "what's her face completed her diary" updates), but stop scrolling at that point and do whatever I logged on to the site/app to do. I didn't wake up this morning and think "I'm going to ignore TheHappyLoser's incredible progress specifically, on purpose, to hurt her feelings." Nobody did. We just didn't see it right away. FWIW I had to scroll down and load about 5 more pages of status updates to even see your weigh-in (which I then Liked). You're doing amazing, just try not to take social media so personally and you'll be so much the better for it.
This is a good point. From what I've heard, lots of people are getting captchas when they're trying to comment on newsfeeds and it's curbing some interactions at the moment. Even people who would otherwise comment might not be at the moment.1 -
TheHappyLoser wrote: »Wow. That has got to be the most passive aggressive post I have ever read and completely devoid of any consideration of what your friends may be doing or going through or God forbid working. A little Grace goes a long way. When I post a loss yes, I like the wonderful encouragement but I also post it to give others perhaps a boost that we are all in this together. Congratulations on the 11 pounds and I looked at your profile and the reasons you want to lose weight - sound like great reasons. Perhaps go with those. Very best of Luck to you.
Sadly, you are assuming wrong. I did consider the fact that people might be as busy as I am. Or new and are trying to figure it all out. That day my newsfeed was full. Messages, pictures, updates, lots of them had nothing to do with weight loss or fitness. Inspirational quotes, motivation, sharing of struggles. A few hahas. I would have never felt left out on an empty newsfeed. I felt left out and it ignored because it was so busy.
Hugs
and good luck as you continue 1 -
You need to do this for you, not to receive praise or validation from other people - on, or offline.
Congratulations on losing the weight, but it sounds like you might need to readjust your attitude about the whole thing, or you're going to have a really hard time continuing when things get tough. You're going to hit plateaus. You're going to hit more milestones, and people may or may not notice it.
No one else benefits from you losing weight. No one else needs to care. YOU need to care.24 -
Well done...can’t wait to get to 11lbs lost! Active friends or not, great loss👌5
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Don't rely on FB for support, you got this! I do not like to comment on much due to the fact I had one friend feel hurt because she didn't see me wish her Happy Anniversary. Now I usually do not because I am afraid I will hurt someone's feeling and to me that is not what FB is about.
This is about how you feel and what you have done! Great work, keep it up!2 -
TheHappyLoser wrote: »Wow. That has got to be the most passive aggressive post I have ever read and completely devoid of any consideration of what your friends may be doing or going through or God forbid working. A little Grace goes a long way. When I post a loss yes, I like the wonderful encouragement but I also post it to give others perhaps a boost that we are all in this together. Congratulations on the 11 pounds and I looked at your profile and the reasons you want to lose weight - sound like great reasons. Perhaps go with those. Very best of Luck to you.
Sadly, you are assuming wrong. I did consider the fact that people might be as busy as I am. Or new and are trying to figure it all out. That day my newsfeed was full. Messages, pictures, updates, lots of them had nothing to do with weight loss or fitness. Inspirational quotes, motivation, sharing of struggles. A few hahas. I would have never felt left out on an empty newsfeed. I felt left out and it ignored because it was so busy.
so you want active friends but you dont want them to be .... active? active only for you?
ok13 -
Firstly, congrats on your loss, that IS awesome!
With respect to responding, here's my thing... Over the (almost) ten years that I've been here, I've found that people can get cranky if you don't accept friend requests. They can get cranky when you do and have lots of friends. They can get cranky when you post too much, or too little. They can get cranky if you like and don't comment, or comment and don't like.
It's impossible to please everyone. And that's ok. If the people you are following do not "work" for you, then unfollow them and look for new ones.
Right now MFP is making it VERY difficult to be supportive because they are trying to handle their russian p*rn bot problem and are implementing stricter controls in trying to fight that battle. In the mobile app, I can comment on the top ten posts in my feed, then every post there after takes me back to the top and I have to scroll all the way down to the next new post. I used to use the web version to catch up and be supportive, but now the web version requires captcha for each post comment and ALSO takes you to the top of your feed. It's frustrating and infuriating.
It is brutal because I do have a lot of friends (which is why I'm not accepting more), and I do NOT have a lot of time to spend on the app. (I work, have kids, workout, have a very busy life). I've turned into a crap friend in terms of support.
So... I am guessing that your 'friends' were not ignoring you out of spite, but rather it may be a function of the climate we are currently in.
As for your loss... you are doing GREAT. Keep pushing! Keep posting! Do not quit because you feel like you're not being celebrated. Post here, post everywhere, shout it from the rooftops... What you're doing is amazing, and totally worth doing (even when it feels like you're doing it alone).
Big hugs!14 -
Good job...
Don't get too worked up about the "friends" thing. For starters, really, you're just dealing with a bunch of randos on the internet. Can that turn into an actual friendship? Sure...but in my experience, that usually happens when you start requesting and accepting friend request with people you start to notice commonalities with...for me, that was on the forum when I was start to see more people with the same interests...doing similar training, etc.
Also, for myself and I'm sure many others, I never commented much on automatic status updates...I was far more inclined to interact on my homepage when people posted something themselves that was specific...like, "I just went in for blood work and I've gotten everything into the optimal range"...or some such thing...I rarely ever responded to auto status updates. Even if you don't have a ton of friends, those auto updates can just flood your newsfeed and bury stuff.
You also have to figure that a lot of people come and go from MFP...and some are more active than others.
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First of all, congratulations on your weight loss. Well done! May it be only the start of many more to come.
I came here four years ago and three years later, the day when I finally hit my goal weight -meaning I had lost 156 pounds- I expected fireworks to shoot out of my computer. Surely MFP would acknowledge my success. Yet nothing happened. I was crushed, but not for long.
In the three years it took me to lose all the weight (I did it in snail speed) I wrote a blog. I was loud, I made noise, I logged and posted in my newsfeed. Tears and laughter, all my thoughts. I deleted inactive friends, cleaned up my friendslist regularly. I needed motivation and support. I was vulnerable -still am. I was the fat lady on a mission. I took a part of MFP and made changed it to my liking. I deleted friends I rudely and selfishly declared 'inactive' mainly because watching them not succeed would have given me an excuse to do the same.
I stayed with the active ones, the ones who pushed me and even dared to criticize me. I needed it and they did too.
Find out what you need. Be loud, make noise, be successful and enjoy the journey to a healthier and slimmer version of yourself.
You will get some heat and negative comments. Read it and let it go. Celebrate your successes. Reward yourself when you hit a milestone. I even wrote a contract with myself and listed the rewards I would give myself. It was fun -still is.
11 pounds is huge! Great work. It's just the beginning!9 -
Definitely cool that you lost 11lbs!
I don't expect everyone to be exactly like me, but for what it is worth... I write posts and statuses for me to get my thoughts about weight loss out of my mind. I love having online friends because I actually don't care what they think lol so I can be 100% honest with my logging and foody feelings.
I'm also not the best online friend because admittedly I am a little selfish. I care about the things that relate to me and my journey and I do genuinely love to see people win at life-- but don't always notice because I'm just focused on what I'm trying to do. How interested I am in someone losing is relative to if I am losing/on track/ doing well. If everyone is losing and I'm not, it's hard to celebrate for them. Not cause I want people to do poorly, but because I just can't relate in the moment.
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Congrats on your loss!
- Some people like interacting with friends - some don't.
- Some don't have time - some do.
- Some don't keep the app on a mobile device to be 'current' to respond - some do.
- Some go dormant after a period due to life circumstances.. Some don't.
- Some people gather friends and then decide perhaps they'd rather spend time on the forums or just update their own diary...
I've been all of these at some point myself. I don't mean anything 'personal' by it, just happens. In reality, some of these will happen again.
When I know I am not going to be around for a while, I simply delete my account so it can't be hacked. It's a pain to set stuff back up again, but the issue of anyone hacking my account without me knowing goes away.8 -
I don't accept friend requests on here for this very reason. Not because they don't like or comment on my profile page feed but because I wouldn't be interacting with theirs.
This is what I have in my 'About Me' on my profile page:
"MFP Friend Requests - just so you know I am not good at all with being actively involved with friend lists so I find it best not to accept friend requests, it avoids the drama of 'friends' feeling like they are being ignored."19 -
I do know how you feel; I don't have many friends, but when I'm excited about something, I thought they'd respond, but not normally. So, I share my successes with in-person friends. I'm feeling lonely some days, but I use MFP to log my food and that's where it helps.4
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@TheHappyLoser
Then why be a friend or have friends if you don't participate or don't expect anybody to participate?
Doggone it. I can feel you coming right through this question. It touched me. We're here and we care. Some show it more than others. There are pros who do a really great job of responding back on the personal home page. They're very considerate, thoughtful and full of daily encouragement.
I've started a thread on chitchat where I can just mill around and shoot the breeze with the Universe. Understood and appreciated, you wanted some friends.
You don't have to play any games to find long term stability with weight. Don't let feelings drive your behaviors going forward, you want your new behaviors to stick. Feelings are fickle. We have to dig deep and discover why we really want a change and that will give you resolve to carry on come hail or high water - with or without any friends.
Pain is the precursor to change. When the pain of staying the same becomes greater than staying the same it stokes our passion to make lasting changes. Going forward you can resolve to be a better friend to those who are struggling because you've walked down this road. It is a lonesome road and we have to walk it mostly all by ourselves because there is no shortcut to lasting weight loss.
You've resolved to put in the work. When we turn the pain or the loneliness into ACTION we can use as fuel to keep us moving forward waaaaay into the future. Use it. Stay fierce and unstoppable and you'll be picking UP friends who are struggling alongside the road. You'll know how to be there for them.
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you can delete all of them (wish I could do this in real life, lol) and start adding new friends. Congrats on your weight loss.2
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Congratulations on the loss.
Keep it up. I wonder if others are affected by the new captchas, as I am? These days I only reply to other people when I'm on the computer that doesn't have high security settings, so that limites me to evenings and sometimes when I'm on lunch. I know for a fact it's making me miss commenting when I otherwise would have. So perhaps it's true for your friends too?
That said, I wish you much future success.6 -
Congratulations on your great loss, and yes, lose the unsupportive friends and keep looking until you find more like the 3 good ones you have! They are out there! Supportive friends are the main thing that motivates me--They are worth their weight in gold! If people aren't interacting with me, I delete them very quickly. For a lot of us, when it comes to friends, it quality over quantity so we can manage to be present for those on our friends list. Otherwise what is the point of having friends at all? You deserve better!2
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I felt the same way when I sent you a personal message and you didn't read or respond to it.TheHappyLoser wrote: »This post strikes me as someone needing some kind of counseling or therapy. Your tone is lacking any personal responsibility or compassion for other people. I hope that you can remove your expectations from complete strangers and find peace with yourself on your journey.
I assume a woman who feels the need to use an avatar like yours on a public health and weight loss page, must know a thing or two about therapy.
You don't seem very "Happy" to me.12 -
I felt the same way when I sent you a personal message and you didn't read or respond to it.TheHappyLoser wrote: »This post strikes me as someone needing some kind of counseling or therapy. Your tone is lacking any personal responsibility or compassion for other people. I hope that you can remove your expectations from complete strangers and find peace with yourself on your journey.
I assume a woman who feels the need to use an avatar like yours on a public health and weight loss page, must know a thing or two about therapy.
You don't seem very "Happy" to me.
I got two messages today, neither one was from you. Maybe it didn't go through?1
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